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Characters / Timeslaughter

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"Ug pound you into ground so hard you be fossil."

Ug invented the wheel, fire, nuclear technology, the club, and murder. His reason for fighting- he has a puny brain.

"My pimp hits harder than you!!"

First Profile: Spice is our parody of the typical high school slut...well, ok maybe we took it too far making her a violent prostitute working for her pimp, Uncle Guido. Those are real sample from a porno movie she makes when she does her moves! Her reason for fighting - she hates men, and she hates women for liking men.

Second Profile: Every fighting game at the time seemed to have some woman in a skimpy outfit, so we had to have one one too. Ours was a really mean prostitute that did unspeakably bad things to genitals, especially when the AI got control of her. In the end, she does become a nun, but still destroys some genitals. At the time, it seemed hot to make her our age. Now, with an adult mind, it feels a little creepy.

  • Age-Inappropriate Dress: She's 16 years old, way too young to have a job like a prostitute. One of the game's creators explained that, since they were also 16 when creating the game, it made "perfect sense" to make a hot girl that's their age. Today it's looked as an Old Shame by the creators.
  • Does Not Like Men
  • Double Entendre: Two of her victory quotes.
    "That's typical... They always go unconscious on me."
    "Too bad I didn't lose... I like laying flat on my back."
  • Gag Boobs: They're bigger than her head!
  • Good Shepherd: She becomes a Nun in her ending. A clown thinks she's a Naughty Nun, so she gives him some Divine Retribution.
  • Groin Attack: Her specialty. Her Slaughter Move, fittingly called The Emasculator, has her kick the opponent in the crotch and then driving her leg upwards through their body, splitting them in half. She also gives this to the clown in her ending.
  • Half the Man He Used to Be: Her Slaughter move, "The Emasculator", has her cutting her opponent in half by kicking them from the crotch up.
  • Kick Chick: Her special moves all include her kicking in some way or another.
  • Ms. Fanservice: She's a parody of scantily-clad women typically playable in fighting games.

"What's all that brown stuff on the floor? Oh yeah! That's all the shit I beat outta ya."

First Profile: Savage woke up in a desert wasteland after the nuclear war of 2121, and had no memory. He made a place for himself as lord of the fight cages. Savage suffers from Tourette's Syndrome, a disease that causes him to swear everytime he gets excited (or is it an excuse?) His reason for fighting - the glory of victory.

Second Profile: (...)Savage was our answer to the strongmen wrestler types that showed up in most fighting games.


First Profile: Chi was the victim of a cruel practical joke. His master told him to guard a bridge when he was a mere child until the "flying monkeys" came. Chi never stopped guarding it. Now he's 45 and he can't speak any language, but he has taught himself many unique skills (he's had plenty of time to meditate). His reason for fighting - after 30 years everyone looks like a flying monkey.

Second Profile: (...)Chi's "language" may seem like it's making fun of Chinese, but it's actually making fun of those whiney fighting game characters like Fei Long or that other Bruce Lee clone from World Heroes. Our musician was Chinese and I don't think he even noticed this could be offensive!

"I had to kill you! You were much too ugly to paint."

First Profile: A brilliant painter and all around lady's man, Pierre is more than comfortable with his femininity. He and his brothers run an art studio of painting and sadomasichitic gluttony. His reason for fighting - people are much more colorful with bruises.

Second Profile: (...) A lot of people think Pierre was supposed to be gay. He was not. He was French. We also thought his accent was authentic. It was not.

  • The Casanova: He's stated to be one on the Timeslaughter website.
  • French Jerk: His personality is a typical French stereotype.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: His Slaughter Move, "Painting With Your Mind", has him forcing a paintbrush through his opponent's head.
  • Mistakenfor Gay: His profile on the Timeslaughter website says some players thought he was gay, due to his voice.

"Mmmmm, you look even tastier when you dead."

First Profile: After refusing to eat his father (the chief) when he retired, Mojumbo was forced to wear the mask of shame. Now he uses a massive arsenal of pyrotechnic voodoo to portect his pride and his people. His reason for fighting - because he's hungry!

Second Profile: (...)Mojumbo was originally Mr. Mojo, the horribly white souvineer guy from Executioners who I believe was the level 2 boss. When we decided to make Timeslaughter a game about time travel (didn't have a name back then), we realized that a white guy in a grass skirt didn't quite fit - so he got an ethnicity change. Oddly enough, Mojumbo was our Ken/Ryu fireball/uppercut guy and we ended up piling on some Blanka and Dhalsim moves to create a really unusual mix.

  • Fartillery: His hadoken, Fireball Flambe, is just him farting out a fireball at his opponents.
  • Hollywood Natives: Portrayed as this.
  • Hollywood Voodoo: Uses a voodoo doll in his Slaughter Move.
  • Shotoclone:: Stated to be the Ryu and Ken of Timeslaughter on the official website.

"Good. Now I can use your body as a raft."

Lazarus was a skilled Scottish doctor before he signed up for a three hour tour of the Carribean. After hitting a nasty tropical iceburg, the ship sank and he was forced to use his buddy's body as a raft. Now stranded on a desert island with only his hat, kilt, and a whole crate full of bottles (if he were Mac Guyver he'd be outta there), he's completely senile. His reason for fighting - he needs a new raft.


"Those who know not the taste of blood know not the taste of victory."

Vlad Dracul (Vlad the Devil) has a dangerous obsession with putting villagers on sticks. He almost always has to deal with an angry mob of vampire-killers. With the ability to control minds, transform, and open his mouth even wider than Spice can, Vlad is a very powerful bloodsucking machine. Reason for fighting - come on, I mean, "Vlad the Devil," that tells you something, right?

"Now you too know darkness."

First Profile: Blind from birth, Jinsoku has mastered his fighting skills by challenging trees to duels. He has won almost every fight against his wooden enemy. High in the snowy mountains, Jinsoku lives with his Aunt and Uncle. They make sure his wrist blades are sharp and his sandals are tied. His reason for fighting - he can't see anything, all your loud noises and your foul odors scare him.

Second Profile': (...)Jinsoku speaks our best effort at Japanese from a fan's email of an English-to-Japanese translation book. Keep in mind the internet was very different when we made this and that kind of thing was really hard to find.

"We thought you put up a good fight, didn't we? Yes, we did!"

Asylum was locked away in an insane asylum because of his tendencies to hurt others, play rough, and listen to alternative music. He claims to have the personalities of Hitler, Pee Wee Herman, Tiny Tim, Ethan Petty, Dr Seuss, and many, many more all living in his head. His reason for fighting - it wasn't him, it was the other guy!

  • Handicapped Badass: He fights in a straitjacket.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: His Slaughter Move, "I'm Sorry, Am I In Your Personal Space?" does this with Asylum's jamming his upper body into his opponent.
  • Series Mascot: He was the only character from the first Timeslaughter that was going to return in the second game.
  • Use Your Head: Being in a straitjacket, he does this in his special moves.

"Another portal set aflame... another life extinguished."

Portal aka William Spade is in the game as a usable character (has something to do with moving the cursor in circles around the select screen), but I am without a code. I will update this if I find it. His reason for fighting - he's pissed off.

  • Off with His Head!: He transforms his hand into a giant claw to rip off his opponent's head in his Slaughter Move "Pop The Cork".
  • Tragic Villain: He was just a simple scientist before he was tortured.

"Another dies in the name of Ratchkar!"

Staine, the Leader of the Takar death squad, is also a secret character in this game. The way to use him was similar to Portal's but I can't find it either. Staine has his own level where you fight in the hands of the Ratchkar - the god of the Takar. His reason for fighting - anyone who has seen a time portal must die.


"There are many forms of death and I have shown you but one."

The Takar have transformed Savage into one of their croanies, but why does he have Guillotine's head and the ball from Nogginknockers 2? Could it be a blatant plug??? His reason for fighting - it's a blatant plug.

  • The Cameo: The head following him is the ball from Blooglust Software's game Nogginknockers. His head is from Guillotine, one of Bloodlust's first protagonists.

"I was talking to my mom and she said, "Hey Buddy, why you out there fighting again?! You should be on the Tardwagon."

First Profile: Buddy is a scout leader in Tard Patrol Troop 401. Using his big moronic head and his oversized hairy arms, Buddy tries to hug anyone in sight - usually killing them. His reason for fighting - we told him to.

Second Profile: You may remember Buddy from our registration cinematic at the end of the shareware demo. Buddy was originally a genius, but sold his chess set to register Timeslaughter. He loved the game, but it destroyed his mind (as all games did in the 90s, apparently) and he became the Buddy Tardinski we know and drafted into the Bloodlust army.

  • Mama's Boy: He mentions his Mom in a win quote. When knocked out, he yells "I'm telling my mom!"

Example of: