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Feebles Actors

     Heidi the Hippo
Make way for the star!

A fat, pink hippopotamus who is the star of The Feebles' Variety Hour.

Although she views herself as Bletch's girlfriend, she is completely unaware of the shallow disgust he has for her.

  • Big Eater: How she got as fat as she is. She's even worse when she's depressed.
  • Bungled Suicide: After Bletch finally dumps her, she tries to kill herself in two different ways, but fails both times—first, she tries to hang herself, only for the noose to snap under her weight. Then, she tries to shoot herself, only for Samantha to taunt her, prompting her to open fire on Samantha instead and go on a killing spree.
  • Drowning My Sorrows: With cake, of course!
  • Face–Heel Turn: After getting dumped by Bletch, she takes his machine gun and kills most of the cast. Subverted after she finally kills Bletch himself.
  • Fan Disservice: Her in lingerie. Blech! Then, she undoes her bra...
  • Gainaxing: It's a given, given her weight.
  • Graceful Loser: When Arthur tells her he has to turn her in to the police for her massacre, she is already to face it with dignity and asks him to the play her song one last time.
  • Interspecies Romance: With Bletch.
  • I Was Quite a Looker: She was once very slim and considered attractive by Bletch. As shown in the "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue, after ten years of penitentiary confinement and rehabilitation, she is once again slim and attractive.
  • Leitmotif: Has an instrumental version of "The Garden of Love" as one.
  • The Mentally Disturbed
  • My God, What Have I Done?: Right after she killed Bletch, Heidi snaps out of her current state and realizes she just murdered several innocents.
  • Pink Girl, Blue Boy: The pink to Bletch's blue.
  • Woman Scorned: See Face–Heel Turn above.

     Sidney the Elephant
"It's not mine, Sandy! You know it's not!"

A blue elephant with depression issues who is trying to dodge a paternity suit filed against him.

  • The Eeyore
  • Fat Bastard: Subverted. He is a whiny elephant who refuses to admit Seymour is his son, but he was more than willing to save his son at the cost of his own knees.
  • Who's Your Daddy?: The main part of Sidney's story within the movie is him dealing with a paternity suit.
     Harry the Hare
A white hare and the MC for the 'Fabulous Feebles Variety Hour' who is addicted to sex and ends up catching an STD for it.
     Robert the Hedgehog
Pardon me, I'm new here.
A newcomer to the Feebles troupe, Robert is a young, British hedgehog who soon starts a relationship with Lucille.
     Lucille the Poodle
Easily the best female in the movie.
A white poodle who is a member of the Feebles Chorus. She begins dating Robert and even gets engaged with him. Unfortunately, Trevor has other plans...
  • Beauty = Goodness: She is the only female character who is not designed to look repulsive, and as such is the nicest of them.
  • Break the Cutie: Trevor breaks her relationship with Robert by drugging and molesting her, tricking Robert into thinking she's having an affair. She tries to tell Robert the truth, but he ignores her and walks away, leaving the poor dog to sob at her loss. Thankfully, Robert has a change of heart in the end.
  • Cry Cute: Be honest. You wanted to hug her the moment she started crying.
  • Damsel in Distress: Comes very close to getting gunned down by Heidi.
  • Dog Stereotype: Subverted. While she is female like most fictional poodles, she is not the snobbish, Rich Bitch Psycho Poodle that you'd probably expect. And that's pretty telling, given the nature of this film.
  • Dude Magnet: Downplayed. Only two male characters show any interest in her. There's Nice Guy hedgehog Robert, her boyfriend and eventual husband, and then there's Jerkass Hate Sink rat Trevor.
  • Nice Gal: The only female with no negative characteristics. Aside from the occasional drinking, of course.
  • Screaming Woman: Twice: First when Heidi swings in with a machine-gun, and again when Robert falls out of sight after hitting Trevor.
     Samantha the Cat
Bad kitty!
Bletch's mistress, with whom he is cheating on Heidi. She and Heidi end up becoming rivals.
  • Asshole Victim: Is shot by Heidi with a machine gun.
  • Betty and Veronica: The Veronica to Heidi's Betty. Doesn't really matter, though, since Bletch has already chosen Veronica.
  • Bullying a Dragon: She taunts and insults Heidi just as the latter is about to kill herself... with a machine gun!
  • Cats Are Mean: Rude, sassy, and abhorrent, she is.
  • Chubby Chaser: She certainly seems turned on by Bletch.
  • Dark Mistress: She is Bletch's secret girlfriend, with whom he has been cheating on Heidi.
  • Fan Disservice: Her sex scenes with Bletch are... not very appealing.
  • Female Feline, Male Mutt: With Barry.
  • Getting Crap Past the Radar: An In-Universe example that overlaps with Stealth Pun: one of the lines in the theme song is "Samantha the Pussy will show you some action."
  • Small Role, Big Impact: She only appears in five scenes, but in four of them, she has a huge impact:
    • Her first scene shows that Bletch is cheating on Heidi with her.
    • Her second scene has her insult Heidi and reveal the affair, causing Heidi to go into depression and think about the good ol' days.
    • Her fourth scene has Heidi discover the affair, sending her into a depressed frenzy where she refuses to perform.
    • Her fifth and final scene has her mock Heidi as the hippo is about to shoot herself. This inspires Heidi to kill Samantha- and everyone else -instead!
  • Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: With Bletch. Pretty much a given since she's a cat and he's a walrus.
  • The Immodest Orgasm: She makes high-pitched squeaking sounds while having sex with Bletch.
  • Interspecies Romance: With Bletch.
  • Southern Belle: A villainous example.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Literally! She mocks her rival while the latter has a machine gun! Her dying was the only outcome.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: If she hadn't made fun of a suicidal Heidi, a lot of people would still be alive.
     Dennis the Aardvark
An aardvark who is a member of the Feebles' chorus. Offstage, however, he is a disgusting, panty-sniffing pervert.
  • Covert Pervert: Averted. Everyone knows who he is and what he does.
  • Fan Disservice: His sex scene with Daisy.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: Nobody seems fond of him, so it should come as no surprise when he is never mentioned again after his death.
  • Sacrificial Lamb: Bletch tests some drugs on him, and the aardvark ends up dead as a result.
     Abi the Contortionist
He will never frown!
An Indian human who works as the contortionist for the Feebles.
     Wynyard the Frog 
A knife-throwing frog that happens to be addicted to heroin and was in the Vietnam War.
That's a big needle!

  • Addled Addict: Practically a poster child for this trope. His drug problem has only gotten worse since he left Vietnam.
  • Drugs Are Bad: They've really done a number on him.
  • Expy: His voice and manner of speaking are patterned after Reverend Jim Ignatowski, a character with a similar drug problem.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: During the live show, he loses his grip on one of his throwing knives. It flies up in the air and goes right through his skull, killing him.
  • Knife-Throwing Act: He has a terrible case of the shakes and is prone to hallucinations, which can be literally fatal for his assistants.
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: He is still traumatized from his experience in Vietnam.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: He's such an unsteady hand that he kills his assistant during rehearsal.

Feebles Staff

     Sebastian the Fox
Sodomy. You must think it very odd of me...
A flamboyant fox in charge of organizing the show.

     Arthur the Worm
A worm you won't find disgusting.

An elderly worm who serves as one of the show's stage managers. He is one of the very few nice and genuinely friendly characters in the film.

  • Cool Old Guy: He sounds and acts like an elderly man, and is very friendly.
  • Everyone Has Standards: As friendly as he is, even he has to admit that F.W. Fly is a real Jerkass.
  • Nice Guy: You'll probably find yourself gushing at how sweet he is.
  • Ridiculously Cute Critter: Would you expect to find a worm so enticing?
  • Shipper on Deck: His biggest role is successfully helping the shy Robert to win the love of his crush, Lucille.
  • Smoking Is Cool: The closest thing to "bad" about him, and it isn't even that much. He seems to favor cigars, though he has never smoked one since he was 21.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: He's one of the few characters in this movie who kills anyone, completely by accident. He loses control of a barrel which ends up running over and crushing Sidney's pets.

Bletch's Gang

     Bletch the Walrus
"This is a family show, for Christ's sake!"

A dark-blue walrus who serves as the main antagonist of the film. He is the show's manager and is also the leader of a small, drug dealing mob.

Bletch met Heidi many years ago at a night club. Enticed by her voice, he offered to manage her, eventually becoming her boyfriend. However, once Heidi grew older and fatter, Bletch decided he was not attracted to her anymore. The only reason he even puts up with her is anymore because she's the main attraction!

  • Affably Evil: Despite his coarse actions throughout the film, he does have three moments that suggest this. For example, his love for Heidi, though gone, was quite endearing. He treats Arthur the Worm with respect and offers him a seat on the balcony during the premiere. And despite being a drug dealer and a murderer, even he has to draw the line at Sebastian's highly inappropriate musical number.
  • Aerith and Bob: His name is somewhat out of place compared to the other characters, as it's not a real name. It might be short for "Bletchley," but there is nothing to suggest this.
  • Amazing Technicolor Wildlife: A blue walrus? They're a thing in this universe, apparently. However, there are times where he may seem gray.
  • Asshole Victim: It's pretty hard to feel sorry for him when Heidi blows his brains out.
  • Bad Boss: Seems unfazed when Barry dies.
  • Bastard Boyfriend: Cheats on Heidi and insults her without remorse. In the climax, he lies about still loving her as a distraction so that Trevor can kill her.
  • Behind the Black: How he walks. He always stands with his tail flat on the ground, and he walks surprisingly fluently, almost human-like. We only get to see him walk from the waist up, however.
  • Cool Car: No crime lord is complete without their own limo!
  • Dark Is Evil: He's quite sinister-looking.
  • Death by Irony: He is the first character in the film to kill another, and also the last character to die. And it's caused by one of his own guns, no less!
  • Depraved Kids' Show Host: In spades! While many other characters could certainly qualify, Bletch takes the cake. When he's not working as the producer and manager at the theatre, he's dealing drugs and cheating on his girlfriend. He's also willing to kill people at even the slightest provocation.
  • The Don: The chief of a drug mob. Trevor and Barry both refer to him as "boss."
  • Easily Forgiven: All he has to do is say "I love you" to make Heidi stop bawling. So much so, that it (almost) saves his life in the end.
  • Evil Eyebrows: He almost always has a rather angry look on his face.
  • Evil vs. Evil: Him and his gang against Mr. Big and his gang. Bletch comes out on top, of course.
  • Famous Last Words: "Oh shit."
  • Fat Bastard: About as fat as Heidi, and is without a doubt the worst man a woman could ask for.
  • Furry Reminder: He's a walrus, and in one scene, he remorselessly devours a fish character.
  • Gold-Colored Superiority: Downplayed. The shirt for his tuxedo is gold in color.
  • Gonk: Bletch is deliberately ugly and unappealing in order to emphasize his villainy.
  • Greed: He'll do anything for money; drug deals, porn flicks, manipulating Heidi. As long as it puts cash on his desk, he's all game for it.
  • Half-Dressed Cartoon Animal: Justified. As a walrus, he has no legs, just a tail. Therefore, he can only wear the top half of his suit.
  • Hypocrite: He dumps Heidi for her weight, despite being rather heavy himself.
  • Idiot Ball: He's smart enough to test the drugs he's given, but not smart enough to run away from Heidi, even when she's on the ground and he's in a balcony!
  • Interspecies Romance: With Heidi, and later Samantha.
  • Large and in Charge: The tallest member of his gang and the leader as well. He's also the manager of the theatre.
  • The Leader: Of a Terrible Trio of mobsters.
  • Man of Wealth and Taste: Except for the golf scene, he is always wearing a suit of sorts.
  • Murder Is the Best Solution: Annoyed by a singing fish? Eat him. Find out someone wrote a nasty newspaper article about one of your employees? Flush him down the toilet. Feel that your TV show is in danger of being ruined by a gay fox? Ask your right-hand man to kill him.
  • Obviously Evil: It's hard to look at him and not see a villain.
  • Oh, Crap!: His reaction when he sees the Giant Spider.
  • Pantsless Males, Fully-Dressed Females: As stated above, he does not wear pants. However, both of his love interests- Heidi and Samantha -wear full dresses with shoes.
  • Pet the Dog: As mentioned in Affably Evil, he treats Arthur nicely.
  • Pink Girl, Blue Boy: Blue to Heidi's pink.
  • Serious Business: He takes the show he works on very seriously, to the point where he is willing to sadistically murder people just to protect it.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: "Shit" seems to be his favorite word.
  • Tailfin Walking: Averted. Unlike most anthropomorphic walruses, his tail is long. While his walking is quite human and is always seen from the waist up, we can assume he gets around by either slithering or inching.
  • Terrible Trio: With Trevor and Barry.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: So Heidi helped you fulfill your goal to get a TV show picked up? Well, nothing left to do but fire the old girl, huh?
  • Vanity License Plate: On the front and the back! It says "BLETCH1."
  • Villain Protagonist: Much of the film is dedicated to him and his drug business. In fact, at the film's one-hour mark, some may even see him as a Spotlight Stealing Character.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: When the Giant Spider tries to kill him, he exclaims, "I hate arachnids!"
  • Wily Walrus: Bletch is a sadistic walrus who runs a drug mob and abuses his girlfriend.
  • You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: A non-lethal variant: after Heidi's performance earns the Feebles a syndicated series, Bletch decides he doesn't need her anymore. So he both dumps and fires her! At the same time!
  • Your Cheating Heart: His very first scene shows that he has been cheating on Heidi for quite some time now.

     Trevor the Rat
"You may be "Wobert" to your friends, but you're fly shit to me! Piss off!"

A gray rat who acts as Bletch's right-hand man.

  • The Dragon: To Bletch.
  • Jerkass: And how!
  • Kick the Dog: Mistreats Heidi, Robert, Lucille, and Arthur.
  • Knight of Cerebus: Pretty much every scene with him is especially dark. Probably the only two times you'll find yourself laughing at him is when he's filming his porno and when he dies.
  • Laser-Guided Karma: His actions towards Lucille infuriate Robert, so the hedgehog decides to teach Trevor a lesson in the climax by knocking him over, allowing Heidi the chance to rid the world of the monster known as Trevor.
  • Ludicrous Gibs: Trevor's death consists of this.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: His voice is very much based on Peter Lorre.
  • Villainous Crush: On Lucille.
  • You Dirty Rat!: The living embodiment of this trope! He murders people, deals drugs, shoots pornos, and even tries to rape one of his boss's own employees! Robert even calls him a dirty rat!

     Barry the Bulldog

A bulldog who works for Bletch.

Mr. Big's Gang

     Mr. Big the Whale
A whale who serves as a drug supplier to Bletch. Like Bletch, he is the leader of a mob, albeit a considerably larger one.
  • Artistic License – Biology: He looks more like a dinosaur than a whale. His teeth also don't look right.
  • Ass Shove: Inverted. Bletch and Trevor kill him by driving through his insides and tearing out of his anus, ripping a hole in his tail. Word of God confirms that the whale dies from this.
  • The Don: Like Bletch, he is the leader of a drug mob.
  • Evil Laugh: Delivers one as he attempts to kill Bletch and Trevor.
  • Final Boss: The last baddie Bletch has to deal with during his journey with Trevor.
  • The Ghost: Subverted when he shows up during the docks scene.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: He tries to kill Bletch and Trevor by eating them, but they drive out of his anus and end up killing him.
  • Informed Species: Word of God says he's a whale, but he doesn't look like one. He's obviously some sort of big sea creature, but his sharp teeth and scaly-looking skin don't seem particularly whale-like.
  • Irony: His last words to Bletch and Trevor are "Kiss you ass goodbye". Moments later, he dies by having his own ass ripped out by Bletch's car.
  • Large and in Charge: A whale who leads a drug mob of his own. Word of God says he was the biggest puppet in the film, at 20 feet long.
  • Large Ham: Has a deep, booming voice due to his size.
  • Meaningful Name: He's a whale. Enough said.
  • Scary Teeth: Comes with the Artistic License.
     Cedric the Warthog
Mr. Big's right-hand man. He sells Bletch drugs and is also the leader of his own gang of crabs.
  • Benevolent Boss: Implied. While he isn't so nice to Louie, he does get along with a crab in one scene, and even seems royally pissed off when said crab is run over by Bletch and Co.
  • The Dragon: To Mr. Big.
  • Dropped a Bridge on Him: His death consists of Barry stabbing him in the chest. That's it.
  • Hidden Depths: He actually enjoys golf and shows interest in joining the local club.
  • Messy Pig: A warthog who deals drugs and mentions killing and dry-humping somebody.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot
  • Verbal Tic: He seems quite fond of the word "bastard." It's even one of his dying words!
  • Violent Glaswegian: An explicitly Scottish, thuggish drug dealer.
     Louie the Dog
"It's 100% pure, uncut!"
Cedric's agent who sells Bletch borax, telling him it's cocaine.

  • Beat Bag: The "cocaine" he brings to Bletch is actually borax, a substance that can be purchased as laundry detergent.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: He tried to kill Bletch by tricking him into snorting borax. When the walrus finds out, he kills Louie by making him eat the borax.
  • I'm Melting!: How he meets his end.
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: Is killed in his biggest scene.
     The Crabs
Attack Its Weak Point for massive damage!
A gang of crabs who work for Cedric.
     The Spider
Going somewhere?
A huge spider who is, from the looks of it, helping Cedric load some crates of drugs onto a ship.


     F.W. Fly
What's the scoop?
A fly working as a paparazzo that writes all kinds of stories of the Feebles cast.
     The Fish
"Is something the matter, Mr. Bletch?"
A small fish who tries to audition for the Feebles. It... doesn't go well.
     Dr. Quack the Duck
"I'll send ya my bill."
A duck doctor who examines Harry.

     Madame Bovine and the Masked Masochist 
A cow and a cockroach respectively, who are actors in Trevor's porn films

     Tribble-like Creatures
"It took me six months to train that lot!"
Small tribble-like creatures that Sidney trained for his upcoming act... they get crushed by a barrel thanks to Arthur's clumsiness.
  • Body Horror: They end up becoming crushed, bloody meat thanks to an out-of-control barrel.
  • Cartoon Creature: Unlike the other animal characters, they don't seem to be based off any real type of animals.
  • Expy: Of the tribbles from Star Trek: The Original Series.
  • No Name Given: They aren't named or referred to as anything. Fans refer to them as "Tribble-like creatures".
  • The Speechless: The creatures don't speak, they instead make cooing and squeaking sounds.
  • Small, Annoying Creature: They get up to mischief when left unattended, they also bother Sidney to no end.
  • Squashed Flat: They are flattened by an out-of-control barrel as soon as Sidney kicks them out of his room.
  • There Is No Kill Like Overkill: All of the creatures are flattened by a barrel and then have their corpses digested by Trevor.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Instead of thinking to jump out of the way, the creatures head straight into the rolling barrel. Justified, as they are unknown, tiny animals.
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: They manage to survive for seventeen and a half minutes in the movie before being killed in the only scene where they are prominent.

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