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Characters / Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark

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Main Characters

These are the characters whose stories are recorded in the AAR proper. With some exceptions, all of these are played directly by Phargle.

    Prince Knud Knytling of Denmark 

     Count/Duke Valdemar 


    Duke Knud/ Kund II 
"I'm Knud Knýtling, the 2nd Duke of Skåne. Valdemar was my great-uncle."
"My turn-ons include getting my hair done and giving away my money to poor people."
"My turn-offs include war, bald men, and it being illegal to kill my wife."

    Duchess Marguerite Knytling (née de Nevers) 
'"This is Bjørn Knýtling, the 3rd duke of Skåne. He is the son of Knud Knýtling, the 2nd duke of Skåne, who was the adopted heir of the first duke, Valdemar Knýtling and the great-grandson of Valdemar's father, Knud Svendson Knýtling, prince of Denmark. It's a complicated story. ''

"I am Marguerite de Nevers, the boy's mother and the widowed duchess of Skåne.Knud got me pregnant. Then he died, which was probably the nicest thing he ever did for me."

    King Bjørn 
"I'm Bjørn, king of Norway and Sweden and duke of Skåne, son of Knud, adopted son of Valdemar, son of Prince Knud, son of the king of Denmark."

    King Knud I/ Knud III 
I am the very model of / a just and wise crusader king...
- First stanza of King Knud's introduction.

    King Erik of Norway 

  • Beige Prose: He would really be at home in the Laconic Wiki.
  • Character Death: Assassinated anticlimactically.
  • Haiku: All his entries are like this.
  • Two-Chapter Wonder: He dies three years after becoming king.
    • Theme Naming: There's a reason his chapter is called "The Momentary Adventures of King Erik".
  • What Could Have Been: The departing statements, made by King Niels:
    "And I would have liked to have known you/ But I was just your kin.
    Assassins murdered you before/ Your legend could begin."

    King Niels I 

    King Rolf 

    King Niels II 

    Duke Magnus The Scion 

    Prince Knud Skytte/Knytling of Aragon; later King Knud 

    King Tyke 
"I'm Tyke Knýtling. <pronoun> <verb, past> this <reflexive pronoun>."

    King Bretislav 

    King Sambor 
When King Bretislav kicked the bucket - it sucked
His Western Slav son (little Sambor) was plucked
From Norwegian obscurity where he was tucked
To assume the position for royal conduct!

To twin with his kin, if you know what I mean
So he twinned her, he spinned her, he pinned her, and then -
''We're PG-13, but you know where he's been!

phargle: I officially hate each and every one of you.

    Queen Judith 
This Swedish count serving a Catalan king of England in France surrender to me, a Polish Queen of Spain, without a fight.
"In a far-away land in a far-away time, there lived a princess. In her sun-lit kingdom, the beautiful princess was never expected to do anything awful like expel Jews from Spain because her uncle Blazej is some sort of hateful man-troll."​

  • Accidental Innuendo: Prone to this.
  • Arch-Enemy: Her step-uncle Blazej, who also happens to be her Evil Chancellor. Also potentially her suitor.
  • Call-Back: Seeing a King of Bohemia named Valdemar, Judith looks up her ancestor Valdemar Knytling. [[Her reaction is appropriate.
    I spanked Ulrich hard and then he paid me. Now I've done something that isn't in Valdemar's hist-
    No, wait. There it is.
  • Diary: Her later chapters take his form after one too many innuendos uttered in court. It soon descends into Fan Fic-tier writing:
    "There was once an evil troll man-thing named... Jezalb. Jezalb was a horrible beast who was very jealous of beautiful princesses and always tried to make them miserable. That was the only way he could be happy. So he found a wonderful princess and tried to make her miserable, even though she was quite successful at everything she did and really had no reason to be miserable at all. Everybody loved her except for Blazej— I mean Jezalb— except for Jezalb. Even when the wonderful princess did something amazing, for instance become Queen of Denmark, not that there is a Denmark in this story but we're just talking hypotheticals anyway, Jezalb would try to make her feel shameful and awful by denigrating her success. 'You're such a scrawny and awful girl,' Jezalb would say. 'There's no way that dress will stay up,' Jezalb would say. 'Why don't you bend over and pick up that handkerchief,' Jezalb would say. Except the princess was not scrawny at all and all of her dresses fit perfectly because her bosom was just the right size. Also, there was a unicorn. The end."
  • The Good Queen: Chaste, a high Martial Score, unified the Spanish Peninsula and expanded into France, Burgundy, Italy and Africa and The Byzantium Empire and who unfortunately is prone to the occasional Accidental Innuendo.
  • Ms. Fanservice: in later chapters:
    Blazej is becoming very stressed! It might be because of me. I'm timing my morning bath for when he is likely to walk by. My plan is to give him a heart attack.

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl. She was blonde and slim, and always wore fine dresses and blank expressions that hid her inner sadness. You see, the girl lived a difficult life beset by many challenges: being a perfect queen; wicked step-uncles pawing at her; age stealing her beauty; hard struggles with chastity; softer struggles with Chastity, an emissary from Lesbos; war; more war; even more war; the burdens of destiny that forced her to do as her crooked forebears wished. For a very long time, she was depressed by her troubles and sought to escape by writing about her life. Her characters were always wonderful and suffered none of her problems, but they never made her happy no matter how perfect she tried to make them. In fact, they just made her more and more sad the more perfect they became, because it reminded her of her own flaws. And so she lived a life of isolation, sadness, and depression. The only bright spot of joy she ever experienced was the news that her wicked step-uncle had died in some sort of accident involving a harness, the Duchess of Bergslagen, and three carrots. It wasn't until the princess took the advice of a long-dead ancestor, advice hidden deep within a history book, that she found true bliss, and the advice was this: every problem can be solved by killing it or having sex with it. Also, there was a unicorn. The end."

    King George/Jirí 
This image doesn't fit the storyline at all, so I'd like to remind you that I'm married to a relative.
We're having sex.
It's incest!
My reputation returns to respectability, no doubt because of all the incest I'm having.

    King Stephen 

Other Characters

Courtiers, Dukes, Kings, Emperors - These characters are encountered by Knud's bloodline as they progress throughout the game. May or may not be of the Knytling dynasty.

     Adolf Knytling 

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