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Beware of unmarked spoilers up to the end of season 3.

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The Rangers, We're Still Working on the Name, later the London and Other London Outstanding Mercenary Group (L.O.L.O.M.G.)

     Azubuike "Azu" 
Race: Orc
Class: Paladin
"It’s about healing, healing all parts of the body and soul and doing good in the world."


A Paladin of Aphrodite hailing from the mountains of Kenya, Azu's greatest dream is to one day become the High Priestess. She is a loving, caring soul who will do everything in her power to make the world a better place, provided the methods of doing so do not cost innocent lives. As well as being a formidable warrior, Azu is very cuddly, ready to provide hugs and comfort to all who should need or ask for them. Alongside Topaz T. Camel, the camel she can summon at will from the Celestial Plane, she makes sure everyone in the L.O.L.O.M.G. is well looked after and able to get to wherever they may need to go. Played by Helen Gould.


  • All-Loving Hero
  • An Axe to Grind: Wields a large axe.
  • Bald of Awesome: She's an extremely badass bald lady.
  • The Big Guy: At 6'6", Azu is easily the tallest person in the party.
  • Break the Cutie: Azu starts off very hopeful, sure that she can enact justice in the world and save her friends. After having her brother kidnapped, failing to save two of her best friends, and discovering herself in a post-apocalyptic world, Azu has become significantly more cynical, angry, and guilty.
  • Claustrophobia: Azu is uncomfortable in small, enclosed spaces.
  • Cheery Pink: Wears glowing pink armour and is easily the cheeriest of the group.
  • The Confidant: For Einstein; she's the only one who knows about him having lost so much knowledge.
  • Cuddle Bug: Extremely physically affectionate.
  • Fish out of Temporal Water: After exiting the rift, Azu and Hamid find themselves having lost 18 months, and the world is very, very different.
  • Gentle Giant: Very large and muscly, and incredibly friendly and ready to hug.
  • Healing Hands: Naturally, as a paladin.
  • The Heart: Likely part of what drew her to the service of Aphrodite, Azu is the most likely to try to comfort someone when they're hurting, though Hamid isn't far behind.
  • I Will Find You: To Grizzop and Sasha after they fail to return from the planar shift.
  • Magic Knight: As a Paladin, she gets lots of armour and plenty of magic spells.
  • Only One Name: Her town was so small that no one needed second names.
  • The Medic: Again, being a Paladin allows her to use magic to heal people, something she must make ample use of.
  • Our Orcs Are Different: Extremely friendly and as intelligent as all the other sapient races.
  • The Paladin: Along with Grizzop of course. At least until he's flung back through time to Ancient Rome.
  • Pink Means Feminine: Zigzagged. Pink is the colour of Aphrodite, who's worshipped by people of any gender, not seemingly restricted by masculinity or femininity. On the other hand, Azu is very pink and the mosts feminine member of the group, especially in comparison to the other woman, Sasha.
  • Power Glows: Due to her service to Aphrodite, all of her weapons and armour glows a bright pink. Unless she's trying to be stealthy, in which case it only glows a little bit.
  • Religious Bruiser: To be expected of a paladin.
  • Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: Platonically, with both Hamid and Grizzop.
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    Sir Bertrand "Bertie" McGuffingham 
Race: Human
Class: Fighter
"I want to be at home, coated in honey the whole time, being gently licked by nice young men! And here I am, haring all over the continent."


An entitled noble who wears the flashiest armour money can buy. What Bertie lacks in diplomacy and pleasantness he more than makes up for with intimidation and ability to bellow, something that can cause issues for the rest of the Rangers, We’re Still Working on the Name. While he’s not the most intelligent or observant, he’s very good to have on your side if you get into a fight, being a hard-hitting damage absorbing tank, or if you need to buy your way out of a sticky situation, since he has loads of money and is rarely shy of spending it. Otherwise a truly terrible person who things poor people are awful and only other nobles have any worth. Played by James Ross.
  • Asshole Victim: To Kafka.
  • Badass Gay
  • Beneath the Mask: Is legally obliged to keep up the appearance of a noble knight, when in reality he's a Knight in Sour Armour.
  • The Big Guy: Towers over everyone else in the Rangers.
  • Catchphrase: "Listen here, young man."
  • Character Death: In episode 79, by Kafka.
  • Contemplating Your Hands: Is strangely fascinated by his own finger.
  • Cruel and Unusual Death: Is suffocated to death while spinning in mid-air and sacrificing his best friend's sister to try and save himself.
  • Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Bertie is fond of this, whether threatening to "slice [Wilde] open and bathe in his blood" or "cut off his skin."
  • Dead Man Writing: In his will, which James reads aloud as Bertie.
  • Eating the Eye Candy: To several men, but notably Edward Keystone:
    Bertie: You are a source of irritation... with lovely eyes. Eyes a man could drown in, if he were foolish enough to think he could swim in eyes. You— cheekbones a man could juice a lemon on, little shell-like ears, if one wanted to stick one’s tongue in a shell for some reason... Skin like honey, in the sense that I would put it all in a jar...
  • Establishing Character Moment: His introduction in episode 1: Bertie, in ornate plate armour, loudly barges into an interview room and declares himself a mercenary.
  • Failed a Spot Check: Constantly, to the point that "everybody but Bertie sees..." becomes a Running Gag.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: Zolf and Sasha openly dislike Bertie, particularly after he reveals his true motivations for adventuring. Even Hamid, with whom he's supposedly friends, considers him annoying and a danger to others.
  • Giver of Lame Names: Gives Mr Ceiling his name.
  • Glowing Eyes of Doom: The eyes on his falcon-headed helmet happen to glow, and they are a very bad sign for any enemies in the area.
  • Heroes Love Dogs: Until they throw them off a roof in Paris.
  • Hesitant Sacrifice: Kafka offers Bertie the choice between his life and that of Aziza; Bertie hesitates for a long time, then eventually chooses himself.
  • It's All About Me: Is almost incapable of caring about other people's worries.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: Not a particularly pleasant individual.
  • Knight in Sour Armour: Is dressed in full plate armor, is classically educated and fights with a two-handed bastard sword but is a cowardly, selfish and greedy individual apart from that.
  • Lack of Empathy: Except towards his dog, and barely even then.
  • Large Ham
  • Living Weapon: Wields Sir Everard Macguffingham's sword, which talks to him.
  • Magically Binding Contract: With Harkness, Harkness, Darkness & Sphinx.
  • Manly Gay
  • Mark of Shame: Whenever Bertie breaks his contract with his lawyers, he gains one of these on his arm.
  • Mighty Glacier: Has the highest Armour Class and HP of the party and can soak up damage without realizing it that other party members would be obliterated entirely by.
  • Never My Fault: Good luck getting Bertie to own up to his many, many flaws.
  • Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: With Hamid; they're friends despite Hamid's significantly more delicate sensibilities.
  • So Much for Stealth: Because of his plate armour, it's extremely hard for him to stealth.
  • Speak Ill of the Dead: After he dies, characters continue to speak openly of his faults; Hamid calls him a bully and Sasha only mourns that she no longer has anyone to flank.
  • Too Many Halves: In one character introduction, James describes Bertie as "half man, half man, half man."
  • Upper-Class Twit: His defining character trait.

     Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom 
Race: Half-elf
Class: Alchemist
"There are very few problems that explosions can not sort!"


A boisterous, excitable inventor and alchemist, Cel loves potions, gratuitous electricity, and explosions. Although they appear to have traveled the world, Cel is set on protecting a small village in Japan, to which they feel deeply indebted. Played by Lydia Nicholas.


  • Accent Interest: Cel's accent is "from everywhere" and draws the attention of Zolf; it's a sign that they're from lands outside of meritocratic control.
  • Admiring the Abomination: Towards the goo and mould in Shoin's lab.
  • Alchemy Is Magic
  • Badass Longcoat: In which they keep their many potions.
  • BFG: Or rather, Big Fucking Crossbow.
  • Big, Stupid Doodoo-Head: Calls Shoin a "poopyhead."
  • Confusion Fu: They have so many different potions at their disposal that predicting their actions both in and out of combat is difficult.
  • Demolitions Expert
  • Ditzy Genius: To be expected of a high intelligence, low wisdom character.
  • Ear Ache: One of Cel's ears is partially blown off, presumably from an experiment gone wrong.
  • Gadgeteer Genius: They're a prolific inventor.
  • Gadgeteer's House: Cel boasts one of these in their village.
  • Gibbering Genius: Often, when they get very excited about a scientific project.
  • Goggles Do Something Unusual: Their large goggles can zoom in on things.
  • Glass Cannon: Has the lowest hitpoints of the party, but can also chuck up to four bombs in a single round, among many other abilities.
  • Half-Human Hybrid: Half elf, half human.
  • Hidden Depths: Although Cel appears constantly cheery, to the point of being naïve, they have alluded to having a darker past.
  • How Do You Say: Because they've been speaking Japanese for so long, this comes up a few times when they're speaking English.
  • Magic Knight: In addition to their magic, Cel wields a huge crossbow.
  • Omniglot: Has rarely encountered a language they don't speak.
  • Overly Long Name: Celiquillithon.
  • Steampunk Gadgeteers
  • Transgender: Is gender neutral.
  • Trolling Translator: When Shoin is speaking Japanese to the party over the intercom, Cel tries this:
    Zolf: What’s he talking about?
    Cel: Oh, he was just saying ‘Did you enjoy the puzzle’ and ‘Well done’, and ‘That half-elf amongst you is devastatingly attractive and brilliant and everyone should listen to them more’.”
  • Walking Spoiler: Mentioning that Cel is played by Lydia spoils Sasha's departure from the show.

    Grizzop drik acht Amsterdam 
Race: Goblin
Class: Paladin
"If you’re strong you lead, if you’re weak you get helped, if you’re a threat you get destroyed. That’s how it works."

Grizzop is a paladin of Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt. He joins the Rangers after meeting them in Prague and demonstrating his capability in a fight against a horde of zombies. Played by Ben Meredith.


    Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan 
Race: Halfling
Class: Sorcerer
"What matters is that we don’t give up, is that we keep trying to do good, is that we keep trying to help. That we make up for the mistakes. We don’t let the mistakes become all we are."


Hamid is a well-to-do sorcerer hailing from a family of successful bankers in Cairo, Egypt, though he was sent to England when rather young for schooling reasons. He’s very fastidious about his appearance, and is apparently very tall for a halfling, perhaps thanks to his dragon ancestry. Very often will try to help others in need, even to his own detriment on occasion. And, as of episode 127, the very last member of the original player characters who has been with the team the whole time. Played by Bryn Monroe.


  • The Atoner: Was once a bully whose prank went wrong and killed several people; Hamid joined the mercenary group to be a hero and help people after what he did.
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Even when fireballing hordes of enemies, Hamid always wears an immaculate three-piece suit.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Is generally polite and soft-spoken, but very capable of burning his enemies to death.
  • Big Eater: As a Halfling, Hamid enjoys far more than three meals a day.
  • Calling the Old Man Out: In Cairo; Hamid confronts his dad about his tendency to make his children's mistakes "disappear" and his lack of emotional support.
  • Catchphrase: "Oh dear."
  • Character Development: Over the course of the show, works through a lot of his own guilt about what happened at university, becomes stronger as an adventurer, and learns how to lead.
  • Characterization Marches On: Bryn initially characterizes Hamid as "something of a playboy," but Hamid has only flirts a handful of times in the first season, and Hamid's more notable as one of the few player characters that has spoken of a long-term relationship.
  • Child Prodigy: Was an extremely bright and promising child; this is the reason that he's sent off to study in England at such a young age.
  • Coming-of-Age Story: Hamid's character arc involves his progression from a failed university student to the leader of a mercenary group.
  • Cultured Badass: Enjoys the opera and setting his enemies on fire.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Involves accidentally killing several people in a prank gone wrong.
  • Did Not Get the Girl: About six months prior to the show, his long-time girlfriend Liliana broke up with him, and has since become engaged to his old friend, Gideon.
  • Death Wail: Gives one of these after being told that his sister, Aziza, has died.
  • Doomed Hometown: Post-timeskip, Cairo is mostly abandoned.
  • Dragon Ancestry: The reason for his sorcerer powers.
  • Emotional Powers: Tends to turn more dragon-y in times of high stress.
  • Establishing Character Moment: In his introduction in episode 1, Hamid appears extremely distressed as he loses a significant amount of money at a casino, hinting at his family's history of gambling addiction and indicating his lack of direction in life.
  • Everything's Better with Rainbows: Can cast Rainbow Pattern.
  • The Face: Hamid's charm and social graces mean that he often plays this role in the group.
  • Famous Ancestor: Apophis.
  • Fish out of Temporal Water: After exiting the rift, Azu and Hamid find themselves having lost 18 months, and the world is very, very different.
  • Glass Cannon: Among the heaviest hitters in the group due to area-of-affect spells such as Fireball, but, prior to Cel's arrival in the party, had the lowest hitpoints.
  • Guyliner: Hamid wears this.
  • Iconic Outfit: A purple and green three-piece suit.
  • Idle Rich: In the six months prior to the campaign's beginning, haven been kicked out of school, Hamid simply wasted time around London, living off the remains of the money he had from his parents.
  • I Just Want to Have Friends: According to Hamid, this was his reason for becoming a bully with Gideon when he was younger; he was the only brown-skin person and the only halfling at his school, and didn't speak English well, so he joined the bullies in order to make friends.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: After all of his party members jump out a high-speed limo for literally no reason, Hamid reaches for a bottle of wine and takes a swig.
  • Instant Awesome: Just Add Dragons!
  • Involuntary Shapeshifter: At first, cannot control his hands shifting into dragon's claws, and is terrified when he does.
  • I Will Find You: To Grizzop and Sasha after they fail to return from the planar shift.
  • Massive Numbered Siblings: Has two sisters (Saira and Aziza) and three brothers (Saleh, Ishak, and Ismail).
  • Mistaken for Gay: Or rather, mistaken for Mistaken for Gay. When Grizzop suggests that Hamid might be a fairie, Hamid politely responds that no, he likes women.
  • Mistaken for Servant: Initially, at Edison's party.
  • Neat Freak: Strongly dislikes being dirty or appearing untidy, and is constantly using Prestidigitation to clean up his appearance.
  • Necktie Headband: Sports one of these while leading a dance party in Damascus.
  • Nerdy Bully: Seems to have been this, back in school; was involved with pranks in which he had to write down alchemical formulas.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Whenever Hamid fails to Prestidigitate himself after the most minor rumpling of his clothing or smearing of makeup, you can tell that he's not coping well.
  • Overly Long Name: Several of the end-bloopers feature Bryn trying and failing to say his own character's name.
  • Parents in Distress: During the Cairo arc, his dad confesses to a crime he didn't commit.
  • Phlebotinum-Induced Stupidity: Under Kafka's feeblemind spell.
  • Playing with Fire: From Scorching Ray to Fireball, Hamid has a tendency towards fire spells, likely due to his draconic ancestry.
  • Pretty Boy: Hamid's known for being very attractive.
  • Real Men Hate Affection: Strongly averted; Hamid is very physically and emotionally affectionate.
  • The Red Mage
  • Reformed Bully: Alongside Gideon, Hamid was a bully back in school, in order to prevent himself from being bullied. He's tried several times to distance himself from Gideon and his old ways, and his mercenary work seems to be the most successful he's been.
  • Scars Are Forever: Has a scar on his back from being knocked unconscious from the cold fungus in the basement of Kew Gardens.
    • As of episode 42, also has a helical scar running down one arm from being crushed under a rock when the roof of a tunnel fell in.
  • Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: With Bertie; they're friends despite Hamid's significantly more delicate sensibilities.
  • Sharp-Dressed Man: Almost always wearing a three-piece suit.
  • Squishy Wizard: It takes very little damage to make him unconscious. He also has a bit of a weak stomach.
  • Someday This Will Come in Handy: Hamid's fine taste in clothes gives him experience in tailoring, which he uses to sew sails for the ship in season 4.
  • Stranger in a Familiar Land: Experiences this twice in Cairo: firstly, when he returns from Europe for the first time in almost a decade and finds that his family dynamic has changed, and later, when he returns from 18 months on a different plane and finds that his home is now the Harlequins' base of operations.
  • Stress Vomit: Is rather prone to these.
  • Supernatural Is Purple: Wears purple (and green) and is a sorcerer.
  • Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: Platonically, with Azu.
  • Uncanny Family Resemblance: Between many members of the al Tahan family, mentioned particularly between Hamid and his siblings Aziza and Saleh.
  • Your Makeup Is Running: Hamid's almost always wearing makeup, and given how prone he is to crying, it runs a fair bit. Thank goodness for Prestidigitation.

    Sasha Racket 
Race: Human
Class: Rogue
"I don’t really believe in good news."


A slightly awkward, cheerful knife enthusiast and antiques appraiser who grew up in Other London. She doesn’t have much experience with anywhere outside of London, but her impressive abilities to pick up local knowledge more than make up for it. Not a big fan of the law or those who uphold it. Played by Lydia Nicholas.


  • Abusive Parents: Or parental figures, in Barrett.
  • Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Easily distracted by shiny things, especially if they happen to be valuable.
  • Back Stab: One of Sasha’s preferred fighting methods.
  • Badass Normal: Particularly after Bertie dies. She's the only human and the only non-caster, but is invaluable to the team.
  • Bad Liar: Due to her low charisma. Barrett even mentions it.
  • Cannot Tell a Joke: Particularly puns, though she makes some effort around Wilde.
  • Catchphrase: "Sasha Racket, who's askin'?"
  • Character Development: Sasha's character arc involves learning to trust and rely on her friends.
  • Choice of Two Weapons: Wields both knives and bombs.
  • Covered with Scars: While all the characters have several scars from falling under 0hp, Sasha has the most; see Scars Are Forever.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: How she lost one of her fingers. Growing up in Other London wasn't particularly nice, but thanks to being related to certain powerful people in it, Sasha had an even worse time of it.
  • Death Wail: Gives one of these upon finding Grizzop dead.
  • Demolitions Expert: Ends up saving the entire party in the battle of Kew Gardens.
  • Doomed Hometown: Other London, which was the starting place for the infection.
  • Drives Like Crazy: When given control of the limo to Damascus.
  • Dual Wielding: Favours two daggers in her fighting style.
  • Establishing Character Moment: In the first episode. Sasha realizes she's being followed, tries to slip into a crowd and disguise herself, only to get powder all over a bunch of strangers. She proceeds to repeatedly lie poorly about why she's being followed.
  • Evil Uncle: Barrett Rackett, to Sasha, as well as an abusive parental figure.
  • Extended Disarming: Sasha gets one of these before meeting Apophis; she carries upwards of 15 daggers, three bombs, and a tanglefoot bag on her person at all times.
  • Fingore: Cut off her own finger to remove Barrett's ring and escape from his watch.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: Averted. Sasha is Covered with Scars, few of which are subtle.
  • Grave Humor: Alex jokes that Sasha's epitaph might be "We hardly knew ye. She preferred it that way," or else simply a question mark.
  • Hates Being Touched: And will stab you if you try. Almost always refuses physical affection, even from friends.
  • Hidden Weapons: Sasha has a lot of daggers. Most of them are not readily visible.
  • Knife Nut: Sasha loves knives very very much. She’s always delighted to find and take new additions to her collection from the bodies of fallen foes.
  • Lessons in Sophistication: Eldarion apparently tried to give these to Sasha
  • Locked into Strangeness: After a hit from a magical creature in Rome.
  • Loveable Rogue: While not necessarily the nicest person, she comes across as awkwardly well meaning (for the most part), thrust into a life of stealing by her upbringing and familial relations. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t like thieving of course, but she doesn’t normally do it specifically to be unpleasant.
  • Mundane Luxury: Because of her lack of experience outside Other London, Sasha tends to have this, getting excited by sandwiches, large chairs, and train rides.
  • Nephewism: Was raised by her uncle.
  • No Social Skills: Her low charisma score really shows.
  • Not Afraid of You Anymore: Tells this to Barrett after he's delivered to her hogtied.
    Sasha: I don’t think you’re as important as you thought you were. You should be locked up and not know what’s gonna happen next and know that you are not important for what happens to the world or to — to me, cause you’re not. You’re not important. Just... a man on the floor.
  • Not Used to Freedom: Still getting used to living outside Other London, and therefore somewhat agoraphobic. Her experiences with Barrett have also left her reticent to trusting others.
  • Not Worth Killing: Decides that Barrett is this.
  • The One Who Made It Out: Not only makes it out of Other London, but travels the world as part of a mercenary group working for the Meritocrats.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Sasha is repeatedly described as almost never shouting or screaming, even when in significant pain, and very rarely hugs anyone, making her reaction to Grizzop's death particularly heartbreaking.
  • Our Zombies Are Different: Becomes undead after a botched resurrection; the result is something like a degenerative illness.
  • Properly Paranoid: Of Barrett, and of things going too well; the latter serves her well for realizing that they're in Mr Ceiling's simulation.
  • Pummeling the Corpse: Sasha does this to one of Barrett's goons in episode 89, after she delivers the final blow to it before he can even take it turn:
    Sasha, as she stabs it repeatedly: Why! Why! Everywhere I go! This isn't about you! You! Tell him! How! Little! He! Matters!
  • Raven Hair, Ivory Skin: How she's described.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Delivers one of these to Barrett; see Not Afraid of You Anymore.
  • Recruited from the Gutter: Sasha joins the mercenary company after they save her from Barret's goons. Although she had had one previous legal job as an antique appraiser, mercenary work offers her more money, protection, and chances to see the world than she's ever had, and as such, she's incredibly loyal to the party.
  • Roof Hopping: Is generally quite good at this.
  • Scars Are Forever: Gets a scar every time she's knocked unconscious from going into negative hitpoints. So far she has a scar on her neck from caught in an explosion, a falcon from Bertie's amour perfectly imprinted into her back from when he fell on her in Paris, an autopsy scar down her chest from having her organs taken out, and blue lighting scars from her ice dagger exploding.
  • Skewed Priorities: While trying to escape a water trap under the factories in Damascus, Sasha is loathe to give up her adamantine dagger, even when it might save her life.
  • Skunk Stripe: After a magical hit.
  • Stealth Expert: Par for the course, as a rogue.
  • Stealth Hi/Bye: Enjoys sneaking up on people and talking to them before they realize she's there, and leaving just as stealthily.
  • Street Smart: Even has a Knowledge (Local) to back it up.
  • The Slow Path: Sasha's ultimate fate. Due to being shunted back in time to just before the fall of Rome during a planar shift spell, she is unable to find a way back to the present and is left stranded thousands of years before anything she knows will even be a concept. Eventually though she lives out the rest of her life, founding a school for orphans to teach them what she knows of being a thief.
  • The Sneaky Guy: Easily the best at sneaking in the group.
  • Spell My Name with an "S": Official things have her listed as Sasha Racket, but there's a lot of people who spell it Rackett, to the extent where all the tags on AO3 are for Sasha Rackett.
  • Teeth Flying: During the fight outside the Temple of Aphrodite, Sasha loses a molar.
  • Token Human: After Bertie dies, Sasha is the only human in the team, alongside a halfling, a goblin, and an orc.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: After visiting Dover, has a strong love for lobster, and in particularly dire-lobster.
  • Trapped in the Past: See The Long Road Home.
  • The Undead: Before she gets healed by Fairhands.
  • Undeathly Pallor: When she's undead, she gets even paler than usual.
  • Unreliable Expositor: About her tutor, Eldarion. Although it's clear that Eldarion didn't treat her very well, it's clear that Sasha wasn't aware Eldarion and Barrett's actual relationship and didn't understand fully what was going on.
  • You Can't Go Home Again: Even if Sasha weren't Trapped in the Past, London is completely off-limits due to the infection.
  • Your Days Are Numbered: Progressively becomes more and more undead, and is given about a month until she turns into... something else. Fortunately, the party eventually manages to acquire the Heart of Aphrodite in time to reverse this.
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    Zolf Smith 
Race: Dwarf
Class: Cleric formerly of Poseidon
"I don’t want any of you dying. You are here because of me. I hired you. I’ve got you involved in this stuff, so I’m responsible for you."


The dwarven leader of the Rangers, We're Still Working on the Name. Zolf is a cleric of Poseidon, who he took faith in after somehow surviving a nasty shipwreck. He’s generally good at looking after his team and making sure they’re not about to fall unconscious from damage, and doesn’t like rushing into potentially nasty situations without doing some planning first. Has been known to enjoy a vapid romance novel or two when he has the time. Played by Ben Meredith.


  • Anger Born of Worry: Zolf is prone to this. After their debacle in Kew Gardens, he's angry at Hamid for trying to "play the hero" — but ends his tirade by confessing that he feels responsible for them and is trying to keep them safe.
  • An Arm and a Leg: Begins the series with one peg leg and subsequently loses the other in the Paris catacombs.
  • Artificial Limbs: When he returns in season four, he has two prosthetic legs.
  • Badass Beard: Wears a long, braided beard.
  • Blade on a Stick: After the timeskip, he wields a glaive.
  • Broken Pedestal: Zolf doesn't want to meet Harrison Cambell for fear of being disappointed in his greatest hero. Unfortunately, he doesn't really get a choice in that matter.
  • Brutal Honesty: Zolf is fond of this:
    Hamnid: We should stick together, I think. It won’t be too bad, Sasha.
    Zolf: It will be pretty bad.
  • The Bus Came Back
  • Clothing Damage: After getting struck by lightning multiple times, all his non-magical clothing burns away, much to the interest of several players.
  • Crisis of Faith: Zolf gets one of these in Poseidon after meeting Mr Ceiling and accidentally ruining the world's systems.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Involves the death of his brother, deserting the navy, and the loss of one of his legs.
  • Disabled Badass: Is very capable of holding his own in a fight, whether with one leg or none.
  • Disabled Snarker: Particularly after losing his second leg, Zolf is quick to snark about his lack of abilities.
  • Establishing Character Moment: Is introduced as exhausted at an absolutely incompetent young man who wants to be in his mercenary company.
  • Finger Snap Lighter: Zolf is fond of doing this with Spark.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: Averted. Zolf has several scars and is missing both legs, but is a good person.
  • Hate at First Sight: With Wilde, whom he headbutts within the first ten minutes of meeting. After the timeskip, they seem to have worked out their differences.
  • Healing Hands: Naturally, as a cleric.
  • Hell-Bent for Leather: After the timeskip, Zolf wears a good deal of leather.
  • Heroic BSoD: After destroying Mr Ceiling and stopping its influence, thereby also destroying most of the world's computing power and the networks the automatons were on, making them functionally useless, Zolf is hit very hard by the aftermath, leading him to question whether he and the party really did the right thing what with the immense level of destruction of world technology. Of course, losing both his peg leg and his functional leg both does not help.
  • Innate Night Vision: As a dwarf, he naturally has darkvision, letting him see in places with no light whatsoever.
  • It's All My Fault: Has a tendency to blame himself for the harm that comes on the Rangers.
  • I Will Only Slow You Down: In the Paris catacombs, Hamid, Sasha, and Zolf are running from a huge unseen monster, and Zolf no longer has any legs; Zolf tells Sasha and Hamid to leave him behind, but they refuse.
  • Keeping the Disability: Rejects Poseidon's water legs.
  • The Leader: Of the Rangers. Once he leaves, the Rangers have a much harder time staying on task and not getting sidetracked by petty arguments.
  • The Knights Who Say "Squee!": About Harisson Cambell.
  • Leave Me Alone!: After defeating Mr Ceiling, Zolf shuts himself in his room for several days, rebuking Hamid's attempts to talk; he later leaves the party altogether to deal with his own issues.
  • Meaningful Name: The fact that his last name is "Smith" despite being a dwarf is an early clue that Zolf's family is more than they seem.
  • The Medic: As a cleric among a fighter, a rogue, and a sorcerer, he's the only one in the group with any actual healing capabilities.
  • Memento MacGuffin: Wears a ring from his dead brother, which turns out to connect him the Harlequins, an anti-meritocratic group.
  • Nay-Theist: After the timeskip: to him, gods are very powerful but not necessarily moral.
  • Prongs of Poseidon: As a cleric of Poseidon, this is his favoured weapon.
  • Prosthetic Limb Reveal: After the timeskip.
  • Put on a Bus
  • Religious Bruiser: Is, according to Ben, a "beefy boy," and a cleric.
  • Significant Wardrobe Shift: Post timeskip. He now wears armour and lacks any symbols of Poseidon.
  • Take Me Instead: Says almost these exact words to Poseidon after Sasha starts drowning while crossing the Channel, before jumping in himself.
  • Talking in Your Dreams: To Poseidon.
  • Team Chef: After the timeskip; co-opts the kitchen of the inn they're staying at to cook for the group.
  • Team Dad: Is protective and caring of the group, despite his gruff exterior, and is the group's leader.
  • Rage Against the Heavens: Doesn't always have the best relationship with Poseidon.
  • Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: With Bertie, eventually leading to Zolf's departure from the show.

Guest Player Characters

     Edward Keystone 
Race: Human
Class: Paladin

Played by Alexander Newell.


     Tjelvar Stornsnasson 

Race: Orc
Class: Bard

Played by Ben Meredith.


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Major Non-Player Characters

     Albert Einstein 
  • Absent-Minded Professor
  • Beneath the Mask: Einstein tries very hard to keep up the appearance of a knowledgeable, if very strange high-level magic user. In reality, his experience in Newton's study left him unable to cast many very basic spells, and he doesn't understand why he's been promoted so high within the university.
  • Characterization Marches On: In the 7th metacast, Alex reveals that while Einstein was initially fairly nonplussed about the party, their reactions to him led to Einstein becoming much kinder.
  • Cloudcuckoolander
  • Cope by Pretending: Shows signs of this.
    Einstein: That’s fine, that’s fine.
    Azu: It’s not fine.
    Einstein: No, no, but sometimes you say that’s fine, you feel better, you know?
  • Guest-Star Party Member: In Rome.
  • Historical Domain Character
  • Loon with a Heart of Gold: While he's extremely eccentric, Einstein grow to care for the party, to the point of breaking Curie's quarantine rules for them and sneaking them mobile stones.
  • Teleporter Accident: Einstein suffered one of these when trying to teleport in Newton's office. He hasn't quite been the same ever since.

     Amelia Earhart 

     Amelie Rose 

     Apophis 

     Aziza Hawaa al-Tahan 

     Barrett Racket 
  • Asshole Victim: When he gets beaten up and hogtied by the Cult of Hades, absolutely no one feels sorry for him.
  • Abusive Parents: Or parental figure, to Sasha.
  • An Offer You Can't Refuse: Barrett makes one of these to the party so that Hamid takes his ring.
  • Bound and Gagged: Barrett is delivered to Sasha in this manner.
  • But for Me, It Was Tuesday: Can't even remember the name of the children he provided as brain fuel for Mr Ceiling — including Brock, one of Sasha's only friends. Sasha later highlights this in her "The Reason You Suck" Speech:
    Sasha: You didn’t care about Brock, it wasn’t to punish me you took him away, you just... didn’t care.
  • Evil Uncle: To Sasha.
  • The Fagin: Appears to have been this to the children of Other London.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Barrett offers the party alcohol and prevents them from being physically harmed... only to threaten their loved ones.
  • Implied Death Threat: Seems to enjoy these, to the point where Hamid prods Barrett to explicitly say what he'll do to them if he doesn't give over his ring.
  • The Man Behind the Man: Many of his actions were actually influenced by the Cult of Hades.
  • Manipulative Bastard
  • Meaningful Name: A "racket" is an illegal scheme — seems appropriate for a crime lord.
  • Soft-Spoken Sadist: Even when discussing child murder, Barrett has a fairly gentle voice.
  • Starter Villain: When he shows up later, he has far less leverage over Hamid.
  • Would Hurt a Child: Among other things, orchestrated many children from Other London to be "disappeared" as fuel for Mr Ceiling.

     Bi Ming Gusset 

     Brock 
  • And I Must Scream: Brain trapped in a jar, melded with hundreds of other consciousnesses, only vaguely aware of how many people they miss? Yeah.
  • Brain in a Jar: As part of Mr Ceiling, he's one of these.
  • Childhood Friends: With Sasha.
  • Dead Man Writing: After the party destroys Mr Ceiling, Brock manages to send one last note to Sasha, warning her about "the one that got away."
  • Walking Spoiler: It's very hard to mention anything about Brock beyond his childhood friendship with Sasha without spoiling everything about Mr Ceiling.

     Brutor 

     Eldarion 
  • Ambiguously Evil: Sasha is convinced that Eldarion was working with Barrett and was deliberately cruel to her, but Eldarion seems to indicate that the situation was much more complicated, and genuinely cares about Sasha.
  • Ambiguously Gay: It's not clear whether she and Curie had a romantic relationship.
  • Badass Teacher: The Head of Illusion at the University of Prague, and despite her unreadiness to fight in heels, earns the title of badass with her Heroic Sacrifice.
  • Early-Bird Cameo: First mentioned on the list of professors that work in Kafka's building; the party doesn't meet her until late into the following season.
  • Guest-Star Party Member: In Rome.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: Sacrifices herself in the Hades dimension so that the rest of the party can get home safely.
  • High Heel Power: Went to Rome in heels.
  • Lessons in Sophistication: Eldarion apparently tried to give these to Sasha, with minimal success.
  • Only One Name
  • Stern Teacher: Eldarion is implied to have been this towards Sasha.
  • Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: With Einstein, in rescuing the party's loved ones.

     Franz Kafka 

     Gideon Langdon 

     Harrison Cambell 
  • Blatant Lies: Tells Sasha that he's sleeping outdoors on an airship because he likes the fresh air.
  • The Chew Toy: Specifically, by Bertie, who uses him as a Human Shield while crossing the Channel, and later, terrorizes him repeatedly on the skiship, including dangling him off the side.
  • Satire: In-Universe, writes one about Bertie.
  • Tagalong Chronicler: Initially wants to be this towards Bertie.

     Howard Carter 

     Liliana Beekos 
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: While Hamid initially believes her to be sweet and well-meaning, she works with Franz Kafka on some very questionable research, calls Hamid a coward, and refuses to listen to his explanations about Gideon's actions.
  • Morally Ambiguous Doctorate: She's working on her PhD on a power source that is already being misused in the world, and isn't interested in hearing objections to this.

     Marie Curie 
  • Ambiguously Gay: It's not clear whether she and Eldarion had a romantic relationship.
  • The Archmage: Naturally, as the Dean of a magical university.
  • Badass Teacher: The Dean of the University of Prague, and both a competent fighter (as she proves against a feebleminded Hamid), and, in season 4, a formidable leader of the resistance.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: Averted. In season 4, Curie has a large scar across her face that partially paralyzes it.
  • Historical Domain Character
  • Not So Stoic: Takes the news of Eldarion's death poorly, though she does compose herself.
  • Properly Paranoid: in season 4, of the infection. Although she's helpful to Hamid and Azu, she refuses to reveal many secrets to them, particularly as they haven't been quarantined. She reasonably explains that several people have seemed to return from the dead in the same way as Hamid and Azu, and been revealed as infected.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: As the leader of the Harlequins, she treats Azu and Hamid with respect and answers their questions about what's going on.
  • The Stoic
  • Textual Celebrity Resemblance: To Helen Mirren from Red.

     Mr Ceiling 

     Oscar Wilde 
  • Badass Gay: In addition to flirting outrageously with many men, Wilde is an incredibly powerful bard.
  • Badass in a Nice Suit
  • Badass in Distress: Several times. While escaping Paris, he is poisoned by La Gourmande's forces and unconscious for most of a fight. Later, in Cairo and Damascus, he suffers the effects of a curse that prevents him from sleeping, weakening him significantly.
  • Beneath the Mask: Wilde keeps up the appearance of being put-together — even while suffering from a curse that prevents him from sleeping. It takes Grizzop finding him bleeding from his face for Wilde to admit there's anything wrong.
  • Blood from Every Orifice: Grizzop finds Wilde bleeding from his ears and nose in Damascus.
  • Character Development: Gradually becomes more serious over the course of the show; this is particularly noticeable after the timeskip, during which he's become hardened and far less prone to joking around.
  • Cynicism Catalyst: Post-timeskip. According to Zolf, Wilde was at first unwilling to follow the Harlequins' quarantine rules — until an unspecified incident occurred. He now refuses to show any emotion to anyone who hasn't proved that they're not infected.
  • The Dandy: I mean, he's Oscar Wilde.
  • Establishing Character Moment: Wilde is introduced after he breaks into Hamid's flat and helps himself to their alcohol; he then flirts wildly with Bertie.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: Averted. In season 4, Wilde has a large scar across his face that prevents him from smiling like he used to.
  • Groin Attack: Receives one of these from Grizzop.
  • Guest-Star Party Member: While escaping Paris.
  • Historical Domain Character
  • The Insomniac: In season 3.
  • Magic Music: Standard, as Wilde is a bard.
  • Master of Illusion: Among the world's most powerful illusionists; at one point, successfully diverts an entire army.
  • Mr. Exposition: Often takes this role when he shows up.
  • No Time to Explain: Pulls one of these in Paris, insisting the party escape the city with him without any indication of what's going on.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: When Wilde is too tired to crack puns, it shows that there's something seriously wrong with him.
  • Power Nullifier: The gnomes put one of these on Wilde in Paris — specifically, a spiked gag that poisons him, preventing him from casting spells and eventually knocking him out.
    • Later, Wilde willingly goes in an anti-magic cell and anti-magic cuffs that prevent him from casting spells, but also prevent anyone from casting spells on him, negating the curse that has been preventing him from sleeping.
  • Pretty Boy: Outrageously attractive.
  • Properly Paranoid: In season 4, he locks Azu and Hamid in a cell for seven days and refuses to interact with them because he needs to prove that they're not infected. Zolf reveals that Wilde used to be more lax about the infection protocol, and suffered the consequences of not being paranoid.
  • Pungeon Master: Can never resist an opportunity for word-play.
  • Quest Giver: As their official handler, is usually the one pointing the party in the right direction.
  • Sharp-Dressed Man: Again, he's Oscar Wilde.
  • Sleep Deprivation: Wilde is subjected to this.
  • Smug Smiler: It takes a lot to faze Wilde's generally smug expression.
  • Sugar-and-Ice Personality: post timeskip, Alex notes that Wilde has this: he's cold to anyone he suspects might be infected, and warm when they can prove they're not.
  • Trauma Conga Line: Let's see... drugged in Paris while trying to escape an army, and eventually forced to find his way out of the city entirely by himself, then subjected to weeks of insomnia to the point of bleeding from his face while realizing that his organization has been infiltrated, then loses his team, the L.O.L.O.M.G., to mysterious circumstances, then survives an apocalypse, earning himself a disfiguring facial scar. Guy really can't catch a break.
  • Workaholic: Constantly working himself to the point of exhaustion. Often, if the party stops talking to him for a couple of minutes, he'll start doing paperwork.

     Saira Hawaa Layla al-Tahan 
  • The Dutiful Son: Or rather, daughter; she takes on the family business after both Saleh Sr. and Jr. are sent to jail, Aziza dies, and Hamid goes off adventuring.
  • Massive Numbered Siblings: Has one sisters (Aziza) and three brothers (Saleh, Hamid, Ishak, and Ismail).
  • So Proud of You: Says this to Hamid when he returns from Prague, telling him that he tried his best to save their sister.

     Saleh Amoun al-Tahan 

     Saleh Ibrahim al-Tahan 

     Yoshida Shoin 
  • Alchemy Is Magic
  • Arc Villain: For the beginning of season 4.
  • Early-Bird Cameo: One of his instruments, a metal tentacled monster, appears fairly early in the series.
  • Insufferable Genius: A skilled alchemist, and boast about it.
  • No One Sees the Boss: None of the people working for him seem to know what he actually looks like.
  • Sinister Surveillance: Seem to be watching the party through a series of camera-esque devices around the lighthouse.
  • Troll: Greets the party with a banner reading "Welcome Intruders!" and ugly suits tailored to each of them.
  • Weather Manipulation: According to Wilde, he's behind the coastal storms that have been keeping many people landlocked.

     Thomas Edison 
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