Our main character. A backwoods squid, inbred to the point of blacking out, and has a temper ready to go off at the slightest provocation.
- Abhorrent Admirer: To any female he fancies, but mostly Glenn's Wife.
- Abusive Parents: Shooting Rusty, stabbing him, punching him, using his skin on a taxidermy model...yeah.
- Ax-Crazy: He's one crazy violent hillbilly.
- Butt-Monkey: He becomes this in many episodes due to his Too Dumb to Live status.
- The Chew Toy: Especially in the later seasons.
- Comedic Sociopath: Abusive psycho, yes. But damn if it ain't hilarious.
- Couch Gag: His hats
- Cloud Cuckoolander: A combination of being a backwoods idiot, chemical and alcohol consumption of inhuman levels, and several decades in prison has left him with a...unique mindset.
- Everyone Has Standards: Early will go to insane and moronic lengths to protest or support most anything. But marrying a bear to protest gay marriage is too insane even for him.
- Expy: He's basically the character of Unknown Hinson in Cephalopod form.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: Dougal County knows full well there's no predicting what will set Early off. Insults, compliments, defying him, not defying him...
- Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: Had a pretty wicked mane before going to jail.
- Hermaphrodite: "Ballad of the Latrine Marine" reveals that he is both 50% boy and girl. He's a squid, after all.
- Humiliation Conga: The episode "Dewey Two-ey". Much of the episode is spent with Dewey Jr. making Early's life a complete living hell for him. Though Early is a massive dick and likely deserves most of it.
- Jerkass: Oh, big time. And that's putting it VERY mildly.
- Karma Houdini: Often, he does suffer for what he does occasionally and he has been arrested many, many times, but the sheriff lets him out just as often, this pretty much applies to every criminal in Dougal County.
- Averted way more often starting in Season 4, while he's still let go pretty easily by the Sherrif, more times than not he suffers from a pretty bloody case of Laser-Guided Karma.
- Knife Nut: His usual weapon of choice, when not sporting his shotgun.
- Laser-Guided Karma: Gets this a lot, especially in episodes after season 4, usually in the form of an incredibly bloody injury or flat out death.
- Malaproper: His speechanating consistafies of addifying extra verbatages on the end of his wordamating.
- Nice Hat: A seemingly endless collection of them.
- Sawn-Off Shotgun: His favored Weapon of Choice.
- They Killed Kenny Again: He dies very often.
- Trigger Happy: His trigger finger is perpetually itchy.
- Villain Protagonist: Pretty much.
- Yandere: For Krystal.
Ruby Jean "Granny" Cuyler
Early and Lil's mom (Or grandmother, as no one is really sure, not even her). A perverted, senile old squid with a walker.
- Ascended Extra: Just appeared for 1 scene each, during the first two episodes. Somewhere around the 3rd episode, she came to live with Early, becoming a regular character.
- Butt-Monkey: If Rusty isn't incurring Early's wrath, she is.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: Of the kooky old lady variety.
- Dirty Old Woman: Big time.
- The Dog Bites Back: Whenever she gets the upperhand over Early, she almost always enacts her revenge. Such as in "Tortuga de Mentiras", where she kills Early with a sniper rifle.
- Everything's Squishier with Cephalopods
- Ill Girl: She's perpetually on the brink of death with one thing or another.
- Racist Grandma: Can't stand white people, or as she calls them "Chalkies".
- Scatterbrained Senior: Tends to forget what she's talking about in mid sentence...of course, she likely wasn't making much sense to begin with.
- Too Dumb to Live: She brings it on herself sometimes.
- Younger Than They Look: In one episode she says she's only 47, and implies that her lifestyle has aged her significantly. It's implied that a few days of *hospital* food has improved her physical health incredibly.
Early's dimwitted, but more well meaning and kindhearted son.
- Good Parents: Albeit a bumbling and idiotic one, but unlike Early, he loves his offspring. And tries providing for him in his own boneheaded way.
- Half-Human Hybrid: Squid father, human mother.
- Hilariously Abusive Childhood: The kid has been a Butt-Monkey since he was born.
- Jerkass: Given his upbringing, it's no surprise that he has moments of cruelty. In one episode, he threatened Granny with a knife. In another episode, he rolled a limbless Early down the street until Early threw up from motion sickness.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Has his moments. He genuine loves his family and often expresses doubt at his families more morally questionable actions.
- Only Sane Man: Not on a consistent basis, but he's the only one even approaching this trope on the show.
- Overly Long Name: His full name is Russell Jesse James Kenny the gambler Rogers #3 the intimidator Dale Earnhardt America's Number 1 Cuyler.
- Raised by Wolves...horribly.
- Token Good Team Mate: The closest thing to one. While he can be just as cruel as his family he tends to be the one to object to his families more evil acts.
- Too Dumb to Live: Though a little smarter about it than Early and Granny.
- "Well Done, Son!" Guy
Early's frequently passed out, meth making (and meth using) sister.
- Demoted to Extra: Courtesy of being passed out almost every episode.
- Really Gets Around: Not as much as Krystal, but she still gets around. In "Green and Sober" alone, she does Ellis(Three times) the guitar player of the band, a mans wife, and a pervert from the Reverends addict group.
- The Smart Guy: By Cuyler standards, anyway. She's the only one smart enough to know how to run the meth lab. In one episode, her constant state of being passed out is revealed to be a cover for her running a marijuana grow farm run by naked illegal Mexican immigrants in a massive space underneath the Cuyler house, as she communicates with her workers through a hole in the floor.
- Throw the Dog a Bone: Finally becomes sober in "Green and Sober"
- The Voiceless: Has largely become this.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: According to Early, "She ain't wore a shirt since 89".
Sharif the Sheriff
The rather hapless, useless, and frequently killed lawman of Dougal County.
- Ascended Extra: He's practically one of the main characters as of now.
- Beware the Nice Ones: He has his moments of abrasiveness. Such as when he threatened Early at gunpoint to learn how to read.
- Butt-Monkey: Is frequently bullied and injured by the likes of Early and Dan Halen.
- The Dog Bites Back: He shoots Dan Halen in the head with a gun for bullying him in high school in the episode "Class of '86".
- Expendable Clone: Frequently killed and replaced by clones.
- Extreme Doormat: Early takes full advantage of the Sheriff's kindness.
- No Respect Guy: Likely the least-respected character in the whole show.
- Police are Useless: Just the way Dan Halen likes it.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: He's probably the only living thing that would consider Early a friend.
- We Have Reserves: The whole Dougal County police force is made of clones, meaning Sheriffs are easily expendable.
Deputy DennyA tiny, malformed Sheriff clone, and basically the Sheriff's right hand man.
- Characterization Marches On: In his first appearance, he's even more half-witted than the regular Sheriff. Following appearances turn him into a borderline Hypercompetent Sidekick.
- Number Two: To whatever Sheriff clone is currently in service.
CEO of Dan Halen Sheetrock International. An evil little bugger, who can get away with just about any evil thing he wants.
- Barbie Doll Anatomy: He claims his junk is retractable.
- Barefoot Cartoon ... Whatever It Is He's Supposed To Be
- Big Bad: At least when Early isn't.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: He owns the biggest corporation in Dougal County, and takes full advantage of it.
- Evil Redhead: Has red hair and has done some seriously deplorable actions throughout the show.
- Evil Sounds Deep: Has a deep sounding voice and possibly the only character more evil than Early.
- Expy: Of Mr. Burns with a voice similar to Sideshow Bob's.
- Faux Affably Evil: He's very well spoken and witty for being such a despicable individual.
- Hate Sink: The most irredeemable character in the whole show bar Early and has little to no sympathetic qualities to justify it.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: All of his deaths have been this in some form.
- I'm a Humanitarian: Has shown cannibalistic qualities from time to time.
- Karma Houdini: Can avoid almost every punishment due to the amount of power he has over everyone.
- Laser-Guided Karma: You can count the times he's got what he deserves on one hand. He even lampshades in one episode where died because of his scam that he declared "I've received my comeuppance at last!"
- In the episodes: "Mud Days and Confused", "Class of '86", and "Granite Caverns", he suffers a Karmic Death.
- He also likely perishes in "Flight of the Deep Fried Pine Booby", where we last see him hogtied inside his burning building.
- In "The Inkubator Lives!" he gets beaten up by Rusty.
- In the episodes: "Mud Days and Confused", "Class of '86", and "Granite Caverns", he suffers a Karmic Death.
- Naked People Are Funny: Wears no clothes and is Laughably Evil.
- No Knees: Exemplied literally as one episode shows his struggles with his kneeless anatomy and shows off the one cause he genuinely cares about: Helping people who like him, were born without knees... of which he is the only member of it (the last and only member was an old guy who lost his legs, to which Halen didn't approve as while he wasn't born with knees he WAS born with feet and legs, which he promptly uses to literally kick said man out).
- Out of Focus: While still appearing often, Dan Halen's prominence has been slowly diminishing.
- Pet the Dog: In "The War on the War of Christmas" he gives in, along with everyone else into Early's commands if it meant that Early wont kill Randy Cuyler via, throwing him off from the top of the building-sized Christmas tree. He was also the first person to grab the Christmas tree when it began to tilt downwards, urging everyone else to do the same. Ironically enough, this is one of the few episodes where Dan Halen dies.
- Time Abyss: He's existed since the beginning of recorded history.
KrystalA monstrously fat, monstrously ugly, and monstrously skanky freeloader, who lives in the local junkyard.
- Does Not Like Shoes: Not like she could find any that fit anyway.
- Lazy Bum: So much so, the county declared her a local landmark.
- Really Gets Around: In Early's words, she's "Done the Unskinny Bop" with practically every living being in Dougal County...and Charlie Sheen.
Hezikiah Ray Cuyler (AKA:Gaga Pee Pap "Twelve Gun" Cuyler)
Early and Lil's freewheeling, criminal grandfather(Or father). Apparently raised the both of them before running off to who knows where.
- Bi the Way: Pretty much says it himself.Gaga: Hey now, I said related is fine but it's gotta be a woman! I ain't into boys...as much.
- Catchphrase: "I got you again!" and "Allegedly!"
- Incurable Cough of Death: Got the cancer from his "Healthy Sticks".
White Sheep of the Cuyler clan. Got a GED, and ran off to the big city, marrying a white woman.
- Interspecies Romance: Married(Rather unhappily apparently) to a human woman named Fiona.
- Not So Different: Like his backwoods kin, he has no job, refers to cash as "Leafy, greeny, spendy money" and isn't above scamming the welfare department for a check.
- Where Da White Women At?
- White Sheep
Early's perpetually uninterested and abused coworker.
- Butt-Monkey: He is frequently roped in by Early's shenanigans and is often humiliated by Dan Halen.
- A Day in the Limelight: "Trucked Up 2: Glenn's Revenge".
- Dull Surprise: Even when he's getting his ass whipped.
- Straight Man: When paired with Early, most notably in "Limbitless".
- Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: According to Early, anyway. What with his frequent lusting after his wife.
- Vocal Evolution: Had a much higher voice in early episodes, compared to the deep baritone he developed later.
A gap toothed, more sane minded redneck girl, and Rusty's first girlfriend. Also the mother of his son, Macho Man Randy Cuyler.
- Closer to Earth: Compared to...damn near everyone else in Dougal County, she's got a level head on her shoulders.
- Incest Is Relative: Finds out a little late that she and Rusty share the same mother.
- Possibly implied by she and her dad sleeping in the same bed. If they did more than just sleeping in there, it's not stated.
Unlucky proprietor of the local convenience store, and frequent victim of robberies from Early.
- Butt-Monkey: Robbed almost daily by Early, usually getting his hand blown off before it's over.
- Character Tic: He's so conditioned from robberies, that he frequently talks with his hands held up.
- Killed Off for Real: When his VA Pete Smith retired, he was permanently offed in the season 11 premiere.
Glenn's wife Donna and the object of Early's perverse obsession when he's not chasing Krystal
- All There in the Script: Her name being Donna doesn't come up very often in the show, but it's there if you look for it.
- Informed Attractiveness: Downplayed mostly due to the artstyle, but she is noted to be looking finer than hell by Early.
- Your Cheating Heart: Shockingly she even though she tells Glenn that she hates Early and that he's just a stalker, she asks him to call her right as he and Rusty leave the couples property. On another occasion, she sucks a dying Early's toes when asked without too much resistance.