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Characters / Smashmuck Champions

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Planet Muck is host to a healthy variety of weird critters and folk. These are the guys you see duking it out in the SmashMuck arenas.

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The Game Master

The magical mysterious, unseen adjudicator of SmashMuck, he sees to it that the rules are followed, play is fair, and that the gratuitous violence is kept within the legal threshold allowed to the game.

Coach Wedge

A friendly SmashMuck coach.

Simon Welk

A tiny, ill-tempered businessman who prides himself on his army of mechanical minions and regularly spends a fortune on his SmashMuck League. Gets rather disappointed when they lose—or really, when nothing goes his way.

  • Corrupt Corporate Executive: He has been responsible for creating and/or recruiting some of the more questionable Champions into the League, among other shady activities.
    • In order to save his precious Welk Tower from destruction by Kilowatt, a super-weapon his company created, unleashed the insane beast onto Hub City.
  • The Napoleon: What he lacks in height, he makes up for in sheer, unbridled anger and a superiority complex. That he is the "Big Man" in his company certainly doesn't help.

Champions focused on brute force or insidious, lethal tactics. Your front-liner troops, these guys can take a hit and return it in kind, or cut down the enemy before they even realize they were there.


"Brutus SMASH!"

The greatest warrior of the Muck Caverns, Brutus left his home to seek bigger and better challenges. His adventures eventually lead him to the Clobberdome.


"No mercy..."

A Muckataur, once the fierce Guardian of Ancient Muck, Minos was defeated by Brutus, went on a fierce rampage destroying everything the Muck Warrior loved, then was consequently imprisoned for his crimes.

He awakens from his slumber centuries later thanks to Simon Welk's latest scheme, survives and becomes a Champion with Coach Wedge's help because he is, in his words, "Homeless and full of rage." and because it "Sounds like fun!"







While these Champions may not be able to force their way into enemy territory, they can certainly keep them from doing it to your team.






"Hear my voice."

An Animate Magical Statue, Rook becomes alive every time there's a match and goes back to being just a regular old statue immediately afterward. Though Rook is made of stone, she is a girl.



"It's sprout!"

A bizarre, tiny plant born from a mysterious seed, Spourt spent most of his life as the main attraction in a Flotsam, Jetsam, and Bile Curiosity Shoppe, watching TV from his cage, particularly SmashMuck. Customers and children came from all over the city to watch him imitate the moves he saw.

Bile, jealous of the attention he was getting, devoured Sprout whole, but the plant managed to punch and fight his way out of Bile's gut and to freedom. Attracted by the bright lights, he entered the arena through a side door, met Scathe, one of the most powerful and dangerous champions, and consequently beat him by clubbing his toe then knocking him out with a fierce uppercut.

Much to Bile's dismay, he became an instant hit.

  • Ascended Fan Boy: Used to watch SmashMuck on TV, now he's a Champion in the Arena.



While not the strongest in raw power, nor are they capable of lasting long under prolonged onslaught, these Champions are nonetheless a vital part of the team, manipulating the battlefield and their enemies, and performing feats no other Champion can.


Blitz (and Beast)

Dr. Jennifer (and Mr. Bite)

"Let's begin."

A Shark with a PhD in Murder, Dr. Jennifer was set to become the new dean of the College of Inhumanities at Blunderbuss University ("More bang for your education buck!") till Dr. Trip showed up and quickly began threatening and poisoning his way up the ranks, stealing her beloved position.

She was dismissed after biting the university president's head off during a heated argument, developed a lethal robotic alter-ego, Mr. Bite, and quickly found a new home in the Arena, where she uses her superior intelligence and education to figure out new and inventive ways to rack up a bigger body-count.


(auto-tuned) "Yeah!"

Once part of the "perfect" all girl, all robot supergroup of sugary pop bliss, the Sprocket Girls, Melody was the "bad girl" of the group. She proved to be too well-engineered when in their first concert, she cranked her amp up to 11, played an ear-blistering solo, then smashed her keytar all before the end of the first song. She now plays exclusively in the SmashMuck arenas.

She is also responsible for awakening VooGhoul from his eternal slumber, and his joining the league. (She said she'd only date Champions.)

  • Auto-Tune: Engineered to be the perfect sugar pop-star. It was inevitable, really.
  • Fembot
  • Gone Horribly Right: She was the perfect "bad girl" for the perfect "all-girl, all robot band" of "sugary pop bliss" which meant she disagreed with absolutely everything the band stood for (like not hospitalizing and/or killing their audience) and left ASAP.
  • Instrument of Murder: Melody's default weapon of choice is a keytar. Her playing is so loud it causes sonic waves.



"Yes, Father, I shall become... a unicorn!"

His parents murdered when he was but a puggle, the future seemed bleak till Platimus chanced by a TV playing the hit children's show, "My Unicorn Pals." Inspired by Allycorn, Sundog, Waffles, and Ponietta's merrily prancing about the Heartsong Kingdom, he knew what he needed to become to avenge his parents... a unicorn!

Platimus stalked Hub City's dark alleyways, lobbing eggs and freshy hatched puggles at it's criminal underbelly till he caught wind of Nexi, the Queen of CrimSyn, joining SmashMuck. Seeing a golden opportunity to shake up crime, the Platicorn goes after her.


Dr. Trip


A former test-subject for Welk Industries, an injection of a potential cure for Athlete's Foot gave this hamster super-intelligence. A scientist dressed him up in a lab-coat, left him by some beakers, then left the room to get his camera. By the time he got back, the horror that is Dr. Trip was born.

Turning his former testers into the test subjects, Dr. Trip was eventually flushed out of Welk Tower. With a burning desire to continue his experiments but no funds nor subjects to do them, he joins SmashMuck for a steady supply of both.

  • Killer Rabbit: He looks ridiculous, has a monocle, and wears socks with sandals. He is extremely dangerous, shockingly fast, and will likely subject you to a horrible, horrible death.
  • For Science!: Whether it be out of sadism or a genuine interest in advancing his field, Dr. Trip never passes up the opportunity for an experiment, no matter how questionable, ethical, or legal.


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