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The characters in Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.

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The Main Trio

     Ned Bigby
"But they all need my help, and I don't want to let them down!"
Portrayed by: Devon Werkheiser

"Mr. Wiener's the one who told me to start a school journal after I got stuck in the girl's bathroom. Eventually, it became the Guide."

The Hero and a fairly nice average guy who gives people tips to survive school and often comes up with zany schemes to tackle his problems.

  • Adorably Precocious Child: Small, charming, and extremely intelligent, treating his school survival guide with all of the seriousness of a doctoral dissertation.
  • All-Loving Hero: Even though he has his occasional jerk moments, Ned Bigby does not hate anybody, and he always gives advice to those in trouble, whether he or she is a student or a teacher. He hates letting people down so much that his bad habit in "Guide to: Bad Habits" was saying yes to everyone. This trope is Averted at times like when he was the Revenger in one episode, but at end of that same episode, he realizes that revenge is wrong.
  • Aside Glance: Whenever he had to lean on (whatever was left of) the fourth wall without telling some piece of advice to the audience.
  • Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Has trouble concentrating, which does get him in trouble quite a lot. This is also why he had trouble focusing on his project in "Guide to: Procrastination" until three days before it was due.
  • Badass Longcoat: As the Revenger.
  • Book Dumb: Unlike his two best friends who are both very book smart, Ned usually gets average to low grades. However, being Brilliant, but Lazy, he can get good grades when he's willing to put in the work.
  • Borrowed Catchphrase: In "Guide to: Elections", Ned says "D'oh!" after Suzie Crabgrass offers him a free candy bar which says "Ned is a TOTAL LOSER / VOTE SUZIE!" on the wrapper and he, due to being gullible, accepts.note 
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: He does this all the time to deliver tips to the audience.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: Lampshaded by Mr. Sweeney in "Guide to: Science Fairs".
    Mr. Sweeney: Ned is smart but lazy, thus causing him to do poorly in science.
  • Butt-Monkey: At times.
  • Chick Magnet: Popular and pretty girls like Moze, Suzie and Missy were all interested in him at different times. And there's the "Huge Crew", a group of Abhorrent Admirers who stalk Ned.
  • Childhood Friend Romance: With Moze.
  • Cool Loser: He's very friendly and open towards everyone and gives great tips, but his ranking on the popular list was 42, not high enough to be one of the popular kids.
  • Cool Shades: As the Revenger.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He's dry as a wall, especially towards Cookie.
  • Dogged Nice Guy: Concerning Suzie in the first two seasons.
  • The Everyman: He's a fairly average middle school student. He's not exceptional at anything (unlike Cookie, who excels at academics, and Moze, who excels at everything), and gets average to low grades.
  • Genius Ditz: He may be Book Dumb, but he gives excellent tips.
  • Has a Type: And when he described his type, as Cookie lampshades, he basically describes Moze.
  • The Hero: His name is in the title.
  • Ideal Hero: Despite being a middle-schooler, his moral compass is very strong. He's selfless to the point of being a pushover, scrupulously honest, and is extremely loyal to his friends. He's the more "realistic" version, however: as often as not, being as good as he is causes him a lot of grief.
  • The Kirk: To Moze's The Spock and Cookie's The McCoy.
  • Lemony Narrator: He engages on this almost Once an Episode, especially in early seasons.
  • Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy: The Feminine Boy to Moze's Masculine Girl. In the first season 3 episode, his new grade resolution is to be tougher (followed by flashbacks of him being scared of others), while Moze's resolution is to be less aggressive (followed by flashbacks of her beating up others).
  • Mirror Character: With Crubbs. "Career Week" sees Ned being told he'd do well pursuing a career in education. He's resistant to it, but he learns that Crubbs ultimately does what he tries to do in every episode: give advice and help students become better people however possible.
  • Mistaken for Badass: In the first episode of the third season, he accidentally gains a reputation for being the toughest kid in school by, among other things, smacking Loomer when flinging his hands excitedly and accidentally punching kids in the face when trying to swat a fly away.
  • Nice Guy: He's always willing to help by giving his famous Survival Guide tips. He's so willing to help out, in fact, that his bad habit in "Guide to: Bad Habits" was saying yes to everyone.
  • No Guy Wants to Be Chased: The "Huge Crew" and Missy all vie for his affections. He doesn't reciprocate the Huge Crew girls' affections and is legitimately fearful of Missy as she's a Yandere.
  • Odd Name Out: He is the only one of the main three who doesn't go by a nickname. Lampshaded in "Guide to: Nicknames".
  • Official Couple: With Moze.
  • Only Sane Man: Along with Moze.
  • The Protagonist: He's the one delivering all the tips and the one who can always break the fourth wall, unlike Moze and Cookie. (Moze can only break it on occasion, and Cookie acknowledged it a few times through use of the Aside Glance, but never broke it.)
  • Ridiculously Average Guy: Other than his guide, he has very few distinguishing characteristics. Which is, of course, the point.
  • Straight Man: A Jack Benny-type example, playing this to everyone else with the exception of Moze.
  • Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: Initially, he was the Tiny Guy to Moze's Huge Girl. He got taller though, and in the last season, they were the same height.
  • Tiny Schoolboy: Especially in the first season. In one of the very first episodes, Ned tells Moze to write to his name in the "Hottie List" of cute guys in the girls' bathroom because he wants to know what the other girls think about him. Moze gives Ned a list of what the girls replied on the Hottie List, and most of them said he was too short.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Mostly with Moze, sometimes with Cookie.
  • Weak, but Skilled: One episode had him in a weightlifting competition against Loomer. While it took him ample effort, after applying the proper technique Coach Dirga taught him, he successfully performed the lift (as opposed to Loomer using no technique, and failing miserably).

     Jennifer Ann "Moze" Mosely
"I'm not competitive, I just never like to lose."
Portrayed by: Lindsey Shaw

"Whenever I give you advice - and it's great advice, created by the superior girl mind - you ignore it and go to Gordy for a man-plan!"

The sensible and snarky, as well as the aggressive, competitive and athletic, one of the main trio, who has the most common sense of the group and has never really been "one of the girls."

  • Academic Athlete: She's captain of the volleyball team, holds many school athletic records (including the one for holding the most records), and is also a straight-A student.
  • The Ace: She holds more athletic records than anyone else in Polk history, and is the star pupil of her woodshop class. She's also a straight-A student who's way ahead of her grade level in math and reading.
  • Action Girl: She's one of the most athletic kids in school, making most of the boys look pretty pathetic in comparison.
  • Badass Adorable: She's a lot stronger than she looks.
  • Badbutt: She trash-talks, but, to keep her trash-talking within the bounds of a kid's show, half of what she says during her trash-talks in "Guide to: Bad Habits" are covered by the referee's whistle.
  • Batman Gambit: Pulls one after finding out Ned and Cookie switched into her elective after she explained that she wanted to take an elective without them. She goes to the woodshop class, knowing that they're following her, then when they're trying to switch into that class, she goes to life science and switches to that class.
  • The Big Girl: Moze is easily the strongest of the trio and, before Cookie hit his growth spurt, was the tallest as well. She's beaten Ned and Cookie up many times, shoved Ned against a locker during her "anger" phase of the Five Stages of Grief when she lost her backpack, beat Loomer up after he gave Ned a huge wedgie in the third grade and, more recently, flipped him in "Guide to: Gym", was able to send Loomer and his posse running just by threatening to beat them up, and was able to beat all the boys on Polk's wrestling team in wrestling practice without breaking a sweat.
  • Book Smart: She excels academically and even becomes a tutor at some point.
  • Brainy Brunette: Has brown hair, gets very good grades, and has the most common sense of the group.
  • Bully Hunter: On occasion.
  • Childhood Friend Romance: With Ned.
  • Closer to Earth: To most of the school, and especially to Ned and Cookie (though Ned's Only Sane Man role sometimes takes this role), although that isn't always saying much: she can be quite kooky and obsessive herself.
  • Competition Freak: She's very aggressive and competitive, especially against Suzie Crabgrass, even after they become friends.
  • Cool Loser: It's played with. Moze is not part of the popular crowd, and in early episodes, she struggles to make female friends, and mainly hangs out with Ned, Cookie or other not-so-cool kids, even if she has the looks, the attitude, athletic skills and even great grades. However, she's much more popular than she realizes; in the episode "Popularity" she finds out that she is in the Top 10 of a popularity list on the school's website, but she eventually finds the other "cool" students annoying and prefers hanging out with her old friends.
  • Cute Bruiser: She may be cute looking but has absolutely no problem with beating the stuffing out of anyone who pisses her off.
    Moze: (to Loomer and his gang) If there were ever a time to beat someone up for no reason, it would be now.
    Loomer, Crony, and Buzz: (run away)
  • Deadpan Snarker: Every other sentence she utters is sarcastic.
  • Deuteragonist: Most of the episodes that don't focus on Ned will focus on her, and she has far more solo B-Plots than Cookie does.
  • Double Standard: Abuse, Female on Male: She punches and beats up Ned and Cookie regularly. She sort of gets called out on her bullying ways in "Guide to: Bullies", but she doesn't actually change anything or do anything about them after the episode.
  • Dude Magnet: She has attracted the attention of many guys, such as Seth, Loomer, Faymen, Jock Goldman, and, of course, Ned. In one episode, she was tutoring a class of younger male students and of all of them were so smitten with her that they couldn't pay attention to her lesson.
  • Fascinating Eyebrow: Does this on occasion.
  • First Girl Wins: Female protagonist and The Hero's best friend since childhood. They become an Official Couple in the last season.
  • Friendly Rivalry: With Suzie, after befriending her.
    Moze: I don't think we're supposed to turn everything into a deathmatch.
    Suzie: Yeah, I know. We've been kicked out of every club.
    Moze: (Beat) I'm having fun!
    Suzie: Me, too!
  • Genius Bruiser: Part of her The Ace status. She's the strongest and most athletic of the trio, and also a very smart girl.
  • Girl Next Door: She's been next-door neighbors with Ned for her whole life.
  • Go-Getter Girl: She has all the drive and ambition that you'd expect from someone with her raw talent.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: Just ask Ned and Cookie.
  • Height Angst: She has a whole subplot dedicated to her being much taller than the other girls at school. This lessens later on in the series when the other characters hit their growth spurts.
  • Hero Antagonist: A few episodes such as "First Day", "School Car Wash", and "School Plays" have her at odds with Ned and Cookie. However, her motivations are almost always less selfish than theirs, such as wanting to use school money on something more practical (uniforms) rather than a hot tub, trying to stop them from sabotaging a play, or simply wanting to spend less time with them so that she can befriend new people.
  • Heroic BSoD: Happens when she thought she hurt Coconut Head during a game of dodge ball. She didn't
  • Huge Schoolgirl: Lampshaded in "Guide to: Your Body", which dealt with her self-consciousness about her height. According to Lindsey Shaw's IMDb page in December 2007 she was 5'7" (170cm), two years after the episode was made.
  • I Just Want to Have Friends: Her goal in the first two seasons is to get a best female friend.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Moze is short-tempered, aggressive, and sarcastic, and she frequently insults Ned and Cookie, but she does care about them and is usually willing to help in whatever way she can.
  • The Lancer: She's smart, competitive, and hard-working, unlike the lazy and laid-back Ned.
  • Lovable Jock: Downplayed since, despite being the ace of several school teams, she's still considered a Cool Loser by the rest of the school. No less lovable, though.
  • Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy:
    • Masculine Girl to Ned's Feminine Boy. In the first season 3 episode, her new grade resolution is to be less aggressive (followed by flashbacks of her beating up others), while Ned's new grade resolution is to be tougher (followed by flashbacks of him being scared of others).
    • Sometimes she's also a foil to Cookie's Feminine Boy. In one early season 1 episode she tries out for several different sports, while Cookie tries out for cheerleading.
  • Mirror Character: She and Suzie Crabgrass are enemies in the first season, but they eventually realise the reason they've been butting heads is that they're so similar in their athletic abilities and competitiveness.
  • Not So Above It All: She is typically the sanest one, but she has her moments of lapses in sanity and reason, especially when her grades are on the line.
  • Official Couple: With Ned.
  • Offscreen Teleportation: Does this from time to time.
  • One of the Boys: She hangs out mostly with Ned and Cookie, doesn't have any actual female friends (until she eventually befriends Suzie), hates skirts (and had to be dared to wear a flowery dress), likes sports, couldn't care less about many girly things, such as boy bands and gossip, trash-talks during volleyball games (according to Coach Dirga, Moze gives some of the best [and worst] trash-talks she's ever heard), can and does beat people up, and is aggressively athletic and very competitive.
    Principal Pal: Hello, son. (shakes Moze's hand)
    Moze: I'm a girl.
    Pal: Not with that handshake, you're not.
  • One Steve Limit: In-Universe. Ned gave her the nickname of Moze in Kindergarten because there were three other girls named Jennifer in the class.
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: Subverted. While fans of the show always refer to her as Moze, all the characters in-universe, except Ned, Cookie and Gordy, usually call her Jennifer.
  • Only Sane Woman: Shares this role with Ned, most of the time.
  • Passionate Sports Girl: Naturally. She is the athlete of the group, after all.
  • Sarcastic Devotee: She always has Ned's back, but she doesn't hesitate to snarkily point out flaws in his plans.
  • Short Tank: Her standard outfit, suiting her athletic nature.
  • Single Girl Seeks Most Popular Guy: Seth Powers, the Dumb Jock, in season 1.
  • Snark Knight: Though she's a lot more good-natured about it than most examples.
  • Sour Supporter: Sometimes.
  • Spanner in the Works: She does tend to ruin things for Ned, MANY times, sometimes accidentally.
  • The Spock: To Cookie's The McCoy and Ned's The Kirk.
  • Straight Man: Shares this role with Ned.
  • Strong Girl, Smart Guy: Strong Girl to Cookie's Smart Guy. She's a Cute Bruiser and one of the strongest students, while Cookie is a total wimp. And while she is also very smart, Cookie is a Gadgeteer Genius and even more academically brilliant than her.
  • Tall, Dark, and Snarky: She's 5'7", has dark hair and tannish skin, and hoo boy, is she snarky.
  • Temporarily a Villain: Moze was an antagonist in "Procrastination."
  • Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: Initially the Huge Girl to Ned's Tiny Guy. Ned got taller, though, and in the last season they were the same height.
  • Tomboy: Very much so, she's tough-as-nails, athletic, aggressive, One of the Boys and doesn't like dressing girly. She also loves woodshop.
  • Tomboy and Girly Girl: Tomboy to Suzie's girly girl
  • Tomboyish Name: "Moze" is not a very girly nickname.
  • Tomboy with a Girly Streak: She still has some girly interests, such as boys, shopping, and going to the spa, and she has a crush on the Big Man on Campus. Also, she may be One of the Boys but actually wants to find female friends.
  • Tsundere: May qualify as a Type A.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: She flings insults and punches at Ned and Cookie, but it's obvious she sees them as her closest friends.
  • Women Are Wiser: She is the sensible one of the main trio, and is usually the voice of reason.
  • You Go, Girl!: It's taken for granted that she can outplay and outrun any boy in the school. Anyone foolish enough to look down on her anyway is setting themselves up for a nasty fall.

     Simon Nelson "Cookie" Cook
"Why aren't I more popular? Look at me, I'm gorgeous."
Portrayed by: Daniel Curtis Lee

"I'll handle this. First of all, I'm a technical whiz. Also, you guys are useless on Mondays."

The nerd of the group and a self-proclaimed cyborg who also gets caught up in wacky schemes, usually lacking even more in the common sense department than Ned.

  • Attractive Bent-Gender: When he was dressed as a girl named "Simone".
  • Beleaguered Assistant: To Ned, especially in the first season.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: When he lost his temper in "Guide to: Dodgeball" after Loomer's dodgeball damaged his video camera helmet, he threw the dodgeball so hard it knocked Crony out. This, unfortunately, also allows Loomer to be able to turn him to the "dark side."
    Cookie: I'm sorry! I guess I just... lost my temper.
    Loomer: And how did it feel?
    Cookie: It felt... really good.
  • Black and Nerdy: Super nerdy.
  • Book Smart: He excels academically but is otherwise completely clueless.
  • Butt-Monkey: Is subject to a lot of slapstick at his expense and his best friends frequently make fun of him (though it's generally good-natured teasing).
  • The Chew Toy: Though he usually brings it on himself with his ridiculous schemes.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: He's a bit eccentric and definitely the weirdest in the main trio.
  • Complexity Addiction: Cookie will always try to use the most complex solution to the problems he faces.
  • Corrupt the Cutie: A mild example in "Guide to: Dodgeball", when Loomer convinces him to give in to his anger and join the "dark side" of the dodgeball court. He gets better, though.
    Ned: Cookie, you're on Loomer's team?!
    Cookie: (in a robotic voice thanks to his helmet) The power of the dark side is strong.
    • Nearly happened again because of the influence of the Killer Bees in "Guide to: Best Friends".
  • Ditzy Genius: He is incredibly smart (his grades are so high that, in seventh grade, his teachers recommended he skip eighth grade), but he is severely lacking in common sense and social skills.
  • Expy: Seems to be a reference to the infamous Steve Urkel.
  • Extraverted Nerd: He thinks he's God's gift to the ladies.
    Cookie: I was handsome before, but now with my braces off, I'm gorgeous.
  • Gadgeteer Genius: He's always coming up with one crazy invention or another, from his glasses that have an operating system, to his Cram-master, to his Maxoskeleton that he made for the science fair.
    Vice Principal Crubbs: (while being held hostage by Cookie's Tunnel Bot) Cook! I should have known this evil robot belonged to you!
  • The Heart: He's far more sensitive than either Ned or Moze, and usually mediates their arguments with each other.
  • High Hopes, Zero Talent: Regarding his wanting to be a cheerleader.
  • Hot-Blooded: While he's the smart guy of the main trio, he's also passionate with a bit of a hot temper.
  • In Touch with His Feminine Side: He likes braiding hair, desperately wants to be a cheerleader, loves girly books, likes getting his nails done, got so attached to the baby doll he and Ned had to take care of in life science class that he took it home for the holidays so that it wouldn't feel lonely, and has worn skirts more often than Moze (though this is in part because Moze hates skirts).
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He tends to be self-centered and is almost constantly trying to find new ways to con others or avoid doing work, but he's a good guy at his core.
  • Large Ham: At times, but it is a kid's show and he is only marginally worse than the others.
  • Lovable Nerd: When he's not being insufferable, he's this.
  • Mad Scientist: Has his moments.
  • Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy: Feminine Boy to Moze's Masculine Girl. In one early season 1 episode Moze tries out for several different sports, while Cookie tries out for cheerleading.
  • The McCoy: To Moze's The Spock and Ned's The Kirk.
  • Nerd Glasses: Though he doesn't seem to need them to see, since he's been able to spend large parts of certain episodes without them with no adverse effects. He has them because they have an operating system inside, so he can use them as a computer.
  • The Nicknamer: For one episode, "Guide to: Nicknames." He creates a nicknaming program that creates nicknames based on characteristics entered into it. Unfortunately, the nicknames the program creates are pretty hurtful...
  • Obsessed with Perfect Attendance: He has a perfect attendance record he refuses to break, which has provided conflict for several episodes:
    • In "Guide To: Sick Days" he comes to school with a very bad flu and tries to steer clear of the nurse so he won't be sent home.
    • In "Guide To: The Bus," the school bus misses his stop, so he resorts to wild methods in order to get to school on time and not mess up his record of never being tardy.
    • In "Guide To: School Records," Mr. Sweeney mistakenly marks Cookie as absent because Cookie had his headphones on and didn't hear his name called, and had bent down when Sweeney looked for him in the class. Cookie spends the episode begging Mr. Sweeney to change the mark, but Sweeney stubbornly refuses to admit to his mistake. Cookie and his classmates try to fix the mistake by building a fake time machine for Sweeney to "use" and recreating that day in homeroom so Cookie can be marked as present.
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: The only people who call him Simon are Lisa Zemo and some of the teachers.
  • Purely Aesthetic Glasses: Played With. He doesn't actually need his glasses to see, but he has them for use as a computer, since he programmed an operating system in them.
  • Small Name, Big Ego: He believes he's a suave and sophosticated individual, when he's actually a pretty average (if admittedly brilliant) middle schooler.
  • The Smart Guy: Though lacking in the common sense department, he is definitely very intelligent, having the highest grades in school and inventing many interesting gadgets. In terms of book-smarts, he is the smartest of the trio.
  • Strong Girl, Smart Guy: Smart Guy to Moze's Strong Girl. Moze is a Cute Bruiser and one of the strongest students, while Cookie is a lazy wimp. And while Moze is also a straight-A student, Cookie is a Gadgeteer Genius and even more academically brilliant than her.
  • Smart People Wear Glasses: His just so happen to be functional as well.
  • Teen Genius: He could have skipped the eighth grade, and usually has the best grades in all of Polk Middle School.
  • Token Minority Couple: His love interests were black (Vanessa), Hispanic (Lisa) and Asian (Evelyn).
  • Tritagonist: He's the most out of focus of the three, and is usually paired up with Ned or Gordy.

Other Students

     Suzie Crabgrass
Portrayed by: Christian Serratos

One of the most popular girls in school and the object of Ned's affection for the first two seasons and girlfriend in the third, as well as Moze's best friend who's a girl and volleyball co-captain.

  • All Girls Want Bad Boys: She dated Loomer, the school bully. True to this trope, she tries to reform him but he unintentionally won her over by being his normal bully self.
  • Brought to You by the Letter "S": Often wears a necklace with an "S" charm.
  • Commuting on a Bus: In season 3.
  • Friendly Rivalry: To Moze, after befriending her. They are still very competitive, bringing out the best in each other.
  • Girls Love Stuffed Animals: She keeps a lot of stuffed animals in her locker.
  • Girly Girl with a Tomboy Streak: She's a popular girl who frequently wears skirts, loves kitties and stuffed animals, and is against violence. But, like Moze, she's also competitive and good at sports. This is in contrast to Moze's Tomboy with a Girly Streak.
  • Gossipy Hens: She's the premier source of gossip in the school. She grows out of it as time goes on.
  • Hime Cut: She sported this in Season 1.
  • I Can Change My Beloved: Towards Loomer. She sets about trying to reform him, making him more sensitive and forbidding him from bullying other kids.
  • Lovable Alpha Bitch: In the first season she was more of a shallow and conceited Alpha Bitch but starting in season 2, she appears to be a kinder, more likable person, even becoming one of Moze's best friends.
  • The Rival: Moze's rival at everything.
  • Romantic False Lead: To Ned, though mostly in the finale, the rest of the time she's treated like a legitimate love interest.
  • Tomboy and Girly Girl: Girly Girl to Moze's tomboy.
  • Took a Level in Jerkass: In the finale. After Ned risks receiving a long list of punishments by sneaking on to the field trip he has been banned from just to spend the day with her, she shows almost no appreciation for this, and instead shows increasing disdain as he desperately tries to make the best out of a bad situation. By the end, she starts dating Loomer again without even bothering to break up with him first. She also seems to have distanced herself from Moze over the situation with Ned. This may have been done in order to make it even more clear that Ned and Moze are a better match.
  • Took a Level in Kindness: After befriending Moze.
  • Tsundere: She's sweet by default, but she's very, very devious when set to it. Moze in particular seems to bring this out of her.

     Billy Loomer
Portrayed by: Kyle Swann

The school bully who frequently targets Ned and has a crush on Moze. He dated Suzie for most of season 2.

  • The Bully: Though no one appears to be particularly afraid of him. By the end of the show people treat him more as a nuisance than a bully.
  • Hidden Depths: He can sometimes be romantic and even poetic, especially towards Moze.
  • Hopeless Suitor: To Moze.
  • Jerkass: He and his minions enjoy picking on other students, especially Ned, Cookie, and Coconut Head.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He has his decent moments, and seems to really care about Moze.
  • Last-Name Basis: To the point where people are surprised to find out he has a first name.
  • The Leader: Of his Gang of Bullies.
  • Love Redeems: In a way. He changed so Moze would love him. It failed—he caught Suzie's eye instead.
  • Meaningful Name: The Looming Bully. Incidentally, it also sounds a lot like Billy Loomis.
  • No Guy Wants to Be Chased: When Moze comes onto him in the finale to make Ned jealous, he's immediately turned off.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: A bully who writes poetry. His friend Crony is in the sewing club.

     Lisa Zemo
After her makeover 
Portrayed by: Rachel Sibner

A nerdy girl with a crush on Cookie that he generally ignored for seasons 1 and 2. Eventually had her braces removed and got contacts, getting the attention of a considerable amount of boys, including Cookie.

  • Abhorrent Admirer: To Cookie in the first two seasons.
  • Beautiful All Along: In season 3, she gets a complete makeover done, which draws in a lot of guys, including Cookie whom she had an unrequited crush on.
  • Blind Without Them: One time Loomer accidentally knocked her over causing her to lose her glasses. She immediately dropped to her knees and frantically searched for them.
  • Clingy Jealous Girl: Averted as she said to Cookie and Evelyn in "Guide to Health and Jealousy" that she's not the jealous type.
  • Dude Magnet: In the third season, she suddenly gets a lot of attention from her male classmates, especially Cookie.
  • Gasshole: Only for one episode, where she burped the alphabet for a talent show and was seen practising her burping beforehand.
  • Hollywood Nerd: A short, awkward, strangely dressed, Shrinking Violet, who inexplicably becomes hot when she gets contacts, finally deals with her sinus infection, and gets a new wardrobe.
  • Meganekko: For the first two seasons, she wears large glasses and is pretty cute. In the third season, she's traded her glasses for contacts.
  • Sickly Neurotic Geek: She started off with braces, Nerd Glasses, and a perpetually stuffy nose. Subverted, however, because a season or two later she comes back looking less nerdy and on a new allergy medication. One episode has her temporarily revert to this, as she had allergies again and had to wear hypoallergenic clothing and glasses. This time without the curly hair and braces, though.
  • Unrequited Love Switcheroo: With Cookie. She spends the first two seasons as Cookie's Abhorrent Admirer, but she gets a makeover in the next season and she's too popular with the other boys to pay much attention to him.

     Seth Powers
Portrayed by: Alex Black

A dumb basketball player and Moze's love interest in season 1 and 2.

  • Brainless Beauty: He's attractive, but really, really stupid. Later averted in the series finale when, after he starts dating Evelyn Kwong, he becomes smarter.
  • Cloud Cuckoolander
    Seth: I had a hall pass, but I think I ate it.
    Seth: But reading is so important! It's like meat... for your brain.
  • Crazy Jealous Guy: He becomes one for Moze in "Guide To: Jealousy". He starts fighting Faymen over Moze's affections in ridiculous ways (jousting, wrestling in inflatable sumo outfits, etc.). Moze points out that his jealousy is uncalled for since he broke up with her eight months prior and he hadn't made any moves since then. Not to mention that Moze had been with Faymen for a while and he just found out about it.
  • The Ditz: Seems to be clueless about everything except basketball.
  • Dumbass No More: Becomes smarter when he begins dating Evelyn and she tutors him in his schoolwork.
  • Dumb Blonde: He can't read, he has issues with spelling simple words, and he always gets stuck on writing a poem because he can't figure out what rhymes with "orange."
  • Dumb Jock: He's apparently pretty good at basketball, but he's got the IQ of one as well.
  • Iconic Item: Is almost always seen with a basketball spinning on his finger
  • "L" Is for "Dyslexia": It's implied that he's dyslexic.
  • Lovable Jock: He's not mean at all, just incredibly dense.
  • Odd Couple: With Evelyn, as he's a jock and she's a nerd.
  • Pair the Spares: With Evelyn in the series finale.
  • Popular Is Dumb: He's considered one of the cool kids. He's also as dense as a brick.
  • Pretty Boy: He's blonde and good-looking in a boyish way.
  • Took a Level in Dumbass: He was always an idiot, but in Season 1, he at least had a better understanding of reality, and people's intentions. Come Seasons 2 and 3, he's completely absent-minded. This becomes inverted later on when Evelyn starts tutoring him however.

     Missy Meany
Portrayed by: Carlie Casey

The most popular girl in school and a total bitch. Eventually develops a psychotic obsession with Ned.

  • All Girls Want Bad Boys: She dates Loomer at one point, though it turns out that she was only using him to worry her parents enough about this trope and send her to Paris that summer.
  • Alliterative Name: Missy Meany.
  • Alpha Bitch: She's the most popular girl in school, and also the meanest.
  • Asshole Victim: It doesn't result in her dying, and while what Ned did to her in "Guide To: Revenge" was mean, she did deserve it for all the mean things she pulled.
  • Clingy Jealous Girl: To an extreme degree. In addition to giving us the page quote, she scares off any female who gets remotely close to Ned until he fakes dating Moze just to drive her off.
    Ned: Missy, I've found someone else.
    Missy: You're so cute when you say things that will get you and whoever you're talking about severely injured.
  • Dating What Daddy Hates: Invoked when she dates Loomer - she was just trying to freak out her parents to make them send her on a trip to Paris.
  • Dude Magnet: She is seen as the second-hottest girl in school after Moze. In "Valentine's Day", she gets 23 roses while Moze gets 31. She's not happy about this difference.
  • Forceful Kiss: Plants 4 of these on Ned in “Popularity”, ”Competiton”, “Money”, and “Spring Fever”.
  • Give Geeks a Chance: Surprisingly, yes. She actually said yes to Ned when he asked her on a date and even thanks him for having the courage to do so and generally behaves nicely to him.
  • Light Is Not Good: Missy frequently wears light pinks, whites and greens, but that doesn't make her any less of a bully.
  • Jerkass: Possibly the biggest one among the students. Loomer, at least, can be fairly chummy when he's not being a jerk. Missy's never shown being anything other than unpleasant.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: When Suzie initially objects to Missy pursuing Ned, Missy points out that Suzie has had plenty of chances to date Ned and blew all of them.
  • Mad Love: Towards Ned.
    Moze: If you don't like Missy, why don't you just tell her?
    Ned: Because reason doesn't work on crazy people!
  • Manipulative Bitch: When Ned goes to her for advice on getting Suzie's attention, Missy does her best to ruin Ned so that he's unappealing to Suzie. It doesn't work.
  • Meaningful Name: She's a mean girl.
  • Rich Bitch: She's able to loan Ned and Cookie $50 (she apparently carries $50 bills in her wallet), and dated Loomer just to freak her parents out enough to send her to Paris for vacation.
  • Stalker with a Crush: On Ned.
  • Suspiciously Similar Substitute: There was a different Alpha Bitch named "Bitsy" in a couple of episodes of Season 1. Missy took over in Season 2 and Bitsy vanished without a trace.
  • Villainous Crush: Towards Ned in season 3, trying everything she can to separate him from Suzie.
  • Yandere: Is obsessed with Ned and doesn't take his attempt to break up with her very well.

     Faymen Phorchin
Portrayed by: Vinicius Machado

Moze's Brazilian love interest for Season 3.

     Coconut Head
Portrayed by: Rob Pinkston

A kid with a bowl haircut.

  • Amazon Chaser: He apparently has a thing for the Huge Crew and thinks Ned is lucky to have them all over him. When Ned expresses surprise at this, Coconut Head just sums up this trope in a single sentence:
    "What can I say? I like tough girls!"
  • Butt-Monkey: Poor kid just can't catch a break.
  • The Chew Toy: By everyone and everything, starting from the first few seconds of the series.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Somewhat.
  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin: He has a haircut that makes it look like he has a carved coconut on his head. That's exactly why he got the name.
  • Hidden Depths:
    • He's shown to be an incredible operatic singer.
    • As long as he's properly prepared, he's amazing at basketball, having made a near impossible shot while blindfolded.
    • He made it to the final 4 of the spelling bee and unlike Ned there's no indication he was getting easy words.
  • No Name Given: Coconut Head is a nickname given to him by Loomer in the first episode. He's never called anything else.
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: Even the teachers call him "Coconut Head."
  • Throw the Dog a Bone: In "Guide To: Fundraising", he wins a flat screen TV and a video game system.

     Martin Qwerly
Portrayed by: Tylor Chase

A peppy overachiever and Motor Mouth.

  • Butt-Monkey: Everyone finds him annoying.
  • Hidden Depths: Despite being unbelievably hyper, he lives a secret double life as a signature forger for hire. He's also quite fast as the moment Cookie sent him the warning message, he and his materials vanished before the teachers caught him.
  • Keet: The kid is unstoppable. Other than the time he got deflated by an Emo Teen in "Positives and Negatives".
  • Meaningful Name: A play on the words "smart 'n' squirrely", which he is indeed. Lampshaded in his first appearance, where Ned provides Martin as an example of a "smart 'n' squirrely" project partner.
  • Motor Mouth: To the point where Ned can replace himself with a cardboard cutout and Martin will still go on talking for a couple of hours without even noticing. Often accompanied by a Leitmotif.
  • Punny Name: See Meaningful Name
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Macaroons, especially coconut. Enough to where one box is his price for a forgery. Forty boxes are enough to give his beeper number which Cookie exploits in the episode. At the end of the episode, his locker is full of the boxes Cookie gave him.

     Jerry Crony and Buzz Rodriguez 
Portrayed by: Teo Olivares, (Crony) Reccie Canon (Buzz)

  • Flat Character: Unlike Crony, Buzz never gets any real character development. He's always just there following along with Crony or Loomer.
  • Foil: Whereas Crony has curly hair, Buzz is bald.
  • Heel Realization: Buzz has one in the only episode he talks after Moze calls out him, Loomer, and Crony for being awful volunteers.
  • Hidden Depths: Crony is pretty good with sewing.
  • Hopeless Suitor: Crony has a crush on Missy and frequently tries to ask her out, but she always shuts him down.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: They are actually decent guys when not assisting Loomer with his bullying. Crony, in particular, has been shown to be friendly with Ned and Cookie when Loomer is not around.
  • Last-Name Basis: Crony's first name is rarely used.
  • Meaningful Name: Crony is one of Loomer's cronies, and Buzz has a buzz cut.
  • The Speechless: Buzz almost never speaks.
  • Those Two Guys: They are usually seen together.

     Backpack Boy
Portrayed by: Kendre Berry

A boy whose always wearing a backpack, and has a wide collection of them for any occasion.

     Claire Sawyer
Portrayed by: Brooke Marie Bridges

A girl who plans on becoming a lawyer and thus plays lawyer to the main and side characters on numerous occasions.

  • Adorably Precocious Child: Has her moments.
  • Ambulance Chaser: She works with her fellow middle-schoolers and will work up lawsuits on anyone someone asks her to, no matter how ridiculous the case is.
  • Beta Couple: With Backpack Boy.
  • Catchphrase: "Claire Sawyer, Future Lawyer."
  • The Comically Serious: She acts like a full fledged and serious lawyer. And it's hilarious.
  • Out of Focus: By season 3, her appearances are greatly diminished, appearing only in "Guide to Revenge" and "Guide to Extra Credit".
  • Phrase Catcher: To her Catchphrase, people always reply with, "Claire. We've known you since pre-K."
  • Running Gag: Whenever a character has a problem, she'll always appear, hand them a business card, and say her Catchphrase. Ironically, the one time Ned deliberately called for her, she didn't appear right away. Ned had to actually shout her name for her to show up.
  • The Stoic:
    Backpack Boy gives Claire a valentine.
    Claire: (with no expression) This is funny.
    Backpack Boy: But you're not laughing.
    Claire: (mad) Yes, I am.
  • Token Minority Couple: With Backpack Boy.
  • Tsundere: Again, to Backpack Boy.

    The Huge Crew

A group of bullies who stalk Ned.

  • Abhorrent Admirers: To Ned.
  • Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Season 3. However, this is justified since they were older than Ned and probably went on to high school.
  • Distaff Counterpart: To Loomer and his crew.
  • Gang of Bullies: The Distaff Counterpart to Loomer's crew. Interestingly enough, the two groups avoid each other, and it's implied that Loomer is actually scared of them.
  • Out-of-Character Moment: Doris Trembley, the leader of the Huge Crew, appears in "Guide To: Substitute Teachers", by herself, and exhibits none of her usual behavior, acting uncharacteristically neutral towards Ned. She even participates in a conversation with him, Cookie, Moze, and the substitute teacher Mr. Weiner, and acts rather calm and friendly.
  • Stalker with a Crush: They are insanely obsessed with Ned.
  • Terrible Trio: The trio consists of Doris and her two friends, Lakisha and Kati.
  • Unwanted Harem: To Ned.

    Evelyn Kwong
Cookie's intellectual rival... don't get her mad at you!
Portrayed by: Michelle Kim

Cookie's competitive academic rival. She hates Cookie at first but later develops feelings for him for a time.

  • Academic Alpha Bitch: She takes being the top student at Polk disturbingly seriously, to the extent that she'll physically injure you to get ahead.
  • Asian and Nerdy: She is one of the smartest students at Polk and is one of the few visible Asian characters in the series.
  • Ax-Crazy: She's borderline psychotic at times. Even the vice principal is scared of her.
  • Clingy Jealous Girl: With Cookie and later with Seth Powers.
  • Forceful Kiss: She smooches Cookie this way, often after conflict with him.
  • Green-Eyed Monster: She doesn't like seeing Cookie with another girl. In fact, she tackled a fake girl out of jealousy, unaware that Cookie was trying to invoke this trope with Lisa.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: While she's abrasive and overly competetive, she's among one of the students who helps teach Ned how to organize and plan out his life.
  • Loving Bully: To Cookie.
  • Mad Love: To Cookie after he accidentally kisses her.
    Evelyn: (to Cookie after kissing him) You drive me crazy.
  • Nerdy Bully: An Asian and Nerdy girl who insults the other students, uses intimidation to fulfil her goals, and has no problem tormenting and beating up Cookie.
  • No Social Skills: She's a bit... forward with her feelings for Cookie. In "Boys", she admits to Moze that she has no idea how to talk to boys.
  • Odd Couple: With Seth when they get together, being he's a jock and she's one of the nerds.
  • The Rival: Of Cookie, competing against him to be the smartest student at Polk.
  • Stalker with a Crush: Again, on Cookie.
  • Teen Genius: A middle-schooler capable of doing (what appears to be) abstract algebra.
  • Tsundere: A Type A to Cookie, on a good day. She mellows out considerably after getting together with Seth.
  • Yandere: On a bad day. She's clingy and not entirely there. She seems to stabilize out after hooking up with Seth.

    Timmy Toot-Toot

A classmate with a farting problem.

Portrayed by: Vincent Martella

The school newshound and photographer.

    The Oboe Twins 

A pair of twin girls who play the oboe.

  • Always Identical Twins: They are identical in every way.
  • Creepy Twins: They're very nice, but are way, way too alike to not be this trope.
  • The Glasses Gotta Go: Ned seems to find them attractive when they take off their glasses.
  • Single-Minded Twins: To the extreme. They almost never do anything apart, and whenever they do, they immediately start copying the nearest person to replace their twin.
  • Shrinking Violet: Both of them are very shy, and rarely talk to anyone but each other.
  • Think Twins: They're among the smartest kids in school, even being part of Ned's math study group for a while.


"But that's it! Today is also the weasel's last day at school!"
Portrayed by: Daran Norris

"You know, if I did my job once in a while, you wouldn't even need that [school beautification] squad."

The school Day Janitor who helps the kids with their problems and is essentially a fourth member of the main trio.

  • Almighty Janitor: He's far more well-connected than you'd expect of a simple janitor. He sometimes implies that he used to have a high-level position in the government.
  • Breakout Character: His popularity is on par with the main cast, granting him a much bigger role from Season 2 onward.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Subverted/inverted in "The New Kid," where another janitor competes for Gordy's position. Gordy keeps the job... not because of his competence (the other janitor was in fact a lot better), but because he was shown to care more about the students than his competition did.
  • Catchphrase: "I'll let the night guy handle it."
  • Dirty Old Man: Defied Trope.
    Cookie: So, do you think the new Lisa's hot?
    Gordy: Um... I can't answer that, due to the fact that I'm forty.
  • Driven to Madness: Happens a number of times following his failed weasel-catching attempts.
  • Manchild: He doesn't act his age, at least at school. There are some indications that he lives the life of a bachelor after hours.
  • Mysterious Past: The details of his past are infrequent, but he apparently once got beat up so badly for wearing his sister's pants he can't remember that day at all, went to multiple military schools after flunking all his tests, and apparently got kicked out of medical school for paying somebody to take his tests for him.
  • One of the Kids: He spends more time getting into zany schemes with Ned and Cookie than he does doing his job. To his credit, he won't do anything that will cause too much damage, but mostly because he'll have to clean it up.
  • Promotion to Opening Titles: In season 2.
  • Roadrunner Vs Coyote: With the weasel. Taken to the extreme in "Guide to: Math", where Gordy uses techniques straight out of a Looney Tunes short (boulder slingshot, rocket skates) and even uses a sign for dialogue like Wile E. Coyote would.

     Vice-Principal Crubbs 
Portrayed by: Hamilton Mitchell

The Vice-Principal of the School who acts like a cop and hams it up.

  • Catchphrase: "Do [Insert action] or you're fired!" or just "You're fired!"
  • Cool Hat: Has a siren hat.
  • Cool Shades: The different way to mess with his sunglasses are spoofed in many ways, including by not limited to an over-the-top Glasses Pull.
  • Disco Dan: Intentional, as his whole thing is being inspired by Miami Vice. He wears a white suit with a pink or blue shirt underneath and 80s sunglasses. His office is also full of flamingos, the state bird of Florida, along with 80s decor.
  • Everyone Has Standards: He is a self-aggrandizing goofball, but he draws the line at embezzlement.
  • Hidden Depths: Turns out his Miami Vice cop sthick is not an act; he actually was inspired by the show (or something like it) as a boy and would become one as an adult. However, he realized that being a police officer wasn't at all like how it's depicted on TV and realized what he wanted was to help people. He also realized that in his experiences, many of the criminals became criminals because of problems back as teenagers. As such, he went into education so that he could help students before they would become criminals.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He's often boorish and rude, sometimes unreasonably so, but at the end of the day he does genuinely care about the students and sometimes even gives good advice to them. In fact, he became an educator when he realizes that many criminals became as such due to unresolved problems from their youth,
  • Large Ham: Most of the time he acts like he's starring in a procedural.
  • Leitmotif: Has one that is totally not cribbed from Miami Vice. It adds to his character of a would-be cop and his history of wanting to be one in Miami, thinking it would be like TV.
  • The Mentor: He tries to be this for Ned in "Career Week" when testing suggests the boy could successfully pursue a career in education. It works better than Ned was initially willing to admit.
  • Promotion to Opening Titles: Downplayed. He is added towards the end of Season 2, but only some episodes have him in the opening titles, particular, any episodes where Gordy or Mr. Monroe don't appear, leaving him to be credited in their place.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: As part of his Miami Vice theme, he often wears pink shirts, and has pink flamingos everywhere in his office.
  • Stealth Pun: He’s the school’s vice principal who acts like a vice cop.
  • Tyrant Takes the Helm: Defied by Ned, Moze, and Cookie. When their first principal leaves his position and it looks like Crubbs will get the role, Dr. Wright gets promoted to principal instead.
  • Obstructive Bureaucrat: Of all of the authority figures in Polk, he is far more uptight and by-the-book. Probably a leftover from his time as a cop.

     Mr. Sweeney 
Portrayed by: Don Creech

The science teacher who is seen as a Sadist Teacher by most of the students.

  • Batman Gambit: In one episode when he was having a test coming up, he scolded Ned for his notebook and told him about the "Golden Notebook" that belonged to a former ace student, saying that if he was anything like it, he may have a chance of passing the test. Ned switched the notebook with a replica and aced the test. As he was putting it back, Sweeney caught Ned and revealed that it was him that wrote the notebook.
    Sweeney: I just made up that story because I learned a long time ago that some students need to be tricked in order to learn.
    Ned: But why didn't you just loan it to me?
    Sweeney: Because then it would've been just another boring assignment for you to ignore. (Ned nods in agreement) And you wouldn't have gotten an A on the test. And now, caramel covered apples with nuts to celebrate a job well-done.
    • He has a villainous one in another episode. When the students were planning to do the "atomic flush" by flushing all the toilets in the school at once, thereby hopping the entire school off the ground. Knowing that every single toilet would have to be flushed, he boarded himself inside the teachers' lounge bathroom, ensuring that it wouldn't happen. Though he still helped accomplish it in the end.
  • Big Bad: In some episodes, such as "Class Clown", "Detention", and "Daydreaming".
  • Cool Old Guy: While he can be pretty curmudgeonly, he can also dispense his wisdom to students when they need it.
  • Cool Shades: He keeps a spare set of sunglasses in his pocket.
  • Cool Teacher: Can be this at times as he really does care about his students, even willing to help tutor Ned so he doesn't have to go to summer school.
  • Jerkass Has a Point:
    • His frustration with Ned doesn’t stem from actual malice, but him knowing Ned is a smart student, but is just lazy when it comes to schoolwork.
    • While it may seem harsh with him not liking students daydreaming in class, it is because they’re not paying attention to the lesson.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Can be mean, cranky and harsh but overall is a nice, caring teacher who just wants his students to succeed.
  • Mad Scientist: Ned sees him as a cackling mad scientist who messes around with chemicals, though he's usually just a normal science teacher.
  • Non-Giving-Up School Guy: While he may be a Jerkass, but he really wants to do his job, be a teacher... that's it.
  • Pet the Dog:
    • He tutors Ned in science so that Ned can pass his final exam and avoid summer school. There's also the example from the Batman Gambit above; he successfully tricks Ned into actually studying for and acing his exam, and then offers him caramel cover apples to celebrate.
    • In the finale, he catches Ned on the field trip and doesn't rat him out, and calls him one of his favorite students.
  • Sadist Teacher: Appears to be sadistic, and actually is sometimes (in the episode "Class Clown" especially, when he delights in his students being miserable after the class clown moves away) but all in all, is a good (if somewhat stern) teacher.

     Mr./Dr. Alistair Wright 
Portrayed by: Meshach Taylor

The season 2 history teacher and Season 3 principal after Principal Pal retires.

  • Benevolent Boss: School-environment counterpart as the principal in Season 3. The students rally for him to become principal because he's so nice to them.
  • Cool Teacher: A very good teacher and close to his students. Ned, Moze, and Cookie often go to him for advice. They even help him get the job as principal after Principal Pal retires.
  • Extreme Doormat: After initially becoming principal, he's too dependent on Principal Pal. Principal Pal helps him become more solid and stern as a result.
  • Karmic Jackpot: He wasn't even considering the job as a school principal until Ned, Moze, Cookie, and unintentionally Crubbs encouraged him to. His outstanding credentials, excellent rapoire with his students, and top notch personality secures him the job.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: He's a friendly and reasonable teacher, in direct contrast to Sweeney, who swings back and forth between Sadist Teacher and Stern Teacher.

     Mr. Chopsaw 
Portrayed by: Dave Florek

The woodshop teacher and Moze's mentor.

  • Cool Old Guy: The most popular teacher in school by a significant degree, despite his...eccentricities. His job is easily the most dangerous in the school, and he does it without batting an eyelash. Even something like getting his entire arm caught in a lathe doesn't do much more than annoy him.
  • Hidden Depths: He was elected student body president back in high school, despite not being that popular (least in his youth). His main act was using car wash money to buy a handsome piece of woodshop equipment. He also recognizes the importance of style over fashion.
  • Theme Naming: He's the woodshop teacher and named after a tool.

     i Teacher 
Portrayed by: Mo Collins

A teacher who uses a computer to teach English Lit from home.

  • Mirror Character: During the focus on relations between teachers and students, she turns out to have been like Moze (albeit more of a go-getter) when she was younger. She uses this to help teach Mo to help find balance in her life.
  • Noodle Incident: She is terrified of people and no one knows why. She does imply that part of her isolation was a result of overloading her schedule and losing herself to stress. Whatever happened to her was so traumatic that she no longer leaves home. The most she does is communicate with people through a webcam. She is a bit ashamed that her choices and her neurotic behavior led her to this.
  • No Name Given: Never referred to as anything other than iTeacher.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: Becomes this when she realizes she overdid it in her effort to not be afraid of her students
  • Sadist Teacher: At first, but it turns out it was a sort of Hidden Heart of Gold-hiding facade so she wouldn't be scared of her students from that year on. Ironically, it had the opposite effect until she loosened up.

     Mr. Monroe 
Portrayed by: Jim J Bullock

The flamboyant Life Science and Health teacher, as well as editor of the school newspaper.

     Lunch Lady Rose 
Portrayed by: Loni Love

The school lunch lady who can see the future in beans.

  • Catchphrase: "It's in the BEANS."
  • Cassandra Truth: Every prediction she makes comes true, no matter how ridiculous. She said Cookie would get creamed, crushed, mashed, and black-eyed. At the end of the episode, he does indeed get that... but as in creamed corn, crushed pepper, mashed potatoes, and black-eyed peas.
  • Cool Old Lady: She's a cool lunch lady with prophetic abilities with lunch food.
  • Fortune Teller: Using her lunch items as a medium to see the future. Or at least, she claims that she can. Once, even she admits that Ned can only pass his test if he puts in the effort.
  • Sassy Black Woman: She certainly has her wit.

     Principal Irving Pal 
Portrayed by: John Bliss

The school's principal, who later becomes the school history teacher after he retires from being the principal.

  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: He's actually a capable and beloved principal; he just retired from old age. He continues this tradition when he becomes the new history teacher, even dressing up as a knight for a medieval class.
  • Cool Old Guy: All of the students and teachers love him.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: He seems to be going senile. However, some episodes imply that it's Obfuscating Stupidity.
  • Expy: Of Dumbledore.
  • Faking the Dead: He does this in the Halloween Episode after entering a haunted hallway attraction. He intended it to be a short gag, but he kept it up because it was just too funny watching Ned and the others struggle to keep people from finding out what happened.
  • The Ghost: He doesn't appear in person until Season 3.
  • Meaningful Name: Principal Pal is friendly and beloved. It's also a reference to "The principal is your pal," a mnemonic to remember the difference between "principal" (the person) and "principle" (the belief).
  • Obfuscating Insanity: He often acts like he's out of his gourd, only to immediately prove quite capable as a principal and teacher.
  • Running Gag: He frequently mistakes Moze for a boy for some reason.
    • Also, knocking himself out by walking into a wall, then being given a pillow and teddy bear by someone (usually Crubbs).
  • Secret Test of Character: Acted as if he didn't know he was supposed to retire from being the principal so that Mr. Wright could learn to work up the courage to directly break out bad news to faculty members.
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: Apparently. When attacked by food during a food fight, he thinks he's in a war zone and acts accordingly.
  • 10-Minute Retirement: Is formally retired from his position for an episode before becoming the history teacher.

     Mr. Gross 
Portrayed By: Steve Bannos

A very disgusting teacher who hosted the spelling bee.

  • Cool Teacher: Despite how gross of a teacher he is, Mr. Gross is actually kind.
  • Meaningful Name: He is very gross, so gross, that Gordy has to mop him up, and squirt mouthwash inside his mouth. He also has really bad breath.
  • Running Gag: His repulsive habits throughout "Spelling Bee."

     Coach Joy Dirga 

The gym teacher, also in charge of a few of the sports at Polk Middle School.

  • Cool Teacher: Despite her gruff exterior, she takes time out of her day to help Ned win a weight lifting contest.
  • Drill Sergeant Nasty: A lot of her lazier students bring out this behavior in her, but she has a nurturing side.
  • Height Angst: Subverted. She's perfectly fine with her height. When she sees Moze and another girl argue about the former being tall, she tells them not to worry about their height.
  • Tomboy with a Girly Streak: As seen in "Guide to: Late Bus", Dirga enjoys knitting while watching soap operas after school hours.

    Mrs. Splitz 
The guidance counselor, who often puts on wacky personas.

  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: She explains at the end that her seemingly bizarre moodswings are simply part of how she does her job, noting that each student requires a different approach to counseling.
  • Gentle Touch vs. Firm Hand: She embodies both sides to an humorously bipolar degree, able to switch between a rip-roaring Drill Sergeant Nasty to a pleasant, friendly lady (albeit prone to Suddenly Shouting) at the drop of a hat. As she explains, this is because she knows to take a unique approach with each student, such as the Ditzy Genius Cookie or the Brilliant, but Lazy Ned.
  • Meaningful Name: She changes personas so much that she almost seems to have a split personality.

    Mr. Lowe 
The other guidance counselor, who's kind of a sad sack.

Portrayed by: Fred Stoller

     Mrs. Knapp 

The former history teacher. Retires later and is replaced by Principal Pal.

  • Meaningful Name: She sleeps. A lot.
  • Lazy Bum: Not only is she always sleeping, but when told to retire her first instinct is to shout "Thank Heavens! I'm outta here!" and bolt through the door.
  • Senior Sleep Cycle: She sleeps through the entire day. It's not clear if it's because of her advanced age or just because she's lazy.

     The Weasel 

The pest at the school that Gordy is constantly trying to capture.

  • Babies Ever After: It turns out the weasel was a girl and even had babies at the end of the season finale, which is the only thing that makes Gordy stop chasing her.
  • Informed Species: Is very visibly a ferret, not a weasel.
  • Roadrunner Vs Coyote: With Gordy. Taken to the extreme in "Guide to: Math", where Gordy uses techniques straight out of a Looney Tunes short (boulder slingshot, rocket skates) and even uses a sign for dialogue like Wile E. Coyote would.
  • Underdogs Never Lose: Surprisingly, she has won both the election for school president and won a mountain bike after donating the most recyclables. Although, the former happened because (A) the weasel was nominated as a joke and (B) Coconut Head accidentally voted for the weasel when he was threatened by the Huge Crew to vote for a very reluctant Ned; and the latter was Gordy and Ned's fault for trashing her nest in the school's ventilation system.