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All of the characters listed here are in one way or another expies or parodies of iconic Star Trek/Star Wars/ Sci-fi- characters in general.

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The Crew of the space ship U.S.S. Ente

     Captain Captenne Capitanöse 

An elderly, quirky, irresponsible woman who bears a striking resemblance to the character Frau Lehrerin from Coldmirrors other webshow Japanoschlampen.


  • Alliterative Name: Captenne Capitanöse.
  • Bad Boss: She never listens to her second-in-command Dave, has no problem with sacrificing other crew members and cares more for her miniature cacti than her crew.
  • Expy: Of Captain Katherine Janeway from the series Star Trek - Voyager.
  • Idiot Hero: She recruits a xenomorph as the Entes' new mechanic in the first episode. Said xenomorph had previously attacked and killed the crew of the U.S.S Nostromo, but since he was carrying the name tag of one of the deceased crew members (Hans-Rudi) she mistakenly believed he was part of the crew and had managed to fend the intruder off by himself.
  • Interspecies Romance: She has the hots for Lieutenant Miffi, or at least shows signs of attraction every now and then.
  • The Captain: Not a very good one, though.
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     First Officer Commander Stach Lee 
A cactus Captain Capitanöse brought with her from the academy. It somehow managed to become the first officer of the Ente.

     Commander Dave 
The second-in-command of the Ente. Half of his face is covered by a metal plate.
  • Beleaguered Assistant: To Captain Capitanöse.
  • Butt-Monkey: Almost every episode has him insulted, injured or otherwise abused.
  • Cassandra Did It: When something goes wrong, the captain tends to blame him for it. Even though most of the time he tried to warn her beforehand.
  • Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: He tries his best to keep the captain out of trouble. He fails most of the time, but he still tries.
  • Kind Hearted Cat Lover: He states that "cute waving cats" are his favorite thing.
  • Nice Guy: Probably the only one out of the crew.
  • No Respect Guy: Despite his high rank, he's frequently mocked and ridiculed by the other crew members, especially A.R.S.C.H..
  • Only Sane Man: Dave is often the only one to notice and point out imminent danger.
  • Repetitive Name: If his gravestone is anything to go by, his full name is "Dave Dave Dave Dave". Then again, ARSCH put it there.
  • Running Gag: Often gets told how ugly he is by Captain Capitanöse and/or A.R.S.C.H..
  • Wide-Eyed Idealist: He genuinely believes in the Entes mission to go where no man has gone before and explore strange, new worlds. Not for the money, but for their lust for adventure. As Captain Capitanöse is quick to inform him, he is the only one aboard that does.

     Assistierendes Refraktäres Synthetisches Computer Hirn 9000 (A.R.S.C.H 9000) 
A highly intelligent robot who serves as Captain Capitanöses left hand man. Hates all humans, especially Dave.
  • A.I. Is a Crapshoot: He works as an assistant android on a space ship, but he can't stand organic life and would rather watch humans get killed or maimed in horrific ways than help them.
  • Ambiguously Bi: He's had a short relationship with a (supposedly female) bacteria colony and his "hatred" for commander Dave is heavily implied to be some form of Belligerent Sexual Tension.
  • Composite Character: His design is obviously inspired by HAL 9000, his personality however brings GLaDOS to mind. His love for vulgar jokes (and his name) is taken from Ass.
  • Cyber Cyclops: Has one gigantic red eye.
  • Fun with Acronyms: His name spells out the German word for ass.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: Pulls one in episode 11, where he lets Dave activate his self-destruct mode in order to save the crew from an armed criminal. He survives, but loses his memories for a short time.
  • Hidden Heart of Gold: Despite his frequent claims that he hates all humans (especially Dave) he never actively harms anyone on board the Ente. That doesn't mean he won't laugh at their misery, though.
  • Jerkass: He's a sociopathic sadist and a bully.
  • Kill All Humans: He despises humans and relishes in their death and misery.
  • Killer Robot: What he would like to be.
  • Ridiculously Human Robot: Why would anyone program an assistant-android that hates humans and actually has the ability to get bored?
  • Running Gag: A.R.S.C.H. gets excited every time something bad happens to a human, but quickly backpedals when confronted about it.
  • Verbal Tic: Has a tendency to stretch out the A in Daves name.
  • Worf Had the Flu: He can't do anything to stop the Alpha-Muroids in episode 14 because his gears are full of small animal bedding.

     Security Chief Lieutenant Miffi 
The Entes' chief of security. He belongs to the species of the Alpha-Muroids and always carries a gigantic laser canon with him.
  • Badass Adorable: He may look cute and cuddly, but he's probably one of the strongest crew members and he knows how to handle a gun.
  • BFG: Carries a huge laser-rifle with him at all times.
  • Culture Justifies Anything: Played for laughs. His species has a long list of obscure, gross and sometimes straight-up horrifying traditions that he abides by wherever he goes, including, but not limited to: eating their own excrement, marking territory by urinating on it and eating their young and fallen.
  • Hates Being Called Cute: At least on Ente-Day.
  • My Country, Right or Wrong: Subverted. When two other Alpha-Muroids try to take over the Ente in episode 14, they try to pull this on him by calling him "tamed" and ask him how long he's had to suppress his natural urge to fight while living with the humans. He agrees that it has been a while since he had a real fight - then proceeds to fight them.
  • Proud Warrior Race Guy: Played for laughs. His species the Alpha-Muroids are a race of strong and capable warriors who look like cute little mice and have the names to match.
  • Vocal Evolution: His debut episode had his voice deepened by a software. By the fourth episode, coldmirror is doing a Guttural Growler voice without any technical help.
  • Worf Had the Flu: He's unable to arrest the mugger in episode 11 because he left his laser-rifle in the rest room after taking selfies with it of all things.

     Chief Engineer "Hans-Rudi" 
A Xenomorph who functions as the ships chief engineer. He was recruited by the captain personally after she mistook him for Hans-Rudi, the captain of the U.S.S Nostromo (whom he had previously killed).
  • Instant Expert: Somehow manages to do tasks successfully by just hitting some buttons.
  • Mistaken Identity: "Hans-Rudi" is the astronaut who got killed by this alien creature. Because he had his nametag attached to him, the Captain thought it was the name of the creature. Since then, everyone calls him that way.
  • Running Gag: He never actually speaks, yet somehow Captain Capitanöse can understand what he's saying and even interprets some of it as genuinely good advice.
  • Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Noone really cares that a bloodthirsty alien creature is part of the crew. The others also just turn a blind eye to him murdering the other crewmembers.
  • Xenomorph Xerox: Duh.
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