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The Boys

In general

The Boys

"Yous are the best fucken cunts, you know that? Fucken saving me, and... Yous even dressed me in my OG Big Lez clothes! I don't even know where you fucken got these from!"

Our, *ahem*, "heroes". A group of mismatched weirdos living together in an Australian coastal town who all become True Companions over the course of many skitz adventures.

Anti-Hero: Clarence and Quintin exempted, none of them are 100% good people, but their redeeming qualities shine through whenever they help each other out, and they're ultimately fighting to save the world from the Choomahs.
Cast Herd: The sasquatches are a sub-group within the wider friend circle, with Scruffy, Wayno and Owly showing a tendency to hang out with their own kind more than any of the human(oid)s.
Chromosome Casting: They're called "the Boys" for a reason. Mostly because of the show's shoestring budget forcing Acting for Two, there are no major female characters at all.
Country Matters: A regular part of their vocabularies. Justified, since "cunt" isn't quite as offensive in Australia compared to the rest of the world.
The Dreaded: By the end of the series, most of King Laranox's forces have become scared shitless of Browntown because they know these sick cunts live there.
Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: You wouldn't expect a fat abrasive Human Alien prince in exile, his adopted human son, a manly cash-in-hand worker, four drug-abusing sasquatches, an angry talking owl, a trigger-happy Scottish fisherman, a big game hunter, and an invincible potato-headed postman to be the best of friends, but life is unpredictable like that.
Sir Swears-a-Lot: Fuckin' oath. The show's original intro has Lez burst through the logo screen and say "what the fuck?", which should give an early indication of how polite the protagonists are.
The Stoner: Except for straight-edge Clarence, they all love the Devil's Lettuce (hell, even the Devil does). The sasquatches take it a bit further by consuming any and all drugs, including Class-A shit and even battery acid, as naturally as food or oxygen.
True Companions: A central theme of the show is the unbreakable comradery of the main characters, reflective of Australian mateship. ^note Big Lez is floored by how far his mates are willing to go to help him in times of crisis.

Big Lez

Lezly "Lez" Mackerel

"What the fuck?"

The protagonist. An aggressive, bad-tempered, bitter old man living in Brown Town, Australia. It is revealed towards the end of season one that he is an alien from Kingdom Cum and has been building a spaceship to return to the planet from which he was banished to confront his father.

Voiced by: Jarrad Wright

Abusive Parents: To Quentin.
Alternate Self: Sassy the Sasquatch introduces Jez, Lez's alternate universe counterpart who retains all of Lez's memories after an incident at the local golf competition. Unlike Lez, Jez is entirely human and wears a grey vest, but otherwise acts exactly the same as his Kingdom Cumian self.
Arch-Enemy: to Norton Sparkles.
Arch Nemesis Dad: A major plot point is his mission to confront his father, until he learns that his home planet has been destroyed.
Ax-Crazy: When he finally gets the chance to fight King Laranox one-on-one, Lez goes absolutely ballistic and brutalises Laranox like a screaming savage.
- Lez seems to grow increasingly unhinged as the series progresses while he stews his hatred for his brother and father; his disturbingly graphic descriptions of what he would do to Norton tend to make people wary of him.
Berserk Button: He has three: Norton, kids and bubbleheads.
Breaking the Fourth Wall: Zig-Zagged. Lez used to semi-frequently break the fourth wall like most characters in the series, but in "Choomah Island 2", the revelation that he is actually a fictional character in a Microsoft Paint cartoon shocks and disturbs him, deconstructing the trope somewhat. He justifies his past instances of breaking the fourth wall as him playing along with his friends' jokes, so it makes sense that seeing his reality crumble around him firsthand would have this effect.
Broken Aesop: A version of Sassy that Lez meets within his own subconscious attempts to teach Lez that his desire to kill Norton is wrong, and that karma will bite him if he does a bad thing like that. Lez, in his stubborn refusal to let go of his hatred for Norton, just takes it as a message that he can escape karmic punishment if he engineers a situation in which he kills Norton in self-defence.
The Bully: Alongside Donny, Lez gives Clarence the most shit.
Cain and Abel: His rivalry with Norton. The question of who's Cain and who's Abel is finally answered when Lez kills Norton.
Catchphrase: "What the fuck", "Fuck off Quintin", "Mmmmmmm!"
Deadpan Snarker: He usually has some dry or blunt comment for any zany situation.
Death Glare: Usually directed at either Norton, Clarence or his father. Usually accompanied by audible nasal breathing.
Earn Your Happy Ending: The finale of Sassy shows that Lez was effectively reincarnated into an alternate universe which functions as his ideal version of heaven after his Heroic Sacrifice. There, he lived most of his life as a normal human named Jeremy alongside Quintin (who's blonde in this universe, for some reason), until a stray golf ball knocked him out and awakened his parallel memories as Big Lez. In this idealised timeline, Jez/Lez's father is not a mass-murdering tyrant but a supportive presence in his life, he's a respected member of the community, and he even has a woman in his life. Last but not least, Norton doesn't exist at all.
Embarrassing First Name: He doesn’t seem to think so: “Leslie is a sick-cunt name”.
Even Evil Has Loved Ones: It's subtle, but although Lez seems to care very little for Quintin he does not like the idea of him moving in with Norton and not continuing the Mackerel name. By the fourth season however, his love for Quintin has truly grown and his disappearance is enough to make him go into full Papa Wolf mode and start the main arc of the season.
Even Evil Has Standards: Played for Laughs. While in the middle of another rant about how much he hates Norton, Donny mentions how Lez’s vitriol could be construed as homophobia against Norton. Lez quickly backpeddles, making it clear he doesn’t care about Norton’s sexuality... only to immediately go back to calling him a gay cunt^note. He was also horrified to learn that Sassy had been giving one of his "cocktails" to unsuspecting humans while bartending and tore into him for endangering people's lives with something that he fully acknowledged was capable of killing them.
Fascinating Eyebrow: Both of Lez's eyebrows are permanently curled upward, making him always look slightly pissed off.
Fat Bastard: Lez is fat, lazy and petty.
A Fool and His New Money Are Soon Parted: He miraculously wins $100,000,000 from an arcade slot machine. His primary intention for it is quite practical, as he uses it to build a spaceship to go back to Kingdom Cum. However, with the millions of dollars left over, rather than use it for anything sensible, he instead builds Glenworld, a quarter-acre sized scale model city in his basement that he uses as a habitat for his Glendoll collection.
Four Eyes, Zero Soul: Or close to zero soul.
Four-Temperament Ensemble: The Choleric.
Gag Penis: Judging from his blink-and-you'll-miss-it flash to Taipan Pete after slashing out an insanely long piss, there's another reason he's called "Big" Lez.
The Hedonist: Lez repeatedly claims that all he really wants in life is to relax in his twilight years, but the constant weird shenanigans that befall Browntown (and Norton's very existence) always get in the way. Indeed, whenever there isn't some Choomah threat to deal with, Lez is quite content to do nothing but sit on his lawn and smoke pot all day. He eventually gets everything he wants after his death and reincarnation.
Heroic Build: He gains a large amount of muscle mass between Seasons 3 and 4, becoming even more swole than Mike Nolan (though he's still fat enough to keep the name Big Lez). After Nolan lampshades it, Lez breaks the fourth wall with his explanation that he's been training up for the new season, and it doesn't go to waste as Season 4 turned out to be more action-packed than any other.
Heroic Sacrifice: Played With. Lez sacrifices his life by nuking Laranox's floating island fortress with himself still on it and is lauded as a hero by his friends afterwards, but none of them know that the true reason he did it: he knew his selfish and destructive nature would get the better of him if he lived to become king, and for that reason he knew he had to die. He reiterates the point to Sassy that his death was not just about him saving the planet, but sparing it.
Human Aliens: Lez is a Kingdom Cumian, an alien species indistinguishable from a human externally but much, much more durable than any human would ever dream of being. There are only several known left alive by the start of the series, Lez's family comprising the majority of which.
Hypocritical Humor: He denies the existence of Bigfoot despite being best friends with a group of sasquatches.
Jerkass Has a Point: While he may be going overboard in his abuse, he's one hundred percent correct that the entire Choomah mess is Clarence's fault, and that their entire group is risking their lives to fix HIS fuck up.
Jerk with a Heart of Gold: It's buried deep down, but Lez has some good in him. Despite usually being a horrible person and hedonistic as all shit, he's determined to save the world from the Choomahs and slowly grows kinder towards Quintin, culminating in wasting no time to save his adopted son when he is kidnapped.
Jerkass Woobie: On the rare occasion that Lez inspires any sympathy, it will usually be due to all the terrible things that happen to him.
Kick the Dog: After Norton’s death, Clarence has taken his place as Lez’s main target for abuse even though Clarence has directly or indirectly saved Lez’s life numerous times. When Lez tries to infiltrate a cop-infested Browntown, he shoots Clarence for no reason and then blows up his house with Norton’s UFO, knowingly staring at a crippled Clarence as he does it.
Killed Off for Real: Lez dies in the finale of the series, "Choomah Island 3: Denouement".
Made of Iron: Lez has gone through a number of horrendous injuries that would kill most people or more accurately, most humans with minimal long-lasting effects.
Noodle Incident: Norton refers on more than one occasion to the innocent puppies Lez killed. It is strongly implied that he is lying, but knowing Lez's violent nature, there is a chance that the incident was real.
Other Me Annoys Me: He eventually admits that one of the main reasons he hates Norton is that he sees him as a "splinter" in his life. In Lez's own words, Norton represents everything Lez would be if he made the wrong choices in life. In reality, Norton isn't so different from Lez in any meaningful way, which is perhaps the real reason for their rivalry.
Parental Neglect: He was going to do this to Quintin until he realised that taking in an orphaned baby had financial advantages.
Pet the Dog: Eventually ends up getting Quintin an Xbox after all the shit he puts him through...except for any games, of course. As the series progresses, Lez starts treating him better and wastes no time setting off to rescue him. He also gives exactly one half-hearted compliment to Clarence, albeit behind his back.
Prince Incognito: He and Norton are the exiled princes of Kingdom Cum.
Psychopathic Manchild: Lez is prone to murdering people, enjoys inflicting grievous violence like a kid playing with toys, routinely gets into petty fights with his neighbor and brother that involve structural and scatalogical vandalism... and he has a massive mechanical playset situated in his basement.
Really 700 Years Old: As revealed on his memorial statue in Mike Nolan's Long Weekend, Lez was born in 1599 and died in 2019, appropriately making him 420 years old.
Real Men Wear Pink: Wears a bright pink shirt and baby-blue shorts but still projects an "angry neighbourhood dad" image.
Royals Who Actually Do Something: Although considering his Lower-Class Lout attitude, you certainly wouldn't expect him to be a prince.
Sanity Slippage: Lez has always been violent and abrasive, but he gradually becomes more unhinged over the course of the series, prone to flying into homicidal rages and handing out gratuitous death threats constantly.
Shout-Out: His mysterious transformation at the end of "Choomah Island 3" is a clear homage to the Super Saiyan transformation from Dragon Ball.
- His overall storyline as a disgraced prince from a destroyed alien world living on Earth bears some similarities to Vegeta, also from Dragon Ball. In addition, the style of armour he and Norton wear in the flashback to their first arrival on Earth is intentionally modelled on Saiyan Battle Armour worn by Vegeta, Raditz and Nappa.
Sir Swears-a-Lot: He fucken swears a whole fucken lot, cunt.
Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: To Norton, his brother and co-crown prince of Kingdom Cum.
Skewed Priorities: Laranox kidnaps Quintin, which pisses Lez off pretty badly, but that doesn't compare to the unforgivable crime of stealing Lez's entire Glendoll collection (including the massive Glenworld basement installation).
So Proud of You: After Quintin gets stoned with the sasquatches, he finally admits that he's on the path of becoming a true Mackerel.
Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Would be the villain of any other show.
Villain Protagonist: Lez is pretty much no better than Norton and he knows it, but he at least cares about his friends and disagrees with all of Norton’s nefarious scheming.

Sassy

Sassy the Sasquatch

"What you talkin' a-beet, you fuckin' druggo?"

Lez's neighbor and closest friend. He is constantly stoned on countless different drugs, and has a laid-back, friendly personality. He is often the cause of conflicts due to the messes he gets Lez into, usually due to tricking him or other characters into consuming drugs with near-fatal or even fatal side effects. He is the leader of a group of Sasquatches who frequent the Volcano Bong on the outskirts of Brown Town.

Voiced by: Jarrad Wright

A Dog Named "Dog": You can call him Mr. Sasquatch.
Audience Surrogate: His process of constantly erasing his memory, travelling back to the beginning of the story and reliving it from scratch reflects how dedicated fans do the same in real life.
Been There, Shaped History: Turns out he's the reason why there's a UFO in the background of the Renaissance painting, The Madonna and Saint Giovannino.
Beyond the Impossible: His ability to acquire drugs wherever he goes (even a desert island!), to consume large amounts of them and to know everyone in the world while being utterly vague all the time.
- Sassy has powers that even other sasquatches find bizarre. Donny often finds himself bewildered by Sassy's "magic", most of all when Sassy somehow spontaneously imbued Donny with his entire future personality after touching his shoulder when they first met millions of years ago.
Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: While he's usually too stoned to be outwardly malicious to anyone, including Clarence whom he sincerely treats as a friend, it's hard to ignore that Sassy is a constant danger to his friends. He and Lez briefly had a serious falling out because Lez saw a photo of Sassy hanging out with Norton and Cecil.
Breaking the Fourth Wall: Constantly. His knowledge of the fact that he's in a cartoon becomes a critical plot point in "Choomah Island 2".
Breakout Character: He is by far the show's most popular, quotable character.
- To the surprise of nobody, he eventually got his own spin-off series, Sassy the Sasquatch.
Catchphrase: He has three: "Whatdyatalkinabeet", "You fuckin' druggo" and "What's going on, mate?"
- He also has a childish giggle, "Hee-hee".
Characterisation Marches On: In later seasons, he's no longer as ditzy, forgetful and reckless as he used to be. In fact, he's shown to have some insightful wisdom and moral character beneath his comedic exterior. Case in point, Sassy judges Lez for killing Norton despite the fact that Sassy has knowingly killed many humans with his lethal Gargle Blasters. He also doesn't say his catchphrases nearly as often.
Cloud Cuckoo Lander: He is constantly stoned, which causes him to register very little of what people are saying and often forget where he is or what he is doing.
Cold Turkeys Are Everywhere: He is literally unable to go even a few minutes without drugs.
Confusion Fu: He's not much of a fighter despite his size, but he tends to unwittingly cause the most damage during frays with his comedic attacks. During their first city rampage, he kills a large number of Choomahs by feeding them trippa-snippas, and later blows a load of them up on Choomah Island with his "Sas-Mate" cooker.
The Constant: In every timeline throughout the multiverse, every appearance from Sassy is always the same Sassy, even in the joke timeline where the whole thing is a Show Within a Show directed by Clarence.
Extreme Omnivore: Beyond taking them for recreation, he and the other sasquatches eat drugs like food.
Four-Temperament Ensemble: The Phlegmatic.
Friend to All Living Things: He treats everyone he meets with equal respect. Animals, aliens, mermaids, government spooks, mysterious lights in the sky, they all get the same greeting: "S'goin' on mate, my name's Sassy the Sasquatch". Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to be as friendly to him.
Funny Animal: He looks a typical Bigfoot-type Sasquatch. He's also a transdimensional druggo.
Gargle Blaster: His trippa-snippa, one of the many strange foods he has cooked up and filled with an enormous amount of drugs (and petrol) for his business, "Sassy Foods".
Gentle Giant: He was cavalier about giving humans lethal drug combos earlier in the series, but when left to his own devices, Sassy is the chillest, friendliest sasquatch you could ever hope to meet in the woods.
Hidden Depths: He knows everyone, as this is a sasquatch ability. He is even shown to be texting Obama at one point, and he’s also familiar with Taipan Pete. He and the other sasquatches also seem to be able to predict the future and casually travel between dimensions.
- His spin-off series reveals that, deep down, Sassy just wants to have friends. Until he met Donny, nobody he met would put up with him for long. This might be why he's kinder to Clarence than anyone else.
Hypocritical Humor: He calls everyone else "druggos" when he in fact takes more drugs than all of them put together, which Scruffy angrily points out after being made fun of one too many times (which only makes Sassy and the others make fun of him even more).
Scruffy: Whoa, fukken - you know what, I'm sick and tired of you always callin' everyone druggos when you're the biggest druggos ever born.
Sassy: You're off yer chops Scruffy, you fukken druggo.
Wayno: Yeah, calm down, Scruffy, you're trippin'.
Scruffy: Fuck you.
Owly: Yeah, he's off on the bath salts, eh?
I'm Your Biggest Fan: He's a huge fan of The Beatles, especially George Harrison and John Lennon. He finally gets to meet John during a drug trip in the final episode.
Insistent Terminology: He insists that popcorn is pronounced "Popcoin", that the gold guy in Star Wars is R2-D2 and that the little pieces in chess are called "Prawns".
Intangibility: One of his many "cartoon physics" powers. Bullets can harmlessly fly right through him.
Jerkass: He is a much friendlier and pleasanter character than Lez, but he often joins in the mockery of Clarence and tricks people into buying drugs which will almost certainly kill them. This trait mostly fades away as the series goes on.
Malaproper: A running gag. See Insistent Terminology.
Mind Screw: He tends to induce these in Lez with his wraps and cocktails, much to Lez's discomfort.
- As it turns out, his entire existence is this. The Sassy we know is merely a tiny splinter of the original Sassy, a much larger cosmic entity from beyond the multiverse who wanted to experience everything that the lower realm had to offer. Eventually, our Sassy is destined to merge with his primordial self and transfer all the memories he's experienced, before moving onto another mega-ultra-multiverse to explore. And the big Sassy may only be fragment of an even larger entity, implied in the last zoom-out sequence showing the infinitely sprawling layers of reality.
Mondegreen: In-Universe. In Sassy the Sasquatch, an Area 51 scientist mishears Sassy's iconic "whadaytalkinabeet" (what are you talking about) catchphrase as "where are you talking to me", to the ire of the technicians and Sassy himself. Many real life fans have made the same mistake, so it's an Ascended Meme. It all comes full circle when Sassy turns "where are you talking to me" into a mocking Bond One-Liner while escaping the military.
Moving Beyond Bereavement: His arc in Sassy the Sasquatch culminates in him overcoming his depression after Big Lez's death. After wiping his own memory and reliving the story from scratch countless times, he finally breaks the cycle by choosing not to take the amnesia jellybean, implying that he'll finally move past his grief and return to his original astral form.
Mushroom Samba: Sassy often sees a vision of a blue caterpillar offering him apple juice and macaroni cheese.
My Greatest Failure: The finale of his spin-off reveals that Sassy feels incredibly guilty for not saving Big Lez, so much so that he constantly erases his own memory in order to time-travel back to the beginning of the story and relive it from scratch, right up until the end of Mike Nolan's Long Weekend. He eventually gets some closure when he visits an alternate universe where Lez achieved the happily-ever-after he always wanted.
Offscreen Teleportation: He teleports between shots in Long Weekend to catch a football he threw to himself, freaking Donny and the others out.
O.O.C. Is Serious Business: The brief moments where Sassy drops his usual forgetful stoner mannerisms tend to be extremely sobering, such as during Choomah Island 2 when he sternly tells Lez that there will be no going back once he "opens that door", complete with a Gross-Up Close-Up, and again when he criticises Lez for needlessly killing Norton.
- Perhaps the most subtle yet important example occurs at the very end of his spin-off series. In every previous cycle, Sassy impulsively takes a magic jellybean that erases all memories simply to get a buzz and relive the series all over again. In the very last scene, however, he ultimately hesitates to take it, implying that he finally feels ready to move on after Lez's death. Considering that Sassy never once turned down drugs in the entire series, this was a major turning point for him.
The Omniscient: Sassy perceives time and space differently to everyone else, so he knows people before they've ever met him. He can see into the past, present, future and even other dimensions. As he explains to the US military, he sees and hears everything, all the time.
Really 700 Years Old: He and the other sasquatches are immortal.
Reclaimed by Nature: While we never see the inside of his house, it looks like a ramshackle cabin with a messy, overgrown lawn and random shit strewn about the place.
Refugee from TV Land: He visits the real world at the end of "Choomah Island 3" after a particularly insane drug trip.
Riddle for the Ages: Just what the hell is Sassy and where did he come from? Why does he have all these crazy powers? Apparently, nobody is ready for that information.
Seer: He can see into the past, present, future and anything in between.
The Stoner: The definite article. The Biggest Druggo of All Time. He can literally never OD.
Time Abyss: He has been dropped onto prehistoric Earth by aliens, making it unclear how old he is, but he’s been around long enough to see dinosaurs and claims to have been alive for at least 500 million years before that. Donny wasn't exaggerating when he said Sassy was pretty fucken old.
Toon Physics: It seems to be the source of all his weird powers. Justified, as he knows that he's in a MS Paint cartoon.
Trapped by Mountain Lions: He and Donny spend most of the series finale stuck in an especially nutty drug trip, encountering John Lennon and renowned psychedelic researcher Terrence McKenna. Things get pretty serious when it turns out that they were stuck in LSD limbo for an entire year, making everyone in town think they were dead or missing.
True Companions: To both Donny and Lez. Donny was Sassy's first ever friend and they have been inseparable kindred spirits ever since. However, Sassy also has a special friendship with Lez. While he always knew it was coming thanks to time travel shenanigans, Sassy was so distraught over Lez's eventual death that he secretly erased his own memory and relived the story of the show countless times just to spend more time with him.
Verbal Tic: Regularly sniffles before speaking, especially when asked a question.
Walking the Earth: What his spin-off series is essentially about. There are many long scenes of Sassy wandering around, taking in the beauty of nature and showing appreciation for every lifeform he comes across, no matter how big or small.
With Friends Like These...: He is the only person who seems to treat Clarence like a friend, but he is sometimes thoughtlessly cruel to him along with the other characters. He also gets Lez into life-threatening situations often with his vagueness and laid-back attitude to drugs, visits to dangerous islands and other escapades.
You Are Better Than You Think You Are: He gives this speech to a caterpillar of all things^note, telling it that it's amazing and important even though it's tiny and insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe. In Sassy's philosophy, there's no such thing as a "small" being.

Mike Nolan

"Fuck me sideways, he fucking got right in there didn't he?"

Also known as "Noelsie", he is an engineer friend of Lez who went missing for some time on Choomah Island, but later aided in the battles that followed. Mike is also the star of the prequel, The Mike Nolan Show.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

The Ace: He's good at basically everything he sets his mind to.
Ascended Extra: Originally a minor character, Mike Nolan's popularity quickly got him promoted to being one of Lez's True Companions.
Ax-Crazy: He gets out of an RBT inspection by basically bullying the cop into submission. That's a fairly tame example of how skitz Noelsie can be.
Badass Normal: Despite being only human, he seems to be just as dangerous as any Kingdom Cumian. He even has the privilege of being the only human member of the Secret Sasquatch Society because he’s just that skitz.
Berserk Button: Cops. So much so that he has a "FUCK COPS" tattoo across his chest.
Blood Knight: Nolan is always up for a fight, especially if it's against police or Choomahs.
Bruiser with a Soft Centre: Nolan is a stone-cold killing machine but he deeply loves his friends, especially Lez. We see in Mike Nolan's Long Weekend that after Lez's death, he regularly goes to plant stingin' rogers on Lez's memorial statue and chats to it. He also acts as a genuinely supportive father figure to the now twice-orphaned Quintin.
Breakout Character: Went on to star of his own spin-off series.
Catchphrase: "I'll tell you that much", "Yeah, nah, mate".
Cool Shades: After Season 2, black sunglasses became his signature look.
Covert Pervert: Around town, he is infamous for often taking flights to Thailand for rip-starts from the local prostitutes. You really don't want to know what that entails...^note
Crazy Survivalist: After crash-landing on Choomah Island, he survived alone in the wilderness for weeks. Killing Choomahs is now practically reflexive for him.
A Day in the Limelight: He has his own episode devoted to his campaign video in "Yeah, Nah, Mate", which later got expanded into a whole spin-off series.
Hidden Depths: Crass and inarticulate as he is, Nolan does have an advanced understanding of spiritualist philosophies thanks to his years of hard drug use and interactions with the sasquatches. On top of having a rudimentary grasp of solipsism (the philosophy that the only known reality is one's own mind; all other beings may only be imaginary extensions of the self), he figures out that he's a fictional character long before Lez does.
- Mike Nolan's Long Weekend reveals that he's more than a little insecure about projecting a masculine image. For instance, he always wears his trademark high-viz shirt everywhere because he fears people would judge him as some effete office worker if he didn't.
Hypocritical Humour: One of his main grievances against the Australian police is their use of guns, yet Nolan is probably the biggest gun-nut of all the main cast.
Jack of All Trades: He is an engineer, but also has political aspirations, works in postage and as a construction driver, is good at deadpan stand-up comedy, is a skilled gambler, bricklayer, bus-stop builder, lollipop man^notetraffic flagger, roadside construction, maintenance at theme parks, council worker and can kill things.
- Crazy Steve notes that Nolan isn't as hard a worker as he makes himself out to be... mainly because he's always on drugs.
Smoking Is Cool: He constantly smokes to re-enforce his tough guy status, and refuses to exhale for fear of missing out on some of the smoke.
So Much for Stealth: While the rest of the gang try their best to stay quiet as a large Choomah herd appears outside their tents, Nolan predictably yells "fuck it" and unloads a clip on the nearest Choomah.
Tattooed Crook: Proudly wears a giant tattoo that reads "FUCK COPS" across his chest and he regularly transports Class-A narcotics across the Pacific. Not to mention that his "career" as a cash-in-hand tradie is technically illegal in most places to begin with.^note
Tempting Fate: A flashback set before the first "Choomah Island" special sees him joking to Donny about taking a flight to Thailand for a "rip-start". Donny comments that he hopes Noelsie doesn’t crash-land and find himself stranded on some fuckin’ weird island, and they both laugh it off... Yeah, about that...
Verbal Tic: "Yeah, nah, yeah, nah".
Walking Shirtless Scene: He often goes shirtless for big fights, mainly to show off his chest tattoo.

Clarence

Clarence Claymore/Dr. C

"Oh, hoovin' schmovin!"

A potato-headed postman, he is hated by all of the other characters, but nonetheless perceives them as his friends. He speaks in a slow, breathless voice and is usually met with a "Fuck off, Clarence" from Lez. In the third season it is revealed that he was an alien scientist who accidentally transformed himself and created the Choomahs in the process through a failed experiment.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Accent On The Wrong Syllable: Constantly. He can barely go a sentence without pronouncing something weirdly.
Ascended Extra: Started out as Lez's unlucky mailman, but turned out to be one of the most integral characters.
Butt-Monkey: Listing every unfortunate thing that happens to Clarence would take a millennia.
Cassandra Truth: He knows more about the Choomah outbreak than anyone else and holds the secret to their existence, but nobody will listen to him.
Catchphrase: "Awwww no", "Oh lord please help me no", "Friendssss!", "Hoovin' Schmovin!"
Cerebus Syndrome: How he gradually becomes more and more of a tragic character.
Cosmic Plaything: The universe has been brutally abusing Clarence for centuries.
A Day in the Limelight: There is an extra-long episode in Season Three completely devoted to his life story. Which is impressive for an ascended extra. Not only that, it's the only episode so far where the other characters show the slightest bit of compassion to him (Lez and Donny refer to him as a nice guy).
Doom Magnet: The creators of the show literally describe Clarence as being a magnet for misbegotten hatred; whenever something bad happens in the universe and no one is there to take the blame, that hatred floats away and instead gets forced onto Clarence. Poor guy.
Extreme Doormat: While his Butt-Monkey status makes him sympathetic, the fact that he never stands up for himself often makes him more pathetic than anything. Clarence eventually reaches his Rage Breaking Point at the very end of the show and stands up to Donny, thereby earning his respect at last.
Foreshadowing: There is a reason why he is able to calm the Choomahs in the second season finale.
Four-Temperament Ensemble: The Melancholic.
The Friend Nobody Likes: He frequently joins the Boys on their skitz adventures, but he's never accepted as a friend, just a target for bullying and banter. This changes after Lez's death as we see in "Mike Nolan's Long Weekend" that the Boys have finally welcomed him into the group and are much kinder to him.
Healing Factor: Has an insanely effective one that allows him to survive complete disintegration and reform within seconds. However, he still feels pain... in fact, he feels the initial pain of every injury he sustains constantly.
Heroic Sacrifice: In "Choomah Island 2", he takes to the core of the titular island when it is revealed to be a kaiju-esque choomah and sets off a bomb to kill it. For some unexplained reason, Lez finds him regrowing in his yard and unearths him several episodes later.
Hidden Depths: He is easily the most intelligent character, a thing for which he receives no acknowledgement, and the accidental creator of the choomahs.
Human Alien: Just like Lez and Norton, he was an upper-class native of Kingdom Cum banished to Earth.
I Just Want to Have Friends: So badly that it's his catchphrase.
Immortality Hurts: Because of his "condition", he's doomed to suffer for eternity.
Last of His Kind: with the deaths of Lez, Norton, Larrinox and (possibly) Warning Guy, he is the last known surviving Kingdom Cummian.
Made of Iron: The abuse and injuries he suffers are horrendous even by the show's standards, and he somehow manages to recover every time. Even nuking himself won't take him down for good.
Nice Guy: He is quite literally the only character to be entirely good and routinely nice to everybody else, and will sacrifice his money and even his life if necessary to save the world or to “feed the orphans”/“save the orangutans”. Of course, no one is willing to acknowledge it except for fellow Butt-Monkey Scruffy.
No-Respect Guy: Nobody likes Clarence, regardless of what good he does for others.
- Although when Clarence finally lashes back out against Donny after years of abuse in the series finale, Donny admits Clarence has earned his respect.
Noodle Incident: We never find out how he survived after Lez and his friends left him to die at the hands of the Choomahs, quite simply because Lez wasn't interested. It was an early hint towards him being immortal.
Phrase Catcher: "For Fucks sake, Clarence." often said by Donny
Planimal: Clarence has weird, dull olive skin and a head shaped like a potato that earns him a lot of mockery, and has been shown to have some floral biology. After his death, he is resurrected by literally growing like a potato in Lez's yard and having one of his fingers sprout into a small, kush-like plant.
Tin Man: The backstory in Season 3 reveals that he used to be a scientist on Kingdom Cum before he was transformed by an experiment, during which time he was quite cold, emotionally suppressed and ungrateful for all the love he got from the people around him until he became the way he is today.
Walking Spoiler: From Potadahead onwards, Clarence suddenly becomes extremely relevant to the plot.
Was Once a Man: In the same experiment that ended up creating the Choomahs, Clarence was mutated into the potato-headed freak everyone knows him as and was banished to Earth.
The Woobie

Donny

Donny the Dealer

"Mate, I'm Donny the Dealer, give us forty-eight hours."

Another sasquatch whose beard and bald head make him resemble an old man, he is green in color and runs a small pawnshop where he specializes in conning people out of their money and selling drugs. He is known for his rasping chuckle.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Arbitrary Skepticism: For an immortal, drug-addicted sasquatch who regularly encounters extraordinary anomalies, Donny can be stubbornly skeptical on some topics, especially when it comes to Sassy's baffling magical gifts.
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: His long list of Noodle Incident crimes that landed him in prison includes: tax fraud, punching babies, giving out dodgy roadworthies, starting the first riot in the Ukraine, and video piracy. Except none of that is true, as he was the only sasquatch who escaped the police, as Scruffy and Warning Guy point out.
Ascended Extra: Originally appearing as a minor supporting character only seen alongside the other sasquatches, Donny quickly grew in prominence throughout the series until he became just as significant as Sassy. He‘s officially a main character from Season 3 onwards.
Borrowed Catchphrase: He does Sassy's "whadaytalkinabeet" at a couple points, as well as "You fuckin' druggo", much to Sassy's annoyance.
Sassy: Fuck orf Donny, that's my catchphrase, you fuckin' druggo.
The Bully: He’s pretty abusive in his treatment of his only employee/shitkicker, Clarence. He occasionally kidnaps Clarence and uses him as a living target for his shooting range at the Lantana Bush, but while Clarence’s insane Healing Factor makes any injury he sustains trivial, Donny always conveniently ignores Clarence’s objections that he actually does feel pain whenever he’s shot.
- As shown in a flashback, Donny was originally kind to Clarence and helped him get back on his feet, but Donny has clearly been taking advantage of Clarence’s Extreme Doormat personality for years since.
Decomposite Character: The look of Donny was originally an early concept design of Sassy drawn by Jarrad while the Sassy that we know was drawn by his friend. Jarrad refined his mate's Sassy design but decided to keep his own Sassy in the show as a separate character that became Donny.
Early-Installment Weirdness: It took quite a while for Donny to reach his current characterisation — the earlier seasons pretty much had him have a different voice and personality per episode (for a while he had a nerdy lateral lisp for some reason).
Everyone Has Standards: While he's happy to falsely admit to tax fraud, punching babies, starting riots, etc., even Donny doesn't want to claim he's been done for drink-driving.
Extreme Omnivore: Almost as much so as Sassy.
Funny Animal: Although he exhibits so many human qualities it's hard to view him as one.
Hidden Depths: In Long Weekend, he reveals out of nowhere that he's a pro skater.
Improbable Aiming Skills: He's handy with a rifle, earning him the nickname Dead-Eye Donny.
Jack of All Trades: Donny is a merchant of a wide variety or products at his pawn-shop, including medication, weed, assorted narcotics, weapons, bongs, electric guitars, grappling hooks, and a device called the Stealthy Fucker. He's also a deadly fighter, an expert marksman and a pro skater.
Jerkass: Not as much as Lez, but enough to qualify.
Noodle Incident: He makes a swift getaway from the police when the other sasquatches are pulled over, yelling that there's no way he's going back to the Can. Later, when he tries to lie that he was imprisoned with the others, he makes up a long list of unconvincing Noodle Incident crimes to explain why he was nicked. Warning Guy doesn't buy any of it and forces him to admit he was never in prison.
The Stoner: Like Sassy, he frequents the Volcano Bong.
Straight Man: To Sassy, but he's still a drug-addicted sasquatch at the end of the day.
Those Two Guys: With Wayno and Sassy. Less so after Season 3 as he now interacts with the rest of the cast much more.
Took a Level in Kindness: He's much more patient with Clarence in Mike Nolan's Long Weekend than he would have been prior. It's seems Clarence really did earn a modicum of respect for his outburst.
Touched by Vorlons: The first episode of Sassy the Sasquatch reveals that Sassy himself was responsible for moulding Donny into the person he is, via some vague temporal/telepathic bullshit. By touching Donny's shoulder when they first met, Sassy somehow downloaded Donny's entire future personality into his mind. Before they met, Donny appeared to be a feral, unevolved sasquatch who couldn't speak. Understandably, Donny initially freaks out at the sudden rush of information, but he quickly mellows out and befriends Sassy.
Trapped by Mountain Lions: He and Sassy spend most of the series finale stuck in an especially nutty drug trip, encountering John Lennon and renowned psychedelic researcher Terrence McKenna. Things get pretty serious when it turns out that they were stuck in LSD limbo for an entire year, making everyone in town think they were dead or missing.

Quintin

Quintin Mackerel

"Holy shit, dad!"

Lez's son whom he found as a baby on his doorstep. Lez would have abandoned the child if it hadn't been for the financial benefits of taking him in. Quintin is subjected to and exasperated by a lot of the mental shit that goes on around Brown Town. He spent most of his childhood wanting an Xbox, which Lez eventually got him, although the problems didn't end there.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Abusive Parents: Lez seems to care very little for Quintin's well-being, and even after he grows to truly care about him he still treats him like shit most of the time.
Deadpan Snarker: Not at all surprising given how he's stuck in the middle of the bunch of nutjobs that fill the entirety of Brown Town.
Doorstop Baby: Lez finds a young Quintin abandoned on his doorstep and only takes him in for the child-support gyro money, but he quickly comes to truly care for him.
Heartwarming Orphan: When he learns he was adopted.
Hilariously Abusive Childhood: Lez basically forces Quintin to live in near-squalor because of his stubborn frugalness.
Mysterious Past: Where he came from before he mysteriously ended up on Lez's doorstep is never explored in The Big Lez Show. The Sassy the Sasquatch show seemingly ties up this loose end by revealing that Quintin was a test tube baby created with Lez's DNA, though this may only be true in the alternate timeline where Lez is reincarnated as a human.
Only Sane Man: Quintin wants nothing to do with the crazy horseshit that plagues his hometown and is miles more responsible than his father (and most of the characters in the show) will ever be. After Lez's death, Quintin has apparently been self-sustaining for around two years and he's barely even a teenager at this point.
Parental Substitute: He sees Norton as this for a while, until he realizes that he actually prefers Lez.
Throw the Dog a Bone: Finally earns his father's respect when he is caught smoking weed with the sasquatches.
Took a Level in Kindness: Quintin was a bit of a whinging brat in the earlier episodes of the show, but he mellows out significantly as he grows up.

Wayno

"Oh ye, ye, ya fucked it... ya fucked it."

A character indistinguishable from Donny apart from being grey instead of green and using a walking stick.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

BFG: He brought a large blunderbuss to Choomah Island.
Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: He disappears without explanation after Season 4. While listing off where the other missing characters are to Lez's memorial statue, Nolan doesn't even bother to guess where Wayno is and just says he's gone somewhere else.
Cool Old Guy: He seems to be elderly by sasquatch standards, who have extremely long lifespans to begin with, yet he still hangs out with them to smoke up on the daily.
A Day in the Limelight: “Plac-Key” gives him his first individual scenes away from the rest of the sasquatches, and shows him to be wise and insightful but also quite intimidating and mysterious.
Divergent Character Evolution: His design and personality gradually grow more distinct from Donny's as the show's art style evolves.
Funny Animal: Of the sasquatch variety.
Implied Death Threat: He gives a pretty serious one to Lez, threatening him to never reveal the location of the Secret Sasquatch Society, otherwise they'll come after him.
New-Age Retro Hippie: A past-his-prime variant. He believes in various New Age theories about healing crystals, the Living Earth, relative time, and so on.
The Old Convict: He looks the part when he and the others are locked up for drug possession. Turns out, it wasn't his first experience in a prison. He was the first sasquatch captured by the U.S. military and imprisoned deep within Area 51, where he had been tested and experimented on for many years by the time Sassy arrived there.
Palette Swap: He's just a grey-furred, light-skinned Donny with a slightly longer beard.
Perpetual Frowner: He often has a gruff-looking scowl on his face and is never seen smiling.
Power Crystal: He studies a clear quartz crystal that he says is alive and donates it to Lez for his mission to save his son. It does end up being helpful to Lez later on, but not for any spiritual purpose. Rather, Lez chucks it at a cop car to provide a distraction.
The Quiet One: He's the least talkative of the sasquatches, though he seems to be the most introspective.
Sir Swearsalot: Less aggressively so than Owly, but Wayno does use a lightly-spoken "fuck" or "fucken" as a filler for every other sentence.
The Stoner: Yep.

Scruffy

"Uhhh, I miss my shoes..."

A wooly white sasquatch who often feels like the others gang up on him, mostly due to him always having to be the one who fills up the Volcano Bong.

Voiced By: Tom Hollis

Accessory-Wearing Cartoon Animal: His pink trainers. The other sasquatches make a big song-and-dance about the fact that he doesn't need them, causing him to eventually throw them away out of frustration.
Butt-Monkey: Less so than Clarence, but he is the butt monkey of the sasquatch group.
Catchphrase: "D’aaawwww... Dunno what’s goin’ on".
Funny Animal
Ignored Expert: Chances are if the other sasquatches say something ridiculously untrue, Scruffy’s gonna try to call them out on it. No one ever listens.
Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Scruffy likes to think he’s more rational than the other sasquatches, but his rambling monologues about science and conspiracy theories rarely make any actual sense.
Non-Action Guy: He's been reduced to this since Season 2. He wasn't given a proper gun in "Choomah Island 2" and for reasons unknown he stays with Wayno and Scotty by the train instead of going to Laranox's island in "Choomah Island 3".
Put on a Bus: He's gone off to university by the time of Mike Nolan's Long Weekend.
The Friends Who Never Hang: He exchanges all of one sentence with the main character Lez, when Lez asks him to pass him a guitar in The Finale. Otherwise, he exists to interact with the other Sasquatches and no one else.
The Stoner: Like the rest of the main group of sasquatches, and his rambling and heavily slurred speaking style is highly reminiscent of a stereotypical stoner.
The Unintelligible: Thanks to his thick accent, perpetual slurring and mumbling, and tendency to go on lengthy rambling tangents, he is difficult to understand.

Owly

"I'm a fucking owl, for fuck's sakes!"

An incredible bad-tempered owl who hangs out with the Sasquatches and resents getting caught up in their adventures.

Voiced By: Cody-Paxton Hay

A Dog Named "Dog": Owly the owl.
Commuting on a Bus: Owly is mostly absent from Season 4 as he’s off migrating and finding mates in the Canary Islands, though we hear him have a phone conversation with Donny. He makes a surprise comeback at the end of the final episode.
Covert Pervert: He's slightly annoyed and embarrassed that he has to spend so much time instinctively chasing mates in the Canary Islands, but like Nolan, he has a taste for Asian prostitutes on the side.
Funny Animal
Hair-Trigger Temper: He's almost always pissed off about something.
The Load: As an owl with no opposable fingers and therefore incapable of wielding a gun, he admits that he’s totally useless in a firefight, but he comes along to Choomah Island anyway for shits and giggles. That said, he did manage to kill some Choomahs during their attack on the city by dropping grenades on them from the sky.
Sir Swearsalot: He seems to punctuate every second word with "fuck" or "cunt".
The Stoner: He has a drug addiction to rival the sasquatches. Owly's profile picture on Donny's phone is a photo of Owly looking completely shit-faced while cutting up lines on a table.
Team Pet: Owly is one for the sasquatches.
The Napoleon: He's much smaller than his sasquatch friends and has an extremely bellicose personality.

Warning Guy

Ellis Warnington

"Everyone, out of the water! There be a fucking shark!"

A hardcore Scotsman with a talent for killing dangerous shit.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Animal Nemesis: The Kraken.
Ax-Crazy: What else can you call someone whose first reaction to a shark attack is to dive into the water and stab it to death?
Bash Brothers: More like Bash Cousins, but he and Sergio make a formidable duo whenever they’re seen together.
Berserk Button: He really hates sharks and dangerous sea creatures in general.
The Coats Are Off: Before his showdown with Cecil the Sasquatch, he takes off his iconic yellow jacket and threatens to turn the monkey-man into haggis.
Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": In this case, everyone calls him Warning Guy.
Expy: An extremely capable brunette bearded Scotmans who has premonitions of the future and warns others about them. Basically a bogan alien version of Desmond from "Series/Lost".
Gut Feeling: He has several "bad feelings" throughout the second Choomah Island expedition, correctly predicting that something bad will happen to the plane he and Sergio are piloting before a Choomah launches straight through it. Later, he tries to get everyone off the island based on the same gut instinct.
Human Aliens: He’s secretly a Kingdom Cumian like Lez.
Improbable Aiming Skills: He can shoot down Choomahs without even looking.
Inexplicably Awesome: Though his Kingdom Cumian heritage might explain his durability and feats of strength, the flight and telekinesis he uses in his epic battle against Cecil go unexplained. Throughout Choomah Island 2, he also uses tantric meditation to predict the future and track people down, implying that he has had some spiritual training to master his abilities beyond any ordinary Kingdom Cumian.
Jack of All Trades: Like Nolan, Warning Guy is an all-round badass, though he mainly specialises in nautical jobs. He's an expert sailor, fisherman, lighthouse keeper, lifeguard, hunter, and explorer. He's also a formidable fighter and sharpshooter. To top it all off, he has honest-to-god superpowers thanks to his Kingdom Cumian heritage.
Meaningful Name: His surname sounds like his nickname, which comes from his habit of showing up to deliver warnings or help out in battle.
Uncertain Doom: The Kraken finally catches up to him in Season 4's finale, but he even lampshades that he'll survive the attack and we'll see him in a future series.
Violent Glaswegian: Conforms to every aggressive Scottish stereotype.

Sergio Warnington

"As you may not know, I'm the game hunter."

A hard-faced man encountered by Lez and Sassy in prison who holds valuable information about the Choomahs. He's Warning Guy's human cousin.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: He is the only person to befriend Clarence, but implies that he is only doing it to gather information.
Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Sergio can be seen doing 360-no-scopes (jumping and spinning around with a sniper rifle like a Call of Duty player) in the middle of a skirmish with the Choomahs. His behaviour is more bizarre in "Choomah Island 2".
Face of a Thug: He's much friendlier than he looks.
Great White Hunter: His main motivation for fighting the Choomah infestations is simply for the thrill of the hunt.
Human Aliens: Subverted for once. Although he is related to Warning Guy who is revealed to be one of the last surviving Kingdom Cumians, Sergio is apparently not alien himself according to Word of God.
Put on a Bus: Sergio went for a short bus ride for the duration of Season 3 before being brought back in "Choomah Island 2", but since then he has never been seen or mentioned. Justified, as his voice actor moved away.
The Stoner: Mainly in "Choomah Island 2", where he talks non-stop about drugs and threatens to jeopardise the entire mission by deciding to smoke a strong hash noodle before piloting the plane carrying the group to the island.
What the Hell Is That Accent?: He has a posher dialect than his cousin Ellis which wavers between RP British English and upper-crust Australian.

Enemies

Norton

Norton Sparckles

"You fucking coward."

Lez's gay cunt of a neighbor and nemesis. The two have been at war for years, with their fights ranging from extreme physical fights which neither of them can win due to both of their superhuman strength, shitting in each other's mailboxes and destroying each other's property.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Always Second Best: To Lez. While Norton is capable of putting up a decent fight against his brother, Lez almost always proves to be stronger. Norton usually has to rely on dirty tricks, scheming, and pleading for his life when things don't go his way. Lez also has more friends and a son, which Norton seems to resent. Only their father, King Laranox, shows any favouritism towards Norton.
Ambiguously Gay: Lez often accuses Norton of being gay, as he likes flowers and pink cakes and things like that. Lez later claims that he's not gay, making it clear that his hatred of Norton isn't homophobic in nature. It doesn't stop him from calling Norton a gay cunt in the same sentence, however.
Arch-Enemy: To Lez, of course.
Big Bad: serves as this for Seasons 1 and 3.
Berserk Button: "You destroyed my flowers. I saw it".
Big Brother Is Watching: As revealed in Season 4, Norton set up a massive surveillance network across Browntown, installing hidden cameras everywhere to monitor Lez, Quintin, Donny, Nolan and more. Lez finds the control hub in a hidden underground lair beneath Norton's house and gets especially furious when he sees a camera inside Quintin's room.
Butt-Monkey: While Clarence may get a lot of shit, Norton is the one resident that nobody else in Browntown can stand. Lez's very first action in the series is to mess up Norton's flowers and things only escalate from there.
Cain and Abel: It is revealed in season one that he and Lez are brothers who are at war because they were both banished from Kingdom Cum after fighting to inherit the planet. After decades of on and off fights, Lez finally kills him in "Choomah Island 2".
Camp Straight: Despite all the signs and accusations he gets, Lez actually claims that Norton isn't gay, as far as he knows. Doesn't stop Lez from calling him a gay cunt.
Fat Bastard: While Lez's extreme hatred of Norton may seem mislaid at first, it's later revealed that Norton was in cahoots with King Laranox and had set up a massive surveillance network around town, including in Quintin's room, retroactively putting every misfortune he had suffered by Lez's hand in a new light.
Four-Temperament Ensemble: The Sanguine.
Human Aliens: [[spoiler:He and Lez are revealed to be this, hence their superhuman strength.
Killed Off for Real: [[spoiler: Apparently so, as of "Choomah Island 2".
The Heavy: Serves as this for the series as the archenemy to Lez and the main antagonist of two out of the four seasons. The true Big Bad however is his father, King Laranox.
Made of Iron: Just like Lez, he routinely survives injuries that no living thing ever should. This can be attributed to being a Kingdom Cumian.
Nice Guy: Although the lengths he goes to to get back at Lez are pretty extreme, he genuinely cares about Quintin and is a much nicer person than Lez.
Palette Swap: Aside from his longer blonde hair and lack of glasses, he looks almost identical to Lez, down to the fact that he wears red shorts and a blue vest, an inversion of Lez's colour scheme. It's an early hint that they're secretly brothers.
Parental Substitute: He becomes this to Quentin for a while when the boy gets sick of Lez's cruelty. Quentin eventually ditches him as he becomes bored by Norton and resolves that Lez is just cooler.
Psychopathic Manchild: He may be a hell of a lot nicer than Lez, but when it comes to immature vengeance against his brother, he's just as bad as him.
Real Men Wear Pink: Has a girlish haircut and dresses quite effeminately, but he can throw down against his equally gaudy brother when he needs to.
Schemer: From Season 2 onwards, it becomes clear that Norton is plotting something sinister from behind the scenes. Turns out he's working with King Laranox to spy on the townsfolk, design the schematics for android cops, and use a UFO to gather up the Choomahs.
Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: To Lez.
There Is No Kill Like Overkill: Norton dies a shockingly brutal death at Lez's hands involving being shot in the torso multiple times, shoved off a cliff and impaled on a rock, and eventually sinking into the ocean. Purely in self-defence on Lez’s part, of course.
Viewer Gender Confusion: Surprisingly, he caused this with some viewers in early episodes.
We Can Rule Together: Shortly before his death, he makes a very ineffective gesture of alliance to Lez, offering him the chance to rule alongside him and King Laranox. However, when he moves in for a hug, he pulls a knife on Lez, only to get shot seventeen times in the torso in retaliation.

Choomahs

"OoooooooowwwWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!"

Savage yellow creatures that slightly resemble Homer Simpson. The Choomahs are the most recurring enemies in the series and create destruction wherever they go.

Voiced By: Tom Hollis

Bizarre Alien Biology: Choomahs are described as being like an organic viral infection that spawn and multiply rapidly, which is why they’re so dangerous. They can also survive in the vacuum of space.
Flying Mook: Cecil has a personal Choomahdactyl, a Choomah with wings.
Genius Loci: The Choomah Islands are themselves living, Kaiju-sized Choomahs that can eventually grow to the size of a small planet when exposed to the vacuum of space.
Giant Mook: A few have been seen.
Heel–Face Turn: Believe it or not, but they do collectively turn over a new leaf at the very end of the series after evolving enough to understand the wrongness of their actions. They bid farewell to their creator Clarence and fly off to the stars in search of a new planet to peacefully colonise.
Made of Plasticine: While deadly in numbers, individual Choomahs are easily gored, brutalised and blown apart by the main characters in hilariously over-the-top ways. Even one of Sassy's drug-laced Trippa Snippas can cause a Choomah's head to messily erupt.
Multiple Head Case: A two-headed Choomah destroys the military jet piloted by Sergio and Warning Guy.
Screaming Warrior: The Choomahs are instantly recognisable for their loud screams.

The Policeman of Browntown

Officer Hawthorne

"Save your breath, you feathered fuck."

An extremely corrupt and violent cop that Lez briefly befriends. He has many identical doppelgängers around Browntown.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright (2012-2013) Tommo Graham (2017)

Ax-Crazy: All of the cops are prone to excessive, unprovoked violence.
Cool Shades: He is never seen without them.
Dirty Cop: He helps Lez vandalize Norton's house and guns down people that annoy him.
Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": All the other characters refer to him as the Policeman of Browntown or simply "the Cop".
Expy: Clearly of the T-800 Terminator, which becomes more explicit when it's revealed that all the cops are robots.
- The reveal also ties him to RoboCop. Norton even references the similarity.
Given Name Reveal: For most of the series, he's only known as the Policeman of Browntown. In Season 4, it's revealed that at least one of them is named Hawthorne.
Jack of All Trades: At least in the security/law enforcement business. He is seen to arrest people, guard prisoners, do interrogations and bounce at a night-club.
Jerkass: Even Lez calls him "very mean".
Me's a Crowd: It turns out that there isn't one Policeman of Browntown, there's a whole army of them.
No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: One of the cops dishes out a horrendous one to Clarence during a raid on Browntown, and each time Clarence makes a bad joke at his own expense, the cop only continues to punch him harder and faster.
The Omnipresent: The fact that he's somehow everywhere at once (and in numerous professions) is an early sign that he's just one of many RoboCops.
Robotic Reveal: Lez finds out in Norton’s house that all of the policemen are identical android soldiers created by King Laranox.

Bumble Brutus

"My name is Bumble Brutus!"

An extremely powerful Choomah who resembles a giant, muscular bee. He is the best friend of Cecil.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Bald of Evil: Like all Choomahs.
Disc-One Final Boss: When Lez encountered him, he appeared to be leading the Choomahs.
The Dragon: To Cecil.
One-Scene Wonder: He does not appear after the encounter on the island, apart from in a drug-induced flashback, as Lez shoots him in the face.

Cecil

Cecil the Sasquatch

"I'm the bad guy. That's what we do. We fuck shit up! Usually in a city."

A gorilla-like sasquatch who rules Choomah Island and the entire race of Choomahs, or "yellow things". He is responsible for launching an attack on Brown Town, being party to the destruction of Kingdom Cum and making numerous attempts on the lives of Lez and co. It is revealed that he has been chosen to be next in line by Lez's father after Lez and Norton disappointed him.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Big Bad: Serves as this for Season 2 as he leads the Choomah invasion on Brown Town.
Bullying a Dragon: Dismisses Warning Guy as "nothing but a fuckin’ fisherman", but quickly regrets those words when Ellis reveals his true heritage...
Card-Carrying Villain: "I'm the bad guy. That's what we do. We fuck shit up. Usually in a city".
Cruel and Unusual Death: Gets the absolute snot beaten out of him by a powered-up Warning Guy and then shot through the shoulder by Sergio. Warning Guy finishes the deal by sneaking up behind him and cutting his throat wide open with a fish knife.
The Dragon: secretly serves as this for King Laranox as his new heir to the throne of Kingdom Cum.
Embarrassing First Name: Lez is quick to point out what a lame name Cecil has for an arch-villain.
Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Bumble Brutus was a close friend, and this is one of the main reasons Cecil has sworn to destroy Lez.
Fluffy the Terrible: A red-eyed, black-furred sasquatch named... Cecil.
For the Evulz: He makes it quite clearly that he has no other purpose for attacking everyone.
Greater-Scope Villain: serves as this for Season 1 as he is the best friend and boss to Bumble Brutus, the Disc-One Final Boss.
Go-Karting with Bowser: Perhaps because he is a saquatch, the other sasquatches seem to hang out with him and have definitely been to the island before. Norton also knows him through Laranox.
Killer Gorilla: He's an evil ape who towers over the protagonists.
Running Gag: He’s always getting mistaken for King Kong.

Hansel

"Oh fuck! Sir! Sir!"

A weird nugget-looking thing that serves Cecil and King Laranox. Warning Guy and Sergio capture him after defeating Cecil.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Alien Blood: Averted, his blood's red, but Lez is surprised as he thought it'd be green.
Driven to Suicide: Either out of disgust, fear or loyalty to his masters, he kills himself on the spot rather than reveal any more information about Laranox's plan.
Fluffy the Terrible: Like his boss, he has an amusingly innocuous name.
Gonk: He's a wrinkly seaweed-coloured chicken nugget with a face and limbs.
Perp Sweating: Warning Guy threateningly interrogates him like this in a dingy basement, until he eventually cracks and shoots himself in the forehead.

King Laranox

"It's my kingdom, not yours! Now get the fuck away from my ship, you fat fucker!"

The father of Lez and Norton and the ruler of Kingdom Cum. Physically, he resembles Thor.

Voiced By: Tommo Graham

Arch Nemesis Dad: If Lez’s grudge against Norton seemed disturbingly intense, the amount of seething hatred he bears towards his father is practically volcanic in comparison. When Laranox finds out that Lez killed Norton, the sentiment becomes well and truly mutual.
Big Bad: serves as this for Season 4 and the series overall.
Beard of Evil: A massive ginger one.
Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Although he exiled Norton alongside Lezlie, Laranox seemingly did come to care about Norton after he rejoined his side. He's genuinely appalled when Lez reveals he killed his own brother. Lez, on the other hand...
Evil Is Hammy: A bellowing, arrogant supervillain in every sense.
Fiery Redhead: Unlike his sons.
Final Boss: After taking out the Choomahs, Norton, Cecil and various other threats, Laranox is the final opponent Lez has to face.
Greater-Scope Villain: serves as this for the first three seasons as he is the power behind Norton and Cecil in leading the Choomahs on Brown Town.
Human Aliens: Though his manner of dress definitely gives away his alien nature.
I Have No Son!: He disowns both of his sons for their drunken escapades and the destruction they caused. To Lez's anger, though, it appears that Norton seems to be at least partly in cahoots with him still.
Motive Decay: While his plans are never fully explained, Laranox is extremely defensive of his crown and rightful place as King of Kingdom Cum, a planet that Laranox himself destroyed along with nearly all its inhabitants.
No Indoor Voice: LITERALLY SCREAMS EVERY SINGLE LINE HE SPEAKS.
Outliving One's Offspring: Lez is the one to reveal his murder of Norton to their father, who is unable to believe it at first.
Rasputinian Death: Impaled through a tree, stabbed with his own crown and finished off with a broken shard of bark through the throat. And even while dying from all that, he manages to score a fatal blow on Lez.
Strange-Syntax Speaker: TALKS-SA A LOT-TA LIKE THIS-SA.
Violent Glaswegian: He has a Scottish accent.

Glen

"Isn't technology amazing these days? Everything's at one push of a button."

A mysterious background figure who owns a toy manufacturing company that sells dolls in his likeness called Glendolls, which Lez avidly collects. He was present on Kingdom Cum when Dr. C first created the Choomahs.

Voiced By: Tom Hollis (The Glen Dolls), Jarrad Wright (Glen Himself)

Beard of Evil: He has a trim white beard and turns out to be one of the baddies.
Broken Pedestal: For Lez, who idolised Glen and his action figures, the reveal that Glen has been working with Laranox the whole time hits him hard.
Corrupt Corporate Executive: A corporate sleaze (if the recorded lines his action figures speak when squeezed are any indication) and a would-be conqueror of Earth alongside King Laranox.
The Dog Was the Mastermind: Glen, an extremely minor background character, is eventually revealed to be working with King Laranox. He also funded the experiments that first created the Choomahs and caused Clarence’s subsequent exile into space.
Evil States of America: He's pretty much the only character with a noticeably American accent and he turns out to be an unapologetic Corrupt Corporate Executive.
Faux Affably Evil: He can appear charming and affable, but he's cold-hearted and ambitious.
Genre Refugee: He's an ambitious, American-accented tycoon who waxes poetic about how far technology has progressed and so on. He seems like he'd be more at home in an American political drama rather than in a wacky Australian cartoon about drug-abusing sasquatches.
Greater-Scope Villain: Glen is the true mastermind behind the events of the series and has been using Laranox and the other villains for his own ends. However, Laranox is still the biggest personal threat to Lez when all's said and done.
Human Aliens: Looks like an ordinary human businessman.
Karma Houdini: Aside from the planet he planned to rule getting nuked; he never directly suffers any repercussions for masterminding the events of Season 4.

The Aliens

Aliens

A group of time-travelling grey aliens who angrily dropped Sassy on Earth 65 million years ago and inadvertently stole his weed stash.

Voiced By: Matt Terechow

The Greys: They look like standard Grey Aliens.
Not So Above It All: They act all superior, but when Sassy pisses them off, they decide to confiscate his weed out of spite.
Roswell That Ends Well: As it turns out, they are the actual Roswell UFO aliens retrieved by the U.S. military in Area 51.
Sufficiently Advanced Aliens: Their ship can travel through time.
Villainy-Free Villain: While they are the overarching antagonists of Sassy the Sasquatch, they don't do anything particularly villainous. They only came to Earth to study some grass and were justifiably annoyed that Sassy barged into their ship. However, their attempts to get rid of him prove futile, as Sassy is determined to retrieve his weed stash.

Others

Daednu

"Awwwww, they bit off my hands!"

A seemingly immortal bystander who constantly finds himself injured by Choomahs, but he survives every attack no matter how severe.

Voiced By: Tom Hollis

Chekhov's Gunman: Appears in a helicopter to save Nolan and the sasquatches from the exploding Choomah Island. Although how he got the chopper and why he would go to the effort to save some strangers is never questioned.
The Chew Toy: Perhaps even more so than Clarence. Over the course of the series, he gets his skull bludgeoned into the ground, his legs ripped off and his body crushed between the palms of the Choomahviathan.
Cloud Cuckoo Lander: It’s apparent that years of surviving wounds no person should ever be able to recover from has severely affected his mental processes. His only dialogue consists of random non-sequiturs and bouts of agonising screaming.
Made of Iron: His whole gag is that no matter what injury he sustains, he'll always start screaming in pain and moaning about the wound shortly after. Even when he gets his head stomped into mush multiple times, he can still somehow be heard screaming long after the point you'd expect him to be dead.
Meaningful Name: His name is a reversal of "undead".
Shout-Out: He's a pastiche of the pilots Frank Lapidus and Seth Norris from Lost.

Charles Charlington

"Today, I will be telling you the story about Lezlie's ephiphany while he was feeling the effects of Sassy's trippa-snippa sandwich. Let's see how this story wraps up."

An elderly, sophisticated narrator who appears in the second season.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

The Bus Came Back: After disappearing for years, Charles makes an unexpected return at The Stinger of "Choomah Island 3" where it’s revealed he’s (probably) been Sassy in disguise the entire time.
Incredibly Lame Pun: He enjoys these quite a lot.
Lemony Narrator: He tells his tales with humorous flourishes.
The Stoner: Much like almost every other character on the show.

Bill the Bartender

Bill

"Heheheh."

A pub bartender with a high-pitched, barely intelligible voice.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Seinfeldian Conversation: He's solely there to bounce off Noelsie when they have a typical Aussie bloke conversation (i.e. a large amount of "Yeah nah yeah nah yeah nahs").
Signature Laugh: "Heheheh".
The Unintelligible: By Mike Nolan's Long Weekend, he's basically impossible to understand.

Crazy Steve

"Ffffucken Noelsieeeee, how ya goin’ mate?"

A reputable old friend of Mike Nolan’s who works in construction. Has so far only appeared in Mike Nolan-centred episodes.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Ascended Extra: Has an expanded role in Mike Nolan's Long Weekend.
Cool Old Guy: Mike Nolan considers him a Living Legend.
Helium Speech: Has a rather nasally, high-pitched voice for a man of his age and stature, which Noelsie actually points out as sounding like a cockatiel.
The Obi-Wan: He is one to Noelsie, as he taught him his carefree philosophy and all the tradie skills he knows.
Non-Indicative Name: He's not actually that much crazier than anyone else in the show, but he's said to have been much wilder in his younger years. When he's not off his nut on drugs, he actually comes across as a bit more level-headed than Noelsie.
The Stoner: He’s retired from that lifestyle mostly, but it only takes some mild goading from Noelsie for him to start chugging a bong and coke on camera.
Vocal Dissonance: He has a very high-pitched voice for a man his age. Noelsie points out he has the same "cockatiel voice" as Bill the Bartender.

Taipan Pete

"I’ve been waiting for you..."

A mysterious bearded fella Lez encounters while wandering the deserts in Season 4. Lez narrates the story of the season to him while they both wait for a train to North Queensland.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Allegorical Character: It's been speculated that he may be a metaphor for Jarrad Wright, the show's creator, coming to terms with letting go of his childhood creation, Big Lez.
Catchphrase: "Yeah, roight".
The Gadfly: He seems to get a kick out of freaking Lez out with vaguely ominous remarks and worming his way out of revealing his identity.
Identical Stranger: Bears a strong resemblance to Mike Nolan’s mate Crazy Steve, leading many to mistakenly conclude that the two were related. During his daytura-induced frenzy, Lez even accuses him of being Crazy Steve's dad, referencing the fan theory.
Kid from the Future: Taipan Pete is heavily implied to be Quintin from an alternate future timeline in which Lez became king after killing Laranox and wrought havoc upon the Earth. Pete can apparently only communicate to the "real" timeline through drug-induced hallucinations, as Sassy and Donny both know of him. However, it's still left open to interpretation.
Mysterious Stranger: The question of his true identity and significance is central to Season 4's plot.
Tomato in the Mirror: Turns out Lez never met Pete and never even went to the desert at all. He just ate a load of daytura flowers and hallucinated the whole encounter while blabbering to a tree on the side of a train track. But to confuse things, Sassy and Donny recognise Pete's name...
Wham Line: First, "Bit chilly for the desert, isn't it?" Second, "We knew each other once. I just... grew up".

Kizza

"Yis, it was quite intense, actually."

A socially awkward white-furred Sasquatch from New Zealand and a member of the Secret Sasquatch Society. He travels across oceans on a small stand-up paddleboard.

Voiced By: Tommo Graham

Catchphrase: Referring to everything as "intense".
Chekhov's Gunman: That paddleboard of his comes in handy when he arrives just in time to rescue Mike Nolan and Quintin when they’re stranded in the middle of the ocean following the destruction of King Laranox's island base.
Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Not as odd as most sasquatches, but he's charmingly eccentric at least.
Made of Iron: While paddling across the Pacific ocean in order to get to the SSS party, he somehow manages to survive a wave of deadly cyclones called the Three Twisted Sisters.
Only Sane Man: Kizza seems to be one of the only named sasquatches that isn’t a drug-addled Cloud Cuckoo Lander, though he still goes on many wild offscreen adventures.
Strange-Syntax Speaker: Speaks in an oddly formal, restrained manner compared to the other sasquatches, which isn’t helped by his incredibly thick accent.

The Devil

"Alright, own up, who summoned me? That cunt owes me a beer!"

The actual Satan. He’s a member of the Secret Sasquatch Society despite not being a sasquatch, and is a surprisingly laidback dude.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Hellfire: Makes a grand entrance to the sasquatch party in a column of roaring fire, only for it to quickly dissipate to reveal a friendly-looking red guy in a yellow shirt.
Nice Guy: Helps Lez for no reason other than he needed help, treats being summoned as a practical joke, and is just a pleasant guy overall. Surprisingly.
Satan Is Good: He mocks the vilified way he’s presented in “all those Bible books” as he’s actually a friendly, chilled out guy. He even lends Lez some black camo gear for his mission to save Quintin.
The Stoner: “Mate, they don’t call it the Devil’s Lettuce for nothin’”.

Scotty

"Don't... do that to me, alri'? I've seen what happens on yer little journeys. There's always some fuckin' explosion or heavy drug use, and I don't want to be involved in any of it. I just drive treens."

A timid ginger-haired sasquatch who drives the freight train that gets Lez and the crew to North Queensland.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Bystander Syndrome: Reconstructed. He's proud to admit that he doesn't care to get involved in other people's problems, he just does his own thing: drive trains. While he is a stick-in-the-mud in this regard, it's hard to deny that he has good sense to be wary of getting involved in Sassy's drug-fuelled escapades.
A Dog Named "Dog": Has a pronounced Scottish accent to match his name.
Genre Savvy: He's well aware of what goes on during Sassy's "adventures" and the certain doom awaiting a Red Shirt like him, and wisely stays on the train.
My Species Doth Protest Too Much: He’s not a fan of the dangerous adventures and hard drug abuse that the other sasquatches routinely get up to, and would rather just get on with his job.
Non-Action Guy: Hates adventures and refuses to join the Boys on their quest to kill King Laranox. His only assistance was driving them to Queensland.
Odd Friendship: Sassy and Scotty seem to get on well, even though they're as polar opposite as you can get. Sassy is genuinely disappointed when Scotty declines his offer to join them on their skitz mission to Laranox's island.
Only Sane Man: The sanest sasquatch character we’ve seen so far, and the only one to be genuinely straight-edge.
Refusal of the Call: Sassy tries to goad him into joining them on their skitz mission to kill Laranox, but Scotty awkwardly rebukes him several times and instead spends the rest of the episode chatting with Wayno.

Nigel

Nigel Simmons

"Who's this fella?"

The protagonist of a future, as-of-yet untitled series that will be set in the Big Lez universe. Nigel is a prominent landowner in Brown Town and provides protection for the sasquatches and all the other freaky inhabitants of the neighbourhood.

Voiced By: Jarrad Wright

Cool Old Guy: He has a stern, effortless confidence about him.
Early-Bird Cameo: Makes a few brief appearances in "Mike Nolan's Long Weekend" that will likely set up the events of his own future series. Sassy even lampshades that he's definitely going to be the next protagonist.
First-Name Ultimatum: He sternly warns Nolan to forget about the UFOs by calling him "Michael".
The Masquerade: Ever since Sassy and the others first arrived in Browntown, he's been secretly protecting the rest of the world from all sorts of creatures that emerge out of Sassy's broken interdimensional portal and concealing it from the public, something that clearly weighs heavily on him.
Only Sane Man: Flashbacks in Sassy the Sasquatch show that he once was this, as he reacts to talking sasquatches, time travel and interdimensional portals like any normal person would (i.e. abject fear, confusion and irritation). As it turns out, while Lez and the gang have been having their skitz drug-fuelled adventures, Nigel has been reluctantly forced to cover up their existence from the rest of the public and protect the town from other strange creatures that emerge through Sassy's portals in order to prevent mass panic.
Secret-Keeper: Clearly knows something about the mysterious lights flashing in the sky above Brown Town but orders Nolan and the sasquatches to forget all about them before hastily driving off.

Characters / The Big Lez Show

The Boys

The Boys

Lezly "Lez" Mackerel

Sassy the Sasquatch

Mike Nolan

Clarence Claymore/Dr. C

Donny the Dealer

Quintin Mackerel

Wayno

Scruffy

Owly

Ellis Warnington

Sergio Warnington

Enemies

Norton Sparckles

Choomahs

Officer Hawthorne

Bumble Brutus

Cecil the Sasquatch

Hansel

King Laranox

Glen

Aliens

Others

Daednu

Charles Charlington

Bill

Crazy Steve

Taipan Pete

Kizza

The Devil

Scotty

Nigel Simmons

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Index

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Characters / The Big Lez Show

Edit Locked

The Boys

The Boys

Lezly "Lez" Mackerel

Sassy the Sasquatch

Mike Nolan

Clarence Claymore/Dr. C

Donny the Dealer

Quintin Mackerel

Wayno

Scruffy

Owly

Ellis Warnington

Sergio Warnington

Enemies

Norton Sparckles

Choomahs

Officer Hawthorne

Bumble Brutus

Cecil the Sasquatch

Hansel

King Laranox

Glen

Aliens

Others

Daednu

Charles Charlington

Bill

Crazy Steve

Taipan Pete

Kizza

The Devil

Scotty

Nigel Simmons

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Index

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