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Thalia's Musings

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     First appearing in Volume One: A Snag in the Tapestry 

Multiple

  • Anything That Moves / Depraved Bisexual: Zeus and Dionysus.
  • Bishōnen: Apollo, Dionysus, and Eros.
  • Brainy Brunette: Thalia, Calliope, and the rest of the Muses. Also Athena.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Thalia. Full stop. Also Persephone. Apollo has his moments as do some of the other Muses.
  • Gray Eyes: Apollo, Artemis, Athena.
  • Happily Married: Hades and Persephone; Asclepius and Epione; Eros and Psyche.
  • Marry for Love:
    • Persephone did this with Hades, in spite of being sought after by most of Zeus' sons.
    • Eros and Psyche.
    • Aphrodite resents not being given this option.
  • Massive Numbered Siblings:
    • The Nine Muses.
    • Aglaea is the youngest of Asclepius and Epione's nine children.
    • At the end of Volume One, Calliope gives birth to the Corybantes, identical septuplet brothers.
  • Not Blood Siblings: Zeus and Hera. The Titans are beings of pure spirit who paired off and joined their energy to create the first generation of Olympian gods. Zeus and Hera, as well as Hestia, Demeter, Hades, and Poseidon, were created by Cronus and Rhea.
    • Athena and Artemis. Artemis is Zeus' biological daughter, and Athena is his ward and ex nihilo creation.
  • Supernaturally Young Parent: Hera, Demeter, and Mnemosyne. Their divine children look the same age as them. Calliope was this to her late son Orpheus who, as a demigod, ended up looking older than her.
  • Unresolved Sexual Tension: Thalia and Apollo, and Beta Couple Artemis and Athena.

Mount Parnassus

One of Apollo's sacred places. Recently home to his wards the Muses.

Thalia

The Muse of Comedy. Daughter of Mnemosyne along with the other eight Muses. A general theater goddess like all her sisters. Also a pastoral goddess. As the goddess of comedic theater, by extension the self-appointed Goddess of Happy Endings. Never married; no children. Was briefly involved with Hephaestus, but no one remembers that. Is not now nor has she ever been in a relationship with Apollo.

  • Allergic to Routine: Gets bored easily, hatches insane plans to relieve said boredom.
  • Berserk Button: “I AM THE GODDESS OF HAPPY ENDINGS!”
  • Better as Friends: Thalia and Hephaestus. Hardly anyone remembers that they used to date. Hephaestus is in love with Aphrodite in spite of her constant cuckolding, and Thalia is totally not in love with Apollo.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: She lives for laughter but can be pretty vicious, as shown when she threatens Eustachys.
  • Brainy Brunette: Just like the rest of her sisters.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Her thought processes and actions can get strange at times, much to Apollo's distress, ex: wedding peacocks. Also she once glued herself to her chair.
  • Comedic Sociopathy: Very fond of visiting it on anyone that annoys her, especially playwrights that pray for inspiration.
  • Cool Big Sis: Psyche on Thalia’s relationship with Eros:
    “I don’t even know who you are, but I can tell that you’re sort of a big sister figure to the creature. Maybe you’re an old family friend. You’re still more of a sister than an aunt, though. He picks on you, you pick on him, you two drive each other crazy. Sometimes you’re mortal enemies, and sometimes you’re partners in crime. I’ll bet you used to babysit him.”
  • Drill Sergeant Nasty: During her comedic theater boot camp. She even refers to them as ‘maggots’.
  • Everyone Can See It: The deep affection and attraction she and Apollo have for each other.
  • Fearless Fool: At times.
  • Friend to All Living Things: She was desperate to get a pet, before moving to Parnassus she often diverted hunter's arrows and in the spring taught the Mockingbirds to mock.
  • The Funny Guy: As the Muse of Comedy it comes in handy.
  • Genre Savvy: Goes with the job.
  • Immune to Fate: The Three Fates suspect she might be this, and they don't seem to like the idea.
  • Incredibly Inconvenient Deity: She tends to put her petitioners through hell before she deigns to grant them inspiration.
  • The Jester: As the muse of comedy, this role often falls to her when she visits Olympus. It is also the reason why Hera is well inclined toward her. The other reason may be that Thalia is not Zeus' offspring like so many other gods and goddesses.
  • Straight Man and Wise Guy: Apollo often ends up playing the straight man to Thalia's wise guy.
  • Zany Scheme: Whenever she gets bored she hatches up some crazy plan and often drags Apollo or others with her.

Apollo

Son of Zeus and Leto; twin brother of Artemis, his only full sibling. God of the sun, archery, prophecy, healing, science, and the performing arts. Once the god of herding, but hated that stupid job. Divine protector of young men. Governor of the Muses. Never married, but has been around the block. Father of the demigod Asclepius with the late mortal princess Coronis. Other notable mates include Daphne, Chione, and Hyacinthus. Is not now nor has he ever been in a relationship with Thalia.

Calliope

The Muse of Epic Poetry; goddess of eloquence; unofficial Lead Muse. Mother of the late demigod Orpheus with the late mortal king Oegrus, her only love. Mother of the Corybantes with Zeus, who seduced her in the guise of Apollo. The Corybantes claim Apollo and Thalia as their parents to protect Calliope from Hera’s wrath.

  • Brainy Brunette: Just like her mother and her sisters.
  • Cool Big Sis: Apparently, Calliope has ‘Ultimate Big Sister mode’.
  • I Just Want to Be Badass: Her affair with Ares was due to her desire to have some adventure in her life. And that Ares is hot.
  • Mama Bear: She almost blows the cover of Thalia being the mother of the Corybantes when Persephone insults the seven young gods and Calliope can’t help but verbally defend them.
    • And she desperately tried to storm the Elysian Fields when her demigod son Orpheus died.
  • Mayfly–December Romance: Her relationship with King Oegrius, the mortal father of her slain demigod son Orpheus.
  • Proper Lady
  • Questionable Consent: Some seem to refer her bad experience with Zeus as 'seduction", but she was rather drunk at the time and Zeus had shape shifted into someone she trusted and liked.
  • Silk Hiding Steel: Very prim and proper, but shows an iron spine and ingenuity in solving crises. She also totally has Ares the god of war whipped while dating him.
  • Supernaturally Young Parent: Her half mortal son Orpheus ended up looking older than her.
  • Team Mom: Calliope to the Muses and Apollo, though Mnemosyne was a very involved mother during her daughters' childhoods and complains that they don't call her often enough.
  • What Does She See in Him?: This is how her family and friends react to her affair with Ares.

Clio

The Muse of History. Official Historian of the Pantheon.

  • Brainy Brunette
  • Secret Keeper: Thanks to her magical, self-updating genealogical archives she is aware that the Corybantes are the children of Zeus and Calliope.

Erato

The Muse of Lyric Poetry, aka the goddess of silly love songs.

Euterpe

The Muse of Music.

Melpomene

The Muse of Tragedy.

  • Nightmare Fetishist: “I just want to see some logical, meaningful, entertaining death. Is that so much to ask?”
  • Noodle Incident: On one particular Pythian Games she and Thalia caused an unspecified accident while drunk because of being disappointed by the inept theater competitors of their division.

Polyhymnia

The Muse of Sacred Poetry. Writes songs to honor the other goddesses and gods.

  • Professional Buttkisser: Sounds like the description of her job when the majority of the gods are utterly awful but also prideful.

Terpsichore

The Muse of Dance.

  • Embarrassing Nickname: Thalia calls her and Euterpe 'The Twerps', but surprisingly enough neither of them minds. Calliope on the other hand does not think is very nice. Also Twinkle Toes from Aphrodite which likely bothers her more than Twerp.
  • Fate Worse than Death: Played for laughs in the beauty pageant, Aphrodite threatens her with eternal celibacy if Terpsichore interferes with the punishment of Psyche.
  • Friend to All Living Things: In their old museum which was surrounded by nature she used to teach the fawns to dance.

Urania

The Muse of Astronomy. Goddess of astrology. She is a theater goddess like her sisters, but unlike them, she’d rather be stargazing than performing.

Mount Olympus

The home of the majority of the gods and the royal court of Zeus and Hera. Rife with intrigue.

The Twelve

The Twelve powerful gods and goddesses enthroned in Olympus.

Zeus

King of the Gods. Created by the Titans Rhea and Cronus, whose throne he took when he defeated them and bound them in Tartarus. Most powerful of all the Olympian gods with the exception of Hera. God of the sky, thunder and lighting, and law and government. Married to Hera, but tends to forget this. Father of way too many, including Apollo and Artemis with Leto. Creator of Athena.

  • Abusive Parents: Takes the cake as one of the most abusive parents: Zeus has killed many of his demigod sons. He also mistreated Artemis and Apollo during their childhoods.
  • Bed Trick: So far has shape shifted twice into another form to get laid, and the people whose form he borrowed were his children.
  • Depraved Bisexual: And a rapist to boot.
  • Domestic Abuse: Big time with his treatment toward Hera as it seen straight in the second volume epilogue and the third volume.
  • Incest Subtext: A bit more than just subtext but he does shape shift into his children to have sex with their admirers.
  • Pervert Dad: To his sons as well as his daughters. He mocks Apollo for not making the Muses his harem, shape shifts as Apollo to seduce Calliope and as Artemis with Callisto, sexually harassed Apollo throughout his childhood, and almost raped Artemis.
  • Psycho Electro
  • Really Gets Around
  • Shock and Awe: His lightning bolts.
  • Your Cheating Heart: Needless to explain it?

Hera

Queen of the Gods. Created by the Titans Rhea and Cronus, whom she helped Zeus overthrow. Most powerful of the Olympian gods with the exception of Zeus. Goddess of marriage, motherhood, and prophecy. Faithfully but unhappily married to Zeus. Mother of Ares, Eris, Ilithyia, and Hebe with Zeus; sole progenitor of Hephaestus.

  • Abusive Parents: Chucked the infant Hephaestus from the top of Olympus because he was not up to her impossible standards of beauty.
  • Alpha Bitch: A straight example, being the queen of the gods and having her Girl Posse of Demeter and Hestia. Also she often puts down other gods and goddesses. She also often suffers humiliations due to her husband's chronic infidelities and having to put up with his bastard children on a daily basis.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Her nasty habit of tormenting Zeus' victims and their innocent bastard children.
  • Don't You Dare Pity Me!: She would gain a lot of sympathy if she did not go after Zeus' victims and their children, but does not seem to like to be pitied.
  • God Save Us from the Queen!: To Zeus' paramours, their children, and any of their sympathizers.
  • Seers
  • Good Adultery, Bad Adultery: Hera is having an affair with Ixion, though she and Ixion didn't carry out with the deed entirely yet.
    • Sympathetic Adulterer: Say what you want about her, as it doesn't absolve her from what she did to her victims, but Hera's interaction with Ixion shows how much you really want to hug her considering what Zeus really is...
  • Stepford Smiler: Uses her studied, dignified serenity to mask her deep unhappiness.
  • Wicked Stepmother: And how.
  • Woman Scorned
  • The Woman Wearing the Queenly Mask

Aphrodite

Parentage unknown. Goddess of love, beauty, and sex. Formerly married to Hephaestus, but ignored this fact as much as possible. Happily divorced. Notable lovers before and after the divorce include Ares, Hermes, and Dionysus. Mother of many, most likely not with Hephaestus. Adopted out all of her children except Eros, whom she raised with Hephaestus at his insistence.

Ares

Son of Zeus and Hera. God of war. Never married. Frequently involved with Aphrodite and many, many others. Numerous children, many (possibly including Eros) with Aphrodite.

Artemis

Daughter of Zeus and Leto; twin sister of Apollo. Was born first. Goddess of archery, hunting, animal protection, virgins, pregnant women, mountains, forests, wilderness, wildlife, and the moon. Divine protector of girls. Drives the moon across the night sky. Never married, no children; a sworn virgin. She and Athena are just very good friends.

Athena

Created by Zeus, no mother and technically no father. Goddess of wisdom, battle strategy, and crafting, particularly weaving. Never married, no children; a sworn virgin. She and Artemis are just very good friends.

Demeter

Created by the Titans Cronus and Rhea. Goddess of the earth, the harvest, and fertility. Never married. Was involved with both Zeus and Poseidon before their respective marriages. Rumored to still be involved with Poseidon, but denies this. Sole progenitor of Persephone.

Dionysus

Son of Zeus and Semele. God of drinking, partying, and general excessive hedonism. Unmarried. Father of many, including Priapus with Aphrodite. Past and present lovers include anything that moves and probably a few things that don’t.

  • Anything That Moves: Takes after his father in that regard, but so far has not displayed much overt malice
  • Brainless Beauty: While the popular opinion is that in the looks department he can rival Apollo himself, his brains are permanently soaked in wine.
  • Malicious Slander: Supposedly Orpheus was killed by his followers on his orders. Not that he cared much.

Hephaestus

Son of Hera. God of fire and the forge, official Smith of the Gods, inventor of nearly all the gods’ trademark weapons, general engineer of the Pantheon. Known for walking with a limp and requiring the use of a cane. Regarded as the least physically attractive of the gods. Divorced from Aphrodite. Happily married to Aglaea. Legal father of Aphrodite’s son Eros. Father of the city of Athens. Was once involved with Thalia, but no one remembers that.

  • Better as Friends: Thalia and Hephaestus. Hardly anyone remembers that they used to date. Hephaestus is in love with Aphrodite in spite of her constant cuckolding, and Thalia is totally not in love with Apollo.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: As the Net Incident attests.
  • Handicapped Badass: He might be crippled and pitied but he is the one that makes weapons and the God of Fire.
  • Hollywood Homely: People disparage his looks but his love life, a Muse and a beautiful demigoddess that was made a beauty goddess seem to suggest otherwise.
  • Nice Guy
  • Politeness Judo: While a nice guy he is rather passive-aggressive.
  • Replacement Goldfish: Both Aphrodite (his former wife) and Aglaea (his current wife) are blondes and they have green eyes (although their personalities couldn't be more different if they were making a conscious effort at it).
  • Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: How Aphrodite saw her marriage to him. Hephaestus is considered the least attractive of the Olympians, especially compared to his brother Ares. However, it's implied that this designation is highly relative note .
  • Ultimate Blacksmith

Hermes

Son of Zeus and the nymph Maia. God of merchants, thieves, travelers, herding, and astrology. Once god of music, a title he traded with Apollo for god of herding. Official Messenger of the Gods. Never married. Frequent lover of Aphrodite. Steals Apollo’s girlfriends whenever he gets the chance. Father of many, including Pan with the dryad Penelope, and possibly Eros with Aphrodite.

Hestia

Created by the Titans Cronus and Rhea. Goddess of the hearth and home. Never married, no children; a sworn virgin.

The Rest of the Gods residing on Olympus

Aglaea

Daughter of the demigod Asclepius and the goddess Epione; youngest of their nine children. Goddaughter of Thalia. Goddess of healing by birth. A physician like her parents. Made a full goddess by Hera and appointed a fellow beauty goddess by Aphrodite. Married to Hephaestus.

  • The Medic: And a very good one, given both nature and nurture.

Eris

Daughter of Zeus and Hera; twin sister of Ares. Goddess of Discord. Never married, no children.

Eros

Son of Aphrodite. Her ex-husband Hephaestus claims Eros as his son, though the biological father is either Ares or Hermes. Eros will claim whatever parentage is convenient at the moment. God of romantic love. Eternal adolescent. Married to Psyche.

  • Batman Gambit: Used it effectively on Apollo and Thalia
  • Chivalrous Pervert: (Pre-marriage) has no problem with flirting with goddesses (even then his attempts were met with mild annoyance at most), but was a perfect gentleman when protecting Psyche from his mother's wrath despite having her in a secluded place all to himself. Now that he's married, the perverted part has faded.
  • Genius Ditz: Learned engineering on Hephaestus’ knee, designs his arrows and other paraphernalia himself.
    • Ultimate Blacksmith: Eros inherited some of Hephaestus' skill, but since his biological father is probably either Ares or Hermes, it's likely more nurture than nature.
  • Happily Adopted: Everyone is aware that Hephaestus is not his father, but they still have a very loving and supportive relationship. Thalia notes that Eros is much better off with Hephaestus as his father figure than with the likely bio dad candidates, Ares and Hermes.
  • Happily Married: To Psyche, and the Fates say that he will stay loyal to her.
  • Immortal Immaturity: Both he and Psyche are eternal teenagers.
  • Thinks Like a Romance Novel: Well he is a teenage love god.

Hebe

Daughter of Zeus and Hera. Goddess of Youth. Zeus’ cupbearer, whenever he hasn’t replaced her with his latest love toy.

Helios

Created by the Titans Uranus and Gaia as the original sun god and counterpart to Selene, the moon goddess. Retired when Apollo was appointed sun god. Came out of retirement when Apollo was suspended for a year and sentenced to hard labor. Retains the job of driving the sun now that Apollo is busy governing the Muses. Married to Rhoda.

Ilithyia

Daughter of Zeus and Hera. Goddess of childbirth.

  • Mommy's Girl: Very obedient to Hera and ensured that Leto would have a very hard time birthing her twins.

Psyche

A mortal-born empath. Granted immortality and appointed Goddess of Psychology (a study she invented) by Hera. Eternal adolescent. Married to Eros.

  • Ditzy Genius: Figuring out a goddess’ psychological issues without ever actually meeting her was clever. Pointing them out to her in front of everyone, not so much.
    Psyche: It sounds like you might have some unresolved issues. Have you considered the idea that your promiscuity is your way of establishing autonomy, something you’ve never truly had?
    Aphrodite: Have you considered that I could snap my fingers and make sure you die a lonely, bitter, virgin crone, you presumptuous little bitch? [1]
  • The Empath
  • Immortal Immaturity
  • Hidden Depths: She is very much aware of how annoying the rest of the pantheon finds her. And she says that she is aware that the things she says to other more powerful gods can get her in trouble but points out that someone needs to say these things to them.
  • The Shrink: Type 3. She helps Artemis work through issues from her abusive childhood, which lets Artemis finally acknowledge her love for Athena and start a relationship with her.

Selene

Created by the Titans Uranus and Gaia as the original moon goddess, a counterpart to the sun god Helios. Semi-retired. Sometimes substitute drives when fellow moon goddess Artemis wants vacation time. In a…relationship?…with Endymion, an eternally comatose human. Numerous children by him.

Gods and inhabitants of Hades

The Corybantes

Identical septuplet sons of Calliope and Zeus. Little is known about their nature. They refuse individual names and seem to share a collective mind. They claim Zeus created them to keep vigil at his altar. Instead, they have allied themselves to their grandmother, Mnemosyne, and her Mysteries. They reject Zeus as their father and instead claim Apollo. To protect Calliope from Hera’s wrath, they claim Thalia as their mother.

Hades

Created by the Titans Cronus and Rhea. King of the Underworld, which bears his name. God of death, the dead, and metals and ores. Married to his co-ruler, Persephone. Contrary to rumors, the infamous “abduction” was her idea. Adopted father of Adonis, which was also Persephone’s idea.

Mnemosyne

Created by the Titans Uranus and Gaia. Guardian of Lake Mnemosyne and the Mysteries. Goddess of Memory. Keeper of the memories of the dead. Never married; romantic history is full of varied and unverified rumors. Contrary to the most prevalent, she was never involved with Zeus. The sole progenitor of the Nine Muses.

Persephone

Daughter of Demeter. Queen of the Underworld. Goddess of spring, nature, and death. A guardian of the Mysteries. Wife of Hades and co-ruler of his realm. Contrary to rumors, she loved Hades from the beginning and faked her own abduction to marry him against her mother’s orders. Adopted mother of Adonis, which was Aphrodite’s crazy idea.

Poseidon's Realm

Amphitrite

Parentage unknown; possible sister of Aphrodite. Goddess of the Sea. Consort of Poseidon. Mother of Triton with Poseidon. Legal mother of Rhoda with Poseidon, who is really Aphrodite’s but everyone pretends they’ve forgotten that.

  • Love Potion: Is widely believed that she is still under a love spell.
  • Unwanted Spouse: She plead Hera to dissolve her marriage and she is this to Poseidon.

Poseidon

Created by Cronus and Rhea. King of the Ocean Realm. God of the sea and horses. Married to Amphitrite. Unsuccessfully pursued both Hestia and Persephone. Rumored to be involved with Demeter, who denies the rumors. Children include, but are not limited to, Triton with Amphitrite and Rhoda with Aphrodite.

  • Unwanted Spouse: Poseidon is this to Amphitrite, but lately Poseidon began to have the same stigma as he desired Beroe as his new wife.
  • Your Cheating Heart: Like his original counterpart, he shares his libido with Zeus as he canonically had an affair with Aphrodite in the series.

Rhoda

The result of an affair between Poseidon and Aphrodite. Adopted by Amphitrite, Poseidon’s wife, and raised as her own. General aquatic goddess. Married to Helios.

Triton

Son of Poseidon and Amphitrite. Prince of the Ocean Realm. God of the sea and merpeople. A merman himself, though both of his parents are bipedal. Once romantically involved with Thalia. Now happily married to Galataeia, with whom he has several daughters.

THE FATES

Triplet goddesses who decide the fortunes of all, including the Olympians. Origin, parentage, and race unknown.

Clotho

Spins the thread of life.

Lachesis

Determines the length of each thread with her measuring rod.

Atropos

Cuts the threads with her shears, determining if and when each life will end.

Everyone Else

Asclepius

Demigod son of Apollo and Coronis. God of healing and medicine. Married to Epione; father of her sons Machaon, Podaleirios, and Telesphoros, and daughters Panacea, Hygenia, Meditrina, Iaso, Aceso, and Aglaea.

Echo

A nymph formerly in the service of one of Zeus’ paramours. As punishment for distracting Hera during her mistress’s trysts, Hera cursed Echo so that she could only repeat the words of others, never speaking her own words. Former lover, Narcissus, starved to death staring at his own reflection. Currently in a relationship with Pan.

Epione

Goddess of soothing. Married to Asclepius; mother of his sons Machaon, Podaleirios, and Telesphoros, and daughters Panacea, Hygenia, Meditrina, Iaso, Aceso, and Aglaea.

Eustychus

A mortal playwright who frequently petitions Thalia for her blessings. As flies to wanton boys is he to the goddess.

Io

A demigoddess whom Eros caused to fall in love with Zeus. Hera found out about the affair, turned her into a cow, and sent a giant gadfly to torment her. Mother of Epaphus with Zeus.

Leto

Mother to Apollo and Artemis and the reason the Pythian Games exist.

Pan

Satyr; son of Hermes and the dryad Penelope. Pastoral god. Currently in a shockingly committed relationship with Echo.

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     First Appearing in Volume Two: Snarled Threads 

Adonis

Adopted son of Hades and Persephone.
  • Early-Bird Cameo: Shows up as an infant in the epilogue of A Snag In The Tapestry.
  • Hidden Depths: Adonis appears to be just another sex crazed teenage party boy. But Thalia overhears him discuss reincarnation and give a fairly good theory on Aphrodite's lack of memories on her childhood. Which is surprisingly deep and show more education in philosophy than one would expect of him.

Callisto

A nymph in Artemis’ band of hunters. Single, no children; in love with Artemis.

Endymion

A handsome mortal shepherd loved by the goddess Selene, who enchanted him into an eternal slumber so she can “visit” him whenever she wants. “Visit” means what you think it means. Father of innumerable children with Selene. Doesn’t know about any of them because he’s unconscious.

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