All characters on this page (aside from the Critic himself) are played or voiced by Doug Walker.
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Future Nostalgia Critic
- Affectionate Parody: Somehow, the Critic ages into Doc Brown from Back to the Future.
- Cool Old Guy: If Critic ever does still grow into him, he'll have got over a lot of his issues (again) at the very least.
- Genre Savvy: In the Scooby-Doo review, he figures out all of the "plot twists": i.e. Velma hooking up with the random guy she was talking to earlier in the movie and figuring out that the antagonist is Scrappy-Doo.
- Ironic Hell: By Scooby-Doo he can't remember anything about his childhood, which basically means he's suffering from early dementia.
- Large Ham: Just like the character he was based on, though greatly downplayed in his last appearance.
- Noodle Incident: In the future, seahorses have taken over the world! Why? How? What? Huh? No answers.
- Running Gag: He draws out his "Great Scott!" line longer and longer in his third video appearance.
- Team Dad: In a sense. He deals very well with Critic being a whiny brat whenever he comes in, and in Scooby-Doo, acts the irritated parent to Critic and teenage!Critic's squabbling..
- Verbal Tic: A mix between a "hurr" and a sigh.
Raoul Puke
- Affectionate Parody / Shout-Out: Doug is a fan of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and prefers it over Citizen Kane.
- Captain Ersatz: Raoul Puke (pioneer in
GonzoFozzie Journalism) is based on Hunter S. Thompson's Raoul Duke.
- Cool Shades: Just like the ones in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
- Everybody Knew Already: He's under the impression that nobody knows he's done drugs.
- Hostile Show Takeover: Inspired by the Raoul Duke shoutout in Rango, he takes over the movie's Bum Review.
- Insufferable Genius: He knows his stuff, but he's an asshole to be around.
- Jerkass: Punching Chester unconscious just because Rango had a Raoul Duke parody that lasted for a few seconds.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Although it goes without saying since Thompson is, you know, Dead to Begin With.
- The Stoner: Like Critic, none of the stereotypical traits, but he stops the review of Reefer Madness to complain about the inaccuracies.
Optimus Prime
- Hates the Job, Loves the Limelight: And loves his fans.
- Nostalgia Filter: The Transformers turned out to be a lot goofier than he realized, but he's still proud of what it was for its time, especially compared to the film franchise.
- White-Dwarf Starlet: Although friendlier than most cynics of this type, and with a happier ending (he gets his wish of the audience wanting to see some silly Transformers cartoons).
Past Critic
A teenage (Technically 21 years old) Critic from the late 90's (Technically 2002) who appears in the review of Scooby-Doo when he realizes he, Present Critic, and Future Critic are all watching it together and decide to review it together as well.
- Anachronism Stew: He's supposed to be a representation of Walker's teenage self as seen in his home movies, however, has access to the Scooby-Doo film, and has talked about seeing The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, both of which came out in 2002.
- Character Catchphrase: "Narc" and "I remember that".
- Future Me Scares Me: He gets freaked out that he'll end up as a guy who has Perverse Sexual Lust for Isla Fisher just because she tied Vince Vaughn to a bed and put a sweaty sock in his mouth. Thought it's more a case of Not What It Looks Like from Critic not expressing the point clearly.
-
Hollywood Homely: Aside from the spots, he's got a lot of hair, a tight black t-shirt and an endearing attitude. Even the spots don't hide that Doug is looking ridiculously pretty. - My Future Self and Me: Done twice at the same time as he is with Present!Critic and Doc Brown!Critic.
- Nice Guy: More so than either of his future selves anyway.
- Nightmare Fetishist: His reaction to Future!Critic intruding on him and Present!Critic.Present!Critic: AH!
Future!Critic: AH!
Past!Critic: AWESOME! - The '90s: Grew up in this era.
- The Pollyanna: Despite everything we know that's already happened to him, he's an innocently sweet Conspiracy Theorist with tons of stuffed animals in his room and thinks those silly videos he makes are going to earn him millions.
- Wide-Eyed Idealist: Is truly looking forward to seeing the film based on the beloved Hanna-Barbera cartoon he knows all the characters in (he takes the description on the DVD cover to heart), but eventually shares his adult versions' opinion that it's crap. He keeps hoping for the best before his hopes are dashed though.
- Yuri Fan: He insists that Velma is "saving herself for Daphne" when he sees Velma flirting with a boy.
That Guy with the Robe
A character who only appears on the menus for the Best of TGWTG Vol. 3 DVD. The immortal guardian of the DVD menu pages, he has been stuck at his post for untold ages, and has cracked just a little under years of isolation. He's named all of his fingers and eaten five of his own toes (though not all on the same foot). He waits impatiently for viewers to make the choice that will grant them eternal life and constantly berates them for choosing poorly. He allegedly has a posse.
- Captain Ersatz: Of the ancient knight from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
- Go Mad from the Isolation: He's pretty high-strung. He crucified a cockroach with toothpicks once. And he killed a rat for no reason... and dressed it up like a lady of the night.
- Loners Are Freaks
- No Name Given
- Who Wants to Live Forever?: He sure doesn't.
Michael Bay
A parody of the actual Michael Bay that appears in the Pearl Harbor review in a series of skits documenting his "origins" as an adult film maker.
- Ambiguously Bi: It's implied at the beginning of the review that he taught the blonde girl how to give good blowjobs, he has a fey voice, and the non-Bay character he's attacking was all about the liking of dudes.
- Had an Almost Kiss with Zack Snyder in Freddy vs. Jason, which led to them merging in time for the next review.
- Attention Whore: He literally fades from existence if you don't watch and form opinions of his movies.
- Big Bad Ensemble: Shares this role with Impractical Joe in the Mad Max: Fury Road review, after it's revealed that he's the meninist leader.
- Character Catchphrase: "If you're going to suck, suck all the way", PORN IT!!!!!
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander
- Characterization Marches On: In the way his bigotry is treated. In Pearl Harbor, it's seen as cutesy and innocent, but in Mad Max: Fury Road he's the leader of the evil meninists.
- Cult: It's implied that the meninists are part of a cult that worships him.
- Cruel and Unusual Death: It doesn't take, but in the Transformers 4 crossover he gets electrocuted and then stabbed to death. Critic and Erod are both happy by this.
- Dodgy Toupee: In a Take That! to Donnie's vanity and liking of wigs to cover up his hairline, Bay's "hair" is revealed to be a piece when he adjusts it in a drunken haze.
- Everyone Has Standards: For all his stupidity and Skewed Priorities, even he's deadpan annoyed at Snyder being more interested in a date than being warned about three ghosts.
- A Father to His Men: Holds in high regard his roomates, Tina A. and Dog Johnson, vowing to depict them in movies the way they had an impact on his vision of women and black people.
- Fusion Dance / Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Merges with Zack Snyder to become a giant monster in the TNMT Out of the Shadows review.
- Giftedly Bad: He really believes that he makes art-full movies, and he suffers from a really bad Heroic BSoD when his Pearl Harbor gets beat down by the critics.
- The Ingenue: And is manipulated by a black Corrupt Corporate Executive no less. The end of Alvin and the Chipmunks implies that the analysts will use him as well.
- Innocent Bigot: He's sexist, racist and homophobic, but he's treated sympathetically in his first appearance. Not so much in the Mad Max: Fury Road review.
- In Touch with His Feminine Side: According to Doug, he only made his version of Bay like this to stick it to real Bay as much as possible. Even in the Mad Max: Fury Road review where he's happy to be the meninist cult leader, he still wants to go to a flower show.
- Large Ham: PORN IT!!!!!
- Punny Name: With him and Snyder being an Official Couple, "Bay" becomes the more romantic "bae" whenever Snyder says it.
- Reluctant Fanservice Girl: The camera can't resist paying more attention to his ass than to him generally when he's struggling up the stairs.
- Take That!: Goes without saying, but Doug digged in deeper during Midwest Media Expo 2015, saying he loved playing a version of Bay that the real Bay would hate, i.e feminine, talking about feelings, wanting to do a romance etc.
- True Companions: Sees his roomates as this.
- Uke: All the innuendo with his coupling with Snyder (Snyder being in his ass, and asking him on a date when he's in chains) suggests that he's the bottom.
- Wide-Eyed Idealist
Devil Boner
Introduced in the Small Soldiers review, a character very much not Colour-Coded for Your Convenience starring in his own line of, er, "child-friendly'' action figures.
- '90s Anti-Hero: A Perky Goth who goes around with a BFG fighting evil Princess Classics.
- Abusive Parents: His mother never gave him any love, although he's avoided the women-hate that tends to come with the Mommy Issues stereotype. What his dad must have been like is probably left better unknown.
- Affectionate Nickname: He trades them with Hyper Fangirl. He's her "turtleduck" and "puppykins" while she's his "razorblade" and "skullcrusher".
- Aggressive Submissive: Doug shows off Author Appeal again at the end of Mad Max: Fury Road, because as loud and extreme as the character is, he still likes dominant women, and "Freddy Vs Jason" has Hyper tackle him to the ground to make out. In her Q&A, she says he lets her choose all the movies they watch and even compares him to a pet dog.
- The Alcoholic: According to Hyper he downs straight gasoline to get wasted, and the first thing he and Hyper do after he proposes is get smashed.
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: He's a popular character to say the least, and his Distaff Counterpart Lady Love Embrace hasn't come back at all.
- Amazon Chaser: At the end of Mad Max: Fury Road, he's all for strong, dominant women, and when Hyper flirtily asks if he's a feminist, he flirts back that he's whatever she wants him to be.
- Ambiguously Bi: Married to Hyper, but is progressive about gender and sexuality (referring to her as an "honorary dude" at one point), and Doug called him a Leather Man in the Small Soldiers behind the scenes. And there's that time he aimed to shoot Benny in the mouth with an explicitly phallic gun...
- Animal Motif: Dogs, mostly thanks to Hyper: she calls him "puppykins" more than any other nickname (which apparently gets him to calm down most of the time) and lovingly compares him to a pet dog in her Q&A video for being "cute and funny and furry and great". When Hyper cosplays Velma, she calls him in to imitate Scooby-Doo, and even implies it's a fetish.
- Anti-Villain: He's so likable (good boyfriend, good feminist ally who is also fine with varying gender identity, extreme macho but In Touch with His Feminine Side) that it's easy to forget that he's the sort to start wars in Jamaica for funsies.
- Arch-Nemesis: Lady Love Embrace is setup like his archenemy. Devil Boner is a dark, edgy, but good guy while Lady Love Embrace is a Card-Carrying Villain with a very pleasant image. She doesn't appear again, however.
- Batter Up!: Uses a thorny bat to beat the shit out of a Deadpool cosplayer who tries touching Hyper's boobs.
- Book Dumb: He's got common sense going for him, but he's more brawn than smarts, and the plates in his head stop him from understanding what a lot of words mean. Hyper refers to him with love as her "dumb guy [she] can eat with" and comments that he's "so simple".
- Blatant Lies: "I'M CHILD-FRIENDLY!"
- Breakout Character: Was already popular before the Fury Road review, but the extra focus on his character, particularly the speech he gives the meninists and the (eventually canonized) Ship Tease with Hyper Fangirl, led to a big increase in his fanbase and bigger roles in subsequent episodes.
- The Cameo: He appears in the Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance review for no reason other than fanservice. In two videos only his voice cameos: the end of the The Phantom of the Opera (2004) review where he takes Hyper on a date, and Tamara's Velma Dinkley cosplay video where he imitates Scooby over the phone as a bonus to Hyper's cosplay.
- Category Traitor: Because he's on Curiosa's side, the meninists revoke his man card. He really doesn't give a shit and lets loose on them.
- Character Development: In Mad Max: Fury Road. He starts off wanting to kill Critic for not liking the film the best (plus complaining in Demolition Man about Political Overcorrectness), and being in pain from a girl's film beating it, to giving "The Reason You Suck" Speech to meninists because of how misogynistic and whiny they are.
- Chick Magnet: All the women in Mad Max: Fury Road review find him sexy after he reams out the meninists. Even Beth and Tamara in commentaries fangirl over him for how Real Men Wear Pink he is.
- Compensating for Something: His affinity for "stick-heavy" weaponry in Mad Max Fury Road gets lampshaded. In Cinderella Old vs New, he literally gets out a giant penis gun when Benny's stealth is too much for him.
- Cool Car: In The Phantom of the Opera (2004), he still has his spikefest vehicle from Mad Max: Fury Road and takes Hyper out on a date to a Pottery Barn with it.
- Costume Evolution: Downplayed: as of Old Vs New: Evil Dead, while he still sports the signature jacket, wig, and eyeliner, his black T-shirt has been swapped for a black striped tee with a skull and knife graphic, and he no longer wears a bandolier. Later episodes play with his appearance further, giving him fingerless gloves in the Doom review and bringing the bandolier back in Batman vs. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, though it's justified in that case as he's actually in combat for the first time in several episodes.
- Dark Is Not Evil: An Affectionate Parody of this trope, being an edgy gunman dressed in spiky black whose heroism seems to be an Informed Attribute. In later episodes, he flip-flops between acting antagonistic and acting as more of a comic Anti-Hero.
- Designated Hero: Invoked in his first appearance. When the Critic illustrates how appearance of the toys don't match their good-evil roles, Devil Boner is supposed to be a child-friendly hero.
- Does Not Like Spam: He's afraid of artichokes, for some reason.
- The Dreaded: Like his wife, post-kidnapping Critic finds him intimidating, and backs up in fear when he gets threateningly protective over Hyper.
- Everyone Has Standards: He's brutally violent and ridiculously manly, but in the Mad Max: Fury Road review, he got fed up by The Meninists' rants about how women ruin action flicks.
- Fanboy: Of Mad Max: Fury Road, he punches out and kidnaps Critic when the latter says that the film is great, but not as good as everyone says. He's also in agony over having to agree that Bruce Campbell isn't always perfect.
- Fire Is Masculine: Devil Boner is an overly violent caricature of masculinity and can create fiery explosions at will. In the Old vs. New: Cinderella episode, he enters the room via explosion and loudly gushes about his girlfriend while surrounded by fire.
- Flat Character: Originally designed as nothing more than a Testosterone Poisoning joke, he eventually became a recurring character with some decent emotional depths, turning against the meninists and falling for Hyper Fangirl. Even Doug is surprised at the subversion, as he says you'd think it'd be difficult to get anything out of him, and Rob adds that the feminism made him even more popular.
- Freudian Excuse: His mother never loved him, and that's why he's so loud and testosterone-poisoned. Old Vs New Evil Dead also somehow connects his stubbornness to a fear of artichokes.
- Genius Ditz: He displays a fairly deep understanding of action movie tropes and their philosophical implications in episodes like Demolition Man and Batman vs. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but he's clueless about anything that doesn't have to do with sheer impulsive violence.
- Good is Not Nice: Played with. His impulsively violent nature often places him in an antagonistic role, such as his kidnapping Critic in Mad Max and Old vs. New: Evil Dead, but his bluntness allows him to give the meninists "The Reason You Suck" Speech that they deserve.
- Green-Eyed Monster: "Old vs New: Evil Dead'' implies that he does actually have issues with Hyper chasing Critic, complaining when she listens to the latter and not him.
- Guyliner: With all his extremism, he had to have massive circles of eyeliner around his eyes. Though according to Hyper's Q&A, it isn't makeup and he just naturally looks that way. She does point it out in her "Boyfriend Does My Makeup" video to give credit to his (otherwise nonexistent) makeup skills, but they also both know that he never takes it off.
- Happily Married: Married to Hyper Fangirl as of the Chipwrecked review, and they're incredibly loyal and affectionate towards one another.
- Hell-Bent for Leather: He dresses in a leather jacket, often with one of his sleeves ripped off, to emphasize his aggressive war-mongering personality.
- Henpecked Husband: Played with. Hyper usually lets him murder whoever he wants, and they do love each other, but she's often the only one capable of reigning him in if she disapproves of his actions, and he listens to her at the drop of a hat. She also has a generally dominating personality, and if their pet-names are any indication, he's the snuggly bear to her "skullcrusher". A highlight is in the Batman vs. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles review when she makes him throw his phone into a time portal to get rid of some bad fanfiction:Devil Boner: Uhhh, this is my phone.Hyper Fangirl: And I'm...your wife.Devil Boner: Can't argue with that. [tosses his phone]
- Hidden Depths:
- He's surprisingly knowledgeable on when an 80's/90's movie's disguising itself as a Dick Flick and whether there's deeper meaning behind it.
- He's also surprisingly progressive as of the Mad Max review, being okay with homosexuality and realizing that women can be strong and dominant while not having a problem with it. He even knows the lifestyle of penguins. He also admits (after Bay gets blown up) that he's insecure about his masculinity and so over-compensates.
- With Evil Dead, he's shaken up for the first time ever when he "kills" the Hyper doll, shows that he's a little jealous of Hyper's Critic's obsession, and shares her kink for tying up Critic.
- In the Batman vs. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles review, he hints at an interest in philosophy when he briefly ponders "complicated questions about ethical responsibility" while fighting time-travellers before Critic interrupts him.
- Incoming Ham: Introduces himself by blowing up the walls and shouting "DEVIL BONERRRRR!!!"
- I Want to Be a Real Man: Blink and it'll slip past, but in Mad Max: Fury Road when he's chasing Critic, he admits he's way overcompensating with regards to the masculinity thing. Hyper and figuring out that dominant woman are cooler than sexist men actually help him out a bit.
- Jabba Table Manners: Watch him ripping a Devils Foodcake to pieces.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: In the Fury Road commentary, Doug talks about how Devil Boner's not going to go outright activist or anything, just is more of an ally because he knows prejudiced bullshit isn't cool.
- Large Ham: HE REALLY LIKES SCREAMING IN A VERY HEAVY METAL FASHION!!!
- Leather Man: While he's married to Hyper and appreciates Curiosa's flirting, Doug jokes in the Small Soldiers behind the scenes that the character just came from a leather bar.
- Mangst: He grits out that his mom never loved him only after looking back at the massive explosion he caused.
- Manly Facial Hair: Doug already has a beard, but to play Devil Boner, he uses makeup to make his facial hair darker and scruffier, further emphasizing the character's over-the-top manliness.
- Meaningful Name: Hyper in her Q&A proudly confirms he has a "devil boner".
- Mini-Me: Has an action figure of himself in the “New vs Old” of Evil Dead to help with couple’s counseling.
- Names to Run Away from Really Fast: It's really hard to pass yourself off as a good guy when your name is Devil Boner.
- No-Sell: The metal plates in his head let him shrug off Bennie's sniper fire.
- Psycho for Hire: He tells Impractical Joe that he just likes killing things and doesn't need any reward, and he replaces Benny as Hyper's outlet for mindless violence, though this is obviously in more romantic context than the first example.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: After listening to the Meninists' Straw Misogynist rants against women in action movies, he actually called them out for spewing sexist remarks without even talking directly to an actual woman.
- Sickeningly Sweethearts: With Hyper Fangirl. The Critic is annoyed with their public displays of affection.
- Stubborn Mule: He admits his inability to back down from a fight in ''Old vs New: Evil Dead".
- Stuff Blowing Up: His main ability is causing things to explode by simply wanting them to explode.
- Testosterone Poisoning: As part of being a Large Ham. Eventually deconstructed in Mad Max: Fury Road, as he's still extreme, but the meninists think he's awesome at first and he very quickly regrets this, rejecting the sexism and closed-mindedness that comes with the trope at the end of the episode.
- Understanding Boyfriend: He enables Hyper's Ax-Crazy, but in a way that actually makes her happy. Jamaica suffers for it, but at least she's not as miserable as she was. He apparently wasn't kidding when he told us he was "SNUGGLY AND SOFT".
- Use Your Head: He blocks bullet with it when he protects Hyper in the "Old Vs New Cinderella", saying that he has a bunch of metallic plates in his head, which also stops him for understanding what most words starting with 's' means.
- Violently Protective Girlfriend: A male example, don't touch Hyper Fangirl if you value your life. As a Deadpool cosplayer learned.
- Wild Hair: It looks like someone's electrocuted a goth hedgehog.
- Wholesome Crossdresser: To call him wholesome is a stretch, but he dresses like his girlfriend (while she crossdresses as Critic) on Halloween is very endearing. Downplayed, however, as it's offscreen and Hyper's clothing is fairly gender neutral.
Teddy Ruxpin
First appearing in the Halloween Episode special, he is a doll that the Critic states is hideous, annoying, dull and scary. Let's just say the doll didn't like what he said and decides to pay him back. Let's say it becomes less of this and more For the Evulz as the special goes on. It makes a cameo in the 2nd commercial special.
- Berserk Button: It does not like being called annoying or hideous, and decides to kill him. At least that's his initial motivation.
- Big Bad: of the Halloween Episode with Grubby as The Dragon.
- Creepy Doll: A murderous teddy bear.
- Disproportionate Retribution: The doll's actions soon become far more sadistic than simple pettiness and soon becomes obvious that he is elated in killing the Critic.
- Groin Attack: Bites the Critic's gonads to prove his existence.
- Knight of Cerebus: Most of the Critic's sketches were pretty harmless, and then this Creepy Doll shows up and causes the entire special to be disturbing and horrifying.
- Mood Whiplash: Much Darker and Edgier than much of his earlier and later sketches, and one of the first times prior the Suburban Knights that he's been actually been in life threatening danger.
- Red Eyes, Take Warning: Both its unnaturally human eyes and the glowing kind he reveals to be Satan.
Casper
A not-so-friendly ghost that first appeared in the review of his live action outing.
- Back from the Dead: Well, kind of. He melts into nothing at the end of the Casper review, but he comes back a few times later. Since he's a ghost, this might be justified.
- The Cameo: In episode one of Demo Reel. He also makes a brief reappearance in the Critic's review of The Purge, repeating the "TIMING!" gag before being punched in the face.
- Dirty Coward: He acts all high and mighty, bossing the Critic around, because the latter can't touch him. But as soon as the Critic fights back with something that can actually hurt him, he flees like a coward.
- Even Evil Has Standards: He's sickened by Critic's inappropriate abortion joke.
- Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: He has a hilariously confused expression on his face when the Critic actually gives praise to the movie.
- Evil Laugh
- Insufferable Genius:"Oh please, don't you know what the true essence of comedy is?"Critic goes on with his review for a minute."TIMING!"
- Jerkass: Whenever Critic tries to bring logic in, Casper just slaps him around.
- Madden Into Misanthropy: He's tired of being the "friendly ghost".
- Nice Character, Mean Actor
- Old Shame: His in-universe opinion of his theatrical movie.
- The Stoner: "...I don't know what I was smoking to say that".
- Took a Level in Jerkass: This is not the Casper you know.
Douchey McNitpick
- Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: His mother often breaks into his room and reveals humiliating things about him. She agrees with The Nostalgia Chick when she tells Douchey he needs to bathe."ARE YOU MASTURBATING AGAIN?!"
- Anti-Role Model: The Critic tells you it's okay to point out any errors you find in his videos, as long as you're not an ass about it like Douchey.
- Ascended to a Higher Plane of Existence: He's the one chosen to replace The Nostalgia Critic inside the Plot Hole. He's perfect for the job.
- Basement-Dweller: As of The Next Top 11 NC Fuckups, he lives in his mom's basement.
- Breakout Character: Due to the fact that he can easily represent any
Fan Dumb, he's annoyed both The Nostalgia Chick and Linkara. - Character Catchphrase: "Hold it right there!", "OOOOOH!", and "(insert INSULT here)"
- Creepy Crossdresser: Heavily implied to be why Douchey knows the difference between a 18th century dress and a Victorian one.
- Cut Lex Luthor a Check: Invoked. The Critic eventually offers him a position as his official fact checker, and he turns it down because then he wouldn't be able to complain about things.
- Even the Guys Want Him: In his appearance in Linkara's "Comic Book Ads", he tells him he should look more like Benzaie. And he also insults Critic a few times by calling him a whore. For a straw fanboy like Douchey, that's slightly... odd.
- Everyone Has Standards: He's able to pity the Critic for his breakdown in part three of the fuck-ups, and tells the rest of the audience to pray for him.
- Fate Worse than Death: He was chosen to replace the Critic in the Plot Hole, meaning he must spend the rest of eternity correcting mistakes in the universe. While this seems perfect for him, he proclaims that "this is the worst job ever!"
- Felony Misdemeanor: Declaring any mistake Critic makes to be worthy of cruel and unusual punishments.
- Fetish: He keeps ordering midget porn.
- Grammar Nazi: "'Made' is spelled wrong!"
- Heteronormative Crusader: He hates the Chick for not being his standard of beauty and one of the things he considers a fuck-up is the Critic wearing eyeliner. On the other hand, his standard of beauty turns out to be Benzaie.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: It takes Linkara less than a minute to confuse Douchey by easily countering his Insane Troll Logic right back at him.
- Hypocrite: He insulted the Critic for wearing eyeliner once, but it's implied he likes to crossdress in private.
- Insane Troll Logic: According to him, posting on the internet makes him right, using people you admire for cameos is stupid, and Frank Miller is God.
- Internalized Categorism: He's at the very least bi-curious, but has deep loathing for anything not "normal".
- Jerkass: Douchey just loves to torment the Nostalgia Critic, even playing the Doug theme when he knows that would set him off. It's also telling that Douchey isn't the one to remind the Critic of the autism fuck-up.
- Jerkass Has a Point: While his criticisms are always presented in an extremely rude manner, it's not entirely uncommon for them to be objectively right.
- Karma Houdini: Double subverted. After his last appearance in the third fuck ups of being sympathetic to Critic, Doug forces him to merge with the Plot Hole because he's worthless, but he shows up in Todd's "Applause" review with no mention of the plothole and is totally fine watching cartoons.
- Manchild: As a parody of complaining fans. And as mentioned above, the only time he's not used as a Take That, Audience!, it's to react to Lady Gaga singing "I've overheard your theory: 'nostalgia's for geeks'".I know! I watch Saturday morning cartoons from the 80s every day, and there's nothing uncool about it!
- My Beloved Smother: Douchey still lives with his mother, which he tries to conceal.
- My God, What Have I Done?: At the end of “Fuck Ups Part Three”, he finally realizes that Critic really has had a number put on him by, well, everything and so tries to make up for his part by leaving in peace.
- Nerd Glasses: Unlike the decent ones Doug wears for the Critic, Douchey's are huge and ugly.
- Parental Obliviousness: His mother doesn't get that he and the Critic aren't friends.
- Perverse Sexual Lust: While arguing with The Nostalgia Chick, we get this little line in the rapid fire insults."Jokes on you! I'm still going to masturbate to your picture tonight!"
- When he's not masturbating to the Green M&M.
- Pet the Dog: He decides to leave the Critic alone after a particularly psychotic breakdown ensued in his third Fuck Ups video.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: His first deemed fuck-up of Critic's is thinking he thinks Everything Is Racist, he complains at him for wearing eyeliner, Critic brings up the autism fuck up on his own, and he's just an all round Slut-Shaming misogynist.
- Psychopathic Manchild: He has a screeching temper tantrum whenever he doesn't get his way.
- Put on a Bus to Hell: He never appears in the series again after he took the Critic's place in the Plot Hole where he is forced to nitpick at reality inconsistencies for the rest of his life, which he declares is "the worst job ever". Though he is never seen in this series again, he does make one more cameo in Todd in the Shadow's "Applause" review.
- Shadow Archetype: To Chester. Both have No Indoor Voice, go off on random tangents and have the same wi- hair, but while Chester is generally a good guy who gets idealistic about every movie he sees and deals with a sucky life through drugs and alcohol, Douchey is an entitled whiner who disproportionately complains about everything.
- Stalker with a Crush: He's just a touch too obsessive, what with waiting until three in the morning to watch the videos as soon as they come out.
- Straw Fan: A representation of the overtly complaining part of the fandom.
- Straw Misogynist: He calls The Nostalgia Chick a whore for not conforming to his standards of beauty. Also in a behind the scenes, Doug says Douchey would despise Hyper not for the bad things she's done, but because she's a girl who thinks Critic is attractive.
- Throw the Dog a Bone: Not like he really deserves it, but he's had two doses of satisfaction; in the "Old Vs. New: Willy Wonka" where he got to torture Critic with evil ear worms with no retribution and in the "You're A Dirty Rotten Bastard" special where without the Critic being alive, he would have been the best fan ever.
- Too Dumb to Live: If he's the Critic's "biggest fan", then wouldn't he realize that pushing his patience beyond its limits (especially when Critic is trying his best to keep calm) is a really bad idea?
- Troll: What he's best known for. Actually, during his review of Ernest Scared Stupid, he appears as the "fearsome, nasty troll" that Ernest caught.
- Unpleasable Fanbase: He declares a pox on the Critic, IMMEDIATELY after the Critic sarcastically says "Who am I to doubt the logic of internet commentators?"
Dr. Smith
- Abusive Parents: Mentioned a lot less than Critic's mom, but still was horrible enough to do something to Critic to make him never mouth off again.
- Card-Carrying Villain: Like in the movie, he doesn't attempt to hide that he's evil, though in the Quest for Camelot review, he does point out that since he's now a spider hybrid, pretending to not be evil probably wouldn't work anyway.
- Character Catchphrase:
- "Spiiiiiiders!" Sometimes extended to "Spiiiiiders! A giant legion of spiiiiiiiders!!", which appears to be his suggestion for anything.
- "You're doomed! DOOMED!!"
- Chekhov's Gunman: The Last Angry Geek's “Spider-Man and the X-Men” review turns a silly one-note character much more important with a Cerebus Retcon, as Critic stepfords that the mutation gave him cancer, and later sadly says goodbye to his father.
- Connected All Along: Years after he was even on the show, and with all the mentions of a threatening Disappeared Dad, it was finally revealed that he was Critic's daddy.
- Control Freak: Ask That Guy complains that when he dies (though this doesn't come to pass and he dies alone), dad and mom will still be micro-managing him.
- Disappeared Dad: While he popped up through a portal any time Critic mentioned spiders, Critic lived with his mother until she died.
- Domestic Abuser: Offscreen and discussed by Ask That Guy, but he apparently smacked Mama Critic around for saying something he disagreed with and “to make up for all the times he should have smacked her”.
- Dropped a Bridge on Him: A cutaway gag in a The Last Angry Geek sketch reveals that he died of cancer off screen.
- Everyone Has Standards: When he sees that the Critic is drunk off his ass, he leaves with no fuss.
- He was also pretty shocked that Critic was doing the Stephen King Drinking Game.
Dr. Smith: What smells like urinated whiskey?Nostalgia Critic: Oh I'm playing the Stephen King Drinking Game.Dr. Smith: Good GOD MAN!!! That's been known to kill people!! - Evil Is Hammy: Dr. Smith is often seen bouncing left and right and flailing his hands whenever he speaks.Nostalgia Critic: How could anyone been stupid enough to trust you?! I mean, you're a freaking spider! (Beat) A spider!
Dr. Smith: Well that seems hardly fair.
Nostalgia Critic: Even before then, your acting was so over the top, all that was missing was a top hat and a mustache to twirl! - Evil Laugh: A very long one with Insano when they create the sequel to The Secret of NIMH.
- Giant Spider: Rather, a man-spider.
- I Just Want to Be Loved: Said word for word in Kickassia.
- Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: The make-up and the bulging eyes are actually creepier than his personality.
- Large Ham: Not that the original performance wasn't. Lampshaded by the Critic in the Quest for Camelot review.Dr. Smith: Did somebody question my subtle acting?!
Nostalgia Critic: Come on, Dr. Smith. You're about as subtle as a fucking train wreck! (Beat) On a boat! - Nightmare Fuel: Doug himself actually acknowledged that Smith is this to some people.
- Obviously EvilCritic: You need to be diabolical. Actually fool people think you're a kind, gentle, caring person! You think you can do that?Doctor Smith: (looks over his giant blue spider body)...I think the boats sort of sailed on that one...
- Single-Issue Wonk: Did we mention the spiiiiiiiders!?
- Speak of the Devil: He comes up again when the Critic realizes what the big monster in It was, and also when Gary Oldman shows up as the obvious villain in Quest for Camelot.
- Took a Level in Kindness: His appearances in the Critic episodes are an Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain, but being Critic's dad, was much nastier in the past and fucked him up good.
- When All You Have Is a Hammer…: Spiders are his answer to any problem.Nostalgia Critic: Do you know what you need to do, Doctor Smith?Doctor Smith...Does it involve spiders?
Dr. Bitch Spasms
- Killed Off for Real: And his corpse is still lying on the Critic's floor.
- One-Shot Character: "Don't worry. He won't be a Recurring Character".note
- Troll: He throws his red nose at a sick, annoyed Critic for no good reason, and runs off before he can get his ass kicked.
Doug/The Writer
Doug Walker Adam Westing. Critic's creator who, post The Review Must Go On, makes appearances in episodes and Hyper Fangirl vlogs.note
- Abusive Parents: Appears in the AI review, smashing a child's Furby and mocking him for crying because Therapy Is for the Weak.
- Apologizes a Lot: In the Freeze-Frame Bonus book of “The Top 11 Best Avatar Episodes”, he apologizes profusely for being angry because he's had five days with no sleep, food or water.
- Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Pokes at this trait in The Last Airbender, as he has no idea what to do to save Avatar, because he can't remember a few weeks back and is trying to focus on Korra now.
- Beware the Nice Ones: In the “Awesome Comics” promo, he beats the shit out of the new guy for telling everyone that he still wears Ewok briefs.
- Butt-Monkey: In The Last Airbender, he's the platypus bunny and is really not happy about it, Critic doesn't know his name no matter how many times he tries to tell him, and he's bitter against Critic in general.
- Dirty Coward: Rachel!Katara disappointingly tells of when the world needed him most (to review The Last Airbender), he bailed on everyone.
- Dude, Where's My Respect?: He can barely get his name bothered with in The Last Airbender, let alone respect.
- Everyone Has Standards: Even he has limits with how much he can be calm towards Hyper, as he angrily tries to take her camera away when she wants in on his hotel room.
- Extreme Doormat: In comparison to Critic, he doesn't like Hyper either but appeases her while twitching and clearly wanting to be as far away from her as possible.
- The Friend Nobody Likes: Doug writes himself in-universe as the one people either mistreat cos they find him annoying or they just forget about him.
- Keet: Before Critic even hears Doug speak in his absorbing of the vlogs, he first sees multiple scenes of Doug just bouncing around and going Puppy-Dog Eyes with those giant blues he's possessed with.
- Manchild: According to the promo from the comic book show, he still wears the same Ewok Adventure briefs he wore as a kid.
- Meta Guy: Being from the real world and creating Critic's one it goes without saying. One particular complaining moment from him was why did he make the latter so convoluted.
- No-Respect Guy: In the in-universe behind the scenes (Hyper's vlogs), as Rob wants him as a Butt-Monkey sidekick (because sidekicks are there to be abused apparently) and Hyper likes that idea.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: Both him and Critic appear in Hyper's vlog and they both ask how she got in, but Doug's nervy and twitchy about it and Critic is pissed off and tells her again and again that he wants her to leave.
- Replacement Goldfish: According to Rob's All There in the Manual, he was the wedding photographer because Hyper liked that he looked like Critic.
- Sleeping with the Boss: Played for Laughs (and definitely not in real life) at the end of Bad Movie Beatdown's “The Jazz Singer”, where he kisses (boss at this point, now former) Mike Ellis on the head and gets called sweetheart.
- Took a Level in Jerkass: He went from a sweet (if slightly burdened) Writer in To Boldly Flee to “The Ava-Jerk” in The Last Airbender, “master of ripping films apart to restore balance”.
- Transparent Closet: An amnesiac Critic accuses him of it in-universe, putting in so much Female Gaze and Homoerotic Subtext throughout the anniversary movies that he “needs to come out of the closet or double bolt it shut”.
- Twitchy Eye: Mocked his RL tendency by pulling one when Hyper first comes into the studio.
- Workaholic:
- Mocked his real life problems with it in the Freeze-Frame Bonus book Jason is reading during “The Best Avatar Episodes”, exploding at people who read it and then apologizing, saying that he's so tired because he's been editing the video for five days with no food or water and isn't sure how he can still be alive.
- Parodied in his commercial for Audible, where he says he works so much he doesn’t have time to do other stuff, and it cuts to him trying and failing to both read and put on the Critic outfit.
Agent Schmuck(er)
First appearing in the Matrix review, Agent Schmuck represents the Matrix fanbase and argues against the Critic's criticisms of the movie. However, he has darker machinations in action and is not what he seems.
- Back from the Dead: Like Agent Smith, he returns in the Reloaded review despite being killed in the review of the first film. He implies this is due to As Long as There Is Evil, as "there's a Schmucker born every minute".
- Big Bad: He's the villain for Matrix Month, complete with a Hugo Weaving style Evil Laugh.
- Character Catchphrase: "Mister Algiacritic".
- I Just Want to Be Loved: Once he's revealed as a Stranger from Dark City, he says he wants people to show more love and appreciation for his movie, so the Strangers commissioned Black Willy Wonka to use many of the same elements and use them in The Matrix, which was far more popular.
- The Men in Black: Like the Agents of the film series, he wears a black suit with sunglasses.
- Me's a Crowd: Like Smith, he has several copies of himself to aid him. They don't all die when he does like in The Matrix Revolutions.
- No Such Thing as Bad Publicity: Wants the Critic to review The Matrix Revolutions and tell the world that it is horrible. This would make up for the lower than expected box office returns.
- Punny Name: Several times over. Initially of course he's a "schmuck", then upon his return as Schmucker he says of his army of copies "there's a schmucker born every minute", followed by "with a name like Schmucker, I have to be good". He then immediately lampshades that the younger viewers of the show probably won't get the latter joke.
- Straw Character: Lampshaded in The Matrix Reloaded, as Schmuck is now Schmucker and says he's such an easy character to make that there's one born of him every minute. He's still an easily defeated Straw Fan though.
- Talking the Monster to Death: Is destroyed by the Critic when the Critic points out a plot hole he cannot refute. Schmuck in turn prefers to talk his opponents into submission over physical violence.
- That Man Is Dead: Upon his return in Reloaded, he calls himself "Schmucker".
- Verbal Tic: To parody Smith saying "Mister Anderson", he refers to the Critic as "Mister Algiacritic".
- Villain Has a Point: In The Matrix Revolutions, telling Critic that there's no more point to his existence if he's not reviewing. How many times has Critic himself complained about that? In this instance he agrees with Schmuck before using the gun argument.
Isaac
- A Child Shall Lead Them: Just like in his original movie, he's trying to convince the children of the world to rise against the adults. By using Totally Radical commercials, NC Reviews and Disney movies.
- Creepy Child: A child who longs to take over the world and kill all adults definitively qualify as creepy.
- Enfant Terrible: Like in the source material, his goal is to overthrow and kill the adults.
Winifred
The lead witch from the Hocus Pocus review.
- Even Evil Has Standards: She's trying to brainwash everyone into thinking her movie's a classic, and even she's disturbed by how easy it is (though not for the reasons she wants).
- Evil Redhead: Has a big red frizzy afro, that got caught in Doug's nails during the bloopers and the girls had to untangle him.
- Femme Fatalons: She has long white nails. In behind the scenes, Doug was happy with all other aspects of the drag, but struggled with suddenly having long nails.
- Kubrick Stare: It's somehow more threatening with a red wig, lipstick and a ton of eyeliner.
- Large Ham: It's Doug in drag playing Bette Midler, this was a given.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: "It's the niiiiine-ties, so we're a little less PC!"
- Proud Beauty: In behind the scenes, Doug in costume (and voice) was delighted at anyone calling him pretty, and jokingly demanded more compliments.
Uncle Lies
- Abusive Parents: Has shown no shred of humanity or decency to his children.
- Back from the Dead: Doug couldn't do Ask That Guy anymore, but was kind enough to canonize in behind the scenes that Uncle Lies was Ask That Guy returned.
- Bad Liar: Ironically to his name, as he contradicts himself immediately after telling Bum Jr. they didn't abandon her, which Doe points out.
- Berserk Button: Like most abusive parents, losing control, whether it's screaming at his daughter for preferring her own doll, or collapsing in the Amadeus editorial when Critic (who he's dismissed as a dumb millenial) proves him wrong.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: He's introduced wanting to give his daughter (who loves Dora The Explorer) a new Barbie, but then shows he's not so nice by instantly getting upset when she'd rather keep her own doll.
- Catharsis Factor: In-universe. Critic writes the sketches with him based on his own Abusive Parents, and lampshades the first time that he's in a dark place while writing it.
- Control Freak: In Jurassic Park III, he gets screamy and violent just because his daughter would rather play with her own doll instead of the new one he got her.
- Dirty Coward: When he realizes that his daughter is so frozen that she's unconscious, he oh craps and runs away.
- Early-Bird Cameo: If he existed in the AI review, he'd be more than likely be the one scorning therapy and bashing his son's Furby instead of Doug.
- Establishing Character Moment: Getting angry and violent with his daughter when she'd rather a Dora doll than the Barbie he got her.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: He and Aunt Despair are a match made in hell, and they love each other in spite of hating their children.
- Even Evil Has Standards: He usually loves his wife being Evil Is Petty, and has no qualms abandoning their daughter, but he lightly calls her out for taking ages to do it.
- In the Home Alone 2: Lost in New York review, he and Aunt Despair admit that homeless people deserve proper care after all the struggles they've faced.
- Evil Uncle: According to Doug, his name is “Uncle Lies”, which means poor nieces/nephews gets traumatized as well as his own kids.
- Gaslighting: He tells Bum Jr. they would have remembered if they abandoned her, but it's made clear he's lying after he threatens to do the same to Cliff.
- Jerkass: Like his wife, his goal seems to be horrible to his kids and try to humiliate Critic as much as possible.
- Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Ask That Guy's trait comes out in the Amadeus editorial, crapping on the film for "historical inaccuracies" and Critic for loving it.Lies: Instead of getting your information from movies, why don't you try knowing everything, like I do.
- Light Is Not Good: He wears a white sweater. Among his family, he's the worst.
- Limited Wardrobe: He mostly wears a light yellow jumper, though he has a flannel shirt in the Amadeus editorial and a brown sweater when he's introduced.
- Names to Run Away from Really Fast: In the behind the scenes of Cats And Dogs, Doug names him “Uncle Lies”.
- Offing the Offspring: He's at least willing to threaten it, telling his kids they need to be in bed by 11 or he'll eat their hearts.
- Oral Fixation: His owning of Ask That Guy's pipe is what made fans clamor for the character to be Ask That Guy returned from the dead.
- Pet the Dog: It doesn't last long, but in "Rise Of The Commercials", at least he's worried about his frozen solid daughter and makes her favorite soup.
- He and his family are accepting of Critic's day-long rant in defense of Christmas Crunch and assure Critic he's still good in spite of it.
- Politically Correct Villain: He, along with Aunt Despair, think the homeless deserve to be treated as equals.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: On the other hand, "Conquest Of The Commercials" implies he's an MRA on top of everything awful he does, as he lets his son play with the meninist car from Mad Max: Fury Road.
- Psycho Psychologist: Word Of Twitter has his job as a therapist, and his manner is akin to Dr Hill in Until Dawn. Tamara also approved that he was Hyper's therapist, and spent more time with Aunt Despair than helping the girl. The canonity of this has yet to be seen, though, being mostly based on the semi-canon Let's Play Awesome series.
- Smug Snake: Like his wife, always has a patronizing smirk on his face when he's making Critic's life miserable.
- Suspiciously Similar Substitute: He has Ask That Guy's pipe and Fascinating Eyebrow, but different clothes and Ask That Guy wouldn't even try to put on a happy face. Justified as Critic writes those sketches himself, and the two are related. Doug mentioned it in the Labyrinth behind the scenes, that everyone has caught onto the fact that he's basically just doing a slightly tweaked Ask That Guy, and might do a story where it's revealed the character really is Ask That Guy back from the dead.
- Standard '50s Father: The Darker and Edgier version. Doug wears a ridiculously middle-class jumper, has glasses perched on his nose, and is obliviously abusive to his daughter Tamara. Critic's lampshading after the first episode add another layer to it; he writes these sketches when he's in a dark place about his own abusive mother recently dying.
- Upper-Class Twit: He faints at Critic's notion that he could be uninformed about Mozart. Also Critic in "Battle Of The Commercials uses the light yellow sweater to portray people who would eat at a high class'' McDonald's.
- Vague Age: At the very least older than Critic, who he dismisses as a dumb Tinder-loving millenial in the Amadeus editorial.
- Vocal Evolution: He started out having a deeper voice before he just turned into the same style of speaking that Ask That Guy had.
Fandumb of the Opera
- Hollywood Tone-Deaf: Doug pulls out a bizarrely accented hissing singing voice for him and saves his best singing for Critic's verse in "Angel Of Stupid".
- Manipulative Bastard: In the Shark Jumping Fuller House video, he pretends to be Critic angry about Beth doing the show so he can get her in the studio and kidnap her.
- Spear Counterpart: To Hyper in the review, as they're both personifications of bad fandom behavior, and stalking their victim (Beth for him, Critic for her) trying to invoke Abduction Is Love.
- Stalker with a Crush: To Beth, complete with Loving a Shadow as he wants her to be more like himself.
General Thade
The eponymous Big Bad of Planet of the Apes (2001), now trying to become the next president of the United States.
- Freudian Excuse: A throwaway line reveals that his father ate his children, giving an idea about what his home life probably was.
- Obviously Evil: In spite of his insistance that he's a trust-worthy guy in his clip, he's pretty upfront about his desire to enslave the human race should he win.Thade: "It's clear the "Republi-Crats" are trying to take away your freedoms. Your freedoms to submit to me!"
Chaplin and Buster
Doug/Critic's cats- Chaplin adopted in 2018, Buster adopted in 2020- who occasionally make appearances in reviews or ad breaks with Doug providing them voices.
- Ambiguously Related: It's lampshaded a few times that the cats don't really know how they're related to each other, with Buster calling Chaplin "uncle, father, or brother".
- Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Buster keeps walking away from Chaplin's lessons in The Lion King (2019) because he wants to play with cat toys. These short attention spans are enforced to justify them constantly walking away from Doug's camera to look at something else.
- Big Brother Mentor: Chaplin takes this role by teaching Buster how to be the series cash cow.
- Boke and Tsukkomi Routine: Flighty, ditzy Chaplin is the boke and grumbly, snarky Lloyd is the tsukkomi.
- Cats Are Lazy: He and the other cats in the That Darn Cat! (1997) review stop looking for Tuffy the Tiger to take their 96th nap of the day, he doesn't move when Critic claps and calls for him to play (a la the Petster commercial), and he and Buster sleep for five hours straight at the beginning of the review of The Lion King (2019).
- Character Catchphrase: "I'm Chaplin!"
- Cloudcuckoolander: Both have their moments, like when Buster thinks sleeping upside down will help him dream upside down, and Chaplin thinks sleeping on top of a mirror will help him dream backwards. However, Buster is a bit more strange since he's the younger one.Buster: I can't wait until I'm a full-grown dog!Chaplin: ...What?
- Cute Kitten: There's a lot of gratuitous shots of the cats just playing with their toys, cuddling each other, looking into the camera, etc. Chaplin has to remind Buster to stop being cute when he's supposed to be learning how to be a cash cow (believing that cuteness has nothing to do with why cats are so popular on the Internet).
- The Ditz: Most of Chaplin's dialogue consists of stating the obvious, and Buster is easily distracted and sometimes doesn't seem to know what species he is.
- Easily Impressed: Chaplin gets excited about things like the wall and boxes.
- Morality Pet: For Critic, at least in "Curse of the Commercials". Critic brushes it off when Wilkins kills Malcolm and Tamara, but when he suspects that it might hurt Chaplin and Buster, he flips out and angrily demands that it let his cats go.
- Ship Tease: Romantic music plays behind Chaplin and Tamara's cat Wendy in her cameo of the That Darn Cat review, since both of them are portrayed as The Ditz.
- Telepathy: Buster claims to get a psychic message about Stamps.com in his first appearance, but he's really just making it up.
- Vocal Evolution: As a kitten, Doug voiced Buster with a high-pitched falsetto. As a grown cat, he's voiced by Tamara doing a gruffer voice.
