- Fighter, Mage, Thief: Fitzroy is a barbarian and fills the role of physical brawler, the Firbolg primarily uses druidic magic, and Argo is a swashbuckling rogue.
- Loser Protagonist: As members of the sidekick/henchperson program they are this by default.
- Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: Even by the standards of the sidekick/henchperson classes, they stand out as odd.
Argonaut "Argo" Keene
Class: Rogue (Swashbuckler)
A water genasi rogue with a handlebar mustache. He spent several years as a swashbuckling seafarer, but is now interested in a different career. Played by Clint.
- Badass Mustache: Has a nice handlebar mustache.
- Dark and Troubled Past: Mentions that his family is poor and it was difficult for him to get the funds necessary to enroll.
- Half-Human Hybrid: As a water genasi he is part-human and part-genie.
- Hidden Agenda Hero: His conversation with Jackle implies that his reason for enrolling at the academy is more complicated than it may appear and involves a woman named "Mariah".
- The Knights Who Say "Squee!": Admires a hero known as "The Commodore" and enrolled in the academy in hopes of becoming his sidekick.
- The Smart Guy: Mechanically he is the only party member with any investment in intelligence.
- Making a Splash: He has some innate control over water because of his heritage.
- Mellow Fellow: He is the only member of the main trio who seems genuinely interested in the sidekick/henchperson program.
Class: Druid (Circle of the Land - Forest)
A firbolg druid who has no personal name, and due to some past event, no clan name, either. He moves at a different pace from most of the student body, being more interested in nature than interpersonal drama. He speaks broken Common with a Slavic accent. Played by Justin.
- Dark and Troubled Past: He was exiled from his clan.
- The Eeyore: Describes himself as "lower than dirt" because of his exile.
- Friend to All Living Things: Comes with being a druid and he shows a gentle side for smaller animals.
- Gentle Giant: He is 8 feet tall and, despite his gruff exterior, he takes the time to console a lost baby Pegasus in the first episode.
- No Name Given: Firbolgs typically do not have given names, and this one is no exception. His classmates have suggested several names including "Bud", "Furby", "Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt", and "Yew" but none have stuck so far. He does seem fond of "Doctor Mushrooms" after Fitzroy suggests it during their first henchman assignment.
- No Need for Names: As a Firbolg he doesn't see a use for names. The closest he had was the name of his clan, but since he was exiled it's doubtful he'd use it anymore.
- Speaks Fluent Animal: He can communicate with the animals around campus.
- You No Take Candle: He tends to speak like this, likely due to not having much familiarity with Common.
Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt
Class: Barbarian (Path of the Wild Soul)
A half-elf nobleman. His class is barbarian and he originally attended a school for knights, but when his underdeveloped magical potential was discovered, he was no longer able to attend that school. Played by Griffin.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Constantly bemoans his lack of respect, his presence in the henchperson devision, and his desire to leave the school to become a great knight defending Good Castle. When hes recognized for his talents and offered a chance to escape the henchman track, its as a potential villain.
- Blessed with Suck: His magic powers manifesting ruined his chances at becoming a knight and forced him to drop out of his first school.
- Familiar: Festo conjures him a crab familiar to help him learn to nurture his magic instead of repressing it. Fitzroy has dubbed the crab "Snippers" for the time being.
- How Do I Shot Web?: The way magic derailed his plans becomes apparent in the second episode when his attempt to cast Mage Hand in a dodgeball game becomes Thunderwave, which injures everyone in the vicinity. He admits to Festo that the reason for his expulsion was because he accidentally transmuted his teacher.
- Royal Brat: Sir Fitzroy has the haughty and entitled demeanor that his title would imply.
- Upper-Class Twit: Comes from a noble family and flaunts his title at every opportunity, bemoans having to share a room with the Firbolg and Argo, and expects to get preferential treatment from the faculty.
Faculty and Staff
Head of the Hero/Villain school and Higglemas' brother.
- Punny Name: The first part of his name is pronounced "hero" and he is a hero who runs a school for heroes.
- Sibling Yin-Yang: He's much more outwardly friendly than Higglemas and seems to enjoy the spotlight much more. Whether that's because he was the hero brother or just how he's always been is unknown.
Head of the Sidekick/Henchperson annex and Hieronymous' brother.
- Sibling Yin-Yang: Higglemas is much less approachable than his brother, and doesn't even show up for orientation, preferring to give a short and slapdash speech remotely via magical projection. It's unclear if this is a result of being his brother's sidekick or if he was always like that.
A humanoid owl who teaches accounting.
- Cool Teacher: Has this reputation in part because accounting is a very popular subject. The Firbolg may beg to differ, though.
- Determinator: He has made it his mission to help the Firbolg understand accounting. Considering he comes from a society without currency or the concept of ownership in general, Bartholomus has his work cut out for him.
A silver dragonborn who is the combat instructor for the hero/villain track. He's married to Jimson.
A teacher responsible for the "tavern" classes.
A fairy who teaches magic.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: They are an eccentric fairy obsessed with partying yet somehow hold a tenured position at a prestigious school.
- Helium Speech: Has a very high-pitched voice reminiscent of Elmo.
- Third-Person Person: Refers to themself in the third person.
- Transgender: Confirmed by Travis as non-binary.
A kindly centaur who teaches animal handling.
A kenku who teaches sneakery.
A human man who serves as the fighting instructor for sidekicks and henchpeople. Married to Crush.
A goliath woman who teaches shieldwork.
The halfling professor of blame-taking.
- Extreme Doormat: To the point that they teach classes on taking blame.
Other School Staff
The gargoyle assistant/RA in the room.
- Hive Mind: The various room gargoyles form a network of shared information, although each individual has their own personality.
- Alliterative Name: He introduces himself as Groundsy the Groundskeeper. The effect is exacerbated by the fact that the party had just met Gary the Gargoyle.
Germaine, Victoria, and Rattles
A group of skeletons that serve as training dummies.
- Dem Bones: They are skeletons after all.
- Friendly Skeleton: They are shown to be cordial and eager to help new heroes, villains, sidekicks, and henchmen train.
- Punny Name: Played straight with their group name.
- Averted with their own names; they introduce themselves as Skully, Bonesy, and Rattles, but explain this is just a joke, their actual named being Germaine, Victoria, and... Rattles.
- The Silent Bob: Rattles doesn't speak, he just rattles his jaw. The other skeletons don't want to talk about it.
A brawny human man who runs the cafeteria.
The guidance counselor.
The son of deposed king now in the hero program.
- The Alcoholic: Introduced nursing a severe hangover on the first day of the semester.
- The Bully: Mocks Fitzroy on his first day for not getting into the hero program.
- Establishing Character Moment: Introduced nursing a massive hangover (on the first day of the semester) making very strained conversation with our main characters, only to promptly drop all pretense at friendship when he realizes they aren't in the hero track.
A hero student who is friends with Rolandas.
The son of The Iron Lord and student on the hero track. Seems to have a rivalry with Rolandas.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Self-professed to be an asshole who happens to be very charismatic.
A student in the villain program. She is friends with Rolandas.
Class: Wizard (School of Necromancy)
A cheerful necromancer on the villain track.
- Bad Powers, Bad People: Played with. According to her, her necromancy powers are why she was sorted into the villain track, though she herself is a very nice person.
- Cool Chair: Her chair floats around and has magical neon lights she can control. Plus, lots of storage space.
- Handicapped Badass: She has a chronic illness that confines her to a magical floating chair, and she is a powerful enough necromancer that she can make squirrel skeletons dance on command.
- Nice Girl: Described by Buckminster as a beacon of light and loyalty and friendship, a description she lives up to whenever she talks to anyone.
A half-orc in the villain track and twin sister of Dip.
Buckminster's softspoken sidekick.
- Mellow Fellow: He speaks very politely with an mellow tone, even when trying to convince Riveau that he stole his coin.
A half-orc in the henchperson track and twin sister of Pip.