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SCP-004-J - Stan from Accounting
  • Boring, but Practical: The Foundation contains Stan by hiring him to work in the containment site's Accounts Payable office, and keeps him employed by giving him annual raises and positive performance reviews.
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  • Meaningless Meaningful Words: Stan causes anyone in his vicinity to start talking about growing a business using corporate buzzwords while impairing their ability to think critically. Not even SCP-682 is immune.

SCP-006-J - WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING

  • Big Creepy-Crawlies: Very fucking creepy. Very fucking crawly.
  • Felony Misdemeanor: They're just insects but everyone freaks out at the sight of them.
    Object Class: KETER OH GOD KILL IT
  • Only Sane Man: One of the doctors — clearly not an entomophobe — points out that it's not even that big and demonstrates its utter harmlessness by walking right up to it. This act of bravery gets him promoted to Site Director. By An O5 Council Member.

SCP-008-J - Geoff

  • Absurdly Ineffective Barricade: No matter how well-guarded, well-fortified, or plain inaccessible a facility is, Geoff finds a way.
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  • The Cat Came Back: Geoff is this to Commander Price, showing up at places where Price is dealing with a situation, and only when Commander Price is there.
  • How Is That Even Possible?: Commander Price keeps asking this whenever Geoff shows up where he shouldn't be. In order: a facility whose fake storefront he'd been hired to do electric work on, another fake storefront where he had used the bathroom, and an underwater facility at a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean!
  • Nice Guy: Is quite friendly towards Commander Price, even after Price pulled a gun on him during their second encounter. Geoff just sees these meetings as a series of amusing coincidences, and even sends Price a friend request on Facebook.
  • Plot-Driven Breakdown: Geoff shows up at the worst possible times; the first and third times are containment breaches, and the second time is when the facility is being actively raided by Chaos Insurgency.
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  • Ridiculously Average Guy: By all accounts, he's just a regular joe, and a fairly amicable one at that, but he keeps finding his way into top-secret military installations and dodging containment without trying, and always when Commander Price is there. His inclusion in the database is probationary until Price can "prove that [[Geoff]] possesses anomalous abilities".

SCP-011-J - The Baby

  • Babies Make Everything Better: Dr. Jones certainly seems to think so.
  • Cuteness Overload: The article is written by Dr. Jones in regards to his 6-month-old son and playing peek-a-boo with him. The anomalous behavior is a science-y description of playing peek-a-boo with the baby.
  • Doting Parent: In a rare moment of sweetness for this website (non-canon as it is), Dr. Jones loves his baby boy so much that he writes reports about how cute his son is.
  • Straight Man: The researcher who gives the addendum at the end has requested that Dr. Jones go on paternity leave, insisting that SCP reports are not normal parental bonding mechanisms.

SCP-022-J - Memetic Metal

  • Angrish: About half-way through the article, angry rants from the editing researcher start popping up, only to be crossed out and replaced with the usual scientific language. A huge rant pops up in a large, bold font, and it's the most incoherent one of them all, consisting primarily of swears and not being written as real sentences.
  • Berserk Button: Anyone who is already aware that titanium is not the world's strongest metal (it's actually quite weak) will go ballistic when confronted with people who insist that it is the strongest. Both the ignorant insistence and the resulting backlash are listed as effects of SCP-022-J.
  • Rant-Inducing Slight: The article is written as having been in the editing process by a researcher who was fed up with requests for containment procedures employing titanium. Security logs show the researcher snapping, ripping the keyboard from his computer and assaulting a security guard with it while screaming profanity until he's placed in the med-bay under quarantine and psychological evaluation.

SCP-049-J - The Plague Fellow

  • Affectionate Parody: It's best described as "SCP-049 on crack".
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: While the original 049's "cure" can be attributed to him being a Knight Templar, 049-J is just completely off his rocker.
  • Comically Inept Healing: Played for Black Comedy; his idea of "curing" someone's sore throat is beating their throat in with a shoe. The article notes that he hasn't been able to cure anything and instead only makes conditions worse.
  • Look Behind You: Uses this trick to escape after being called out for his method of "curing" a sore throat.

SCP-50-AE-J - The Deagle

  • Abnormal Ammo: Smack-talking eagles.
  • Berserk Button: Anything perceived as un-American.
    The box containing SCP-50-AE-J is to be kept away from the following: Russian literature, radios, the Pope, first generation Russian immigrants, and pictures of Ronald Reagan.
  • Cool Gun: It's a gun that shoots eagles.
  • Eagleland: SCP-50-AE-J is a Desert Eagle that shoots a bald Eagle. Said Eagle flies around, attacking anyone with "communist" leanings, and shouting things like, "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW HUGO CHAVEZ!" Basically, an over-the-top parody of the Boorish Eagleland.
  • Patriotic Fervor: As in, the bad kind.
  • Meaningful Name: .50 AE is the cartridge that the Desert Eagle uses.
  • Noble Bird of Prey: SCP-50-AE-1 is a mighty majestic bald eagle.
  • Talking Animal: SCP-50-AE-1, and oh boy does he talk.

SCP-078-J - Cooties

  • Felony Misdemeanor: Apparently the Foundation considers puberty and getting makeovers from girls to be terrible.
  • Girls Have Cooties: The entire point behind the article. Apparently, girls scare the Foundation so much that they're classified as Keter.
  • Pink Is Feminine: "(...) researchers have constructed several safe houses for refugees. (...) No pink is to be allowed into these safe houses."

SCP-329-J - The Ghoooost Siiiign

SCP-420-J - The Best ████ in the World

SCP-500-J - That bitch

SCP-630-J - A Song In Their Heart

  • Crowd Song: When SCP-630-J activates it causes all sentient beings (including animals such as house cats) within range and all beings that watch the performance live to break into song.
  • Spontaneous Choreography: When SCP-630-J activates it causes all sentient beings (even animals such as house cats) within range and all sentient beings that watch the performance live to start performing complex dance routines. It also alters the local environment to provide special effects that would be expected in a theatrical production.

SCP-666-J - Dr. Gerald's Driving Skills

  • Born Lucky: Somehow, Dr. Gerald himself is only mildly injured by his spectacular deficiencies.
  • Drives Like Crazy: As evinced by the fact that the Foundation felt the need to create an entry for his abilities alone, Dr. Gerald is probably not someone you want as a driver... within five miles.
  • Mundane Utility: Gerald is an excellent anti-SCP and rival organization weapon. They're currently trying to build a car capable of containing SCP-682 long enough for him to drive.
  • Person of Mass Destruction: If it has wheels, Gerald can use it to level buildings and commit mass homicide.
  • Rollerblade Good: Apparently, any vehicle becomes an instrument of massive destruction when Gerald is operating it, including roller skates.

SCP-666½-J - The Roaring Flames of Hell

  • Hellgate: That's what the description says it is. The "gate" is in the victim's intestines, and Satan himself attacks their tract.
  • Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: It's somewhat vague as to how much of the article's description is literal and how much is just the in-universe writer taking out frustration on having to go through with its "scenarios." The part about blacking out and moving to a different location seems unusual, but it's probably unlikely that the entrée is able to open a literal gate to Hell and still have the people who went through it come out alive.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: It's a horrible mushroom entree and the diarrhea it causes made to sound like an apocalyptic, reality-bending event. In addition, it's classed as Keter and the containment procedure requires seven people of Abrahamic faith to be with it, despite no point in the article ever implying that the entrée can do anything by itself.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: It's all-but stated that the Foundation fed some of it to SCP-173, which explains its hostility and the origin of the blood and feces on the ground. According to the page, 173 was harmless prior to that.
  • Number of the Beast: Fits the "Biblical apocalyptic" theme of the SCP, and considering how SCP-666-J was already taken (Dr. Gerald's Driving Skills), that number was chosen instead.
  • Overly Long Gag: The page goes in to a lot of detail about the person suffering. Phrases such as "Satan wielding a pickaxe", "hope crushed into tiny nubbins", and "gastric Ragnarok" are used.
  • Reality Warper: If the article is Not Hyperbole. The entrée is capable of causing a temporal field to make its process last longer than it really is.
  • Toilet Humor: It's essentially a really long, (possibly) exaggerative description of bad diarrhea brought on by food poisoning. Based on the article's... tone, it's likely that the Foundation member who wrote it in-universe had to suffer from its effects.

SCP-777-J - Darkblade

  • Captain Ersatz: His profile picture is clearly a drawing of Sephiroth
  • Katanas Are Just Better: He wields one which he is extremely good at using.
  • Making a Splash: Water is his element which he can also use to make barriers.
  • Parody Sue: The Foundation personnel are very inclined to give into his whims (they'll even refer to him by name on request), and they all think he's awesome. All his encounters with lead researchers have resulted in them deciding to join him on his mission and in many cases revealing previously unknown traits (Dr. Clef claims to be a half-Saiyan descended from Goku). Additionally, he is described as having a very powerful but not supernatural effect on women.

SCP-789-J - the butt ghost!!

SCP-999-J - Creepy Speedo Man

SCP-1417-J - Passive-Aggressive Meteorite

  • Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!: Dr. Anderson slaps Sullivan, Becker and Kemal when they pretend to start losing control of their emotions.
  • Glasses Pull: Dr. Anderson whips off his glasses at a dramatic moment during the proceedings.
  • How Dare You Die on Me!: Kemal pretends to have been electrocuted and Anderson pretends to perform CPR on him.
    Anderson: Don't you die on me, you son of a bitch! You've never given up on anything before! Don't you give up on me now!
  • Shout-Out: After Dr. Anderson whips off his glasses he says "Mother of God", a reference to the "Mother of God" meme.
  • Techno Babble: The Foundation personnel use a torrent of scientific-sounding language.
    "...we've got a runaway positronic acceleration...realigning the multimodal flux relay...gluonic resistance readout of 38!...stop the antipolar magnetic attractors from aligning...reboot the central lenticular magnetron...subatomic electro-vulcanizer...rejigger the anti-nucleonic force matrix..."

SCP-1543-J - The Sun Launcher

SCP-2006-J - Metamorphic Eldritch Entity

  • Brown Note: Its... transformation. Either you die from it, get sent into a coma, or shriek "KAWAII" as you explode into rainbow dust.
  • Calling Your Attacks: "[DATA EXPUNGED] Princess Power Transform!"
  • Eldritch Abomination: It is described as mass of writhing tentacles with serpentine eyes... wearing a frilly dress and skirt. Uguu.
  • Magical Girl Warrior: It is a parody of this, it even has a magical girl outfit and a wand.
  • One-Winged Angel: It does this when it transforms.
  • Otaku: It firmly believes it's a magical girl. When it was found, it had a collection of magical girl anime it memorized.
  • Shout-Out: To Cardcaptor Sakura and Sailor Moon, whose protagonists' last names are used for researchers, respectively.
    Drs. Kinomoto and Tsukino were heard exclaiming "SO CUTE" in Japanese

SCP-2041-J - Tankapult

SCP-2558-J - Pufferkittens

  • Action Bomb: Combining SCP-2558-J with an unknown material in SCP-914 made an explosive variety of SCP-2558-J, called SCP-2558-J-ex. They can reform after they explode. Weaponizing them was prohibited.
  • Be the Ball: When they feel they're in danger, they'll inflate into a ball of fluff the size of a soccer ball. They can still move around in this form, with surprising agility and bounciness.
  • Hypnotic Eyes: Their cuteness is actually an anomalous effect. Not only that, but when in ball form, they'll mew in a way that makes humans want to protect them.
  • Ridiculously Cute Critter: They're kittens. Anomalous kittens, but still very adorable.

SPC-3284-J - Lava Sharks

  • Lava Adds Awesome: Sharks are already cool, but sharks in lava are even cooler.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: It's a great white shark... that swims in lava.
  • Silicon-Based Life: These shark-like creatures live in lava pools and can swim through them the way normal sharks swim through water. They don't need to eat, but they attack and consume living creatures anyway.
  • Threatening Shark: The article is based on the Foundation's biggest Fandom-Enraging Misconception - accidentally transposing the "P" and "C" in "SCP". It didn't take long for it to become a backronym for "Shark Punching Center", supposedly a Foundation-themed foundation dedicated to punching sharks. In the face.

SCP-3467-J - Six Foot Man-Eating-Chicken

  • Ambiguous Syntax: Hank's known as the "Man Eating Chicken", not because he's a chicken that eats people, but because he's a guy who's never seen without a bucket of chicken.
  • Bad Boss: Hank is just a lazy janitor, but the Foundation authorities apparently don't see any reason to just fire him instead of making his life miserable.
  • Basement-Dweller: According to the article, he still lives in his mom's basement.
  • The Chew Toy: "SCP-3467 is to be made fun of at every opportunity."
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: "Dr. Gears observed SCP-3467 to emit a loud, extremely high-pitched scream not unlike a small female child."
  • Virgin-Shaming: "hearsay amongst the female staff is that he is still a virgin."

SCP-4357-J - Cooperative Demon

  • Big Red Devil: His general appearance.
  • Burning with Anger: His body emits heat depending on his mood. When he's angry, it can reach scalding levels.
  • Evil Gloating: Of a particularly stupid variety. His gloating usually consists of mocking how bad the the Foundation is at containing him... and then telling them exactly how to contain him.
  • Holy Burns Evil: All of his containment procedures involve religious symbolism or imagery, from a hexagram drawn in silver dust and salt to spray bottles filled with holy water.
  • I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You!: Spoiling his containment procedures all the time.
  • Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!: He's so incompetent he ends up containing himself.
  • Non-Humans Lack Attributes: He's naked, but has no visible sexual characteristics.
  • Our Demons Are Different: He resembles a classical demon.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Every other sentence out of his mouth contains some form of profanity directed at Foundation personnel.
  • Too Dumb to Live: He personally told the Foundation how to contain him. And just as the icing on top, an agent points out to him that he could've simply escaped before they put all of it up.

SCP-4445-J - Disinformation Campaign: Operation Trident Valley

SCP-5555-J - The Chibinator

  • Ax-Crazy: These tiny clones are extremely violent and surprisingly deadly. Mini-953 bit out a D-class's throat and savaged three others, Mini-Rights hit the operator in the head with a lamp, and Mini-Kondraki attacked the operator with a saber hidden in his tiny camera.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: All of the chibi clones operate on implausibility and Rule of Funny. Needless to say, they have a higher body count than the Foundation wants to admit.
  • Black Comedy: The surrealness of miniature flanderized clones of SCP Foundation characters makes the horrible things they do gut bustingly hilarious.
  • Flanderization: The Chibi clones of the Foundation staff and SCPs are just smaller and exaggerated versions of the originals.
  • Gag Boobs: Dr. Palmer's chibi clone doesn't have a facial description because they're just that large.
  • Groin Attack: The last testing log has Dr. C███████ using it on 173. After blinking in Mini-173's presence, he promptly found it attempting 173's signature Neck Snap... a bit lower.
  • Noodle Incident: The end result of Dr. L██████ cloning himself, which ultimately ends 32 increasingly tiny clones as each new one inevitably cloned himself. The last journal entry about this phase of the experiments only mentions that the security guards stated that the mini-clones used lube.
  • Only Sane Man: Whoever's operating SCP-5555-J is guaranteed to be this, as well as The Chew Toy.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: Dr. L██████ by the end of his run, upon realizing he'd been played by Mini-O5-6. Luckily, Mini-L██████ takes up the slack... until what Mini-O5-6 had in store caused him to quit too.
  • Serial Escalation: Dr. L██████ makes a mini clone of himself, who decides to make a mini clone of himself... by the end, there are thirty two levels of increasingly tiny clones of Dr. L██████.
  • The Un-Reveal: We don't get to see how the Chibinator works, due to Dr. L██████'s writing being illegible.

SCP-7475-J - Turbo Shark Pulverizer 6000

  • The Ace: Claims to be the Shark Punching Center's top agent... which would make him perfect for a transhuman experiment.
  • And Then John Was a Zombie: A Shout-Out to the trope namer, even.
    SCP-7475-J: NO! I have to punch the sharks!
    Dr. Kerekes: No, 7475, you are the sharks.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: Make no mistake, his punches hurt. And if he doesn't find sharks to punch for an extended time, he'll make some. His existence leaves the Foundation considering taking SPC more seriously.
  • Black and White Insanity: He accuses the Foundation staff of being part of a "shark loving agenda" before punching them in the face.
  • Dumb Muscle: His IQ is 65, and he can't comprehend the existence of anything that isn't a shark.
  • He Who Fights Monsters: He who punches sharks has become a shark himself.
  • Lightning Bruiser: Both above water and out, he can punch hard and fast... so long as what he's punching is a shark. Otherwise, he's weaker than a normal human.
  • Was Once a Man: He was mutated into a shark-human hybrid, presumably by the Shark Punching Center.
  • What Have I Become?: Informing him of his mutation causes him to go catatonic, though interrupted by bouts of punching himself in the face.

SCP-10101-J - Not A Self-Insert At All

SCP-649-2568-J - Technicolor Geography

SCP-SCP-J - It's Scippy!

  • Comically Missing the Point: Scippy displays some of this:
    SCP-████: I FEAST.
    Dr. Henderson: [horrified screaming] IT'S EATING MY LEGS — [death gurgle]
    SCP-SCP-J: I'm sorry, lunchtime was four hours ago.
  • Expy: It's an expy for Clippy, the notoriously annoying helper for Microsoft Word.
  • Mascot: It's one for the Foundation.
  • The Scrappy: In-universe. In fact he's so hated, that he's prioritized as the first potential casualty in case of another Keter breach.
  • Unwanted Assistance: This is its "anomalous" property. In one incident, during what was most likely the breach of a Keter-class SCP, its rather annoying "help" ended up getting a researcher killed by delaying him.

SCP-WTF-J - The Worst

SCP-____-J - Procrastinati

SCP-\̅\̅\̅\̅-J - The Subject is Aware

An SCP that was written by predictive text app.

  • Atop a Mountain of Corpses: It is (or at least involves) a gigantic pile of ape corpses with a humanoid figure sticking out the top.
  • Fun with Acronyms: Possibly unintentional, but it does include the standalone phrase "Silly crab productions".
  • Word-Salad Horror: While most people find the nonsense of this SCP to be hilarious, others find it horrifying.
  • Word-Salad Humor: This SCP is full of hilariously nonsensical sentences.

SCP-[even number]-J - An [Adjective] [Animal]

  • Easter Egg: Clicking the submit button without filling anything out will automatically fill in monster of the entries with blackboxes, [REDACTED] and [DATA EXPUNGED], except for the Mobile Task Force code name, which defaults to "Hogan's Heroes".
  • Mad Libs Dialogue: It's essentially SCP Mad Libs, so yes.
  • Shout-Out: The code name for its associated Mobile Task Force is "[Your Favorite TV Show]".
  • Textual Celebrity Resemblance: Apparently has an uncanny resemblance to [A Famous Person].
  • Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Dr. [Your Last Name] seemingly has no reaction whatsoever when the SCP attacks Dr. [A German Last Name]'s [A Body Part].
  • With This Herring: Its guards are armed only with [Something Cheap (Plural)].
  • Word-Salad Humor: Again, it's essentially SCP Mad Libs...

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