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Characters / True Capitalist Ghost

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"I am your host, the man they call Ghost."
The sole host of the True Capitalist Radio broadcast and "Prognosticator of Prognosticators", Ghost is a short-tempered Texan pundit who has little patience for communists, liberals, fruitbowls, bronies, trolls and, well, a lot of things.
  • Aesop Amnesia: No matter how many times he gets mocked, humiliated, and made a fool of on air, Ghost never learns his lesson and goes back to the show the next day no smarter than when he started. Repeat ad nauseam for nine years on air.
  • Actually Pretty Funny: Overlapping with Open Secret below, there have been many times where Ghost is slow to react to/understand a particularly good troll (he'll often be entirely silent before he reacts), and the reason for at least a few is because it's obvious that he's trying to suppress/finish a laugh away from the mic before he feigns rage at the caller.
  • The Alcoholic: He denies it, but he has a LOT of cans around, calls for a drink after some rages, and frequently voices a desire to end the show and retire to a bar on Sixth Street.
    • As of March 2017, Ghost has actually admitted to having problems with alcohol and has, at least momentarily, stopped drinking altogether. Of course, the trolls have exploited this by constantly tempting him to fall off the wagon, which eventually happened on March 31st.
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  • Ambiguously Jewish: Though he furiously denies being a Jew, he does occasionally show traits that are commonly attributed to Jews. He REALLY seems to have a problem with Christmas, loves to complain and argue and seems to have at least some understanding of Yiddish. It also helps that the K-word is one of the very few ethnic slurs that he refuses to use deeming it antisemitic and he insists that he uses Yarmulkes for coffee filters, even though he constantly complains how much he hates coffee and its users. One time Freudian slip of him saying "I wear yarmulkes for coffee filters" and the greedy way he was trying to milk out money from his fans with the autograph sales by threatening to end Radio Graffiti if Mr. Fortune Cookie autographs sold less than Mr. Optimism autographs only perpetuated this.
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  • Angrish: Early on, he would rage SO hard he couldn't even form coherent English, nor say anything else.
  • Armored Closet Gay: One can only speculate on why Ghost throws out accusations of homosexuality as often as he does. That's to say nothing of how much he's speculated about the sex life of Barack and Michelle Obama (who Ghost claims is secretly a man for dubious reasons).
  • Bad Boss: He frequently abuses Engineer during the broadcast and often threatens to fire him for menial things such as him selling more autographs than Ghost.
  • Bald of Evil: An accusation made by trolls in late-2017 episode.
  • Break the Haughty: Happens to him pretty much every episode as the combination of Twitter Shout-Outs and Radio Graffiti break him down into a crazed, babbling shell of his former self. At least until the next episode.
  • Believing Their Own Lies: Rather than picking what he believes in based on evidence or facts, Ghost tends to just believe in whatever suits his political agenda best no matter how insane it sounds. This combined with his general refusal to engage in rational arguments makes it almost impossible to convince him that he is wrong about something.
  • Berserk Button: So, so many... they even have their own page now!
  • Brain Bleach:
    • Hearing about the MaskedPony situation caused him to vomit for about 15 minutes.
    • Seeing a Ghost body pillow gave him a similar reaction during Episode 352.
    • The Leslie Jones nude photos caused a similar reaction, especially when trolls tweeted it at him constantly and made a body pillow out of it.
  • Boisterous Weakling: Constantly makes bombastic threats towards the trolls and has yet to make good on any of them.
  • Broken Record: Ghost has a tendency to repeat the same lines over and over in each episode, even when he's getting emotional. See Catch Phrase on the main page.
  • The Bully: Ghost is very forceful with his opinions and will mostly loudly shout down anyone who challenges him on the air, even if they're sincerely expressing their views and aren't trolls.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Has some genuine financial knowledge in spite of his many eccentricities. Although it may be a case of a stopped clock being right twice a day, he regularly (and accurately) predicts waves and falls on the stock market in real time on his Twitter feed, showing that he's probably telling the truth about the substantial amount of money he's made off of stocks. The jury is still out on his claim that he owns several small businesses.
  • Butt-Monkey: Ghost is the butt-monkey of his own show.
  • Catchphrase: He has a lot of things he says, so much that it's better to look at the main page.
  • Character Development: Whilst Ghost is still the same in most regards, being a rude, self-entitled patriot, he has changed in a few regards over the course of the show. Comparing his reactions to trolls in earlier episodes, where it took more to set him off, let alone get a cans out of him, compared to the temperament he shows nowadays it's very clear that the years of troll terrorists and cyber vermin have definitely had an impact on his emotions.
  • The Chew Toy: Even when he's not being humiliated on-air he tends to run into trouble, such as the alleged "Double Dip Incident".
  • Cluster F-Bomb: For a short time after June 7th, 2016, probably due to the devastating Masked Pony incident, nearly all of Ghost's sentences were this, illustrating just how bitter and angry he was over the Masked Pony Incident.
  • Cold Turkeys Are Everywhere: He has tried several times to quit drinking alcohol during the course of the show for health reasons surrounding his ulcers. Of course, given the nature of his trolls, it's fairly obvious to say that they began trying to tempt him to start drinking again as soon as they found out.
  • Conspiracy Theorist:
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Some of the things he says are bizarre and downright idiotic, like when he spent literal hours ranting about how anime is bringing about the downfall of society.
    • The Cuckoolander Was Right: However, his theories do sometimes turn out to be right, such as his beliefs about the rise of ISIS in 2012, two years before the actual event (although he was far from the only person making that prediction).
  • Cool Old Guy: He occasionally has his moments of this. Despite being an arrogant old redneck, he seems to be surprisingly knowledgeable about modern pop culture (music, video games, etc.), and sometimes has a Pet the Dog moment.
  • Dark and Troubled Past:
    • Allegedly served in Vietnam and is loath to talk about the specifics of it. His reaction to trolls egging him on with references to it has made many in the fandom consider it a bit too far.
    • Ghost's intense dislike of certain topics (such as Christmas and his familial relations) doesn't suggest anything good about his history with them.
  • Deep South: Even though he doesn't sound the most Texan ever.
  • Determinator: Day after day, year after year, call after call and troll after troll...Ghost just doggedly keeps plugging along on air even as he insists the whole world (and 99% of the callers) are out to get him. Although he Rage Quit the show seemingly for good in 2012, he would eventually return to broadcasting in 2016, just as blindly stupid and dedicated as before.
  • Drowning My Sorrows: He claims to have taken up drinking and smoking regularly to make the pain of the current state of America go away.
  • Disproportionate Retribution:
    • If you piss Ghost off enough or just happen to be of a political orientation he disagrees with, he may go off on a profane, vitriolic rant about how much he despises you. If he's in an especially bad mood, he may try to sic his capitalist army on you or even reveal your phone number to all the listeners.
    • He also threatened to fire Engineer if the Engineer postcards sold more than the Ghost postcards.
  • Dude, Where's My Respect?: Around September 2016, Ghost began freaking out over all the people praising Engineer over him. He got goaded into selling the Engineer's autograph as well, with further freaking out at the possibility that Engie's signature would outsell his.
  • Earn Your Happy Ending: He went through a lot of hardships and drama since his 2016 return, but ultimately achieved his goal of getting Donald Trump elected as president in what he considered to be the most important election in American history.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Among Ghost's few redeeming qualities is the apparent love he has for his family, and attacking them is one of the easiest ways to get him to cans.wav. Naturally, this makes them a prime target for the trolls, who love making splices of him beating, murdering, and/or eating his family, or sometimes ones where he takes his "love" for his family a little too far...
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep" / No Name Given: Even after 9 years of internet fame, nobody has figured out his true name; the one and only alias this man has ever possessed is "Ghost".
  • Everything Is Big in Texas: Ghost, a native Texan, says as much.
  • Evil Virtues: Ghost shows a number of these despite his many other character flaws, especially the "love of family" and "determination" variants.
  • Fat Bastard: Though he denies being a hambone, Ghost can't possibly be in good health if he really does eat a stick of butter every day in addition to having a drinking problem and anger-management issues.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Can be surprisingly amiable towards people who agree with him, although this tends to make his sudden shifts into extreme anger more jarring.
  • Forgiveness: For all his many flaws, Ghost has frequently shown that he is a forgiving person. Good examples of this being how he was able to forgive Xarahox, CelticBrony, KaraszKun and G.
  • Gag Penis: Claims to have a "15-and-a-half-inch John Holmes sausage".
    • Teeny Weenie: A common trolling tactic is to remove the "15-and-a" part.
  • Genius Ditz: Ghost may be immature, obnoxious, and not nearly as knowledgeable as he claims, but the first segment of his broadcast shows that he has a very good understanding of how the markets work.
  • Genre Blindness: Nearly nine years on the air, and Ghost has learned basically nothing when it comes to the tactics of the people who call in purely to piss him off. (Which, to be fair, is about 90% of the show currently). He's no more wise to the tricks the trolls love to pull than when he started, which is actually one of the reasons that some people believe TCR is all an act- as it's hard to believe that anyone who displays that level of knowledge and makes as much as money as Ghost has on the stock market could possibly be as stupid as he appears to be.
  • Good Old Fisticuffs: According to himself, Ghost has started and won numerous fist fights in 6th Street and is capable of beating up any professional wrestler in a fist fight. Considering his personality though, Ghost probably exaggerates his stories a bit. Though considering that he may have fought in Vietnam, there's possibly at least some truth to Ghost's claims about his own badassery.
  • Greed: One of the few traits of his he's proud of (he's a true capitalist, after all). However he admitted that his "quest for maintaining more and more wealth got the best of [him]" when he made the mistake of moving to San Antonio.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: Pushing one of his many Berserk Buttons can send him into an impressive show of rage almost immediately.
  • He's Back: Returned to the airwaves late in 2015, after a three-year absence. And yet again as in 31th of October, 2017.
  • Hidden Depths:
    • Of all things he once showed interest towards poetry. Note 
    • In his September 1 Q & A, he revealed that he was a fan of Sherlock Holmes, and that he's been almost killed at least 12 times, 3 of those times being struck by lightning.
    • In spite of his age and disposition, Ghost is oddly knowledgeable of southern hip-hop. He's expressed a fondness for DJ Screw and Birdman, two major figures from the region. It can reasonably be deduced that Ghost enjoys rap music outside of his radio antics, which might explain why he considers Eminem inauthentic and feels so strongly about hating him.
  • Hot-Blooded: Sometimes he gets so worked up over whatever issue he's talking about that he sends himself into a rage without the assistance of trolls. He did later claim in his 2012 farewell broadcast that while his reactions to the actual politics-related calls were legitimate, many of his other outbursts were Played for Laughs.
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Ghost has strong opinions on a variety of subjects he doesn't understand particularly well, including but not limited to: science, history, politics, medicine, nutrition, and the way the government functions. However, he does have a decent grasp on economics and popular culture.
  • Hypocrite: Ghost frequently fails to live up the standards he holds other people to and goes against the values he purports to believe in. See the entry on the main page for more details.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Often drinks on air, usually after someone calls in with something nasty.
  • Ineffectual Death Threats: He's made MANY threats to the trolls, usually either about him beating them up or him filing a slander lawsuit ("Punitive damages!"). In either case, he hasn't taken action.
  • Internet Tough Guy: Whenever a troll makes fun of Texas, he never fails to tell them that they'd get their asses kicked if they said that while in the state. He also frequently claims that he's in the process of seeking punitive damages for their trolling. Naturally, nobody believes a word of it.
  • It's All About Me: Ghost frequently posits himself as being a wise capitalist with fans "throughout the world" and becomes positively livid whenever anyone suggests otherwise. Needless to say, his constant self-fawning is completely unwarranted given how he actually conducts himself on the show.
  • Jerkass: A vain, vindictive, crude, surly, short-tempered, condescending, unintelligent, and hypocritical Alex Jones imitator. That's not to say he doesn't have his endearing moments though.
  • Jerk With A Heart Of Jerk: Although he claims that he treats the Engineer well, Ghost is constantly yelling foul-mouthed abuse at him over the slightest transgressions. Ghost frequently curses at the Engineer even when he hasn't done anything wrong, presumably just so he can take his anger out on somebody. He also made the Inner Circle Short Bus so he could hurl abuse at any Inner Circle member he puts in it for not being like him.
  • Knight in Sour Armor: In spite of the torments he gets from trolls, he nonetheless continues the show in the hopes of inspiring his listeners to become capitalists, and takes pride in the ones that have accredited him to their success in investment and entrepreneurship.
  • Manchild: While Ghost is apparently a successful businessman with a family and grandchildren, his on-air antics show that he's wildly ill-tempered and extremely immature.
  • Mask of Sanity: A gossamer-thin one that doesn't even stay on most of the time. Although Ghost attempts to maintain a self-image of being an wise market guru, it takes very little for him to completely fly off the handle and become hysterically angry. Even when he's not flipping out, his demented conspiracy theories and extreme paranoia don't say anything positive about his mental health.
  • Men Don't Cry: Has broken down into angry whimpering before, but claims it was just because he poked his eye.
  • The Münchausen: Ghost often likes to make wild claims such as having to sleep only four hours a day to feel fully energized, being a Badass who frequently starts and wins barfights on 6th Street, and being a skilled hacker and programmer who has doxxed countless people and created his own operating system called Penix.
  • Naytheist: While he is critical of organized religion, he has acknowledged that he believes in a God or some sort of higher force.
  • Never My Fault: He accidentally drops his expensive award on his 500th episode, scuffing it, and immediately shifts the blame to the trolls in a fiery rage. Happened again when he busted his $250 belt while pretending to whip trolls' asses, and again when his own yelling caused Templeton to cry.
  • The Nicknamer: He likes to coin demeaning nicknames for a variety of things he has varying levels of disdain for. Highlights include Hillary Rotten Clinton, Canadia, Bernie Prostate-Infected Sanders, Navy Fatass Huskie, Cinco de Mayonnaise, Hispandex, and Britannia to name a few.
  • One of the Kids: In spite of Ghost trying his best to sound like a responsible adult capitalist, he often comes across as just as immature as the teenagers who call into his show. Hell, sometimes he comes off as more immature than them due to his nonstop temper tantrums, childish name calling, and generalizations of people he doesn't like.
  • OOC Is Serious Business:
  • Open Secret: TCR is at least partially an act. People still find him very entertaining and keep calling in to troll him anyways. It's less than Ghost is being disingenuous about all of his beliefs and idiosyncrasies, and more that he exaggerates the rage because it's part of his image and good for business.
  • Papa Wolf: While Ghost is protective of his family in general, he is especially protective towards his granddaughter and if the trolls start targeting her, he drops his usual exaggerated raging and begins talking back at the trolls with a serious tone, often hoping that they burn in hell and in the worst cases giving out their phone number so that everyone listening can prank call them.
    • This applies to children in general as of late, as trolls about pedophilia have led to Ghost wanting them doxxed off the internet.
  • The Paranoiac: Ghost frequently displays all seven criteria of this, especially since 2016. He claims that during his four year hiatus he was monitored by US and several foreign governments and had started to see ice cream trucks in the middle of the winter in front of his house. After his return he has become genuinely afraid that he will be killed off by an international conspiracy and even said that his wife will continue his work with The Capitalist Army if "something happens to him", and in one episode after discussing the possibility of Hillary Clinton's medical episode being an assassination attempt, he frequently checked the window, presumably to see if he was being watched. When the real John Conquest passed away, he quickly blamed the FBI due to trolls prank-calling them with his voice and the name John Conquest (it's more likely he passed from natural causes). He often claims to see and hear choppers over his house now, asking listeners at random intervals if they "hear the chopper". Not to mention how he believes he sees drones over his house when he's smoking in the backyard and even suspecting that the gardening and janitorial staff on his apartment complex were spying on him.
    • In a particularly famous example, Ghost heard some police cruisers pulling up in his neighborhood and he immediately started accusing the Trolls of SWATing himnote  before pulling his gun out, hunkering down and yelling at any knocks at the door that he's armed and dangerous. Given that there were apparently no consequences for doing this in the next episode, though, it's safe to say this was faked.
  • Pet the Dog: He was notably distraught when his dog managed to shock himself badly during a broadcast, and spent a sizable chunk of time after that comforting him and making sure he was going to be okay. Templeton in particular seems to be a soft spot for him - Notably, even when Templeton misbehaves, it's unlikely you'll be hearing Ghost outright curse at him or do much besides utter "Jesus Christ!" repeatedly and scold him in an annoyed rather than genuinely furious tone.
  • Pride: Humility is not one of his virtues, exaggerating his influence on the internet and assuming himself as an intelligent, alluring figure. The reason why he's so reluctant to sell signatures of the Engineer is because he couldn't handle his own assistant being more beloved than himself.
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: Ghost uses some rather boorish language to describe gay folk, ethnic minorities, women, and anyone else he finds disagreeable. He generally seems to be under the impression that the only qualification for being a bigot is usage of the N-word on black people and usage of the K-word on Jews, and any other slur is fair game.
  • Rated M for Manly: Ghost proudly proclaims that he is an alpha male and likes to make a deal out of the "manly dominance" that he's apparently throwing around on the broadcast "like it ain't shit". Also makes claims such as that he participates in bar fights for exercise and that his fists (as well as his penis on some occasions) are certified illegal weapons. This also tends to unintentionally cross over to Testosterone Poisoning territory due to the sheer absurdity of Ghost's claims.
    Ghost:(after complaining about Wrestling and John Cena being an Anime fan)[1] ...I'm from the streets, I get into barbrawls for exercise, you understand? I've built my cardio up starting bar brawls, alright, that's what I do. I'M PURE ALPHA BABY! I'M PURE ALPHA AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT!
  • Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense: Spent $250 on a belt, a piece of leather, and then ruined it pretending to whip the trolls with it.
  • Science Is Bad:
    • Many of Ghost's conspiracy theories show that he has a strong dislike of science. He frequently expresses hostility towards NASA, HAARP, the field of astronomy, and Stephen Hawking.
    • This anti-intellectual mindset towards science might also explain why Ghost's knowledge of nutrition is appallingly bad, with him claiming that copious amounts of butter is good for his heart.
  • Self-Made Man: Ghost's greatest source of pride. Based on his stories, Ghost came from a working class household and managed to amass a large fortune through brick & mortar businesses and day trading.
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: Supposedly served in Vietnam. During his May 29th surprise Sunday stream, someone made a splice with him in Vietnam, causing him to really lose it and go on about how he can see someone called "Charlie"note . That day, Ghost's behavior wasn't just rage. It was genuine disturbance. He insists, however, that he doesn't have PSTD, as he can "handle" his past traumas.
  • Smug Snake: Ghost is extremely arrogant and is often openly contemptuous of his listeners.
  • Sir Swears Alot: As of June 7th, 2016, Ghost is this tenfold. Originally, he only said tame swears like "damn" or "hell", and only used more vulgar swears like "shit" or "fuck" when he was absolutely fuming. But now, almost every single one of his sentences are Cluster F-Bomb's, and he's started saying "faggot" instead of "fruitbowl". This sudden irritation is likely caused by the Masked Pony incident.
    • Also is like this during his Paltalk sessions, where pretty much every other word out of his mouth is some variant of "fuck", "faggot", "pussy", or "shit", when he's calm.
  • Small Name, Big Ego: While Ghost has something of a cult following on the internet, he exaggerates his fame by constantly claiming that tens of thousands of people throughout the world tune into his show.
    • He's also prone to exaggerate the achievements of his "Capitalist Army", such as claiming that they are singlehandedly responsible for electing Donald Trump as President of the United States of America or bringing to light several issues and scandals during the election (rather than merely signal boosting and contributing to psyops and information campaigns that were already being carried out by other factions of the alt-right and /pol/).
  • The Social Darwinist: Ghost often encourages people such as Basement Dwellers and welfare frauds to commit suicide, because they aren't contributing to society in any way and thus their existence isn't needed and is a hindrance to the rest of society.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Aside from his total absence of any pattern detection skills when it comes to the trolls, Ghost has frequently demonstrated a complete lack of common sense when it comes to his own health and safety. Ghost's response to the police (supposedly) setting up shop outside and knocking on his door was to yell at them, "GET BACK, I'M ARMED!" note  Since that week's Radio Graffiti call did not end in a hail of gunfire, the mother of all cans.wav clips, and Ghost's name becoming unfortunately literal, we can assume that the "threat" was exaggerated, but one has to worry for the safety of everyone's favorite conservative idiot if he ever were to get into actual trouble with the law.
  • Trademark Favorite Food:
    • "Johnnie Walker, Blue Label, oh yeeeeaah!"
    • Butter as well, if his enthusiasm over its alleged health benefits is anything to go by. Comparisons to Paula Deen have been made.
  • Unstoppable Rage: He can REALLY flip out like never before, and most of the time, when he gets going, he can't stop. He can have nonstop rages that last over half an hour.
  • Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Ghost is a huge asshole, but his antics and rage are entertaining to listen to.
  • Vague Age: Ghost was once thought to be middle-aged, but if his claims of serving in the Vietnam War are true, he's at least pushing 60. Depending on how much of TCR is an act, and considering how much 80s/90s pop culture he knows, he may well be younger than either of those projections.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Seems to undergo one at least once every few episodes.
  • Villainous Valor: Credit where credit is due: almost every day for nearly nine years, Ghost has got up and done his show despite next to no recognition from the capitalist America he so clearly adores and the fact that basically everyone who ever calls in to his show takes great joy in belittling, tormenting, mocking, and insulting him, his health, his beliefs, his wife, his granny, Templeton, his Engineer, his Inner Circle, his few non-ironic fans, the state of Texas, Donald Trump, Herman Cain, capitalism... The man is nothing if not devoted to his ideals.
  • Verbal Tic:
    • Notably more than his other catchphrases, he utters "fer Christ's sake" every other sentence when he's exasperated.
    • Also the same with "man".
  • Victorious Loser: After the cancellation of the show's original run. Celtic and the NCF may have ended TCR, but Ghost seems to be quite happy now that he found a way to get away from the show.
    "Show may be gone, but #Ghost lives on. Brace for the future!"
  • Vocal Evolution: His voice noticeably sounds clearer and less compressed in the 2015 update video, with a stronger Texan accent. Likely the result of recording without Blog Talk Radio's compression and a new mic.
  • You Are What You Hate: Despite hating Alex Jones's guts, the two really couldn't be more alike if they tried.
  • You Bastard!: OH, SO VERY MUCH!
  • You're Just Jealous: Whenever trolls keep harassing him, he never forgets to point out that 1. he's making more money than the trolls ever will 2. Trolls are calling him a tinfoil hat wearer only because he's much smarter than they are and they're jealous because they can't come up with smart conspiracy theories like he does 3. he has much more personality than the trolls ever will.
    • Insulting the Inner Circle will probably lead to Ghost saying this.


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