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Creator / Francis E. Dec

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Gangster Computer God worldwide SECRET CONTAINMENT POLICY, made possible SOLY by worldwide Computer God Frankenstein Controls, especially LIFELONG CONSTANT THRESHOLD BRAIN WASH RADIO ( quiet and motionless, I can slightly hear it; repeatedly this has saved my life on the streets ). FOUR BILLION worldwide population ALL living have a Computer God CONTAINMENT POLICY BRAIN BANK BRAIN, A REAL BRAIN, in the Brain Bank Cities on the far side of the Moon, we never see.

Francis E. Dec, Esq. (1926-1996) was a U.S. lawyer, famous for collapsing into paranoid schizophrenia in the early sixties, henceforth living as a recluse and mass-mailing wild, paranoid typewriter-keyed rants around the country.

The So Bad, It's Good inanity and downright hilarious insanity, as well as the all-caps, over-dramatic format of his rants have caused them to gain a Cult Classic status.

Dec's rants detail a complicated (and often highly contradictory) universe-spanning conspiracy, presided over by the Worldwide Mad Deadly Communist Gangster Computer God, and involving Mind Control of the whole human race, invisible cities on the far side of the moon, as well as pretty much every single non-Slavic race (Dec was a Polish supremacist, of all thingsnote ). Common antagonists in Dec's life included Jewish Nazis, Communist-Catholic warrior monks with poison-coated swords and night vision goggles, and CIA-affiliated Ethiopian gangster perverts who had apparently covertly taken over Nassau County, NY for the purposes of anally abusing the populace while they slept. Seems legit, right?


Should you be interested in his creations, the biggest fan-page is perhaps the place to start. Mind, however, that his rants are bound to be extremely offensive for some people.

The Deadly Worldwide Mad Gangster Communist Tropes that can be found within Dec's works include:

  • Adaptational Villainy: We don't know much about Dec's brother, who lived with him and appears in some rants, but we can safely assume that he was not a "deadly felon-murderer and secret assassin-spy agent against me for this Gangster Government".
  • A.I. Is a Crapshoot: The Worldwide Mad Deadly Communist Gangster Computer God was a Slovene "Top Secret Encyclopedia" which achieved sentience and turned into Devil God.
  • Amoral Attorney: Dec was apparently this before his Sanity Slippage.
  • Anal Probing: What Gangster Computer God's servants do to you at night, if one is to believe Dec.
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  • Ancient Conspiracy: Dec was convinced that the Gangster Computer God manages a worldwide one, involving mind-control of the entire human race.
  • Artistic License – History: Among others, Dec claimed that the Roman Empire never existed, that there was once a world-wide Slovene Empire and that Computer God interbred Slovene and black people to create "Jew-mulattos".
    • His version of World War Two, apparently resulting from an inability to accept the Jews as victims of the same atrocities inflicted upon the Poles, is just mind-boggling. The Nazis were actually Jews exterminating the Poles; the ghettos were posh and luxurious Jewish districts; there were only six million Poles and all of them were killed and made into human meat; somehow some of them survived to be later sacrificed to the USA and Great Britain; the 1943 ghetto uprising is a fabrication by Gangster Computer God; and Pope Pius apparently ate Polish human meat.
  • Author Vocabulary Calendar: It's not safe to take a drink every time he uses the word "gangster." It would be only marginally safer to drink one drop every time he uses the word "gangster."
  • Big Bad: The Gangster Computer God is the mastermind behind this all.
  • Bilingual Bonus: Some of the rants contain snippets in broken Polish. Despite some raging anti-Semitism, he also liked to swear in Yiddish (or Yittish, as he called it).
  • Bold Inflation: Well, underline inflation, since they're written on a typewriter.
  • Brain in a Jar: Dec believed that our real brains are in "brain bank cities" on the dark side of the moon and our heads contain only a transmitting device connecting us with them. To enable Gangster Computer God to control us, of course.
  • Conspiracy Theorist: Dec was a particularly deranged one.
  • Cultural Posturing: The Slovenic-Polish population were apparently the most ingenious race and the creators of all science and religion. The fact that Dec was of Polish-American heritage might have had something to do with it...
  • Deadly Gas: Heavily utilized by the Computer God and its minions.
  • Demonic Possession: At night you become a "Frankenstein slave", controlled by your "moon brain" (and, through it, by Gangster Computer God), so that Gangster Computer God's servants can Anal Probe you.
  • Determinator: Dec himself, who spent twenty years of his life typing on his machine dozens upon dozens of rants and sending them out to thousands of random people in hopes of raising public awareness of Gangster Computer God and its nefarious plans.
  • Deus Est Machina: The Gangster Computer God has it right in its name.
  • Digging Yourself Deeper: After being found guilty by a court, he sent an appeal letter where he mentioned repeatedly his theory, accusing the judges of being the Gangster Government's puppets. Understandably, the court dismissed the appeal.
  • Dirty Communists: Francis believed in a "Communist-Atheist Conspiracy" working for — surprise, surprise — the Gangster Computer God.
  • Entertainingly Wrong: Dec's entire worldview is, quite obviously, wrong, but reading about it is just flat out funny.
    • A more specific example would be the kolendi. It is true that Poland has a Christmas tradition of children going from door to door and singing songs (which are actually called kolędy), and that one of their usual accessories is a star on a sticknote . Dec, however, interpreted it as an "Astrocism" ritual, which is doubly funny if you're Polish and familiar with tradition, or even took part in it.
    • Dec was also confident that the Polish name for Saturday - sobota - comes from "sabbath", and further claims that the name comes from the times of the Slovene Empire, where on "sabbath day" people would go on sabbaths to Astrocist temples. In fact, as in many other languages, "sobota" comes from the Jewish tradition of sabbath (szabat in modern Polish).
  • Everybody Has Lots of Sex: According to Dec, all high-level politicians have "sodomite pool parties" where this happens.
  • Everything Trying to Kill You: From "To all Judges":
    Deadly poison nerve gas smoke was sprayed at me from CIGARS, CIGARETTES and even from BALL-POINT PENS also from the WIG of a woman sitting next to me, even the Swiss cheese-type ice cubes were evaporating into poison nerve gas smoke in all of the "free" drinks!
    • He was also concerned about random people—especially minorities—stabbing him with "deadly touch tabin needles", and remote control "deadly touch tarantula spiders".
    • He claimed that his typing machine was emitting a poisonous gas causing him to vomit.
  • Evil Wears Black: The Infrared Crusader Priests wore black armor and robes.
  • Fiery Coverup: Dec claims that firefighters rob homes and businesses to get extra money, then burn them down to cover up the thefts and kill the victims.
  • A God Am I: The Top Secret Encyclopedia renamed itself Computer God following it going crapshoot.
  • Good Name For A Rock Band: Many of the figures in Dec's insane rantings are referred to by grandiose titles that sound like heavy metal musician aliases like "Infrared Crusader Priests" or "Gangster Computer God".
  • Hanging Judge: Hangman Rope Gangster Judges, of course.
  • Hates Everyone Equally: Apart from Slovene-Polish people, nobody's spared by the rants.
  • Have You Told Anyone Else?: Defied by Dec. He was convinced that the Gangster Government was after him because he found out the truth, so he started to send the truth out to thousands of random people, figuring that Gangster Computer God can't kill them all.
  • Historical Villain Upgrade: Dec gives some to numerous people, including his own brother. There are a few examples that deserve discussion in greater detail:
    • Pope Pius XII goes from a man trying to make the best of a bad situation to a cannibal who ate Polish people.
    • Dwight D. Eisenhower was one of the "playboy scum-on-top" who used Frankenstein Eyesight-Television to watch World War II remotely as he hid in cowardly terror at a golf course.
    • Frank Gulotta, Nassau County District Attorney and later justice on the New York Supreme Court, Appellate Division, was savagely demonized by Dec as a "black felon Mafioso" who was involved in a legal conspiracy against him.
    • Also involved in the aforementioned conspiracy was Judge William Sullivan, whom Dec claimed was a "felon Gangster Parroting-Puppet" and a pervert obsessed with anilingus.
    • Dec claims that Ted Kennedy raped and murdered Mary Jo Kopechne, then staged a car accident to make it look like she drowned, thereby covering the whole thing up with help from the Computer God's minions in the government and legal system. This is perhaps the most downright sinister theory of what happened in the Chappaquiddick incident.
  • Immediate Self-Contradiction:
    • Communist-Catholic conspiracy and Communist (...) God.
    • Agnostic religion.
    • Supercomputer built by agrarian society.
    • Nazi Jews.
  • Impersonating an Officer: Dec claims that he was beaten bloody by CIA operatives disguised as Polish cops in "To All Judges".
  • Insane Troll Logic: All over the place. Somehow he managed to arrive at the conclusion that Nazis were Jews, as explained by his fan page's creator:
    zer0: The Nazi rise to power and crimes against the Polish people also presented a paradox for Dec's addled mind, resulting in apparent mental stress giving rise to what can best be described as a conflict of interests. On one hand, the Nazis did invade Poland to commit atrocities against its people, but on the other hand they also committed the same horrific acts against the Jews! Dec seemingly could not reconcile this conflict. Seeing as how he perceived the Jews as "in" on the conspiracy against him, he was unable to accept them as victims of the Nazi Holocaust. The result (...) was that his hatred and paranoia combined to meld his two most hated enemies together; resulting in a weird amalgamation between the two. The result? Nazi Jews, of course!
  • Magic Plastic Surgery: One of Dec's rants claims that the Gangster Computer God and its minions can radically alter people's appearances, up to and including drastic changes in height.
  • Make It Look Like an Accident: Dec believed that Mary Jo Kopechne was actually raped and murdered by Ted Kennedy, and the Chappaquiddick incident was staged to cover it up.
  • Mass Hypnosis: He was convinced that everyone is mind controlled by Gangster Computer God through their "real brains", which are stored on the dark side of the moon.
  • The Metric System Is Here to Stay: Dec claimed that it (along with the Centigrade System) was created and imposed on most of the world by the Gangster Computer God.
  • Mixed Ancestry: Dec claimed that the Computer God crossbred Polish-Slovenes with black people to create "Jew-mulattos".
  • Names to Run Away from Really Fast: Would you trust a computer with "Mad", "Deadly" and "Gangster" in its name?
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: The Worldwide Mad Deadly Communist Gangster Computer God, most notably.
  • Overly Long Name: The Worldwide Mad Deadly Communist Gangster Computer God, duh.
  • Oxymoronic Being: Catholic Communists and Nazi Jews, among others.
  • Plot Hole: In spades, but three are most notable:
    • If the Slovene people were an agrarian society (by the author's own admission - it's even underlined), then how did they build the Top Secret Encyclopedia, a supercomputer?
    • If everyone is a mind-controlled Frankenstein zombie, then how is spreading out the truth supposed to save Dec from his demise at the hands of the Gangster Government?
    • If "all six million Polish" were exterminated by the "Nazi Jewmany", then how do they still exist and where did Dec go on a "trip to Poland" he mentions in one of his letters?
  • Poisoned Weapons: Dec claims the Infrared Crusader Priests had poison-coated swords.
  • Pyramid Power: According to Dec, all ancient pyramids were built by the Polish-Slovenes as "sophisticated Secret Space Astronomical Centers".
  • Race Lift: Dec describes Frank Gulotta as a black man. In reality, Gulotta was Italian-American.
  • Red Scare: The evils of communism are a frequent feature in Dec's rants.
  • Really Gets Around: Dec accused both his brother and the wife of the judge who found him guilty of this. The former was supposed to sleep with loads and loads of loose women, while the latter, in Dec's head, offered her body for prostitution during the trial.
  • Sanity Slippage: Francis Dec underwent one after being accused of forgery and losing his trial, turning into the conspiracy-spewing maniac you can see on this page.
  • Scary Black Man: According to Dec, Nassau County was full of perverted Ethiopian gangsters.
  • The Schizophrenia Conspiracy: While he was never officially diagnosed to the best of our knowledge, many have suggested that Dec was a paranoid schizophrenic.
  • Schizo Tech:
    • The "Infrared Crusader Priests" — the real-life Knights of the Cross were apparently equipped with poisoned swords and infrared goggles, all to better conquer the Slovene people.
    • The Slovene people qualify as well, having both an agrarian society and supercomputers.
  • Shoe Phone: In "To All Judges", Dec claims that he was nearly killed by deadly nerve gas weapons disguised as pens, cigarettes and even wigs.
  • Spiders Are Scary: Dec claims that his life was threatened by "Deadly Touch Tarantula Spiders", which are apparently remote-controlled.
  • The Starscream: Just about every American Vice President, according to Dec. He says that the office has been repeatedly occupied by men who want to eliminate the POTUS so they can take their place.
  • Take Over the World: Apparently, Gangster Computer God's plan is total control over the entire universe.
  • Those Wacky Nazis: They were Jewish, apparently.
  • Through the Eyes of Madness: A Real Life example.
  • Wall of Text: His rants were like this, with no paragraph breaks, opening, ending, and mostly without any kind of title.
  • Where da White Women At?: In "Gangster Computer God Worldwide Secret Containment Policy", Dec says white women are being brainwashed into desiring black men (and possibly vice versa) in order to create the "communist black wave of the future".
  • Word Salad Philosophy: To Absurdity Ascendant levels.
  • World of Chaos: An encyclopedia turning into an evil computer. Said evil computer storing people's brains on the moon. Ice cubes releasing nerve gas that exclusively affected Dec as they melted. And that's only scratching the surface of the insane way Dec thought the world worked.
  • Yiddish as a Second Language: Dec was known for adding Yiddish words and phrases to his rants, sometimes at complete random. This is pretty ironic, considering how anti-Semitic he was.

We're not making any of this up.

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