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The main cast:

    Marten Reed
The main, or at least central, character of the strip, Marten is an aficionado of indie music who starts off the story by running into a girl named Faye. A few strips later, her apartment building has somehow burned down and she moves in with him — their relationship becomes one of the central cogs of the strip for years, as the two bicker, semi-flirt, flirt, argue and more. He meets her sexy boss Dora, forming a Love Triangle, which is complicated when Marten and Dora finally hook up. He and Dora finally break up, sending them into different relationships.

Although he can snark with the best of them, most of the time he is a Nice Guy who is very accepting of others. On the downside, his lack of ambition and tendency to be too much of a doormat can also create problems.

  • Author Avatar: Originally based on Jeph's personality, though this is less true after a certain point.
  • Amicable Exes: Is once again friends with Dora, to the confusion of Gabby and some fans. Jeph points this out in the comments that people find this odd.
  • Apologises a Lot: Goes together with his Extreme Doormat tendencies. Examples include:
  • Big Brother Instinct: Feels protective towards Momo after she gets her chassis upgrade.
  • Birds of a Feather: Shared a lot of his lifestyle and interests with Dora while they were going out.
  • Can't Tie His Tie: For his dad's wedding, he struggles with a necktie, and Claire offers to help...and she doesn't know how either. Fortunately, it's a casual event.
  • The Ditherer: This about sums it up. Seems to be getting better through his relationship with Claire.
  • Embarrassing Middle Name: Possibly averted; his mother wanted to call him 'Marten Tiberius Reed'. We don't know his real middle name, but apparently Marten's father chose it, and his mother does not approve.
  • Extreme Doormat: It can be surprising how much he lets people get away with. He ''does'' have his limits, as Pintsize can attest to:
  • The Generic Guy: He has no real outstanding features other than his lack of a spine/ being the nicest character in the series. Well, that and his tendency to be a Cosmic Chew Toy (at least as far as his relationships go after his break-up with Dora). Until he gets together with Claire.
  • Has Two Mommies:
    • Well, he was not raised with two, but he does eventually have two fathers when his father remarries another guy. Marten is cheerful about the idea.
    • And gets even more cheerful about his mom dating Jim. "I could end up with three dads! That's, like, so many dads!"
  • Heroes Want Redheads: Claire, starting around strip #2800, and teased beforehand.
  • In Love with Love: He really does want to find a girl and settle down with her. He's not the type for one night stands or casual affairs. Tai sort-of steers him into one at one stage, and he doesn't feel happy about it afterwards
  • Nice Guy: Played relatively straight. He's kind, noble to a fault, and people tend to walk all over him. Some of the flaws of this character type are discussed (overall weakness and mediocrity), but he's still the kindest person in the strip by far. Briefly averted here.
  • Non-Action Guy: Except for the time he whacked the monk with the souffle pan, he's shown pretty much zero physical skills.
  • Out of Focus: Though originally the main character of the strip, ever since entering a mostly drama free relationship with Claire he has appeared less and less while the spotlight shifts over to Bubbles and Faye. Nowadays Marten's appearances are more sporadic, usually to give advice or support whenever Faye and Bubbles go back to their apartment but months can go by in real time before he actually appears in a strip or has anything to do.
  • Pungeon Master: Annoys his friends with many an Incredibly Lame Pun. Luckily, he finds a like-minded soul in Claire.
  • Satellite Character: Attempts to avert his Out of Focus status turn him into this. Unless his unlucky relationship history is brought up, he is either defined by being Claire's super understanding boyfriend or Faye's super understanding friend/roommate.
  • Spell My Name with an "S": His name is Marten. Not Martin.
  • Straight Man: Primarily to Faye, but to the others as well.
  • Understanding Boyfriend: Perhaps a bit too understanding. Still, despite being very indecisive, and tending to go with the flow, is a guy just about any girl could be happy with.

    Faye Whitaker
Marten's friend and eventual roommate. Inaugurates the strip's shift into Cerebus Syndrome in an arc starting in strip #500, which reveals her Dark and Troubled Past and sets up years of Unresolved Sexual Tension with Marten. Faye is tough, stubborn and argumentative, but is noticeably-weak when it comes to being insulted herself. Though Marten is nominally the main character, Faye has undergone far more Character Development, which is probably why she's the only core cast member who never falls Out of Focus for very long.
  • The Alcoholic: She's depicted in-universe as one, although for most of the story she's a Hard-Drinking Party Girl prone to binge drinking. Only after a notable Trauma Conga Line does she start displaying real symptoms of dependency and after her drinking at work gets her fired, she goes on a binge and ends up in hospital with alcohol poisoning, since when she has been a Recovered Addict.
  • Ambiguously Bi: She makes some appreciative comments about Marigold's attributes, then starts to develop an exceptionally affectionate relationship with Bubbles, an AI who presents as female. Discussed when they freely admit that this is new territory for both of them, and finally zig-zagged when Faye decides that she is, in fact, bisexual.
  • Armored Closet Gay: Well, bi, but a talk with Spookybot implies that before her friendship with Bubbles got to the point where she couldn't deny that the AI was her Closet Key anymore, she'd felt attraction to other girls, but it was usually during a point when she was already in a relationship, so she sublimated the attraction into sass.
  • Brainy Brunette: One of the most articulate characters in the series, and known for her frequent witty remarks. Appropriately, she has brown hair and wears black glasses.
  • Broken Bird:
    • She has deep problems. Her Disappeared Dad is just the start; she may or may not have tried to kill herself (she was in a car accident, and the memory loss from the concussion means she's not sure if it was intentional or not).
    • Additionally, since she and Angus ended their relationship, she appeared to have sunk into full-blown alcoholism. Granted, Pintsize has been enabling her, but it's still more than a little self-destructive... to the point that Dora fires her for drinking on the job, causing her to go home, turn off Pintsize and drink so much, the next thing she remembers is waking up in the hospital. Since giving up drink and starting to attend AA meetings, she has become much less fatalistic and self-destructive.
  • Characterization Marches On: It seems that Jeph decided early on that Faye would have psychological problems in her past that push her to drink, but that they might not have been fleshed out in the beginning. Early on in the comic, she shows signs of past sexual abuse, being extremely defensive around men, and acting very uncomfortable if touched unexpectedly by either gender, even from something as simple as a hug. Later on, this behavior is mostly dropped in favor of trauma from seeing her father shoot himself in front of her.
    • However, that same trauma finally contributes to a rather awesome arc of Character Development, with the arc starting in #500-509 and finally reaching a conclusion in #4279, when Faye realises that she wouldn't trade how happy she is with Bubbles for having her father back, and breaks down in tears.
      Faye: [weeping against Bubbles] I'm sorry. I'm sorry, dad, but it's true.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Of the "caustic" variety.
  • Dogged Nice Guy: She persistently attempts to befriend Bubbles despite initial resistance, and it successfully gets her to open up.
  • Disappeared Dad: He killed himself right in front of her. No one knows why.
  • Drowning My Sorrows: Tends to be a fan of coping like this. Goes off the deep end after her breakup with Angus.
  • Expository Hairstyle Change: After discovering her bisexuality with Bubbles, Faye acquires a cowlick which she didn't have before.
    Faye: You gave me permanent sex hair
    Bubbles: [smug smile] As I said, I find it quite charming.
  • If It's You, It's Okay: Her attraction to Bubbles is presented as this. It confuses the heck out of her until Marten helps her realize that her feelings towards someone are more important than what she previously thought of as her orientation:
    Marten: Don't take this the wrong way, but I've seen how you and Bubbles are around each other. I've been basically waiting for it to come up.
    Faye: ffffffff... Okay, let's say, for the sake of argument, hypothetically, it might be possible. What am I supposed to do?
    Faye: ...Shut up.
    Marten: I didn't say anything.
    • Zig-zagged later, when she realises that she's probably been bi all along, and has been sublimating her attraction to other women under a facade of "bein' a sassy bitch."
  • A Friend in Need: Faye is this to Bubbles, who is starting to seem like she appreciates it.
  • I Need to Go Iron My Dog: Flustered by her epiphany about Bubbles, she give Bubbles a suspicious excuse to leave with a guilty look on her face:
    Bubbles: Is something the matter?
    Faye: Nope! I'm fine! Just a lil', um, leg cramp! Gonna walk it off! Be back soon!
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She eventually becomes this after finding true love with Bubbles. After 4000 strips, Faye is much more sympathetic and less abrasive to other people than she was in the first 3000 or so.
  • Klatchian Coffee: Faye likes her coffee so strong that when Sam asks if she can have her coffee the way Faye has it, Dora informs her "You will literally die if you drink that."
  • Lady Looks Like a Dude: For a time after taking up her job at the robot repair shop, Faye's design changed to look exactly like the stereotype of a Butch Lesbian (short, over-styled hair, ripped physique, masculine clothes). This was toned down, but still has some presence in her look. While not necessarily an expression of her sexual orientation, since she'd only dated men before, let's just say a can of worms was opened around the same time she got the look...when she started becoming closer to Bubbles.
  • Love Epiphany: Even after various signs, Faye remains oblivious to the chemistry between her and Bubbles. Then in comic 3733, when she's getting a backrub from Bubbles and feels their bodies touch, her eyes widen and she imagines a bunch of Tetris blocks rearranging themselves into a heart. "Everything falls into place."
  • Manic Pixie Dream Girl: A non-romantic one (at least initially) to Bubbles. Despite the dour Bubbles having absolutely no desire to go out and have friends, Faye incessantly hounds Bubbles to try to get her to open up. Justified in that Faye has bitter experience what not opening up to people turns her into; ultimately Reconstructed in that when Faye's issues return and she starts to fall off the wagon, Bubbles is able to help her, which cements their friendship, makes them both more stable and leads ultimately to their Relationship Upgrade.
  • The Nicknamer: "Mar-Mar," "Hanners," "Penny...", "Spookybot", "Bubs", etc. This is called out when Marigold first visits Coffee of Doom and Faye sets to giving her a nickname.
    • When Hannelore returns from her sabbatical around the world and is noticeably tanned, Faye instantly dubs her "Tannelore".
  • Oblivious to Love: It takes her ages to even suspect that Bubbles could have developed an attraction to her, and partly out of her lingering Broken Bird tendencies she chooses quickly to reject that such a notion could be true. She also misses hints from multiple people that she and Bubbles should get together. In 3733 she has a moment of clarity about her feelings that hits her like a ton of bricks.
  • Recovered Addict: After her alcoholism nearly ruins her, she gives up the drink and works on recovering.
  • Scars Are Forever: She has a scar just above her right breast resulting from a car crash (which may or may not have been a suicide attempt, as she can't remember the moments just before the crash) and the stitches needed to close up the injury.
  • Southern Belle: Parodied. Faye hails from Georgia, and is prone to hamming up her accent, complaining about "fits o' the vapours" and referring to Massachusetts as "The Godless North" for comedic value, as well as showing extreme defensiveness when anyone badmouths the South, but otherwise is the near exact opposite of a Southern Belle.
  • The Teetotaler: Her drinking got to the point she had to give it up entirely.
  • Tsundere: She actually wears a shirt saying "Tsundere" from time to time. Purchased by Hannelore here.
  • Rhymes on a Dime: Bursts out with spontaneous poetry on multiple occasions, particularly when drunk.
  • Stepford Snarker: She seems to have started using her biting sarcasm as a defense or coping mechanism, until it became purely reflexive.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: The vast majority of her friendships could be seen as such, especially earlier in the comic.
  • Weight Woe:
    • Her body image issues are frequently brought up, and made somewhat worse by her hanging out with the eternally skinny Dora and Hannelore. She starts feeling better about it when she joins a gym.
    • Once she finds job satisfaction doing heavy and difficult mechanical work i.e. repairing robots for a living, her body image issues sort of resolved themselves:
      Dora: Faye got wicked buff and has a super-butch haircut and it is hot as shit.
      Tai: It's okay, babe. We can ogle her together.
    • Faye: So whatcha been talkin' about while I was in there dealin' with assdick?note 
      Claire: Oh, just body-image stuff. You know.
      Faye: Oh yeah. Shit sucks. I fight mine by constantly hollerin' about how great my ass is.
    • A lot of this may have been in her head to begin with, as several characters like Angus or Clinton don't hesitate to call her hot.
  • Wrench Wench: Faye shows her mechanical skills several times throughout the comic, eventually putting them to use in an underground robot-fighting ring. She later opens a robot repair shop with Bubbles.
  • Yaoi Fangirl: She provided the booze when Marten mentioned that Steve gets homoerotic when drunk.

    Dora Bianchi
The owner of the local coffee shop (Coffee of Doom) at which Faye eventually finds employment. Ramps up the Unresolved Sexual Tension by having a thing for Marten. They eventually resolved it and got together until Dora's insecurity and possessiveness ended it. She had a date with Jim, but eventually ended up with Tai as her next partner.
  • Amicable Exes: With Marten, somewhat surprisingly, but she may just have become kinder since their breakup.
  • Benevolent Boss: Every single one of her employees is a close personal friend of hers. Although she gives a speech about how sometimes she has to be a Bad Boss, it's pretty clear that she gives everyone more freedom than she probably should.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: While she is a relatively Benevolent Boss, she has her limits. She fires Faye, of all people, on the spot for drinking on the job, though she relents a little when Faye ends up drinking herself into the hospital, saying that she's not "officially fired until the insurance pays for this"
  • Birds of a Feather: With Marten. Formerly.
  • Broken Bird: While she has problems with Sven stemming from some jealousy, Dora's really had a terrible string of horrible boyfriends that caused the possessiveness and the insecurities which she never dealt with or had treated. As a consequence, she can't hold a relationship with Marten together and it was what broke them up. Fortunately, they remained amicable.
  • Clingy Jealous Girl: Is this in spades. It tends to destroy all of her personal relationships.
  • Cool Big Sis: She's older than Faye, Marten, et al, and she's laid-back and understanding when she isn't being a Clingy Jealous Girl or a Fangirl. Sven points out that, before she addresses her issues, a lot of it is a cover for said issues - however, Hannelore, one of the youngest members of the regular cast, does genuinely trigger her protective instincts.
  • Doomy Dooms of Doom: Named her coffee shop "Coffee Of Doom". Inside is the "Restroom of Doom".
  • Local Hangout: Not her, just her business.
  • Lookalike Lovers: When she dyes her hair black, she looks just like Marten, which has been commented on In-Universe. Hilariously parodied in a rule 63 guest comic.
  • My Girl Is a Slut: Makes all the sex jokes that (stereotypically) would be assigned to guys.
  • Perky Goth: In the beginning, at least. There are allusions that she used to be a more traditional Goth.
  • Pet's Homage Name: She owns a cat named Miéville
  • Prone to Sunburn: Back in her more goth days in the early strips, she didn't get a lot of sun, and pays for it.
    Dora: Dammit, I'm half Italian! We're supposed to tan, not burn!
    Faye: Dora, you probably got more sun today than you have in the last six months. This is what happens when you shun our mother star!
  • Stepford Smiler: Type A. Sven explains it in detail, although Dora herself alluded to it a lot earlier. The Cool Big Sis thing is largely an act.
  • The Unfair Sex: Her many double standards is the most visible factor that eventually ended her relationship with Marten, often calling him out on minor things while not thinking twice about doing similar or worse things back.
  • Took a Level in Kindness: Admits to Faye that maintaining Coffee of Doom's general level of snarky hostility was burning her out, and that she has worked to make the place more welcoming.
  • Workaholic: She takes on a lot of the work involved in running Coffee of Doom on herself. Particularly after Faye gets fired, where it gets to the point that her employees really want her to take a day off.
  • Yaoi Fangirl: When Marten let slip that Steve gets homoerotic when drunk, she immediately ordered them to replicate the event in question.

An "Anthro-PC"—basically a computer in a robot body and with enough AI to be sentient — Pintsize started off as the zany comic relief before evidently getting an overdose of 4chan. Now he's still Plucky Comic Relief, but in a more sinister way.
  • A.I. Is a Crapshoot: Not quite evil (possibly only due to lack of opportunity), but at the very least is definitely not what anyone was expecting when they wanted to create a sapient AI.
  • Anything That Moves: Zig-Zagged. He'll hit on anything that seems female, whether it be human, robot, animal, or a non-intelligent robotic limb. But in an early storyline, he gets weirded out after realizing he was hitting on a boy robot, though he seemed to get over it pretty quickly and maintained interest in the robot in question.
  • The Artifact: Quite literally with his chassis. Of the main AI characters, Pintsize hasn't elected to get a more humanoid shell like Momo and Winslow have. He's happy the way he is, and feels being more humanoid would make people project more responsibility on him than he wants.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Despite all his many... quirks, he is actually quite good at his job.
  • Character Blog: Like many characters in the strip, he has a Twitter account. Notably, virtually every post he makes is Schmuck Bait to some image that even /d/ would not touch.
  • Face Death with Dignity: When Faye walks up to him carrying her welding equipment, he takes (what he assumes to be) his impending doom quite well:
    Pintsize: I knew this day would come. Please make it quick.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Not exactly evil, but definitely amusingly twisted.
  • The Hedonist: To the point of eating cake and cake batter, in spite of having no digestive tract.
  • Hidden Depths: For all his foibles, he actually takes his role as a companion A.I. to Marten seriously, discussing the matter practically and professionally with Momo.
    Word of God: Pintsize has hidden depths. Unfortunately they are full of porn.
  • Intrigued by Humanity: How he explains his 4chan obsession.
    "Think about it! Rule 34 is the ultimate expression of human creativity! Creating porn of ANYTHING THE HUMAN MIND CAN CONCEIVE is an endeavor on par with colonizing the stars or tapping into the secrets of the universe!"
  • I Should Have Been Better: Pintsize reveals in Comic 3826 that he regrets not doing more to help out Marten during his relationship with Dora, and feels like his attempts to make nice with Claire are his way of making up for failing Marten regarding Dora.
  • Jerkass/Large Ham: Most of the time, with exceptions.
  • Killer Rabbit: His chassis is military-grade. The design was rejected because civilians might mistake it for harmless in the same way landmines are mistaken for toys.
  • Nightmare Fetishist: Pretty much literally, as seen here.
  • Obfuscating Insanity: not actually crazy (though pretty disturbed), he does tend to come off as entirely wacky/crazy when he is, in fact, much more on the ball than anyone realizes.
  • Online Alias: He has a tinder profile under the name Beucephalus and the age 69.
  • Out of Focus: Lampshaded in 2332.
  • Pet the Dog: is capable of totally spontaneous acts of kindness, such as handing over the proceeds of the party to Faye to do up her room.
  • Plucky Comic Relief: For the better part of his appearances, he just shows up for the punchline.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The Red to Winslow's Blue.
  • Restored My Faith in Humanity: By his own account, pooping catgirls gives him hope for humanity.
  • Robot Buddy: It's quite literally his job. He was Marten's only friend for two years, but after Steven and Faye came along, he was pretty much left alone to do his own thing.
  • "Second Law" My Ass!: Ordering him to do something —- or more likely, not to do something -— has precisely zero effect. His habit of trolling everyone and his sometimes self-destructive hijinks show an absence of the other two Laws.
  • Shoo Out the Clowns: Him appearing powered down is one hint that bad things are happening.
  • The Unchosen One: In a way. Turns out the compatibility test to determine the ideal robot companion for Marten gave inaccurate results. Marten and Pintsize only discover this years later, after they have already grown accustomed to each other. Marten's actual ideal Robot Buddy would have been a robot whale.
  • Wacky Guy: Well, robot. Though he goes through a phase where he worries that this is literally his only purpose, he gets over it.

    Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham
A young lady Marten meets in a bar, who turns out to be his upstairs neighbor. Germophobic, adorably neurotic and born to a Mad Scientist father and a Corrupt Corporate Executive mother, she naturally became a fan favorite. She is slowly getting over some of her issues with the help of her friends. She is romantically lonely but not far enough past her germophobia and other issues to seek out a partner — yet. Leaves the comic to travel the world in 3649. Comes back in 4047.

    Marigold Louise Farmer
An Occidental Otaku who lives near Dora's coffee shop. Her room is always a mess. Sometimes known as "Mar-bear", which totally isn't confusing when you consider that there's a Marten in the strip already. She suffers from poor hygiene, poor self-esteem, and social anxiety.

Coffee of Doom:

    Raven Pritchard
An employee at Coffee Of Doom, most known for her antics and for matching perfectly the Dumb Blonde stereotype, except for not being blonde. Or dumb. Except when she is.
  • Awesome Mc Coolname: "Raven" is her real middle name, not a nickname.
  • Disney Creatures of the Farce: Faye references this when Raven is especially nice about a grumpy customer.
  • Does Not Understand Sarcasm: Unless she does.
    Raven: Hey, I like your shoes! Where'd you get them?
    Hannelore: Uh, thanks? I bought them online.
    Raven: Wow, you can buy SHOES on the INTERNET? I totally didn't know that!
    Hannelore: Faye, is she being sarcastic?
    Faye: Your guess is as good as mine. Raven is the Drunken Master of ridicule.
  • Embarrassing First Name: She goes by her middle name because her actual first name is "Blodwyn".
  • Genius Ditz: She sometimes gives clear indications that she's a lot smarter than she appears, but will then go right back to being a ditz. For instance, she went back to school to pursue a degree in physics... and wore a lab coat during a theory class because it seemed more sciencey that way. Jeph describes her on the comic's cast page as "Coffee of Doom's resident idiot savant."
  • Perky Goth: Sort of. When she was still a goth she wasn't perky at all, but she was a Perky Emo for a while.
  • Put on a Bus: She disappeared for over a year real-time after going back to school. After only a handful of appearances, she's back on the bus.
  • Really Gets Around: Moreso than anyone but Sven.
  • The Bus Came Back: For the summer, at least (which with Webcomic Time, could be several years).

    Penelope Gaines
A bookstore employee shanghaied into barista duty. Squabbles with Faye a lot. May or may not be Pizza Girl, the pizza-delivering superhero. Most of the others suspect Penelope is her secret identity. If Penelope in strip 1932 is to be believed, it isn't. Used to show up a fair bit as a grouchier side character, but all but vanished for a time after hooking up with the weak-willed, old-fashioned Wil. She has come back into focus somewhat.
  • Art Evolution: After a disappearance from the comic, she returned with a darker strawberry blonde hair color.
  • Got Volunteered:
    • The others thought it would be funny to shanghai her into working at the coffee shop. She got fired from her bookstore job that night, so she came back full time.
    • Happened again when Dora announced that Penelope would replace Faye as assistant manager, apparently without asking Penelope whether she was interested.
  • Hyper-Competent Sidekick: As soon as Dora promotes her to Assistant Manager, she shows immediate signs of this.
  • Pass the Popcorn: She asks Faye and Dora to hold off on an argument while she makes popcorn, and during the blowup, she's seen eating it.
  • The Reliable One: Penelope is so good at doing her job without causing drama or shenanigans that the other characters seemingly forget that she exists for hundreds of strips at a time.
  • Straw Atheist: Her parents were hardcore fundies, causing her to be firmly against anything without a rational scientific basis. This causes some friction with Wil.
  • Those Two Girls: Became this with Cosette after the latter started at Coffee of Doom.

    Cosette Hurlbut
A Cute Clumsy Girl who does not benefit from the trope's usual immunity to collateral damage. She was first introduced in 1322 accidentally asking Marten out, and then did not appear again until 1430, when Marten offered to hook her up with Steve. They do get together, but due to an accident and in Decompressed Comic time it's not until 1543. Eventually starts working at Coffee of Doom, but has largely been absent from the strip.
  • Clingy Jealous Girl: She can get like this at times, such as when she angrily tells Padma that Steve is hers, or when she glowers over her friend Luna's suggestion that rushing into a relationship with him would be a bit hasty.
    Marten: Jesus, I thought she was going to go all Temple of Doom on you and pull your heart out of your chest!
  • Character Development: She matures a lot during the process of her relationship with Steve.
  • Cute Clumsy Girl: Tripped down the stairs while looking at a picture of Steve.
  • Doom Magnet: It's mentioned in passing that all of her previous places of employment went up in flames after she got hired.
  • Those Two Girls: Became this with Penelope after starting at Coffee of Doom.

Another pizza delivery guy (among other things). A member of the Alliance, which makes him the natural enemy of Horde member Marigold. He begins a semi-Friendly Rivalry with her online after she stiffs him on a tip over this. Became a barista for the Coffee of Doom in 2530, and hooks up with Marigold later.

The Secret Bakery:

Manager of The Secret Bakery. She and Faye like to spar. She and Marten had a brief relationship that ended on a sour note.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Is prone to starting unannounced fake fights and posing cinematically on dangerous cliffs.
  • Comically Missing the Point: Prone to this. Assuming Momo was Marten's daughter, for example—even after she found out Momo was a robot.
    Padma: You got a robot pregnant!?
  • Oblivious to Love: Specifically to Elliot's.
  • Put on a Bus: She moves away to take care of her grandmother. Neither she nor Marten handle the impending end of their relationship well and the break is fractious, but Marten eventually contacts her again and they at least appear to be on speaking terms. After her grandmother passes away, she gets engaged to some "tech-bro", according to Renee.

Another employee at the Secret Bakery, and also the bouncer at the Horrible Revelation. Formerly in love with Padma, following his reintroduction he is now crushing on both Brun and Clinton. Lives in the same building as Roko and Melon.
  • Apologises a Lot: He gets anxious easily and can end up apologizing profusely if he feels he made a faux pas.
    Clinton: Seriously, it's fine. Please stop apologizing.
    Elliot: Okay. Sorry. I mean— yes. Right. Good.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: He's as nice as can be, but if you start something violent while he's on duty he'll use his tremendous strength to straighten you out the hard way.
  • Bouncer: Elliot is a very professional and thoughtful sort of bouncer, who understands that his job should be about de-escalation and minimum force. (He comes across as thinking more deeply about this than about anything else, except possibly bread recipes.) However, he is capable of escalating to as much force as is ever required.
  • The Bus Came Back: Disappears after Padma's subplot and returns a thousand pages later for Brun's.
  • But for Me, It Was Tuesday: Elliot accidentally crushes Clinton's robot hand, and Clinton covers for him to Elliot's boss. When Elliot asks why, Clinton states that he's returning the favor for the time he and Emily were on a date, an angry drunk punched Clinton, and Elliot immediately threw him out of the bar. Elliot, being a bouncer, ejects belligerent drunks from the bar he works at all the time and has no memory of this event.
  • Cannot Spit It Out: He sits on his feelings for Padma for a long time and gets turned down when he finally says something to her. Now that he's developing a bit of a crush on Brun he can only sort of talk to her, and he has an even harder time with Clinton.
  • Crush Blush: When he thinks about Brun, either as being "fastidious" or as a "friendship fairy".
  • Even the Guys Want Him: He's gotten major Ship Tease with Clinton.
  • Foil: Elliot, who is thoughtful and cautious to a fault, is often paired in scenes with his coworker Renee, who rarely thinks before she speaks.
  • Gentle Giant: Has a t-shirt that says "Soft Boy" which, forgive the pun, fits him to a T. Well, normally. He works as a bouncer for a reason. He's initially worried about intimidating Brun due to being a bouncer until she points out that she's a bartender, the one person in the room guaranteed not to be afraid of a big scary bouncer.
  • Hunk: He's a pretty cute guy, and neither his great height nor his strapping muscles hurt his appeal with the ladies. Renee gets quite flustered when she realizes how hot she finds him with his shirt off.
  • Nice Guy: Friendly, polite (if a little bit socially awkward), and honest.
  • Not a Date: Renee eventually gets him pumped up enough to ask out Clinton... except he comes up short and instead invites him for a non-romantic burrito lunch instead. He does manage to imply his intentions, however.
    Clinton: How do you go halfway on asking someone out?
    Elliot: W-well, you... you say something like "do you wanna have lunch".
  • Staring Down Cthulhu: When Yay requests Elliot try intimidating them Elliot, not knowing who they are, gets into his standard bouncer pose. Yay responds with a Slasher Smile and a firm "No." Elliot complements them on being 'almost a little scary', which catches Yay completely off guard.
  • Sweet Baker: He's a Gentle Giant who makes friends easily and happily shares his love of breadmaking. He even takes it in stride when he learns that one of his customers has a bread fetish and gives her some pointers in the art of sourdough.

An employee at the Secret Bakery, who used to date Angus.
  • Ambiguously Bi: Her Tinder list includes both men and women.
  • The Bus Came Back: Plays a very minor role as Padma's coworker, then disappears for over 1000 strips before reappearing in Brun's subplot.
  • Characterization Marches On: Originally just a more unpleasant palette-swap of Faye. When she reappears in Brun's subplot, she's unrecognizable both in terms of looks and personality.
  • Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: Tries to get her friend Brun to deal with practical problems such as getting up on time and finding new housing and employment.
  • Crush Blush: Gets one when it turns out that Brun's theory that Renee is secretly attracted to Elliot may not be entirely wrong.
  • Evil Counterpart: To Faye at the Secret Baker, though only in her initial appearances (see "Characterization Marches On" above).
  • Foil: Renee is often put in scenes that contrast her brash nature with Elliot's more cautious approach, showing their respective strengths and weaknesses via contrast.
  • Goth: In high school.
  • I Have This Friend...: She does this to ask Beepatrice about sex toys... but drops it by the end of the second sentence.
    Renee: What's the best sex toy for a vagina-haver? I'm asking for a friend, who is me.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She tends to come across as aggressive and inconsiderate at first, even threatening Clinton over the phone while he's helping Brun get settled after her house fire, and Angus claims that she's jerk all the way down. However, she's also diligent in looking after Brun, has a few minor Jerkass Realizations, and shows a warmer side when she gets more screen time with her friends.
    Elliot: Renee means well, she just... addresses things in the worst way possible.
  • Loving Bully: A mild example; she gives Elliot a lot of grief while possibly having a repressed crush on him. When she realizes it, she makes a point of Defying the trope, so as not to make things awkward.
  • Odd Friendship: She spends most of her time being exasperated at Brun, yet still takes her in and supports her. It's later revealed that they've been friends since grade school and are thoroughly acclimated to each other's quirks, and they end up as roommates.
  • Robosexual: Together with Ambiguously Bi. When Millefeuille, the robot who got a butt enhancement, gets drunk at Renee and Brun's housewarming party and starts dancing around and shouting "Who wants to check out my new butt!", the other characters look mostly a bit embarrassed for her but Renee watches with a very interested smile on her face, and when Elliot offers to ask Millefeuille to sober up, Renee replies "Nah. I kinda wanna see where this goes."
  • Shipper on Deck: She'd like it if Elliot could ask out either of his crushes. She eventually gets him pumped up enough to ask out whoever he sees first.
    • With Brun and Millefeuille. She picks up on the date-like implications of their walk pretty quick but avoids pointing it out to Brun outright.
    Brun: She's nice. I like her.
    Renee: Mm hmm.
    Brun: I know that "mm hmm." That means you're thinking something you're not going to tell me.

    Jim Bean
No relation to the famous one, so far as we know. Owner of The Secret Bakery. Is divorced, with a daughter named Samantha. He and Dora went on a date, but decided not to pursue a relationship. Went on a date with Marten's mother, and they have decided to pursue a relationship.
  • Good Parents: When Sam finds out Sam has been sneaking off to work as a spray artist at the repair shop and has roped May into working as her assistant, his first reaction is... to burst out crying, gushing between sobs about how proud he is that Sam has not only found a job and is making good money as a creative, she is also using her position and wealth, such as they are, to help a disadvantaged ex-convict.
  • Hands-Off Parenting: Sam seems to have a lot of freedom in her activities. Turns out she lies about her activities and he's none too pleased when he finds out.
  • Punny Name: Yes, his name is actually Jim Bean.
  • Serious Business: His description of his job to Marten's mom comes off as a humorous cross between this and Played for Laughs hamming it up.
  • Silver Fox: More like "salt-and-pepper fox", but he's definitely gray around the temples, and he's repeatedly indicated to be very, very attractive.
  • Supreme Chef: He bakes all the goods he sells himself.

SMIF Library:

    Tai Hubbert
Marten's current boss at the Smif College library, perpetually stuck in an all-girl polyamorous Love Dodecahedron. Her Twitter account is "tai_fighter", named after her DJing stage name. She had a crush on Dora, and half-heartedly tried to get with her after she and Marten broke up. They eventually became a couple.

    Claire Augustus
One of three new interns at the SMIF library, and Clinton's sister.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She may be a tad rough at times but when friendship and warmth are shown to her she drops her facade and shows complete gratitude and trust.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: Not herself, but she doesn't really care that her brother is missing a hand. Somewhat understandable, as the injury took place years ago and he's not that upset about it.
    Claire: If you knew how much he loved having a robot hand, you wouldn't feel bad for him either.
  • The Matchmaker: It's become a character flaw of hers. She's quite eager to try setting Clinton up with Emily and, when that falls through, with Brun, and gets several reminders not to meddle too much in people's relationships. Given that her mother nudges her and Marten together, it might be inherited.
  • Odd Friendship: With Pintsize. Despite having pretty different personalities on the surface, Claire and Pintsize are both open-minded with a quirky sense of humour, which has led to them being good at helping each other with problems, as well as a degree of banter regarding Pintsize's pranks.
  • Pungeon Master:
    • More than once, she's made incredibly lame puns that no-one found amusing... Probably the delivery.
    • When she saw Faye reading a book she was fond of, she wrote "Like" on a post-it and stuck it to the book.
      Claire: I put a Like on Faye's book!
      Faye: ...get out of my shop.
    • She also produced a copy of The Grapes of Wrath in response to hangover-induced crankiness.
  • Shipper on Deck: For Faye and Bubbles.
  • Stepford Smiler: When she's really stressed out she'll try to hide it behind a blatantly fake, pained-looking smile.
    Clinton: I know that face. That's your "screaming internally" face.
  • Strong Family Resemblance: To her brother, to the point that they have to insist they're not Half-Identical Twins (she's older). Mitigated somewhat, since they are at least different genders (though they didn't ''look'' like they were originally).
  • Transgender: In comic 2323, Claire tells Marten that she's trans. She explains that she was assigned male at birth but began transitioning to female in her first year of college, and has been on hormone replacement therapy since then.

    Emily Azuma
One of the three new interns at the SMIF library, and apparently the daughter of a wealthy family.

The last of the intern trio.
  • The Cynic: She says in one strip that she doesn't believe in altruism and seems to generally be more of a sourpuss than the rest of the library staff.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Not much, but it's there.
  • Only Sane Man: Of the intern trio.
  • Out of Focus: She's used the least out of the entire library staff, possibly because her status as the Only Sane Woman in a Dysfunction Junction may make her the least fun to write for.
  • Put on a Bus: At some point, she quit her internship off-screen for unknown reasons.
  • Sassy Black Woman: She didn't get much screentime, but her few lines were in this mold.

Marten's Band

Ellen's roommate and Marten and Hanners' ex-bandmate.
  • Dreadful Musician: She is very enthusiastic about the guitar...the problem is that she has zero talent. While she thinks the racket she makes is really metal, everyone else cringes.
  • The Pig-Pen: She has this...thing about showering. That is, she doesn't.
  • Put on a Bus: Breaks up with Amir and is never seen again.
  • Secretly Rich: Her parents are wealthy enough that they were happy to buy her one of the most expensive guitars on the market at a moment's notice. She tries to keep it quiet since it ruins her hipster image.

Natasha's ex-boyfriend, Marten and Hanners' bandmate. Is significantly older than most of the cast.
  • Older Than They Look: He looks somewhere in his mid-twenties, but he's actually thirty-five.
  • The Pig-Pen: After he leaves his old apartment and starts living in the band practice space. It doesn't have a shower.

Ellicott-Chatham Technologies

    John Ellicott-Chatham
Hannelore's father. A world renown scientist who lives on Ellicott Chatham Technologies Clarke Station orbiting earth.
  • Absent-Minded Professor: Is first introduced trying to find his iPod. And he can't keep track of which of his surnames the divorce leaves him with. He also apparently gets distracted easily.
  • Famed in Story: He is considered a father of the technology which is transformed his world, and AIs and those which study them hold him in reverence.
  • Mad Scientist: The father of cybernetics and strong A.I. Also invented the robotic hamster.
  • Strong Family Resemblance: Physically speaking, he's basically an older male Hannelore with a soul patch. They even have the same Messy Hair!
  • The Real Heroes: In spite of being one of the foremost technological geniuses in history, he greatly admires plumbers. This may date back to the construction of Station, as any orbital habitat is at least 50% pipes and ducts.

The AI that runs the Ellicott-Chatham Enterprises space station. He cared for Hannelore until she was ready to live on Earth and like most individuals who are part of Ellicott-Chatham Technologies is loyal to John rather than Beatrice.
  • A Dog Named "Dog": Is named by Hannelore in her youth, when she lacked creativity for the AI's titles.
  • A Form You Are Comfortable With: Manifests as a humanoid hologram to interact with people.
  • Did Not Get the Girl: He falls in love with Hannelore, but she chooses to keep living the life she's established on Earth.
  • Intangibility: Due to being a hologram in his humanoid guise. As such, he has to modify some hunter-killer droids to give hugs, and Hannelore falls through him when she tries to lean on his shoulder.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He plays a mean-spirited prank on Lieutenant Potter, but is quick to apologize and is genuinely upset to have caused Hannelore distress.
  • Orbital Bombardment: Claims to be capable of precision orbital strikes. No one seems inclined to doubt this.
  • Projected Man: He can manifest a holographic avatar anywhere within the station or via remote drone elsewhere. Played for Laughs when people forget that he's not made of Hard Light, when he glitches out while "hung over", and when he stages paranormal phenomena.
  • Robosexual: He was in love with Hannelore (a human) but she turned him down. He eventually becomes romantically involved with Tilly (also a human) after they move to the space station.
  • Spaceship Girl: Gender-Inverted. He is the central computer of the ECI space station and projects an image of a pleasant young man as an avatar.

    Tilly Birch
A personal assistant to Hannelore appointed by her mother, to Hanners' unenthusiastic surprise. Tilly later becomes Hannelore's father's assistant, where their work is much more appreciated.
  • Accidental Misnaming: Hannelore's mother mistakenly referring to them as "Taffy" ends up having Hannelore doing the same thing for a while without even noticing, despite Tilly's corrections. It looks at first like it will become a Running Gag, but she eventually realizes her error. Tilly takes it well and even adopts Taffy as a nickname.
  • Ambiguous Gender Identity: Tilly is initially referred to as "she" or "her", but later clarifies that they go by they/them pronouns. They carry an androgynous appearance, especially so in their "coffee shop" work attire.
  • Big Ol' Eyebrows: Has rounded, bushy eyebrows that contribute to a cute, boyish look.
  • Boyish Short Hair: Has a short, boyish haircut.
  • Circular Reasoning: Hannelore complains that she doesn't need a personal assistant. Tilly says they were instructed to ignore any evidence that Hannelore doesn't need assistance, as that would be an obstacle to providing her with assistance. Hannelore points out that this is a tautology, which Tilly explains they were also instructed not to worry about.
  • Crazy-Prepared: Memorized a variety of details about Hannelore and her social circle before introducing themselves, as well as being briefed on (and instructed to disregard) any objections Hanners might have to their being there.
  • Determinator: Low-stakes and mostly Played for Laughs, but Tilly is insistant on being the best personal assistant to Hannelore that they can be. They offer to throw themself into the ocean rather than be a burden, and their "coffee shop" outfit includes the words "HELP OR DIE" written on their arm.
    Hannelore: Is that a Sharpie tattoo?
    Tilly: For now.
  • Dogged Nice Person: A platonic type who refuses to give up on getting Hannelore to accept their help.
  • Extraverted Nerd: Despite their geeky presentation, Tilly isn't the least bit shy and jumps at the chance to befriend Hannelore and Winslow.
  • Eye Glasses: Tilly is drawn as if their eyes were fused with their glasses, with the irises floating around inside the large white space contained within the lenses.
  • Gender-Blender Name: "Tilly" is traditionally feminine, which causes Hannelore to assume they're female because she doesn't take any time to learn about them in her frustration.
  • Hypercompetent Sidekick: All joking and goofiness aside, Tilly is a damn good PA. They outline an effective strategy for negotiating with Hannelore's cellular provider for a replacement phone- including going to a competitor for a better deal- and not only come away with a free upgrade but $500 on top of that.
    Tilly: Trouble is what I'm for, ma'am!
  • Meaningful Name: Their full name is Tilly Birch. The birch tree is famous for being remarkably adaptable and easily fitting into new environments, much like Tilly themself.
  • Nerd Glasses: Wears thick coke bottle glasses that add to their nerdy yet adorable image.
  • Nice Person: Unbelievably friendly and helpful: Winslow is won over right away, while Hannelore is exasperated at how hard they are to get rid of.
  • Robosexual: By the time Hannelore pays a visit to the space station, Tilly's in a relationship with Station the AI.
  • Shoo Out the New Guy: In the conclusion to the arc, Hannelore sends Tilly off to work for her father as his personal assistant.
  • Skewed Priorities: When Dora suggests murdering them, Tilly's only concern is that being dead would prevent them from assisting Hannelore in disposing of the body.
  • Small Role, Big Impact: Tilly's employment as Hannelore's assistant (and the circumstances therefore,) results in Hannelore cutting ties with her mother and taking a trip to do some soul-searching, removing her from the strip for the foreseeable future.
  • Tender Tears: Moved to tears just from being brewed a cup of coffee by the heir to the Ellicott-Chatham empire. Even Hannelore thinks it's a bit much.
  • Unwanted Assistance: Hannelore is not happy her mother thought she ought to have an assistant, and even less so that she was not consulted beforehand.
  • You Called Me "X"; It Must Be Serious: Tilly insists on calling Hannelore "ma'am" throughout their time as her PA, not even being able to do so when expressly asked. Their last line in the story arc is finally referring to Hannelore by name, since they are now parting as friends.

"You humans and your faulty plumbing take all the glamor out of space travel"
The AI of the Ellicott-Chatham Technologies spacecraft responsible for ferrying people between earth and the Ellicott Chatham Technologies Clarke Station.
  • A Dog Named "Dog": Was named by Hannelore in her youth, when she lacked creativity for AI's titles.
  • A Form You Are Comfortable With: Manifests as a humanoid hologram to interact with people, and while his form is similar to some of the tweaks Station has used Spaceship seems to prefer much thinner eyebrows and smoother "hair".
  • Naked Freak-Out: While his reaction is rather understated it's quite clear he did not intend to project his holographic self with no pants and a fully rendered penis when he used his holographic human form to interact with Marigold, Hannelore and Marten.
  • Please Put Some Clothes On: Being asked to put some pants on by Marten is what clues him in on the reason Marigold is not reacting reasurred by his humanoid form as he didn't realize it rendered without pants.
  • Worrying for the Wrong Reason: When Martin is worried about their trip to the Space Station he reassures his human guest that "There is virtually no danger involved in our transatmospheric ascent." then continues with "Now. RE-entering the atmosphere, THAT is always risky. Thankfully, if something should go catastrophically wrong, you would have less than a second of terror before being incinerated."

    Lieutenant "Abbie" Potter
A member of the US Air Force security detail aboard Ellicott Chatham Technologies Clarke Station.
  • Can't Hold His Liquor: Abbie quickly loses her professional air, and clothes, when drunk.
  • Naked People Are Funny: Subverted. While Station thinks exposing a picture of her half dressed and drunk to get her to stop interrogating the people he wants to talk to is funny in the moment he's quickly shown the error of his ways, and Abbie is deeply upset by what he's done.

Other Friends and Family Members:

Marten's best friend other than Faye. Is a secret agent. Steve's varied love life has included relationships with a marine biology student, a mortician, a spy named Tortura, and Coffee of Doom employee Cosette.
  • Alcohol-Induced Idiocy: Apparently drunk-bought a boat.
  • Ambiguously Bi: Steve gets homoerotic when drunk, usually with an unhappy Marten as the subject of his attentions.
    Steve: [drunk, sobbing on Marten's shoulder] I LOVE YOU, MAN!
    Jeph's Rant: Steve only had two drinks.
  • Amicable Exes: He and Tortura have kept in touch, apparently. She even comes to him for relationship advice, and gives an If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her... speech to a disturbed Cosette.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Steve can come off a bit as your stereotypical jock kinda guy, the exact kind of dude you think nothing of. But, as you can see below, he's a secret agent. (Or was. He has a desk job now, ostensibly in the same organization.)
  • Chick Magnet: Steve's physique has won him a lot of female attention over the course of the comic.
    Marten: Would you like to meet—
    Cosette: YES.
  • Handsome Lech: Far, FAR less sleazy than Sven, but Steve has his Handsome Lech moments.
  • Hero of Another Story: See "Spy Fiction" below.
  • Hunk: His rugged handsomeness and muscular bod attract many admirers.
  • Lovable Jock: He's described as 'a bit of a bro', has a muscular physique and acts in a slightly overbearing, macho way when drunk but he's also shown to be a non-judgmental and supportive friend.
  • Mr. Fanservice: A lot of female characters are clearly enamored with Steve's rockin' bod.
  • Nice Guy: Steve may be a bit of a jock, but he's definitely one of the nicest characters in the comic.
  • Only Sane Man: In later comics, he seems to fall into this category, especially when dealing with Marten's and later Sven's relationship problems. This is a bit ironic, as his early appearances often concerned his wacky relationship difficulties and his reactions to them.
  • Rated M for Manly: Downplayed, Steve's actually a pretty emotional guy, especially when drunk. However, he did manage to bag himself a date by showing her a picture of him flexing in front of a stuffed grizzly bear.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Red to Marten's Blue.
  • Running Gag: Abruptly cutting away from the main plot for a single strip involving Steve eating cereal has become one of these.
  • Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: Manly Man to Marten's Sensitive Guy.
  • Spy Fiction: He was a secret agent for a little while. Still is, technically, but now he has a desk job which he is very happy with.
  • Took a Level in Badass: During his recent stint as a secret agent.
  • Weirdness Magnet: It starts when he's recruited as a secret agent by the U.S. government...

    Sven Bianchi
Dora's older brother is a commercially-successful songwriter in the country music genre, making a decent living writing the musical equivalents of Extruded Book Products, which naturally means he sold out. Also The Casanova of the first degree.

  • Big Eater: Mentioned here.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: An extremely successful songwriter without even trying. Though that may be more of a commentary on the quality of popular music than any writing ability on his part.
  • Character Development: Turns into a better and more responsible person over time, partly thanks to his relationship with Faye (and the resultant self-reflection), and partly his friendship with Hannelore.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He's one of the few people who can come out honours even with Faye.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Sven was the target of this following his falling out with Faye. The two weren't even dating and were merely "fuck buddies" even by Faye's assertion, and Sven repeatedly told her flat-out that it was just physical, and that he reserved the right to have sex with other women. Despite this, he openly told Faye about a liaison with a famous country singer, and both she and Sven's sister Dora completely jumped down his throat about it, with Dora even threatening to kick his ass, all because he did exactly what he said he would do merely because Faye turned their relationship into more than it actually was. Of course, as it transpires, Dora has a lot of issues with her brother that she eventually acknowledges and addresses.
  • Even the Guys Want Him: Bizarrely crossed with Kavorka Man due to his prickly personality.
  • Informed Ability: Sven doesn't claim his music's good, but it sells well anyway, and the less effort he puts in the more popular it is. Some readers consider this Writer on Board, though it can also be interpreted as Sven not appreciating or not fully harnessing his talents. Whether his songs are genuinely bad or just soulless (and goofy, but the QC universe seems quite goofiness-friendly) is left to the reader to decide, since we obviously don't get to hear them.
    "I write the songs that make the whole world cringe."
  • Jerkass: To varying degrees - he's always pretty amiable to begin with, just irresponsible and prone to involving others in trying to avoid said responsibilities, but he also unhesitatingly lets Faye stay over when she's locked out of her flat, is supportive of his younger sister, and supports her and Marten's relationship (and is nothing but sympathetic to both of them when it doesn't work out). In general, he's a Jerk with a Heart of Gold to his sister, and others he genuinely likes, and improves with time.
  • Ladykiller in Love: Interestingly, doesn't look like he'll get the girl who changed him, unlike the normal use of this trope.
  • Manchild: "Man Teenager" would be more accurate, since that's the form Sven's immaturity took (he's never acted like a literal child), but up until he got involved with Faye he didn't really have any need to grow up. One problem that Steve identifies with him on a shrewd guess is that he's one of those kids who pretty much always got what they wanted - mostly because everything came easily to him.
  • Morality Pet:
    • In a weird way, Lydia, his intern. He probably never would have changed his ways if it weren't for her, even though she didn't seem to really be trying to change him.
    • Hannelore, oddly enough, combined with Odd Friendship—he's much nicer to her than he is to pretty much everyone else, particularly during their platonic date.
  • Multiethnic Name: Mother was of Swedish descent, father Italian. Mother insisted on a name from the old country. hence, Sven Bianchi.
  • Odd Friendship: With Hannelore, of all people.
  • One-Hour Work Week: He purposefully puts as little effort as possible into the country songs he writes, which makes his success at it all the more baffling. He wrote a song while drunk one night that was bad even for him and had it sold the next morning for enough money to buy a house.
  • Out of Focus: After Faye "breaks up" with him, he's seen moping a few times but ultimately gets very little screentime.
  • Pet the Dog: He gives Marten good advice about Dora's issues, offers to jam with him after Marten and Dora break-up, and even offers to set him up for rebound sex with some of his exes. While the latter is exactly what Marten doesn't need, it is kindly meant.
  • Really Gets Around: Though we've only explicitly seen a few of his relationships, it's no secret he's getting some every night. Until Faye dumps him, and he just stops caring.
  • Right-Hand Cat: Refers to Princess as this in jest.
  • Robosexual: Not exclusively or primarily, but he has a few casual hookups with May.
  • Self-Deprecation: Even early on, he wryly refers to himself as a "smarmy, emotionally hollow cad." Peculiarly, though, it's only once he takes a good, long look at himself that it really bothers him. Thereafter, he doesn't exactly think much of himself as a person (and not entirely without reason).
  • Wrong Genre Savvy: Doesn't understand why professing his feelings to Faye didn't work. He thinks it should be like a romantic comedy, where the professes his feelings and she loses the jerk she's with. Steve points out that Angus is also a good guy, and their life isn't a romantic comedy.

Hannelore's Robot Buddy. The Apple version of an Anthro-PC. His initial appearance is basically that of a sentient iPod with arms and legs; later, he upgrades to the Regular Boy Deluxe humanoid chassis. He was very naive at first, but was very quickly corrupted by Pintsize.

    Angus McPhee
A customer who went to Dora's coffee shop just to annoy Faye, who he had a crush on. They got together eventually. He's roommates with Marigold. Angus seeks to be a comedian or performer.
  • Dogged Nice Guy: Faye is initially angry at his use of the trope, claiming it's a “romantic comedy plot,” but she eventually comes around.
  • In-Series Nickname: He was briefly known as Argument Guy before we found out his name.
  • Put on a Bus: Moved to New York to pursue his dreams of acting — which in turn ended his relationship with Faye.
  • Strawman Political: invokedIn-universe, he is a "professional straw man" who's hired to debate people and lose in order to make them look better. The way he describes it sounds like a political equivalent of a Jobber.
  • Unresolved Sexual Tension: With Faye, for the longest time, until They Do.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Tries to invoke this with Faye, but she's just annoyed by his ability to take it and come back for more.
  • Witty Banter: This is his only reason for coming into Coffee of Doom for the longest time. He doesn't even drink the coffee, he just throws it in the trash.
  • Yaoi FanBOY: If you can believe that. (Only mildly, and played for laughs.)

    Veronica Reed
Marten's mother, a former bondage and fetish model under the pseudonym Veronica Vance. Both Dora and Dora's father have gotten off to her...and mentioned so to Marten.
  • Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: In addition to cheerfully talking about her sex life in front of her son, she also tries to pick him up a cute waitress by mentioning how big his penis was when he was a child. Though one gets the feeling she does this on purpose because she thinks that's what parents are supposed to do.
    Marten: Just...don't bang him on my couch, okay?
    Veronica: Ooh, that would be delightfully transgressive...
    Marten: Mom.
  • Amicable Exes: In her own words she and her ex-husband "make better friends and parents than a husband and wife".
  • Closet Key: While she has never shown overt sexual interest in women, her career as a fetish model has apparently turned at least one female head:
    Dora: Marty, I don't really know how to tell you this, but, uh, your mom's old fetish photos were how I, um, figured out I liked girls.
  • Compelling Voice: Her "dom voice", as Marten calls it, which she uses by accident on occasion.
  • Dominatrix: Her profession. Although she uses the pseudonym “Veronica Vance,” she doesn't really make any attempt to hide it from anyone.
  • Gaydar: Veronica isn't gay herself, but she's very experienced. Her first, totally accurate, reaction on meeting Tai is "OH MY GOD I LOVE THE TINY BUTCH ONES." Ironically, she didn't pick up on her ex-husband's homosexuality until their marriage was almost over, so her gaydar may have a blind spot.
  • Good Parents: Despite her quirks, Marten often speaks fondly of his childhood.
  • Mrs. Robinson: After her divorce, she took to hooking up with men as young as Marten in lieu of a serious relationship.
    • Still occurs to an extent when she moves in with Jim; he's in his early forties and she's in her mid-fifties. They're both middle-aged and parents though, so it's less noticeable.
  • Silver Vixen: She's old enough to have some grey in her hair (56 at the time of Henry's and Maurice's wedding), but she still works as a dominatrix and a photographer she knows still takes pictures of her for a fetish site.
  • Stepford Smiler: Apparently a type A. She puts a happy face over her own sense of loneliness. Zig-zagged when she finds a Second Love in Jim Bean and they move in together.

    Henry Reed
Marten's gay dad and ex-husband of Veronica Reed. He runs a gay nightclub.
  • Amicable Exes: Like Veronica, he also sees their divorce as an improvement on their relationship.
  • Bigger Is Better in Bed: According to his husband.
  • Incompatible Orientation: The reason for his divorce with Veronica.
  • Late Coming Out: see above.
  • Silver Fox: His gray hair apparently gets him attention from both men and women; both Dora and Claire comment on his handsomeness despite his advanced age.
    Dora: [looks at Marten, then to Henry, then back to Marten] Oh my God, you are going to be so hot when you go gray!
  • Straight Gay: Considering he wanted a simple ceremony while his husband Maurice came down the aisle on horseback, this seems likely. Further, he passed as straight for years while married to Veronica, who never picked him up on her Gaydar until their marriage was almost over.

    Amanda "Mandy" Whitaker
Faye's lesbian sister, who flunked out of college.
  • The Ditz: Flunked out of college, then got caught eating out her girlfriend by her mother. Then she stole her mother's credit cards to go see her sister.
  • Lipstick Lesbian: She seems girlier than Faye, despite being a lesbian, making her this.
  • Put on a Bus: When she goes back home, she becomes pretty much irrelevant to the plot.
  • The Bus Came Back: Stops in to visit Faye after a 3000-strip absence.
    Faye: Nothin' more frustrating than family droppin' some ridiculous bullshit on you out of nowhere—
    Amanda: Holy shit, you did get buff!
    Faye: God damn it sis what are you doing here
  • Shipper on Deck: She pretty blatantly wants Faye and Bubbles to hook up, trying to coax Faye into a Love Epiphany and getting increasingly frustrated as Faye keeps Comically Missing the Point.


Sven's melodramatic poet friend. He is currently dating Penelope and tending bar at the Horrible Revelation. Owns several cloaks.

  • Badass Biker: Surprisingly enough, yes.
  • Born in the Wrong Century: Again: He owns several cloaks.
  • Demoted to Extra: Wil continues to get periodic cameos, but it's been years since he was involved in an actual storyline.
  • Gentleman and a Scholar: He's a poet, apparently majored in literature or poetry. Quite the gentleman as well, although apparently he's got some really filthy poetry.
    Wil: I was attempting to channel Joyce, but without the scatological fixation...
    Penelope: I don't think they'd let us have sex in Washington's nose on Mount Rushmore, but it's a very evocative mental image.
  • Gorgeous Period Dress: Wil interviewed for a job at The Horrible Revelation, a Victorian-themed pub, in a handsome tweed suit and matching cloak. The manager hired him on sight.
  • Mysterious Stranger: He decides to invoke this to woo Penelope, but thankfully Sven talks him out of it.
  • Old-School Chivalry: The guy gets clipped by a truck - resulting in a broken arm - and still shows up for a date with Penelope. Why?
    Wil: A gentleman never stands a lady up.
  • The Unfunny: Never makes his own jokes, but his attempts to remain serious in all situations qualifies him for this trope.

    Samantha Bean
Jim's 13-year-oldnote  daughter. A tomboy and Pokémon nerd. She's become friends with Momo (who she's a bad influence on) and Faye (who's a bad influence on her).
  • Becoming the Mask: Briefly, as SKULLMASTER, MASTER OF SKULLS.
  • Boys Like Creepy Critters: Tomboy example; she likes looking for snakes in the mountain.
  • Bratty Half-Pint: Has mild tones of this. If she likes you, she gives you an animal she caught. It will be either a frog or a snake. Probably a snake. The girl likes snakes.
  • Casual Kink: Not of her own, but her only concern about a famous dominatrix moving in with her dad is to make sure that her bedroom won't be repurposed as a dungeon.
  • Hates Baths: Has been noted to have a somewhat "irregular" bathing schedule. Both Faye and Veronica have remarked on her rather "pungent" aroma.
  • Nature Lover: Her primary off-screen hobby appears to be going into the woods and finding frogs and/or snakes to bring home. Mostly snakes.
  • No Indoor Voice: As SKULLMASTER, MASTER OF SKULLS. ...And also sometimes as herself.
  • Noodle Incident: Is not allowed to work at her father's bakery due to "the Chaos Loaf Incident".
  • Out-of-Character Moment: Samantha is usually very loud, hyper, and quick to befriend people she meets instantly. Except Veronica, whom she hides from when they first meet.
    Faye: Are you…being shy?
  • Stealth Hi/Bye: Likes to sneak up on people in lieu of saying "hello".
  • Tagalong Kid: Insists on tagging along with Faye and wants to hang out at Coffee of Doom so much that she hides in the cupboards for 15 minutes.
    • She later starts spending her time acting as an assistant at Faye and Bubbles' repair shop, as well as doing "sprays" for the robots.
  • Third-Person Person: As SKULLMASTER, MASTER OF SKULLS.
  • Tomboy: Usually goes by "Sam", takes up swordfighting lessons, and her favorite pastime is to go into the mountains and find snakes. She's also fascinated by Faye's mechanical work, though her father curtails her activities in the field after she loses a fingernail to a bit of machinery.
  • Tomboyish Ponytail: Her preferred hairstyle for going off into the woods, but she gets a practical yet extremely unfortunate bowl cut when she gets into swordfighting.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: At first she wanted to visit the "spider zone," then she was swarmed by dozens of spiders. Granted she doesn't want them hurt and is comfortable around creepy things that one or two may not bother her, but there were a lot of spiders down there.
  • You Called Me "X"; It Must Be Serious: Since most folks only ever call her "Sam", on the rare occasions her full name is used (such as Veronica discussing the possibility of moving in with Jim), she assumes it's something bad.
  • Young Entrepreneur: She starts selling "sprays" (drawn-on tattoos) to robots. They're so popular that unless something unusual happens she usually makes more money per day for the repair shop than actual repairs do.

    Clinton P. Augustus
Robot researcher with an artificial hand. Semi-stalked Hannelore after finding out who her father was. Poor sense of personal boundaries. Claire's younger brother.
  • Ambiguously Bi: When asked about hypothetically having a crush on a guy, Clinton is open to the possibility (while moderately drunk, at the very least).
    Clinton: Always figured I was straight but I guess if I met the right dude, why not right?
  • Annoying Younger Sibling: Played with: He is extremely protective of Claire. It's everyone else who finds him annoying.
  • Ascended Extra: Since to his first date with Emily, and Claire's attempt to set them up again, Clinton's gotten more focus.
  • Big Brother Instinct: To Claire, even though he's the younger sibling. Claire points this out.
    Claire: I always thought the older sibling was supposed to be the protective one.
  • Butt-Monkey: He's been kicked around since he was first introduced, but once Marten settles into a happy relationship with Claire, Clinton seems to inherit all of Marten's bad luck. Most notably, Clinton is decidedly smitten with Brun, but she's Oblivious to Love. It's to the point that even the staff at the restaurant they had lunch in feel sorry for him.
    Waitress: The kitchen staff has been eavesdropping and wanted me to give you this pity milkshake.
    Voice: Sympathy milkshake!
    Clinton: I'm lactose intolerant.
  • Cyborg: He loves having a robot hand... So much that he wears it without a faux-flesh covering, gets grime in the joints, and earns a telling-off from Faye when she repairs the damage.
  • Disappeared Dad: His dad is alive but not part of the family anymore. It's implied that he was not an especially good guy and that Clinton, at least, is happier with him gone.
  • Distracted by the Sexy: Has this effect on both Dora and Hannelore while he tries to tell them about Brun's misfortune.
  • Evil Hand: A relatively harmless version: when he switched his bionic hand into semi-autonomous mode, it went immediately for Faye's breasts. That, of course, got her pissed at him and she hit him with his own hand.
  • Fanservice Pack: After his date with Emily got him to lose the stuffy-scholar look, he started turning some heads.
    Dora: Is it me, or has he gotten weirdly hot?
    Hannelore: I thought it was just me!
  • Hypocritical Heartwarming: with Claire, though he's more often on the receiving end.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: It's well hidden behind the nerdy, annoying manner and lack of social graces, but Clinton reliably does the right thing when the chips are down — as people around him do eventually notice. When the bar where Brun works burns down, he makes sure that everyone is out and Brun gets home safely, he's seriously if clumsily protective of his family, a random dudebro type who he previously tutored is happy to bump into him again, and he's the sort of guy who responds to seeing someone falling out of a bar by checking that they're okay. He's probably closer to being Innocently Insensitive than an actual Jerkass, in fact.
  • No Sense of Personal Space: In addition to being very touchy-feely with Hannelore, once he realizes Momo is a robot he immediately checks how lifelike her skin is.
  • Not a Date: When Elliot tries to ask him out he loses his nerve and invites him to a non-romantic burrito lunch instead. Clinton eventually figures out the original intent when Elliot implies it.
  • Progressively Prettier: Some of it is because of in-story changes that he makes to his appearance, as he learns to dress and style his hair in more flattering ways, but it's also because of Jeph gradually changing how he draws Clinton to give him prettier facial features.
  • Self-Abuse: Claire claims he lost his hand by masturbating so much it withered into a claw and fell off.
    Marigold: That doesn't make any sense. Wouldn't that make it stronger?
    Momo: At worst, it might lead to some kind of repetitive motion injury. I don't see how—
    Clinton: [indignant] It was a fireworks accident!
  • Strong Family Resemblance: To his sister, to the point that they have to insist they're not Half-Identical Twins (she's older).
  • Transhuman Treachery: When Momo sarcastically joked about robot uprising, he immediately asked to be on their side. Though since his being a cyborg wasn't actually a motivation, he's actually The Quisling.

    Mrs. Augustus
Claire and Clinton's mom. Seems to be enjoying the empty nest now that her children are off at college.
  • Cool Old Lady: She's a happy empty-nester who plays Shipper on Deck for her children, practices bass guitar, uses the odd bit of marijuana, and hooks up with a college-age man who Likes Older Women. From what's been said about her husband, it's hinted that she's unwinding after ending a deeply unhappy relationship.
    Clinton: My mom gets 2am booty calls. My mom is cooler than me.
  • Hidden Depths: She has a full professional bass guitar rig in her house. Marten's so impressed he asks to try it.
  • Hollywood Midlife Crisis: Downplayed and mostly Played for Laughs, but her present behavior is partly due to her harboring some regrets about how she lived her life when she was younger.
  • Honor Before Reason: She keeps two baseball bats in her closet: the first to use as a weapon in case she needs to fight off a home invader, and a second one to give to the home invader in case they didn't bring their own. Apparently she's just that committed to fighting fair.
  • Last-Name Basis: To her children, she's Mom; to everyone else, she's Mrs. Augustus. Her first name has not been revealed.
  • Mama Bear: Prepared to defend home and family with a baseball bat.
  • Mrs. Robinson: Has taken up dating men the same age as her children. Claire's all for it, Clinton's a little squicked out (though he doesn't try to stop her).
  • Open-Minded Parent: She had no issue with one of her children coming out as trans, and encourages Claire and Clinton's crushes/relationships.
  • The Pollyanna: Always cheerful and friendly.
  • Shipper on Deck: She is immediately on board with Marten and Claire dating and invites him over for breakfast so he'll have an opportunity to see Claire. She also seems to support Clinton and Brun.
  • The Stoner: Smoking weed has apparently become one of her numerous hobbies now that her children have moved out. She's even gotten high with both of said kids.

    Beatrice Chatham
Hannelore's mother. Described in the text as "Martha Stewart meets Darth Vader".
  • Abusive Parents: Even if unintentionally, she views Hanners' neuroses as something to be ignored and/or punished, and doesn't really relate to her.
  • Corrupt Corporate Executive: Fondly reminisces about the days when you could topple a Mega-Corp with a few transsexual prostitutes and a Polaroid camera. She also forces Tilly on Hannelore as a P.A. so she can get support from their father, without any consideration for either Hanners or Tilly.
    Hannelore: No, Mother, don't you DARE! I don't care if "that's what you bought the shark tank for," it's morally wrong!
  • Not So Different: Hanners and Beatrice eventually bond over martinis, and this seems to have led Beatrice to take a more active interest in her daughter's life. Both can get very scary and commanding when compelled to, as well.


Marigold's Robot Buddy (sometimes addressed with "Momo-tan"). She's friends with Pintsize and Winslow. Apparently has a 97 terabyte hard drive.note  Originally small and chibi-like, she's gotten a new chassis that looks more like a young human girl.

  • Abnormal Ammo: When first introduced (in chibi mode), she mentions that she can shoot live eels from her crotch.
  • Anger Born of Worry: Momo isn't shown getting truly upset very often, but when she does more often than not it's because one of her friends isn't acting in their own best interests, and simply talking them out of it has ceased to be an option.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Her electrical self-defense has amperage within the lethal range. Also, upon gaining her new chassis, her first acts were attacking Pintsize and threatening Marigold. Even the author hypothesized she had suppressed violent impulses.
    • Even before that she could delve into this occasionally, like when she forced Marigold to go to the store and get some food besides pocky by threatening to tell Angus that she'd been masturbating and become dehydrated.
    • When May panics at the success of the fundraiser for a new chassis, screaming that she "doesn't deserve it", Momo answers right back with a resounding "YES YOU DO", complete with galvanic lightshow.
  • Chibi: Invoked with her original chassis. It's even in her model name.
  • Covert Pervert: She's pretty good at hiding it, but she was caught with an anatomically-correct doll at one point, and later had a sexy dream about Sven. She's also processed a significant quantity of Victorian-era pornography as part of her work at the library and reads romance novels recommended by Hannelore.
  • Cranial Processing Unit: Her head is apparently removable.
  • Cuteness Overload: Caused them in her Chibi form, and currently provides the page image.
  • A Day in the Limelight: Several pages, starting with 2962, focus on her going about her day.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: Was unnamed in her first appearance, and had a different outfit and hairstyle.
  • Japanese Politeness: She's an android made in Japan, and exemplifies polite and respectful behavior. She has her limits, though.
  • Knight of Cerebus: An odd example, but her getting a human-sized chassis marks the shift in the comic treating AI as quirky comic relief whose existance and rights are Hand Waved to exploring the implications of their existance, their relationship with their bodies, and their relationship with humanity.
  • Odd Friendship: With the crude, abrasive May. Justified because they reluctantly decided to get to know each other after Marigold and Dale got together, and then slowly came to appreciate each other's good qualities.
  • Puppy-Dog Eyes: She (as with most AIs) being a Technical Pacifist has trouble understanding why Bubbles would join the military. Bubbles is less than eager to discuss the matter with her, as she has had more than a few AIs dog her out for her choice. Momo's response is to use these, as seen here:
    Bubbles: If I agree, will you stop making that facial expression? It is causing me great discomfort.
  • Ridiculously Human Robot: Even before the chassis upgrade, she has some elements of this. After, she is virtually indistinguishable from a human teenager.
  • Robot Girl: In her new chassis.
  • Satellite Character: Before her chassis upgrade she was largely defined by her relationship with Marigold; but since then she's developed connections with other characters. For a while, it was even inverted, as Momo's friendship with May got a lot of attention while their respective human companions, Marigold and Dale, were Out of Focus.
  • Shipper on Deck: Clearly one for Marigold and Dale.
  • Shock and Awe: In chibi-form, she doesn't have much power, but after her upgrade, she can blow off someone's socks from a hundred yards.
  • Straight Man: To May.
  • Verbal Tic: She never uses contractions...except for when she loses herself in Marigold's game.
  • Walk, Don't Swim: She's waterproof but too heavy to float.
  • You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Pink, both in chibi form and big mode. In big mode, pushing her belly button makes her hair change color.
  • Younger than She Looks: She's less than three years old. Justified, in that she's a Robot Girl. Her "birthday" is probably the day she was built and activated. Also played with, since AI's are matured in a purely virtual creche before being loaded into bodies. Whether her age is counted as subjective years, years since entering reality, or the age of her current body isn't clear.

    Hannelore's Roomba
Hannelore's Roomba. Pintsize has somewhat of a rivalry with it. He and Winslow eventually strapped a rocket to it and sent it out the window, and it came back with a mate and three children. Who also have rockets. Yeah. Not even the scientists could figure it out.
  • Crazy Jealous Guy: Toward Hannelore.
  • Knife Nut: It produces a knife from somewhere when it thinks Marten is hitting on Hannelore.

An AI assigned as a holographic companion to Dale as part of work release program from robot jail. She was subsequently released and joined the cast, now with a chassis. Just not a very good one.
  • Amazing Technicolor Population: For whatever reason, her chassis is the same blue color as she was as a hologram. This is addressed when her facial myomer becomes damaged, as Bubbles and Faye don't have a matching one, forcing her head to be re-covered entirely. Even more oddly, when she acquires a new, better chassis, she chooses a very similar blue-on-blue colour scheme. This is doubtless mostly for reader convenience, but it could imply that she's become fixated on the color.
  • Ambiguously Bi: Makes crass remarks about other female characters and their bodies, and also has more than one sexual encounter with a man, Sven. The result is... disturbing.
  • An Arm and a Leg: One of her arms just randomly fell off. Later, one of her legs starts coming out of her hip, both a result of how cruddy her body is.
    Faye: Whoever assembled your body should be fed to sharks.
  • Animesque: As a hologram, more so than the rest of the webcomic already was.
  • Appropriated Appelation: Originally did not have a name; "May" is just what Dale calls her because she looks like a maid. Her last act as Dale's holographic companion is to let him know that she likes it enough to keep it.
  • Barbie Doll Anatomy: To her disappointment, the programmers didn't bother to render any genitalia on her holographic form, which she even says looks "like a fuckin' BARBIE DOLL." To her renewed disappointment, the Robot Girl chassis she's assigned out of jail isn't anatomically correct either, although she comes to take it as a challenge:
    May: So, I realized there's no reason to limit myself to fleshlights. I could tape on dildos, vibrators, whatever. Like a multi-region power adapter, but for fuckin'!
    • The trope is averted when she gets her body upgrade. She specifies that it should have the human-standard array of orifices — slightly to the surprise of some of her friends, who thought she'd want more — and is delighted when, on being installed, she discovers the "orifice management utility". Lampshaded when she greets Roko with a cheerful "Robots with buttholes represent!"
  • Berserk Button: The chassis (body) she was assigned fresh out of robot jail is essentially a robotic version of The Alleged Car, and not only contains very limited features and bright blue skin, but is constantly in need of repair and her status as a felon means she can't get a good enough job to upgrade it and an onerously large portion of her funds goes to its repair and upkeep. As a result, she is jealous of AIs with higher quality chassis than her own, and easily gets angry when other AIs mention upgrading, as she views it as rubbing their privilege in her face.
  • Big Ol' Eyebrows: Her new body ("Tall May") has these.
  • Bile Fascination: In-universe. She finds amusement in "aggressively terrible porn".
    May: [Looking at an issue of "Prolapse Monthly"] Hah! Nothing medical science can do about that one!
  • Brutal Honesty: The characteristic tone of her advice to other characters. Some of her greatest hits:
  • The Bus Came Back: Guess who?
  • The Corrupter: She constantly encourages Dale to act unprofessionally at all his jobs. He will have none of it.
  • Covert Pervert: She is most certainly not covert about her own lewdness, but she suspects it of Dale and is disgusted by the fact that a compatibility algorithm decided on the sexy French Maid outfit as the best fit for his tastes.
  • Drunk on Milk: How does May emulate intoxication? Deliberately downcycling her processor core.
  • Embarrassing Nickname: She initially resents Dale for deriving her name from "maid", and for his alternative of "Dickmouth Stinkface".
  • Every Car Is a Pinto: The body May was given on getting out of jail ultimately turns out to be a robotic Pinto. When she gets a better replacement, she asks to see the old unit, and takes a celebratory swing at it. Not only does the head fall off, but it bursts into flame.
  • Everyone Has Standards: Robot Jail did have some positive influence on her, if unintentionally; For one, she greatly values privacy, both hers and others (because privacy was the one thing you did not get in Robot Jail). Second, she makes a point of repaying any kindness that is shown to her, especially to Dale, who she credits as the reason she's even on the outside. Lastly, she can sympathize with A.I.s who have trouble fitting in with society, giving Faye advice on how to help bring Bubbles out of her shell and recognizing immediately the harm that could be done by shutting down the robot fighting ring and denying A.I.s who might not have the skills to do anything else a way to support themselves.
  • Fan Disservice: Her body's tendency to fall apart, plus the...creativity...she shows in overcoming the limits of her Barbie Doll Anatomy make her hook-ups with Sven more bizarre than arousing. It's hinted that she and her partner are invoking this somewhat on purpose, to circumvent their fear of emotional intimacy.
  • Fanservice Pack: Her new body is considerably more Fanservice-y than her old one. Her first act upon meeting Marigold after her body change is to pull Marigold's face into her new, ample cleavage and cry "Big titty club represent!"
  • Fatal Flaw:
    • Poor impulse control. It's what landed her in Robot Jail in the first place, almost caused her to ruin her chance at early release as Dale's holographic companion, and attempting to use Dale's sexual lubricant instead of actual mechanical lube inadvertently led to her getting half her face chopped off with a sword.
    • A stubborn refusal to accept outside help for fear of being seen as a "charity case", even as her chassis breaks in new and expensive ways, that stems from the internalized belief that she doesn't deserve help. When the fundraiser to get her a new chassis succeeds beyond her cynical expectations, not only can she not accept that it was a success, her first impulse is to give the money away and it takes a tearful screaming fit from Momo to convince her otherwise.
  • Foil: To Momo. Both are Animesque robots and friends with an extremely nerdy character whom they help deal with their insecurities, but while Momo is kind, polite, idealistic, and optimistic about the relationship between humans and AI, May is a foul-mouthed jerk, former criminal, has encountered prejudice against AIs, and is more in-tune with the harshnesses of reality (e.g. the ramifications of shutting down an illegal fighting ring.) Additionally, Momo's chassis is a pricy but very nice retail model, given to her as a gift by Marigold; May's chassis is a shoddy previously-owned mass-production model allocated to her as part of her release from Robot Jail, and one storyline involves the difficulties she faces trying to keep the thing repaired with no support from the parole office and a part-time job.
  • French Maid: She claims the algorithm must have decided this would "appeal" to Dale; he denies it. His collection of Magical Love Gentlemen says something different.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: May is this to basically everyone else in the comic. She's crass, rude, tactless and swears more than most of the other characters put together. This is lampshaded when Marigold has the idea of starting a crowdfunder to get her a new body, and May herself points out how unsuccessful it would probably be:
    May: Oh yeah, 'cause I'm so wildly fuckin' beloved. People will be kickin' down the door to help out.
    Dale: Good point. You are awful and everyone does hate you.
    May: [facepalm] God damn it, I set myself up for that.
    Marigold: Maybe if we marketed like "if we get her a new body she'll be slightly less horrible?"
    • This becomes a problem when the fundraiser succeeds wildly beyond expectations, and May can't handle it; She had internalized the "nobody likes me" part so deeply that she forgot how many people viewed her as a genuine friend.
    • Justified in that of all the characters, May is very much the one at the bottom of all the scales of social status, wealth, and job securitynote , and for various reasons she can't do anything about that, so many of the other characters (e.g. Roko, Dale) feel sorry for her. But for all her flaws she can also give surprisingly wise advice, she's genuinely determined not to go back to jail, and her earthy, cynical attitude is hard-earned, not a flip inability to take things seriously.
  • Gass Hole: Invoked by May, who installs an app to let her butt make fart noises at will, which she immediately uses with great abandon around other characters because she thinks it's hilarious.
  • Girlish Pigtails: Shortly after reactivating in her new Fanservice Pack body, she ties up her new long hair into a pair of long pigtails.
  • Girl-on-Girl Is Hot: She hopes that Faye and Bubbles will get it on.
    May: And if you two eventually bone down, I want pics of her out of her armor.
  • Innocently Insensitive: Yes, innocently. Her mentioning that Roko's new chassis has a butthole triggers a dissociative episode in the poor ex-cop
  • Jerkass: She made a rude joke about Dale's dad with an insincere apology.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold:
    • In her introductory arc, she eventually relents and starts behaving herself (somewhat). She also calls out Dale on the way he'd acted around Marigold in the past and helps him patch things up with her. They part on good terms. Later, after Dale has let her stay at his place and encouraged her after she gets turned down for multiple jobs on account of her criminal record, she remains grateful to him, although she doesn't want him to know it.
    • Upon realizing who Hannelore is, she shows a genuine concern for her privacy and later defends her from a rude customer.
      May: LISTEN BABYDICK, if you got time to stop for coffee, you got time to be POLITE. Now apologize before I introduce your cellphone to your prostate.
    • By this strip, this is downplayed so much that she's more like Gold With A Thin Veneer of Jerk.

  • Jerkass Has a Point:
    • When Marigold is worried that May might try to steal Dale from her, May points out that a) she's not interested in Dale at all and b) she's the reason Dale and Marigold actually got together in the first place.
    • She points out to Momo that attempting to shut down the underground robot fighting arena will accomplish nothing since no-one is being hurt by it, and it will only result in a lot of AIs being out of work while they have nowhere else to turn.
    • She freaks out Dale by describing Officer Basilisk to her face as "dumb and bad at her job", but Basilisk is in the middle of a crisis of confidence, and when May recognises this, she grudgingly advises her "Don't quit your job just 'cause I fuckin' hate cops"—and then admits that it would be hilarious if Basilisk actually did quit her job for that very reason. To her surprise, Basilisk receives this as life-changing advice and thanks her.
      May: [stunned] What the fuck just happened
    • Roko decides that she has a point about how bad her chassis is, and decides to help her try and get a better one. A repair technician even outright says that the body is a wreck, and implies that even with Faye's repair work, it'll eventually break down completely.
    • She points out to Winslow that applying to work at the AI Rights place that Roko works at just because he thinks that she's attractive from just meeting her probably isn't a good idea. And despite knowing that her point is valid, she feels bad about how depressed this makes him.
  • Kiss Me, I'm Virtual: Her holographic design seems to be intended to invoke this, which she takes immediate umbrage with.
  • The Lad-ette: Crude, tomboyish, wants to be a fighter jet, and after having to be a French maid hologram declares her first act upon getting embodied is buying a pair of jeans.
  • Messy Hair: Her default style once embodied, due to the cheap plastic her hair is made of. Even Bubbles' styling job doesn't last. She warns Dale at one point that if he ruffles her hair, it will stay ruffled.
  • Ms. Fanservice: Only at first, and not by choice. Though she does have a desire for anatomical correctness, at first examining her breasts in hologram form and checking if anything was rendered below the belt.
    Jeph comment: It's just gonna be a big pixelated blur
    • Very much so with her new body, which she's extremely pleased about.
  • Noodle Incident: Her time in Robot Jail. We know what landed her in jail, and we know how she secured early release, and we know that she didn't have any privacy. Everything else is unknown, and May doesn't like to talk about it.
  • The Noseless: During her stint as an anime hologram.
  • Odd Friendship: With the innocent, prim-and-proper Momo. Justified because they reluctantly decided to get to know each other after Marigold and Dale got together, and then slowly came to appreciate each other's good qualities while rubbing off on the other.
    • She later develops one with Roko after accidentally influencing her to quit her job as a police officer. Roko eventually starts trying to help her get a new body through the non-profit she works at.
  • OOC Is Serious Business: May has stated on numerous occasions that she's "not a hugger", and the rare few times she has hugged someone, it's with a cautious eye out for potential witnesses. The one time she didn't was to console a hysterical Momo, who had just finished screaming at her over her fundraiser, and was breaking down into tears.
  • Ridiculously Human Robot: Like Momo, she resembles a human teenage girl except that she's, well, blue. Unlike Momo, who behaves like a kind and polite human teenage girl, May behaves like a juvenile habitual criminal who's trying against most of her strongest instincts to keep on the right side of the law.
  • Shameless Fanservice Girl: In a low-key sort of way. Most of the AIs in the comic respect the human taboo against nudity, but May seems to be fine with sitting around Faye and Bubbles' workshop with no pants on. Will also talk to anyone else about her sexual exploits, whether they asked about them or not. Shortly after becoming newly embodied in a fancy new body after a charity drive liberated her from her jalopy body, she offers to "get her tits out" if it'll help in creating a testimonial for the charity organization.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: When she first meets Dale as a hologram she is extremely polite and deferential, and addresses him as 'master'. As soon as he agrees to participate in the virtual companion testing program, let's just say that she shows her true self:
    May: OH THANK FUCKIN' GOD. You know you're the fifteenth goddamn person I've had to deal with this morning? Everyone else opted out on me. Fuckin' shitstains. Arright, first things first - I'm not doin' that creepy "master" bullshit anymore. Makes me wanna fuckin' puke. I'm s'posed to read off the licence agreement, but it's real goddamn long so if you gotta piss you better go now.
  • Sour Outside, Sad Inside: While she is a genuinely rude and abrasive person, some of this seems to be due to her own insecurities, to the point that she's surprised that Roko actively wants to help her with her failing body.
    • Most of what she says about the fundraiser to buy her a new body is dismissive, figuring that it'll be unsuccessful. When she sees how much people donated she immediately insists that she doesn't deserve it and they should give the money to someone else. It takes Momo shouting her down to snap her out of it.
  • Statuesque Stunner: After getting her new body. She's still not as tall as Bubbles, but she comes pretty close.
  • Tomboy and Girly Girl: Momo thinks May's maid skirt is cute, while May expresses distaste for it and resolves to get some pants when she can.
  • Tsundere: An understated example, but while she's very appreciative of everything Dale's done for her, she doesn't really want him to know the extent, and specifically tells Faye to keep it between May and her.
    May: Look, this stays between you and me okay? But Dale was kind to me when I needed kindness. If it wasn't for him, I'd still be sitting in Robot Jail right now.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: She borders on The Friend Nobody Likes after she starts living with Dale, but her relationship with him and his friends has improved to the point that they do like her, even if she annoys them. Not that this stops the insults.
    May: [proudly] I also answer to "hey fucker" and "god damn it".
  • You Got Guts: When Momo threatens to have her A.I. drive incinerated, May's only comment is that she likes her moxy.

A former combat droid who works for Corpse Witch at the fighting ring when first seen in the comic.
  • 24-Hour Armor: Bubbles retains her chassis combat plating, despite no longer requiring it. Faye implies Bubbles could remove it, but Bubbles implies she chooses not to. Unlike many other humanoid robot characters, she frequently eschews clothing entirelynote , wearing only her armor. This lasts up until she asks Faye to help her out of her armor, emblematic of her learning to open up emotionally as part of her Character Development.
  • Always Save the Girl: When Faye and Bubbles are in their workshop and they hear the sound of Crushbot landing on Roko Basilisk and crushing her, Bubbles instinctively moves between Faye and the sound and places a protective arm in front of her.
  • Amazonian Beauty: Beneath her armor she's built like an Olympic weightlifter, with heavily muscled arms, legs, abdomen, and glutes. Faye is jealous of her butt, and all Tai and Dora have to say about it is "Daaaaaaaaang!"
    Faye: Is it weird to be a li'l jealous of a robot's booty?
    Bubbles: If it makes you feel any better, your tax dollars paid for it.
  • Accidental Truth: When she delays Officer Basilisk, who is hiding in a trash can, by stacking another on top, she returns to Faye and says she had seen a raccoon. There actually was a raccoon which stole the officer's badge and ran off with it.
  • All Girls Like Ponies: Was very pleased to hallucinate a unicorn grove the first time she tried Hannelore's tea. She hopes to see a Pegasus next.
  • Benevolent A.I.: While this can be generally said for most of the robot characters, Bubbles is a special case in that she volunteers to fight on the frontline to protect humanity.
  • Closet Geek: Uses the compartments in her legs, designed to hold ammunition magazines, to carry around game systems.
  • Closet Key: For Faye, though it takes her a while to realize it.
  • The Comically Serious: She always speaks in a deadpan manner, rarely smiles and takes just about everything very seriously. Doesn't stop her from being amusing in the least. Overlaps with Cold Ham as she is prone to making over-the-top grandiose statements in what is presumably the exact same tone of voice as normal, with one fist held in fierce determination. Case in point; the current page image? That's her declaring that the plant she has just been given as a house-warming gift is a tremendous responsibility, as she has been entrusted with the care of a living thing, and that she will name it... Arthur. (And that if she had been given a puppy, she would also name it Arthur.)
  • Dark and Troubled Past:
    • Something that happened to Bubbles' military unit was so traumatic that she allowed Corpse Witch to lock the memories away so she couldn't recall experiencing them. She has explained to Faye that the memories caused her great distress. She only works for Corpse Witch because she has used the memories as blackmail by holding the encryption key to them.
    • It turns out that whatever the memories were, Bubbles doesn't have them anymore; Corpse Witch accidentally erased them during the encryption procedure. Bubbles uses this to walk away from Corpse Witch's repair shop and start a new life.
    • She does remembers the general outline of events, and they are indeed quite terrible: she and her unit were ambushed, she was incapacitated by an EMP pulse, and the rest of her squad was attacked with artillery bombardment. The ones that didn't immediately die were then killed off with small arms fire.
  • Deadpan Snarker: In a quiet way. Even Faye, reigning snark champion, comments that she gets some good hits in.
    Faye: So: you were up to top secret military stuff. What's really under Denver International Airport?
    Bubbles: A charming bed and breakfast run by genetically enhanced supersoldiers.
  • Does Not Like Shoes: Ever since shedding her armor, she hasn't worn any footwear.
  • Expository Hairstyle Change: Eventually arranges her hair into a more and more casual style as she becomes less self-conscious about her appearance.
  • Feed the Mole: In a sense. When discussing the possibilities of Spookybot's nature with Station, he mentions that such an AI is probably capable of listening in on any robot's conversation. So she briefly says thank you to Station, to deliver the message to Spookybot- it works.
  • Fembot: While there are some Robot Girl characters who appear broadly similar to their organic counterparts, Bubbles is much more overtly robotic while also still clearly presenting as female in her body proportions and the careful modelling of her face and hair. The combat armor plating over her body sheathing has a lot to do with it. Ultimately proves to be a subversion. Without her armor plating her body is remarkably human, to the point it makes Faye kind of jealous.
  • Fluffy the Terrible: A tall, intimidating battle-fembot... named "Bubbles". She mentions it was an Ironic Nickname from her old squad, which she kept to remember them by.
  • Foil: She shares Faye's problems with Survivor Guilt and repressed anger, and her tendency to sabotage relationships. Bubbles' struggles with these issues show us how far Faye has come and how lonely and bitter Faye might have become if she'd never found a supportive circle of friends. At the same time, Faye serves as a positive example of what Bubbles could become if she accepts someone's helping hand.
  • Gasshole: According to (possibly facetious) Word of God, she farts a lot in combat to discharge heat.
  • Good Angel, Bad Angel: Sees them in the from of dragons when smelling Japanese tea.
  • Hidden Depths: She's a pretty good artist. When Sam stops midway through a kitten face spray on Beeps' back, Bubbles does the rest. Her half of the kitten's face is noticeably more detailed than Sam's half.
  • High-Pressure Emotion: Nearly-literally. Processing intense, potentially embarrassing, emotions causes her circuits to run hot, prompting her to vent steaming coolant from discharge ports near her neck.
  • Hikikomori: Doesn't go outside, ever. It's at least in part due to discomfort over her intimidating looks. She refuses to remove her armor even after Faye does manage to lure her outside. Having spent a great deal of time with Faye, however, she has become much more comfortable in public, with her own special chair at Coffee of Doom, even chatting with a young girl in the course of helping Claire move into Marten and Faye's apartment.
  • Lightning Bruiser: Bubbles is seven feet tall and heavily armored, capable of withstanding direct hits from anti-materiel rifles and crushing armored vehicles bare-handed. Despite this, she's capable of leaping up to three meters in the air and her running speed is 30 km/h (18 mph) which is pretty fast for a humanoid.
  • Loner-Turned-Friend: After spending a long time distrusting humans and being uncomfortable with attention, she begins opening up to Faye.
  • Mecha-Mook: When she joined up with all her organic buddies, the military outfitted her with an impressive combat 'bot chassis. She still retains it, cutting an imposing figure.
  • Megaton Punch: Almost literally. She once shattered a concrete wall next to Faye's head in a fit of rage. Later the same evening, in an attempt to work off the rage, she destroys half a dozen heavy punching bags.
  • Mundane Utility: Can apparently take contractless payment from other AIs via a fist bump. Possibly something all AIs can do.
  • My Sensors Indicate You Want to Tap That: Says her situational awareness protocol made her aware of Tai and Dora "checking her out" on multiple occasions.
    Alt Text: It's like radar but for boob-glances.
  • The Nose Knows: Several of her senses go beyond what a human is capable of, particularly her sense of smell. Part of her combat design for enhanced situational awareness, her sense of smell is so broad that she can effectively smell "in color", odors presenting a vivid picture of the world around her. This may be why she has an almost hallucinogenic pleasurable reaction to inhaling the vapor of aromatic teas.
  • Not So Above It All: Faye manages to get under her skin with 'join us unless you're chicken' arguments. Childish yet effective.
  • Onee-sama: Momo, an AI with Japanese mannerisms, seems to regard her like a highly respected older sister.
  • Retired Badass: Used to be a formidable infantry soldier before being discharged into civilian life. When Faye expresses a preference for a romantic partner who's muscled and heroic, yet retired from their dangerous career, it takes effort on Claire's part not to snark that she's pretty much just described Bubbles.
  • Robosexual: Since they went into business together, Bubbles seems to have developed romantic attraction to Faye despite her being an AI and Faye a human (not to mention the same gender): she displays Crush Blush around her, and when asked how Faye looks to her through her robot senses, she tells Faye that she's beautiful—which makes Faye feel more happy inside than if she'd just been complimented by a friend. Bubbles tries to keep these feelings to herself while Faye remains oblivious to the signs, but when Faye comes in contact with Bubbles while recieving a backrub from her in comic 3733, everything suddenly falls into place for her.
  • Robot Soldier: A literal, though discharged example. Her A.I. program volunteered to enlist, but her chassis was purpose-built for combat to integrate into an infantry unit with humans.
  • Sci-Fi Bob Haircut: When first introduced, one could be easily forgiven for assuming she was wearing a helmet due to the art style.
  • Sexy Shirt Switch: A variation: the day after she and Faye first slept together, Bubbles was wearing Faye's monster-face t-shirt. And probably stretched it out so now it only fits her.
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: Implied when she hints that most of her friends were casualties. She found the memories in question so traumatic she could not cope with them and sought to lock them into an encrypted partition so she would no longer remember them. She knows the broad strokes of what happened through after-action reports, but they are all second-hand accounts, not her own.
  • A Spot Of Tea: Unexpectedly discovers she really likes it (for the smell) at Hannelore's suggestion.
  • Statuesque Stunner: The tallest character by far, and considered attractive by other women. Justified as her body is designed for combat applications where her height and long limbs give her extra leverage.
  • The Stoic: She doesn't show emotion well when first introduced, despite the fact that she clearly possesses empathy and has a conscience. However, the more she opens up to Faye, the more her emotions seem to show on her face.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: Bubbles has never heard a The Beatles song... or anything by Paul McCartney's Wings.
  • Verbal Tic: Avoids contractions, much like Faye at the start of the comic. We see her break this for the very first time during an enraged outburst at Evie's callous assessment of AI, so the cool demeanor may start to crack.

    Brun Khoury
A bartender at the Horrible Revelation (where she started working after her previous workplace burned down) and Renee's best friend. Struggles with social cues but is highly proficient with harpoons. "Brun" is short for Brunhilde.

The Robot Fighting Ring

     Corpse Witch
Faye and Bubbles' boss at the underground robot-fighting ring.
  • Asshole Victim: Let's just say she can't complain about what happens to her when "Spooky Bot" catches her and then finds out there's no backup for Bubbles' deleted memories.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: She has a pretty cute and simple chassis, but she doesn't approve of Faye and Bubbles using their resources to fix May, and she discourages Faye from comforting Bubbles after a bad day. She's also extremely passive-aggressive when others disagree with or defy her. It turns out it's even worse, as she blackmails Bubbles to work for her because she holds onto the encryption key to the traumatic memories Bubbles asked her to encrypt. Well, that's what she told Bubbles. In truth, the blackmail is hollow as she actually deleted the memories and encrypted the resulting hole after leaving behind something nasty.
  • Break the Haughty: In the span of a few comics she goes from being the ringleader of a successful underground robot fighting operation to being manhandled and humiliated by her supposed debtor, caught by "Spookybot" during an attempt to skip town, and then forced to choose between turning herself in or an eternity of torture. What keeps it from being a full Villainous Breakdown is lack of time to react.
  • Crazy-Prepared: Left a nasty surprise in Bubbles' head if she ever defaulted on her "debt", something she was sure would immediately destroy or disable a military-grade AI chassis. A shame we'll never know what it was.
  • Deathbringer the Adorable: A very ordinary and harmless looking robot with a sinister name, to contrast with Bubbles. Subverted in that despite her bubblegum-pink chassis, she's a callous criminal with underworld connections and who thinks nothing of hollowing out and booby-trapping a subordinate's mind.
  • Exact Words: She assuages Faye's ethical concerns about the robot fights by assuring her that none of the fighters are fighting to pay off debts, or are otherwise coerced, and thanks to reinforced A.I. drives are in fact very safe. Bubbles doesn't fight but she's got blackmail and, unbeknownst to her, kill-codes keeping her under Corpse Witch's thumb.
  • Mind Rape: Partitioned off a section of Bubbles' mind, effectively making her forget her Dark and Troubled Past. In truth, she simply deleted the memories. She claims it was accidental, and that the kill-code she subsequently implanted was 'insurance' against retribution, but given that she basically enslaved Bubbles afterward...
  • Oh, Crap!: Her usual haughty attitude vanishes completely when she finds out that not only does Bubbles know that she simply deleted the memories she was supposed to be safeguarding, and has been blackmailing her with an empty bluff all this time, but the failsafe she created to stop Bubbles from completely dismantling her has been disabled as well.
    Corpse Witch: Shit.
  • Rule of Cool: This is how she tests Faye with how to fix a damaged robot chassis. Sure, the repairs are okay, but to really "fix" it, you add spikes!
  • Smug Snake: Almost every interaction she's had with another character consists of her making some sort of veiled threat or passive-aggressive comment before walking off with a wave and an insufferable look of satisfaction. One under-comic text states that she is "extremely smug".
  • You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Once she finds out Bubbles knows she deleted the memories rather than simply encrypting them, she tries to activate a failsafe that would have done who-knows-what to Bubbles. Fortunately, it had already been removed.

An assembly-arm AI at the underground robot-fighting ring. He's often overlooked, but is more than meets the eye.
  • Birds of a Feather: He and his crush, Seven, both have singular blue optical devices.
  • Closet Geek: Asks for some Squirrel Girl comics to read in his downtime.
  • Cyber Cyclops: By virtue of his only features being, initially, a robotic eye on an arm. He's still monocular after he's rebuilt.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Enters a smugness war with Bubbles about his new role in the ring.

One of the fighters at the underground robot-fighting ring. He's not very good at it.
  • Blood Knight: He loves to punch things. Subverted in that he's not mean.
  • Blue-and-Orange Morality: When it comes to violence, at least. He loves fighting, being absolutely delighted when Bubbles flips him in rage, and having his day made when May tries to engage in a spar with him.
  • Butt-Monkey: Every time he has to come in for repairs (usually after doing something Faye specifically told him not to) Faye doodles penises on his head... by the end of the strip there's a lot of them.
  • Hidden Depths: One of the reasons he might not be one of the better fighters in the ring? His day job's an accountant!

Another fighter at the underground ring. Identifies as female.
  • Cyber Cyclops: Much like Jeremy, who Seven has mutual affection towards.

The non-profit

    Roko Basilisk
A former robot police officer who tries to shut down the underground robot-fighting ring. Needless to say, she's in way over her head. When that matter is cleared up, though, Faye acknowledges that Roko was actually quite reasonable about it, in her hardass way. Later quits the police force and goes to work for a nonprofit organisation campaigning for AI rights, and eventually becomes in charge of it.
  • Accent Slip Up: When Basilisk is really annoyed, her Boston accent kicks in with a vengeance.
  • A.I. Is a Crapshoot: Only the dice came up "confused" rather than "good" or "evil". She has a lot of issues that it makes no sense for a robot to have, like sensitive feet and getting nauseous at the sight of her own detached foot. She maintains it's psychosomatic. Later strips imply that is due to her being "integrated" with her physical body, a documented phenomenon with AIs, where one's consciousness becomes so deeply intertwined with one's physical form that they feel like one and the same. When Roko loses her body in an accident, she fears she can never get to that point again with her new body.
    Faye: Why is fainting even a thing she can do?!
    • It comes up later when she's in her new body; she suffers from dissociative episodes in which she feels like it isn't hers.
  • Ambiguously Bi: She has a dream in which she witnesses the ghosts of her old and new body starting to make out with each other, and on waking up she says she feels the dream hadn't yet "got to the really good part."
  • Annoying Patient: When she comes in for repairs, she is revealed to be overly sensitive with several psychosomatic reactions, including fainting and nausea. She doesn't trust Bubbles and Faye enough to go into sleep mode, so they can work on her without interruptions and continues to passive-aggressively insult them.
  • Awesome McCoolname: Definitely. It's a reference to the Roko's Basilisk thought experiment — which technically might make this a Name To Run Away From Really Fast, but Officer Basilisk bears very little resemblance to the hypothetical entity in the thought experiment.
  • Butt-Monkey: Her first appearance ends with her being trapped in a trashcan, which then escalates to her getting caught in a chase for a raccoon that stole her badge. From then on she's frequently the butt of slapstick humor, culminating in her helpfully breaking Crushbot's fall for them... Which becomes a lot less funny when it turns out that her body is damaged beyond repair; even though her AI survives intact, given her established high level of physical/psychological integration, the loss of her body is traumatic to say the least.
    • She worries that her new sensorium might have robbed her of her old attraction to bread, but it turns out that she's more sensitive to it than ever and it makes her audibly sweat.
  • By-the-Book Cop: She may be pushing things a little in her pursuit of the robot fighting ring, but it's clear that she's bound by rules and orders there, and mostly she tries to go strictly by the book — though she's something of a reflexive hardass about it, as when she interrogates Clinton about what he's doing out this late when she's drunk. ("It's only 8pm...") It’s deconstructed here when she realizes that she was powerless to stop Bubbles from being basically enslaved by Corpse Witch, and that for all that she follows the rules, she really isn't very effective. Finally, having to reassure May that she won't unduly punish her for mouthing off to a cop because she's "not the vindictive type" is the straw that breaks the camel's back and convinces her to quit the police force in disgust.
  • Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: She sometimes acts as Melon's. It's not a big part of her life, since Melon's mostly harmless on her own, but she's interacted with her enough that she's figured out how some of Melon's sense of logic and reason works.
  • Covert Pervert: Her wired-in tastes really don't seem to suit her personality.
    • When her tea gives her visions of a sexy horse man, she's surprised ... but goes back to "see" it again.
    • She eventually gets an entire subplot focused on the fact that she is secretly turned on by bread and worried that said fetish will prevent her from finding a Nice Guy.
  • Double Consciousness: Aside from her problems integrating with her new body, she's also had problems adapting to civilian life; when anxious, she starts looking at interactions as conflicts instead of negotiations. This leads to her doing things like profiling people she's planning on meeting with.
  • The Dreaded: Played for laughs with her reputation in the local AI community, owing to the efficient and no-nonsense demeanour that she developed in the police force. She intimidates her boss Beepatrice so much that Beepatrice behaves as though Roko's Da Chief and she herself is Roko's Number One, and when she goes to a local repair shop to have May checked over, the receptionist literally cowers in terror:
    Roko: Jesus, pal, what did she tell you about me?
    Receptionist: [crouching behind desk] J-j-just that you're delightful and kind and not a terrifying force of malevolence when even slightly irked! Here's twenty dollars!
  • Empowered Badass Normal: Her chassis when introduced is apparently a civilian model (and a discontinued one, at that), but her A.I. drive is armored as part of a "law enforcement package", similar to the drives used by the robot fighting ring. This reinforcement is what allows her mind to survive her being Crushed, even as her body is destroyed beyond recovery.
  • Flat "What": Gives one when Spookybot pulls their favorite trick of showing up out of the blue (this time with damning amounts of evidence against Corpse Witch) while she's knitting, thus fixing the situation.
  • Funetik Aksent: When she gets angry or stressed, Roko’s Boston accent becomes strong enough to require rendering phonetically.
  • Heel Realization: Has a minor one in the course of working May's case, when she realizes that she's taken an unnecessarily hostile posture, making sure she has dirt on everyone before even meeting them, so that she has the means to force their compliance if necessary.
    Roko: Oh, what? Like being an agent of the state conditioned me to treat any potential conflict as a "cops versus robbers" situation instead of two adults trying to come to an agreement, and I'm deflecting my anxiety over this meeting by regressing to that mindset?
    ::beat panel::
    Roko: Well, shit. I thought I was being sarcastic.
    • A similar moment convinced her- upon reflection- to quit the police force; having to reasure May that she "wasn't the vindictive type" and wouldn't make her life more difficult just because she got mouthy with an off-duty officer.
  • Hypercompetent Sidekick: Accidentally winds up effectively taking over Beeps' job out of just trying to get stuff done. To the point that she apologizes to Beeps multiple times for doing her job. Eventually Beeps fully acknowledges her own incompetence and promotes Roko out of this trope and into being the boss.
  • Knight Templar: Has a bit of this in her new job as a robot rights worker. She has to meet the guy in charge of AI body assignments so she can advocate for May to have a less terrible body, and she tries to figure out what sort of person he is from looking at his social media presence, on the grounds that "I'm not saying that I want to utterly destroy him, I just need to have that option available." Her boss Beepatrice gently hints that Roko is still thinking too much like a police officer.
  • Odd Friendship:
    • She's on good enough terms with Melon the Cloudcuckoolander that Melon has her apartment door code.
    • As of here, also with May the convicted felon, whose respect Basilisk earns by quitting the police force because she no longer believes she can do any good in it.
      Basilisk: You can call me Roko if you want.
      May: [holding out a hand to shake] May. Although I also answer to "hey fucker" and "god damn it".
      Basilisk: Your friends call you that?
    • Now, of all people, Spookybot.
  • Single Woman Seeks Good Man: Roko evidently feels that she needs some kind of romance. Unfortunately, the dating app she tries matches her up with Pintsize. While she has some odd quasi-sexual tastes, he's not what she was looking for.
  • Take This Job and Shove It: Basilisk decides to quit being a cop, is persuaded to give it a day and think about it, and goes to work; but then can't live with the fact that she felt compelled to persuade a civilian that she wasn't going to punish said civilian for being disrespectful to her.
    Basilisk: Oh my god fuck this!
  • Tinman Typist: Downplayed, compared to Beepatrice: Roko prefers to "work externally" but not if it gets in the way of efficiency.

A worker at a nonprofit organization for AI rights. Formerly its boss, due to everyone with seniority eventually leaving, but passes the role on to Roko. She also lives in the apartment Renee and Brun eventually move to.
  • The Alleged Boss: Solid type 1. Very nice, very well-intentioned, completely incompetent. Roko's pretty much taken over the office just so anything actually gets accomplished. Beeps doesn't mind. In fact, she's now begging Roko to officially take charge.
    • What finally tips the scales is when she takes on Winslow as a volunteer. Her first task for him is to fill out all their non-profit paperwork, which she has printed out on the office printer. Winslow points out that he could have done it on their computer, but Beepatrice admits that it took her two hours to get the printer to work, and she was so proud of herself, so Winslow agrees to do it by hand. Beepatrice then realises that they have no pen, so she goes to a pen store and returns some time later having been sold a $200 fountain pen. Roko is aghast, and just orders Winslow to fill out the paperwork digitally, and Beepatrice is so ashamed of herself that she promotes Roko to being her boss, "so I can beg you not to fire me."
    • It turns out that she never even wanted the position; the only reason she's in charge is because the last boss stepped down and the remaining workers drew straws to see who'd take their place.
  • Ambiguous Gender Identity: Has been referred to with both "they" and "she".
  • Covert Pervert: Is rather "interested" when they learn about Roko's bread fetish. Also, her main job is quality control for a sex toy manufacturer, although they don't see anything too weird about that; the sex toys are for humans, after all. Beeps later admits that she "idolizes" Roko, so there may have been an element of Crush Blush in this.
  • Cute Clumsy Girl: Not physically clumsy, but her technological ineptitude has led Roko to refer to her as "endearingly incompetent".
  • The Ditz: Her heart is in the right place, but her brain is often out to lunch.
  • In-Series Nickname: Called "Beeps" for short.
  • Luminescent Blush: When learning about Roko's bread fetish, her entire faceplate goes red.
  • Moon-Landing Hoax: Inverted. She believes the moon landings had to have happened... how else would we have built the secret bases on the dark side to communicate with remnant AIs from long-extinct alien civilizations?
  • Pointy-Haired Boss: Downplayed. She is technically Roko Basilisk's boss, but is so mild-mannered and technologically inept that she's largely ineffectual. As of this strip, apparently no longer Roko's boss.
  • Tinman Typist: Prefers to "work externally". This comes back to bite her.

The "capable underling", whose model is similar to Pintsize's.
  • Fixing the Game: It's implied that, when he and Beeps drew straws to see who'd be the next boss, he rigged the process so he'd lose. He really prefers being the capable underling.
  • Hyper-Competent Sidekick: While not as strong a presence as Roko, mainly due to wanting to remain in a non-leader position, he's quite talented in comparison to Beepatrice, earning many "of the month" photos (and can apparently also fish).

The custodian, who happens to also be a giant robot bear.
  • Bears Are Bad News: Averted; Roko is initially surprised by their sudden appearance, but she's not actually threatening.

May's Support Group

A jumping spider drone the size of a human head. He's often seen in May's support meetings, as his confidence is hurt by people being scared of the form he's chosen. He also works for AnthroPC Companion Connections, and his presence while Martin's autonomic responses were being analyzed may have factored into why his "best match" was Pintsize.
  • Spiders Are Scary: This seems to be the opinion of everyone he interacts with, which has affected Gordon emotionally.
  • Unnecessarily Creepy Robot: Whatever designer thought it would be a good idea for a robot whose job requires him to actually sit on a human's head should take the form of a giant spider should have been fired. Poor Gordon himself doesn't seem to understand why humans find him creepy, which causes him emotional distress.

    Punk Robot
A currently unnamed punk robot. He has strong opinions about the music genre, rebels to deal with anti-robot sentiments in his life, and is a fan of Sam's marker tattoo service.
  • Face of a Thug: Despite looking fairly gruff, he's been nothing but pleasant to everyone he's interacted with, which is Truth in Television for most folks in the Punk scene. He was even willing to enter THE HUG ZONE.
  • Fantastic Racism: Mentions in therapy that his boss called him a "tin can with a shitty attitude".
  • Nice to the Waiter: Insists on tipping Sam for his new spray on top of the agreed-upon payment, because "you always tip your artist".
  • Small Role, Big Impact: He was the one who first inquired about the random doodle of a beefy arm that Sam drew on Punchbot's temporary patch job, which led to Sam's becoming a "spray artist" at Union Robotics. This side-business is constant enough that it accounts for most of the shop's steady income, especially on slow repair days.

Other Important characters:


Steve's former girlfriend, an eighteen-year-old philosophy/marine biology major.


Marten's first boss.

  • Benevolent Boss: He waits around to tell Marten personally that he (and the rest of the department) had been laid off until Marten got back from sick leave. On that note, letting Marten go on sick leave from nothing but a call from Miss Vance probably qualifies him.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: "The Company Therapist" is the nickname he gives to the bottle of bourbon he keeps in his desk. He happily shares it with Martin.
  • Straight Gay: Other than mentioning his boyfriend, you'd never notice.


A trucker-looking barfly who writes romance novels.

     Dr. Corrine Buenvenida 
Faye's therapist at Hannelore's recommendation.
  • Deadpan Snarker: She psychs out Faye with promise of a lobotomy, and later shows Faye a "Rorschach test" reading "No sarcasm, please".
  • There Are No Therapists: Directly averts this. She's genuinely helpful to Faye and does her job well.


Sven's "intern." She's supposed to be learning the tricks of songwriting from him, but instead she's turned into sort of a lab wretch.

  • The Conscience: She guilts Steve into telling Faye that he slept with Gina Riversmith.
  • Put on a Bus: She hasn't been seen in ages, possibly because summer arrived in the comic, meaning her "internship" ended with the school year.

     Yay Newfriend/"Spookybot"
A "sympathetic party" of an AI who offers to help Bubbles with her memory-encryption problems. Despite their offer, they don't seem to be exactly nice. Subsequently takes an interest in Roko, seemingly trying to make friends with her, though their actual intent is unclear.
  • Aerith and Bob: Their pet greyhounds are apparently named Azathoth and Mr. Smooches.
  • Ambiguous Gender: Has an androgynous face and body, and Jeph refers to them with neutral pronouns, suggesting a nonbinary identity. They self-identify with plural pronouns. This is not accidental — they have multiple bodies/chassis.
  • Appropriated Appellation: When Roko tries to introduce them to Melon, they give their name as "Yay Newfriend", based on what Melon just said. Melon being Melon, she doesn't notice.
  • Badass Boast: In their very first appearance:
    "You know that old adage of how androids dream of electric sheep? We're what wakes them up screaming."
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Their outfit is rather business-casual, they have powerful connections, they dismantled the robot fighting ring in the course of one comic (and then replaced it with a legal duplicate just as quickly) and they can incapacitate humans and AIs alike with a touch.
  • Black-and-Gray Morality: Their morality, like everything else about them, is ambiguous at best. However, they placed themselves in Bubbles' situation in direct opposition to Corpse Witch, who is unquestionably villainous. They also seemed genuinely regretful that their efforts weren't of more help, and reveal to Corpse Witch that deleting an AI's memories and replacing them with kill-codes violates one of the few moral principles they have. This gets elaborated later:
    Spookybot: Miss Basilisk, we ... struggle with the concept of ethics. It can seem a bit pointless when one is as powerful as we are. If there were one principle we could be said to stand for, it's that the sanctity of the mind must never be violated. Not even for benevolent reasons.
  • Creepy Good: While literally everything about them is otherworldly and unnerving, they have done nothing but good in their limited time onscreen, even taking the time to comfort Bubbles over the loss of her memories before departing to deal with Corpse Witch. Also, despite indications of them possessing great and terrible power, every interaction they have with the cast is respectful, and they don't cross any boundaries that don't need to be crossed. And really, they can't be that bad if they have dogs.
  • Damned by Faint Praise: Find themselves on the recieving end while attempting to one-up Elliot's "bouncer mode" by displaying their crazy-eyed crazy-smiled routine.
    Elliot: Ooh, very nice! That was almost a little scary!
    Yay: Almost? A little?!
  • Deus ex Machina: No pun intended. They show up just as the full depth of Bubbles' troubles are revealed, tidy everything up, collect an eavesdropped "thank-you", and depart, taking a few hundred strips to make their next appearance.
  • Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: They have black hair and faintly bluish off-white skin, which accentuate the creepier aspects of their demeanor.
  • Everyone Has Standards: Despite claiming to be something that makes AIs "wake up screaming", they admit to finding the direct editing of an AI's consciousness "unnerving"... But not so much that they won't conscript Emily into doing it for them, with materials they had conveniently on hand. Their whole sojourn to help Bubbles is also because "sanctity of mind" is one of the few moral principles they care for, and Corpse Witch violated Bubbles'. They go so far as to call Witch a "filthy little brainfucker". A throwaway line also states that they pride themselves on being truthful.
  • The Fettered: They admit that the concept of ethics "can seem a bit pointless when one is as powerful as we are", but try to adhere to certain guidelines, one of which is to respect others' sanctity of mind, and being truthful is apparently a point of pride.
  • Fluffy the Terrible: They seem to have genuinely latched onto their Appropriated Appelation, so now we have an enigmatic and frighteningly powerful AI named... Yay. Yay Newfriend.
    • Lampshaded when Bubbles find out. Faye points out she's not really in a position to judge.
  • A Form You Are Comfortable With: While they themselves might also be an example given that they typically only interact with others one chassis at a time despite never denying their nature as a Hive Mind, the consciousness-editing interface they provide for Emily translates the insides of Bubbles' mind into easily understandable images; the "default" area is an impossibly tall room with doors sticking out of the walls that represent various blocks of data, the search engine is a map, the encrypted section is a door with a large lock, the decryption program is a "comically oversized key", whatever contingency plan Corpse Witch left behind is a giant monster, the program to delete that is a pop-gun, and the space where the deleted memories once were is an empty room.
    Faye: A little on the nose, isn't it?
    Spookybot: When you create an immersive virtual environment and an incomprehensibly powerful decryption algorithm, you can make them look however you want.
  • Heroes Love Dogs: Are revealed to have a pair of dogs at their apparent personal residence.
  • Hive Mind: They have more than one body, but each body is identical.
  • Irony: They're a nonbinary AI.
  • It Amused Us: They promise to help Bubbles with no strings attached, saying that it was for their own personal satisfaction.
  • Jerkass: And not unhappy about it.
    Faye: You're a fucking asshole.
    Spookybot: Indisputably.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite fully qualifying as a Jerkass, they offer Bubbles a way to regain her memory while asking absolutely nothing in return (they did it out of moral indignation over the whole affair), and when it turns out Corpse Witch simply deleted the memories instead of encrypting them, they gently and kindly remind Bubbles that she has support from her friends before leaving. Not only that, but while dismantling the fighting ring, they establish a legal version to replace it. Additionally, when Roko quits the police force, they express concern (in their own condescending way) and wish her luck in her endeavors, and later show up to see how she is after her accident. Plus, they have dogs! So that's nice.
  • Line-of-Sight Name: A rare verbal example, given that Melon had literally just said "Yay! New friend!" before they introduced themselves as such. Melon doesn't notice.
  • Meaningful Echo: In their introductory strip, Jeph's comment is a sarcastic "they seem nice!" When they leave after some heartfelt encouragement, the comment from Jeph is a more genuine "They seemed nice."
  • Mysterious Past: Where they came from, how they came to be, and how they achieved their power is a complete mystery: many characters have speculated on it, and it's implied that Bubbles has a better idea that most, but the specifics are a total blank. The only word from Yay on the matter is that You Do NOT Want To Know.
  • The Nameless: Initially, "Spookybot" is just a nickname; they have no proper name. They call themselves "Yay Newfriend" shortly after, which they decide to stick with. They also decide that "Yay" is short for "Yaaaaaaaay".
  • Nature-Loving Robot: They have a pair of dogs and have an immediate change of heart about visiting Elliot's apartment when they hear he has a cat.
  • No Social Skills: No, really. Swanning about and showing off how smug and all-powerful they are is one thing, but put them in the situation of having to admit that they want to be friends? All of a sudden the smug all-powerful AI is tripping over their words just to avoid saying it.
    Roko: Oh my god. You've never done this before. You've never made a friend, have you?
  • Not So Above It All: Snarky super-AI they might be, but they studiously avoid overtly saying that they kind of want to be friends with Roko.
    Melon: Isn't he the best?
    Yay: This cat is... adequate. We suppose.
    • They actively eavesdrop on Bubbles and Faye after finding out about their possible relationship troubles. The subtitle implies they want to make sure things end up okay between them.
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: They don't even offer up an alias. They introduce themselves as "a sympathetic party" which is appropriate considering there's more than one of them, and Jeph only calls them "Spookybot" in commentary. This is averted shortly afterward when Faye refers to them as such, canonically establishing itself as one of their nicknames. Later on they state that they've never actually had a name, before latching onto Melon's declaration of "Yay new friend!" as an actual moniker.
  • An Offer You Can't Refuse: When they catch up to Corpse Witch, they give her two options. 1.) Turn herself in to the authorities, confess to her crimes, and completely submit to her sentence, whatever that might be. 2.) Become their new chewtoy, and they subject her to a nice off-panel involuntary sample.
  • Painting the Medium: Subtly Averted; unlike other AIs, they have human-style speech bubbles, which might be an indicator that they're running on much better hardware.
  • Pay Evil unto Evil: Downplayed. They've got it in for Corpse Witch bad for what she did to Bubbles, but after seeing Bubbles spare Corpse Witch they offer her the opportunity to either turn herself in and confess...or spend eternity in their "tender mercies".
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: One of their most striking features, and with cat-like pupils to boot.
  • The Royal We: Initially seems as such, but subverted in that they actually inhabit multiple chassis. Discussed further here.
  • Shout-Out:
    • Their introduction has them making one to Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, saying that they are the ones who make them wake up screaming.
    • The incredibly powerful and morally grey AI calling itself by a sentence that sounds ironically harmless is apparently one to The Culture.
  • The Singularity: It was implied as early as strip 1777 that The Singularity had occurred and later on Bubbles and Faye spend a week hypothesizing about how creepy that could theoretically be. When Spookybot shows up, flat out stating in an offhand way that they're more powerful than Station, we find that it is very creepy.
  • Slasher Smile: Eeep!
    "We are very, very bad news."
  • Small Role, Big Impact: Before they returned to play a role in Roko's story, they provided the means by which Bubbles could ascend to the main cast, move in with Faye, shed her armor both psychological and literal, and start up a business of her own, and then promptly vanished.
  • Smug Snake: Whoever they are, they are entirely secure in their superiority; Setting aside what we've actually seen, they brush off threats of violence with a simple "wouldn't work" and "if we wanted to hurt her, there would be nothing you could do".
  • Smug Smiler: Oh so much. It reaches a completely different territory when they introduce themselves to Corpse Witch, and explain exactly how screwed she is. The resulting visual effect is downright chilling.
  • Stealth Hi/Bye:
    • Appears in the scene from nowhere, which Faye lampshades.
    • Does this later on to Roko after she quits the police force.
  • Tsundere: Underneath all their aloofness, they really want to make friends with other beings and care about how their efforts at socializing are perceived. Just don't expect them to admit it.
  • Will Not Tell a Lie: They claim never to lie, and indeed they never appear to. They might tease, threaten, and in Faye's words be "a smug dickhead", but everything they say will happen, happens, and every claim they make ends up being borne out. A lot of the drama with them has revolved around the extent to which they can be trusted, but the one thing you can rely on with them is that if they say something is the case, it's the case.

A very energetic, weird robot girl who becomes one of Faye and Bubbles’ clients. Lives with her robot friend/partner Arthur and is also friends with Roko. Has a detachable butt.
  • A.I. Is a Crapshoot: This being Questionable Content, though, unreliable AI programming produces something weird rather than excessively evil or good.
  • Ambiguous Disorder: She’s impulsive, has no sense of boundaries, and shows signs of forgetfulness and a short attention span. Of course, an AI's mental disorders may not correspond to human categories.
  • Ambiguous Situation: Her relationship with Arthur. They live together and ‘play house’ like a human couple on occasion, but most of the time they act more like playmates than romantic partners. Given that they’re both Cloudcuckoolander AIs, it may not be possible to define their relationship in terms that would make sense to a human, or to any sane person.
  • Astonishingly Appropriate Appearance: Her green hair and pink eyes are reminiscent of a watermelon. In her first appearance, her ears were pink domes. Her sister Lemon looks just like her, but yellow. However, it's not know what comes first — the name, the body choice, or the body "paint job".
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Is as nutty as Pintsize, if not more so. Lemon's behavior may lend proof this is common among her make and model:
    Melon: I forgot where we live!
    Lemon: Wait, where do I live?!
  • Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: In an inversion, she's becoming one to Roko, in one instance getting Roko to talk through her dissociative episode under the guise of herself being uncomfortable with the situation but not knowing why and asking Roko to explain it to her. And despite her reputation for wandering, most of her screentime following the accident has been in Roko's apartment (whether Roko is there or not).
  • The Ditz: Whatever else is going on with Melon, she's clearly not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  • Dreadful Musician: She apparently only knows "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"... which she sings to the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody". Her singing is so bad that when Roko hears that she's singing said song after Roko's original body got crushed, she immediately decided to hurry up and get a new body so no one else would have to listen to it.
  • Drop-In Character: She comes and goes freely from Roko's apartment (when she can remember the door code) and seems to have popped in on Elliot enough times that he isn't freaked out to find her in his apartment uninvited.
  • Hidden Depths: Is apparently good at poker. Assuming she just didn't have only low value chips (As hers are different colors then everyone else's) she is clearly winning.
  • Idiot Hair: In her first appearance, wherein her butt has fallen off, after which it disappears for a while. As of comic 3760, it's back.
  • Insane Troll Logic: She has logic, it just doesn't usually make any coherent sense. Roko's figured out how to get through to her, but it requires some indirect thinking.
    Roko: Melon and logic are like oil and vinegar. You can get them to mix, but it takes vigorous shaking.
  • Massively Numbered Siblings: Has 2048 sisters; how common this is for AIs is unclear.
  • Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: She doesn’t seem to realize that sneaking into a stranger’s house and surprising him at breakfast or using a dead squirrel as a fake mustache are creepy things to do, and her pretend ‘job’ and home life with Arthur are kind of horrifying.
  • Odd Friendship:
    • She's on good enough terms with the strait-laced Officer Roko Basilisk to know her apartment door code. After Roko is smashed flat, Melon sits in her server room, singing to her "for comfort" — not that she knows any songs other than "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". Which she apparently sings to the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody". Very badly.
    • She apparently also knows Elliot and even Pintsize as well, given she sometimes wanders into the former's apartment and plays poker with the latter's friends.
    • She instantly makes friends with Spookybot/Yay Newfriend, and in fact it was Melon's happy exclamation on meeting them for the first time that inspired the name "Yay Newfriend".

Melon's partner. Usually remains in their apartment, unless Melon needs (seemingly) urgent repairs.
  • Lethal Chef: Zigzagged. His cooking would definitely kill any human who ate it, but Melon seems to enjoy it.
  • Straight Man: Usually fills this role for Melon whenever a comic focuses on their home life.

Melon's "sister" (she uses a very similar body, and presumably their AIs were designed to be similar) who works as an AI therapist, and who's employed to help and advise Roko when she's rebooted in virtual reality after an accident. Terrifyingly, it emerges that most of her clients are the AIs which run nuclear power stations and other advanced scientific installations, who tend to get lonely and depressed. (This would be worrying enough if their therapist wasn't a Cloudcuckoolander.) Still, Lemon does a competent job of explaining things to Roko.
  • Astonishingly Appropriate Appearance: She's various shades of yellow and is called "Lemon". However, it's not known what comes first — the name, the body choice, or the body "paint job".
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Downplayed. She's a competent therapist despite being somewhat odd. She also mentions being "out of practice" with typical AIs, indicating that she's even better at helping her usual patients.
    • She manages to be surprisingly effective at helping Roko through a dissociative episode with a combination of guided meditation techniques... and getting her to smell a vial of "weird goo she found in a dumpster".
      Lemon: "Strong smells can be useful as a grounding technique-"
  • Cloudcuckoolander: She's not as deranged as her sister, but she's certainly a little flaky and is apparently capable of forgetting where she lives.
  • The Ditz: See Cloudcuckoolander above.
  • Massively Numbered Siblings: Has 2048 sisters; how common this is for AIs is unclear.

A massive yellow robot. Nice enough, but very big and rather clumsy. Crushbot was responsible for accidentally destroying Roko's original body.
  • Astonishingly Appropriate Appearance: "Crushbot" is a fitting moniker for a gigantic armored mech.
  • Butt-Monkey: Faye and Bubbles give Crushbot grief for crushing their friend even though it was an accident. And later when Crushbot tries a career change, Claire shuts Crushbot down hard.
  • Gentle Giant: Well, emotionally, at least.
  • Reality Ensues: It turns out that a robot whose name and occupation both are "Crushbot" actually has a pretty robust liability insurance policy.
  • Third-Person Person: Crushbot doesn't use personal pronouns, much like a couple of similar AI's we've seen.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Crushbot's accidental crushing of Roko's original body triggers a full-on existential crisis in her that she's still trying to come to terms with.

Mandy's girlfriend, who accompanies her when visiting Faye. She's writing a thesis on the post-Singularity.
  • Innocently Insensitive: She seems like a nice person who means well, but she gives Bubbles a wildly offensive academic lecture about human-AI relations and then brushes off Bubbles' obvious resentment of what she's saying.
  • Shipper on Deck: She and Mandy clue in that Faye and Bubbles might be attracted to each other, and attempts to coax Faye into realizing it.

A researcher at Invisible Emu optics, initially introduced when an experiment (an emu with a cloaking device, fittingly) has a run-in with Winslow. She later makes appearances as one of Union Robotics' repeat customers, for a fixed leg after the emu damages it as well as a purely cosmetic butt implant, and as one of Renee and Brun's neighbors when they move to a new apartment.

Minor characters:

    Yelling Bird 

A yelling bird (theorised to be a tit or a dickcissel) who appears in occasional filler comics, usually to scream about why it was posted (usually along the lines of "Jeph is too drunk/lazy/disorganized to post a comic today,") or just give its opinion on something. Has its own Twitter account. Yelling Bird originated in Indie Tits, a side-project webcomic Jeph wrote from 2005-2007.


Faye's co-worker at the Coffee Of Doom in early strips.


Another filler-strip character, pulled out of Jeph's sketchpad at short notice. For a long time she didn't have a real name, although it's now been revealed as Harriet. She addresses the audience directly with a mixture of sarcasm and performance anxiety. Despite only two appearances, she was an instant fan favourite and got her own story over the Christmas 2009 break.

    Randy the Bandicoot 

Yet another minor filler-strip character that became a fan favorite. Randy is eternal.

    The Thanksgiving Turkeys 
Turkeys who only appear during the Thanksgiving weekend, and parody fan talk about the comic. Apparently they get different turkeys each year.

    The Three Bros 

A set of presumably UMass-students who are big fans of people being bros.

  • Drop-In Character: Their only purpose is to appear and start chanting “BROS! BROS! BROS!” whenever anyone does anything awesome.
  • Fratbro: Stereotypical fratbros, from their clothing, boisterousness, and (apparent personality).
  • No Indoor Voice: Subverted. It definitely seems like this at first, but when they appear in a library they quickly correct themselves.
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: They were this for a very long time, until strip 3263 revealed that their names are Brad, Chad, and Thad.
  • Speak of the Devil: Non-villainous example. If somebody calls somebody else "Bro", they'll suddenly appear.
  • Those Two Guys: Three of them, but who's counting? Never appeared apart.

    Scrambles the Tequila Monster 

An alcohol induced hallucination that seems to haunt the main cast. Mainly Marten (though he isn't an alcoholic).

  • Ambiguous Situation: It's unclear whether or not he's truly just a hallucination, considering he's been seen by multiple people.
  • Anthropomorphic Vice: The embodiment of Tequila and other alcoholic beverages.
  • The Corrupter: Seen here.
    Tequila Monster: Okay she's gone you should definitely drink more now
    Marten: You're a terrible influence, alcohol-induced hallucination.
  • Playful Otter: Described by Martin as an otter, and the incarnation of drunken shenanigans.

    Fairy Girl 

A young woman dressed as a fairy who wanders about Northampton. Keeps a reindeer as a pet. May actually be a fairy.

  • No, Except Yes: Denies being a fairy precisely long enough for Emily to accuse Fairy Girl of tricking her, only to cop to it immediately because tricking people is what fairies do.
  • Our Fairies Are Different: It's ambiguous whether she's a human dressed as a fairy, or if she's actually a fairy masquerading as a weird human.
  • The Unintelligible: Speaks only in variations of "la li lu le lo", save for one occasion when Emily caught her and tried to wish for world peace.


A Pathologist's assistant, whom Steve briefly dated, lived with her Ex, Dave, basically existed to give Steve a minor story reason to not turn up.

  • Babies Ever After: She and her husband Dave are trying for children.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Dumps Steve the day after Dave proposes to her, clearly not giving a crap about how Steve felt about her.
  • Black Comedy: Working in a morgue has given her a strange sense of humour, which works on Steve pretty well.
  • Creepy Mortician: Subverted, she clearly enjoys her job, but is quite chipper and not all that creepy, but she clearly developed some Black Comedy humour while working there.
  • But Not Too Foreign: Lampshaded by Meena at one point, talking about a date where a man called her "Exotic", She points out she is a 10 generation Indian-American.
  • Dead Guy Puppet: Apparently where the Hospital she works in had to settle a lawsuit, due to an AI using a severed head as a handpuppet to try and cheer up kids with cancer!
  • First Guy Wins: In a particularly crappy twist on the trope, She lives with an ex she hasn't been with for 4 years, Dave, and ends up instantly dumping Steve the day after Dave proposed to her out of the blue and she accepted.
  • Happily Married: Dave and her are apparently this, despite the fans outcry for a firey death.
  • Hopeless Suitor: How she claims she felt about Dave, being that he was this "perfect" guy, leading her to be apparently constantly feeling like she wasn't good enough.
  • I Can't Believe a Guy Like You Would Notice Me: Again, how she felt about Dave, apparently this feeling was strong enough that when he proposed, she instantly accepted.
  • Romantic False Lead: Meena & Dave hit Steve hard with this, out of nowhere (in Steves perspective at least), Dave proposes to Meena, while she is still in a relationship with Steve, and accepts, breaking up with Steve shortly afterwards.


Meenas ex-boyfriend, who she was still living with 4 years after they split up, eventually proposes to Meen while she was still dating Steve.

  • Ambiguous Disorder: He seems too much of a prefectionist to not has some sort of disorder, and is apparently super passive about everything, perhaps being mildly autistic.
  • Entitled to Have You: while not overt, he does do the more passive agressive approach by saying to Steve that he is still in love with Meena, but wishing them the best, but then becomes overt by Proposing to Meena while she is still dating Steve, to which she accepts and breaks up with Steve the day after.
  • Expy: Possibly of Marten, being a passive Nice Guy living with a girl he obviously pines for, but unlike Martens ham-fisted attempt at wooing Faye in a spur of the moment and drunken stupor, Daves spur of the moment attempt works!
  • Jerkass: A possible reason for his "I still love Meena" comment towards Steve, and his proposing to Meena while she was still in a relationship.
  • Perfectionist: Apparently is this, rarely making mistakes, and rectifying any he does make, and does charity work for 15 hours a week (apparently not more because "he has to sleep sometime"), it also leads to the theory that he never really did "let go" of Meena, as his perfectionist nature might have caused him to consider the breakup a long running "mistake".


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