open/close all folders
Main Characters
The main five, all animals who hang out at the bins behind the Lord Nelson. Nelson (Urban fox, Vulpus metreosexualis)
"Benjamin Fogle!"
Voiced by: Rufus Jones
The only wild fox in East London with subscriptions to all the major broadsheets (excluding The Sunday Times), Nelson is, as he never tires of introducing himself at dinner parties... "An urbane fox!"
"Ha-ha-ha. Ah, ruddy classic! No, come on now, if we can just be serious for a minute..."
He's also our hero. Because while being a fan of everything Ben Elton has ever done "post-Blackadder" and buying high-end gluten-free French chutneys from a carbon-neutral importer on the Kings Road are valid lifestyle choices if you're a human… less so when you're a fox. And so, in just being himself Nelson is blazing a trail, he's kicking down social barriers. He is, in short, Rosa Parks with National Trust membership
.
He also fancies Destiny. And yes, he's also aware that unspoken love is a sitcom cliché.
- Ambiguously Bi: Nelson has mostly dated (animal) women. However, he once pondered while watching "Wonders Of The Universe" if it's gay to want another man's company (Prof. Brian Cox) this much. He also may or may not have had sex with Vince when stranded on an island.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Nelson might be a "girly meterosexual wanker" in Vince's words), but when push comes to shove he can do some truly outrageous things, like killing his own chicken girlfriend or slamming Scot Mills' head into his own desk.
- Brother–Sister Incest: He once married his sister, although this was due to her being on heat. Once it wore off, he quickly regretted his decision.
- Camp Straight: Bisexual by any rate. Vince once referred to him as a "metrosexual wanker".
- Cartwright Curse: Nelson's lovers seem to have rather short life expectancies (probably to ensure he's back to pining for Destiny by the next episode). The chicken in the first episode turned out to be psycho, head cut off; his sister was squashed by an overweight Kali; Vince's mother had a heart attack when Nelson proposed; Destiny's double was killed by the real one for stabbing her guy of the week.
- Character Catchphrase: Uses the names of famous celebrities as exclamations. Sometimes, they're quite relevant to the situation at hand, i.e. exclaiming "George A. Romero!" as sex-crazed dogs bear down on the gang zombie-style.
- Civilized Animal: His own profile describes him as "your typical everyday, spice-rack-owning, broadsheet-reading, metrosexual, urban fox". This makes him unique amongst the urban animals and is the main cause of friction between himself and Vince.
- Crossdresser: Aside from appearing in drag multiple times on-screen, he apparently does this professionally, under the stage name of "The Divine Miss Vulpine". When asked about it in an online Q&A, he got a bit defensive:Nelson: Basically, right, I did it one time, for a laugh, for a couple of mates. Next thing you know, I'm being asked to do corporate events, private functions, hotel visits... Look, I was young, I was naïve, it was Blair's Britain! The boom years! Things were different back then! I mean, 'let he cast the first stone who hasn't dressed up as a woman and performed a private burlesque show for a lonely Taiwanese fund manager!' Right?
- The Dandy: A metrosexual urban fox with effeminate mannerisms and a taste for the middle-class lifestyle.
- Deadpan Snarker: Has a generally dry, sarcastic wit, which he tends to use in response to the more outlandish actions of the others.
- Grammar Nazi: Scott Mills found this out the hard way - one too many incorrect uses of standard English caused Nelson to fly off the handle.Nelson: (slamming Scott's head into the desk repeatedly)' CHAMPING! CHAMPING! CHAMPING! CHAMPING! CHAMPING! CHAMPING!
- Heroic BSoD: Suffers one of these in "Kali and the Psychological Warfare" after Destiny calmly but bluntly told him that she felt nothing for him and never would.
- Interspecies Romance: Is madly in love with Destiny, an Afghan hound. He's also dated a chicken and had sex with Kali.
- My Species Doth Protest Too Much: He refuses to let being a fox define who he is and how he lives his life. This is the main source of friction between himself and Vince, who doesn't consider him a proper fox.
- The Runt at the End: Admits he was this in "Destiny the Reluctant Sniffer Dog", which is why he took in the last of Vince's cubs.
- Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: The Sensitive Guy to Vince's Manly Man.
- Stalker with a Crush: To Destiny to various extents, from being more like a Dogged Nice Guy to being especially creepy, like when it's revealed he keeps track of her ovulation cycles.
- Stalking is Love: Given how this obsession occasionally leans into creepy territory, Nelson seems to genuinely believe this. Best shown in "Kali and the Psychological Warfare": Nelson considers Neil's obsession to be the stuff of romantic comedy and tries to get Neil and the girl together. It doesn't end well.
- Wrong Genre Savvy: His devotion and affection towards Destiny is based on him believing they're in a Will They or Won't They? scenario straight from a romantic comedy.
Destiny (Afghan hound, Canis self-absorbedbitchicus)
"Not that arsed."
Voiced by: Lucy Montgomery
There are two great tragedies in Destiny's life:
1) That she was born a dog and not for e.g. Lauren Conrad who used to be in The Hills or failing that any of the cast members from Laguna Beach or failing that at the absolute, absolute least Charlotte Church, but right now, not when she was all fat and maternal.
2) That her owner Gary always wears that s*** ting tracksuit.
At heart, angel-faced perfectly groomed pedigree Destiny is just a sweet teenage romantic. And like all sweet teenage female romantics, she has the dead-eyed psychotic ruthlessness of a freelance Serbian assassin when it comes to getting what she wants.Which isn't Nelson. Ever. Ever. Ever-ever-ever.And yes, she's aware that unrequited love is also a sitcom cliché.
- Animal Stereotypes: Destiny is an Afghan hound and, true to breed, isn't very smart.
- Attention Whore: Destiny deeply desires to be seen as a famous, sexy celebrity, and will do anything she can to obtain that level of fame.
- Character Catch Phrase:
- "Oh, my days!" in response to anything shocking.
- "Not that arsed," in response to anything that isn't in her immediate wheelhouse.
- Clingy Jealous Girl: As much as she resents Gary, Destiny will not allow any other woman to come between him and her.”WHORE! WHORE! WHORE! WHORE!”
- Fatal Flaw: Pride, naturally. When Destiny does get the attention she craves, it goes to her head and causes her to make mistakes that undermine whatever positive validation she originally got.
- "Nelson the Stroke Virgin" sees her take credit for Marion saving a drowning toddler, but she doesn't even try to save another kid who falls into the Thames because she doesn't want to ruin her fur. This causes public opinion to do a complete 180 on her.
- She rashly accepts the offer to be a model in "Nelson the Naughty Arsonist", and it's only afterwards that she discovers that she's the cover girl for a brand of worming tablets. Needless to say, she's mortified."But now, to everyone else, I look like I've got bum worms! Bum worms!"
- Gold Digger: In the episode "Kali and the Psychological Warfare", Destiny marries an old, mean-spirited, and half-blind dog for his squeaky toy pig.
- Hopeless with Tech: "Kali and the Rickshaw Inferno" shows how dependant she really is on Gary to provide for her - she initially thinks her bowl is where her food comes from until Nelson shows her otherwise.
- It's All About Me: It’s literally in her title (Canis self-absorbedbitchicus)! Destiny is incredibly vain and selfish, and shows no interest in anything that isn't to do with her or her potential celebrity status.
- Lower-Class Lout: Bears many of the hallmarks of the British “chav” stereotype, despite her snobbish attitude.
- Miles Gloriosus: "Nelson the Stroke Virgin" has her take credit for Marion saving a drowning child. When another child fell into the Thames, however, she made absolutely no effort to rescue him - when push came to shove, she cared more about her looks than being an actual hero.
- Narcissist: Literally fell in love with the smell of her own ass!
- The Nose Knows: Even by dog standards, her sense of smell is so good, she can tell if someone watches the snooker just by sniffing their bottom.
- Overly Long Name: Her pedigree name is Princess Madame Majesty Magical Melody Moonbeam Kenny Logginsnote IV.
- Small Name, Big Ego: Being a pedigree has given Destiny a massive superiority complex. She considers herself deserving of celebrity status on par with somebody like Victoria Beckham, despite being no more than the pet of an average joe landlord in London.
- Visual Pun: She's a bitch in both senses of the word.
Marion (Alleycat, Felis retardicus)
"I knew that. (I did not know that.)"
Voiced by: Dan Tetsell
Age: no idea.
Ethnicity: not sure.
Country of origin: dunno, like maybe Morocco or something?
This much we DO know about Marion: he's been abandoned by a lot of owners, thrown into a lot of canals, ditched in a lot of lay-bys, left in a lot of very stuffy, very locked cars.
It's probably because of his deep-rooted abandonment issues that Marion clings so tightly to his good friend Nelson. Frankly, he needs all the paternal guidance he can get. A simple (some may say 'borderline retarded') soul, Marion is nothing if not highly corruptible.
Safe to say, it won't be curiosity that kills this cat, it'll be the fact that he's been brainwashed by radical hedgehogs into sticking a firework up his own arse and then martyring himself.
- Abusive Parents: Downplayed - Marion just has no experience as a parent at all. When he finally meets his estranged son, he gives him no end of well-intentioned but terrible advice, including taking up smoking, falling for Nigerian prince scams and not wearing condoms.
- Ambiguously Bi: While he's had a few interactions with females, one of which ended up producing a son, Marion's definitely had his moments. The "circle stroke" with Nelson being the highlight.
- Cats Have Nine Lives: Given how Marion has survived various accidents and abuses that ought to have killed him, this appears to be the case. Amusingly, he thought that cats had fifty lives until Nelson corrected him.
- Cat Up a Tree: Lampshades the entire concept after getting high on catnip and waking up in a tree.Marion: Oh, God, Kali! I'm a cat, and I'm stuck up a tree! I'm such a cliché.Kali: You totally are.
- Character Catchphrase: Claiming that he know some fact, only to admit the complete opposite as an aside to the viewer.
- The Ditz: To say that Marion isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer would be an understatement.
- Fatal Flaw: His extreme dependency on others, stemming from his abandonment issues. It makes him highly susceptible to peer pressure, deception and groupthink, which means he can be convinced to do anything between taking catnip to martyring himself.
- Hidden Depths: He's incredibly talented at playing the piano.
- High on Catnip: Happens to him in "Destiny the Reluctant Sniffer Dog", which ends with him stuck up a tree. Nelson's attempt at aversion therapy just makes him trip even harder, which leads into an actual addiction.
- May–December Romance: With Lollipop, a three-week old kitten. The others are disgusted by this due to Lollipop not being the feline age of consent (four weeks), and when she does get there, they're still creeped out by it due to the age gap between them.
- Out of Continues: Marion had nine lives, but repeated abuse and mishap has whittled them down until he is now on his last one.
- Parental Abandonment: Marion has been abandoned, abused and neglected by a long string of different owners. As such, he clings to any guidance he can get - usually from Nelson.
- Too Kinky to Torture: “Nelson the Stroke Virgin” has him admit that he’s quite looking forward to getting stroked en masse by the visiting school kids.
- Undying Loyalty: Considers Nelson his best friend, although his lack of brains tends to grate on Nelson's nerves.
- Vague Age: Not even his official bio knows how old he is. Judging from the grossed-out reactions of the others, though, the age gap between him and Lollipop must be a notable one.
- Visual Pun: He's a Persian cat in both breed and (possibly) accent.
- What the Hell Is That Accent?: His accent is as ridiculous as it is indistinguishable. According to the creators it's a bad impression of Omid Djalili, a British-Iranian actor, comedian and writer.
Kali (Pigeon, Aves aggravaticus)
"Bo! Brap-brap-brap! Disrespect! Owned!"
Voiced by: Katy Brand
Grey feathers, red legs, black heart.
Kali is a spiteful, petty, vindictive, s***ty little bird with a small beak and a big voice. In fact, there's only one thing in life she enjoys more than revelling in other people's misfortune, and that's causing other people's misfortune and then revelling in it a bit afterwards (like maybe over some coffee and a bagel from the bins near Pret).
She also seriously bears a grudge. Against all of humankind for their years of tyranny against her winged brethren! Against the entire vulpine species for their years of tyranny against her winged brethren! Against Harry Hill for making a slightly off-color comment re: her mum in an episode of You've Been Framed once back in 2008!
So yeah. Be afraid. Be slightly afraid.
- Ambiguously Brown: She has a strong MLEnote accent/dialect.
- But Not Too Bi: It is hinted that she may be bisexual. She seems in denial in being attracted to the same gender (she even consults a therapist about it).
- The Cynic: Is this out of all the animals, being the most likely to assume the worst and quick to poke fun at other's optimism and good intentions.
- Deadpan Snarker: Is the most likely to make fun of other people's misfortunes, especially those of Nelson and Marion.
- Character Catchphrase: Tends to fire off a long string of loud phrases in response to her own puns or put-downs.
- Did Not Think This Through: Kali had a bad habit of not fully thinking her actions all the way through, leading to some unfortunate mishap:
- When she declares revenge on Harry Hill in "Marion the Superfluous Feed Character", she sets fire to a photo of him with a lighter... and sets her own nest alight.
- Her protest against the pigeon spikes in "Destiny the Infection Risk" involves her throwing herself onto them, thereby fulfilling their exact purpose. She only realizes this after she's already impaled herself on them.
- The height of her impulsiveness is in "Kali and the Rickshaw Inferno", where she kills a rickshaw driver with an IED in retaliation for running over her birthday dinner. Almost immediately, the man's wife and child come running to the scene, and Kali quickly goes from celebrating to bawling her eyes out in despair at what she's done.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Kali will declare revenge upon anyone for the slightest infraction and goes to extreme lengths to obtain that revenge.
- Drowning My Sorrows: Turns to alcohol as a means of dulling her guilt for killing a man with a wife and child.
- Even Bad Men Love Their Mamas: When her mother was filmed being mortally electrocuted on You've Been Framed! and died shortly after, Kali swore revenge on Harry Hill.
- Everyone Has Standards: She was as disgusted as the others to learn that Marion was dating a three-week old kitten.
- God Is Inept: As she explains in the song "What Kind of God?", Kali refuses to believe in a God that permits such annoyances as sharp plastic packaging, people who read over your shoulder, junk mail in newspapers and homeless children. Funnily enough, God is real in this universe (played by Christopher Biggins, no less!) and readily admits that some of her complaints are valid.
- Interspecies Romance: She tried to convince Nelson and then Vince to have sex with her as part of her master plan in "Kali the Genetic Engineer". The end of the episode reveals that she and Nelson went through with it.
- Lower-Class Lout: Kali has many characteristics of the "chav" stereotype.
- Meaningful Name: Is named after Kali, the Hindu goddess of destruction, and her plans for revenge are suitably destructive and over-the-top.
- My God, What Have I Done?: Upon learning the rickshaw driver she killed had a wife and son, Kali falls into a guilt-induced depression.
- Nay-Theist: Kali refuses to believe in God despite the fact that he exists (and is played by Christopher Biggins). She gets a Bolt of Divine Retribution for her trouble.Kali: Screw you, Biggins!
- No Party Like a Donner Party: Although she did agonize over it a fair bit at first, she willingly ate her own cousin, cooked and served, at Vince's wedding.
- Parental Issues: When her therapist asked her to draw how she felt about her mother, she apparently drew a "very angry-looking vagina", implying their relationship wasn't all that great.
- Sassy Black Woman: Despite being a pigeon, she exhibits the lingo, demeanor and mannerisms of such a stereotype.
Vince (Urban fox, Vulpus c***icus)
"Did you just call me a ***?"
Voiced by: Paul Kaye
Potty-mouthed sociopath Vince is everything Nelson is not. He's a real fox. He's a proper wild animal. He's a red-blooded chicken-eating homicidal predator. As a consequence, some of his eBay feedback is frankly appalling.
But with his simply adorable catchphrase ("Morning c***s!"), his loveable, kooky madcap antics (eating his own young; butchering dead women) and his charming penchant for a good ole Cockney sing-a-long ("come on everyone… F*** Chickens!") Vince is every inch the perfect next-door neighbor.
Yeah. Like *** he is.
- Abusive Parents: He's eaten five of his cubs and caused another one to get run over on the motorway.
- Berserk Button: Don't call him a c***, whatever you do. Or insult the memory of his mother.
- Boomerang Bigot: He's casually homophobic but is also a Depraved Bisexual more than willing to have sex with men, often without consent.
- Bruiser with a Soft Center: He may hurt and kill practically anyone just for the hell of it or because of some minor thing, but Vince is actually pretty emotionally fragile.
- His last New Year's resolution in "Vince and the Helpful Horse" was to do something nice for Nelson. He invited Nelson over for a party - which turned out to be a game of Middle-Earth Risk with wine and candles, showing that, as much as he looks down on his cousin for not being a "proper fox", he does care about him and his interests.
- Character Catchphrase: "Did you just call me a c***?" Violence almost always follows shortly after.
- Cop Killer: Kidnaps and butchers a police horse to avoid getting arrested for stealing a takeaway's donner meat.
- Country Matters: His favourite word.
- Depraved Bisexual: He thinks nothing of having sex with men and women, and often rapes them.
- Eats Babies: He ate all but one of his cubs just because he couldn't find a spoon for his Muller Rice. In his defence, they were both rhubarb flavour.
- The ending of "Kali the Genetic Engineer" has him devouring Kali and Nelson's hybrid child when it turns out to be just a pigeon with red feathers.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Despite Vince's many vices, all of which he is very proud of, he laughs at and dismisses the idea of joining the BNP.note Vince: You must be f***ing joking, I know where to draw the line!
- Extreme Omnisexual: He'll attempt intercourse with just about everything, regardless of species, gender, relations or consent.
- Hollywood Tourette's: "Kali and the Rickshaw Inferno" reveals he suffers from this. Curiously, he stops swearing when he sings showtunes, such as from Oliver! and Cats.
- Hidden Depths: Multiple episodes show that there's more layers to Vince than first appears:
- "Vince and the C***'s Speech" shows he's actually very self-conscious about what people think of him, pressuring Nelson to not say anything bad about him in his best man speech.
- "Kali and the Psychological Warfare" has him doing a sponsored non-violence month in aid of cystic fibrosis, so he refused to kill Destiny's elderly husband. This falls apart, however, when he does learn to read and can understand the message he’d written on the wall.
- The finale of Season 2 reveals that he owns a limited edition Middle-Earth Risk board.
- Interspecies Romance: He is very sexually driven and has had stories with animals other than foxes, such as cats and it is even hinted with other small critters.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Downplayed. Vince is mostly a straightforward jerk to outright sociopathic levels, but he shows every now and again that he does sincerely care about Nelson and he'll occasionally Pet the Dog.
- Kissing Cousins: He once humped his own cousin, right in front of Nelson no less.
- The Loins Sleep Tonight: He was down for having sex with Kali in aid of her plan to destroy humankind... until this happened.Kali: Don't blame yourself, lots of men have this problem!Vince: Stupid, useless ***! Working last night!
- Nature Is Not Nice: If his rant at Nelson in "Marion and the Superfluous Feed Character", Vince believes this to be true. He claims that his abusive treatment of the three animals locked up in his garden was Tough Love, trying to make them strong enough to survive on the rough streets of Milwall. Then again, given that this is Vince, this is worth taking with a grain of salt.
- Never Learned to Read: "Kali and the Psychological Warfare" reveals he dropped out of school to go for an apprenticeship, which means he never learned to read. He remedies this in the same episode by taking a course in adult literacy.
- No True Scotsman: He considers Nelson to not be a "proper" fox like himself, due to the former's interests in things that don't include killing, sexual deviance and general jackassery.
- Politically Incorrect Hero: He's openly prejudiced on top of everything else, freely using homophobic language and singing an entire song about how racist he is towards chickens.
- That Makes Me Feel Angry: He will hurt or murder anyone who insults him or his mother and her memory.
- Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: Vince is the manly man to Nelson's sensitive guy.
- The Sociopath: Violent, impulsive and sadistic toward all living things, Vince is a low-functioning example of this trope.
Recurring Minor Characters
Characters who aren’t the main focus but make reoccurring appearances. Gary
Played by: Tony Way
Destiny's owner and the landlord of the Lord Nelson, the pub that the five animals hang out behind.
- Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: Is basically this to Destiny. His choices in fashion, activities and general habits cause her no end of frustration.
- Weirdness Censor: Since he can't understand the animals, he has no idea what goes on behind the pub.
Tim
A German-accented badger who often associates with the main five. He has some creepy habits and is shown to wear black leather gloves on occasion.
Morgan Freeman Lamb
A lamb who's voice sounds eerily close to Morgan Freeman, hence the name.
- Berserk Button: Don’t imply that he actually sounds like Laurence Fishburne, or that he and Freeman sound similar in any way.
- Drunk on Milk: In his debut episode, he drinks milk to dull the sensation of being stroked.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Averted - his entire character is pastiche of Freeman’s role in The Shawshank Redemption, and he very openly acknowledges whom he sounds like in “Vince and the C***’s Speech”.
One-Shot Minor Characters
Characters who only appear for one episode. Lollipop
A kitten and Marion's barely-legal girlfriend.
- Culture Blind: Being only a kitten, she doesn't know any of the "forbidden lovers" of pop culture Marion brings up as examples.
- Cute Kitten: Ridiculously so.
- May–December Romance: With Marion, being the May to his December. Her episode revolves around Marion having to wait until she is the feline age of consent (four weeks) to properly date her.
- Meaningful Name: Her name sounds close to Lolita, the main child character of the novel of the same name.
- My Instincts Are Showing: She's distracted from a conversation with Marion by a ball of yarn.
- Troubling Unchildlike Behaviour: She acts very sexual towards Marion at one point, despite only being three weeks old. She also admits during their love ballad that she isn't a virgin.
Robert
A chimpanzee and former Bubbles impersonator who lost his job after Michael Jackson died. Nelson tries to revitalize his showbiz career, although this is stymied by an embarrassing personal habit.
- Glory Days: Was a Bubbles impersonator until Michael Jackson died and all the MJ impersonators (his owner included) committed suicide, leaving him out of work.
- Intelligent Primate: He's quite cultured and well-spoken, even using French when he first meets Destiny. He’s also shown making cat’s cradles, solving Rubik’s cubes and making houses of cards, demonstrating a high level of dexterity to go along with his smarts.
- "I Want" Song: "I'm Gonna Murder Justin Bieber" has Robert singing about his desire to murder various teen pop stars in retaliation for "destroying" Britain's pop music scene.
- New Media Are Evil: If his song "I'm Gonna Murder Justin Bieber" is anything to go by, he despises modern music and pop stars, Justin Bieber in particular, to the extent that he wants to kill them.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Averted - his former owner was a Michael Jackson impersonater and he himself was a Bubbles stand-in. Furthermore, his song is a very deliberate sendup of some of Michael Jackson's more soulful ballads, such as Earth Song and Will You Be There?. He even dresses in a military uniform during the song like the real Bubbles and dons the King of Pop’s signature rhinestone glove.
- Self-Abuse: Robert's defining characteristic is his habit of masturbating when under tension. It's the main thing keeping him out of a job, so Nelson tries to help him curb the habit.
- Trauma Button: Tigers and bears, since they remind him of his time touring with a Russian circus - his lowest point in life. His intended comeback at a kid's fun day at the pub goes south when the face-painted children trigger his trauma, and he goes feral and attacks them.
- Would Hurt a Child: He will if they're wearing tiger or bear face paint.
- You No Take Candle: Subverted. Nelson uses this to communicate with Rob when they first meet, leading Rob to think that Nelson has learning difficulties and respond in the same way. He considers it offensive that people assume this of him:"Oh, that's right. You assume that because I'm a chimpanzee, I must be educationally sub-normal."
