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Player Classes

Muscle Classes

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    Seal Clubber 
Mighty warriors who hail from the frigid northlands (because one character class always does) that use clubs in battle and rely on their sheer power to overwhelm foes. They also make excellent meatsmiths and are the only player class who can use Fury.
  • Agony of the Feet: The purpose of their "Club Foot" skill.
  • An Ice Person: That whole "hailing from the frigid northlands" thing isn't just for show. They learn several cold element skills as they level up.
  • The Berserker: They alone can use Fury (accumulated after every successful fight) to fuel powerful skills.
  • The Blacksmith: They specialize in crafting new weaponry, and their final skill unlock lets them smash enchanted weapons into useful raw components.
  • Demon Slaying: Like their namesake suggests, they club seals. Seals in Kingdom of Loathing are pretty much demonic beasts, even the baby ones.
  • Dual Wielding: Can do this once they've learned the "Double Fisted Skull Smashing" skill.
  • Heroes Prefer Swords: But Seal Clubbers prefer clubs. However, there is a skill that allows them to wield swords as clubs by holding them upside down by the blade. The skillbook that granted it was only purchasable for one day in 2010, and the supply looks about how you'd expect.
  • No Mere Windmill: Seal Clubbers have a fierce vendetta against seals, which seems ridiculous until you learn that the Hellseals of Loathing are demonic spawn of evil that want to destroy all humanity
  • Regenerating Health: Many of their skills grant some form of this.
  • The Berserker: Stores fury with every successful battle that can be expended for powerful skills.
  • Throwing Your Sword Always Works: The "Harpoon!" skill. It always works because they take the time to bend your weapon into a more hydrodynamic shape (and subsequently bend it back once they're done).
  • Weapon of Choice: Clubs. As mentioned above, swords can also count with a specific skill.
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    Turtle Tamer 
Powerful shaman like fighters who have developed a strong bond with turtles and other reptiles. Most of their abilities focus on using their many turtle themed skills and items to boost their own stats as well as the stats of other players.
  • The Beastmaster: Which is what many of their skills focus on.
  • The Blacksmith: The only ones capable of crafting powerful armors.
  • Defend Command: "Shell Up" not only protects the Turtle Tamer against the opponent's next attack, it also hurts the opponent (or has another effect depending on Blessings).
  • Druid: When each class received a rework and new skills, they gained the ability to channel ancient turtle spirits.
  • Groin Attack: Their "Kneebutt" skill.
  • Head Pet: They start out with a Helmet Turtle, which is a turtle that can be worn on their head as a helmet. Several other turtles can be found and used as helmets, and wearing a turtle as a helmet even increases the power of "Headbutt".
  • Shield Bash: One of the special techniques they can unlock.
  • Status Buff: A specialty of theirs (shared with Saucerors and Accordion Thieves).
  • Use Your Head: They can learn a powerful headbutt skill.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Their communion with turtles lets them learn to appreciate pizza more than other classes.
  • Turtle Power: Some of their abilities allow them to channel the power of turtles to aid them in combat, and one of their abilities is even named this, which causes them to become a Turtle Spirit Incarnate.
  • Weapon of Choice: Flails.

Mysticality Classes

    Pastamancer 
A master of all manner of pasta-based spellcraft and sorcery. The Pastamancer is deadly with all manner of lethal noodle spells and can summon special thralls to aid them in combat. Their skill and appreciation of pasta is so great that eating certain kinds will even grant them extra daily adventures.
  • Abnormal Ammo: Their spells fire pasta filled with all sorts of bizarre things, depending on the (normally randomly-generated) element of the attack, like cannelloni filled with burning coals, or ravioli shurikens full of motor oil, 2% milk, and werewolf spit. This has shades of The Artifact: before a revamp of the class spells in 2008, their attack spells were generic parodies of wizard spells (Minor Ray of Something, eXtreme Ray of Something, and Cone of Whatever) which used to shoot the weird items directly, instead of being in pasta shells.
  • Elemental Powers: all their spells can randomly be of any of the game's five main elements, or can be attuned to always be of one particular element. The attunement can be changed or removed between battles.
  • Mundane Utility: Outside of combat, it turns out that the ability to summon pasta means you never have to buy pasta.
  • Necromancer: Their Pasta Thralls are spirits bound into physical bodies (made of various forms of pasta) by the Pastamancer.
  • Supreme Chef: When it comes to pasta, these guys can't be beat.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Pasta, of course. They get bonuses from eating pasta dishes like mana regeneration.
  • Weapon of Choice: Utensils, especially pasta forks. At higher levels, they learn to wield powerful chefstaves.
  • Whatevermancy: In addition to their name, they alone can learn the "Tempuramancy" skill.

    Sauceror 
The defensive counterpart to the Pastamancer and a master of any and every type of sauce imaginable. As you'd expect from sauce mages they are skilled at crafting potion items and are also experts at casting debilitating curses on their enemies.
  • Barrier Warrior: Saucerors can conjure up "Saucespheres" (force-fields made of sauce) that have a variety of effects, from damage reduction to elemental resistance to damaging attacking enemies.
  • Elemental Powers: Unlike the Pastamancer, which can cast spells with all elements, (albeit randomly) Saucerors are limited to hot- and cold-aligned attacks, but with more control over which element they're using. Most of their attack spells are always one specific element, one spell always hits with both elements, and their most powerful attack spell automatically attunes itself when you cast it to do the most damage possible.
  • High-Class Glass: Their Sauce Monocles. Yes, you read that right.
  • Status Buff: Along with Accordion Thieves, Saucerors can cast some of the best buffs in the game on fellow players.
  • Supreme Chef: Only Saucerors can make the tastiest sauces in the kingdom.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Anything made with sauce. They even have a skill that grants them bonus adventures from sauce-based foods.
  • Weapon of Choice: Saucepans. The better the saucepan, the longer their buffs last. They're also the other class that gets access to chefstaves, although they need a special glove to handle them.
  • Your Soul Is Mine: Via "Soulsaucery", they can absorb the souls of fallen monsters to fuel their sauce magic.

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Moxie Classes

    Disco Bandit 
The Discos Bandits are skillful rogues who use their deadly (and often underhanded) dance techniques to confuse and weaken their foes. When not stealing loot or showing off their moves this class enjoys the ability to make the highest level booze items with their super advanced cocktailcrafting skills.
  • Combat Pragmatist: With moves like "Disco Eye-Poke" and "Disco Face-Stab". If it's an underhanded method of hurting someone, you can bet you'll find it somewhere on the Disco Bandit's skill list.
  • Combos: A lot of the class' methods of attacks involve this. Building up "Disco Momentum" via their dance attacks will strengthen the effects of other skills, and they can also learn a suite of "Rave skills" from the Nemesis quest chain, which produce unique effects (such as stunning or stat boosts) when used in certain orders.
  • Dance Battler: They have several skills based around their dancing, and can learn skills that give bonuses for using their Disco Dance of Doom skills. They can also learn Rave skills that give bonuses from performing Rave Combos.
  • Eye Scream: Their "Disco Eye Poke" skill.
  • Gargle Blaster: They alone can make the most potent alcoholic drinks. With the right ingredients a high level Disco Bandit can even craft outright evil drinks. Cocktails don't get much more powerful than that.
  • Heroic Ambidexterity: "Ambidextrous Funkslinging" allows Disco Bandits to use two combat items per turn
  • Impossible Thief: One of their guild's own quests involves them stealing their own pants, without themselves noticing. Somehow.
  • Knife Nut: They have several skills that invoke this, including a skill that lets them get a free new knife weapon once per day.
  • Playing with Fire: "Disco Inferno", in which the Disco Bandit breaks into a dance that's allegedly so hot it produces actual flames.
  • Umbrella Drink: They specialize in making these, which the game dubs "fruity girl drinks." They can even get evil paper umbrellas to make evil fruity girl drinks.
  • Weapon of Choice: Banjos, though they also use knives a lot in their skills. It used to be crossbows, back when they had the skill Crossbow Fever (which gave passive damage to all crossbows).

    Accordion Thief 
Accordion thieves are much like Disco Bandits when it comes to sneaking and thievery, though their secondary skills focus on music and singing instead of dancing. In addition to being able to steal and use accordions, they have the unique ability of sneaking into the other two guilds and shopping at their stores.
  • Brown Note: "Sing", their starting combat skill, of the Glass-Shattering Sound variety.
    • Regular accordion attacks tend to be this of the "Psychological harm" variety, causing your opponents physical damage through sheer musical badness. Sometimes, the hit messages will insist that it's the resonant frequencies, not the quality of your playing, but other times they'll outright say that the damaged was caused by the monster banging its elbow trying to cover its ears.
  • Everyone Has Standards: Or more rather, Accordion Thieves don't. No other character class is willing to play songs on a stolen accordion (or even equip one) except them. This gives them exclusive access to the best instruments in the game.
  • Impossible Thief: Pretty much the same deal as Disco Bandits. When your class is named the Accordion Thief you know you've gotta be good at stealing stuff.
    • They're also the only classes that even notice, let alone steal, the accordions held by various monsters around the Kingdom—accordions which aren't depicted in the art, and which (unlike pickpocketing) they can steal with a 100% success rate, even after the monster notices them.
  • Musical Assassin: They use several deadly music-based attacks in combat.
  • Spoony Bard: Prior to the class overhaul, Accordion Thieves had no skills designed to inflict direct damage, which put them quite low on the tier list. Nowadays, they lean more towards Lethal Joke Character.
  • Status Buff: Along with Saucerors, they have some of the best buffing skills in the game. Of note is the Ode To Booze, widely agreed upon as one of the most useful skills in the game, as it gives extra adventures per drunkenness acquired—including overdrunk drunkenness—at the cost of only MP.
  • Tap on the Head: Accordion Bash, which stuns your opponent by whacking them over the head with a heavy accordion. Even if it's actually a very light accordion.
  • Weapon of Choice: Accordions.

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Legendary Figures

    Boris 
The mightiest warrior in the Kingdom Of Loathing from the times of old. As such he is seen as a godlike figure to most players of the Muscle classes.
  • Big Eater: He can eat far more than a regular player can. Similarly, his holiday is a massive feast that temporarily increases the amount of food players can consume.
  • Boisterous Bruiser: His skills all revolve around fighting, feasting, and shouting.
  • Can't Hold His Liquor: Counter-balancing his Big Eater tendencies, he gets drunk very quickly.
  • Characterization Marches On: The Spirit of Boris as seen in the old version of the Sorceress' Tower spoke calmly and casually ("Howdy. I'm the Spirit of Boris, and I'm here to help you."), compared to the bombastic and faux-Elizabethan speech he started using in the Avatar of Boris path.
  • Fighter, Mage, Thief: The Fighter of the trio, being a mighty warrior worshipped by the Muscle based classes.
  • Final Boss: Of the Avatar of Jarlsberg path.
  • Half the Man He Used to Be: His "Bifurcating Blow" skill does this to enemies. It instantly kills regular enemies and does massive damage to bosses, but forces a lengthy cooldown period afterwards.
  • Hidden Depths: Before his boss fight in the Avatar of Jarlsberg path, Jarlsberg accuses him of being a Dumb Jock that was Born Lucky. Boris's response is rather sobering:
    "Look, old friend, do you not know that I must lift weights for hours a day to maintain my manly physique? That I moderate my alcohol intake, though I thirst mightily for it, to stay sharp in battle? That I exercise my diaphragm to add heft to my manly bellow? In the same way you earned your magical abilities, I earned my muscle. And unlike you, I must diligently exercise my muscle, or it will leave me and I will be nothing. In a way, I envy you."
  • Noodle Incident: Once did a prank involving seal guts to Jarlsberg. The latter didn't know about it.
  • Screaming Warrior: Boris has an entire skill tree dedicated to yelling. It's so effective he can make monsters flee the game itself.
  • Throwing Your Sword Always Works: Or rather, his axe, with the aptly named "Throw Trusty" skill.
  • Weapon of Choice: His trusty axe, Trusty.

    Jarlsberg 
The greatest Chef-Mage to have ever lived in the Kingdom Of Loathing who was a master of both magic and food. He is revered by the Mysticality classes.
  • The Archmage: He describes himself as "the world's mightiest mage, the greatest mind of his or any age, the sorcerer spoken of in hushed tones as Jarlsberg the Magnificent", and he certainly can back his talk.
  • Characterization Marches On: In the old version of Sorceress' Tower, the spirit of Jarlsberg had a friendly but bland personality ("Hello, young adventurer. I'm the Spirit of Jarlsberg, and I am here to assist you in your quest."). When the Avatar of Jarlsberg came around, he became a whiny neat freak with a nasal voice.
  • Fighter, Mage, Thief: The Mage of the trio, being a powerful mage worshipped by the Mysticality based classes.
  • Final Boss: Of the Avatar of Sneaky Pete path.
  • Neat Freak: He frequently complains about germs, and for this reason refuses to eat anything that he hasn't prepared himself.
  • Nerd: Explicitly described as such by the game.
  • Noodle Incident: He apparently once got really drunk and turned a kitten into a demon. Possibly the one who you end up doing a fetch quest for in Hey Deze for the items that increase your liver/stomach/spleen max limit, given the items involved.
  • Supreme Chef: The supreme chef of his and any age. He can conjure and make some of the best foods in the game by himself.
  • Take That!: A surprising subtle pair of examples: Besides being the stereotypical nerd, he had a fair bit of resentment toward his friends, even though they were nothing but kind to him, namely becuse Boris was atheltic and surroudned by women while Sneaky Pete had loads of admirers, and Jarlsberg had no one really. The scenario mirrors the resentment nerdy kids may have toward their atheltic and or cool peers who have alot of friends while they don't. Boris and Pete both set Jarlsberg straight and with a surprising amount of kindness and patience: Boris reminds Jarlsberg he has to exercise to maintian his physique and remain pretty sober for his health and unlike Jarlsberg's mind, Boris' muscles would fade without this this. Sneaky Pete meanwhile tells Jarlsberg that people liked him because he liked them and made them feel welcome while Jarlsberg devoted his time to studying. It's a compelling showcase on looking at things from the opposing perspective.
  • The Resenter: As the Avatar paths revealed, Jarlsberg harbored some resentment to his traveling companions and friends, Boris and Sneaky Pete. He resented Boris for his strength and power and Sneaky Pete for his charisma. However, when he actually voices it, both kindly explain to him why and how they got to where they were in terms of strength and charisma.
  • Wizard Classic: His archetype.

    Sneaky Pete 
The greatest thief the Kingdom Of Loathing has ever seen (which is really saying something given what the common thieves can do) and patron saint of sneakiness and coolness. He is worshipped mainly by the Moxie classes.
  • Badass Biker: During his challenge path, instead of using familiars players will be given access to Pete's motorcycle, which can be upgraded with special parts.
  • Characterization Marches On: As with the other two, the original version of Sneaky Pete had more emphasis on "Sneaky", being portrayed as a weaselly criminal type ("Oh, uhh, hey. I'm the Spirit of Sneaky Pete, and I've got some goods you need, see?") rather than as the epitome of cool.
  • Cool Shades: Never seen without them.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: He apparently set up the entirety of the Avatar of Boris path's events just to get back at Boris for being a lousy wingman.
  • Expy: Heavily based on the Fonz.
  • Famous Last Words: After being beaten in the Avatar of Boris path, he attempts to go out by saying "Either these curtains go, or I go", but ends up croaking before he can finish.
  • Fighter, Mage, Thief: The Thief of the trio, being a suave thief worshipped by the Moxie based classes.
  • Final Boss: Of the Avatar of Boris challenge path.
  • Hidden Depths: After defeating Jarlsberg in the Final Boss, he gives some pretty soulful words on why people liked him to Jarlsberg.
    "J...hey, man, look. I wasn't born cool. People didn't like me because I had some natural 'cool' gland spitting out pheromones or something. Dude, people liked me because I liked them. I listened to people. I was friendly, outgoing, funny. I enjoyed being around people and I made them feel special." "Sure, I could punch-start a jukebox, and I had an awesome motorcycle, but what really made me cool was that I reached out to those around me. You were too busy learning the eldritch secrets of the universe to do that. You picked your path, bro."
  • Impossible Thief: He is the greatest thief to have ever lived, which is truly impressive given what the Kingdom's common thieves can do.
  • Meaningful Name: A "sneaky pete" refers to a cheap or homemade liquor mixed with a narcotic. The holiday associated with him is based on booze.
  • Percussive Maintenance: One of his skills can do this, ala Fonzie.
  • Pet the Dog: Besides giving a rather heartfelt speech to Jarlsberg about why he was cool, he reassured his friend he was cool, in regards to his magic.
  • Pyro Maniac: Not explicitly stated, but Pete can conjure up a near limitless supply of firebombs.
  • Rule-Abiding Rebel: In-Universe - in his challenge path, the Studio Audience wants you to be one of these. Therefore, doing things that are actually rebellious (namely, pickpocketing) causes them to be taken aback.
  • Studio Audience: One of the main mechanics of his challenge path is that one of these will be watching over you, reacting with either love or hate depending on what you do. Both audience hate and love can be used to gain various advantages.

Bosses

Quest Bosses

    The Bonerdagon 
A skeletal dragon that is the source of the corruption in the misspelled cemetary, and is therefore responsible for all the powerful undead that lurk the corners of the cyrpt. Killing it is the only way to cleanse the corruption.
  • Accidental Misnaming: A common joke on the forums is how people perpetually misread its name as "Boner dragon" when in reality there's only one "r"
  • Art Shift: Received an art update alongside several other bosses. Probably the most notable case because of how drastically the art changed.
  • Dracolich: It's just a skeleton. It can also reassemble itself after being defeated, as seen in the Actually Ed challenge path.
  • Unfortunate Names: Was presumably "Bonedragon" before the cemetary became misspelled.

    Ed The Undying 
An ancient mummy who guards the Holy McGuffin that you seek. After an endless series of fetch quests and general errand running you finally fight him deep within his pyramid in the Desert Beach. True to his name, he takes several turns and adventures before finally being defeated for good and allowing the player to take the McGuffin.
  • Already Done for You / Already Undone for You: In his Special Challenge Path, most of the quests are the latter, with Ed having to re-do the same things the player did, but the Holy Macguffin quest and the final quest are already finished (with Ed able to just walk in and re-distribute them to the three guardians, skipping most of the puzzles and all of the boss fights, and the Tower already entirely completed). Both tropes are subverted in that all of the other bosses are still presumed to be dead, but you have to fight analogs of them anyway.
  • And I Must Scream: After reducing him to a pile of living body parts the player sweeps him out of the way and leaves him stuck at the bottom of the pyramid. As shown in his Special Challenge Path, this is ultimately subverted-killing him just sends him through the Underworld for a brief time.
  • Clipped-Wing Angel: each phase of Ed the Undying is objectively weaker than the previous phase, due to his hp being slashed in half each new phase.
  • Dueling Player Characters: In the "Actually Ed the Undying" challenge path, you play as Ed, and the Final Boss is the player character from your previous Ascenscion.
  • Implacable Man: No matter how much damage he takes, he still keeps trying to kill you. Even when you smash him to bits and sweep what's left into a corner, he keeps trying to kill you. When you play as him, he manages to retrace your steps, start to finish, including all the Level Grinding, in the time it takes you to get from his quest to beating the Naughty Sorceress.
  • Not Hyperbole: When they say "undying", they mean it.
  • Not So Harmless:
    • In the Heavy Rains challenge path, he's the only mandatory boss that isn't replaced by a water version. In fact, he effortlessly beats the replacement wannabe.
    • And during the "Actually Ed the Undying" challenge path, he manages to trace the player's steps through all thirteen levels (resetting the Holy Macguffin quest in the process), kill them, and retrieve the Holy Macguffin from its secret warehouse.
  • Promoted to Playable: The Spring 2015 Challenge Path allows you to play as him directly, resetting the Holy McGuffin quest in the process of retrieving it.
  • Sequential Boss: Like his name suggests, you're going to have to fight him several times in a row, seven in fact. He does get weaker each subsequent time, however, since he starts getting more and more damaged.
  • The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: When he hears that you've entered the Sorceress' Tower and are probably going to win, he figures that's a good thing, because he doesn't want her to Kill Steal.

    The Big Wisniewski 
The leader of the Hippy army during the Mysterious Island's War questline and final boss of said quest if the player led the Frat army to victory on the battlefield. Upon defeat he inadvertently blows the entire Hippy camp back to the stone age, putting an end to the war once and for all.

    The Man 
A stereotypical businessman and the embodiment of massive fat cat corporations, big business and greed. In other words, The Man. He is the final boss of the War questline if the player leads the Hippies to victory over the Frat Boys. Upon defeat he blows the entire Frat camp back to the stone age, putting an end to the war once and for all.

    The Naughty Sorceress 
The main antagonist of the game, who sets the plot in motion by kidnapping the king and "imprisming" him within a giant crystal. Defeating her completes the game and allows the player to ascend.

Optional Bosses

    Guy Made Of Bees 
A guy made of bees.

    Ol' Scratch 
A hobo with a penchant for bad heat-related puns, lording over the Burnbarrel Blvd of Hobopolis. His Manual entry calls him Satan's second cousin twice removed, making him an actual demon.
  • Lame Pun Reaction: His pre-fight text shows this is why the player initially attacks him.
  • Playing with Fire: Naturally, being both a demon and the boss of Hobopolis's hot-themed area.
  • Status-Buff Dispel: If you have more than 5 active effects on you, he will strip them off.

    Frosty 
A snowman that is the guardian of Exposure Esplanade in Hobopolis.

    Oscus 
The Hegemon of the Heap, The Warlord of Waste, The Regent of Refuse note  of The Heap in Hobopolis.
  • Boss Arena Urgency: In addition to the elemental damage aura that all bosses have, Oscus has a Stench damage aura that doubles in damage every turn. While you could tank it with better gear, this effectively put a timer in his battle.
  • Composite Character: He's Oscar the Grouch combined with the demon lord Orcus (who also has a lot of nicknames).
  • Overly Long Name: Has several dozen nicknames. And he wants to recite all of them at you.

    Zombo 
A large hobo wearing an armor made of skeletons who made his domain in The Ancient Hobo Burial Ground of Hobopolis. We never know if he's living or undead.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss: Compared to the other Hobopolis bosses, he has 50% more hp and all elemental damage is reduced to negligible amount (on top of the damage cap common to all the bosses).
  • Nightmare Fuel: In-Universe, he absolutely terrifies your player character.
  • No-Gear Level: Zombo will unequip your pants, hat and finally shirt (if you have Torso Awaregness) every turn.
  • Shout-Out: His name and dialogue all come from Zombo.com.

    Chester 
A rather... icky man who is the boss of the Purple Light District of Hobopolis.
  • Meaningful Name: It's a common contraction of "child molestor".
  • No Item Use for You: His fight's gimmick prevents using items.
  • Pædo Hunt: Though the only person he's seen interacting with is the presumably adult player character, it's all but outright stated - he stays in a windowless van in order to lure children in with promises of toys and candy, has a penchant for spanking "naughty children", and has the stereotypical glasses and a mustache.
  • Squick: invoked He's a living embodiment of it, being the boss of the sleaze-themed area and all.

    Hodgman, the Hoboverlord 
The absolute grand poo-bah of Hobopolis, Hodgman rules absolutely over Hobopolis while being absolutely insane.
  • All Your Powers Combined: If you fight him before killing all of the other Hobopolis sub-bosses, every one still alive will grant him a measure of their power as the fight begins.
  • Armor-Piercing Attack: If Chester is still alive, he makes Hodgman's attacks ignore your damage resistance. Oddly, this bears no resemblance to the abilities Chester displays when fighting him directly.
  • Boss Arena Urgency: If Oscus is still alive, he'll pass by just long enough to leave an elemental damage aura that's even more potent than the one he himself has.
  • Challenge Run: Acquiring his Imaginary Hamster item requires you to clear Hobopolis in a very strict time limit, leaving you no time to kill any of the zone bosses, and he'll have all their powers combined.
  • Final Boss: Of Hobopolis.
  • Named After Somebody Famous: More specifically, John Hodgman, writer of The Areas of My Expertise (which includes a section on hobos). (He gave his permission for his name to be used.)
  • Nigh Invulnerable: If Frosty is still alive, he grants Hodgman massive damage resistance.
  • No-Gear Level: If Zombo is still alive, he unequips your hat, shirt, pants and accessories. leaving you facing Hodgman with nothing but your weapon.
  • Puzzle Boss: If you fight him with all his lieutenants' powers (and you'll have to if you want that Imaginary Hamster), your actions are so restricted that much of the challenge comes from just figuring out how to output enough damage to win.
  • Status-Buff Dispel: If Ol' Scratch is still alive, he'll dispel all your buffs at the beginning of the battle.

    Shub-Jigguwatt, Elder God of Violence 
One of the two Elder Gods that can be summoned by the Mer-kins, and therefore one of the possible final bosses of the Sea. He can be fought if the player triumphed in the Colisseum and was crowned Champion.
  • Berserk Button: Damaging him with anything that isn't "the purest forms of violence" (read: regular attacks) will cause him to retaliate with a powerful electric shock - which gets more damaging with every infraction you commit.
  • Mana Burn: His first attack drains all of your MP. You also take damage equal to half the MP lost.
  • Shock and Awe: He's called "the Beast With One Point Twenty-One Volts" for a reason.
  • Shout-Out: His name is a reference to Shub-Niggurath.

    Yog-Urt, Elder Goddess of Hatred 
One of the two Elder Gods that can be summoned by the Mer-kins, and therefore one of the possible final bosses of the Sea. She can be fought if the player managed to solve a Mer-Kin Dreadscroll and become the High Priest/ess.
  • Driven to Suicide: If she's damaged in any way while you're under the effect of the Suckrament, you end up hating yourself so much you clutch your own throat (not just your neck, your actual throat) and instantly lose. You don't die, though - you just wake up as if you've been simply defeated.
  • The Power of Hate: Not only she's literally powered by hatred, she can damage things with it and poison you with self-hatred.
  • Puzzle Boss: You start out the fight under the Suckrament effect, which inflicts enough damage per turn that you die in two turns, and prevents you from using any skill or attacking her while it's active. You need to use healing items to survive (and you can use each item only once) until Suckrament wears off, at which point Yog-Urt can be easily killed.
  • Shout-Out: Her name is a reference to Yog-Sothoth.
  • Squishy Wizard: By herself, she has vastly lower stats than the other Sea bosses, including the Colisseum sub-bosses. She is fully immune to physical damage, though.

    The True Final Boss of the Sea 
Daddy Sea Monkee resides in the Mer-Kin Temple, hooked up to a (possibly) life-support machine. In order to fight him, the player must defeat both Elder Gods with all 6 classes (which requires 12 ascensions, as you can fight only one Elder God per acension), combine the equipment they got as rewards, and then access the hidden door while wearing them.

NPCs

Main Story NPCs

    Shen Copperhead 
The owner of the Copperhead Club in Seaside town who holds one half of the charm the player needs to complete the Holy MacGuffin quest. Unfortunately, Shen is a jerk who has little intention of just handing it over to the player without a few somethings in return.
  • Expy: Of Lao Che, from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
  • Faux Affably Evil: His polite facade ends the moment he successfully poisons you. Even then he never stops being smug and condescending when talking to you.
  • No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: His quest chain ends with the player character finally losing patience with him and beating "nine kinds of Hell in him" until he finally gives up his half of the charm.
  • Smug Snake: Which the game plays up for all its worth. In addition to being a condescending asshole, his quest chain has a snake motif throughout to really drive it home.

Sea Monkees

    In General 
The Sea Monkees are a family of creatures who live in a castle on the Sea Floor, which you rescue from various troubles.

    Little Brother 
The first Sea Monkee you rescue. Younger son of Mom and Dad.

  • The Unfavorite: Grandpa Sea Monkee calls him a pansy if you ask about him.

    Big Brother 
After you rescue Little Brother, he sends you on a quest to rescue Big Brother, who has been missing.

    Grandpa 
Little Brother will send you on a quest to rescue his Grandpa once Big Brother is found.

Racist Grandpa: He'll insist he isn't, but also claims he's genetically superior to the Mer-Kin. Then again, all the Mer-Kin living near him are total jerks.

Other NPCs

    Uncle Crimbo 
A hasty replacement for his brother Father Crimbo as the spirit of Loathing's local winter holiday, Uncle Crimbo is a lazy trailer-trash bum who overworks and generally abuses his elf laborers. He's always thinking up ridiculous schemes to improve the holiday, which inevitably require the local adventurer population (i.e. you and all the other players) to step in and save the day when things inevitably go wrong.
  • Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence: During the events of Crimbo 2016, Uncle Crimbo is attempting to do this through meditation He succeeds, and gives up his corporeal form to become the essence of Crimbo
  • Bad Santa: He treats his employees like crap and causes all sorts of trouble, and expects the adventurers to bail him out every year.
  • Lazy Bum: Whenever there's trouble in Crimbo Town (and there always is), he just hides away in his trailer and bugs Adventurers into solving his problems. The most he'll do is make toys or other gizmos to help save the day. Averted (for once) in Crimbo 2015, when after meditating for a full year he achieves enlightenment, becomes the "Crimbuddha", and banishes both Gaia'ajh-dsli Ak'lwej and Crimborgatron without breaking a sweat.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: He's almost always the source of the problem plaguing Crimbo each year.
  • Zany Scheme: A frequent source of these. Take over Halloween this year? Use alien technology from a crashed space-ship to make new high-tech toys? Build a new factory powered by untested radioactive materials? What could possibly go wrong?

Races and Factions

    Knob Goblins 
Strange goblinoid creatures that make their home in Cobb's Knob in the Nearby Plains.

    Bugbears 
Small animalistic creatures who seem to keep to themselves and look down on everyone else who lives in the Kingdom.
  • Fantastic Racism: They seem to dislike anyone who isn't a Bugbear and refuse to let anyone besides themselves shop at the Bugbear Bakery.

    Giants 
The giants are a race of large beings that make their home in the Castle In The Sky high above the plains (though a few turn up elsewhere). Each one has unique quirks and abilities that affect the way they fight in combat.

    Hippies 
Nature-loving stoners and activists who are peace-loving, but not afraid to fight against anyone who doesn't share their ideals. They have a massive camp on the Mysterious Island Of Mystery where most of their members can be found.
  • New-Age Retro Hippie: To a tee.
  • The Pig Pen: None of them are known to bathe regularly. They're actually so in-tune with filth that elemental Stench damage inflicted on them is reduced to one.
  • Planet of Hats: In a sense: "Hippy" is its own race in Loathing.
  • The Stoner: Not surprising, given that they represent most of the negative aspects of real world hippies.

    Frat Orcs 
A large fraternity of orcs who behave like stereotypical college kids and love drinking, partying and hazing. Their main base is a large frat house that can be found on the Mysterious Island Of Mystery.
  • The Alcoholic: They really love their booze.
  • Wacky Fratboy Hijinks: Pretty much everything they do outside of warring with the Hippies. Most of their noncombat adventures involve large amounts of drinking, hazing new pledges and other general frat mischief.

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