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Harry S. Plinkett
I love The Empire Strikes Back so much. I fucked it.
Played by: Mike Stoklasa
A senile and insane old man who enjoys taking apart both bad movies and hookers.

  • The Alcoholic: Specifically states he is one, and whenever he mentions drinking he will invariably and instantly collapse.
    Plinkett: Maybe I just need another vodka gimlet *crashing noises* OH FU-
  • Anything That Moves: He's mentioned attraction to a variety of things, including hookers, George Lucas, Indian children, his granddaughter Crystal, the Millennium Falcon, Neimoidians, the Olsen Twins, and his cat.
  • Asshole Victim: Plinkett DOES suffer some retribution at times like when he reviewed Baby's Day Out and near the end of the review, he begins to lose what little of his sanity he had left.
  • Ax-Crazy: Dear Lord. His favorite pastime is kidnapping and murdering hookers.
  • Been There, Shaped History: A Running Gag in the Titanic (1997) review, where Plinkett claims to have sold various items to historical figures of the 20th century.
    Plinkett:Taft, you fuck! You bought your clothes at the Portly Gentleman Used Clothing Store! You cheapskate! I know it because I sold it to you!
  • Bestiality Is Depraved: He likes to fuck his cat.
  • The Bluebeard: "Now I'm the last guy to be talking about love, because most of my relationships seem to end up in several different trash bags."
  • Breathless Non Sequitur: All the time. Often involving disturbing details about his personal life.
  • Catch Phrase:
  • Caustic Critic: Played straight in the Star Wars reviews, as he really hates the prequels, but downplayed in the Crystal Skull and Titanic reviews as Plinkett is a bit kinder to them. A bit.
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: Plinkett is senile and seems to have trouble telling reality and his fantasies apart. And then there's that time a pizza roll started talking to him...
  • A Date with Rosie Palms: Masturbates hard enough to destroy his television with his ejaculate in his Indiana Jones review, and later has "Pizza phone sex" in his The Force Awakens review.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Mike Stoklasa is a natural at this form of comedy and this carries over into the character of Plinkett.
  • Demonic Possession: Has apparently experienced it before. This could explains some of his... eccentricities.
  • Depraved Bisexual: Plinkett's presumably attracted to the hookers he kidnaps, but he casually mentions in the Revenge of the Sith review that he once made out with George Lucas and has expressed a admiration for William Shatner's merkins.
  • Dirty Old Man: Masturbates to the Olsen Twins. Hard enough to destroy his TV.
  • Evil Cripple: Usually depicted as wheel-chair bound and missing a leg but hell if that stops him from kidnapping and murdering prostitutes. Oh, and killing his first wife in a "car accident".
  • Evil Old Folks: He's old enough to remember the Titanic sinking. At least, he says he does.
  • Evil Sounds Deep: Whenever his blood lust or hatred of bad movies takes over. The rest of the time he just sounds like a stroke victim, which he is.
  • The Faceless: In the reviews themselves. Averted in official art and Revenge of Nadine.
  • Fan Boy: Of Star Trek, Star Wars and the medium of film in general.
  • Half-Human Hybrid: He's only half-pig.
  • Handicapped Badass: He's missing a leg in official art and is still capable of winning firefights with the police.
  • Incest Subtext: Star Trek (2009) is a guilty pleasure. So is his pole-dancing granddaughter, Crystal.
  • Make It Look Like an Accident: From his first review, it's clear that Plinkett arranged for the murder of his first wife by making it look like a car accident.
  • Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant:
  • Offing the Offspring: He killed his Vietnamese bastard with napalm during the Vietnam War.
  • Pet the Dog: His plea at the end of the Revenge of the Sith review for movies that rely on emotions and character rather than big budget commercial affairs that rely on special effects definitely comes across as this.
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: He makes many sexist remarks in his reviews to get his points across. Though, he apparently tries not to offend the disabled.
    Plinkett: Anakin is just sitting there like a retard. Oh can I still say "retard"? I mean "Anakin is just sitting there like an exceptional individual."
  • Pretty Fly for a White Guy: He squeezes gats 'til the clips are empty.
  • Serial Killer: He loves murdering prostitutes.
  • Sociopathic Soldier: In The Force Awakens review, he mentions that he was a colonel in Vietnam and in his "Star Trek V" commentary, he mentions he's been in "three or four wars" and later clarifies that he was in World War I, World War II, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War so there's the Soldier part. The Sociopathic part? He killed his Vietnamese bastard with napalm during the Vietnam War.
  • Title Scream: Every episode of Half in the Bag opens with Stoklasa's Plinkett voice saying "Half in the BaaAAAaaag".
  • Trademark Favourite Food: Pizza rolls. If you want one, email him on his web zone.
  • Unreliable Narrator: Can you really trust anything he says about his past?
  • Villain Protagonist: Harry S. Plinkett is an insane old man who regularly murders prostitutes and has killed at least one wife. He's also the guy who does the reviews. And, no, he doesn't act any better when he's reviewing, often peppering his reviews with unsubtle implications and short stories about his murderous "hobbies". The camera even cuts back at times to show him acting like the psychopath he is. One example is in his Attack of the Clones review where we get to see him force two screaming women to assemble five different puzzles after scattering the pieces across the floor in an hour or he'll stuff them in a refrigerator filled with flesh-eating cockroaches.
  • Voice of the Legion: His "scary voice."

Man-in-a-Black-Cloak-who-is-not-a-trademarked-character-of-Lucas-Limited aka "Palpy"
If you don't like the Star Wars prequels then you're stupidpants.
Played by: Mike Stoklasa

Played by: Jocelyn Ridgely

     Half in the Bag 

Lightning Fast VCR Repair
Two out-of-work VCR repairmen who make money by fleecing seniors who don't know how to operate DVD players.

Gooeelt? Gooey-elt? Gweelt? Guilt— no, that doesn't sound right.
Played by: Mike Stoklasa

  • The Alcoholic: He and Jay both qualify, but Mike takes it to an extreme. He forgoes bringing along critical survival gear with him to Mount Everest so he can pack more booze.
  • Author Appeal: He loves Star Trek, and he'll take any opportunity to reference it or compare another work to it.
  • Bad "Bad Acting": This is Mike's signature comedic style. Jay does this, too, but he's not as good at pretending to be a bad actor as Mike is.
  • Berserk Button: Mike, an Arizonian who moved to Wisconsin, can detect a whiff of condescension coming from Hollywood. Ordinarily stoic, he became quite livid when discussing White House Down, The Lone Ranger, and Grown Ups 2 back-to-back.
  • Big "NO!": Anytime Jay suggests that they do legitimate work, Mike will immediately cry out, "NOOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOooo!" defiantly.
  • Captain Obvious: Intentional. Mike will often say things like, "I went to see Movie at Theater," literally.
  • Catchphrase: Mike, in his lawyerly way, will always ask, "Are you suggesting that..." or "Jay, are you implying that...", as a lead-up to Jay openly accusing the filmmakers of being hacks, charlatans or worse.
    • "That's right, Jay!"
  • Deadpan Snarker: Mike Stoklasa appears to be this in Real Life, and it's a trait that all his characters share, but Mike on "Half In The Bag" plays it to a tee. He's usually able to get his co-host Jay to laugh without even cracking a smile himself, and any time he's called upon to show any kind of emotion, he always does it in a very phony and insincere way. He also likes to say things that he knows will piss off his audience (i.e. Dr. Seuss is overrated and The Muppets are for babies).
    • Corpsing: Jay finally gets Mike to really laugh (after 45 episodes) during the Haunted House discussion, which segues into a riff on the Seltzer and Friedberg films (ironically, it's about how unfunny their jokes are). Jay is clearly taken aback by how hard Mike is laughing, even starting to ask him "Did your brain...", before being overcome with laughter himself.
    • invoked In the review for Movie 43'', they go Up to Eleven in snarking, talking about how "clever" the writing was, complete with Laugh Track galore, finally saying things like eating dog poop or leaky periods are not supposed to win Oscars.
    • And in the review of Star Trek Into Darkness, Mike laughed the hardest he ever has in a video... when Jay refers to the villain as Benedict Cabbagepatch.
  • Death Seeker: Has stated in their review of That's My Boy that his dream is to one day die from watching an Adam Sandler movie, and actively chooses to watch them in theaters in hope that his soul may someday be released.
  • The Eeyore: Whenever the state of modern filmmaking comes up.
  • Hidden Depths: Mike is a surprisingly good voice actor.
  • Kubrick Stare: Gives one at the beginning of their review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon.
  • The Nicknamer: During the merchandise promotional videos, Mike consistently refers to Jay as "Susan."
  • Perma-Stubble: Pretty much always has this look.
  • Talking the Monster to Death: How he finally defeats George Lucas, by telling him that he will never be able to erase the original, unedited Star Wars trilogy from people's memory. This realization causes Lucas's head to explode.
  • Your Costume Needs Work: The one time Mike used the Mr. Plinkett voice on-camera, Jay told him that it was a terrible Plinkett impression.

My life is an empty shell.
Played by: Jay Bauman

  • Badass Beard: Goes between having one of these and being clean shaven.
  • Boy Meets Ghoul: Was dating the ghost girl who used to work at the VCR repair shop.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: His lifelong dream is to be a lighthouse.
    • In general, Jay definitely goes for more "weird" humor than deadpan Mike.
  • Deadpan Snarker: A close second to Mike in this area.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Jay, who's spent most of the series exploiting, belittling, abusing, and even attempting to murder Plinkett, objects to Mike trying to take advantage of his recent meth addiction. Though how much of this is due to genuine concern or because the story demanded it is unknown.
    • Jerk With A Heart Of Jerk: In a scene, Jay demands three months of pay up front from Plinkett, whereas Mike only demanded one. Mike butts in with this comment:
      Jay, I thought I was the monster!
      • It's heavily implied it was a deliberate Ass Pull - when Mike asks, "You smoke crack?!" Jay shrugs and replies, "Sure, whatever." invoked
  • Murder Is the Best Solution: When Mike and Jay gets a costumer that actually demands that they behave honestly:
    Jay: Let's talk about movies before that mean old lady gets back.
    Mike: Jay, are you saying you want to murder her?
    Jay: Yes!
  • Nightmare Fetishist: Jay loves weird, artsy, and disturbing movies like The VVitch, and he also has a very strong preference for the Nothing Is Scarier trope.
  • Straight Man

Harry S. "Fake" Plinkett
Maybe I should've drowned my wife. Then I'd still have my Caddy.
Played by: Rich Evans

  • Beware the Silly Ones: Wanting revenge against Mike and Jay for leaving him to freeze to death on a mountain-side in Nepal, he decides to brutally murder them both. Fortunately for the duo he can't see out of his glasses as they are covered in frost during his attempt, so he ends up killing Rich and Jack in a gory fashion instead.
  • Cane Fu: He manages to fend off a katana-wielding Nadine with his cane. Though the rocket chair helped.
  • The Chew Toy: This Plinkett has essentially been flanderized into this trope on Half in the Bag. He's still creepy and a pervert, but he's generally portrayed as ineffectual. He's suffering from amnesia, and is abused by Jay and Mike on a regular basis, up to attempted murder. He even shows some form of genuine affection for them in some episodes.
  • Couch Gag: Plinkett knocking over the beers at the start of each episode.
  • Depraved Bisexual: Has several ex-wives and expressed attraction to men, including Jay and a volcano god, but he's still a disgusting and perverted criminal.
  • Divine Date: The Maze Runner: The Death Cure review reveals that his longevity is due to nightly trysts with the volcano god Xandu.
  • The Dog Bites Back: During the A Good Day to Die Hard review:
    Plinkett: I'm just watching the end of the movie on my iPad... These things are great. You know all about it - yours is in my TV. (chuckles) I sure loved watching the same movie 68 times tonight. Maybe that'll teach you fucks not to LIE to me.
  • Jerk With A Heart Of Jerk
  • Not-So-Harmless Villain: The Pixels review shows us that he is still a violent serial killer at heart.
  • Pet the Dog: Plinkett of all people literally pets a dog at some point. Okay, it was a VCR he mistook for a dog, but still.
  • Revolvers Are Just Better: He uses one to kill Rich in the Pixels review.
  • Sunglasses at Night
  • They Killed Kenny Again: Subverted. Plinkett has seemingly been killed numerous times, but he either survives (such as being buried under the floorboards), or it's a case of mistaken identity. Xandu has been keeping him alive, as it turns out.

George Lucas
"Does anyone else smell flannel and B.O.?"
Played by: Rich Evans

  • Big Bad: George Lucas fills this role here also, with requisite Lampshade Hanging from Mike and Jay, of course.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: He tries to kill Mike and Alexandre O. Philippe for "saying mean things" about him.
  • Evil Gloating: "I am going to explain to you my sinister plot."
    Jay: (completely deadpan) We don't care.
  • Evil Smells Bad: You can smell his plaid shirts coming from a mile away, according to Plinkett and other characters.
  • Hiss Before Fleeing: George Lucas does this when scared off by the original release of Star Wars.
  • Line-of-Sight Name: In his quest to destroy every copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special, he once infiltrated Comic-Con under the name "Paul Superman" after seeing a Superman cosplayer walking by.
  • No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Gives one to a hapless attendee of the Chicago Comic Con who was carrying a copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special.
  • Prima Donna Director: He personally tries to hunt down and destroy every copy of the pre-Special Edition Star Wars because it interferes with his vision.
  • Your Head A-Splode: The realization that he can never destroy every copy of the original Star Wars causes his face to melt off before multiple small explosions destroy his head. The blood stain from this is visible on the wall for the rest of the series.

Comic Book Guy Rich Evans

Played by: Rich Evans
A fan of comic books that helps Mike and Jay review the Amazing Spider Man movies.

  • Back from the Dead: Appears to have been brutally getting shot to death by Mike with a Klingon disruptor at the end of The Amazing Spider-Man Review. But then shows up for the Transcendence/The Amazing Spider-Man 2 reviews. It turns out the Klingon disruptor is a toy, and the whole death scene was in Jay and Mike's minds.
  • Big Damn Heroes: Saves Mike and Jay from two hitmen with a Klingon Disruptor.
  • Face–Heel Turn: Once he discovers that Mike and Jay are VCR Repairman, he attempts to contact the conspiracy working against them.
  • Promoted Fanboy: In-universe, he sells off his comic store and moves to New York to become an actual comic book artist. Alas, its working for Little Orphan Annie.

Fuck-Bot 5000
Played by: Jack Packard
A character that originated in Red Letter Media's contribution to The 48 Hour Film Project in 2011, Fuck-Bot 5000 does exactly what its name implies.

Officer Rich Klasowski

Played by: Rich Evans

A Milwaukee Police Officer that is sent to investigate "Lighting-Fast VCR Repair" after a sulfur factory complains about the strange smell there. Mike and Jay distract him by discussing the Robocop movies.

Game Store Rich and Jack

Played by: Rich Evans and Jack Packard

Two video game nerds who begin renting the Lighting Fast VCR space when Mike and Jay are still in Plinkett's house. They run Previously Played, the store that replaces the VCR repair shop.

  • Bloody Hilarious: Their deaths.
  • Boom, Headshot!: Rich's fate, after being shot repeatedly in the chest.
  • Cruel and Unusual Death: Rich is shot repeatedly in the chest and head with a revolver, and Jack is disemboweled with a kitchen knife.
  • Fat and Skinny: Well, Rich being the larger, and Jack as the tall thin guy.
  • Eviler Than Thou: They are even bigger conniving Jerkasses than Mike and Jay.
  • Jerkass: They steal the shop from Mike and Jay and then refuse to pay them for working there, among other things.
  • Karmic Death: Both of them are horribly murdered by Mr. Plinkett at the end of the Pixels review after refusing to pay Mike and Jay for their work.
  • Similar Squad: Rich and Jack to Mike and Jay. They're both in the repair business, big fans of geek culture, and like to talk about movies.

VCR Repairman Rich

Played by: Rich Evans

A VCR repairman hired to run Lightning Fast VCR Repair when Jay and Mike go missing on the mountain.

  • Driven to Suicide: He takes the realization that he's set to work a dead end job for eternity pretty hard.
  • Immortality: Granted everlasting life by aliens.

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