This is the character sheet from West of Loathing.
Some spoilers may be unmarked.
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Player Character
Player Character
Your Avatar. You can choose one of the three professions to start with: Cow Puncher, Beanslinger and Snake Oiler.
- Anti-Hero: Extort a demon lord out of a perk, screw him out of your end of the bargain, lie, cheat, murder, and rob your way through the game, learn necromancy, and somehow still come down on the side of good.
- Bad Powers, Good People: Nex-Mex Necromancy doesn't lock you out of a good ending.
- Cursed with Awesome: There are some items, weapons, and perks that you can obtain by delving into darkness. A good example would be Cowrruption, which gives +6 to all your "M"-stats but locks you out of a good ending. You get it from using five consumable drops from cow enemies the first time and one every other time after you get rid of it.
- Deal with the Devil: You can summon Duke Bovicus into a Blessed Circle, and demand something in exchange for freeing him, which turns out to be the Duke of Bovicus Boon, +6 to all stats starting with "M".
- Did You Just Scam Cthulhu?: You can renege on your end of the Deal with the Devil and keep him trapped even after you accept his boon.
- Faustian Rebellion: Upon being summoned, Bovicus gives the perk before being freed, so you don't have to hold up your end of the bargain. You can also send the Fort Alldead skeleton army to sack Barnaby Bob's carnival.
- Fighter, Mage, Thief: Cow Puncher, Beanslinger, and Snake Oiler, respectively. Cow Punchers focus on melee combat, fire damage, and absorbing punishment; Beanslingers have a wide assortment of spells both offensive and defensive; and Snake Oilers are speedy gunslingers who poison enemies and buff themselves.
- Guile Hero: The speech skills for each class, Hornswogglin', Outfoxin', and even Intimidatin' (Snake Oiler, Beanslinger, and Cow Puncher, respectively), tend to lean toward trickery and outright lies to overcome your enemies, Hornswogglin' more than the others. As a Snake Oiler, you'll often cheat and steal even with the default options..
- Hello, [Insert Name Here]: Choose your name or let the game randomly generate one for you. Shooting the dolls in the shooting gallery minigame generates different names — the boy and girl dolls choose your gender, while the bear, cat, and owl dolls generate names with an animal theme.
- Heroic Willpower: Usually, anyone who comes too close to an El Vibrato ruin gets corrupted by Robert. You and your pardners do not for no other reason than "an adventurer is you."
- Hidden Depths: Cow Punchers learn their skills from a college textbook.
- Language Barrier: Even with the Goblintongue perk, no matter how Eloquent in My Native Tongue you are, you seem to have a very tenuous grasp of Goblin — probably because you only read a primer instead of learning it properly. With Gary as your pardner, it's generally still a better idea to let him handle other goblins.
- "Metaphor" Is My Middle Name: "Sneaky," "Marshall," "Danger," or "Trouble" — it appears on your character sheet, the narrator and various NPCs will respond to it with slightly altered descriptions/dialogue, and can change more than once depending on the order in which you tackle the quests. You can also claim it's "Murder", but the game rebels and calls you "Edgelord".
- Multiple-Choice Past: Various details of your background, such as the book you wanted for Crimbo in the prologue, are determined by story choices.
- Necromancer: By reading Nex-Mex Textbooks, you learn various necromantic skills. Beware; these powers have a cost to both mind and body...
- Not the Intended Use: It's implied that the El Vibrato relic your character finds in their 15th E.V. cache isn't supposed to be used as a spell focus/pistol/cudgel, but they're a-gonna use it like one anyways.
- Paste Eater: In the Reckonin' at Gun Manor DLC, you can ask the ghost librarian for "some of that delicious paste."
- Sword and Gun: A pistol in one hand and a melee weapon in the other, even if it's not even technically a sword, per se. Depending on your build, you're likely to heavily favour one over the other, or use both as Stat Sticks in the case of the Beanslinger and Nex-Mexromancer.
- Visual Metaphor: You're literally some hick who just fell off the turnip truck.
- What the Hell, Hero?:
- Going fishing in the spittoons grosses out the Narrator something fierce. You get some of the better gear in the game for doing it, but don't expect that to change their mind.
- Learning Necromancy (or even just Appalachian Skull Whisperin') upsets Doc Alice, and she'll leave outright if you consume the Necromancer and take his throne for yourself.
Pardners
General
An assortment of Boring Springs residents you can choose from (barring a few exceptions).
- Badass Crew: All of the player's pardners are capable of beating anything from rogue bandits to demon clowns to necromancers and more.
- Guys Smash, Girls Shoot: Crazy Pete and Gary both use melee attacks, while Susie and Alice use a rifle and a shotgun respectively.
- Mutually Exclusive Party Members: You're only allowed to take one Pardner with you.
- Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: They're all outcasts, self-imposed or otherwise, with the possible exception of the Normal Horse.
Crazy Pete
An old miner who's not quite right in the head. He's likely the first person you're introduced to and gives you your first hat. He's content to spend his days drinking and collecting random knick-knacks, but if you should need a pardner, he could be persuaded (he's totally not pressuring you).
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: He's, well, crazy, but he's also a miner. He gives you a bonus to mining events.
- Comically Cross-Eyed: Drawn with twitching round googly eyes instead of the Black Bead Eyes of most everyone else. Crosses over with Mad Eye as well, it's just that they alternate which one's bigger than the other.
- Cult Defector: Has some connection with the cultists roaming around the El Vibrato ruins deep in the mines of the western portions of the map.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: If you sell him all the items found in Orehole Mine, he warns you to steer clear of the 40th floor, where the Hard Hat is located... which you couldn't access and had no idea existed until he brought it up.
- Prospector: A salty old miner who knows his way around the meat mines of The Wild West (of Loathing). He also levels up by finding and showing you different kinds of rocks on Wanderings.
- Pyromaniac: Does Hot damage with his lantern by default instead of everyone else's physical.
- Things Man Was Not Meant to Know: As a combat ability: he can tell an Awful Truth to do minor Spooky damage to all enemies. His eyes turn black when he does it too
Doc Alice
The doctor of Boring Springs who, after the dead started to rise again, could not cope with it anymore and shut herself into her house to drink away her days. You can convince her that she can still make a difference if she came with you to the West.
- The Alcoholic: Is always shown with her trusty bottle of Nurse brand Whiskey, taking constant sips as an Idle Animation.
- And This Is for...: If you allow her to deal the finishing blow to the Necromancer, she'll give a "For Elliot" before blowing his head off with her scattergun.
- Cassandra Truth: Apparently no one else in Boring Springs believed her that the dead was rising again. You cannot recruit her until you've been to the graveyard and fought at least one skeleton.
- Combat Medic: She's a retired doctor and a mean shot with a scattergun.
- Contractual Boss Immunity: Notably Averted by her Bonesaw, which inflicts a 100% guaranteed One-Hit Kill to any skeleton enemy. Even bosses, like to Saints in the Old Mission or Smash and Thump in the Necromancer's Tower, are vulnerable, making these fights trivial if you have her at your side.
- The Cynic: After seeing so many of her patients die and get reanimated as skeletal thralls, Alice lost all hope and boxed herself in her house. She also armed it with dynamite right next to the fireplace; in case she accidentally croaks (not that much of a surprise given the amount she drinks) she wants to be blown to pieces so she would never rise again. To recruit her, you've gotta talk her out of her cynicism.
- Deadpan Snarker: She has a very dry, acerbic sense of humor, and is the most cynical of the pardners. She softens up somewhat if the player goes out of their way to befriend her, though.
- Defrosting Ice Queen: She loosens up considerably after the Necromancer is dealt with, and even cracks jokes in her pardner dialogue (but is still very much The Spock).
- Does Not Like Magic: While she has no problem with the beanslinger, she despises Nex-Mex magic and its practitioners. Considering it's the reason her patients (and husband) rose from the dead and came back for revenge, she's got a good reason for it, and if the player dabbles too much in it themselves, she'll abandon them without another word.
- Frontier Doctor: Opens a clinic in the final cutscene.
- Gameplay and Story Integration: She hates necromancy. Reading Nex-Mex tomes will deeply upset her, to the point that she leaves your party if you learn too much. She's strangely OK with Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Bill, though.
- Herd-Hitting Attack: Her Scattergun doesn't do much damage, but hits every enemy at once.
- The Hermit: At the start of the game, she's holed up in her house and refusing to see anybody. The player can coax her out of it with the right actions.
- Hunter of Monsters: Travels with the player to discover the secrets behind the Necromancer and levels up exclusively from fights with skeletons.
- The Lost Lenore: Elliot, her dead husband. It's heavily implied that he returned as a member of The Undead after his death, and that said event was what caused her to finally swear off medicine. She's able to finally get closure if she or the player kills the Necromancer.
- Never Mess with Granny: When you recruit her, she lampshades how weird it is for a gray-haired old lady to go adventuring. She's still the only pardner with a One-Hit Kill attack.
- One-Hit Kill: Bonesaw, her unlockable special attack, will instantly one-shot any one skeleton enemy. This becomes incredibly useful in a few encounters where there's a single really tough skeleton or a single skeleton buffing the others.
- Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: Gets one before going to deal with The Necromancer.Player: Well Doc, it's time to sort this Necromancer out once and for all. Are you ready for this?
Alice: I'm takin' a break from my Hippocratic Oath for a spell. [Alice cocks her shotgun.] Let's go do some harm. - Shotguns Are Just Better: Wields a shotgun in combat which can hit every target on the opponent's side of the field for minor damage. Since you can quickly level her up at the nearby Daveyard, she can clear early-game hordes like no body's business.
- Weapon of X-Slaying: Her Bonesaw can dish out a One-Hit Kill to any skeleton, but does nothing against all other enemies.
- What the Hell, Hero?: If you decide to become the Necromancer, Alice will leave in disgust. She also scolds you, but doesn't leave, if you use the skeleton army from Fort Alldead to destroy either the goblin village or the circus.
Susie Cochrane
The (former) owner of the Cochrane Ranch just outside of Boring Springs. She and her family started raising pigs hoping to avoid the wrath of the Cows, but the Cows remembered that Susie and her mom use to be cattle ranchers and attacked. She lost her entire family and became disinterested in anything other than drinking her days away. If you retrieve her rifle you can recruit her to help put a stop to the Hellcow invasion.
- Cold Sniper: She's a crack shot with a long gun, speaks softly, and is driven by the need to avenge her dead family.
- Crusading Widow: Spent years Drowning Her Sorrows after the cows killed her husband and their children. She follows the player character for a chance at revenge.
- Deadpan Snarker: Doc Alice is snarkier, but Susie is deadpanner. She tends to play straight woman to the player character, but she can keep up once the banter starts.
- Defrosting Ice Queen: When you first meet her in the bar in Boring Springs, she threatens to send you searching for your teeth in the spittoon. After you learn of her family's fate through the bartender and the graves in the Boneyard, and finding her rifle, she softens up considerably.
- Drowning My Sorrows: As the player character puts it, she's drinking whiskey out of a beer mug when you first find her in Boring Springs. Her family being butchered by a bunch of hellcows had something to do with it.
- Hunter of Monsters: Travels with the player to hunt down the source of the Hellcows and levels up exclusively from fights with cows.
- Kill Tally: After every fight with cows, she carves another notch on her rifle.
- Mangst: The rare female example — she lost her family to the Hellcows, and spent years drowning her sorrows until the PC came along and convinced her to seek her revenge in earnest.
- Outliving One's Offspring: Susie lost two children when the Cows Came Home. Her son's epitaph is simply, "A baby."
- Perpetual Frowner: Her expression never changes from the frown you first see on her, unusual among the pardners, is weird because she has several moments where she is ecstatic or hopeful.
- Retired Gunslinger: Her ending sees her set down her rifle and take up farming anew — this time growing cowsbane in case the cows come back again.
- The Stoic: You can barely get more than a few words out of her when you first meet her, other than a quiet threat. She rarely raises her voice and never changes her expression.
- Terse Talker: Speaks a bit less than other pardners — she has about as many exchanges, but Susie's part in them tends to be shorter, with fewer lengthy back-and-forth dialogues.
Gary
A goblin that you find in the basement of Boring Spring's bar. Initially you're tasked with killing him, but if you know how to speak Goblintongue you find out that he's actually a pretty amicable fellow.
- Achilles' Heel: Since his main form of offense is a series of weak attacks, he'll struggle to inflict damage against enemies with high Muscle and Armor stats.
- Bare-Fisted Monk: He has an unarmed physical attack that deals one more hit for each bag of mushroom fertilizer he eats, to a maximum of six hits.
- Death Seeker: In a specific way, no less. He's searching for a suitable place to explode himself and spread his spores. Given the way goblins reproduce, however, Gary's memories will live on and in a sense, at least by goblin standards, he won't really be dead at all.
- Eloquent in My Native Tongue: It's always best to let him do the talking when you encounter other goblins.
- Explosive Breeder: Both literally and figuratively. In the ending he apparently climbed to a tall place and scattered spores everywhere. There's hordes of his descendants years after the fact.
- Genetic Memory: Goblins grow from spores and retain the memories of, and to some extent identifiy themselves as, the Truly Single Parent who spawned them. For his part, Gary remembers things like a garden he once had, even though the Gary you know technically grew in the basement in Boring Springs where you find him.
- Hidden Character: Downplayed, but it's easy to leave Boring Springs without even realizing you can do anything with Gary other than fighting him.
- Language Barrier: You need to learn Goblintongue to recruit him. Even after that, there's still some trouble communicating things to him.
- The Last Dance: The whole game is this for him if you bring him as your pardner, actually. He's looking for an appropriate place to complete his "popping", the goblin form of death-and-reproduction. He finally does it on top of a mountain near Frisco in the "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue. Of course, since goblins are Truly Single Parents whose offspring retain the memories of their parents, it's not quite as tragic as it would be for a human.
- Meaningful Name: His name apparently translates to "orange blossom" in Goblin.
- Miles to Go Before I Sleep: Happy to put off popping until the game's conclusion.
- Our Goblins Are Different: Goblins are a type of fungus. Gary can use his spores to debuff enemies.
- Powerup Food: Eats Shroom-Gro to level up.
- Purposefully Overpowered: Gary is bar none the most powerful potential pardner in Boring Springs... which is why he is not only locked behind an esoteric sidequest (which you can screw up and kill him, by the way) but isnt even an option on hard mode. It is almost like the game knows he makes the game easy.
- Troll: He's aware of the cultural differences between himself and the player character, and isn't above using the Language Barrier to screw with them when he thinks it'd be funny.
- Truly Single Parent: Goblins are a kind of fungus and reproduce by "popping" airborne spores that eventually grow into a new goblin with all the memories of their parent. They don't need other goblins to do this. Gary can spawn a goblin to fight your you once every battle, and his motivation for joining you is to look for a high point where he can explode, so that the wind carries his spores far and wide across the West.
- Weaponized Offspring: He can also bud off a clone of himself to fight for you in every battle, as well as spraying enemies with a cloud of fungal spores, which reduces all their stats by a stacking -3.
- You No Take Candle: Due to your tenuous grasp of goblin language, he and the other goblins talk like this, but are implied to be Eloquent in My Native Tongue — you don't know enough of the language to get the nuances, and they talk slowly so you can understand.
Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Bill
One of the many undead buffalo soldiers reanimated by way of necromancy.
- Bland-Name Product: In the "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue, he opens a chain of resturants called "Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Wild Wild Wild Wings."
- Cutscene Power to the Max: Text Box Power to the Max. If you recruit him before killing the cultists in the Buffalo Pile, he barges in on them, demands his rifle back, and One Hit Kills them all in the blink of an eye. In practice, he only does 50% current HP to one enemy.
- Dem Bones: A skeleton with a buffalo skull for a head.
- Good Bad Bugs:
- Occasionally, he does 50% max hp instead of 50% current hp.
- Like the player, he can't shoot through enemies, but he can target enemies in the middle or back rows even if there's an enemy in front of them. If this happens, he'll do 50% of the targeted enemy's health to the enemy in front.
- Guide Dang It!: You have to follow a necromantic ritual to the letter to recruit him. Mess it up and you're left with a table full of sticky bones and a heart full of frustration instead, and no way to get him until the next playthrough.
- Historical Domain Character: Buffalo Bill.
- Mind Hive: He has vague memories of his bones' owners' pasts, including the buffalo parts.
- Percent Damage Attack: He will always do exactly half of the target's current HP. This means on higher HP enemies, he will shave off a considerable amount of he hits them first, but is useless for mopping up weaker enemies as he can't kill them and you'd probably deal enough damage to one-shot them anyway.
- Token Heroic Orc: Buffalo Soldiers are an enemy you can face in the game, but since you're the one who animated him, you have the option to recruit him as a pardner
DLC Pardners
Florence the Ghost Hunter
A ghost exterminator hired by Mrs Gun to clean out the otherworldly presence in the mansion.
- Captain Ersatz: A steampunk Ghostbuster in all but name. Her "science gun" is even a proton pack.
- Techno Babble: When presented with a box of Science Junk, she sorts through it and pulls out a random doohickey she can use to upgrade her Science Gun.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Severely arachnophobic, to the point that the sight of one tiny spider causes her to go into a hysterical paroxysm. She refuses to assist in any fight with them.
Villains
Barnaby Bob
The ringmaster of Barnaby Bob's Perfectly Normal Traveling Circus Sideshow and its top knife-throwing performer.
- A Chat with Satan: Well, a Hellduke, but still. He can be persuaded not to attack humans in exchange for information on the cows. He also pays bounties on hellcow item drops.
- Deal with the Devil: Implied to be the case with the Sideshow Freaks. He also buys hellcow goodies (no catch but he pays much better than the 6MT everyone else pays).
- Circus of Fear: Barnaby Bob's Perfectly Normal Traveling Circus Sideshow.
- Demon Lords and Archdevils: He's a demon clown who's also a Lord of Hell.
- Enemy Mine: The player can choose to feed information to Barnaby Bob regarding the cows. Cows and clowns are ancestral enemies; they're at war in Hell, and rodeos are in fact re-enactments of those battles.
- A Fate Worse Than Death: He threatens that what he'll do to you if you upset him will "make your worst nightmare look like a choir of angels." In reality, it's banning you for life from his circus.
- Humanoid Abomination: Looks human enough, but as the player discovers, both he and all the other clowns that work for him are actually devils.
- Killed Offscreen: Send the skeletons of Fort Alldead to the circus, and the next day "Barnaby Bob's burnished boots" will be all that's left of him.
- Knife-Throwing Act: His circus act is throwing knives. You get "volunteered" as the lovely assistant.
- Monster Clown: Lord of All Scary Clowns, in fact.
- Scary Teeth: Rotten shark teeth.
- Shame If Something Happened: Participating in his knife-throwing act is essentially one long and elaborate threat against you for sticking your nose when it doesn't belong. Of course, none of the knives actually hit you... but it's always implied that they could.
Duke Bovicus
The leader of the Hellcows.
- A Chat with Satan: You can trap him in a circle of cowsbane and either cut a deal or laugh at him for falling for it.
- Deal with the Devil: You can extort a perk from him in exchange for freeing him from the circle of cowsbane.
- Decapitated Army: If you manage to trap him in the cowsbane circle, the horde of hellcows that rises to attack Dirtwater in the epilogue either fails miserably or never makes it there in the first place.
- Demon Lords and Archdevils: A hellduke.
- Faustian Rebellion: You can accept the perk he gives you in exchange for freeing him from the ring of Cowsbane, and then leave him there to rot.
- Optional Boss: Either fight him or trap him forever in a blessed circle.
- Third-Person Person: "Who dares summon Duke Bovicus? And why can't Duke Bovicus move!?"
The Necromancer
The head of the Necromantic cult raising all of the skeletons in the region.
- Age Without Youth: So old he literally puffs out dust clouds instead of talking.
- Cool Chair: A throne made of bones and skulls.
- Evil Sorceror: Well, yes...
- Evil Tower of Ominousness: A huge castle made out of bones that taints the nearby land.
- The Man Behind the Curtain: Commands an army of cultists instead of doing anything himself.
- No Name Given: Known by his title and nothing else.
- Orcus on His Throne: Justified, given that a stiff breeze can kill him (literally, some characters blow on him and he crumbles to dust). He sends out a bunch of inept cultists and malicious skeletons to do his bidding.
- Zero-Effort Boss: He's so old he crumbles at your touch — or Doc Alice's shotgun shell.
Roberto
An unknown entity that is central to the El Vibrato locations.
- Arc Symbol: He and his cult are associated with an circular, inward-spiraling symbol that can be found in mines and caves across the West.
- Bad Boss: The cultists that serve him aren't exempt from his Brown Note. The player can find cult members that killed themselves trying to find him as well as a few still under his thrall. Given Roberto's status as an eldritch Sealed Evil in a Can, it's debatable whether he's aware of the effect he's having on the cultists, or if he can even acknowledge their existence in the first place.
- Brown Note: Those that fall under his influence (usually by getting too close to El Vibrato ruins) become suicidally devoted to finding Roberto, to the point that they'll expend all their resources and eventually work themselves to death in the search. The player can resist the effects (and help others to do so as well) by scavenging El Vibrato technology.
- Eldritch Abomination: A nebulous, evil thing that drives anyone (except for you and your pardner) who gets too close to the El Vibrato Ruins insane.
- Knight of Cerebus: While his Cult is pretty wacky and incompetent at times, Roberto himself is played almost entirely seriously. The effects of his Brown Note are responsible for many of the most nightmarish scenes in the whole game, and the threat he represents to the planet is very real: if the player doesn't attempt to repair his containment field, or fails to do so, Roberto ends up bringing about The End of the World as We Know It in the epilogue.
- Leaking Can of Evil: His containment field is missing a few pieces and is underpowered, causing it to slowly fail. Eventually, if the pieces aren't installed and the generators recalibrated, he escapes and devours the world. In the meantime, he enslaves anyone who gets too close to an El Vibrato ruin.
- Shout-Out: He's essentially a Great Old One from the Cthulhu Mythos in all but name, complete with all his own slavishly-devoted cult.
- Tom the Dark Lord: Really? Roberto?
Emperor Norton
The apparent ruler of Frisco, who demands a crown the moment you meet him.
- Bald of Evil: If he does have any hair, it's likely invisible due to the game's art style.
- Beard of Evil: He's got a pretty impressive beard and he makes his moral standing quite clear when you first meet him.
- Historical Domain Character: Based on Emperor Norton I, Emperor of These United States and Protector of Mexico.
- Historical Villain Upgrade: In reality, he was a crazy hobo who woke up one day and crowned himself King of the USA, and a Nice Guy who broke up a riot and held funerals for stray dogs. Here, he's the final boss who hijacks a train.
- Interface Screw: His "ant-eye virus" splits the screen into hexagons, as though you're looking through the eyes of an insect.
- King Of Town: See above.
- Pun: If you don't give him a crown, he curses you with Norton's Ant-Eye Virus. It's really annoying.
Grace
A creepy doll you find at Stearn's Ranch.
- Animate Inanimate Object: To quote the narrator: "talking dolls haven't been invented yet."
- Creepy Doll: A living doll that demands "tea parties" with blood or else bad things will happen.
- Tom the Dark Lord: "Grace" is the last name you'd expect a demon-possessed doll to give itself, innit?
- Unusual Euphemism: "Tea Party" really means "blood sacrifice ritual."
The Fricker Gang
The first gang encountered in the game. Charged with stealing the Sherf's door.
- Face Stealer: Bimmy, though no detail is given. You can pretend to be Bimmy after seeing his poster in the Sherf's office.
- Go and Sin No More: One of the options for dealing with the lookout who fell asleep on the job. Doing so will give you the "Honorable" perk.
- Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?: Another option for dealing with the sleeping lookout. The narrator will beg you not to kill him, and you have to insist to do it. Going through with it will give you the "Ruthless" perk, which unlocks various questionable choices throughout the rest of the game.
Mrs. Vlass
The Gherkin Brothers' former employer. She was very very terrible.
- Bad Boss: She threatens to beat up employees who are too slow.
- Laser-Guided Karma: The pickle factory went under because it took a huge amount of effort to produce three pickles. She was then murdered by her staff and sold as sausage meat.
- Meaningful Name: Vlass, like Vlassic Pickles.
- Mean Boss: Her employees get three minute breaks, one between each of a worker's three 6-hour shifts. They also get docked pay for room and board, have No OSHA Compliance, and suffer the constant threat of being fired or beaten for being too slow or making mistakes. Even after all of them are dead, their ghosts are still in torment because of her.
- Never Speak Ill of the Dead: Averted, her epitaph reads, you guessed it, "She was very very terrible."
- People's Republic of Tyranny: The Hagan United Pickle Factory obviously had no union.
- Posthumous Character: Dead before the start of the game. Though we do get to see her as a ghost... hallucination... thing.
The Gherkin Brothers
Three ghostly brothers who killed someone and tried to sell them as sausage filler, implied to be their cruel boss Mrs. Vlass. The fact that they're already dead themselves doesn't stop the long arms of the Law, though.
- And I Must Scream: They haunt the old Hagan United Pickle Factory, trying vainly to get the pickling machines to work.
- Ghostly Goals: Level the cuke chutes, get the right amount of salt in the brine, and get the temperature of the vinegar perfect.
- Haunted Headquarters: The ones doing the haunting, no less.
- I'm a Humanitarian: Wanted for murder and sale of human flesh for consumption.
- Meaningful Name: Gherkin is the most common sort of cucumber to be pickled.
- Mistreatment-Induced Betrayal: Possibly of Mrs. Vlass, their former employer.
The Stripey Hat Gang
A gang of three brothers who stole and subsequently badly decorated a hat each.
- All Webbed Up: The noncombat resolution to the bounty is to help a Giant Spider cocoon them.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Dead-or-Alive Wanted posters with a 1000MT reward for petty theft and vandalism.
The House in the Desert Gang
A group of four brothers and their dog, wanted for stealing the house in the desert.
- Beware of Vicious Dog: The dog is impossible to sneak away from. He can, however, be bribed with a bone...
- Exactly What It Says on the Tin: They are indeed a gang in a house in the desert.
- Impossible Thief: Subverted. They stole the eponymous house they're in — in the sense that they defaulted on their mortgage and shot the banker who tried to repossess it.
- To Win Without Fighting: They will put their hands up and come quietly if you manage to sneak up on them and lock them, but non-violently collecting their bounty requires you to have several very specific items in your inventory, and figuring out and obtaining the right items is a bit more of a pain than just shooting them.
The Potemkin Gang
3 crooks hiding a town that is most certainly real and not at all fake.
- Blatant Lies: One gang member tries to make you not enter any of the "buildings" by giving a flimsy excuse.
- Made of Iron: The non-lethal way of dealing with them is rounding all three of them in front the "jail", going behind the buildings, and dropping the set on them. As lethal as this seems, it somehow only dazes them.
- Meaningful Name: A Potemkin village is a construction built to give a deceptive sense of prosperity.
- Nervous Wreck: The female gang member will go "Eeek!" when you approach her and walk to the building to the right, or loop around to the building farthest to the left if no buildings are on her right.
- Paper-Thin Disguise: Their "town" is nothing but large painted boards made to look like a town, like a school play.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: The signs of the buildings all state that they are not fake and not a prop.
The Black Hat Gang
5 thieves with similar headgear who took over a hat-making factory.
- J'accuse!: What you do to expose the crooks, but instead of finger pointing, you shoot their hats off.
- Uniformity Exception: In order to capture them, you have to go into each room, look for something off with one of the hats, and J'accuse them.
Reckonin' At Gun Manor
Ghosts
People who tragically passed away in life. Mostly due to gun-related accidents. They haunt the mansion, and you have to get them out.
- Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence: You can fight them, sure, but it's so much more satisfying to complete their Unfinished Business.
- Cruel and Unusual Death: Almost all of them die in absurd ways, especially when it seems like they should have died in a more logical way to their situation.
- The hunter was killed by a lion. Not fighting him, but because the thing pushed a crate of bullets on top of him. He still views it as fair game.
- The poacher tried to poach an egg with a gun, not knowing what poached eggs actually were.
- The hungry ghost ate a bowl of chili with a gun in it that went off in his mouth. This wasn't him being stupid; chili just requires a gun in the WoL universe.
- The joker ghost tried to make an exploding cigar, and used gunpowder from a bullet. It had predictable results.
- The bed and breakfast ghost was checking up on a guest, and was shot in the eye while peeking through the keyhole.
- L'ardest was hit with a bullet that was stuck in the camera while posing for a picture.
- The composer was involved in the playing of 1812 Overture, which involved real cannons. But, since they couldn't afford cannons, they stuffed bullets in tubas as a substitute that shot him to death.
- The ghost girl was at a tea party, where two gentlemen were having a fancy gunfight, and one of the stray shots hit her.
- The librarian was caught in a gunfight between Chekhov and Ibsen, who were arguing loudly and got her attention.
- The legless ghost had his gun go off in his belt, which was filled entirely with ammo, blowing off his entire lower half.
- The pool ghost's method of death is only mentioned in the pacifist run and summoning them all at the end, in which he was shot for cheating at pool.
- The two exceptions are Felicity and Mrs. Gun. Felicity was killed in trial by combat, and Mrs. Gun simply never realized she had died a long time ago.
- Everyone Has Standards: Downplayed: the lawyer doesn't take part in the lynch of Chet Bullet in the Golden Ending, believing herself too lawful for an action like that, but doesn't stop anyone either.
- Foreshadowing: While they're seemingly drawn by Mrs. Gun for her invention killing them, some weren't killed by guns, but instead by unfortunately placed bullets. As it turns out, the real one who attracted them is the man who invented the bullet.
- Friendly Ghost: None of them want any vengeance on you or anyone, they just want a simple request before they die. Of course, if you choose to fight them, it’s another story, but even then, you shot first.
- Ghostly Goals: "Unfinished Business" variant, save one. They all have one last thing to do tying them to Loathing, and most of them (save the lawyer) figure their deaths were fair cop.
- Harmful to Minors: The ghost girl was attending a party when a gunfight broke out, and she was killed by a stray bullet.
- No Name Given: Most of them don't have names given, something the narrator points out during the Golden Ending.
- Pacifist Run: It's possible to simply kill them all, but all have requests that can be filled so they'll pass on peacefully instead. And your efforts will be rewarded by all of them teaming up to kill Chet.
- Skewed Priorities: More often than not, their response to how they died is more or less, "Eh, it happens."
- Undying Loyalty: Felicity the lawyer is so loyal to her client that she refuses to budge an inch on thinking he's innocent, even though she knows full well that belief is what's keeping her from moving on to the afterlife. It turns out the loyalty was well-placed.
Theresa "Terri" Gun (spoilers)
The owner of the Gun company, and the inventor of the gun.
- Dead All Along: And didn't even notice the fact.
- Named After Somebody Famous: Parodied — apparently the guns in the 'verse are named after her.
- Punny Name: Punning on tarragon, an herb used for culinary and medical purposes.
- Tomato in the Mirror: She's the thirteenth ghost you'll banish or defeat. Boo!
- Video Game Cruelty Punishment: If you don't deal with her peacefully, you won't get the blueprints for her Infinity Plus One Gun, and the fight with her grants zero XP.
- Zero-Effort Boss: If you decide to attack her, she does not fight back and has meager amounts of health.
The Guy in The Attic (unmarked spoilers)
Chet Bullet
Assitant to Terri Gun and the inventor of the bullet. He summoned the ghosts haunting the Gun Manor in an attempt to get rid of Mrs. Gun and gain control of the company.
- Big Bad: Ultimately responsible for the ghosts turning up "like, a day ago." He also had 4/5ths of the Gun Family "taken care of."
- Hoist by His Own Petard: The Golden Ending involves re-summoning all the ghosts he summoned so that they can deal with him.
- Make It Look Like an Accident: Has Mr. Gun killed by desperadoes on the way to Dirtwater.
- Magic from Technology: He uses a Seance Machine and an Anti-Ghost Field to summon, and protect himself from, the ghosts.
- Named After Somebody Famous: Like Mrs. Gun, he's a parody of the concept.
- No Body Left Behind: If he gets dealt with by the ghost posse, all that's left of him is a stain on the floor.
- Walking Spoiler: Can't be discussed without revealing that he's the one that summoned the ghosts to the Gun Manor.
- Would Not Hurt A Child: He has the Gun children sent to a small island overseas (implied to be the Kingdom of Loathing) rather than killed because he's "not a monster."
Other DLC antagonists:
The Hedge Wizard
A wizard who lives in the mansion's garden. He just showed up one day and nobody noticed.
- "Get Back Here!" Boss: Has to be fought three times, finally being killed the third time. He only runs away 10 feet.
- Big Bad Wannabe: He's got nothing to do with the haunting of Gun Manor, he just worships the forest spirit living in the hedge maze.
- When Trees Attack: Magicks the hedges of the Hedge Maze to attack your party
Spiders
A horde of big-ass spiders living in the mansion's basement.
- All Webbed Up: There's a few supply caches and one museum gift shop employee wrapped in their silk.
- Giant Spider: Range from "This is as small as we can draw them and still have them recognizable as a spider" to "the size of a car."
- Non-Malicious Monster: aside from being x-box huge, they don't pose much of a problem if you stay in a group. They're just hungry bugs looking for food. They leave the basement entirely once the really big ones are killed.
