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Characters / Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise

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    Introduced in Season One (2009) 

<<Spectator Name Here>>

The first OC of Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise ever. The story about him/it would revolve around him/it and vanilla Chell and GLaDOS with a certain post-story set in the year 3000, long after the whole place has deteriorated. Though, the story of <<Spectator Name Here>> was dropped almost as soon as the Business Magnet was introduced. After that, the computer box would constantly get mentions but never a full-fledged appearance.

Aperture Science Business Magnet / Portal: The 4th Millennium Wiki Narrator (3000s)

Alternian troll equivalent: Troll Andrew Hussie

The evil lord of Aperture Science "3007" and an alias of a 13-year old guy going to Thinking with Portals forums. Apparently a time-traveller, he has turned the entire Aperture Science facility around himself and started conquering the world. But, as he time-travelled, everything he hated also transported themselves into the 4th millennium, including Black Mesa, his classmates which would constantly mock him, et cetera. He sets the whole story, called Portal: The 4th Millennium, and it snowballs from here.


Caroline "Gladys" Whoever-Johnson / Aperture Science Central Artificial Intelligence Supercomputer (ASCAIS) / Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System (GLaDOS) / GL@DDA "Time Traveller" Magnet-Narrator / GLaDOS for Workgroups

Okay that was way too long.

Alternian troll equivalent: Vriska Serket (not to be confused with the ACTUAL Vriska Serket, appearing later in the story)

Cave Johnson's wife, secretary and heir apparent, turned into an evil sarcastic computer in Portal and Portal 2, turned into the Business Magnet's wife, secretary and heir apparent and a shenanigan-prone time traveller. (What a great analogy.) Despite her clearly villainous portrayal in the games, Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise depicts her much more lightly, with her being once, no, twice human and such. Later she appears as the A.I. that will never die, and then the author doesn't care about her, simply depicting her as the "runier of sosiety".


  • Retcon: Thinking with Portals in 2009 agreed on "Gladys Johnson" as the name of the human which was the direct predecessor of GLaDOS. Portal 2 took that and turned it upside down.
    • Hence, the mistake remains in the Fan Fiction Application, which would mean that it is still not retconned.

Thinking with Portals members

Alternian troll equivalent: (for WinstonSmith) Gamzee Makara

The biggest, oldest and very slightly active Portal forum. Referring to themselves as "speculators", the most active Thinking with Portals members (which could be counted on one hand) in 2009 would get along fairly well and "speculate" on the Portal and Half-Life universes, and would set up a definite base for whatever comes after that. The most notable, besides "ASBusinessMagnet", were called "pestchamber" and "hanging_rope". When everything was said and done and Portal 2 was needed, ASBusinessMagnet the Forum Goer proposed what would infamously become known as Portal 2: The Fake Community-Made and since the whole crew was clearly drunk they accepted. Yet Valve was working on something of their own...

    Introduced in Season Two (2010) 

Steven "Mark" Brown "b27342" / Genetic Lifeform And Backup System (GLABS)

Alternian troll equivalent: Karkat Vantas

An Internet troll and Canadian, sbrown acts as the villain of My Aperture Labs and that guy who rudely greeted ASBusinessMagnet and later kicked him out, and becomes a Troll further on. His map, Party Escort Submission Position, was once a setting, but he never got the favor of being written into a 2011 story.

Chell "Wensta" Johnson-Rattmann / interdimensionalPortaller

Alternian troll equivalent: Aradia Megido

Alternate names: The New Fan Fiction Writer of the 22nd Century

The test subject and main character of Portal, Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time and Portal 2:Access All Areas and the self-appointed "new author" of Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise.

William Merchant / Intelligence Dampening Sphere / Wheatley "Moronic"

Alternian troll equivalent: Tavros Nitram

One of many former Aperture employees, forced into the role of an Intelligence Dampening Sphere. He is also claimed by the author to be Valve's way of writing a Captain Ersatz of the author himself, being deliberately mocked and even apologizing (the worst thing ever), leading to his highly unfavorable status.

Cave Johnson / "Cave-I"

Alternian troll equivalent: Sollux Captor

The great founder of Aperture Science and the man who is going to burn your house down with combustible lemons.


The great founder of Aperture Science and a man with a passion for little-more-dangerous-than-usual science. He got his own afterlife after he finally died, and from there on is the equivalent of the announcement system from Portal 2.

Doug Rattmann / "The Rat Man"

Alternian troll equivalent: Eridan Ampora

One of the other many former Aperture employees, who over time became insane with reasons relating to his Companion Cube and him inventing an immortality cure, and started showing feelings for Chell, which thankfully enough were returned and ended in them marrying in a place unrelated both to him and to Chell.

Carla "Announcer" Grant / 0ver5e3r / Contine Overseer

Alternian troll equivalent: Kanaya Maryam

The Blue Portals Development Center counterpart of GLaDOS. Simple as that. Formerly she worked as a train station announcer, but her life was forced into the track identical to GLaDOS's, even including her turning human back again. From then she takes part in some stopping of the project bullshit or whatever and later re-ascended to the levels of Aperture Science, eventually becoming an empress of half the universe and being responsible for the creation of ATLAS and P-body.

Judith Mossman

A rogue former Aperture employee that also applied for Black Mesa but was rejected in favor of Gordon Freeman. Has a caliginous relationship towards Alyx Vance, and a completely ad-hoc teleporter.

Aperture Science Business Magnet / "Alternate Timeline Warweary Serket"note  (2010s)

The evil lord's official backstory. He was a Lithuanian guy and a blatant Self-Insert until the apocalypse when he used his insane programming skills to code another version of the reality-manipulating game "Sburb 1.0",

Vriska Serket / Marquise Spinneret Mindfang-Magnet II

One of the actual Alternian "Hivebent" trolls, after a mind-fuckery that revolves around the events preceding Homestuck Bloodbath 2011, has somehow appeared right onto the Business Magnet's doorstep. (Even worse, at the time he was retconned to having switched bodies with irenicPie.) They eventually fell in hate (by that I mean hate united them) and got to redesign the humanity in their image, starting with the city nearby being renamed "City of Serketpolė" and then expanding further.


    Introduced in Season Three (2011) 

Lucy Squires / irenicPie

Alternian troll equivalent: Nepeta Leijon

The Business Magnet's second hand assistant. She was initially the subject of countless kills and revivals by Empress Contine, leading to the Business Magnet writing a fic purely against him (and being killed and revived, with an AU where he was not revived). Then the two went along fine and dandy, with occasional tease at romantic relationships which are not true ever, and was briefly appointed "the secondary manager" of the author's works, which were devastated in the mere month of the author participating in NaNoWriMo.

Insane Guy of DOOM / MarissaTheWriter / Marrissa Roberts / iamnotAmarysue

Alternian troll equivalent: Equius Zahhak

Simultaneously the main character and author of ITS MY LIFE!. Seemingly both ASBusinessMagnet and Marrissa wrote each other's self-insert into their own stories, forming "Principal Business Man" and this character. She was able to switch out of the "Marissa Mode" one time, and is able of speaking coherently.

Lillias Susan / Skepkitty / deadpanSnarker

Alternian troll equivalent: Terezi Pyrope

The first Troper to lurk around. He owns a blog, The Half-World, and filled in the role similar to Smasher 006, introducing the author to Invader Zim. Other than that, someone the author found through the worst fanfic ever ITS MY LIFE!. His future self has gone grimdark, and is updating at impossible speeds.


  • Listed on his own page.

    Introduced in Era Two (2012) 

Freelance Plot Protectors Alix and Katz

A pair running an Official Fanfiction University in Aperture Science. The Business Magnet applied for their school, but was written as horribly OOC (and the idea left the rest of the franchise to go haywire anyway). Hence, the "Aperture Science Chronological Accuracy Department" hunted Katz down and brought her, along with three other people foolish enough to write fanfictions for the franchise, and brought her to the Business Magnet's own school, where she horribly killed the Warweary Serket anyway. Alix's whereabouts are unknown, but most likely she stayed in her own University.

    Cameos / minor characters / those who don't fit into the story smoothly 

Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube

Alternian troll equivalent: Feferi Peixes

A non-character, Companion Cube briefly appears in Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time as Doug Rattmann's love interest before he met Chell. (And by that I mean literally, and not what you all n00bs saw in Portal 2: Lab Rat.)

Abby / "Test Subject #413"

One of the many test subjects of Aperture Science. She completed the hardcore test course featured in Portal: Prelude and was one of many to witness GLaDOS's activation, and after that her whereabouts are unknown, lest for the fact that she somehow ended up in BPDC.

Hatsune Miku / "Losda Grenston"

The other quite different theory on the host of GLaDOS, claiming that she was in fact mind-controlled by a teenager girl working for Cave (and later, Caroline) Johnsons and put into cryogenic storage soon after Aperture Science Innovators were founded. She also (never) appears in Portal: Prelude, to the point of being on the front cover. (Her appearance in Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time is directly after the equivalent of Portal: Prelude.)

iNSaNiTYtHeFIrSt and Numbuh 400

Invader GLaDOS is the irken form of GLaDOS. She took over the world and killed the Aperture Science Business Magnet after Blue Portals. She is the finale boss of Blue Portals 2.

The two people who "cooperatively" brought a picture of GLaDOS as an Irken to the franchise's wiki along with some disheartening notes. Seemingly act as foreshadowing that ASBusinessMagnet will eventually find The Half-World and become a fan of Invader Zim.


EA: Is your first name Chell?
IP: Yes.
IP: And?
EA: Oh my god.
IP: Wait did you say that?
EA: You are me.

An alter-verse equivalent of Chell, or actually the original one, your pick. After the events of Portal 2 she was let out of Aperture Laboratories and got into a Sburb session, where she contacted interdimensionalPortaller and they seemed to be getting along. Way later she ended up scratching her own universe, and by extension the Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise, making, as the author puts it, "the single worst Crapsack World ever."

Because of this identity, "empatheticAmazon once told me" is synonymous with "in Portal 2", and is used that way.


Aperture Science and Black Mesa

Emerged in the 1940s, Aperture and Black Mesa are the first "science fiction" companies on Earth. Working on crazier technologies than everyone else, over half a century the companies grew into the the worst rivals ever, one with interdimensional teleport technology and another with a sentient artificial intelligence, only to become obsolete after the Combine came over. And then they turned out to be not quite defunct after all, and after the millennium they came back as political and military forces aiming to destroy each other and put an end to the drama. Of course, neither ever wins.


  • Red Oni, Blue Oni
    • We never saw Black Mesa's codifying color to be red. This is purely something the author, being also the author of this sentence, made up.
      • For that, we never saw Black Mesa at all. Unless you count Judith Mossman, and she was never even a Black Mesa employee.

The Combine Forces / "Combine Overiance"

The evil ever-expanding empire of the Half-Life series, again given a Draco in Leather Pants treatment. In this case they came to know Earth a little earlier and actually were willing to share technology with Aperture Science and Black Mesa, only having it turn against themselves when Gordon Freeman and Alyx Vance decided that the best deal is to exterminate the whole life on Earth with a massive explosion at the North Pole. Even worse, apparently their leader is our favorite crazy old man in blue with a briefcase (who is actually not quite a human, but instead a master of metamorphosis). Also, they aren't as strong as they think, and apparently their doom in an alternate timeline is a single guy which was brought just beyond a certain point having already passed the insanity limit over 9000 times.

Blue Portals Development Center

The third company inserting themselves between Aperture Science and Black Mesa, Blue Portals Development Center is simply Aperture Science which got a graphical enhancement and recoloring and several fresh new ideas for test chambers. Their leader, Denis Grant, is a man just as crazy as Cave Johnson who aimed for Blue Portals Development Center to replicate Aperture Science in every way possible, just... better. He apparently even knew stranding himself into a computer won't work, hence making 0ver5e3r instead. The company also is obsessed with apocalypse and surviving it, and prepares for it and the succeeding society rebuilding in every way possible.

Aperture Science's rebellion / Inter-Dimensional

The fifth "faction" in the franchise. As the name hints, this faction is formed from previous Aperture Science employees and test subjects, uniting to fight against Aperture and its insane science. Originally the main two members were Chell Johnson and Doug Rattmann, and it is presumed their daughter Gladys Rattmann joins the fun too.



Example of: