Yogurt given sentience, and incredible intelligence to boot, who ultimately does more in ten-years than what humanity has done across its entire existence.
- The Ace: Never makes a single mistake, easily handles issues the rest of the world constantly struggles with, and is an all-around perfect being...Who just so happens to be made of yogurt.
- Ambiguously Evil: Throughout the episode, it solves the United States'(and later, the world's) economic issues, solves the rest of its issues along the way, and turn it into a peaceful paradise. Despite this, it also acts quite shady in how it does this, seems to be hiding sinister implications, and has plans to leave the world behind entirely.
- Batman Gambit: Seemed to predict that Congress would ultimately screw up, which leads to it taking control.
- Big Good: By the end of the episode, it has more or less fixed every major issue that hassles humans today.
- Big Bad: Despite this, it's more than likely that this was all for its own gain considering its plans to leave Earth behind, meaning it very well could have only helped us in order to help itself, and once it's gone, it's unlikely the world would last very long.
- China Takes Over the World: Very well could have let this happen had the United States not agreed to its terms.
- Greater-Scope Villain: If the end of the episode is anything to go by, it may very well be planning to take control of the rest of the universe now that it's done so with Earth.
- Saving the World: Over the course of ten years, it seems to solve just about every major issue plaguing the world, ultimately saving it from its own demise.
- Serious Business: When the leaders of the United States rightfully laugh at the fact it wanted Ohio as part of their allegiance agreement, it quick to make it clear just how serious it's demands truly are.
- Surrounded by Idiots: Consistently showcased to be the most intelligent being in the episode, and possibly across the whole series.
- Synthetic Voice Actor: The yogurt once brought to life utilizes both male and female text-to-speech voices overlapping one another.
- Take Over the World: By the end of the episode, he has seemingly gained control over not only the United States, but the entire world, only to imply it may be attempting to leave it soon enough.
- You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: After saving the world from itself, it's implied that it only did so in the first place in order to have the resources needed to leave it.
- "But, when we weren't laughing about the absurdity of it all, we asked ourselves, "How did we ever get to the point where we were, in fact, ruled by a dairy product?" Oh, as a matter of record, we knew how it happened."
- The Ditz: The population of Earth as a whole is represented as incompetent, lazy, idiotic, and downright nonsensical, especially when compared to the yogurt.
- The Fool: Constantly makes rather ridiculous decisions throughout the episode that only further bring into questioning how the Hell the species has survived for as long as it has.
- Too Dumb to Live: Considering just how terribly the people of the planet handle its problems, it's practically asking to destroy itself.
- Underdogs Never Lose: Ultimately, despite their clear lack of common sense, by the end of the episode they're all better off than they were before.
- "We will!"
The... President of the United States.
- The Ditz: Considering he singlehandedly ended up screwing over the economy of the United States (with the exception of Ohio) despite being given clear instructions on how to solve the economic crisis, it's made pretty clear he isn't very bright.
- The Leader: The president and chief decision maker of the United States of America...At least until he hands his position over to yogurt.
- Lethally Stupid: His own incompetence at his job almost brought an end to the entire country after all.
- Pride: Seems to believe that he could handle solving the economic issues of the USA without needing to listen to everything the yogurt told him. He thought wrong.
- Small Role, Big Impact: Really isn't all that important when you really think about it, but it's his very screw-ups that leads to the yogurt ultimately taking over the United States.
- Too Dumb to Live: Somehow manages to screw over his entire country's economy over a very small period of time... Despite being given instructions how to not do that.
The very team that ended up bringing the yogurt to life in the first place.
- Small Role, Big Impact: Has about 20 seconds of total screentime across all of them, and yet they're the ones who brought the yogurt to life in the first place.
- The Smart Guy: Represented as such for the planet as a whole, being the only humans in the entire episode not portrayed as completely idiotic.
- "When the yogurt took over, we all made the same jokes."
The narrator of the episode, and the one who recalls all of the events of the story.
- Casting Gag: The voice actor for The Brain from Pinky and the Brain narrates a story in which something akin to an Uplifted Animal takes over the world.
- Deadpan Snarker: He's played by Maurice LaMarche , what are you expecting?
- Exposition: The entire episode essentially just revolves around him describing how humanity got to where it is in the first place.
- Narrator: Obviously.
- OOC Is Serious Business: Seems genuinely worried at the thought of the yogurt abandoning Earth for it's own plans, especially when compared to his rather melancholy tone throughout the rest of the episode.