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While many a character comes from the canon of Warhammer 40,000, the series gives them a... unique spin at times. Every spoiler up to episode 25 (the last episode before the podcasts and spinoffs start) is left unmarked.

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The Imperial Palace

    The Emperor 

The Emperor/God-Emperor Of Mankind/Man-Emperor of Mankind/The Motherfucking Emperor/The Lord of Humanity
The usual reaction.

Voiced by: A Text To Speech Device and Randolph Carter (Whenever not using the Text To Speech Device, which is mostly flashbacks, Imagine Spots, drifting soul fragments, etc)

The mightiest being in the galaxy, the post-human titan, the saviour of humanity, a living god... once. These days, he's stuck on galaxy's most elaborate life-support machine and nearly powerless physically, which leaves him with a snarky attitude and an awful case of grumpiness. Also an itchy nose for some reason, despite effectively being a skeleton.

  • Absolute Xenophobe: A trait downplayed compared to the Emperor in canon. He says he would actually be okay with xenos living side-by-side with humans, so long as they agreed to abide by his laws and not get in the way of humanity's prosperity. It's just that every xeno civilization he's encountered has wanted to either murder or enslave humanity. He even briefly considers making an alliance with the Tau, before learning that they don't fight in melee (the cowards!). He also admits that the main reason he built the Webway was to get access to Eldar prostitutes.
  • Adaptational Nice Guy: While he's still a massive dick all around, he does have genuine love for his Primarch sons, which is something that the Black Library has significantly moved away from as the Horus Heresy series has progressed, along with the general developments that came as a result of The Gathering Storm (in which Roboute Guilliman is told by the Big E that he's seen as a tool to advance the Imperium's goals).
  • A God I Am Not:
    • Despite having the power of a god and expecting people to follow his decrees, he repeatedly denies being a god. Magnus finds this trait tremendously grating — for all he denies being a god, he never ceases to demand to be treated as one.
      I am like a like a glorious golden god [beat] Except I am not.
    • He outright admits it when confronted by Uriah Olathaire.
  • Actually Pretty Funny: Takes a moment to admire Rogal's burn that he "is what he eats" because he behaves like a "growing pile of screaming psychic children".
  • And I Must Scream: The Golden Throne is absolutely agonizing, and he can't leave it for even a second or Terra will get eaten by a Warp Rift. As it stands, the Emperor's consciousness is scattered all over Hell's half-acre and slowly but surely being eroded into nothing. He also Name Drops the Trope Namer after hearing the first question of the first Fourth-Wall Mail Slot episode.
  • Angrish: When truly shocked, all he can say is "Wowowowo" for a little bit. Then he delivers a blistering "Reason You Suck" Speech.
  • Aww, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: For all his constant unending belittling of Kitten, the Emperor is heartbroken when he thinks Kitten abandoned him.
  • Batman Gambit: He's pretty adept at playing those, turning Mary Sue tendencies to his advantage or planning long time ahead using what he knows of people's characters. Then again, he's supposed to be smarter than anyone else. This comes to a head in Episode 26, where it is revealed that he intentionally built up Fyodor since before Dominique became his scribe to be as tremendously self-absorbed, arrogant, and bull-headed as possible so that when the time came the Inquisitor would genuinely believe he was the Emperor reborn, and that he would believe in this so much that a shard of the Emperor could be reincarnated into Karamazov's body.
  • Badass Decay: He is a Heavily downplayed In-Universe example. Make no mistake, the Emperor is still one of the most powerful psykers in the galaxy and the pinnacle of human potential. However, his time on the Golden Throne has fractured his memories and his charismatic abilities so, while still potent, they are nowhere near where they were during their height. For example, in the past he was once able to sway a whole army into surrendering while speaking to them in Haiku. Meanwhile, in the present, he ends up losing a theological argument with the spirit of someone he had once bested easily in the past. The fact that Emps refuses to fully admit this frustrates Rogal greatly.
  • Berserk Button: Where do we begin?
    • Traitor Legions.
    • Religion.
    • FUCKING Horus.
    • Ultramarines (though he does come to appreciate them, or at least appreciate that he can abuse the hell out of their Plot Armor).
    • Senseless Sacrifice, especially when it has to do with sacrificing some of the biggest and most expensive ships in the imperium by smashing them into things or self-destructing them when they are in perfect working order.
    • The Codex Astartes and all Space Marine Foundings that aren't his original one. note 
    • General human idiocy.
    • Refusing to fight in melee. (which practically all of the Tau do)
    • Racism, which in itself gets played with when the Custodian claims that the Salamanders are feared because they are literally jet-black, which the Emperor interprets as racism towards any person of color until he finds out that the Custodian himself happens to be black (as more conventionally interpreted). Fortunately he hasn't been told of the fact that some corners of the Imperium have engaged in racism as part of the whole "kill the mutant" part of the Imperial Creed — see Lastrati.
    • He also responded poorly to incestual insinuations regarding his children, once retaliating against a question sender for insinuating that he might have had feelings towards Horus. He quite literally deletes Custodisi nigh immediately when he proposed wincest.
  • Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: The Emperor was Conan the Barbarian, Moses, Kenshiro, and is strongly implied to have been Christian Weston Chandler, of all people.
  • Blatant Lies: The Astral Knights were totally a secret legion that The Emperor created before the Great Crusade that he never told anyone about, and not a bunch of stupid Second Founding assholes who pointlessly crashed an Emperor Class Battle Barge into a Necron World Engine.
  • Boldly Coming: His reason for originally building a Webway gate under the Palace? Eldar prostitutes.
  • Brought Down to Badass: Can't move from his throne and can barely move his body. But he's still the most powerful psyker in the galaxy and can create warp storms just as the side effect of getting angry.
  • Cannot Convey Sarcasm: Happens sometimes, as the text-to-speech device isn't exactly what you may call the most expressive.
  • Catchphrase: "I'm the motherfucking Emperor."
  • Character Development: Surprisingly but yes. He comes to conclusion that he was wrong to discard his compassion, AKA Star Child, and plans to regain it, as he realized that he needs it now more than ever.
  • Character Tics: A flash around his skull when one of his Berserk Buttons gets pushed. When truly pissed, it's changed to smoke pouring out of his ears and nose, with a kettle's whistle for sound effect.
  • The Chessmaster: He's well-known for his complex strategies. His entire plan to disband the Inquisition, for instance, rode on a number of Inquisitors betraying his orders and approaching the Imperial Palace itself, convincing Fyodor that he was an incarnation of the Emperor, and Magnus sending them all to the Warp—simultaneously taking the blame for the Emperor's plan and putting Karamazov in a position that would eventually lead to him so thoroughly and intensely believing that he was the Emperor so that a shard of the Emperor's soul could take over his body. And it completely worked.
  • The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes: The Emperor has genius-level analytical skills, and has demonstrated great insight into the flaws of his enemies and allies alike. Most importantly, he has successfully exploited those flaws to his own benefit, and by extension the benefit of Mankind. He is nevertheless totally blind to his own shortcomings.
    • As for his family directly, his "sons" The Twenty Primarchs are a dysfunctional group that have a very strained relationship with their father, if they have one at all. Magnus is constantly bullied by him, Horus fell to Chaos, Russ is stuck in the warp and only makes amends with somebody who believes he's a fragment of the Emperor, Jaghatai Khan is believed to be stuck in the Dark Eldar city of Commorragh, Vulkan is constantly dying, and the only one he never mocks, Sangunius, is dead. Magnus and the Emperor try to make up for lost time but the Emp only drives him away again with Kitten in tow. After Magnus leaves with Kitten, the Emp doesn't try very hard to get close with his other son, Rogal, outside of getting him a spare bike so he can "go fast" like Magnus could. As much as he cares for Mankind, he has little concern over his own "sons".
  • Color-Coded Characters: He's surrounded by gold and his subtitles are in gold.
  • Cool Old Guy: Can be this at times, especially when telling the history of the world or when actually attempting to bond with his son.
  • *Cough* Snark *Cough*: Literally types "cough-snark-cough" into the device once.
  • Deadpan Snarker: One of the ways he deals with the world around him, and even if he's corpsing, it gets lost in translation between his mind and the impassionate text-to-speech device.
  • Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: His psychic spirit stabbed Magnus' soul right out of Tzeentch.
  • Disabled Snarker: His level of snark is inversely proportional to his mobility.
  • Enraged by Idiocy: One of his Berserk Buttons is Mankind's current idiocy.
  • Eye Scream: Rogal Dorn accidentally poked his right eye out with his armor spikes.
  • Fantastic Racism: Surprisingly subverted. he claims that he doesn't actually hate Xenos themselves, he hates how pretty much every Xenos species in the galaxy has an agenda that would fuck Humanity over if they succeeded.
  • Fashionable Asymmetry: Only one of his eyes has a visor, to his annoyance.
  • Fatal Flaw: Arrogance. He adamantly refuses to acknowledge his mistakes, and belittles everyone around him incessantly. His failure to treat his children with respect led to the Horus Heresy, Kitten's loss of position, and Magnus losing faith in his competence as a ruler.
    • Apathy is a second, self-admitted one saying that discarded his empathy and personal sentiments a long time ago deeming it a weakness he could not afford during a time where he had to build the foundations of the Imperium's future very quickly. He now realizes that, in these harsh and cruel times, he needs it back more than ever.
  • Fourth-Wall Observer: While he has yet to address the audience, he regularly Leans on it and makes references to things that only make sense to the audience. furthermore, after the intro sequence first appeared in episode 12, he responded to it in the usual manner.
  • Fridge Logic: In-Universe he's confused as to why he has a monocle, despite both eyes rotting away aeons ago. He would also like to know where his right hand is. note 
    • Once Rogal points it out, he has serious trouble figuring out just where all of Terra's natural water went to.
  • The Gadfly: He likes to say absurd stuff and pull people's legs just to see their reaction.
  • Girls Have Cooties: His reason for decreeing that that there shall never be any female Space Marines? He thinks girls are "yucky".
  • Gosh Dang It to Heck!: During the podcast episodes, he has to resort to silly pseudo swears to bypass the profanity filter. This results in phrases like "I am the motherflipping emperor".
  • Grumpy Old Man: In flashbacks when he was younger he had a more dignified and stately demeanor. Most of the time in the main series, he's got a scathing critique for everything and rarely gets happy about anything. Magnus even called him "Grumpiness Incarnate".
  • Heterosexual Life-Partners: Malcador was his "bro for life", and seeing said bro's legacy turned into an "elitist shitfest" led to an indignant rant.
  • Hidden Depths: For all his grumpiness and snarkery, his endgame for humanity is heartwarming. He truly wishes for them to ascend and become better. He also misses Sanguinus a lot.
  • Hollywood Atheist: Hates and mocks religion with passion, and basically made atheism instead into the Imperium's state belief system. Magnus likes pointing this out, "you told everyone to throw religion out the window and ironically never to question you about it." That being said, he is shown to have some pretty good reasons for not condoning belief in the gods- they are real, they are evil, and he thinks they need prayer badly.
  • Hypocrite: Uriah Olathaire states that the ultimate conclusion of the Imperial Truth is that he's trying to purge humanity of its less-savory aspects (something the Emperor himself hated in Ferrus Manus), even though this boils down to change what it means to be human, going so far as to state that the Emperor HATES humanity... and given that Emps has directly declared his goal is to basically turn humans into more of him, it's a pretty damning accusation. Uriah's also pretty pissed that for all the Emperor's disgust of religion, he took many religious terms and introduced his own bastardized version to the "secular" Imperium.
    • There's also the fact that if he really was Moses, then he was responsible for helping codify Judaism and by extention all Abrahamic religion. It might be that he was misinterpreted by his followers rather than outright deceiving them, but if that's the case it means he really should have expected the Imperial Truth to be warped again millenia later— unless this is all some incredibly long plan still unfolding.
  • I Call Him Mr Happy: He calls him "Big-E".
  • Insistent Terminology:
    • It's Fucking Horus, never simply Horus or Horus Lupercal.
    • It's not Marneus Calgar, it's Papa Smurf.
  • It's All About Me: He manage to turn every conversation into a paean to his greatness. Even his history of the galaxy turns into his own autobiography with his arrival on the scene of events.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Make no mistake, the Emperor is a colossal asshole but he does care for humanity. And if there's any doubt of that consider that he has to care seeing as he's not backing down from fixing the Imperium and bringing back the Imperial Truth, no matter how insurmountable it might seem. He even states that he still cares about humanity because he sees the immense potential in it. Despite all the verbal abuse he heaps on the Custodian; he's genuinely sad and heartbroken when he thinks Kitten quit being his caretaker voluntarily.
  • Kick the Dog: He regards the time he kidnapped Angron and left all his friends to die in the process hilarious. He doesn't seem to realize how much this fueled his already volatile rage and blames his betrayal on being "unreasonably fuck-ass mad".
  • Lack of Empathy: He doesn't care much about anyone, save for the inchoate potential of humanity. His arrogance, Never My Fault and this trope conspired to send his decrepit corpse into the Golden Throne, where he's been rotting for ten millennia as his dreams and hopes are corrupted into a caricature of everything he held dear... and he still refuses to learn his lesson.
    • Thankfully, he seems to have realized that abandoning his compassion was a mistake and launched a plan to retrieve the fragment of his soul containing it that's been in motion as far back as Episode 4, preparing one of the craziest men in the Imperium to be its vessel by convincing him that he is said fragment before having a redeemed Magnus caber-toss him into the Warp.
  • Laser-Guided Karma: Had he not bailed out to stay away from Magnus' rampage, he'd still have Kitten as his attendant and he wouldn't have to endure the Fab Custodes' ludicrous hyper-macho antics. Also, mocking Magnus one too many times when he just wants to help leads to the Primarch lying to Kitten about the Emperor wanting him back as the attendant and puts him down even further. Although there's the implication that even that is a part of his plan.
  • Leitmotif: His throne room is always set to a Rachmaninov piece.
  • Love Is a Weakness: The Emperor cast love, compassion, empathy, and sentiment aside while he was building the Imperium, for at the time he felt that progress was more important than anything else. By episode 26, he realizes that he was wrong, and that he needs these things to be truly human.
  • Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex: The Emperor had many lovers over his many years when he was corporeal... but when he was a healthy human he was also a superhumanly strong giant who frequently injured his partners. He's genuinely surprised that many of his partners survived to bear his children.
  • Medium Awareness: The Emperor seems to be quite aware that he's on a show. It used to be limited to less formal things like answering letters, but slowly crept its way into the series proper. One of the more prominent and recent examples is when he states that Magnus has been absent for two years note  while Magnus confusedly insists he's been gone a monthnote  at most.
  • Mind Hive: His soul is made up of thousands of human shamans, and these days, it's splintered into even more parts thanks to his long interment on the Golden Throne.
  • Mr. Exposition: With how backwards the Imperium is in the 40K in terms of knowledge, he often finds himself in this position. He also gives a two-episode long explanation about the general backstory of the setting up to and including the Horus Heresy. That being said, he's often on the receiving end of it as well- given that he's been interned in the Throne for the past ten thousand years and that his mind is splintered across space, there's a lot for him to catch up on.
  • Narcissist: He's awesome and he'll have you know it.
  • Never My Fault: It's always either Chaos or Fucking Horus, never him. Though he does admit at least once to Magnus that they made the same mistakes, quote: "Like fucking father, like fucking son."
  • Obfuscating Stupidity: Based on an offhand comment he makes toward Karstodes about his need of Kitten's help, he seems to be fully aware of what Magnus and Kitten are up to and is simply pretending to not know about the current situation, suggesting that it may be a part of his plan. Later confirmed, though he's not entirely aware of what exactly they were up to.
  • Only Sane Man: Wackiness, Cloud Cuckoolander tendencies, and staggering Jerkass behaviors aside, he's one of the vanishingly few people who realizes how absurd everything around him is. He's very quick to point out why a number of the Imperium's existing policies are stupid and inefficient, and wonders how on Terra it got to the point when his original intentions for his regime were so badly misrepresented by his successors.
  • Out with a Bang: The Emperor has killed several women by having sex with them, apparently.
  • Painting the Medium: You may've noticed that Emperor's lines are always written this way. It's the same in series' subtitles and unique to him.
  • Papa Wolf:
    • Goes downright berserk when he learns of the fate of the Sensei.
    • Risks his soul splintering into even more parts to confront Tzeentch and take Magnus' soul back.
    • He also shows a little of this towards Kitten, as he offhandedly threatened Karstodes after he threaten Kitten for information to report back to the Emperor with.
    • He psychically slaps the hell out of Custodisi after said Custodes refers to Magnus as "Hot Stuff" while calmly reprimanding him. The siren that goes off in the background however, hints that he's in a state of Tranquil Fury over Custodisi's lusting over his son. Eventually, after one crass pass too many, he loses patience and just outright deletes Custodisi from reality.
  • Parental Favoritism: Doesn't even bother to hide his favoritism of Sanguinius over the rest of his sons.
  • The Perfectionist: He's critical of just about everything, but he is especially frustrated that his sons lacking traits that a certain sibling might have in excess. He doesn't like them being too nice, too honest, too straight-laced, too quirky, too strict, too lenient. Just so.
  • Pet the Dog: Has a few moments when he genuinely shows appreciation for humanity and his companions.
    • Episode 13 has him talk about what he liked about his sons in spite of their flaws with profuse emotion and kindness...well, according to Kitten's narration, because it's off-screen.
    • He also went through the trouble of recovering Magnus's soul from Tzeentch using one of his own soul fragments, a process which is known to be rather painful for him. All to show that, even if he is a dick, he still cares about his son.
    • He occasionally shows some kindness towards the Custodes even though they freak him out / annoy him constantly. He allowed Karstodes to watch the Slaaneshmas show with Decius and Rogal Dorn when there was no real reason for him to do so, and actually bonded a little with Custodisi over the White Scars.
    • While he snarks regularly throughout the Podcast on the White Scars (including on their performance individually as a legion), in his actual summation at the end he genuinely compliments the Scars on their strengths and offers legitimate criticism and suggestions to improve on their weaknesses instead of mercilessly mocking them like you'd expect him to).
    • In Podcast #1, he forgives the entire population of Krieg based solely on the contents of a letter.
    • In Episode 26, the Star Child fragment of the Emperor is vastly more kind and benevolent, even thanking the soul of Dominique for helping him with his grand plan to convert Karamazov into an appropriate vessel.
  • Pro-Human Transhuman: He describes himself as a deity (even though he isn't one, by his own admission), but has humanity as his priority. His ideal view for humanity's endgame is, essentially, every human alive being just as advanced and powerful as he is, basking forever in the joys of being human, and wishes to bring them all to this point himself.
  • Psychic Powers: He's got telekinesis and telepathy to some extent. It seems to get stronger the longer the text-to-speech device has been implemented, though it's mostly been used to punch out people, and even then mostly just Kitten.
  • Psychopathic Manchild: For all his grumpiness, he can get overly excited with toys of mass destruction. It says a lot that his reaction to the existence of the World Engine was "Holy shit. I want one."
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: ...Sometimes. He may be a Grumpy Old Man and a Psychopathic Manchild, but often he's the sole voice of reason in the world utterly drowning in grimdark.
  • Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: Not that he has a lot of choice, being hooked up to a text-to-speech device.
  • Serious Business: He and his son Dorn started several civil wars throughout the galaxy because they couldn't agree on what day to eat tacos. He considers it a grievous crime to eat Tacos on a day that isn't an assigned Taco Day, and encourages his subjects to murder their neighbors if they don't eat Tacos on Friday.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: He's why this series isn't family friendly. It's unlikely he has more than one line without some curse thrown in.
  • Stop Worshipping Me: One of his first acts upon regaining ability to speak is disbanding all ways in which people worship him.
  • Sophisticated as Hell: He actually manages to sound fairly regal between the bouts of swearing and dick jokes.
  • Squee!: As close to it as he can get anyway. In Episode 26 Part 2 he announces that "It has Begun" and then erupts into a deluge of "Boy oh Boy"s when He senses that the Star-Child has possessed Fyodor.
  • Suddenly Voiced: The entire premise is that this happens to him with the implementation of text-to-speech device.
  • Surrounded by Idiots: Part of why he's such a jackass. In his defense, the secular empire devoted to logic and reason has turned into a theocratic hellhole, his bro for life Malcador's work became the Inquisition, the Imperium keeps hiring people that're Obviously Evil, his most trusted warriors have turned into Stripperiffic yes-men. It'd be weird if he didn't feel this way.
  • Survivor Guilt: Though he didn't survive very well himself, there's a vein of this in his feelings about Sanguinius. He talks shit about each and every other Primarch, but still sees Sanguinius as his ideal son...because he died for him. In spite of being mostly dead and speaking through a machine, the forlorn hope that the Sanguinor might be even just a fragment of Sanguinius is the only thing to have brought the Emperor to abject sorrow.
  • Synthetic Voice Actor: The premise. Kitten had a techpreist install a text-to-speech device in the Golden throne, and the Emperor can communicate with his subjects again.
  • Time Abyss: He's over fifty thousand years old.
  • Virtue Is Weakness: He begins Episode 26 with a monologue on the matter, saying that compassion, humanity itself, was something that was hindering him back when he was crafting the Imperium, and so he cast it aside, so it wouldn't hinder him while he was busy ruling humanity and leading it towards the stars. But now he realizes that, in this day and age, he needs it back more than ever, with the implication he's realized that might have been a mistake from the start.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Like it or not, he gets along with Magnus and Kitten a lot better than with anyone else in the Palace. If you've noticed that he constantly insults and belittles them and sometimes psychically punches Kitten... then it's still an improvement.
  • The Watson: As he's been stuck on the Golden Throne for millennia, a lot of screentime is spent on explaining the current status of the imperium and its enemies to him.
  • Wacky Parent, Serious Child: Zigzagged - For a given value of "wacky" and "serious," considering that it's not so much that he's wacky and his children are serious, but more that they're wacky and serious in different ways, sometimes. Compare his oddly childish reactions to certain things and nonstop barrage of acerbic, snarky one-liners to some of his children, such as Dorn, Magnus, and even Russ.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: While he does love humanity and their potential, he utterly loathes individuals and is intensely irritated by mortal foibles. Everything about the Imperium is an effort to ensure his ideals come to pass and he's ready to go further to better police humanity. He mentions his interest in coopting the concept of a Hive Mind from the Tyranids into humans so he can, basically, directly oversee everyone.

    The Custodian 

The Captain-General of the Adeptus Custodes/Little Kitten/...Goldielocks Sunshine Graham Corncob Thomps-...
That's also a usual reaction.

Voiced by: ThunderPsyker

The current commander of the Adeptus Custodes and the personal caretaker of the Emperor of Mankind. One of the few to avoid or at least get out of the crippling insanity riddling the Adeptus Custodes, he's watching over the Golden Throne when the text-to-speech device is mounted and thus assumes the position of Emperor's companion and adviser - a job description which translates to "Butt-Monkey".

  • 24-Hour Armour: He never takes it off, apparently being worried about the reaction of his fellow Custodes. The one time he thinks about taking it off was in the remake of the first episode when he was excited at the idea of the Emperor will be able to converse with followers again before he suppresses that errant desire. In Episode 20 the Emperor forces him out of it for a minute or so. Magnus later does the same in episode 27, to "help" him change into his Captain General garb faster.
  • The Alleged Boss: Despite officially being the Captain-General, the other Custodes only follow his orders when they feel like it. Magnus and Dorn both call them out on it in episode 27.
  • Almighty Janitor: In the grand scheme of the Imperium, he's extremely low on the totem pole as far as rank goes. As the personal speaker of the Emperor, however, he's technically one of the most powerful despite this. This is on top of the fact that, due to beating Tzeentch in a card game, he technically owns the soul of Magnus The Red.
  • Ambiguously Bi: Touched upon in Episode 20, where he agrees that he was fantasizing about "big, exotic, crust covered men who have come to come and take [him] away to the lands of a thousand volcano cannons exploding in [his] face." For context, they're talking about the Salamanders and their Volcano Cannons, huge weapons that are longer than they are wide and shoot hot, white blasts from their tips. On the other hand, his great love was Shadowsun but that was "NOT FUCKING CANON", though in Episode 27 the Lockwarden implies that it is canon.
  • Ambiguously Brown: In Episode 20, the Emperor forces Kitten out of his armor to see what color his skin is when he is Mistaken for Racist. The Emperor was unbelievably angered at the thought that the post-racial society of the Imperium had descended into racism (as Kitten's comments about people finding the skin color of the Salamanders off-putting would suggest), after which Kitten explains that he's not racist against his own race, and the Imperium isn't racistnote 
  • Animal Motifs: Cats, to an extent. His fellow Custodes call him "Little Kitten" and both his Yu-Gi-Oh battles used cat monsters as a key component.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: If his first confrontation with Karamazov is of any indication, yes, his title of Captain-General is not only for show.
  • Badass Cape: Has a long red cape, and must have been a badass to get the job.
  • Beleaguered Assistant: To the Emperor, having to deal with his lord's grumpiness, mockery and frequent rages.
  • Badass Baritone: When he challenges Tzeentch for Magnus' soul, he suddenly gets a much deeper voice similar to the other Custodes.
  • Berserk Button: The Tau are the only thing that can make him absolutely furious. When Magnus sarcastically suggests that Kitten's plan to sneak around Nocturne under invisibility magic makes perfect sense because it's something that "the Tau would do," Kitten flips his shit and very nearly starts a fight with the Salamander guards.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Kitten is almost always kind and polite in comparison to the rest of the cast, even up to refusing the Emperor's order to have Guilliman's life support cut. However, when truly pushed his warrior side comes out in stride, from promising to genocide the Tau, to getting fed up with the Inquisition coup and intending to just kill them all, to even assassinating the High Lords. Though the ones he killed were alien doppelgangers, he believed they were the real thing.
  • Black and Nerdy: He's Ambiguously Brown underneath his armor, and is all but stated to spend his down-time reading in the Black Library.
  • Bling of War: His armour is golden and really decorative. Most characters had taken to compare it to a golden banana. It becomes silver during his card game with Tzeentch, much to his disappointment.
  • Bored with Insanity: As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he too went through a phase where he engaged in the same exhibitionist Camp Gay tendencies as his Custodes brothers (and secretly still wants to).
  • Boring Yet Practical: Both times he played a children's card game:
    • When he and the Emperor play, the Emperor proceeds to use super overpowered cards to summon an extremely powerful monstrosity on his side of the field on top of a ridiculously broken field spell, which are both indestructible. Kitten defeats him by returning all his cards to his hand and attacking his greatly diminished health pool (he had paid all but 100 of his health to power up his Mega Ultra Chicken).
    • Tzeentch sets up strategies that involve lengthy, drawn-out turns, creating inescapable traps, cheating with mind-reading, and revealing back-up plan after back-up plan. Kitten finally beats him by ignoring the crazy plots and just attacking directly, as Tzeentch only had a single monster in his entire deck for defense.
  • Broken Pedestal: More chipped than broken, but Kitten is nonetheless perturbed at how petty his Emperor can be and how one of the first tasks he was assigned involved euthanising Roboute Guilliman (read: one of the Emperor's most loyal Primarchs) simply because he found his Ultramarines to be annoying.
  • Butt-Monkey: Being Emperor's sole companion for a long time, he's the butt of his jokes and mockery, as he's nowhere near his lord's mental capabilities.
  • The Cavalry: Sallies to the Lords of Terra's aid when Karamazov breaks in, saving the day with the rest of the Custodes.
  • Cerebus Retcon: Episode 24 implies that Kitten's Mr. Exposition status derives from him having discovered a section of the Imperial Webway Gate that leads to the Black Library.
  • Deadpan Snarker: It takes a while, but he starts to find his footing amidst the World of Snark he's suddenly plunged into as a Servile Snarker.
  • Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: He took the time to turn Tzeentch's circular questioning on him, dropped an F bomb on him, and called him a nerd, and all with absolutely zero consequences.
  • Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: He successfully challenges Tzeentch and defeats him. Granted, it was only in a children's card game. but still.
  • Dude, Where's My Respect?: Even after finding out about his true rank, his fellow Custodes still make fun of him.
  • Embarrassing Nickname: His order nicknamed him "Kitten" for undisclosed reasons. It's even used in episode titles.
  • Everyone Has Standards: While he does obey the Emperor no matter how strange or bizarre his orders are, even he finds the Emperor order to cut off Roboute Guilliman's life support appalling and tends to "forget' about it. When the Emperor demands he cut Guilliman's life support immediately, Kitten has enough and refuses to obey him.
  • Four-Star Badass: He turns out to be the Captain-General of the Adeptus Custodes.
  • The Gloves Come Off: Finally has enough of it when Karamazov turns out to be completely insane. He orders the man's execution by shooting squad made of all the Custodes.
  • Grew a Spine: Starts off as a sycophant and a Yes-Man, but grows into a Servile Snarker.
  • Heroic Build: The Season 2 finale reveals he's just as well-built under that armor as the other Custodes.
  • Hidden Depths: There now exists a strong implication that he's so knowledgeable compared to the other Custodes because he's been using a path in the Imperial Webway Gate to visit the Black Library and Cegorach.
  • The Idealist: Zigzagged. He plays this role when telling the Emperor about various stupid shit, but he's also desperate to keep the Emperor happy. On the other hand, Kitten still acts the optimist even when away from the Emperor (singing while making tea for example and his faith in humanity).
  • Improbable Aiming Skills: Being a Custodes, he has inhuman marksmanship skills, which he uses during his card game with Tzeentch to shoot a flipped coin out of the air so it lands on the correct side.
  • Interspecies Romance: The Emperor suggests that Kitten once had a romance with a Tau and she left him for the Greater Good, fueling his hatred of her species. He disagrees vehemently, but the Lockwarden implies that not only did it indeed happen, but that Kitten periodically visits the Vaults beneath the palace to bemoan that break-up.
  • Mistaken for Racist: Happens in the Season 2 finale in which he reveals the Salamanders are feared for "being black" and the Emperor goes nuts on him. Turns out that he himself is black, and that he meant that the Salamanders are scary for being literally charcoal-black with glowing red eyes. He didn't even know "black" in the racial sense was a thing.note 
  • Mouth of Sauron: When Emperor's orders must be carried out, he's the one who goes around and repeats them.
  • Mr. Exposition: As the Emperor has little idea of what has happened in the last ten thousand years, Kitten is the one to bring him up to date with Imperial and other real-space topics like the various xenos races.
  • Noble Bigot: He's a nicer fellow than most in the setting, but he's about as prejudiced against xenos with special (and very personal) enmity devoted to the tau.
  • Noodle Incident: His armorless phase and his previous time serving as the Blood Games' Seek and Destroy target implied some rather unfortunate encounters with his fellow Custodes. His former relationship with a Tau is not an example because it is "NOT FUCKING CANON!"
  • "Not Important to This Episode" Camp: In episode 24 he and Magnus show up briefly after the credits only so that the viewers can learn that they've chosen to take a ship to Nocturne (instead of Magnus teleporting them) because Magnus wants to be nostalgic and have some fun.
  • Not So Above It All: Though he doesn't want to admit it, the Captain General secretly wants to engage in the same male Stripperific tendencies as his brother Custodes. It's also implied he used to, but recovered at some point.
    "Our Glorious Emperor will be able to converse with his subjects once more. And I shall be the first to speak with him! Hhhooo.... I could just... (inhale) take off my armo... NO! Calm Down! I restrained myself for millennia!"
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: The closest thing he has to a revealed name in the series is "Little Kitten", which was given to him by his now-insane comrades. His actual name intentionally obscure to obfuscate which canon Captain General he is.
  • Only Sane Man: Amidst the Custodes, he's the one not to surrender to overwhelming exhibitionist, camp and suicidal tendencies, which is probably why he became the Captain-General. Though from some of his statements on the whole situation, he likely went just as nuts as the rest of them before coming full circle.
    • Downplayed, in that a number of other sane(-ish) Custodes have also been introduced, primarily the Shadowkeepers Shield-host and their leader, Lockwarden.
  • Overshadowed by Awesome: The fact that Kitten plays The Straight Man, and is surrounded mostly by Primarchs and his insane comrades, plus his own attitude makes Kitten come off as a gold-plated butler, and average, if not short height, when he is in fact, Captain-General of the Custodian Guard, a High Lord of Terra in his own right, and a obvious badass besides. Oh and he's actually a head taller than the already superhumanly tall Space Marines. It's just that he's mostly surrounded by people of equal or even greater height anyways.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: Being the Captain General of the Custodes does make him one of the High Lords of Terra, and apart from Decius he's the only sane one.
  • Precision F-Strike: He doesn't swear nearly as often as the Emperor, only when it's Tau or he's really surprised.
  • Real Life Writes the Plot: According to Thunder Psyker, the primary reason Kitten was written to dislike the Tau so much is because of the frustration Psyker went through beating the Tau fortress in the campaign of Dawn of War: Dark Crusade.
  • Really 700 Years Old: He's been around for eleven thousand years.
  • Seen It All: His behavior in the palatial kitchen, as two cooks battle nearby and Custodes are falling from the skies, screams this.
  • Servile Snarker: He's been learning how to play the snarking game, and starts to put it to good use in his interactions with the others, such as wondering if the Emperor was born in a gold depository, erm, the most glorious gold depository in the galaxy!
  • The Stoic: He takes all that happens surprisingly in stride, although he does exhibit emotion, to his worry.
  • Suddenly Ethnicity: Given that the Imperium is officially a post-racial society (though, as with everything Imperial, it's not universal), his ethnic background is never brought up until he is Mistaken for Racist against black people. Before Kitten can explain himself, the Emperor notes that he's black and thinks that he's racist against his own race. Kitten is rather confused by the whole concept, especially since he was grown in a tube by the Emperor.
  • Sycophantic Servant: He's not fueling Emperor's narcissism, he's pouring pure promethium on it.
  • Try to Fit THAT on a Business Card!: In Episode 23 Magnus forces him to tell him his full name, forgetting that Custodes "names" are earned as recognition for mighty deeds, and that not only is he Captain-General but he's been alive for over ten millennia (or maybe Magnus just assumed he lead too uneventful a life to have preformed any mighty deeds). He doesn't even get halfway through. His names include Goldielocks Sunshine Graham Corncob Thomps-
  • Tin Man: Played for Laughs. Many jokes are made of him being afraid, frustrated or uncomfortable despite supposedly having his emotions surgically removed.
  • Undying Loyalty: To the Imperium. While believes Magnus when he says the Emperor doesn't want him back as his caretaker, when offered the choice of serving "someone else," Kitten bluntly responds "I'm not joining Chaos you ass."
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Has shades of this with Magnus. While Magnus is just as prone to insulting Kitten when mad, Kitten isn't terrified of Magnus' wrath (barring Leman Russ-induced Hulking Out episodes) the way he is the Emperor's. Even before the two head off to "Make the Imperium Great Again," all of their scenes alone together are filled with mutual light-hearted snark. It fractures momentarily at the start of Episode 27 with their argument before Magnus is forced to flat out admit his plan involves giving the Emperor a new body.
  • Yes-Man: He rarely disagrees with the Emperor. With Character Development he is slowly moving away from this. Apparently all Custodes started developing on their own but all but he went insane from it. It's often fear of the Emperor's rage that keeps him in line nowadays as well as some of his lingering "automaton" programming.
  • Your Soul Is Mine: By winning his card game with Tzeentch, Magnus' soul is technically bound to him. Magnus absolutely refuses to acknowledge that fact.

    Magnus the Red 

Magnus the Red, Primarch of The Thousand Sons
You'll see...

Voiced by: Zegram

One of the 20 Primarchs, the genetically-modified, superhuman children of the Emperor. He was actually a Chaos Primarch, having fallen during the events of the Horus Heresy, and doesn't return until the Emperor decides to sent Ultramarines and haul him back to Terra. Now, with his soul back and protected from Tzeentch and his minions in the Imperial Palace, he brings his wit and Insufferable Genius to the arguments within the Throne Room.

  • Accent Adaptation: He gets a thick Australian accent. He goes full-on Steve Irwin in the Crotalids short.
  • Accidental Murder: Kills Vulkan with the Engine of Woes in the midst of a pain-induced frenzy. He's noticeably horrified and regretful for it despite his earlier anger. Luckily, it's Vulkan, and he doesn't mind.
  • Achey Scars: Apparently, despite being partially incorporeal, his spine still suffers the pain of when Leman Russ broke it during the Horus Heresy as shown when Vulkan gives him a crushing hug and he starts screaming in pain.
  • Affectionate Nickname: When in a good mood, the Emperor calls him "my little Magnymagic."
  • Anti-Villain: Was this for the Horus Heresy, as he tried to warn his father with the best of intentions and fell to Chaos only to protect his legion. Technically still is this, given that his current goal is to circumvent the Emperor to fix the Imperium in his own way.
  • A Father to His Men: One of the few Chaos Primarchs to have an overwhelmingly positive relation with his Legion (at least, the ones not loyal to Ahriman). Indeed, they're so worried after he disappeared from the after-victory party in Sortarius they actually decide to contact the Emperor to check if he knows where Magnus is.
  • A Form You Are Comfortable With: He notes on one occasion that his Primarch form isn't really his true form anymore, but uses it as it is at least a friendlier face to wear. Interestingly, it seems that keeping the form up is rather uncomfortable to him and takes a considerable amount of effort to keep up, although being a Chaos-empowered Daemon Prince from the Warp forcing order upon himself is no easy task. Later this gets downplayed, as a chance encounter with Tzeentch leads to him stuck in his Demon Primarch form from The Wrath of Magnus, complete with huge feathery wings and horns. To Magnus' horror he can't shift back.
  • Amazing Technicolor Population: The moniker "The Red" didn't come from nothing.
  • Badass Bookworm: He's one of the most powerful Primarchs in existence, daemonic or not, and also a great pursuer of knowledge.
  • Berserk Button:
    • Any mention of Leman Russ and the Space Wolves is enough to enrage him, often to the point of dropping his humanoid disguise and revealing his full, daemonic form.
      • Hell, you don't even have to mention Leman Russ. Just reminding him that his spine is broken (which it is because of Russ), or that he isn't supposed to have one in the first place, will render him in dire need of a verbal Cooldown Hug.
    • He isn't fond of being mocked when he's confused about something.
    • He's Enraged by Idiocy, to the point that reading the Imperium's stupid questions makes him quite concerned he'll sink the world into hell in a bout of rage.
    • He gets quite annoyed by Tzeentch while the latter flips his cards endlessly.
    • Cherubs. He absolutely cannot stand Cherubs, and blows them up with his psionic bolts whenever one drifts into view. Possibly a case of Everyone Has Standards.
  • The Berserker: His true form, which he unleashes when he hears anything about the Space Wolves. He doesn't remember anything afterwards.
  • Big Red Devil: His One-Winged Angel true form. Normally he restrains himself into his Primarch shape, but some topics (such as the Space Wolves) make him slip badly.
  • Break the Haughty: As of Episode 23, it's revealed that his main motivation for going behind the Emperor's back is to break Big E's towering ego, and he's going to use Kitten to do it.
  • Calling the Old Man Out: He breaks the Emperor's aura of self-satisfaction with an angry critique of his father's actions and attitude. The Emperor being the Emperor, he manages to deflect most of it, but it seems to have some effect. Magnus even got the Emperor to admit having committed some mistakes, which is otherwise impossible due to the Emperor's ego.
  • Color-Coded Characters: Red, obviously, going from his appearance to his subtitles.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle:
    • He solves his battle with several thousand inquisitors with a flick of his wrist.
    • On the receiving end of one from Kaldar Draigo, getting beaten off-screen with a single blow.
  • Deadpan Snarker: His critique of the Imperium and his father are usually dry and witty. His critique of his brother, Lenman Russ, and the Space Wolves are too plain and passionate for this.
  • Dissonant Serenity: His strongest reaction to eighty percent of the Inquisition raiding the Imperial Palace is mild annoyance at people interrupting him.
  • Easily Forgiven: By Vulkan.
    Vulkan: I but want to give my brother a great, big "I'm not mad that you ruined everything forever" hug!
    • This especially holds true considering the fact he accidentally killed him with the Engine of Woes. Vulkan doesn't seem to hold that against him in the slightest, either.
  • Enraged by Idiocy: Has major problems with people who can't readily follow his train of thought. Which is a lot of people, considering who he is, but the Imperium's brand of idiocy readily pisses him off.
  • Everyone Has Standards:
    • A more humorous example than most in Special 4. He's about to mock the fact that in Yu-Gi-Oh! a huge play can be undone with a single card, only to catch himself and remark that he runs a Red/Blue deck in Magic: The Gathering so he doesn't have the right to criticize.
    • He also can't stand Cherubs, because he thinks the idea of taking a dead baby and turning it into a flying cyborg for "aesthetics" is just plain creepy. In episode #27, after sending Kitten and his Custodes off to Mars, he blows up a Cherub that wanders into his line of sight and then mutters to himself about how "disgusting" Imperials are for keeping them around.
  • Evil Brit: What Zegram was trying to sound like, but it blended with his natural Texan accent to produce an Australian sounding one. Later episodes decided to roll with it, having him channel the warp through a didgeridoo and dropping some Aussie slang. TTS Short #8:Crotalids took it the furthest by being a massive Affectionate Parody of Steve Irwin.
  • Fatal Flaw: Much like his father, arrogance. Magnus can be utterly impossible when he's entirely committed to something, and often doesn't react well to being challenged. Tzeetch took advantage of it in the past and Magnus only seems to have somewhat learned from the experience as he's once again going behind his father's back to do what he thinks needs doing. Also Magnus' arrogance, unlike his father's, is often coupled with a bad habit of acting without thinking when he really wants to do something.
  • Greek Chorus: Serves as this for the card game during the fourth special, where he's mostly a commenting spectator, barring flipping a coin and blocking Tzeench's mind-reading abilities.
  • Heel–Face Turn: The Emperor convinces him to rejoin him, though some lingering traces of Chaos mindset remain. With that in mind, his attempt to convince Kitten to "serve somebody else" indicates that he's now carrying out an independent plan of his own. It's implied that he genuinely wants to repair the Imperium and he doesn't have any plans to go back to Chaos, so the Heel-Face Turn seems to have stuck in that sense. However, he now wants to repair it his OWN way rather than by following the Emperor's orders, and he's now using Kitten to help him. While it's still too soon to know what exactly his plans are, the very least of his goal seems to be trying to take his father down a notch or two. Finally it is revealed, after Kitten's starting to get sick of being strung along and Magnus is forced to tell him to get him back on board that Magnus intends to get his father off the Golden Throne and let him live again.
  • Hero with Bad Publicity: A key figure in the Emperor's grand plan to un-fuck the Imperium, and almost everyone aside from Kitten and Vulkan still hate him because of what happened during the Horus Heresy. Granted, everyone thinks he's still a traitor because the Emperor is deliberately keeping that information away from everyone.
  • Hulking Out: Transforms into his much larger and more dangerous Daemon Prince form when angered enough.
  • Humanoid Abomination: Despite being a Daemon Prince, an eldritch horror from the Warp that can Mind Rape anywho who so much as takes a peek upon his true visage and eats souls like candy, he keeps himself restricted in his humanoid primarch form.
    • Becomes this further thanks to Tzeentch's direct influence, growing wings and a pair of horns.
    Magnus: I have nipples on my head!
  • Hybrid Power: As a half-daemon he gets access to all the powers of a daemon and the free will of a human.
  • Hypocrite: Wins Kitten over to his side pointing out that the Emperor is a jerk for constantly berating him, yet when he's mad he treats Kitten exactly the same way the Emperor does; even when he's calm his Enraged by Idiocy tendencies tend to keep him on the verge of snapping at Kitten for every little detail. The best thing you can say is that unlike his father, so far Magnus hasn't carried out any threats of physical violence.
  • Immortal Immaturity: More than ten thousand years old, mostly into comics, motorcycles, and magical tomes that he finds more interesting the more "forbidden" they are. He's very easy for the Emperor to rile up, like a moody teenager, and steals an Imperial ship to travel with Kitten instead of just teleporting because it will be more fun.
  • Ignoring by Singing: His preferred method of dealing with tales of the Emperor's sex life is the standard "LALALALALAA!"
  • Incoming Ham: His first words in the show?
  • Inferiority Superiority Complex: Which Tzeentch exploited the everloving hell out of to make him fall the first time 'round.
  • Insufferable Genius: He's incredibly intelligent and well-educated, and you will know that a minute in conversation with him. He really does know what he's talking about.
  • Irony:
  • Jerkass Has a Point:
    • While he's only doing it to get him to listen to him after being manipulated by the Custodes to give up the caretaker position, Magnus is right bringing up the fact that Kitten, for all his loyalty to the Emperor, is still treated like a Butt-Monkey and No Respect Guy by everyone else in the setting including the Emperor, not so differently from himself Pre-Heresy.
    • While having the High Lords assassinated would probably be going too far, he is absolutely right in pointing out just how idiotic and senile they are. In all honesty, if Magnus did claim control over the Administratum as intended, he probably COULD do a better job at running it than they did.
    • Magnus is totally right that the Emperor should have told at least to Primarchs about Chaos and that not doing this pretty much caused the entire Heresy.
  • Kidnapped by the Call: He's brought into the plot by being literally kidnapped from Sortarius by the Ultramarines.
  • Large and in Charge: He's almost five meters tall and one of the Imperium's legitimate princes. Amusingly, the Emperor mocks Magnus by saying he is one of the smallest Primarchs (although canon has him as the tallest of them, or close to).note 
    • His response is to point out that his height or lack thereof is entirely his choice, and the Emperor knows it.
  • Large Ham: He's prone to go dramatic over rather small things.
  • Like Father, Like Son: He notes a lot of similarities between him and his father and is not very happy about it. Emps himself points it out, "Like fucking father, like fucking son."
  • Lust Object: He's one of these for Custodisi, though he's unaware of it due to being away from Terra for so long.
  • Manchild: He goes all giddy when gifted a Space Marine Warbike. He also tends to act as a whiny teenager whenever his father bullies him, which is often. In Special 4 he acts like a stubborn little boy when told it's time for him to leave his playmate when Tzeentch tries to pull him back into the immaterium. Tzeentch even threatens to put him into time-out.
  • Manipulative Bastard: He takes advantage of the ill-timed bargain between the Fab Custodes and Kitten and the Emperor's Bad Boss tendencies to draw Kitten away from the Emperor, and convince him to help in his mission to restore the Imperium in a way that he sees fit.
  • Mis-blamed: In-Universe, the Emperor blames Magnus for the failure of the Human Webway project and the Horus Heresy, despite Kitten noting how it was Erebus who corrupted Horus. However, when finally explaining the events of the Heresy, he's fully aware that Magnus was manipulated by Tzeentch and Horus, leading to the destruction of Prospero by the Space Wolves, and when Kitten tries to ask why he blamed Magnus earlier, he ignores the question. Additionally, when Vulkan says that he is not mad at Magnus for "ruining everything forever", Magnus shouts "THAT WAS LORGAR's FAULT!" Lorgar indeed has a bigger share of blame in this case.
  • Mr. Exposition: When it comes to daemonic and Warp-related stuff, he takes the charge.
  • My God, What Have I Done?:
    • He's genuinely horrified when he realizes just how badly Horus and Tzeentch screwed him over during the Horus Heresy.
    • He shows genuine regret when he accidentally kills Vulkan with the Engine of Woes during his pain-induced frenzy, and doesn't even try to defend himself when Corax takes note of this. Luckily, it's Vulkan.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: Magnus's well-intentioned attempt to warn the Emperor about Horus's betrayal using psychic projection ended up annihilating the Human Webway Project, leaving the Emperor interred on the Golden Throne to prevent Terra from turning into a Daemon world and necessitating the Imperium's continued use of Warp travel, which is far more dangerous than the alternative.
  • Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!: He and a reluctant Kitten attack and kill the Terran High-Lords to gain authority over their forces. As it turns out, the High-Lords they attacked were all Xenos in disguise while the real High-Lords were stuck in a closet. Upon the release of the High-Lords, not only was Magnus now in the good graces of Decius, but the incident made the High-Lords rethink their positions in the Imperium and work toward serving humanity as a whole over themselves. Nonetheless, Magnus regards this as a personal failure (while the Emperor directly benefits from this).
  • Noblewoman's Laugh: He laughs like this in the transport ship to Nocturne because he is technically a nobleman (well, prince) and he is certainly haughty.
  • Noodle Incident: His true daemonic form is something whose existence he's too ashamed to admit. We finally get to see it in Episode 21.
  • "Not Important to This Episode" Camp: In episode 24 he and Kitten show up briefly after the credits only so that the viewers can learn that they've chosen to take a ship to Nocturne (instead of Magnus teleporting them) because Magnus wants to be nostalgic and have some fun.
  • Not So Above It All:
    • When he and Kitten leave for Nocturne, they go via spaceship. When asked why, since he could just teleport and return in an instant, Magnus snaps it's been millennia since he last used an actual ship and wants to enjoy the nostalgia while raiding the minibar, playing games and trolling daemons with his ouija board. Kitten turns out to be okay with it.
    • In the fourth podcast he's the only one willing to defend the book Inquisitor/Draco. He doesn't disagree that it's poorly constructed and consists largely of the author reveling in his various fetishes to the point that whole sections are effectively very niche porn; he's just having so much fun with the ridiculous Purple Prose that he enjoys it anyway. It helps that the actor can't read the quotes without Corpsing.
  • Older Than They Look: Ten thousand and counting, yet he's perhaps the most youthful-looking Primarch shown so far, especially when compared to Leman Russ and Rogal Dorn, who are grey-haired and fairly craggy in appearance.
  • Only Sane Man: The only one to think that melee may not be all that great in the world of heavy-ordnance cannons and railguns.
  • Precision F-Strike: The only time he cursed so far was while ranting about Russ.
  • Psychic Powers: One of the most powerful psykers in the galaxy, and the second most powerful human psyker after the Emperor himself.
  • Rage Breaking Point: When Magnus learns about Kitten losing his job as caretaker and decides to go and help, the Emperor mockingly tells him not to break everything again like last time "just as a reminder". Cue an audible *snap* and Magnus starts to plot behind Emperor's back by telling Kitten that Emps doesn't want him back.
  • Really 700 Years Old: Like all of the primarchs, Magnus was born shortly before the Great Crusade and has lived for several thousand years since.
  • Remember When You Blew Up a Sun?: Wearily asks why nobody remembers he punched one of Leman Russ' hearts into oblivion.
  • The Scapegoat: The Emperor wants him to take the blame for the disappearance of Karamazov and his entourage.
  • Shapeshifter Mode Lock: Tzeentch does this to him when he leaves the palace, forcing him into his Demon Primarch form with no ability to shift back. Magnus is terrified of the jokes his father will make about the wings.
  • Tranquil Fury: He takes his Rage Breaking Point remarkably well, as he starts to converse with Kitten over plotting against the Emperor.
  • The Unfavorite: Certainly feels like the (most) disrespected son, and given what the Emperor used to say about him, there may be a lot of truth in this.
  • Token Enemy Minority: While he is now technically aligned with the Emperor once again, he has not come to accept the Emperor's worldview, let alone the Imperium's. He's still a Chaos follower at heart, even though he does not serve the Dark Gods anymore. This is most obvious during the fourth podcast, where he gleefully trolls his father and messes with the rest of the cast by treating the awful text as So Bad, It's Good.
    • When told not to summon daemons to the throne room, he "makes no promises."
    • When Dorn asks him about Taco Tuesday vs. Taco Friday, Magnus declares Taco Tuesday to occur on Friday, enraging his father while Magnus gloats that "Choas" has prevailed in the most trollish way possible.
  • Unstoppable Rage: His fury over the Space Wolves is such that when he hears about them, he turns into an Eldritch Abomination and goes on a rampage.
  • Unwitting Pawn: Part of the reason behind his Heel–Face Turn is his realization that Horus and Tzeentch manipulated the events so that he'd have no choice but to fall.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Has shades of this with Kitten. Although Magnus clearly doesn't see Kitten as much of an equal (forgetting his name in episode 22, lying to him about the Emperor wanting him back), the two of them snark at each other a lot even before their secret alliance.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: Part of his motivations, as of Episode 23, is to do what he thinks is necessary to completely reform the Imperium from the inside out with Kitten helping him. Starting with ordering Kitten to assassinate the High Lords of Terra. Given the nature of this show, the results of his "extremism" are of course played for laughs and have not turned out the way he intended. His plan turns out to be restore the Emperor to his flesh and blood form... Using potentially corrupted Dark Mechanicus technology.
  • Winged Humanoid: Tzeentch forcibly morphs him into his updated Daemon Prince form in Special 4, complete with wings. He soon realizes that he can't turn back, and fears that The Emperor will make chicken puns at his expense. - something that the Emperor indeed does upon his return.
  • You Didn't Ask: He knew that Rogal Dorn was still alive (though not where), but didn't tell the Emperor under the assumption that he knew as well.


Ecclesiarch/Manclesiarch Decius XXIII, Keeper of The Imperial Faith
Watch that hat, it's about to go flying...

Voiced by: Kochiha Ichihara

The Ecclesiarch (later known as Manclesiarch) AKA the man in charge of maintaining the Imperial Faith, which makes him rather redundant once the Emperor decides to disband both the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition. Despite this little obstacle, he continues working for the good of the Imperium.

  • Arch-Enemy: Seems to consider Karamazov this. Just as it is in 40k canon Decius' hatred of Karamazov is a result of the matter of supposedly-Chaos-influenced preacher, Icarael of Salem Proctor, and Karamazov's burning the boy alive after six months of torture despite an equally long duration of repeated attempts by both the Ecclesiarchy and even other Inquisitors' demanding to see him. It went downhill when Karamazov finally let them see Icarael...when he was already a charred corpse.
  • Ascended Extra: In Warhammer 40000 lore, he's only been mentioned once in a Codex (that has long since been outdated) for the sole purpose of providing additional fluff for Fyodor Karamazov. In this series, he has an important role in the first and second seasons.
  • Barrier Warrior: He can make an energy shield with Rosarius. "The Emperor Protects!" It can keep out gunfire and grenades, but unfortunately, it is useless against "the funky monkey" technique.
  • Butt-Monkey: The High Lords of Terra seem to love messing with him. He suspects them of sending the "disband the Ecclesiarchy" message and they knock him out with an old shoe like it's par for the course.
  • Cool Hat: Inverted in-universe - everyone considers his Ecclesiarch headpiece to be a new low in terms of awful hats.
  • Everyone Has Standards: Given that he's an Only Sane Man, he's often outraged, disgusted or horrified by the acts of the people around him.
    • Two examples from the podcast on "Inquisitor": firstly, when they discuss Jaq's band of misfits stowing away aboard a Black Ship by claiming they are investigating a slavery ring that is abducting psychic children from the ships, he mentions that he really hopes he's reading too much into the book when he considers the "foul" implications it's offering. Second, he lets out a quietly horrified little "what?" when he learns that many of Boy's siblings were trampled to death whilst working on the pilgrimage line in the Imperial Palace.
  • Foil: To Karamazov in their approach to the Emperor's missive.
  • Good Shepherd: He tries to protect the Imperial Palace even when it's being attacked by the Inquisition.
  • Grumpy Bear: Living in a World Gone Mad clashing with trying to be a responsible adult produces this.
  • High Priest: His job was pretty much the equivalent to this before the Ecclesiarchy was disbanded.
  • Humanity Is Superior: Seems to be his mindset after the Emperor's reveal as he insists on calling Emps the "Man-Emperor of Mankind" because the gods of this verse are lame, crazy and/or ugly.
  • The Immodest Orgasm: When Emperor outlines his vision of humanity, Decius has a shout of high theological pleasure.
  • Irony: As Ecclesiarch of the Imperial Cult, in theory he embodies the utter perversion of the Imperial Truth and the Emperor's most basic ideals. In actuality, he's turned out to be one of the few Imperial leaders so completely devoted to the Emperor that he's willing to drastically reform his entire worldview to comply with the Emperor's true wishes.
  • Just You And Me And My Guards: Tries to pull this off on Karamazov during their first on-screen confrontation, but Karamazov has guards too.
  • Long List: As part of his Rousing Speech about how Humanity Is Superior to the gods and the Emperor is the greatest of humans, he name checks every other currently active godlike entity in the galaxy with a pithy quote as to why they suck.
  • Modest Orgasm: Seeing the Emperor with his own eyes puts him in what could be religious ecstasy.
  • My Friends... and Zoidberg: Defied at the end of his Long List of gods and why they're inferior to the Emperor in regards to Malal.
    "He doesn't exist, shut up!"
  • Nervous Wreck: Being the only sane Lord of Terra has taken its toll on him, as other High Lords note at one point.
  • Nice Hat: Decius gets touchy when people insult his hat.
  • Not a Morning Person: When Karamazov invades the palace, he sees Decius in his pajamas, with a large cup of coffee and grumpier than usual.
  • Only Sane Man:
    • The only High Lord of Terra to have a solid grasp on reality.
    • In the Slaaneshmaas special, he's the only one to point out that not only is Lucius' show bad, it also ruins centuries of Imperial propaganda to keep the existence of demons a secret.
  • Rated M for Manly: After the Emperor told him to stop calling him a god, he seems to be trying to replace his religious terminology with phrasing that praises the Emperor's manliness (and to consciously use his stronger Rousing Speech voice when doing so).
    "Oh my Holy Emp-, *cough* - I mean, OH BY MY MANLY MANPEROR!"
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: Likely the most reasonable of everyone in the Imperial Palace, period, and he works his best to stop Karamazov.
  • Rousing Speech: Gives one about how the Emperor is better than a god because he is human.
  • Selective Obliviousness: When he completely fails to notice Magnus standing right in front of him, the Primarch suggests that he's been conditioned to block out any proof of Chaos.
  • Send in the Clones: The Ecclesiarchy seems to be composed of dozens upon dozens of Decius' clones.
  • Something Else Also Rises: His hat is a good indicator of his arousal.
  • Throw the Book at Them: His and his retinue's main weapon against Karamazov and his inquisitorial task force is an absurd number of holy texts they just keep throwing at them. It's surprisingly effective for a while.
  • Undying Loyalty: Continues to support the Imperium even after he's fired and his entire belief is invalidated by the man he has believed to be a god. It's this loyalty that convinces the Emperor to put him in charge of the soon-to-be restored Ecclesiarchy and Inquistion.
  • Vocal Evolution: His voice goes from Tommy Lee Jones-esque grumbling to the kind of tone associated with many a Rousing Speech. Episode 23 even pokes fun of this, with him speaking with his first voice, before coughing and then continuing with his second. And in the third podcast, his gruff and grumbly voice returns every time he has to say something he really hates saying.

     The Custodes 

The Custodes, The Guardians of The Emperor.

The Emperor's personal bodyguards, some of the greatest and best-equipped warriors in the galaxy. However, their grief at their master's internment on the Golden Throne and the centuries of isolation have left them somewhat... peculiar, to say the least.

The Fabulous Custodes

Voiced by: Tim Scott (Karstodes), Captain Princess (Custodisi), Alfabusa (Whamuudes), Antfish (Diavodes), Takahata101 (Santodes)
Your Awkward and Trippy presence is not required.
The fabulous custodes are the ones we see the most often - in particular a trio called Karstodes, Custodisi and Whammudesnote , nicknamed "Fabulous Custodes" after their introductory episode. Then there's Santodes, who, after being briefly mentioned in Episode 12.5, is revealed to have been interred into a dreadnought.. and that did absolutely nothing to calm his fabulousness.
  • A Date with Rosie Palms: Dates of this nature are indulged but "Only on Thursdays". Kitten is distinguished from them by not partaking.
  • All There in the Manual: The names of the three Fab Custodes are only found in video descriptions and the end credits, though later videos show their names as part of the subtitles.
  • Ax-Crazy: While Custodisi feels bombing Terra is an effective method of squashing rebellion, Whamuudes takes outright joy in it and would really like to "kill all the normals." When called out on this, his only defence is "Don't kinkshame me!"
    • It should be noted that the one and only time so far that Whammudes has had his heart warmed by something Boy has done is hearing the young Vox-Serf express murderous bloodlust towards the protagonist of an absolutely awful piece of literature.
  • Badass Gay: They're a Badass Army of huge, well-armed Macho Camp supersoldiers that makes Space Marines look like normal humans in comparison.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: Karamazov sees them as a bunch of exhibitionist idiots, but they prove to be more than even his throne can take, and not in the way you may think. They're also able to fend off Magnus in his true Daemon Primarch form for a short time, at least until Kitten can summon Kaldor Draigo.
    • This is justified with the revelation that they are in fact Tribunes and Shield Captains (the deadliest among the Custodes hilariously enough).
  • Catchphrase: Karstodes always refers/addresses the Emperor as "Our Glorious Overlord" while Custodisi says "mmyes/yes" a lot when talking to the Emperor.
  • Divergent Character Evolution: They started out as being, essentially, The Trividual, but over time, and especially after stumbling into the Black Library and partaking in the podcasts, have grown to be separate characters.
  • Double Entendre: Their lines are filled up to brim with it.
    • Though Whammudes, in particular, seems to skip the subtext and go straight to single entendres and is far more obvious about his... hobbies
    "Ready to be opened up like a tube of lotion on Emperor's day!"
  • Dumbass Has a Point: The Emperor complains about the Custodes general lack of knowledge of the Imperium, but the Custodian he complains to points out that that sort of knowledge isn't actually in their job description.
  • Even the Guys Want Him: The only people not to be aroused by Fab Custodes are the Emperor, Karamazov and Kitten.
  • Everyone Has Standards: As Macho Camp as they are, even they are disgusted by just how depraved the Slaanesh forces are. And as unprofessional and self-absorbed as they are, they are still none too pleased by the Inquisitors they find harassing Terra's citizens.
    • Custodisi and Whammudes openly call out the Emperor for his asinine actions during the events of The Last Church.
    • Karstodes may be the most unpleasant of the trio, having a dim view of normal humans, but even he takes umbrage with Whammudes' constant desire to orbitally bombard innocent civilians.
    • Karstodes was hesitant to let Helbecht hurt Boy after the latter gave him a heartfelt compliment. Keep in mind that the compliment flustered Karstodes and he wasn't sure how to react to it and started making his insults towards Boy in a half-hearted manner.
    • Whammudes can't bring himself to be his usual self during the Vox-Cast review of Inquisitor, instead letting his voice positively ooze with disgusted contempt for its author and a general sentiment of "I wish I weren't here right now".
  • Exposed to the Elements: When rendezvousing with Ultramarines on some ice world, they wear the same next-to-nothing they do in the Imperial Palace, and seem only marginally bothered with cold. Justified, as they're super-soldiers.
  • Four-Star Badass: Part of the job description as Tribunes, although it has been a while since they commanded anything in all likelihood.
  • Go Mad from the Isolation: It's implied that the reason for their insanity is their prolonged isolation in the Imperial Palace.
  • Infectious Insanity: While they are already insane, they also feed off each other as seen in the Black Templar podcast. Once one of them starts to lose it, they all do.
  • It's All About Me: They cared more about an opportunity to take the position of Caretaker from Kitten than potentially the deaths of everyone in the Palace, themselves included during Magnus' rampage.
  • Large Ham: All of them but special mention goes to Santodes. Not even death could calm the Dreadnought's spirit.
    Kitten: I hadn't realized you were awake, Santodes.
  • Leitmotif: "Awaken" from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, and later a remix of it titled "Awaken My Quivering Abs".
  • Macho Camp: They're ridiculously well-muscled, walk around almost-naked all the times, and drop very, very transparent clues at being more than a little interested in each other. This extends to all of the Custodes, with even the younger generations still dropping entendres left and right and are just as homoerotic as their predecessors, even if they remain fully-clothed.
  • Madden Into Misanthropy: All of them to some extent despise normal humans. Custodisi and Karstodes take turns defending or hating on them while Whammudes has the lowest regard for them. He often expresses disinterest and lack of empathy for people subjected to mass sterilizations and orbital bombardments. In fact, Whammudes goes insane in the Black Templar podcast and declares that they should kill all the "normals" and even asks the Emperor to make him an Inquisitor so that he can use cyclonic torpedoes on the people. Despite this, when the Inquisition attacks Terra, they are all willing to jump in and protect the people.
  • Mildly Military: They're supposed to be an army of super-soldiers, but they don't even know who their commanding officer is - and don't really care, either. Not to mention their uniform standards. It also turns out that they're Tribunes, the elite-of-the-elite among the custodians. Of the three, Karstodes is the only one identified with a rank; specifically, shield-captain.
  • Mr. Exposition: With Kitten currently off doing his own thing with Magnus, Karstodes seems to have taken over this role as of Episode 23 in talking about the Space Wolves. Though the only reason why he was able to serve this role is because he threatened the information out of Kitten. In Episode 24 Custodisi has some information about Jaghatai Khan's actions during the battle of Terra and where he ran off to, but knows nothing about the White Scars' present state and can't find Kitten to torture.
    • In the podcasts, Wammudes is usually the one who reads from the books acquired from the Black Library, while the others discuss his quotations.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Custodisi and Whammudes are so traumatized by their meeting with Cegorach in the Webway that they lose their ridiculous flamboyance and act relatively normal. This continues into the podcast about the White Scars, where Custodisi, in particular, ends up taking on the role of The Straight Man against the Emperor and Rogal Dorn's more wackier antics.
  • Older Than They Look: Looking at the Custodes physiques, it's easy to forget that they were active combatants before the Horus Heresy. This would put every single Custodes around the tune of over 10,000 years old. The only reason this makes sense is that they're genetically engineered super-soldiers specifically made to last a really long time.
  • Perpetually Shiny Bodies: Their abs are constantly oiled. The Emperor threatens to throw a match at them one day, and Horus does that in April Fool's episode, setting them on fire.
  • Pet the Dog:
    • Custodisi takes the time to comfort Whammudes when they're being menaced by Cegorach outside the Black Library and Whammudes is terrified to tears of the Laughing God, even though he's quite clearly barely keeping it together himself.
    • They also manage to pull a minor Big Damn Heroes moment when they rescue a Terran citizen from a group of Inquisitors.
    • Karstodes begins to treat Boy better after the kid gives him a compliment. He still insults him but in a more half-hearted manner.
    • In Episode 27, while Dorn is talking about the War of the Beast to the Emperor, Karstodes takes the time to complement one of the Imperial Fists who led the defence of the Imperium against the Beast, Slaughter, even going so far to sing a miniature theme song about him. Particular noteworthy in comparison to his withering contempt of the Black Templars, some of Dorn's OTHER sons.
  • Please Put Some Clothes On: The Emperor asks them about this every time he sees them. They pretend not to hear him.
    • Episode 27 reveals that most of the younger Custodes actually wear their armour, it's just that the Companions took their master's enthronement a bit hard. They're still willing to strip if asked, and Lockwarden considers wearing "slick, black, gold-trimmed Allarus Temrinator Armor" to be just as erogenous as being naked.
  • Professional Butt-Kisser: Technically, they should all be. In practice, Karstodes is the biggest one in this regard as can be observed during the Last Church podcast; he agrees with the Emperor on every last thing and snaps at anyone that dares offend him, to the point of defenestrating a techpriest that called the Emperor an asshole.
    • The other Custodes subvert this to varying degrees. Whammudes at the very least acknowledge that the Emperor was an asshole during the events of the Last Church, and Custodisi thoroughly subverts the trope by openly calling the Emperor out on his actions and even playing Devil's Advocate on behalf of Uriah before the Emperor calls him from the Warp. Arguably, Custodisi is even less sycophantic than Kitten himself at this point.
  • Puzzlement About Payment: During the Q&A segment in the second episode of If the Emperor Had a Podcast sub-series, Karstodes is shown to not know what "pay" and "money" mean, believing them to be made-up words. That neither of his fellow Fabulous Custodes bother to say anything or even snicker in response strongly implies that this is true of them both as well, and possibly even the rest of the Custodian Guard.
  • Sanity Slippage: During the Emperor's crusade, they were his companions and finest warriors armed with the greatest armour and weapons the Imperium could muster. By the time the Emperor can start talking again, however, they've degraded to a bunch of barely dressed hedonists who spend all day just goofing off around the imperial palace and oiling their very muscular bodies. They also have periods of extremely manic behaviour which may have been on going for a while. Who knows what their original personalities were, but they are certainly different now. Also, it's possible that the Emperor regaining the ability to talk may occasionally make them worse since they, like Kitten and the rest of Imperium, fell into worship of their Lord. Now they are faced with a broken man that no longer resembles the man they remember (both due to them misremembering who he was and what his goals were and because the Emperor's mind is so fractured as to be unrecognizable). Custodisi has it the worst having been considered the "boring and mundane" one of the three. By the time the Black Templar podcast rolls around he is so frustrated with the Emperor's hypocrisy and inability to own up to it that he starts screaming how he has to guard "a screaming corpse on a Throne". Mind you, the term "corpse" is often used by traitors, heretics, and xenos to refer to the Emperor and is considered a grievous insult.
  • Shout-Out: Their names are based on three of the Pillar Men from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, and even their sprites are just Custodes heads from WH40K artwork that was photoshopped onto the three namesake Pillar Men's bodies. In one of the Q&A videos, Kitten implies the Custodes associated with the last Pillar Man (Santodes) was the Custodes who, unable to withstand a mere mortal upstaging him by standing between the Emperor and Horus in the Vengeful Spirit, almost killed himself unnecessarily by throwing himself at Horus shortly after (a later episode showed he survived the encounter, but was mortally wounded and is now stuck in Fabulous Custodes Pattern Dreadnought Armor). A fifth Custodes (Diavodes), this one based on the villain Diavolo of the same manga, loiters around the Imperial Palace.
  • Smug Super: In the If the Emperor had a Podcast sub-series the Fab Custodes make it clear that they think that the citizens of the Imperium are far, far below them and Karstodes refers to Boy, the vox-serf, as "it" and finds him obnoxious. Whammudes and Custodisi talk about modifying Boy as if he were a tool rather than a person.
    • There is a limit, at least with Karstodes, who opposes bombarding Terran citizens from orbit as it's not "arguing hard opinions" about turning to Chaos.
  • Stripperiffic: They are Walking Shirtless Scenes who wear nought but loincloths, helmets and some accessories, in contrast to Kitten's perpetual full-body armour. They also flatly refuse to wear any proper clothing, even when the Emperor himself commands it.
  • Testosterone Poisoning: Their muscles have muscles and this is played for as many laughs as possible. Santodes takes this to a full parody, with his Dreadnought being a shirtless, musclebound, long-haired hyper-masculine hunk.
  • Warts and All: Custodisi and Whammudes both acknowledge their ultimate loyalty to their lord, but after reading The Last Church, they have little illusions about him and outright call him an asshole.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: The Emperor calls them out on sitting in the Palace and procrastinating while the Imperium dies around them, and promptly kicks them out to do something useful.
    • In the podcasts, they end up taking this stance against the Emperor after they hear about The Last Church and other infamously hypocritical events in the Imperium's early history, which isn't helped by the Emperor's refusal to admit his shortcomings. In The Black Templars, Dorn's Angry Boys, Custodisi seems to take particular umbrage with the Council of Nikea and launches into a tirade about it.


  • Book Dumb: Out of the trio Karstodes is the only one who can't read, something Whamuudes and Custodisi give him grief over and Karstodes tries to compensate for.
    • As of the third Podcast, he seems to have started to overcome this by learning to read. If only he could read the right book.
  • Borrowed Catchphrase: In the third podcast Episode 2: The Black Templars, Dorn's Angry Boys Karstodes makes "[boy noises]" when the Emperor allows everyone to point and laugh at him for not knowing how to read.
  • Hypocrite: After spending the third podcast constantly making nasty passive-aggressive remarks about the Black Templars to get a rise out of Rogal, he gets upset and calls out Custodisi for being a Servile Snarker himself.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Karstodes claims to be utterly disgusted by the daemons of Slaanesh. This coming from a guy who never wears any armour on and all but oozes Camp Gay tendencies. The Emperor doesn't even bother to humour the trope.
  • Jerkass: He is a complete asshole towards the Boy for no good reason. He also takes every opportunity to rib on Rogal Dorn for the behaviour of the Black Templars. Though this is balanced by the fact that he does NOT tolerate genocidal tendencies towards regular humans, unlike Whammudes.
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Karstodes acts like a smug asshole, taking credit and "calling it" on topics he knows nothing about such as the White Scars or what the topic of the Podcast will be and rubs it into Adornable's face.
  • Manchild: Karstodes acts more like a snotty boy and a bully, picking on Boy for absolutely no reason other than he can and likes pushing Adornable's buttons to see what he can get away with. Nobody likes him for it but they all have to put up with it.


  • Abhorrent Admirer: He has made several passes towards Magnus (thought the latter has not been around to become aware of this). The Emperor however is, and responds by first slapping him around, then literally slapping him with a restraining order, threatening to dangle his lower regions in front of Skarbrand, and finally deleting him from existence.
  • Badass Mustache: Custodisi claims to have a magnificent one underneath his helmet.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Surprisingly, after his personality is "normalized" by his traumatic encounter with Cegorach, Custodisi starts developing these tendencies every so often in the White Scars podcast.
  • The Generic Guy: The Emperor considers Custodisi "the unnotable middleman" who leaves only a fraction of the impression of the other two and overall the least conspicuous. This is probably the reason why the Emperor gets along with or at least tolerates his presence more than the other two. This Becomes a case of disrespect when the trio are revealed to be Tribunes (the second-in-commands to the Captain-General. However during the Podcast sub-series he starts developing a characterization of his own, the less debauch (toward the Emperor) and more sarcastic member of the trio, making comments when he can, though he eventually also shows an attraction toward Magnus that borders on and exceeds sexual harassment that completely disgusts the Emperor due to their pseudo-filial relationship.
    Custodisi: "Yes, I'm pretty mundane aren't I?"
  • Insistent Terminology: He always refers to the Horus Heresy as the Horus Humbug.
  • Servile Snarker: As a part of his Character Development Custodisi goes from the boring generic one to this, especially after the second podcast. He opens comments and jokes about Whammudes and the codex of the day they found in the Black Library and even going against the Emperor. He plays the Devil's Advocate for Uriah and still feels that the Emperor is a huge asshole even when Uriah is shown as a Chaos Priest. It took Kitten a while to disobey the Emperor while it only takes Custodisi two podcasts to admit the Emperor is an asshole for what he did.
  • Uncertain Doom: While The Emperor says "Delete" after Custodisi makes one too many passes at Magnus, it's not clear what he actually did to him.


  • Achievements in Ignorance: his over-greased sliding around leads him to accidentally falling through the Webway portal and discovering the one part that leads straight to the Black Library.
  • Everyone Has Standards: Misanthropy and status as a Cloud Cuckoo Lander Fabulous Custodes aside, even he's disgusted by the Inquisitor Draco novel.
  • Madness Mantra: Whammudes' hatred of the "normals" overwhelms him to the point he is reduced to chanting "Maim! Kill! Burn!" at one point.
  • Transhuman Treachery: Whammudes has a fairly disturbing outburst near the end of the Black Templars podcast where he blames all of the Imperium's woes and flaws on the "normals" being utterly imperfect, and goes full Khornate in wanting them all bombarded to hell. Even Karstodes blew up at him for that.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: After meeting Cegorach, clowns. An offhanded mention of clowns in episode 27 is enough to make him jump in fright.


The answer to the question "What if one of the Fabulous Custodes became a dreadnought?", Santodes ended up in his current state after he "heroically" sacrificed himself by jumping between Horus and the Emperor. After having removed his armour. And after Kitten had pointed out that a random guardsman had just done the same thing.

Kitten (reluctantly) calls upon him to provide heavy support during his mission to Mars.

  • Agent Peacock: Santodes features glorious locks of wavy golden hair and demands that he be oiled and his locks be hydrated before he'll join Kitten on his mission.
  • Brick Joke: The first time Santodes is mentioned, it was in episode 12.5 with Kitten bringing him up as having followed the seemingly random guardsman in pulling a Heroic Sacrifice to save the Emperor. 14 episodes later, it handily explains why he's now in a Dreadnought.
  • Bishounen Line: His Dreadnought shell is remarkably statuesque compared to the other models the Custodes use and has a head of flowing locks, to the point where it's be difficult to tell he's not just an exceptionally large Custodes.
  • Incoming Ham: Kitten is standing around berating some sleepy dreadnoughts being unable to wake up, despairing that he needs brawn for his mission. This is responded to by an offscreen Santodes
    "Did somebody say... BRAWN"?
  • Nice Guy: Uniquely among the Fabulous Custodes, he actually seems to respect Kitten, saying that it's good to hear his voice, and giving him constructive criticism upon seeing him without his armour on. He also agrees with Lockwarden that the Shadowkeepers black terminator armour is awesome.
  • Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: While it's completely one-sided, Kitten seems to have particular animosity for him, going by his tone of voice and frustrated responses. And if the implication it was Kitten that suggested he jump in front of Horus way back when is true, the animosity's been there for quite a while.

Lockwarden, Shield-Captain of the Shadowkeepers Shield-Host

Voiced by: Connor McKinley (Lockwarden)

Responsible for guarding and containing the secrets buried beneath the Imperial Palace, including dealing with ancient dark-tech abominations, Lockwarden and his men are among the sanest members of the Custodes, to the point that they all wear armour.

Lockwarden himself actually treats the Captain-General with the respect he deserves, and is apparently his go to guy when he needs comforting after (totally not canon) break ups.

  • Nice Guy: Lockwarden not only treats Kitten with respect, but is happy to give him a shoulder to cry on and encouragement to move on after Shadowsun broke up with him.
  • Only Sane Employee: Lockwarden and his men appear to be the only group of Custodes that don't have any major mental issues or flaws. It helps that they have to actually deal with dangerous abominations on a daily basis, meaning they actually had something to keep them occupied.
  • Sunglasses at Night: The Lockwarden wears a permanent set of sunglasses even while patrolling the lightless Vaults underneath the Palace. Half of his dialogue ends with a sunglasses-wearing-emoji.

Hammurabi Unferth, Shield-Captain of the Emissaries Imperatus Shield-Host

Voiced by: Randolph Carter

Leader of the Heralds of the Golden Throne, master of the guilt-trip, extremely passive-aggressive, and evidence that, simply because a Custodes decided to keep wearing his armour, doesn't mean he's completely sane.

Called upon by the Captain-General to help with negotiations during his mission to Mars.

  • Only One Name: Notably averted. While all Custodes do have more than one name (due to them gaining additional ones for performing great deeds), he is the only one besides Kitten who has had more than one of his names revealed, and is the only one to regularly use more than just one name.
  • Passive-Aggressive Kombat: He hasn't had a single line that wasn't oozing with passive-aggressiveness, apparently brought on by becoming a master of the guilt-trip.

     The Centurion/Rogal Dorn 

The Centurion/"Adorable"/Rogal Dorn/"Adornable", Primarch of The Imperial Fists
And his name is... 

Voiced by: SuperAnchors

The Primarch of the Imperial Fists legion. Initially disguised as a Centurion who helped calm the Emperor's rage after seeing the dreadknight, he revealed himself to prevent the accidental releasing of Magnus the Red's rage at the mention of the Space Wolves. He has since become a steadfast, and for the Emperor, an exasperating and inescapable presence within the Golden Throne's chamber.

  • 24-Hour Armour: Prior to his reveal in episode 20, he was never seen without his Centurion suit of power armor. Even after his true identity is revealed, he still wears the armor, but usually takes off the helmet.
  • Affectionate Nickname: "Adorable"/"Adornable" is refered to as "Dadorable" by Boy, the vox-serf, as the Imperial Fist is the only one who actually tries to watch over him and protect the boy from the bullying of the Fab Custodes.
  • Ambiguous Disorder: His odd speech patterns, sense of humour, intense passion for fortifications, and seeming inability to understand metaphors are reminiscent of Asperger's Syndrome and a few other mental conditions.
  • An Arm and a Leg: His left hand dropped off from overuse of the Pain Glove, and was turned into the Imperial Fists' most sacred relic. He doesn't want it back now.
  • Badass Mustache: Rogal has a very impressive muttonchop-mustache adorning his fuzzy face.
  • Berserk Button:
    • One of the few things that upset him (even if only mildly, the fact it upsets him to start with is notable) is apparently smashing perfectly serviceable furniture for the sake of a cheap slapstick gag.
      THAT is something I CAN NOT forgive.
    • He disapproves of the information on the White Scars found in Chapter Approved: Book of the Astronomican during the podcast, condemning it as a terrible and inaccurate record and pointing out how dumb several of the details are, like how the Scars call their apothecaries "medics" and how they keep an entire company that only consists of three squads with no captain or commander (while also plagiarizing the name of the Soul Drinkers, rightfully pointing out the real Soul Drinkers are a successor chapter of the Imperial Fists.)
      • His Rage Breaking Point comes with the idea that any astartes chapter would create space marines out of navigators, deeming it a waste of priceless gene-seed to create space marines that are permanently restricted to a non-combat role aboard starships. He actually criticizes the Emperor for trying to defend the idea, speaking in an uncharacteristically harsh tone of voice, and Whammudes has to quickly break up the confrontation.
    • In the Black Templars podcast, it becomes painfully clear how much he outright hates the Black Templars for their Ax-Crazy attitudes, being reminded very unpleasantly of Sigismund, the original Black Templar who betrayed everything Rogal and the Fists as a whole stood for when he abandoned a critical mission due to the words of a Mad Oracle(to the point he outright calls Helbrecht Sigismund at several points). All the more worse considering they're one of his own Space Marine chapters. Though he does soften up towards them a little, or at least to Helbrecht, near the end.
    • He also started the Dorn Heresy over an argument about which day tacos should be consumed on.
  • Big "NO!": Has a big one when the Boy learned of the word "pussy" (although he pronounced it "gussy"). He has a smaller one (but still much more emotive than his usual "no") when the Boy said he can stay alive for a week drinking his own blood.
  • Blunt Metaphors Trauma: When he attempts to use metaphor to describe the Emperor as The Chessmaster, his analogy is so basic and amateur that it elicits groans from those present, especially since he's especially worried he's being too esoteric to be followed.
    The Emperor: Wow. Baby's first metaphor.
  • Blunt "Yes": Blunt "No"s, too, both are a specialty of his. He's simply too straightforward to even ponder a question or consider giving a different answer.
  • Brutal Honesty: Just like the Emperor remembers, he doesn't hold back when it comes to telling the truth, even if it's both ill-timed and terribly insulting to the Emperor. He's similarly blunt and direct about positive things, like how much he loves him.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Despite being more than a little off in the head, he's still a primarch. He fought off Abbadon's first Black Crusade about eight thousand years ago, and when Magnus went into true form rage mode he threw up a fortified mini-bunker out of psyker-resistant metal in about a minute.
  • Catchphrase: "No". Keep in mind that the same soundclip is used nearly every time for this line.
  • Chekhov's Gunman: Appears in the first few episodes with no speaking roles, reappears in the second questions video entirely to calm down the Emperor (again, without speaking), and THEN appears in the season 2 finally, this time finally speaking up to reveal he is actually Rogal Dorn.
  • The Comically Serious: His straight-faced demeanor, utter ignorance of metaphors and sarcasm, and general refusal to consider anything but the base truth paints him as this in this particular interpretation of the WH40K universe. And then there's his job as the Emperor's teddy bear to calm him down and prevent enormous warp storms, which he takes very, very seriously (seemingly without realizing the Emperor fired him from this job once he found out).
    The Emperor: Damn it, Rogal, I know. Stop being as sensible as a piece of wood, you fistless sack of sassy sauce.
    Rogal: There is no such sauce product...
  • Cooldown Hug: Giving the Emperor those is his primary job. However, upon the grand reveal of his true identity, The Emperor would like to have him as far away as possible.
  • Creative Sterility: Any tactic beyond building or smashing down walls requires him to use the Pain Glove to come up with a solution, as the agonizing torture will at least give him alternate ideas.
  • Crippling Overspecialization: His general response to a threat is to immediately resort to siege tactics, both offensively and defensively. He has trouble with doing anything outside of smashing or building fortifications. Coming up with anything more creative has him relying on the Magic Pain Glove to give him a solution, and even accepting a shift like adapting the Codex Astartes required him to spend seven days in agonizing torture.
  • The Cuckoolander Was Right:
    • He's certainly a bit strange but he was VERY right in trying to keep the Emperor and Kitten from mentioning and praising the Space Wolves around Magnus.
    • He's also right about it being possible to end Chaos: as powerful as it is, Chaos still needs the thoughts and emotions of living things to sustain itself, so if all life in the galaxy were to suddenly die, Chaos would cease to exist.
  • Cuteness Proximity: Is so cute that he can calm the Emperor down from shitting Warp Storms. That is until he reveals his true identity as Rogal Dorn, after which the Emperor cancels their nightly cuddle sessions.
  • Deadpan Snarker: For someone whose entire character up until this point revolves around Literal-Mindedness and Brutal Honesty to the extreme, he drops some excellent quips in Episode 23. In Episode 25, the Emperor expresses his hate for his constant sass-blasting.
  • Death By A Thousand Cuts: His constant overuse of the pain gauntlet caused his hand to fall off.
  • Department of Redundancy Department: He opens up his story of what happened with the Imperial Fists after the Horus Heresy with "Once upon a time, I was me."
  • Dramatic Unmask: Does this at the end of season 2, taking off his helmet and revealing his true identity.
  • Everyone Has Standards: He doesn't like the Black Templars, even though they are a Successor chapter to the Imperial Fists, as they are a bunch of absolute lunatics, hence they don't have the word "Fists" in their name.
  • Fluffy the Terrible: His Wall Name is "Adorable," which doesn't quite impose the gravitas of one of the most powerful beings in the entire Imperium who is also running around in a massive suit of siege power armor.
  • Foreshadowing: His interest in Q&A session and him being of Imperial Fists are the only clues you'll get that he's none other than Rogal Dorn. He also tries to stop them from discussing the Space Wolves, which slams Magnus' Berserk Button, triggers a rampage of his true form, indirectly puts the Fab Custodes as the Emperor's caretakers, and sends Kitten straight into Magnus' web.
  • Freudian Slip: Refers to Helbrecht as Sigismund several times during the voxcast.
  • Generation Xerox: As heard in Podcast 3, his admittedly rare Big "NO!" is identical to his father's in His prime.
  • Gentle Giant: He might be clothed in one of most powerful suits of armour of the Imperium, but his job is essentially Emperor's teddy bear. In the podcasts, he also acts as a parental figure to the vox-serf Boy, and defends him from the others' abuse.
  • Given Name Reveal: Enough to be a season-end Wham Line and Cliffhanger.
  • Gosh Darn It to Heck!: He finds the Emperor having to use this kind of language to get around censors during the podcast intensely amusing, to the point where he can barely contain a giggle when the former uses "fudge" as a curse.
  • Hidden Depths: His literal-mindedness and focus on siege tactics and Creative Sterility belie the fact that he is way, way wiser than he looks. He sees right through the Emperor's deceptions, has extensive knowledge of the modern day Imperium's workings, and quite a bit of his frustrating focus on literal meanings seems to be intentional misunderstanding to annoy others.
  • Hidden in Plain Sight: What's the best place for a prince of the Imperium to hide? Among the Palace staff, of course! Though it probably helps that he'd been presumed dead for thousands of years, and wears 24-Hour Armour.
  • Interface Spoiler: Averted. When he talks, his text isn't given his trademark gold color until he reveals himself.
  • Late-Arrival Spoiler: At the time of writing, it has been known that the Centurion is Rogal for nearly three years, and he has featured in multiple thumbnails, and is a big part of the podcasts.
  • Leitmotif: That Centurion..., which first played during the flashback in episode 24.
  • Literal-Minded: He seems to take everything said to him at face value, whether it's an insult or something even slightly metaphorical.
    The Emperor: "The only Rogal-related thoughts I have been having is how nice it would be if he could build some kind of wall barring all the stupid shit that is going on in the galaxy from entering my comfort zone."
    Rogal Dorn "Fecal matter does not have mental capacity. You do not require fortifications against it."
    • There are some indications that his literal-mindedness is at least partially an act to infuriate and confuse everyone around him. In the first podcast, the Custodes call him out on a few of these where he obviously went out of his way to misunderstand for the sake of a joke. Elsewhere, he implies that he does understand metaphorical and proverbial concepts, so it's not clear which of his misunderstandings are real and which ones are him screwing with everyone. Reality is, after all, the biggest joke to him.
      • That said, he did take the Emperor's demand that he go play in traffic at face value - though he was intent on bringing along a cement mixer and reinforcing the freeway, as is his wont.
  • Manchild: He wants a bike because he wants to go fast like Magnus. His reaction when he gets his wish? "Yey. Bike."
  • Noodle Implements: We may never see his tree fort, but given that he's a Primarch, proclaims to be the best tree fort maker in the galaxy and demands twelve thousand laborers for the project, it must be the stuff of legends.
  • Not So Above It All: When he learns that Magnus was gifted a bike by the Emperor, Rogal asks if he can have one, too.
  • Not So Stoic:
    • By the third Podcast (The Black Templars, Dorn's Angry Boys) Adornable is brought to seething anger at the Emperor and calls him out on all of his bullshit for both this Podcast and the last one, where the Emperor did nothing to defend himself against his opponent and refused anything else because "[he's] the Emperor and [he's] always right".
    • On a lighter note, he sounds on the verge of Tears of Joy upon learning his brother Leman Russ is still alive. He's also visibly excited when he learns Vulkan and Corvus have also returned.
  • Papa Wolf: His stoic manner usually devolves into Tranquil Fury when someone picks on or tries to hurt Boy.
    • In the 3rd podcast episode he pulls a shotgun on Wammudes and says he's willing to risk installing a window in the imperial palace to throw his body out of it when Wammudes makes a veiled threat to Boy. Wammudes is actually cowed by the threat. Karstodes however is unphased as he thinks himself too well oiled to be grabbed by the Primarch.
  • Parental Substitute: Acts as one to Boy during podcasts, being the only one who is supportive, or defends the boy from Karstodes' abuse. Boy in turns calls him "Dadorable".
  • Pet the Dog: In the If the Emperor had a Podcast sub-series he's usually the one to stick up for Boy, the vox-serf, whenever the Fab Custodes start bullying him. He even walks with Boy into the Sanctum Imperialis...well, tries to as he's a hulking superhuman in power armor that makes others look wimpy and Boy is a malnourished and pasty kid of indeterminate age carrying a heavy vox-caster (in the shape of a large and very ornamental microphone). He cheers Boy on telling him he can do it despite the fact that Boy is clearly struggling. He also tells Whamuudes to pipe down when he bad mouths the unwashed masses of the Imperium, stating they deserve the barest respect for fulling their purpose for the Imperium. Boy refers to him as "Dadorable" partially out of this (and partially due to him being uneducated).
  • The Quiet One: He doesn't speak at all until the time comes for him to reveal his face.
  • Really 700 Years Old: Ten thousand, at least, but doesn't look nearly that old.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: Dorn hates the Codex Astartes with a passion and resented Guilliman for trying to force it on all the loyalist space marine chapters. In the end, however, he agreed to accept it and follow its doctrines despite his disgust: In the immediate aftermath of the Emperor's mortal wounding at Horus's hands, Dorn realized that the Imperium absolutely could not afford any in-fighting.
  • The Reveal: He's actually Rogal Dorn.
  • Ridiculously Fast Construction: He is able to assemble a massive wall of psyker-resistant metal in a matter of minutes with no forewarning. Being an Imperial Fist, of course, this is only natural.
  • Sarcasm-Blind: Part-and-parcel with being The Comically Serious.
  • Serious Business: from the podcast, during the closing Q&A session, he intensely disagrees with the Emperor on the correct day to eat tacos, claiming that Tuesday is the best day for its Added Alliterative Appeal and hope-bringing qualities, while the Emperor wants them eaten on Friday where neither of those are true. His love of Taco Tuesday is so great that he even reveals that he'd tricked the Emperor into eating turkey tacos on the day Rogal had rejoined the Imperium, which was a Tuesday. The Emperor is horrified by this betrayal, and shocked by the fact that Rogal had actually lied about something.
  • Stating the Simple Solution: In episode 24 he points out that his unmatched knowledge of the palace means he could personally resolve the current problem the Emperor is acting concerned about immediately. The Emperor tries to use emotional manipulation on him like he does everyone else, only for Rogal to call his excuse out as a lie. The Emperor ends up directly asking him to "just let daddy pull his strings, okay?"
  • The Stoic: When talking about how enraged he was, Rogal sports the same blank expression he wears whenever not using the Magic Pain Glove. Hell, the only time he even emotes is when his hand falls off when he used the Glove a little too much and seeing how he never does, this seems pretty major.
    Your services are no longer required.
  • Suddenly Voiced: Doesn't say a word until the end of episode 20, when he suddenly yells at Kitten to stop discussing the Space Wolves.
  • The Voiceless: As the Centurion, he has no lines, and generally just drops in to comfort the emperor. He speaks after The Reveal, so presumably he was doing this to prevent the Emperor from recognizing his voice.
  • That Makes Me Feel Angry: How he generally voices his emotions.
    I am slightly INFURIATED.
  • Too Dumb to Fool: Though dumb may not quite be the right word, his oddities make him see right through the Emperor's usual manipulative tactics, and he has to outright ask him to just let him pull his strings.
    Stop reading my actions like I am some sort of spooky pop-up book.
  • Tranquil Fury:
    • In his flashbacks, he mentions being completely consumed by rage after the Heresy ended. Of course, the artwork for his face doesn't change at all.
    • We witness some of this during the third Podcast, as his rage slowly builds after both an argument with the Emperor and having to put up with the worst of his estranged sons the Black Templars all at once. Emps even refers to it as a cold abyss of rage that could well devour the aforementioned Black Templar whole.
  • Troll: The first podcast has several instances where the Custodes call him out on being intentionally obfuscating about literal meanings. He's apparently been doing this for a while just to annoy everyone.
  • Undercover Cop Reveal: More like Undercover Primarch.

     High-Lords of Terra 

The High-Lords Of Terra, The Government of Humanity

The Master of the Administratum voiced by: The Fresh Sorcerer
Grand Provost Marshal voiced by: Earndil
Lord Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard voiced by: Karl the Deranged
Fabricator-General of Mars voiced by: Glowtide

Consisting of Decius, the Fabricator-General of Mars, Grand Provost Marshal, Lord Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard, The Master of the Administratum, Lord Inquisitor Fyodor Karamazov, and Kitten (who rarely attends meetings) they are the group that was responsible of taking care of the Imperium wile the Emperor was out of action. Let's just say that due to them all being rather senile and lacking common sense, they were not doing that good of a job.

  • Actually a Doombot: It appears the real High-Lords of Terra were locked inside a closet for a while, and the ones seen were shapeshifting aliens posing as them, save the Fabricator-General who was an extra body that was reprogrammed. Kitten and Magnus found this out by shooting them (with the intent to actually kill them). Kitten at least gets the real ones to consider making some laws that help people, for once, and they even seem to listen and try it.
  • Anything but That!: Let's just say that they dread the mere mention of the Old Folks' Planet and would avoid it at all costs.
  • Body Horror: They have a lot of unpleasant-looking mechanical parts.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: As mentioned before, common sense is not their strong suit.
  • Dystopian Edict: Their first appearance is them holding a meeting to outlaw laxatives, having already outlawed speaking the name of the Old Folks' Planet. They seem to be under the impression that banning things like this is exclusively what High Lords are supposed to do. They later go on to outlaw breathing.
  • Grumpy Old Man: They're all old, grouchy, stereotypes but this is especially true with the Lord Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard, who makes "back in my day" jokes and "prune juice" jokes.
  • Hidden Depths: For all their idiocies and lack of connection with reality, they are at least loyal.
    • Captain General Kitten has served the Emperor for over 10,000 years. Ironically, despite being a genetically augmented Super Soldier whose mind has been messed with to ensure loyalty, he's probably the least loyal of the High Lords, as he's ignored several direct orders from the Emperor himself and is currently colluding with Magnus, albeit to "Make the Imperium Great Again".
    • Decius tries to follow the Emperor's will, obeying strange decrees such as not fortifying the Imperial Palace after an Inquisitorial attack, but still fights back when the Inquisitors invade full force. He's also smart enough to realise just how difficult it would be to search all of Terra and question its entire populace, when Fyodor thinks the Inquisition can do it in only a few days, pointing out that, regardless of his resources, it's very hard to organise any sort of operation on a massive hive world.
    • The four senile High Lords will obey the Emperor's decrees. Even when the Emperor takes away their authority to pass new laws, their response is to cry, say "Ah Fiddlefucks" and curse Magnus.
    • Even Fyodor, for all his violent insanity, believes the Emperor's decree to disband the Inquisition to be a heretical lie (a not-unreasonable position to take in the current Imperium) and tries to get to the bottom of it.
  • It's All About Me: They're drawn from the ranks of the Imperium's notoriously self-centered nobility, so this is a given. It was a dizzying revelation to most of them that doing things for the benefit of other people is actually possible.
  • Lazy Bum: The Master of the Administratum aspires to retire and live on welfare so that he can, in his own words, "FEEL like a useless piece of shit". Keep in mind that he was already doing just that while still having one of the most important jobs in the Imperium.
  • Obliviously Evil: The High Lords have been imposing draconian and nonsensical laws on the Imperium for millennia, but it seems that the main reason the latest bunch have been such lousy rulers is that it never occurred to them they could actually try to improve things. The senility probably didn't help.
  • Only Sane Man:
    • Outside of Kitten and Decius, the High Lords of Terra are a bunch of incompetent morons.
    • The Lord Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard doesn't seem to have reached senility quite just yet, at least when compared to the rest of the High-Lords. He's the only one who argues against banning laxatives and air and has enough functioning brain cells to make a pretty badass rap of his own. He's also the first High-Lord to seriously consider giving the everyday citizens of the Imperium benefits (specifically his Guardsmen), even openly praising them for their courage in fighting xenos and Heretics.
  • Pet the Dog: Kitten encourages the High-Lords to pass decrees and edicts that would actually benefit the people of the Imperium for a change. The Lord Commander of the Imperial Guard is the first to acknowledge and accept this new way of thinking (see the above entry) in a serious manner. The Fabricator-General then promptly plays this trope for laughs by claiming that he will personally go to Mars and make things better for the Mechanicus serving them Oil Margaritas.
  • Unexplained Recovery: The Fabricator-General hits a fatal error while trying to say "buttcheeks" and explodes, only to reappear without fanfare later. This may actually be justified considering how much of him is machine. Episode 27 reveals that it's actually because he's using the Proteus Protocol tech to keep himself alive.


Boy, Humble Vox-serf
The long suffering serf.
Voiced by: Nostalgia

A boy of indeterminate age, "Boy" has the privilege of serving as a vox-serf in the Imperial Palace not just for the the Adeptus Custodes and an Imperial Fist space marine but also for the Emperor himself. Unfortunately for him he's often the punching bag for when things go wrong and is often ignorant when it comes to the topics at hand. Is apparently friends with Billy.
  • A Dog Named "Dog": Since getting tongue-tied in the first podcast, this vox-serf is christened "Boy" by the Emperor himself, whether he likes it or not.
  • all lowercase letters: His subtitles, befitting his overall smallness in both stature, world, knowledge, etc.
  • Audience Surrogate: Serves as one in-universe as he's the average Imperial citizen: clueless about pretty much everything outside of the limited learning needed for his job and listens to the podcast members discuss things he can barely understand.
  • Book Dumb: As with many citizens Boy knows only as much as he needs to about his job, which is to say very little. He often asks questions like "What's a Alcohol" and thinks that the Techpriest Reimleiz the Theorist is in fact Death and has come to take him when all he had come to do is ask stupid questions per usual. As of the third podcast he's picked up quite a bit, and is apparently getting tutoring from Lord Adorable. AKA: Rogal Dorn.
  • Butt-Monkey: He's often the butt of most of the insults from the Custodes.
  • Catchphrase: More of a "Signature Noise", Boy tends to make a pitiful whimper whenever the Custodes or guests yell at him.
  • Conditioned to Accept Horror: During the podcast reviewing "Inquisitor", the first book in the Inquisition War trilogy, he mentions casually towards the end that a number of his siblings were sent to work catering to the vast pilgrimage line into the Imperial Palace, and all of them were trampled to death. He talks about their deaths like he was talking about the weather, and actually manages to horrify Decius.
  • Eye Scream: Gets mug shards in his eye during Podcast Episode 2. He tries hating it (as in using The Power of Hate) out of his eye but of course, it doesn't work. He does inexplicably get over the pain quite quickly though, and later just complains about the fact he can't see out of that eye anymore.
  • Flat Character: He has very little characterization due to not being allowed to speak unless spoken to. Seeing how the pilot podcast is about things like the comprehensive history of the White Scars, he really has barely any reason to speak at all. He is addressed more often starting in Podcast Episode 2, and his personality develops from there. It turns out Boy is clever enough to make accurate deductions based on the limited information he has.
  • Goal in Life: Dreams of becoming a Space Marine. Given who's all but adopted him, it's a near if not certain to happen dream.
  • Hidden Depths: As stated above Boy can be surprisingly smart and has big dreams (and with Rogal Dorn - a frakkin' primarch! - adopting him, he might have a chance reaching that dream).
  • Raven Hair, Ivory Skin: As seen by his podcast symbol Boy has very dark hair and in Episode 1 of the podcast (the second episode) he is described by the Fab Custodes as having very pale skin, most likely due to having the privilege of living in the Imperial Palace for his entire life and thus seeing no sunlight.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Despite his occasional moments of cleverness, he apparently thinks he can stave off starvation by drinking his own blood.
  • Vague Age: It's not clear how old he is as it's never said and it's extremely likely a vox-serf like him would be malnourished and thus seem younger than he actually is.

     Cyberdong the Techpriest 

Cyberdong the Techpriest, Speculation Incarnate

Voiced by: Remleiz

A Techpriest that first appeared in episode 24, replacing "toaster guy" (who installed the text to speech device in exchange for a toaster from Kitten). He can easily be distinguished by the rest of the cult mechanicus by his green & gold color scheme, saurian mask (or actual face; it's hard to know with Mechanicus adepts), and by the fact that 90% of his dialogue is questions.

  • All There in the Manual: Only named in video descriptions and credits.
  • Author Avatar: Of Remleiz, host of the YouTube channel 40K Theories.
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: From some of his theories and general manner of thinking, it's clear he's even loopier than usual for an Adeptus Mechanicus member.
  • Cyborg: Unsurprising, being a Techpriest and all.
  • Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: It might be unintentional, since it might just be genuine curiosity, but he's made some fairly insulting questions to the Emperor's face, such as wondering if he could be rebuilt entirely from cyberdongs and outright asking him if he's a giant asshole.
  • Fetish: Says he has "a massive fixation with slapping my cyber-dong against the hull of toasters". This trait is apparently common among members of the Cult Mechanicus.
  • Verbal Tic: All of his lines, even those that aren't questions, end in a question mark and usually with inquisitive tone. Also, he cannot pronounce "Ursh" without sounding like he's being murdered.
  • The Watson: He's played this role during Podcasts, asking setting-related questions one after the other until he's thrown out.

The rest of the Imperium


Fyodor Karamazov, Lord Inquisitor of The Ordo Hereticus
Here seen wondering why he's keeping Dominique around.

Voiced by: StellarElite

A man so regal he takes his throne everywhere he goes, Karamazov is one of the most influential Inquisitors out there. He's also a self-righteous madman with the policy of "kill first-ask questions later", so when a missive to disband the Inquisition comes from the Imperial Palace, he rushes to Terra to burn the hives down in search of an answer.

  • Anti-Climax Boss: Against Magnus, his charge into the Imperial Palace isn't much. Magnus even comments on it.invoked
  • Arc Villain: The main villain of season 1 and most of season 2.
  • Asskicking Equals Authority: Apparently got the position by being the biggest and baddest Inquisitor to survive long enough.
  • The Atoner: In a self-deluded idiot sort of way. He still believes that he is the Emperor but upon meeting Leman Russ, he actually seems to regret how his supposed past incarnation treated his children and genuinely wants to make amends.
  • Ax-Crazy: He can murder entire planets out of his own misplaced ego.
  • Blood Knight: He may claim that he's doing it all for Imperium's good, but he seems to simply love the carnage.
  • Broken Pedestal: Happens to him constantly, from his idol in the Inquisition to his first meeting with Kaldor Draigo.
  • Catchphrase: HERESY!
  • Cool Chair: His throne, which can move on its own (in fact, he never leaves it), has two built-in lackeys and an impressive array of weapons to boot. It even has a build-in rocket!
  • Evil Laugh: When he breaks into the Imperial Palace, his laughter is rather insane.
  • Exact Words: Uses this to get out of a promise he gave Decius; instead of "shedding blood" on Holy Terra, he'll just burn everyone.
  • Foil: To Decius. While the Ecclesiarch is the Only Sane Man, job-oriented and filled with Undying Loyalty to the Emperor even when his job is invalidated, Karamazov is insane and decides that the best course of action is to charge into the Imperial Palace and execute everyone as heretics, because this couldn't be right!
  • Fusion Dance: With the Star Child.
  • Grand Theft Me: In Episode 26, a shard of the Emperor takes over his body, as Karamazov has so thoroughly come to believe he is the Emperor that the Warp made it true.
  • I Reject Your Reality: In Karamazov's world, everyone but him and his closest associates is a heretic or a potential heretic, the Emperor approves of Inquisition's actions and Karamazov is a shard of Emperor's soul. Suffice to say, it's not exactly everyone else's reality. In Season 3, his beliefs that he is a part of the Emperor reborn is so intense that in the Warp, it eventually becomes true, or at least true enough that a shard of the Emperor is able to seize control of his body.
  • Holier Than Thou: He believes himself to be the most righteous person in the Imperium, even when members of the Imperial Palace's staff disagree with his views.
  • Knight Templar: He believes unflinchingly that his cause is right one, that he knows who the heretics are and what to do with them.
  • Knight of Cerebus: With his arrival on stage, the series moves from "wacky one-room-two-guys comedy" to "comedic story about fixing the Imperium".
  • Large Ham: Oh yes, he is. He gives Rousing Speeches all the time, blows everything out of proportion and has nothing against monologuing.
  • My God, What Have I Done?: Played for Laughs. After meeting Leman Russ in the Warp and seeing his...obsession with wolves firsthand, Kazamazov takes a moment to berate and wonder to himself what kind of father had he been to him...still believing he's a reincarnation of the Emperor.
  • Narcissist: Other than heresy, his favorite subject is himself. For instance, when the Emperor fawns over him at length to lower his guard, Karamazov mentions telling himself the same things while admiring himself in the mirror.
  • Not So Different: To the Emperor. Both are throne-bound, angry, ego-maniacal hypocrites. The Starchild notes that he will feel right at home inside Karamazov.
  • Rousing Speech: He loves giving those, to the extent that he gives three of them as the Inquisition makes its way through the Imperial Palace.
  • Sanity Slippage: The events of Warp Hijinx leave him and the rest of his forces considerably more crazed then before, though it could also be because they're drunk off their asses from Leman Russ' improvised Fenrisian Ale—which is strongly suggested in later scenes where Fyodor is relatively sober.
  • Sarcasm-Blind: He's completely oblivious to sarcasm, a quality which the Emperor exploits with gusto.
  • Tautological Templar: Charging the Eternity Gate is a heresy... but not when him and his people do it.
  • The Inquisition: Leads the most reactionary part of the "burn the heretic!" organization. The Emperor is pissed that Malcador's legacy is represented by this guy.
  • Trigger Happy: He's more than happy to burn entire planets if he as much as suspects one person there to be a heretic.
  • Unwitting Pawn: The Emperor fully wants him to assemble the most knight-templar-ish and problematic members of the Inquisition and charge into the Eternity Gate so that Magnus can get rid of all of them at once. And then it's revealed Emps told him all that nonsense about him secretly being a shard of the Emperor's soul so that when in the warp, his sheer insistence on it makes it true enough for him to act as a host body for the Star Child.
  • Villain: Exit, Stage Left: When attacking the Palace for the first time, he ends up at Kitten's mercy and is a second from being shot to pieces when the Emperor orders to have him spared. He promptly uses the opportunity to hightail it out of there.
  • Villainous Breakdown: When he's sent to the Warp, he starts screaming and blabbering, sliding into incoherence and losing touch with reality even more than before. He snaps out of it by the start of Season 3 though.
  • Villainous Valour: If there's one thing you can say in Karamazov's favor even before he gets possessed by the Star Child it's this: he is no coward. True, most of his courage stems from being so ridiculously self-assured that it borders on Suicidal Overconfidence or flat out loss of touch with reality. But that didn't stop him from besieging the Imperial Palace, charging a Daemon Primarch, talking back to Leman Russ while he was angry, and refusing to quit believing the Emperor even when a daemon was inches away from cleaving his skull open with an axe. Even getting trapped in the warp was viewed as nothing more than a minor setback by him.
  • We Will Meet Again: Promises this to Kitten when he escapes for the first time, and makes good on that promise a season later.


Lexmechanic Dominique, Servitor Scribe
He gets that a lot.

Voiced by: Franky

Not your perfect Inquisitorial lackey. Dominique mans one of the arms of Karamazov's throne and while his official job is somewhat unclear (it should be to mindlessly write down everything that Karamazov says), the unofficial seems to be whining and annoying the hell out of his boss, who despite this resorts to grumbling rather than firing him (or firing at him) on the spot. It is later learned the his annoying and obnoxious tendencies are actually for a purpose...

  • And There Was Much Rejoicing: Karamazov seemed a bit pleased with his passing. Less so about the fact that the rotting remains seems to have been affected by The Warp.
  • Bi the Way: He says that his voice is a hit with the ladies, but he also admits that he finds a horde of shirtless Adeptus Custodes to be "sexually confusing" and that they're "making me moist."
  • Body Horror: Something makes his rotten corpse play an eerie tune while snapping and twisting his neck repeatedly to mimic a music box. It's enough to make Fyodor instantly sober.
  • Character Death: He died at some point in Leman Russ's drunk party.
  • Clueless Deputy: He accompanies Karamazov everywhere, but seems more bothered by his cigarettes and own (perceived) awesomeness to aid him in any meaningful way.
  • Deadpan Snarker: One could suppose it's his defense tactic against Karamazov's shrieking insanity, but he's really snarky at times.
  • Due to the Dead: After he dies from overdosing on daemon-derived Fenrisian Ale, Karamazov keeps his rotting corpse on his throne. Later on, when the Star Child takes over Karamzov's body, Dominique's body disappears as he is taken to the afterlife by Celestine, and his place on the throne is replaced by white coffin covered in golden chains with a golden aquila.
  • Evil Sounds Raspy: He claims his cigarettes give him a raspy voice that's really popular with ladies. In reality, it's more like squeaking.
  • Exorcist Head: His corpse did this repeatedly, complete with the sounds of cracking bone and tearing flesh.
  • Famous Last Words: Hey! Hey, Fyodor! Have a happy new year, pal...
  • Femme Fatalons: Rare masculine version, he has long talons as nails. He also claims to be quite a womanizer.
  • Flanderization: Inverted. He starts off as a caricature and gets more depth as episodes go on. This was intentional, as Dominique was intended by the Emperor to help push Karamazov deeper and deeper into insanity so when he ended up in the Warp, he would believe the lie that he was part of the Emperor so hard that a part of the Emperor could manifest and take over his body.
  • Go Out with a Smile: Dominique takes his death rather well.
    "Nah. It's all good. I've enjoyed myself. If I knew I'd trip this hard drinking Daemon innards I would've died a long time ago!"
  • It's All About Me: When Karamazov is planning his first invasion of Imperial Palace, Dominique is more concerned with his own discomfort.
  • Killed Offscreen: Is found to be dead after Leman Russ pounds Karamazov's face in, possibly caused by alcohol poisoning.
  • Must Have Nicotine: Throughout the first attack, he continues asking people for sandpaper cigarettes, and they pop up from time to time later as well.
  • Number Two: Assistant to Karamazov, to the Inquisitor's woe.
  • Only Sane Man: As time goes on, he turns into this, seemingly being the only member of Karamazov's clique to recognize the insanity of what's going on around him. Then again, he has his own insane moments. He was, in face, the only sane man because he was conspiring with one of the Emperor's pieces to help drive Karamazov deeper into insanity so the Emperor could take over his body when he ended up in the Warp.
  • Phrase Catcher: "Be quiet, Dominique!" is something he hears often.
  • Servile Snarker: As Karamazov's composure deteriorates, Dominique starts to snark at him more and more often.
  • Terrible Artist: Going by his pictures of made-up Ordos he presents to cheer Karamazov up, he has skill of a mediocre MS Paint artist.

     The Inquisition 

The Holy Orders of the Emperor's Inquisition. Judges, Jury and Executioners of The Imperium
Keep in mind that this is being said to The Custodes.

Donklas voiced by: Delred
Grand Master Elirush voiced by: Eliphas
Adrielle Quist voiced by: Habbia
Inquisitor Facesmash voiced by: Zegram
Torquemada Coteaz voiced by: Superanchors
Inquisitor Kryptmann voiced by: ComradeCrimson

A collection of highly religious and incredibly powerful orders who were tasked with rooting out threats caused by aliens, heretics and daemons within The Imperium. Unfortunatley, they have a tendency to cause far more harm than good as a result of their rampant paranoia and fanaticism to dogma, leading to The Emperor eventually having Magnus send the vast majority of them into The Warp along their then appointed representative, Fyodor Karamazov.

  • Crippling Overspecialization: The Ordo Xenos (or at least Adrielle specifically) are obsessive about fighting genestealers, to the point where their leader doesn't even seem to know what a daemon is.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Though Adrielle's constant obsession with genestealers is mostly played for laughs, this pure hatred she has towards them has made her strong enough to singlehandedly take on entire genestealer cults on her own and win without a scratch. Sadly for her, Skarbrand was far worse than any Genestealer Cult.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: After Elirush and Adrielle meet their fate, Donklas proceeds to mourn them as his friends before praying to not meet the same fate.
    Donklas: All my friends are dead... I don't want to die in this horrible magical hell...
  • Even Evil Has Standards: They feel no remorse at killing anyone suspected of heresy, and will subject planets to Exterminatus for petty reasons, but they exiled Kryptmann for being too cruel. Rogal points this out when the Emperor makes the mistake of thinking him more rational and less kill-happy.
  • Karma Houdini Warranty: Despite having doomed at least a few planets through Exterminatus for the most minor offenses, such as a single oppressed citizen screaming about joining Chaos or his own freaking allies doing the killing, Inquisitor Facesmash avoided getting sent into The Warp like most of his fellow Inquisitors, because he didn't join up with Karamozov. Then in Episode 26: Part 2, he winds up getting pulled into Commorragh due to Exterminatusing a sun, seemingly as a form of Retirement/Suicide only for Draigo to hop onto his ship and eat said sun.
  • Hold the Line: In Episode 26, they fend off a massive daemon army that is trying to destroy their psyker force, who are trying to open the Gate of Khaine. Unfortunately for them, their army is substantially smaller and they get massacred once the daemons get into melee. Elirush and Adrielle are killed off for real in this battle.
  • In Love with Your Carnage: Inquisitor Facesmash reacts to Leman Russ vaporizing a Dark Eldar with Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs with almost schoolgirl-like glee.
    Facesmash: (pitch slowly rising) Have I died and gone to murder-heaven?
  • Lampshade Hanging: Donklas in the Warp Hijinks special while drunk lampshades where he got his mask considering the last time he was seen he didn't wear any.
  • Mauve Shirt: Though most of them are tough enough to survive for a while in the Warp, particularly when they drink Leman Russ' Fenrisian Ale, in Episode 26 both Adrielle and Grand Master Elirush are slain in battle by Skarbrand. Donklas only survives by "enforcing discipline in the back" and grabbing the Sister of Battle Canoness as the Sisters get slaughtered.
  • No Name Given: Adrielle wasn't named until Alfa learned she actually has one in 40k proper. Grand Master Elirush and Ordo Hereticus Agent Donklas' names are only known because Episode 26 Part 1 is a general recreation of an actual tabletop battle and the results of key moments of the game are displayed on screen as the action unfolds.
  • Only Sane Man: You will have a hard time finding anyone in the Inquisition as sane or reasonable as Coteaz.
    • Ironically, the most sane among them is Kryptmann.
    Kryptmann: My opinion IS: straight-laced, self-strangulating sheeplings slapping "heresy" on anything even halfway logical is what brought us into this mess in the first place. Maybe taking two seconds to consider options that aren't "purge this," "cleanse that," and "BURN BURN BURN!" might prove beneficial even if you don't wind up doing it.
    • Later on, Headsmash is also the voice of reason after Emperor!Fyodor uses his psychic powers to convince the Inquisition to work with the Dark Eldar.
    Headsmash: So, like.. am I actually going to have to be the straight man here in pointing out how bad this idea is? It feels... gross.
  • Pragmatic Villainy: Kryptman seems to be a big believer in this. He is by any estimation a terrible person, but he seems less interested in committing atrocities for fun than because he genuinely thinks they're legitimate means to an end. That said, he's managed to kill exponentially more innocent people than have the Inquisitors who do murder for fun, with the exception of Headsmash.note 
  • Run or Die: Donklas only lives because he knows better than to fight the daemons directly in melee.
    Donklas (dragging the Canoness): Now is not the time for lying about. Now is the time for running the fuck away!
  • Sex Is Violence: Ordo Hereticus Agent Donklas finds it rather arousing to kill potential heretics.
  • State Sec: Their role before The Emperor disbanded them is to find and execute (possible) enemies to the state. Or, in their words, "PURGE THE HERETICS!"
  • The Bus Came Back: An older Kryptman from the Behemoth Shorts returns in Episode 26: Part 2
  • Ungrateful Bastard The Star-Child infused Fyodor, essentially the Emperor himself, saves what remains of the Inquisition from being killed by the Chaos army as well as saving them from a Dark Eldar trap and healing those caught in said trap. Yet despite all this, the moment he merely suggests they should just hear what the Dark Eldar are saying because they are acting really atypical for their race? They immediately start calling him a heretic.
  • Worf Had the Flu: When Adrielle dies she's extremely hungover and still a little drunk. Not to mention the bomb that landed on her earlier.

     The Ultramarines 

The Ultramarines, Honorable Battlebrothers, The Emperor's Finest, THE GREATEST OF THEM ALL!
Even their Chapter Master can't stand them.

Voiced by: Karl The Deranged (Marneus Augustus Calgar), Ironbeard (Uriel Ventris), Kochiha Ichihara (Cato Sicarius)

The Imperium's greatest Space Marines, capable of succeeding in any mission, no matter how dangerous, suicidal, and outright sabotaged by their own side it is.

  • Achilles in His Tent: Calgar spends the first two seasons of the show moping on Ultramar about what his Space Marines have become. This in turn allows Cato Sicarius to go over his head to accept assignments from Terra without having to run them by him first, which eventually sickens Maneius enough that he decides to lead the charge in the third season's newest mission for his chapter.
  • Atomic F-Bomb: Marneius Calgar let one off when being told that the Ultramarines had collected all of the Salamanders' artifacts.
  • Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Calgar and Ventris end up getting on a tangent where they talk about random things for literally months on end because Ventris randomly brought up his armor's green trim and the two got sidetracked.
  • Berserk Button:
    • When Cato Sicarius suggests that any Ultramarine casualties are meaningless if it means furthering his reputation and glory, Calgar snaps and threatens to shove his power fist up Sicarius' ass. When Sicarius high-tails it out of the room he grumbles in frustration that one of these days that he needs to stop threatening to do so and ACTUALLY do it. Come episode 21, he really does punch Sicarius in the face when the latter is ranting how he was able to defeat a C'tan.
    • Uriel Ventris is decidedly miffed about his My Greatest Failure moment (releasing the C'tan Nightbringer) being inexplicably and casually rendered insignificant (the Nightbringer was actually just a shard. An itsy bitsy little Shard).
    • Cato Sicarius also has one in the form of being interrupted during his narcissistic squealing.
      *In a lower, indignant, snarled voice* "HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT THE FEEDBACK SESSION OF I, CATO SICARIUS!?"
  • Beyond the Impossible: The Emperor deliberately gives them Impossible Tasks and yet they keep succeeding.
    • How about riding into galaxy's biggest daemon hotspot with your anti-daemon fields off, in a single ship, to find and capture (alive) the second most powerful psyker in existence and come back alive? More, even, with minimal casualties? Why not?
    • Not enough? Just go on to casually find all of the remaining Artifacts of Vulkan in under a year and deliver them directly to Nocturne. The Salamanders have been searching for the better part of 10,000 years.
    • This is discussed in episode 21 by Calgar and Ventris, with the latter pointing out that the changes in history all have this theme, caused by a certain force, which Calgar tries to dismiss defensively.
  • Boring Invincible Hero: Their Chapter Master certainly thinks so, to the extent that he gets a depression from this.
    Marneus Calgar: *Sobbing* Holy Emperor...This is shameful...Nothing is satisfying anymore...
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: They're annoying. They're invincible to the point some feel bored. They're as invoked Mary Sue as it goes. But by the Emperor are they effective.
  • Cool Mask: Their armour, based on Heresy-era Invictarii, has a really cool wing design on its mask.
  • Dark Secret: Ventris has begun to suspect that some higher power influences events to always make the Ultramarines succeed against all odds and retconning their defeats to lessen or ignore them. It seems Calgar himself knows more about this than he is willing to say... The second part of Behemoth makes it clear that whatever happened took place shortly after Calgar's disastrous confrontation with the Swarmlord in Macragge.
  • Demoted to Extra: By order of Calgar, Illiyan is not to receive any screentime at all and must be as irrelevant as possible.
  • Fate Worse than Death: Whether it is out of fear of their lethality and/or of how annoying they can be, both the forces of the Imperium and those of Chaos consider being banished to Ultramar as one of these as it is the penalty of high-stakes "Ultragames."
  • Flanderization: Their portrayal here is based on 5th Edition Space Marines 'dex which is often accused of making them Sue-ish, overblowing the Chapter's previous vanilla portrayal and being just flat-out unrealistic. Here, they truly are as invincible, goody-two-shoes and Codex-Astartes-worshipping as the 5th-Ed's deriders would have you believe... and it's driving their Chapter Master crazy.
    • This also seems to have happened in-universe, with the Ultramarines shown in Behemoth being as diverse, flawed, and eccentric as any other Chapter/group shown in the series with a wide range of different characters shown and no sign of the absurdly perfect and unstoppable Mary Sues they would become. After being slaughtered by the Tyranids almost all these unique characters would disappear save Calgar and Ventris, replaced by faceless and identical Parody Sue Ultramarines and Cato Sicarius.
  • Glory Hound: Sicarius believes that it doesn't matter how many are sacrificed if it advances his personal glory. Calgar almost punches his head off for this.
  • Impossible Task: The feats they accomplished were deliberately designed by The Emperor with two goals in mind:
    • 1: to be impossible so that they would fail for once and stop acting insufferably smug.
    • 2: To abuse the hell out of their Plot Armor in the event that they actually succeed.
  • In-Universe Nickname:
    • They repeatedly get called "Smurfs" by the Emperor, despite no-one getting the reference.
    • Calgar and Ventris refer to Cato Sicarius as Cunto Shitarius when it's just the two of them.
  • Incoming Ham: I, Cato Sicarius of the GLORIOUS and Famed 2nd Company shall bring the ham wherever it is needed!
  • Large Ham: They have a truly grandiose way of speaking WITH COURARGE AND HONOR!
  • Leitmotif: The Ultramarines Chant. Their constant chanting is partly why the Emperor hates them so much.
  • Lightning Bruiser: As a parody of Dawn of War III's incident with Terminator Armor, Calgar is an utterly silly version of these, what with punches that can one-shot titans and being able to somersault so damn far due to the Terminator armor he doesn't need jump packs to be fast.
  • Married to the Job: Their reward for capturing Magnus is some purity seals and materials to prepare for their next mission. They're more than happy about it.
  • No Challenge Equals No Satisfaction: Calgar certainly seems to think so. Whatever Deal with the Devil he struck made his chapter borderline unstoppable and successful at everything they do, but you can only effortlessly succeed so many times until all those victories start to ring hollow and meaningless. It's part of the reason Calgar's so goddamn exhausted all the time.
  • Only Sane Man: Calgar and Ventris seem to fulfill this role. Ventris seems well-adjusted to Chapter's insanity, but Calgar seems to have been spiraling into a deep depression for awhile.
  • Parody Sue: The Emperor realizes that they win all the time and succeed at anything, regardless of how against sanity and common sense victory would be. He admits he only puts up with this ridiculousness because they're useful.
  • Ripple Effect-Proof Memory: Ventris seems to be the only one besides Calgar that notices that their chapter history appears to be changing. Granted, he's the only one besides Calgar left who has a unique identity and isn't Cato Sicarius
  • Sarcasm-Blind: When Calgar is furiously mocking their perfection and belief in Codex Astartes, the Ultramarine he's talking to takes it at face value. They also fail to note malicious undertones to their order to switch their Gellar field off.
  • Send in the Clones: Apart from Calgar, Sicarius, Ventris and a lone Devastator, they all look and act the same - at first resembling the First Company, and, later,the Honour Guard.
    • Averted in the Behemoth prequel where each Ultramarine shown is a unique model/art depiction with his own personality before the eponymous Tyranid invasion. After the near extermination of the chapter and still unknown Deal with the Devil Calgar made to save it, nearly all these unique marines are gone and replaced by the aforementioned clones.
      • While there were still some using the Honour Guard model before and during the invasion, they stilled showed a different, more intelligent personality than the later clones, including pointing out when their chapter master was doing something stupid.
  • There Was a Door:
    • Cato Sicarius is seemingly addicted to bursting through walls, ceilings, and seemingly floors like a power-armored Kool-Aid Man, having yet to enter any room in any other fashion.
    • At one point, an Ultramarine Land Raider is driven through a wall.
  • Third-Person Person: Cato Sicarius obsessively refers to himself when speaking.
  • Throw the Book at Them: Marneus once threw a copy of the Codex at an Eldar so hard its spine was bent into a semicircle.
  • Verbal Tic: The normal Ultramarines keeps referring to each other as "Honorable Battlebrother". In the closed captions all of their actions are always prefixed with "Ultra", such as Ultra-Crying, Ultra-Fuckin'-Crying, Ultra-sigh, Ultra-Laughing, Ultra-Groaning etc.
  • Vocal Dissonance: Cato Sicarius has a distinctly high voice that nobody else has and completely clashes with his prestigious Captain armor.
  • With Catlike Tread: Drop off Vulkan's Mac Guffins by driving a land raider through the wall of the Salamanders' fortress-monestary while loudly chanting. Nobody notices this. The Salamander sentries even comment that it's a "quiet day", bare seconds afterwards.

     The Dark Angels 

The Dark Angels, The most Loyal and Honest Chapter with no Heretical Secrets to hide at all!
The most loyal servants the Imperium could hope for!From left to right 

Voiced by: Gemineye (Azrael), Alfabusa (Azmodai and Snurko), Fusion (Belial)

A chapter led by Azrael, Asmodai, and Belial, a trio of paranoid wrecks obsessed with finding Cypher and the rest of The Fallen while trying to keep it all a secret from the rest of the Imperium.

  • Ax-Crazy: Azrael and Asmodai. Azrael is so wracked with paranoia that he orders two Dark Angels executed for hearing information that they were allowed to know. As for Asmodai...
    Belial: You know he hears "make them repent." as "murder them violently."
    Azrael: Yes, Asmodai is a fucking asshood who can't make anyone repent...
    Asmodai: DID SOMEONE SAY "Murder anyone violently?!?"
  • Badass Preacher: Asmodai, whose main method of making people repent is to bash them over the head with his giant crozius.
  • Drama Queen: It doesn't take much to turn Belial into a crying wreck. Even making a snarky comment at him will cause him to tear up. And yet he's the Only Sane Man.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: As Snurko found out the hard way, Azrael truly has "The Emperor's Temper".
  • Hanging Judge: It's pretty clear from a stream announcement that he Asmodai cares less about making people repent and more concerned with bashing heads in.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Azrael calls the Adeptus Mechanics out for having hidden agendas and secret circles and ominous hoods...
  • Insane Troll Logic: Anything is, in their eyes, a sign of someone working for The Fallen. Even the Adeptus Mechanicus simply reaching a planet before they do is enough for them to jump to such extreme conclusions.
  • Modern Major General: Technically, Asmodai's job as Interrogator-Chaplain is to make the traitorous angels repent during interrogations. And while he's an extremely experienced combatant and a decent enough commander, enough to be one of the Chapter's heads, he sucks at his actual job because his interrogations are so intense no one ever survives them long enough to actually repent, and that's if they even make it alive to the torture chamber to begin with.
  • Nervous Wreck: Azrael. The man sounds like he's constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
  • Only Sane Man: For a given value of sane given it's the Dark Angels, but Belial is the least likely of the three leaders to jump straight to murder and actively tries to find peaceful ways to settle disputes. He's the only reason the meeting between the Mechanicus and the Chapter doesn't devolve into outright bloodshed.
  • The Paranoiac: They are all constantly on the verge of lunacy due to their paranoia, but Azrael is moreso than anyone in the entire chapter, to the point he had two Dark Angels murdered for hearing about the Fallen despite the fact they had just been inducted into the Inner Circle and thus were ready to know about them.
  • Right Under Their Noses: Azrael, Belial and Asmodai somehow do not recognize Cypher when he is standing right next to them. It's impossible to tell if they're confusing him for a loyalist Dark Angel or not, but knowing this series...
  • Small, Annoying Creature: Snurko, Azrael's Watcher in The Dark, which can only be described as something ripped out of an 80s cartoon. Made even worse by the fact that it is the only Watcher that actually talks.


Vulkan, Primarch of The Salamanders
Congratulations, My Friends!

Voiced by: ComradeCrimson

One of the 20 Primarchs, the genetically-modified, superhuman children of the Emperor. Specifically, Primarch of the Salamanders. Prophesized to return when his chapter gathers all of his relics together.

  • And Call Him "George"!: His hugs can make a Primarch start screaming in agony, and he's very generous with them. Word of God says that after his return he gave a lot of hugs to his entire Chapter, and that many of them needed to visit the Apothecary afterwards.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Vulkan may be the friendliest person in the entire setting, but don't forget that he is a Primarch. His big, friendly hugs can still crush other Primarchs, let alone lesser mortals, and he is implied to have just forced Covus Corax into the Engine of Woes against his will. And don't forget that the reason why he's orking out every now and then is because he engaged The Beast, perhaps the one creature that got closest to wiping out the Imperium, in hand to hand combat and sort-of won.
    • He also burned Caldera to the ground when he found out that the humans there were worshiping Eldar Exodites, wiping the entire planet of all life. Nice guy or not, that certainly sends a message.
  • Catchphrase: Adventure!
  • The Cuckoolander Was Right: Vulkan is the only major leader in the Salamander-Raven Guard crusade who thinks that the Emperor really has redeemed Magnus and reformed the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition, which the others dismiss (probably because something like that would be too optimistic for, you know, Warhammer 40K). Of course, he's actually completely correct.
    • In general he just seems to have a proper grasp of what people in this universe really are like. The above is one example, he knows the Emperor would do something like that. Another is when Brainghost!Ferrus comes claiming that "FLESH IS WEEEEEEAK!" only for Vulkan to smack the shit out of him, coldly stating the real Ferrus would have said the opposite (and he's correct in it; Ferrus Manus was not nearly as much of a fan of cybernetic replacements as his legion thinks he was).
  • Cuteness Proximity: His reaction to encountering an alien frog that he's just been warned will release a deadly toxin if threatened? An overwhelming compulsion to "boop de snoot".
    Corvax: Do not boop that merry suicide bomber.
  • Dumbass Has a Point:
    • When Corvus Corax argues that they should ignore the Catachan Guardsmen's call for help in favor of making to Terra as quickly as possible to stop Magnus the Red, Vulkan points out that if they rescue the Guardsmen they'll have more troops as part of their Crusade. While his intentions are more...idealistic...than what Corax would prefer, his argument is completely valid, and even Corax admits it.
    • He's also willing to consider the possibility that the Emperor has returned and has brought Magnus back into his fold, unlike Corax, pointing out how in-character the Emperor's supposed declarations are.
  • Easily Forgiven: Upon seeing Magnus again, the first thing Vulkan wants to do is give him a hug. Specifically an "I'm not mad that you ruined everything forever" hug! And he doesn't hold Magnus accidentally killing him against him in the slightest, either.
    • That being said, the "I'm not mad that you ruined everything forever" hug was exceptionally brutal and painful compared to the hug given to Corax, suggesting that Vulkan might have been just a little peeved with him. Made more ominous by the fact he apparently did not "finalise" this hug and is eager to do so (along with hugging the Emperor "ONE BRITTLE BONE AT A TIME").
  • Evil Brit: When the Ork consciousness slips through, Vulkan's Jamaican accent becomes the usual Ork Cockney. Technically, all Orks are Evil Brits, but here it is very apparent because of how much of a Nice Guy is Vulkan otherwise.
  • Fashionable Asymmetry: As you can see, one of his pauldrons is decorated with a giant salamander (the animal) skull.
  • From a Single Cell: By his own admission he got splattered throughout space and time itself after his encounter with The Beast, and he managed to bounce back from it.
  • Foil: To Corvus. Both were in darkness for many millennia, both see Ferrus and both are rather insane. However, while Vulkan constantly disagrees with Brainghost Ferrus and is extremely cheerful, Corvus is agrees with him and is straight up depressed. Vulkan also forgives Magnus (and everyone for that matter) while Corvus doesn't forgive Magnus at all (or himself, for that matter.)
  • Good Angel, Bad Angel: The ghost of Ferrus seems to act as the bad sort for him.
  • Good Thing You Can Heal: Being the only one with a Resurrective Immortality, Vulkan takes much more damage than any other being in the series. He even outright exploits it by tanking an Exterminatus warhead. While this does leave him a charred husk by the end, barely able to speak, he does survive, and will no doubt regenerate in time.
  • Got the Call on Speed Dial: Appears mere seconds after all the Artifacts are brought together. Apparently, going by the events in the story, bringing Vulkan's artifacts back to Prometheus was completely inconsequential - he had already been resurrected (he was even in Prometheus already); he just chose to return that moment so he could destroy all of the Artifacts, which he hated. Since he was already on-site, he jumped onto a dropship and launched himself down on a drop pod just to give the Salamanders a big, happy surprise.
  • Healing Factor: Lesser injuries that don't kill him outright still heal quite fast. During the second Bro Trip episode, after the ship he's riding on crashes, one can actually see his bare skull grow back its skin and other varied flesh bits.
  • Hearing Voices: He hears (and sees) the ghost of his brother Ferrus Manus, who he keeps telling to shut up. Time will tell if it's the genuine article or a hallucination.
    Vulkan: "Now I have returned! To bring peace and friendship through the entire Imperium! No matter what the voices in my head say!"
    Ghost of Ferrus: "You are weeeak Vulkan!"
    Vulkan: "Shut your not-face, brain ghost Ferrus! You are NOT friend..."
    • The fact that Corvus Corax can see him too while Magnus can't raises many questions.
  • Leitmotif: "For Friendship!", a theme as uplifting as the man himself.
  • Love Freak: Keeps going on about friendship and basically mentions "friendship" or "friend" in every sentence he says.
    Vulkan: I got nothin' but FRIENDLINESS for you, because you are my big friendly big brother friend!
  • Ludicrous Gibs: The end result of his fight with The Beast and part of the reason it took so long for him to return was his body was exploded so hard that it spread across time and space itself. The only reason he's even alive is due to his Resurrective Immortality as a Perpetual.
  • Mental Fusion: Magnus posits that after Vulkan tackled The Beast into a reactor full of WAAAGH! energy and exploded, a part of his mind and soul fused with the Ork gestalt consciousness, which accounts for his Ork episodes. The Emperor sums this up as stating Vulkan is now half-Ork.
  • Nice Guy: But of course. He isn't even angry at Magnus for betraying them all, outright insulting what he's been doing (outright agreeing with him in that it's stupid) or killing him with the Engine of Woes, and is generally just the most cheerful guy you could ever find, without a mean bone in his body.
    • This extends to he and Corvus' spin-off, in which he suggests that perhaps the Emperor is the one who disbanded the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition. It doesn't work, but he tried. He's also the one who argues in favor of rescuing the Catachan Guardsmen from a Chaos Invasion; this time, he's much more successful.
  • Oh, Crap!: Has this when the Engine of Woes is hurtling towards him at a high speed with a resounding "OH ZOG!"
  • The Pollyanna: The very fact that he lives in the Warhammer 40,000 universe and has gruesomely died multiple times yet still keeps his cheery and optimistic demeanor makes him this. Though other characters wonder if this is due to some Sanity Slippage.
  • The Power of Friendship: Apparently friendship and teamwork and all that good stuff were necessary to finding the artifacts, according to him anyway. His belief in the power of friendship does, among other things, let him instantly tame any animal he comes across, even giant, savage beasts, and commune with psychic creatures.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: Like all Salamanders, they make him look quite eerie, but unless you're the Imperium's enemy they don't mean he's any sort of threat to you. They do noticeably redden and bug out every time he has an Orky outburst, however.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The upbeat, cheery Red to Corvus' emo, brooding Blue.
  • Resurrective Immortality: He's a Perpetual, meaning that if he's killed, he'll eventually regenerate and return to life. Shown during the series when Magnus, in pain, hits him with the Engine of Woes so hard that it kills him and releases Corvus Corax from his imprisonment within. Within a few minutes he's up again and happy as ever. And again when he boops an extremely poisonous Catachan Barking Toad on the head and causes it to explode, killing him due to the poisonous toxins. Once again, after a few minutes, he is completely fine. Not even being ground zero for an Exterminatus will keep him down.
  • Sanity Slippage: Must've happened to him somewhere between Curze's torture, Ferrus' brain-ghost, and spending ten thousand years alone in a tiny corner of Prometheus, considering how obsessed he is with friendship. Episode 25 shows he also occasionally slips into Ork mannerisms, as a result of ramming The Beast into a reactor full of WAAAGH! Energy.
  • Scary Black Man: Subverted. Kitten assumes that the Salamanders are not as well-regarded as the Ultramarines because they are black (that is to say, coal-black, not black like the actual human skin tones) and red-eyed, but he notes the Salamanders are among the nicest Space Marines in the Imperium, and some of the few people in it who care about the common folk. The Emperor, who doesn't remember the Salamanders being black, assumes at first that Kitten is being racist. Vulkan further subverts the trope by being even bigger than the other Salamanders, and a Love Freak.
  • Stupid Good: The Emperor considers him "too fucking nice", and judging by his behavior, it's really not hard to see why. For example, he had absolutely no reason to believe Magnus had turned to the side of the Imperium again; for all he knew, he was still one of the most powerful and proactive traitor Primarchs in the entire galaxy. His first reaction upon seeing him was still forgiving the hell out of him with no hard feelings at all. Granted, he's suffering from Sanity Slippage, but it's implied he was only slightly better about it before it.
    • He does subvert the trope in one sense, as he is the only one to believe that the Emperor has redeemed Magnus and reformed the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition. This type of optimism would normally be idiotic at best and suicidal at worst in the grimdark universe of Warhammer 40K, but in this case he's actually completely correct.
  • They Killed Kenny Again: Has died twice onscreen explicitly, and two more times in implication (and counting), but as a side effect of his Resurrective Immortality, Vulkan can’t stay dead for long.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Vulkan, when the Guardsmen say that that toad you want to pet is extremely toxic to the point where even completely sealed armor is ineffective at stopping it, you do not boop it. Needless to say, he dies, then comes back as a result.
    • Vulkan actually seems rather prone to reckless actions that could easily kill him. Being a Perpetual likely means that he simply has no survival instincts as he can't die permanently.
  • Unexplained Recovery: Being a Perpetual, he can't die. When Magnus questions how he's not dead, Vulkan just said that being dead is "boring" and all his friends were here, being alive.
  • What the Hell Is That Accent?: In episode 25, he suddenly has a vaguely Jamaican accent. Except when he slips into the mangled Cockney accent of an Ork.

     The Salamanders 

The Salamanders, Masters of Flames, Friendship and Adventure!

Voiced by: TheLemonGrenade (Tu'Shan), Kochiha Ichihara (Vulkan He'stan) and Alfabusa (Firedrake)

Vulkan's legion, now chapter, the Salamanders specialise in fire, friendship, fire, adventure and more fire.

  • Blade on a Stick: Forgefather He'stan's spear.
  • Catchphrase: VULKAN LIVES!!! Usually when he comes back to life after dying.
    • Tu'Shan has a booming "HA-HA-HA!" laugh whenever he's really joyous (which includes the above revivals).
  • Drop the Hammer: Tu'Shan and the Firedrakes each wield war hammers.
  • Flowery Elizabethan English: Tu'Shan speaks only this way - even after his ship crashes and he emerges from the wreckage, he has to exclaim a 'forsooth' before puzzledly asking 'What in yon fuck happened?'.
  • Good Is Dumb: One of the most heroic chapters still operational and achingly dim in many respects.
  • The Guards Must Be Crazy: Or at least, very very deaf. The Ultramarines are able to "sneak" past the Firedrakes, with their motif blasting away, and they cannot hear a thing. Kitten runs up to them and yells at the top of his lungs, and they cannot hear a thing (in that case, it might have been Kitten's sudden and inexplicable heavy accent).
  • Heavy Sleeper: He'stan is able to sleep through the Ultramarines bursting through the Fortress Monastery with their motif on full volume.
  • Like Father, Like Son: Tu'Shan seems to take a lot after Vulkan, judging by his friendly demeanor, his enthusiasm for adventure and the fact that he calls other Space Marines "cousin-friends", much like Vulkan calls other Primarch "brother-friends".
  • Nice Guy: Some of the few extant in the entire setting, being dedicated to saving the lives of all Imperial citizens. They've even fought with other Loyal Space Marine Chapters for treating the citizens of the Imperium as meat-shields and/or acceptable losses.
    • This only goes double with their relationship with their Primarch, Vulkan. They're absoulutely overjoyed when he returns, horrified when he apparently dies, and overjoyed again when he pops back up. According to Word of God, Vulkan spent some time giving each and every member of his chapter a hug when he returned.
  • No Indoor Voice: Some of the guards have a tendency to be rather loud when speaking.
  • Only Sane Man: He'Stan has his moments, generally having more awareness of what's going on than his fellow Salamanders (and sometimes even more than everyone else in the room, including Primarchs). Examples include catching on to the Emperor's apparent taste for aesthetics over effectiveness, the "marketability" (for admitted lack of a better word on his end) of the Catachans, and the following interjection when everyone else is considering celebrating the return of the two Primarchs:
    He'Stan: Pardon my petulance, but need I remind you that TERRA IS IN JEOPARDY!?
  • Pyro Maniac: The Emperor, upon hearing of how pyrocentric their rituals are, wonders if he did not place their test tube too close to a candle.
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: He'stan, upon seeing the apparently dead body of Vulkan, makes a girly squeal.
  • Ultimate Blacksmith: Kitten is quick to point out the abundance of master-crafted weaponry that the Chapter has made.

     Leman Russ 

Leman Russ, Primarch of the Vlka Fenryka (Space Wolves/Space Corgis)
"You need to spend more time being raised by WOLVES, you tarnished old skeleton, FOR WOLVES ARE STRONK!"

Voiced by: Zoran The Bear

Another of the 20 primarchs, and the Emperor's self-appointed Executioner. Prophesized to return during the End Times to fight again alongside the fellow defenders of the Imperium.

  • A Real Man Is a Killer: Proudly boasts to a Deathwatch soldier he has 300 million confirmed kills. These are just the CONFIRMED kills, ones in which there were either witnesses or a body left behind to confirm the kill. When you consider that Leman has been in the Warp for a long time and the very concept of surviving in the Warp mandates the ability to slaughter Daemons on a massive scale, it is VERY likely that his actual number of kills is immeasurably higher (though given that what he was saying was a parody of the Navy SEALS copypasta, he may just be making stuff up).
  • The Alcoholic: He's so dedicated to his drink he attempted to recreate Fenrisian Ale with a mix of Bylestim note  and the distilled liver-juices of a Bloodthirster into a drink so potent it generated an aura of menace.
  • Arch-Enemy: Seems to consider Magnus the Red this, a sentiment the former Chaos Primarch wholly reciprocates. Simply the mention of him being in the throne room with the Emperor was enough to send Russ into Tranquil Fury, ignore his previous anger against Karamazov, and decide to finally leave the Warp.
  • Badass Baritone: The Primarch of the Space Wolves has a fittingly deep and commanding voice courtesy of his actor Zoran The Bear.
  • Badass Boast: He does a Space Marine variation on the infamous Navy SEAL copypasta. amusingly enough, it's not exactly inaccurate in his case.
  • Berserk Button: Really does not appreciate Fyodor openly claiming that he is the mortal embodiment of the emperor and calling him "son", though not nearly to the same degree as any mention of Magnus the Red, which is strong enough to make him completely ignore the former button being pressed.
  • Bestiality Is Depraved: Both Magnus and the Emperor are convinced he has a wolf fetish, with the former always referring to him as a "furry fuck". It's not really clear if that's true or they're both overhyping his...quirks, but he certainly does have a love of saying the word "wolf" or some variation thereof.
  • Boisterous Bruiser: Keeps going on about how he is a badass due to wolves while chugging warp-brewed liquor.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Presented as a fairly badass individual capable enough to handle the entire Inquisition single-handedly and live in the Warp without losing his sanity... And also absolutely obsessed with wolves, and alcohol.
  • Deadpan Snarker: While the Emperor loves to fly into rage, Russ' disses are usually more subtle and delivered in more deadpan fashion.
  • Determinator: The only way to survive in the Warp is to genuinely believe, whole-heartedly, that you can fight and win. Normal humans cannot, and even Inquisitors need to get boozed up on Russ' ale to survive. Leman Russ, however, is able to carry out his endless, centuries-long war in the Warp singlehandedly (with some help from Kaldor Draigo, though he doesn't really count) based on his pure willpower...and some ale never hurt either.
  • Drunken Master: It's implied that he preserved his sanity through his long stay in the Warp by being drunk the whole time. It also helps him defeat the many daemons he encounters.
  • Facepalm: His entire reaction and feelings summed up when the Inquisition starts calling the Star-Child infused Fyodor, essentially the Emperor himself, a heretic.
  • Foreign Cuss Word: "I mean, for Helvete's sake, you look like you haven't fought or fucked anything for decades, you MILKSOP!"
  • Personal Raincloud: His surroundings in the Warp look like a small-scale Fenris reenaction.
  • Politically Incorrect Hero: Makes absurdly sexist comments towards the Sisters of Battle, most prominently the below-mentioned "Red Rage" joke. It's Played for Laughs.
  • Raised by Wolves: He thinks it is a great idea for other people to be so as well because wolf raising made him wolfin' strong!
  • Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs: Leman wasn't kidding when he said he was a CQC expert, seeing as how with one punch he literally tore a Dark Eldar in half and then proceeded to utilize this trope on the upper half til it's red misty death.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech:
    • Delivers one to Karamazov as soon as he encounters him. It's about how he's a pussy for sitting on his throne all the time instead of killing things personally and it completely breaks Karamazov.
    • In the TTS Special Warp Hijinx, he gives one to EACH AND EVERYONE ONE OF THE INQUISITION ORDERS on why they won't survive in the Warp.
      • The Ordos Xenos are gene-stealer obsessed nuts who don't even know what daemons are.
      • The Grey Knights are the inquisitorial equivalent of spoiled wealthy children (and the leading Grey Knight's accent is weird and full of waffles, probably because his voice actor is from Belgium).
      • The Ordos Hereticus is the inquisitorial equivalent of child molesters, who will likely kill more inquisitors than the daemons.
      • The Sisters of Battle will be "eaten out like ice cream sandwiches by daemons of Khorne when [their] red rage starts".
      • The Stormtroopers are so pathetic that they explode with little or no provocation.
      • The Deathwatch are pussies because they've only fought pussy enemies like the Tau ("who don't even fight in melee!"). And Calato (the Dark Angel who keeps firing back at Russ) specifically is a "nancy lion-lover BITCH".
  • Really 700 Years Old: Does he look thousands of years old? Granted, time is funky in the Warp.
  • Red Baron: Introduces himself as the Primarch of the Vlka Fenryka, the Wolf King of Fenris and the Emperor's Executioner.
  • Smurfing: Sometimes, particularly when upset. "What the WOLF did you just say about me!?"
  • Tranquil Fury: His reaction to Karamazov calling him son. Which leads into a blow to the face so hard and loud it can be heard outside of the warp and in the Imperial Palace! But even that is nothing compared to any mention of Magnus the Red. His voice is low, but full of hatred, and the entire Warp surrounding them turns black when he's brought up.
  • Van Helsing Hate Crimes: He was preparing a massacre of Daemon villagers whose activities involved kissing their wives and working in the Nurgling mines.
  • Verbal Tic: Has a habit of inserting "wolf" or some variation of it into his sentences, particularly when he's shouting.

     Kaldor Draigo 

Kaldor Draigo, Supreme Grand Master of the Grey Knights
"Hands do not exist in my reality!"

Voiced by: Gemineye

The leader and the mightiest warrior to ever grace the ranks of the Grey Knights, a masterful combatant and unmatched psyker who has defeated the forces of Chaos and even bested Daemon Primarchs countless times all on his own while remaining in the realm of madness and insanity that is The Warp. While his body has persisted for centuries, however, his mind clearly fell ages ago.

  • Apocalypse Maiden: Apparently the Deceiver thinks Kaldor Draigo entering the Materium will end the galaxy.
  • Badass Beard: His beard is home to many tiny men that he requires help in killing.
  • Badass in Charge: Leader of the best Daemonslayers in the Imperium.
  • Badass Preacher: Comes with being part of an army of paladins but he doesn't do any preaching.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: He's hilariously insane, prone to random ridiculous outbursts and cartoonish actions. His combat prowess, however, is just as ridiculous; his battles last milliseconds, and he wins before anyone can notice.
    • As silly and ridiculous as he is, Kaldor Draigo is so incredibly powerful and dangerous that the Deceiver himself is afraid of him and is moving to stop him from returning to the Materium.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: He might be a complete loon, but he sure knows how to wreck Daemons and fallen Primarchs.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: It doesn't matter how much of a badass you are. Spend enough time in the Warp and you will go nuts eventually! This has reached the point where Russ doesn't even consider him sentient anymore. Draigo agrees.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Defeats Magnus before Kitten can even finish a sentence, and later destroys the Masque of Slaanesh with a single stab.
  • Demon Slaying: He's so good at it that he knocks out the true form of Magnus the Red in a single punch in the blink of an eye.
  • Epic Fail: In Episode 26, due to the battle being modeled after a real game of Warhammer the creators played wherein Draigo fell prey to the ultimate enemy of any 40K soldier- repeatedly failing your rolls.
  • Go-Karting with Bowser: While he may be the greatest daemon-slayer in the whole of the galaxy or Warp, he's still a swell enough guy that Lucius and Ahriman invited him as a guest for their Slaaneshmas show. He's also strongly implied by the Masque to be the Silver Knight of Slaanesh, as the Masque speaks to him in a friendly manner and then calls him a traitor when he suddenly stabs her in the face.
  • Heroes Prefer Swords: Like most of the Grey Knights he carries a Nemesis Force Sword, although considering his insanity he rarely ever uses it normally.
  • Large Ham: Even when he is whispering his presence is huge.
  • Luckily, My Shield Will Protect Me: Carries around a shield that looks like the Inquisition's logo, although he actually never uses it.
  • Old Master: At least a few centuries old and still slaughtering daemons.
  • Parody Sue: A deconstruction of Drago, who has been decried by most of the fandom as a Canon Sue for being able to not only survive in the Warp, but also fight Chaos on its own turf, single-handedly, and actually score victories. In TTS, due to the Warp's Your Mind Makes It Real properties, it is possible to survive in the Warp if you have enough unshakable confidence in yourself - but the only way to attain it is to either be piss-drunk (like Leman Russ) or be stark raving mad. This results in a Draigo who is every bit as powerful as he is in canon alright, but he's less the flawless paragon of righteousness Matt Ward portrayed him as and more of a Looney Tunes character.
  • Person of Mass Destruction: Erasing an entire star from existence has to qualify, and the Deceiver is entirely convinced he is one so powerful and unstable the galaxy may not survive his return to the material world.
  • Self-Duplication: Claims to be a member of the "Ordo Draigo", which consists entirely of warpspawned clones of himself.
  • Shout-Out: He's a giant walking shout-out to "Trials of Draigo" by FlashGitz.
  • Suddenly SHOUTING!: Don't expect his insanity to allow him to speak in a quiet manner for too long.
  • Summoning Ritual: If you require his services, you will need a Dreadknight, a kettle of Sororitas blood, and the book of Magnus, while reading a backwards chant that praises the Grey Knights.
  • Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Despite the fact that he's lost his grip on reality (or reality's lost his grip on him. Probably both) and his propensity for surreal visual gags, Russ seems unable to notice or acknowledge him. In episode 24, he's conversing relatively normally, suggesting that Russ is used to Kaldor's eccentricities.
  • Weird Sun: He claims to be a warp star, and can shine like one to prove it. This apparently counts as a "sunrise" in the Warp. He also literally survives being inside a sun on sheer willpower.
  • Your Mind Makes It Real: A feature of the Warp but combined with Draigo's insanity, this has created some...interesting results.

     Sly Marbo 

Sly Marbo, The One-Man Army of Catachan

A man renowned for his might in combat and his famous warcry, Sly Marbo travels from planet to planet by foot to kick heretical and xeno ass wherever he is needed the most.

  • Batman Can Breathe in Space: And freaking fly through it as well!
  • Battlecry: His only form of communication is shouting.
  • Big Damn Heroes: A few times, such as when he fended off a Dark Eldar looting session and saving Corvus from a extremely toxic Barking Toad.
  • Blood Knight: He accepts an invitation to the Slaaneshmas Special, apparently for the opportunity to go 1 v. 3 against the Chaos Champions (sans Kharn).
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: After three Dark Eldar melee combatants attack him only to bounce off, it looks like he beats the crap out of them using his own subtitles.
  • Comically Invincible Hero: By all accounts there's nothing in 40k that can stop him, such that he travels through space unshielded to whatever world needs him. The only opponents to even survive an encounter with him are Lucius, Ahriman, and Typhus together. This is all played for laughs.
  • Face–Heel Turn: In the non-canonical April Fool's Day video, he's the last of Fucking Horus's allies that show up to overthrow the recently-resurrected Emperor.
  • Good Angel, Bad Angel: He has these, but they don't give any advice other than AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  • Good Old Fisticuffs: Even though he carries a gun and a knife, he ignores them in favor of his feet and fists.
  • Humble Hero: Although it's hard to determine a man's characterization when all he says is AAAAAAAAAAAAA, the first thing he does after rescuing Corvus Corax from a Greater Catachan Barking Toad is to bow to the Primarch.
  • Make Me Wanna Shout: The man's shout is so Mighty that it can rip apart metal.
  • Memetic Badass: His characterization is largely based on a running joke in the fandom that casts him in the same light as Chuck Norris. As such, anything he does can be written off as him simply being Sly Fucking Marbo. Humorously, he carries this reputation among the Jungle Fighters In-Universe as well.
  • Nice Guy: Strangely, both Ahriman and Lucius think he's a pretty great guy, despite him handing them and Typhus a Curb-Stomp Battle when he went on the Slaaneshmas broadcast after receiving an invitation. Unless, of course, the two of them are talking about Kharn (who is the memetic nice guy of the Warhammer 40K universe) instead.
  • No Indoor Voice: His sole method of communication is an incoherent scream.
  • Not Quite Flight: He can simulate flying via his aerodynamic musculature and knowledge of jungle tree buoyancy... on Catachan. Everywhere else he's soaring around like it's nothing, even in space!
  • One-Man Army: The man liberated an entire planet from the Dark Eldar all by himself.
  • Parody Sue: Even more so than The Ultramarines themselves as he is just a nondescript soldier who bulldozes everything for laughs.
  • Screaming Warrior: Constantly and without pause (most of the time).

     Ephrael Stern 

Ephrael Stern, the Thrice-Born, the Daemonifuge, Battle Sister of the Order of Our Martyred Lady

Voiced by: Nostalgia
Sister Superior of the Seraphim Squad, Ephrael was one of the Battle Sisters not sent into the Eye of Terror, in her case due to her being in the Black Library.
  • Amazonian Beauty: Fairly attractive, but even by the standards of the Sisters of Battle, she's quite terrifying.
  • Badass Cape: Wears one big enough to cover her Shoulders of Doom, as is appropriate for a Sister Superior.
  • BFS: Is seen clasping a two-handed sword in her gauntlets.
  • Big Eater: At least by Eldar standards. She complains that the food she's given by the Eldar isn't sufficient for someone like her, a human at PEAK PERFORMANCE.
  • Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: Is able to make demands to Ceogorath without any consequences or hint of fear. Bear in mind that Ceogorath just put the fear of god into the Custodes.
    • Specifically, she threatens to start a Book Burning in the Black Library, to the face of the Laughing God. For a similar offense, Ceogorath decides to obliterate a Chaos Space Marine chapter, but he refuses to say anything against Stern.
  • Facial Markings: Has a cross-shaped mark on her left cheek.
  • Muscles Are Meaningful: At least she seems to think so. She's genuinely pleased to see the two Custodians appear in the Black Library, as she mistakes them for Eldar "on the path of the swole."
  • Mystical White Hair: Is white-haired and there is clearly something to her that she can stand up to Ceogorath.
  • Perpetual Frowner: Even accounting for the limits of the series, the Thrice-Born would be hard-pressed to do anything but scowl.
  • The Stoic: Never raises her voice beyond a stern growl.
  • Tattoo as Character Type: The cross-shaped mark is an Organizational Emblem which marks her as one of the Adepta Sororitas.

     Corvus Corax 

Corvus Corax, Primarch of the Raven Guard

Voiced by: Fresh

One of the 20 Primarchs, the genetically-modified, superhuman children of the Emperor. Specifically, Primarch of the Raven Guard. After having been trapped in the Engine of Woes for several millennia, Corvus was released by accident by Magnus. He's also absurdly emo too.

  • A Father to His Men: Addresses member of the Raven guard as "my children" and gives them a Rousing Speech upon meeting them again. Before his Heroic Sacrifice, he gives them a pep talk encouraging them to continue on fighting.
  • Badass in Distress: After an extremely toxic toad lands on his head, it’s assumed nobody can save him. Nobody but Sly Marbo, that is.
  • Beard of Sorrow: He wouldn't be angsty enough without a shaggy beard.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: He remarks that his trip with Vulkan is "the worst idea for a spin-off ever" and in general, seems to understand that he's in a work of fiction.
  • Cardboard Prison: He gave up almost instantly after Vulkan locked him in the Engine of Woes, a cruddy ancient automobile, believing that it would serve as a suitable punishment for his various failures as a Primarch.
  • Character Development: Already undergoes this is in his second appearance, going from dismissing the Imperial Guard at the beginning of Bro Trip Episode 1 to fully recognizing their value and worth at the end. Being saved by one of them (albeit a hilariously overpowered one) certainly helps.
  • The Comically Serious: A very angsty man in a very ridiculous universe that doesn't pass up the chance to make him the butt of a joke.
  • Deadpan Snarker: On the rare occasion he isn't angsting, he can be surprisingly snarky, usually in regard to Vulkan's peppiness.
  • The Dreaded: As a Primarch, Corvus is so powerful that the Masque of Slaanesh, a powerful daemon, opts to flee on-sight rather than even trying to fight him.
  • Dull Surprise: He doesn't seem all that bothered by Vulkan being dead at all. In fact, he compares it to the Dropsite Massacre and all they'd need to complete it would be Ferrus's skull. He's also just as nonchalant when Vulkan comes back to life. Although this is Vulkan we're talking about.
  • Enraged by Idiocy: Like his father and brother Magnus, the sheer foolishness of the Imperium grates on him heavily. It also extends to the universe in general, which is part of why he remains The Comically Serious.
  • Failed a Spot Check: How DID that toad get on his head without him noticing?
  • Fantastic Racism: BRO TRIP 40,000: A Tale of Two Primarchs shows him having a bit of a low opinion on the Imperial Guard (A.K.A. "The Wall of Guns"), thinking them expendable at worst and at best, like the Catachan Jungle Fighters, redundant and better off being made Space Marines. Fortunately, after his life gets saved by Sly Marbo, he sees the value in the Imperial Guard and grows out of his disdain.
  • Foil: To Vulkan. Both were in darkness for many millennia, both see Ferrus and both are rather insane. However, while Vulkan constantly disagrees with Brainghost Ferrus and is extremely cheerful, Corvus is agrees with him and is straight up depressed. Vulkan also forgives Magnus (and everyone for that matter) while Corvus doesn't forgive Magnus at all (or himself, for that matter.)
  • Forgot I Could Fly: Tells Magnus he's gonna kill him...once he remembers how to move his legs. Superhuman or not, several millennia in a tight box unable to move plays havoc on one's motor functions.
  • Heroic BSoD: Has a brief depression over the nonsense around him on Attila, upon discovering the only Astropath they have is an ass - not annoying, a literal psychic donkey. This works most of the time but the current problem is Horse doesn't have a word for "Exterminatus."
  • Heroic Sacrifice: When an extremely deadly Greater Catachan Barking Toad - which will detonate like a grenade and spread super-lethal toxins over an area in excess of a kilometer if agitated even slightly - attaches itself to Corvus' head, the primarch attempts to save his companions by activating his jetpack and flying up into the atmosphere with the toad. Ultimately subverted, as Sly Marbo saves Corvus at the last moment.
  • Heroic Self-Deprecation: Never misses an opportunity to talk himself down. Like Vulkan, he can also see Ferrus as well, and doesn't disagree with the latter's accusations.
  • Humble Hero: A given since Heroic Self-Deprecation is a core part of his character. Also, when he is saved from certain death from a Greater Catachan Barking Toad by Sly Marbo, the first thing he does after he recovers from his shock is to unhesitatingly bow to the mortal who saved him. This also marks the point at which he begins to fully appreciate the Imperial Guard.
  • Intangible Man: His armor's technology allows him to do phase through things, which makes it funny how he got stuck in the Engine of Woe.
  • It's Personal: Wants to kill Magnus for being a traitor. Oh, and murdering Vulkan too.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He's standoffish, aloof, and somewhat dismissive of normal humans, but he's fatherly towards his Chapter, cares deeply about his (loyal) family, and unhesitangly respects the Catachans after one of them saves him from a Barking Toad.
  • Oh, Crap!: He rather loudly and understandably freaks out when he realizes that a Greater Catachan Barking Toad landed on his head.
  • Purple Prose: His poetry already qualifies, and he has a tendency to outright speak like this when he gets going. He seems to call it "extrapolating", and gets mildly upset when interrupted.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The emo, brooding Blue to Vulkan's upbeat, cheery Red.
  • Signature Scent: Several people comment on how he smells of ammonia, to the point that it attracts a toxic frog to him and Kadus initially thinks he returned because something was wrong with his waste-disposal system.
  • Sophisticated as Hell: He has the tendency to swing between Purple Prose and the sort of terms used by actual Emo Teens.
    How forebodingly, excruciatingly super distressing.
  • Weakened by the Light: After spending ages inside a pitch black box, he reacts to sunlight as if it was painful.
  • Wrong Genre Savvy: He's remarkably quick on the uptake and during the BRO TRIP 40,000: A Tale of Two Primarchs first episode he pieces together a picture of what's going on through information he only had about a minute at most to gather. Unfortunately, he's currently Locked Out of the Loop on Magnus' returning to the fold and the Emperor's edicts.

     Ferrus Manus 

Ferrus Manus, Primarch of the Iron Hands
The flesh is weeeeeaaaaaaak....

Voiced by: Stringstorm

The ghost of Ferrus Manus, who haunts the mentally unstable Vulkan and Corvus.

  • 0% Approval Rating: Vulkan can't stand him. The spin-off implies that this is because Brain Ghost Ferrus isn't actually the real Ferrus Manus.
  • Catchphrase: "YOU ARE WEEEAAAAK, (Insert Name Here)!"
  • Fog Feet: He's depicted with Ferrus' face on a cartoony ghost's body.
    Vulkan: He is like a skull ghost. A skost!
  • Killed Off for Real: Potentially, assuming he's not just a hallucination. then he really is dead-dead. In canon he got his head chopped off by Fulgrim at the Drop Site Massacre, and in-series Corvus (who was at the Drop Site Massacre) makes particular mention of Ferrus's severed skull.
  • Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: Vulkan and Corvus can see him, but Magnus and Kitten can't and presumably no one else can either. The exact reason as to why this is the case is currently unknown, though coincidentally both Primarchs were at the Drop Site Massacre where Ferrus died...
  • The Social Darwinist: He had a survival of the fittest mindset and believed all weakness in the human species needed to be least that's what the Emperor thinks. Vulkan later lampshades the fact, in reality, Ferrus knew full well the strength of flesh and that the Iron Hand's obsession with augmentation was unhealthy.
  • Spirit Advisor: Spirit demotivator in this case. He derides both Vulkan and Corvus for being "weak." Vulkan later tells the ghost off for saying such things as they are the exact opposite of what the real Ferrus Manus would say.

     The Raven Guard 

The Raven Guard

Voiced by: HulkyKrow (Kayvaan Shrike) and Dr White (Kadus)

Corvus' legion, just as depressing and eloquent as he is.

  • Animal Motifs: The Raven obviously, though when distressed they actually caw like ravens.
  • Break Out the Museum Piece: Kayvaan and Kadus are both wearing highly antiquated suits of Mark VI: Corvus power armor despite the existence of the superior Mark VII: Aquila and Mark VIII: Errant Armors. Doesn't make them any less badass, and is rather common among The Raven Guard.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: The Raven Guard is one of the more heroic and honourable Space Marine chapters, despite dressing in black armour and favoring stealth and covert operations.
  • Failed a Spot Check: To their horror, they somehow miss the extremely toxic toad climbing on Corvus' head.
  • Heroic Self-Deprecation: Kayvaan apologizes to Vulkan for being "too approachable" when Vulkan tries to apologize for hugging him too tight. They get it from their father.
  • Incredibly Lame Fun: Their idea of a "celebration" is basically taking 19-day naps.
  • Inelegant Blubbering: After Corvus is saved from death by Sly Marbo, Kayvaan runs towards him while bawling his goddamn eyes out. It's understandable too, considering he almost lost his Primarch so soon after getting him back.
  • Purple Prose: Though not as overt about it as Corvus, they also like to "extrapolate."
  • Verbal Tic: Kadus occasionally lets out a "ooaaa~" sound before his sentences.
  • Wolverine Claws: They're famous for using Lightning Claws, powered gauntlets fitted with three or four razor-sharp Adamantium blades, which they use to great effect against Slaaneshi daemons.

     Catachan Guardsmen 

The Catachan Jungle Fighters

Voiced by: George "Seoras" Exley (Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken), Kiwi (Gunnery Sergeant "Stonetooth" Harker), Munkey (Catachan Fang Wielder), SuperAnchors (Night Reaper Wielder), and ZoranTheBear (DEVIL'S CLAAAAAW Wielder)

The regiment of the Imperial guard recruited from the planet of Catachan.

  • Asskicking Equals Authority: Whoever has the biggest knife is in charge. They recognize Corvus as a Primarch because he's covered in knives.
  • Awesome Aussie: Colonel Straken's accent is markedly different from the rest of the troops.
  • Deep South: Evidently, the Catachan accent is an import from Terra because they speak like stereotypical American southerners.
  • Eating the Eye Candy: At least one of the guards sounds like he's "enjoying" the sight of Corvus's knives- as in the blades on his armor appear to be arousing the guardsman.
  • Foil: To the Custodes. Both are Walking Shirtless Scenes, but the Custodes choose to undress for purely exhibitionist purposes while the Catachan guard wear as little as possible to make the most with scarce resources (and so that their superiors can sell propaganda of them). Both have Testosterone Poisoning, but the Catachan guard don't make a big deal out of it. The Custodes are heavily augmented and look down on regular humans while the Catachan guard are all normal humans whose strength stems purely from their Training from Hell. Both are badass armies, but the Custodes (apart from Kitten) never train or fight unless ordered to by the Emperor, while the Catachan guard spend all of their time either on the front lines or sharpening their skills on their home planet. The Catachan guard travel all over to fight for the Imperium while the Custodes never leave the Imperial palace unless forced to. Both have scenes where their innuendos creep someone out, but for the Catachan guards it's either unintentional or very toned-down (or both). Also when politely asked to stop oogling Corvus, the Catachan guards immediately stop, whereas the Custodes refuse direct orders from the Emperor Himself to so much as tone it down a little.
  • Innocent Innuendo: Not that it doesn't creep Corvus out any less but their knife-measuring contests are apparently about literal knives instead of something else.
  • Knife Nut: As per usual the Catachan have knives of differing lengths that show their rank from the Bowie Knife-esque Catachan Fang to the Machete or Sword-like Devil's Claw made up of Metals from Catachan itself.
  • Made of Iron: In terms of the tabletop game, a Catachan Jungle Fighter wearing jack shit above the waist has the same toughness as a suit of Carapace Armor, which is designed to handle shots from Space Marine Bolters. This toughness comes from being raised on the Death World that is Catachan, and impresses the Space Marines accompanying Corvus and Vulkan into wondering why Catachans aren't recruited as Space Marines themselves.
  • Rated M for Manly: From their big knives to their big muscles to their fighting off demon hordes with bravery, they have a high "marketability". They're actually targeted by a Slaaneshi daemonette for their insanely well-built biceps (as in, she tears their arms off for their muscles). Gunnery Sergeant "Stonetooth" Harker one ups them all by being not only bigger and buffer than his fellows, but also by wielding a goddamned Heavy Bolter like it's a simple LMG
  • No Pronunciation Guide: Lampshaded, as Catachan is pronounced "Cat-a-chan" and "Cat-a-can" by different people.
  • Oh, Crap!: Upon finding a Catachan Barking Toad, as they explode and release an extremely toxic gas. The lesser ones are actually fairly easy to avoid death, but the greater ones...
  • Stripperiffic: A wholesome example, as they don't behave overly-sexual about their semi-nudity. It is exploited by their superiors in the Imperial Guard, who use them in propaganda.
  • Testosterone Poisoning: Every single guardsman's manliness is used for humor. It is a subject of a digression in the first BroTrip episode.
  • Vocal Dissonance: Sgt. Harker is an immense mountain of a muscle and ridiculously manly even by Catachan standards, as detailed above, but he has a distinctly high-pitched, somewhat soft-spoken voice.
  • Walking Shirtless Scene: Barring Sly Marbo and the guardswomen (the latter of whom wear bikini tops, displaying their six-pack abs).


Helbrecht, High Marshal of the Black Templars

Voiced by: Bruva Alfabusa

Effectively the Chapter Master of the Black Templars, and the man in command of perhaps the greatest army of Space Marines out there. He gets dragged into a podcast with the Emperor as a way to give him, and thus his entire chapter, some much-needed anger therapy.

  • Ax-Crazy: He's the Chapter Master of the Black Templars, who are essentially the canon equivalent of Angry Marines. What else do you expect?
  • Call a Rabbit a "Smeerp": Terminology issues are one of the biggest peeves the Emperor has with him and his legion. He tries to get pissed off about it, calling the terminology holy, but the Emperor shuts him down, telling him he will take the criticism for confusing the hell out of everyone. As to the issues themselves, most of them tend to be minor but bothersome (High Marshal vs. Chaptermaster). It even extends outside his legion; he calls his own Heroic BSoD "crusading inwardly".
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Thinks that a couch, which is meant to be comfortable, should be made of stone because stone is a harder material. His solution to Boy getting a shard in his eye to telling Boy to hate the shard, believing that hating an object will cause the wound to go away.
  • Crazy Awesome: Apparently, the only reason the Black Templars are fleet-based is because you can't go crusading with a planet. They have tried.
  • Fantastic Racism: Xenos and heretics aside, he seems to find the mere existence of mutants to be an affront to humanity in itself, an insulting deviation from the Emperor's perfect form that ought to be lethally corrected as soon as able. Then again, his thresholds for what qualifies or not as a mutant are dangerously broad, and spare no one; when the Emperor pointed out that, technically, being bald is a deviation from his form and thus a mutant by his standards, he almost scalped himself in pure self-hatred right then and there before the Emperor stopped him from that. He also has a mental breakdown when a Xeno (a necron, to be specific) approves of what he's doing, because by continuing to purge he'd be agreeing with a filthy xeno, but stopping his crusades would be equally as heretical.
  • Hypocrite: The Custodes and the Emperor pointed Hellbrecht on the issues of Psykers and Navigators, both of whom are defined as "mutants" yet necessary for space travel that Black Templars need as a fleet-based chapter. Helbrecht justified this contradiction by stating that Psykers and Navigators are indeed employed, but they will be slated to be killed later after all mutants are exterminated in the galaxy.
    Helbrecht: We figured we would kill them last...
  • Inelegant Blubbering: The tantrums he throws when he thinks he's the one being heretical are comparable to an eight year old's own, complete with high-pitched screaming.
  • Large Ham: Has No Indoor Voice and is prone to breaking into grandiose speeches.
  • Literal-Minded: Though not as extreme a case as the Templars' progenitor, Helbrecht nonetheless has... issues with interpreting idioms too literally. When the Emperor tells him to "get [the Black Templar's] shit together" he initially assumes he means to collect their excrement in mounds as ammunition. That and when the Emperor talks about himself shitting on the Ultramarines, he thinks it was entirely literal.
  • No Indoor Voice: The man won't lower his voice even if the Emperor himself ordered him to, and screams like a psychopath throughout the entire podcast.
    I am not shouting! I am but exercising the MIGHT of my vocal chords, Emperor!
  • Noble Demon: The Emperor acknowledges that for all of their many flaws, the Black Templars (and Helbrecht by extension) are living proof that Legions can exist and still serve the interests of the Imperium without falling to seed like Horus'.
  • Perpetual Frowner: While the Limited Animation of the show (especially for the podcast) prevents one from seeing it, according to the Emperor his scowl is so intense and fixed it would have to be surgically removed for him to make any other sort of expression.
  • The Power of Hate: He values it, and drives his legion forwards with it; he plans on tempering it and controlling it before unleashing it on the foes of mankind once the podcast is done, rather than simply let it rule him like before.
  • Psychopathic Manchild: His tendency to blurt out baby-like cries, along with his childish voice, didn't help with his aggressive nature.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: He turns out to be this once the Emperor steers him in the right direction. While he doesn't take well some of the Emperor's decrees and affirmations, he recognizes that the Emperor outranks him and thus should be obeyed and swears to make everything he can to make sure his men will uphold the Emperor's will concerning the Black Templars.
  • Recognition Failure: He completely fails to recognize Rogal Dorn, just assuming him to be an Imperial Fist Centurion through the entire podcast. Then again, Rogal was wearing his helmet the entire time precisely because he didn't want to be recognized, and Helbrecht seemed to catch on in the last moments of the podcast, but doesn't act on it, claiming that everything will be revealed in due time.
  • Sensory Abuse: In-universe, everyone hates his voice to the point of physical pain due to volume and enough raspiness to flay a man to the bone. He even shatters his own mug of tea when screaming.
  • Verbal Tic: When berated, interrupted or generally contradicted, he usually belts out an indignant, Waluigi-esque "WAAH!".
  • Vocal Dissonance: The man is a giant, utterly bald Space Marine at the head of the only actual Legion in the Imperium and with a heavy scowl that Judge Dredd would approve of, but his voice... note 
    Emperor: First of all, you need to devour a fruit basket's worth of throat lozenges, 'cause you just straight up sound like a goblin.
  • Would Hurt a Child: Almost squashes Boy at one point, due to a perceived insult; Rogal has to step in before anything happens.
  • Your Approval Fills Me with Shame: Receiving a letter from a Necron Lord who is pleased with his crusades against another Necron Lord utterly confuses him and fills him with horrified shame turning into a panic attack, as that means he's doing something to ''help'' a xeno and that makes him a heretic. It gets so bad the Emperor and Dorn themselves have to calm him down.


Reclusiarch Merek Grimaldus

Voiced by: Sadia

Senior Chaplain of the Black Templars.

  • Knight Templar: Even beyond the standards of his chapter; he tries to ban Sanguinala.
  • No, You: His apparent go-to response when someone tries to argue against him.
    Random Black Templar: It's heretical to-
    Grimaldus: YOU'RE heretical!
  • Psychopathic Manchild: When told he could not ban Sanguinala, he proceeded to throw a loyal tantrum in his room.


Billy, unfortunate Psyker Mutant

Voiced by: Alfabusa

A young boy who always wear a box on his head and constantly finds himself in terrifying situations. Knows Boy, one of the Highlords, and is a mutant.

  • Cosmic Plaything: So far he's been run over by Magnus on a bike, lost all his friends to said bike incident, been stalked by Lucius, been kidnapped by Dark Eldar, lost his friends again to the Dark Eldar, and been bashed in the face with a baseball bat by an Astartes. He survived these experiences, but they no doubt take its toll on the boy's psyche.
  • Epileptic Trees: Remilez theorizes that he is Kaldor Draigo, who in turn is time displaced.
  • Mutant: Boy offhandedly mentions that he's a mutant. What kind is yet to be stated, but it could explain why he's always wearing a box.
    • Alternatively, it could simply be that as a psyker, he is already considered a mutant.
  • Psychic Powers: Billy is a latent psyker, which Lucius takes advantage of to prank call him.

     Spoiler Character 

Saint Celestine, The Living Saint

Voiced by: Snipe

Celestine is one of the Living Saints, a handful of extremely important people in the Imperial faith who have displayed miraculous powers and have been canonized by a conclave of the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition. She is known to come to the rescue of Imperial forces in the most dire of times.

  • Cool Sword: The sword she carries around is called The Ardent Blade while she doesn't get to use it, it still looks pretty cool.
  • Holy Halo: The armour she wears which is The Armour of Saint Katherine incorporates an elaborate ornamental halo. Given Celestine's status as a Living Saint, the imagery drives that point home even more.
  • Psychopomp: She serves this role, escorting the souls of the faithful to the Emperor to their safe afterlife in the Warp.

     Spoiler Character 

The Star Child, Compassion of The Emperor

Voiced by: Randolph Carter

A glowing child with the voice of a man who rides a reed boat. Implied to be the Emperor's lost soul or the embodiment of his discarded compassion and humanity that he needed to lose in order to lead the Imperium.

  • Absurdly Bright Light: After fusing with Fyodor he emits a light so bright that it can be seen throughout the entirety of the Warp, outside the Eye of Terror, and the entire fucking galaxy.
  • Actually Pretty Funny: He can't help but chuckle when he realizes the Dark Eldar have left a "Welcome to Commorragh" sign where the only way to see it would be entry through the Gate of Khaine.
  • Big Damn Heroes: If it weren't for him, Fyodor, Russ and what's left of The Inquisition would have perished by Skarbrand's big daemon axe.
  • Big Good: He's The Emperor with a dose of self-awareness and humility, so he qualifies even more than his thronebound counterpart.
  • Fusion Dance: After taking over Fyodor, the end result is basically Fyodor with the Emperor's hair, hair color and love for the color gold.
  • Power Glows: His resurrection into Fyodor's body creates a psyker-based light so bright it not only utterly destroys the daemon army nearby, but it glows throughout the entire Warp and even out into the material world so far it can be seen outside the galaxy!
  • Leitmotif: Chairbound Prankster which plays when he and Fyodor become one.
  • Light Is Good: Due to being a fragment of the Emperor himself, and supposedly his compassion, he definitely fits both light and good.
  • Nice Guy: Considering he's the embodiment of the Emperor's Compasssion, he's really pleasant.
  • Self-Deprecation: Fully admits that all of Fyodor's faults (self-important, angry, hypocritical, throne-bound) can just as easily be applied to himself as part of the Emperor.
  • Strong Family Resemblance: In a way, you can clearly tell that he's a fragment of the Emperor considering he has the same fabulous hair as he does.

The Gods and Forces of Chaos

     Gods of Chaos 

The Gods of Chaos, The Ruinous Powers

Voiced by: Kiwi (Tzeentch), Larry Luxus (Nurgle), Alisaihin (Slaanesh), Tim Scott (Khorne), Gemineye (Malal)

Tzeentch, Slaanesh, Nurgle and Khorne, the Big Bads of the entire galaxy, the main enemy against The Emperor and the main source towards most evils caused across the stars. Surprisingly enough, these four don't quite act the Ultimate Evils everyone was expecting them to be...

  • Affably Evil: Nurgle, fitting with the source material. He has genuine sympathy for Tzeentch after the Emperor beats the latter up and takes Magnus's soul, despite the fact that he Tzeentch are archenemies. Khorne also crosses into this despite his perpetual Unstoppable Rage, crossing into almost outright friendliness (albiet of the sort of macho belligerent type) when chatting with Khaine.
  • Always Chaotic Evil: Zigzagged, despite the name. As Magnus notes, the Chaos Gods are the embodiments of all emotion, so even they have positive aspects.
    • For instance, Khorne is a god of war, fury and bloodlust, but also one of honor, courage and justice; this is demonstrated by his begrudging respect for Khaine.
    • Nurgle, too, is shown in a relatively sympathetic light, as apparently he's a kind enough husband to Isha for her to stand up for him against Tzeentch despite giving the Emperor Phantom Itching and unleashing Crotch Rot on a Hive World.
    • It's played a lot straighter by Slaanesh and Tzeentch, the former representing hedonism and having no desire to do anything but masturbate/fornicate, the latter representing change and magic and having no desire to do anything but prank everyone though unlike Slaanesh, is at least capable of having a civilized conversation and occasionally plays a children's card game with The Emperor.
  • Anything That Moves: Slaanesh considers the mere talk of torment to be arousing and considers Khorne's chainaxe to be a good choice for a vibrator. Also, he/she/it is still trying to hit on Isha, Nurgle's wife and among the few Eldar gods that she/he/it didn't kill.
  • Berserk Button: Judging by his reactions in the Fourth special, it would seem Tzeentch absolutely hates having his usual tricks turned against him, or being on the receiving end of them in general.
  • Butt-Monkey: Malal. Not only is he constantly mocked for being a nonexistent pushover, but he is locked away in a realm of nonexistence, constantly crying about how he will become canon one day and only comforted by other retconned or Deader Than Dead characters such as the Squats and Fucking Horus.
  • Call to Adventure: Slaanesh played this role to the other Chaos Gods. According to The Emperor, the other Chaos Gods were pretty inactive before Slaanesh roused them into action.
  • Eldritch Abomination: All of them to a degree, but Tzeentch is by far the best example. His anatomy, while humanoid, is just plain confusing and as of the fourth special the indecisive mollusk has multiple forms that he can switch between on a whim.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Nurgle is apparently a surprisingly good husband to the Eldar goddess Isha, at least enough that she gets angry on his behalf when Tzeentch trolls and makes him cry. There's also a Downplayed case with Khorne, who is slightly calmer and more respectful around the Eldar war god Khaine, even calling him "old man" (relatively polite compared to his choice of terms for, say, Slaanesh) and agreeing to go with him for leg day.
  • Expy: This version of Tzeentch takes a few of his mannerisms from Bill Cipher.
  • Fat Bastard: Nurgle is still the bloated lord of disease as we know him. Though the "bastard" part doesn't quite apply as much, since he's shown to be quite Affably Evil.
  • Go-Karting with Bowser: Khorne and Khaine are gym buddies.
  • Hidden Agenda Villain: Parodied by Tzeentch. Even when he's not spouting the odd Ice-Cream Koan, Tzeentch constantly speaks in bizarre, meandering doublespeak; at times he seems almost incapable of making definitive statements, peppering almost every sentence with contradictory yeses, noes, and maybes. For Tzeentch, just having a shadowy plan to allude to is more important than that plan actually leading anywhere. Which is entirely in line with some interpretations of canon, mind you; Tzeentch is the God of Scheming, rather than any successful plots, so anything he plans ultimately leads nowhere and never ends, and it 's suspected if he actually reached the end of a successful plan coming together he'd go out in a Puff of Logic.
  • Hypocrite: Tzeentch hates when people cheat at games, despite being a massive cheater himself.
    • Tzeentch also accuses Kitten of being in denial when it looks like he's going to lose, but when defeated he himself denies it ever happened so hard he leaves without even thinking to retaliate.
  • Involuntary Shapeshifting: Tzeentch's form-shifting is quick, but not entirely under his control, as his more pyramidal form seems to come whenever he's particularly happy and giggly, while his more confusing, big-handed form with no recognizable face comes exclusively when he's getting upset.
  • Irony: Khorne, the most prominently featured of the Chaos gods in canon to point where he's sometimes a Spotlight-Stealing Squad, has easily the fewest appearances, while Tzeentch, the one who appears the least in canon, has had had by far the most screen time of the four.
  • Leitmotif: More of a genre than anything, but Slaaneshi daemons' charges are accompanied (fittingly) with the sort of heavy electronic music one'd expect of a nightclub.
  • Let Us Never Speak of This Again: Tzeentch's reaction to losing a game of Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Forth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip poker to Kitten. Funnily enough, this is EXACTLY how the Emperor reacted to his loss.
  • A Match Made in Stockholm: Time will tell if this is how Nurgle's relationship with Isha works. Canonically, Nurgle is very affectionate towards Isha, but he expresses his feelings by infecting her with all his newest diseases, and she undermines him by whispering their cures to the galaxy. Whether she's gone insane or they've worked out something healthier in this continuity is yet to be revealed. Considering that Isha seems to be one of the sanest gods in the series, acting exactly how you'd expect towards Tzeentch and Slaanesh, there's decent chance that it might actually be the latter.
  • Orcus on His Throne: Khorne is referred to by Decius as "A Paraplegic Sociopath" for a reason. As of 2 entire seasons he has only had one single line and was offscreen during it. Season 3 even has Khaine stating he's coming over to get him so he can finally have leg day.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: Slaanesh is shaping up to be this based on what we've seen in the Warpchats. Khorne despises him/her because they're archenemies and he/she stole and splattered gunk all over his favorite chainaxe during his/her "pleasure session" with it, but he/she doesn't seem to be very popular with most of the other gods either. Isha reacts to him/her with dismissive annoyance in the first Warpchat, Nurgle responds sarcastically to his/her offer of a free Camshow, and Khaine expresses relief at him/her being kicked and banned from the chat by Khorne - a ban that nobody reverses.
  • The Omniscient: Averted for Tzeentch; according to Magnus he can be this if he bothers to consult with Kairos Fateweaver, but he's too lazy to do it, at least for children's card games.
  • Nothing Is the Same Anymore: Slaanesh's birth marks this for The Galaxy. According to The Emperor, His/Her/It's birth "was the last coffin to hit the nail into the hammer for any semblance of sense".
  • Smug Snake: Tzeentch is smug to the point of being insufferable, but this is best highlighted in his Yugi Oh game against Kitten, where his mind reading abilities were the only thing that allowed him to stay ahead of Kitten, and when he's blocked from using it to read Kitten's card deck by Magnus, he starts losing hard, has a Villainous Breakdown and when beaten, quits in a huff.
  • Parental Substitute: Tzeentch semi-jokingly refers to himself as Magnus' third father after tricking him into believing that his Ouija board had contacted the soul of the man who adopted him when he crash landed on Prospero. He even acts like a stern parent when Magnus gets fussy about having to leave the material plane.
    "Stop, or I'll put you in time out young mister!"
  • Troll: Tzeentch's method of manipulating people is less clever arguments and subtle plots and more annoying them with petty name calling until they do what he wants out of sheer frustration. This even extends to his fellow Chaos Gods, like sending a bunch of pizza boxes to Nurgle containing "fun little surprises" that destroy his rot-roses and send him to tears.
  • Unstoppable Rage: Khorne is the literal God of it. Although he's surprisingly calmer here compared to other iterations of the Warhammer 40k universe.
  • Villainous Rescue: Khorne and Nurgle were responsible for the survival of Khaine and Isha during the birth of Slaanesh. Nurgle directly spirited Isha into his realm in the Warp, while Khorne proceeded to beat the spectral shit out of the newborn Slaanesh before he/she/it could devour Khaine. Khorne is quick to remind Khaine of this fact, although he admits he only "mostly" saved him, given that Khaine was shattered in the process.
  • Voice of the Legion: Slaanesh's voice has a reverb that makes it sound like a masculine voice and a feminine voice are speaking simultaneously. The other Chaos Gods have similar reverb, but only to add an echo to their voices.

     Champions of Chaos 

The Champions of Chaos
From left to right: Lucius the Eternal, Ahzek Ahriman, Typhus the Traveller, and Kharn the Betrayer. note 

Voiced by: Yohan Gasmask (Lucius and Ahriman), Comrade Crimson (Typhus), Alfabusa (Fabius Bile), Zoran The Bear (Eliphas), Curtis "Takahata101" Arnott (Abbaddon the Despoiler)

The Chaos Space Marine champions of the four Chaos Gods, having excelled in their areas of expertise to such a degree that the Ruinous Powers themselves took personal interest and granted them abilities beyond any mortal.

Ahriman was the first to be introduced, trying to break into the Black Library, but he swiftly got his ass kicked back home by Cegorach. Since then, Lucius, Typhus, Fabius and Eliphas have also been introduced, but Kharn has yet to be seen outside of the intro. And now it seems the Warmaster of Chaos is trying to bring them all together...

In General:

  • Evil Is Hammy: The list is full of hams of one sort of another, all of them entirely evil.
  • Villainous Friendship: Despite all serving different Chaos Gods who are eternally antagonistic to each other, the Champions of Chaos get along pretty well from what we've seen. Typhus, Lucius, and Ahriman are all fairly cordial to each other (even though Ahriman is squicked out by the, uh...contents of Typhus' book), and from Ahriman and Lucius' comments it can be implied that the two of them view Kharn in a favorable light as well.


Exiled former Chief Librarian of the Thousand Sons.

  • Bad Boss: Shoots a minion in the face with a doombolt for insulting him (and possibly for being snide throughout the conversation).
  • Do Not Taunt Cthulhu: Really should have known that trying to face off against an Eldar God would not end well.
  • Epic Fail: The main reason Magnus let him go after the disaster that was the Rubric - he knows all of Ahriman's attempts to rise above his station will fail.
  • Evil Sorcerer: As per canon, he is a mighty sorcerer that wrecks havoc on civilian populations and the militaries that protect them.
  • Evil Sounds Deep: Speaks in a deep voice.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: After being defeated by Cegorach, Ahriman really wanted a heavy drink, but got interrupted by a message from Abaddon wanting him for the next Black Crusade.
  • Large Ham: While not as often as the other two, Ahriman can definitely get his ham going when he's incensed, having the "indignant Evil Overlord" act down pat.
  • Not So Above It All: The reason he teams up with Lucius for the Slaaneshmas broadcast is because he wants to engage in some old-fashioned shenanigans outside of serious sorcery to unwind a bit after his most recent failure to get into the Black Library and before he joins up with Abaddon for the Black Crusade.
  • Only Sane Man: Comes across as this compared to the other Chaos champions, dealing with the very obvious insanity of Lucius and the cheerful nonchalance of Typhus with no small shortage of snark and exasperation.
  • Pet the Dog: To the Imperium as a whole, urging both them and Chaos to put aside their conflict for one day and instead band together to destroy the xenos instead. Both sides are surprisingly receptive to the idea.
  • Sir Swearsa Lot: For his relatively small amount of screen-time, Ahriman might be second only to the Emperor when it comes to number of F-bombs dropped. He has calmed down by the Slaaneshmas special and is still the most foul-mouthed individual in the entire broadcast.

Fabius Bile

Former Chief Apothecary of the Emperor's Children.

  • Always a Bigger Fish: On the horror scale, he is the bigger fish to Lucius.
  • Arson, Murder, and Admiration: Opens the Slaaneshmas special by writing to Ahriman, explaining in great detail that his plan is completely ludicrous and appalling, from working with Lucius to asking him for assistance. Naturally, he endorses the plan wholeheartedly.
  • Berserk Button: Does not hold with being called "Bob".
  • Didn't Think This Through: Decided it would be a marvellous idea to give Ahriman 2.0 his genetic template's psychic powers before finishing him. Even Lucius is aghast at that.
  • Evilutionary Biologist: Gleefully cloned Ahriman.
  • Horrifying the Horror: Even Lucius is terrified by Fabius Bile's fucked up creations, losing his cool entirely when he sees the unfinished Clone of Ahriman, and is actually frightened when he hears Bile gave it the real Ahriman's psychic powers. The real Ahriman is even more freaked out, being reduced to screaming at Fabius and the clone.
  • Large Ham: He likely beats out everyone else in this group in terms of scenery-chewing, like any self-respecting mad scientist should.
    Aaaaalright, none of you guys know... THE HUSTLE I'm bringing here today! My shit is TOP. NOTCH.
  • Mad Scientist: If his canon counterpart cannot convince you, check out Ahriman 2.0...

Lucius the Eternal

Captain of the Emperor's Children.

  • Aroused by Their Voice: Apparently feels this way towards Typhus' voice which is why he asked the Nurglite to record his book.
  • Attention Whore: Runs his own channel on the 40k galaxy's equivalent of Youtube where he makes prank videos and very serious social experiments.
    Lucius: "Please remember to like, favorite and subscribe to my channel – Luscious Lucius Prankz – and follow me on Spacebook for the latest sexplosive pranks!"
  • Beware the Silly Ones: A Sissy Villain to the 9th degree. He will still brutally kill you and skull fuck your corpse while laughing over your screams of pain.
  • Blood Knight: May have some latent tendencies, considering he invited Sly Fucking Marbo to the Slaaneshmas Special exclusively to fight him on camera. Then again, he is a Champion of Slaanesh, he probably invited that guest solely for the experience of fighting him.
  • Body Surf: In the Slaaneshmas special, Lucius at one point tells a random cultist to stab him in the back, who then gets backstabbed by another cultist and that one gets stabbed and that one gets stabbed in a long chain of backstabbing. When it finally gets to the end the last guy turns into Lucius.
  • Darker and Edgier: While Lucius in canon was always creepy as a sense freak who took pleasure in killing and being killed, the series makes him much worse by portraying him not only as a potential rapist and pedophille stalker but also hosting a bad prank show.
  • Demonic Possession: The Slaaneshmas special shows that as in Canon, Lucius has the ability to take over the body of anyone who kills him and mold it into his original with the caveat that the killer had to derive any level of satisfaction from the killing. This effectively makes Lucius immortal.
  • Depraved Bisexual: Omnisexual is more accurate as he finds it hot when Typhus talked about writing a book with his own blistering excrement, for crying out loud. He also takes the question of whether or not Miriael Sabathiel would have sex with a Tyranid deadly serious.
  • Dissonant Serenity: Retains his cheerful voice and mannerisms even while dropping lines like "We are going to skullfuck your families!"
  • Expy: Lucius's voice seems strangely similar to Him from The Powerpuff Girls... if he were doing a Mickey Mouse impersonation throughout all of his dialogue.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: LUCIUS of all people is disgusted and concerned when he learns that Fabius Bile made a crappy and unfinished clone of Ahriman. Yeah, you heard that right. LUCIUS THE ETERNAL has standards. He is also understandably freaked out when Fabius mentions that this unfinished, psychically unstable clone of Ahriman is just as powerful a psyker as the real Ahriman.
  • Evil Laugh: Gives a pretty damn chilling one after hearing about Abaddon's plans for a new Black Crusade.
  • The Hedonist: Being a champion of Slaanesh, he obviously qualifies. Vices include wanton murder and sadomasochism, rape and drug abuse. Often simultaneously.
  • Large Ham: When he's not simply trying to sound cute, he immediately swings to excited, almost theatrical screeching; even when his voice is down he's almost sassy enough to count.
  • Power Echoes: Has a very soft echo behind his voice.
  • Put the "Laughter" in "Slaughter": Can't go a scene of killing, torturing, or raping without letting off some sort of cackle.
  • Resurrective Immortality: If someone manages to kill Lucius, he possesses them and eventually transforms their body into a copy of his original one, provided they derived satisfaction from killing him.
  • Sissy Villain: His high-pitched voice and affected mannerisms clash jarringly with his imposing and intimidating appearance.
  • Suddenly SHOUTING!: It would be an understatement to say that Lucius has a tendency to ABRUPTLY AND WITHOUT WARNING DO THIS! This actually makes him incredibly unsettling, as he lapses into Voice of the Legion while saying this.
  • Too Kinky to Torture: Judging by the fact that he enjoyed the beating he got from the Eldar when one of his pranks backfired, and by the simple fact he's a Slaaneshi champion, Lucius qualifies handily.
  • Troll: At the end of the Imperator short to Eliphas. His attitude makes sense, considering that he comes back to life as long as his killer derives any satisfaction from killing him, so it's actually in his best interests to make himself as loathsome as possible.
  • Unusual Euphemism: Unlike Ahriman, Lucius has a tendency to do this instead of normal swearing ("WHAT THE UNHOLY LORDY LOO!?") and even when he does swear it's ("We are going to skullfuck your families!").
  • Yaoi Fanboy: Writes fanfiction about an ork having his way with a space marine, which Typhus agrees to read aloud and record with his "sensuous voice".


First Captain of the Death Guard

  • Affably Evil: As befitting a Champion of Nurgle, Typhus is a cheerful guy who gladly takes sarcasm as genuinely helpful suggestions, reads Lucius' awful scripts as a favor to him and never gets angry or snaps at any of his colleagues, even the ones working under different gods who find him a disgusting blob.
  • Body Horror: Is entirely nonchalant about the sheer amount of awfulness his body holds, which includes tonsil-dwelling maggots. Champions of Nurgle tend to be like that.
  • Fat Bastard: Has a noticeable, pendulous gut.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Despite not knowing what a cli-TOR-is is, he thinks whatever it is sounds disgusting. Though one could argue that the disgustingness of Nurgle and Slaanesh fall into very different categories.
  • Large Ham: Like any proper Gilbert Gottfried imitation should, he keeps his voice and mannerisms up at all times.
  • Mad Artist: His novels are really just books filled with pages smeared with faeces.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Sounds very much like Gilbert Gottfried.
  • The Pig Pen: To the point of being permanently surrounded by flies.
  • Power Echoes: Has a deep echo that contrasts with his Gottfried voice.

Kharn the Betrayer

Captain of the World Eaters

  • Affably Evil: Judging by Ahriman and Lucius' comments, it's implied that Kharn really is going to be the "great guy" that 1d4chan would have you believe he is.
  • The Ghost: Kharn. It's actually commented on by the other three in the "Slaaneshmas" Special, who note that it feels incomplete with him not there to finish their quartet. Lucius even mentions calling to see if he wanted to come onto the show, but all he got were "angry grunts". He's not even sure if it wasn't just Angron who answered for him.

Eliphas the Inheritor

Former Dark Apostle of the Word Bearers and currently Chaos Lord of the Black Legion

  • Archenemy: Considers Sergeant Cornelius of the Ultramarines this, since it was because of him he was critically injured during the battle of Kronus and banished to the Basilica of Torment as punishment. Cornelius notes that he received promotion to Sergeant for that and never had another one since.
  • Bad Boss: Killed two of his Word Bearers on Kronus during the Hersey; but to be fair, both of them were mouthing off to him.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He has his moments.
    *upon seeing the Ultramarines flee in the middle of one of his monologues* "Such is the courage of the Space Marines..."
  • Drop the Hammer: Seemed to favor an Accursed Crozius during his days as a Word Bearer, though traded it for a Power Sword after switching to the Black Legion.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Took on and defeated three Ultramarines at the same time by himself with nary a scratch back on Kronus during the Horus Heresy.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Many of his appearances usually have him speaking in a calm, polite tone to both enemies and allies...even while describing how he's going to kill the former and while literally stabbing the latter in the back.
  • The Starscream: He got his title of "the Inheritor" by killing his former leader in the Word Bearers, after all. He tends to do this to his other allies as well.
    Black Legion Sorcerer: ELIPHAS! You treasonous dog!
    Eliphas: *sighing* They always say that...
  • Troll: Sent a letter to the Emperor during one of the questionaires saying "Furk you." He got psychically punched from halfway across the galaxy in response.
  • Villainous Friendship: With Kaen Salif, a fellow Word Bearers Daemon Prince. They often work together for their Chaos shenanigans and spend their free time at a Slaaneshi Pub.

     Daemons of Chaos 
Some Daemons rise above the rank and file of their kind, becoming favored by their God of origin. These are some of the most notable.

Skarbrand, Exile of Khorne

Once Khorne's favorite Greater Daemon, who fell out of favor with the Blood God after he was manipulated by Tzeentch into trying to attack his master. Now, he's a broken wreck fueled by his own hatred for pretty much everything.
  • Angrish: Is reduced to screaming unintelligible threats and futility bashing his axe after Fyodor opens Khaine's Gate.
  • Broken Angel: His wings were broken by Khorne's retaliation and he's completely insane.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Of the leading daemons of the army sent to kill The Inquistiion, he has the least serious reason to actually go after them. Where the others had legitimate reasons to get some revenge, with Kairos having one of his faces messed up, The Masque having one of her night-clubs ruined and Epidemius having boatloads of soap and a tub thrown at him, all the Inquisition ever did to Skarbrand was a single door-knock prank that lasted less than four seconds. Hell, he was not even mad that they ran off before he could answer the knock, but rather pissed off that they dared to knock in the first Place.
  • The Dreaded: Out of the entire Daemon army, he's the one the Inquisition forces fear most.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Yes, he is a psychotic daemon who hates everything equally and will destroy anything in his path, but he is a fine, contributing member of Khornate society and he will never, ever kill-steal.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: So many things set him off that he's basically always in the middle of exploding in anger.
  • Hates Being Touched: When punched by the Imperial dreadknight, he takes a moment to state he doesn't appreciate physical contact before cutting it apart.
  • Hates Everyone Equally: And everything equally too. This includes knocking sounds, standing outside and standing inside. He does hate standing in doorframes slightly less though. He also hates traffic jams, inconveniences, being misinterpreted, and the bald, as well as the balding, only slightly less.
  • Hero Killer: Kills Grand Master Elirush and Inquisitor Adrielle during the battle for the Gate of Khaine, and was literally inches away from murdering Karamazov too.
  • The Juggernaut: During the battle against the Inquisition, nothing that they throw at Skarbrand can do much more than slow him down, and once he actually gets into melee range he just crushes his target while they ineffectually strike at him. The only thing shown to deal more than a single wound to him is Kairos' psyker powers, in a case of reckless friendly fire. It takes the Star Child possessing Fyodor to finally stall him long enough for the Inquisition to get through The Gate of Khaine.
  • No Indoor Voice: He's too angry to lower his voice for any reason, so he's always stuck at "enraged screaming" in terms of volume.
  • One-Man Army: Skarbrand is virtually unmatched in close-quarters combat, to the point that he effortlessly kills a dreadknight and the grandmaster of the Grey Knights in melee and smashes through a Taurox like it's a toy.
  • Third-Person Person: SKARBRAND ALWAYS SPEAKS IN THE THIRD PERSON. However, if he stops talking like this then you should run harder than you already were because he's hit the boiling point of his Unstoppable Rage.
  • Unstoppable Force Meets Immovable Object: After bulldozing through every member of the Inquisition who got in his way, he's thwarted by The Gate of Khaine, which he can't break no matter how hard he hits it.

Kairos Fateweaver, The Oracle

The Oracle of Tzeentch, a Lord of Change with two heads, one of which always tells the truth and one of which tells an equally believable lie.
  • Didn't See That Coming: He didn't expect Adrielle to attack him when he answered in the affirmative to being a Genestealer.
  • Dude, Where's My Respect?: Becomes incensed when Grand Master Elirush vows vengeance on Skarbrand for the deaths of his Grey Knights when Kairos was the one who had killed them, which leads the Oracle to accuse Skarbrand of kill-stealing.
  • It's Personal: During the battle, he's less concerned with killing the Inquisition as a whole and more focused on Adrielle, after she ravaged his face.
  • Knights and Knaves: His whole shtick revolves around this. One head (the lower one) speaks the truth, while the other (the higher one) will always lie. Even in casual conversation, one head states what he really wants to say while the other just spews lies like a fire hose - the part about it being 'equally believeable' is a bold-faced lie.
  • Not in the Face!: Pleads for this concession when Adrielle attacks him, but doesn't get it.
  • Revenge: He wants nothing more than to pay Adrielle back for what she did to his faces, to the point that he'll gladly blast his own allies while they're in melee with her.
  • Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: He and Skarbrand bicker over kill-stealing and he really hates the angry daemon, considering his lying head begins to make outright love confessions.

Masque of Slaanesh, Eternal Dancer

A Daemonette, once Slaanesh's favorite, who fell out of favor with her lord and was cursed to dance forevermore. She understandably wants to escape this fate, and attempts to harvest the muscles of the Catachan Jungle Fighters to offer in tribute to her god.
  • Affably Evil: She's very personable, even when trying to tear her victims apart. During her confrontation with Kaldor Draigo she's downright flirtatious with him. Of course, this seems to be because she believes him to the the Silver Knight of Slaanesh, which he may or may not be, and is trying to suck up to him to get back in Slaanesh's good graces.
  • Big "NO!": She doesn't take the arrival of the Salamanders well, mostly because as genetically modified super soldiers their "swole isn't genuine" and isn't fit for her sacrifice to Slaanesh. Not, you know, the fact that her Daemonette army is practically worthless against the heavily armored Space Marines.
  • Know When to Fold 'Em: The second she realizes she's dealing with a Primarch, she fucks off to The Warp and takes her whole army with her. On the other hand, she tries to strike up a friendly conversation with Kaldor Draigo, who is both just as dangerous and a lot more unpredictable. He promptly stabs her in the face.
  • Not Quite Dead: Even when cowering in fear of Corvus Corax, she worries more about the temporary banishment she'd suffer rather than death since she's a Daemon. Logically, this also means she'll eventually bounce back from Draigo stabbing her through the chest.

Epidemius, The Tallyman

The Tallyman of Nurgle, his most favored Plaguebearer, who spends his days finding new kinds of disease and bacteria for his master.
  • Affably Evil: He politely asks the Inquisition to stop attacking him with soap, and openly expresses concern and rage when one of his Plaguebearers gets killed.
  • Angrish: He tends to make a gurgling "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" noise when he's mad.
  • Evil Sounds Raspy: One has to wonder how many diseases he's gargling and choking on. The most likely answer is all of them.
  • Fat Bastard: So big that he has his own throne that he rides on for his Nurglings to carry him on.
  • A Father to His Men: He's legitimately shocked and angered when one of his Plaguebearers gets killed by Deathwatch, and he orders the entire group to charge the squad with himself at the head.

     Spoiler Character 

Uriah Olathaire, The Last Priest of Terra
"Have you perhaps brought me here for a...second round?"

Voiced by: Balthazaar007

Thousands of years ago, he was the last follower of the Abrahamic faiths, untill the last church of Terra was destroyed by The Emperor and his Thunder Warriors. Originally thought to have died during this event, he was instead saved by the Chaos Gods and sent into the Warp where he has preached the word of Chaos Undivided for millenia.

  • Affably Evil: Despite having converted full-on to Chaos worship, Uriah is surprisingly well-spoken and...well, sane compared to most Chaos worshipers. He maintains a dignified and polite air throughout his second debate with the Emperor, the only times he really gets riled up is when the Emperor is really laying on the sass hard, and he gives as good as he can get in the verbal argument. He doesn't even attempt to hurt anyone throughout the conversation and leaves peacefully in the end.
  • Berserk Button: Nothing riles him up more than smack talking about his former religion. The Emperor learns the hard way when he brought him on the podcast and winds up leading several portions of the Imperium to side to Chaos.
  • Crisis of Faith: Having lost faith in both humanity and his religion, he was eventually turned to the Gods of Chaos instead, worshiping them as parts of a single entity through Chaos Undivided.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Downplayed. While he's quite polite compared to everyone else in the Podcast, his prior history with the Emperor and Emp's usual behavior makes him more prone to snark every so often.
    Uriah: Oh my GODS! If it isn't Revelation in the flesh! Or, well, sorry - that isn't a very apt way of describing it anymore now is it?
  • The Dreaded: Even the freaking Custodes become uneasy by his presence. Though this has more to do with his personal connection to the Emperor and how his criticisms have more than a grain of truth to them than it does his ability to cause physical damage.
    Custodisi: Oh no! He has actual arguements! Run for cover!
  • Even Evil Has Standards: He might be a hard-core Chaos worshipper, but he's outright disgusted when the Emperor and the other Imperials joke that his church was made from the bodies of dead babies.
  • Face–Heel Turn: The Emperor expected to bring back a long-dead soul from the Warp. He succeeded... Only to discover that said soul was very much alive, and a worshipper of Chaos. Though to what degree he's a "Heel" is up for debate since he doesn't seem to share the provocations of his contemporaries.
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: During his life as a mortal, he was but a mere human priest on his last few days who was unable to save his Abrahamic religion. Now, his mere presence on Terra is enough to cause thunderstorms around the Imperial Palace and he only needed a few minutes of talking to turn several parts of the Imperium to Chaos, something almost no followers of the Ruinous Powers can boast about.
  • Good Shepherd: If his sermons really are all about "love and prosperity" and how mortals should only emulate the positive aspects of the chaos gods (honor, creativity, endurance, etc.) than he would fit this trope. Making excuses for bloodletters, on the other hand, would not.
  • Gone Horribly Right: The Emperor summoned him for a "second round" of their debate in The Last Church. He got it alright.
    • Bonus points for Rogal's warning his father about this trope beforehand!
  • Hazy Feel Turn: He makes the argument that he hasn't really changed since his first debate with the Emperor, chaos-conversion and likely daemon-ness none withstanding. He is still preaching "love and prosperity" and considers the four chaos gods to be segments of a single divine entity.
  • Humanoid Abomination: The only things he has to show in his corruption is the eight pointed star of Chaos on his head, his blue eyes and three horns on his forehead. But the fact that his mere presence causes thunderstorms on Terra, his warp-dependency, and the fact that he gains a Voice of the Legion when he gets upset are very good signs that things have indeed changed quite a lot since he was last seen eleven millennia ago.
  • Insistent Terminology: He uses terms that are antiquated or otherwise esoteric, but have cropped up in the actual 40K canon. He refers to the daemons as Neverborn, Chaos The Powers and Chaos Undivided The Powers Undivided, and the Horus Heresy as The Inter-Legionary Wars.
  • Only Sane Man: Presents himself as such, and makes a very good case, considering he's the only one that fails to see why the hell would anyone start a planet-wide civil war over which day to eat tacos.
  • Precision F-Strike: Lets slip a "[REDACTED] YOU!" after hearing the Emperor justify his hypocrisy with the line "The difference is, I know I am right".
  • Rage Breaking Point: Uriah never shows more than frustration in the face of the Emperor's antics...then the Emperor brings up Uriah's former religion. The old priest immediately loses it.
    Uriah: All right! Listen here, you SHRIEKING REVENANT! I am getting rather sick of all this horrid hypocrisy that you are heaving forth but since you want to play that game so badly, LET'S GO!
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Delivers a blistering tirade towards the Emperor calling him out for his hypocrisies in using religious trappings while trying to stamp out religion (and committing far worse atrocities than any religion in human history), deconstructing the Emperor's motives in guiding humanity, and outlining the differences between Chaos and the Imperial truth in a way that makes the latter unappealing in comparison. It's so effective the Emperor can't entirely counter Uriah's arguments and social upheavals start popping up all over Terra as people start converting to Chaos.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: Subverted - Uriah would very much like to leave, since apparently the Emperor summoned him during a service, but he can't return to the Warp under his own power. Emps takes advantage of this and forces Uriah to sit through a Q & A segment before giving him the boot.
  • Sinister Minister: Although he is far more sane and less outright malevolent than most followers of Chaos, he is still a mighty follower of the Dark Gods, and goes all apologetic for bloodletters, for instance.
  • Villain Has a Point: The Emperor brought him on thinking he had an easy win and only caused rebellions on Holy Terra when it turned out his claims had more than a little truth than what was comfortable.
  • Voice of the Legion: Lapses into this when he's really upset. Considering that his debate opponent is the Emperor, it doesn't take long for it to come out.
  • White Sheep: His beliefs and reasons for supporting Chaos are preeety far from the behavior of other Chaos-worshippers on-screen. While honor, cleverness, joy and resilience are encouraged by other worshippers, do you really think Lucius agrees that Chaos is connected with "love and prosperity"? (No, not that kind of love.) He casually mentions this himself during his rant, saying that they made the same mistake as the Emperor in their simplistic understanding (he starts to get into this more, but Emps keeps talking over him and he gets pissed off). His view of Chaos actually is quite close to the one Magnus argued for in an earlier video, so it's not entirely unique.
  • Wouldn't Hurt a Child: Would like you to know that his church is NOT made out of dead babies. He thinks the Custodes are insane for suggesting the murder of "treasonous babies."

     The Great Horned Rat 

The Great Horned Rat, Cruel God of The Skaven
Voiced by: Zegram
The patron god of the Skaven. Chaos God of backstabbing, scheming, and disease, the Great Horned Rat has taken the place of Slaanesh... to pimp his new holiday of "Great Horned Rat Day". His only appearance is in the special "SLAANESHMAS IS OVER".

The Eldar

     Gods of the Eldar 

Gods of The Eldar, The Former Lords of The Galaxy

Three Eldar gods survived the birth of Slaanesh: Isha, the goddess of healing; Cegorach, the Laughing God; and Khaine, the god of war, who has been shattered into countless shards of essence (though that doesn't stop him from using Spacebook and being Khorne's gym buddy). Thus far, all three seem to be considerably more level-headed than the rest of the galaxy.
  • Berserk Button: Unless you're Ephrael Stern levels of strong, don't badmouth Cegorach's Harlequins. He's already bad news even in a good mood, and he will plot your demise if you so much as take a dig at them or their material.
  • Creepy Good: Cegorach is without question one of the most terrifying beings shown in the entirety of the series, with attitudes ranging from nightmarishly humorous (his default mood) to utterly menacing. That being said, all of his malicious actions have been directed to Asshole Victims like the C'Tan, Ahriman, and dangerous Space Marine chapters, all of whom could cause unspeakable damage on a planetary if not galactic scale if left unchecked. While he does toy around with Custodisi and Whammudes for shits and giggles, he doesn't do anything to actually harm them and even lets them into the Black Library (though it's ambiguous whether he mistook them for Solitaries or if he actually knew who they were from the beginning and simply let them in cause they were Custodes like Kitten).
  • French Jerk: Cegorach has a notably thick French accent due to his voice actor Failsnake being French. He's also a massive Troll who enjoys either antagonizing or messing with anyone who comes to the Black Library. He also collaborated with The Deceiver to bait it's fellow C'tan into warring among themselves and almost driving themselves to total extinction, seemingly for giggles.
  • Friendly Enemy: Strictly speaking, the Eldar gods are the enemies of Chaos. Isha still has a happy relationship with Nurgle, and Khaine and Khorne are gym buddies.
    • Also, the C'tan are supposed to be the enemies of all sentient life of the galaxy. Cegorach and the Deceiver had a great time screwing over the rest of the C'tan.
  • Grumpy Old Man: Khaine is the oldest god still in existence, and has little patience with the antics of those Chaos whippersnappers.
  • Leitmotif: Cegorach has Prime Clown, a whimsically menacing accordion tune that manages to override the Intro theme (before ending with a Seinfeld Shout-Out).
  • Mind Hive: Presumably Khaine survived in a state similar to the Emperor's, with one central ego and a plethora of lesser soul shards.
  • Monster Clown: Cegorach, with his odd mismatched clothes and eternal Slasher Smile. Most of his malicious actions have been directed to Asshole Victims such as Ahriman and the C'Tan, who kinda deserved what was coming to them, but he's also used his appearance and creepiness to terrify Whammudes and Custodisi as well. Although arguably Whammudes and Custodisi are also Asshole Victims based on how they treat Kitten.
    • It makes sence since Ahriman and C'Tan are galactic-scale threats and Custodes are Jerk Jocks at worst.
  • Nice Girl: Isha is sensitive, considerate, and all around pleasant to everyone but Slaanesh. She certainly has her reasons.
  • Scary Librarian: Cegorach protects the Black Library of the Eldar. Ahriman eventually found this out the hard way.
  • Troll: Cegorach is the apotheosis of trolldom. He plays Ahriman like a fiddle, and played a part in convincing the C'tan to start eating each other, for kicks as much as strategy. He also menaces Custodisi and Whammudes for absolutely no reason other than it amused him given he was going to let them into the Black Library anyway.

    Eldrad Ulthran 

Eldrad Ulthran, Chief Farseer of Craftworld Ulthwé

Voiced by: Fredrik Knudsen

This really is not the time for tomfoolery, though. The Despoiler gathers his forces in the Eye... The children of man stir and breathe anew, eons of corrosion shuffled off... And so, with this new era approaching it is time to make our final preparations.

The most powerful of Farseers among the Eldar, and a de facto leader of their race fond of subtle manipulations to twist the threads of fate in his favor (and against anyone else) as well as the occasional bout of dickishness.

  • Brutal Honesty: Even when he's not being mystic and being utterly blunt and truthful, he can be a bit of a dick.
    Sylandri Veilwalker: Sure thing, Farseer. Let's just hope Cypher isn't a big, bewildering bag of hooded dicks about it.
    Eldrad: *nonchalantly* I am sure he will be.
  • Crying Wolf: Part of why Vect tells him to shove off is that his whole "Our race is doomed" topic is worn as hell; the Aeldari have been doomed for over ten thousand years already, and he's come up with several "stop this or we die" prophecies and visions during that time, and Eldrad just cannot get across that this time it's worse than ever.
  • Leitmotif: Eldrad's Theme - The Pathfinder
  • The Gadfly: While not nearly as dickish as Vect, since he knows when to drop the act, he's fond of acting utterly mystical and unapproachable to his own people while drowning them in Ice Cream Koans and then laughing at their gullibleness, not to mention the things he sets up with his visions of the future when things aren't so dire.

    Asdrubael Vect 

Asdrubael Vect, Supreme Overlord of The Dark City

Voiced by: Randolph Carter

What!? Oh. One moment, sorry Eldrad, I was not talking to you, I'm-I'm at a thing right now. We're in the middle of pin the tail on the mon-keigh!

Primary holder of political power among the Drukhari, aka the Dark Eldar. Is a dick worse than Eldrad.

  • Cain and Abel: The Cain to Eldrad's Abel, but given who he is, there's no indication whether they're actually brothers or trolling.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: He technically needs pain and suffering to live, but like all Dark Eldar he takes incredible glee in doing it and doesn't care about what his kin thinks.
  • Cheshire Cat Grin: Fittingly, Vect is drawn wearing a rather devious smile at all times.
  • Enemy Mine: Subverted. Eldrad tries to get him to work for survival of the Eldar, he doesn't care to work with Eldrad, gleefully noting that his foreign policy is to ignore the Eldar.
  • Evil Laugh: He's got a good one, that often slips out during his conversation with Eldrad. Can develop into a loud coughing fit if he does it too hard.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Even more so than Lucius, since he isn't even making Terms of Endangerment, he's holding a polite conversation while engaged in normal Dark Eldar politics.
  • The Hedonist: He's a Drukhari, it's part of the package. Most notably he spends just about all of his screen time to date lazing back while having his servant pour wine into his mouth for him since he can't be assed to get up and do it himself.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: The only time his polite facade fades is when Eldrad talks about Ynnead.
    Vect: blithering codger. You actually mean to tell me that old fairy tale has got you all up in arms AGAIN!? Another drink. Now, please.
  • Spikes of Villainy: He wears the typical high fashion of Commorragh, which may well be the spikiest place in the Webway. As highlighted by Eldrad:
    Eldrad: Listen, Vect. Listen. I hate you. I hate you, and your stupid spiky city, and your stupid spiky hat so much.
  • That Makes Me Feel Angry: Due to the fact that his Faux Affably Evil nature is combined with being high off of the best Dark Eldar drugs imaginable, the only indication that he is absolutely livid with Eldrad is when he has to tell the Farseer how angry he is. Even then, it's coming through in cheery, drug-addled tones because Vect is just that high.
  • Troll: More so than Eldrad, who knows when to get serious. Vect just trolls and trolls.

     Lady Malys 

Lady Aurelia Malys, Archon of the Kabal of the Poisoned Tongue

Voiced by: Naerina

Vect is clearly planning something tonight, and I am not one to let his plans go unhindered.

One of the most successful Archons of the Drukhari and a rival to Asdrubael Vect.

  • Berserk Button: Does not appreciate any references to her past relationship with Vect.
  • Combat Hand Fan: Carries a razor-edged steel fan in her left hand.
  • Cool Mask: Wears an ornate mask on the left side of her face.
  • Drama Queen: Is given to histrionics on hearing of a possible Daemon invasion.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: As cruel as she is, even she thinks that breaking open Khaine's Gate to let in a horde of daemons just to attack political rivals (something which she mistakenly thinks Vect is responsible for) is a terrible idea.
  • French Jerk: Speaks in a thick French accent, complete with "hon hon hon" laughter. She's also in cahoots with another French Jerk, Cegorach.
  • Lady of War: She decides to lead the Kabal (ie her army of warriors) personally after realizing that Asdrubel Vect is up to no good.
  • Nightmare Face: When Cegorach's influence makes itself known she gains a horrifying Slasher Smile and the eyepiece of her mask turns into an actual eye.
  • Spikes of Villainy: Her corset and the puffy shoulders of her dress are spiky.


Tahril, Former Archon of the Kabal of the Black Heart

Voiced by: ThunderPsyker

At once, my most frightening - and highly replaceable - lady...

An ex-Archon of Asdrubael Vect's Kabal, and currently an underling to Lady Malys.

  • Cool Helmet: An enormous conical open-faced helm topped with bladed horns and a screaming head.
  • The Dragon: Serves as one to Lady Malys, though judging from his comments he's only doing so because he's being punished for botching the Kaurava Campaign and he's not happy about it. In truth, he is this to The Deceiver as the only (known) agent carrying out The Deceiver's plans.
  • Evil Sounds Raspy: He speaks in a low, raspy voice.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: He is the Blue Oni to Lady Malys's Red Oni, being more calm and reserved.
  • Spared by the Adaptation: He canonically got his ass beat by Gorgutz in the Kaurava Campaign, though in this canon he survived and was Demoted to Dragon, presumably as a punishment for such an enormous military failure and his ambitions of overthrowing Vect.
  • The Starscream: Is apparently still one of these, judging by his under-his-breath comment about how easily replaceable Lady Malys is.
  • Shoulders of Doom: His pauldrons make him twice as broad as he is normally.



Cypher, Lord of The Fallen.
Nearly 20 episodes later and still plotting.

Voiced by: Verry

One of the most mysterious traitors of the Fallen Angels, a man who has eluded the Dark Angels for millenia and avoided capture ever since. He is currently plotting...something that involves a planet of ancient tech, The Mechanicus and a free ride onto the Dark Angels ship. The goals for this is currently unknown.

  • Arch-Enemy: He is this for the Dark Angels because he is their most mysterious traitor.
  • Eating Shoes: He's been stuck in a desert planet for so long, one of the reasons he's glad the Dark Angels finally arrived is that he can "finally eat something that isn't fucking sand".
  • Guns Akimbo: Wields a plasma pistol and a boltpistol as his weapons of choice.
  • In the Hood: As with most members of The Fallen, he's sinister with that hood of his.
  • Long Game: He's been planning something for millenia while on the run from the Dark Angels, to the point where their leaders seemingly don't remember what he looks like.
  • The Plan: He is planning something that may or may not aid or harm the Imperium. We just have no idea what it is yet.
  • Refuge in Audacity: He infiltrates the Dark Angels by... walking right up to them and asking if they have any chips.
  • Squee!: Whenever nobody is around is around to see or hear it, he tends to do this when things go as planned.

     The Tyranids 

The Tyranids

An insectoid Xeno race from beyond the galaxy who has one single goal in mind for the countless planets they have come across: To devour everything in sight and to adapt and evolve in every possible way.

  • Horde of Alien Locusts: Possibly the biggest one ever seen in fiction, due to how their full swarm is at least ten times bigger than the whole damn galaxy!
  • Vile Villain, Saccharine Show: When these guys show up, there are very little laughs to be found. Even the daemons are treated as a lesser horror in comparision to these guys.

     The Deceiver 

Mephet'ran the Deceiver, the Jackal God
The oldest player in this whole game

The C'Tan known as the Deceiver, one of the most powerful among them all and definitely the most clever among them. Even in his weakened form he continues to plot and scheme behind the scenes, but it's become clear to him that current events call for drastic measures.

  • Alien Geometries: Speaking to him requires unfolding what may be one of his shards, an unfolding cube that seemingly contains an entire dimension in itself.
  • The Chessmaster: And one of the best at that. Even today he's not afraid to throw his own plans into the growing pile, coordinating the perfect moment to eliminate one of the biggest perceived threats he knows.
  • Darkest Hour: He considers the current galactic situation to be at its most grimdark.
    Deceiver: State of affairs is actually what amounts to a collection of rocks desperately clawing their inanimate ears out as the organic shriek-machines are pulling them all STRAIGHT down the End Times pit. [...] Shit is flying left, right, up, down, nobody knows what the fuck is happening, but on, and on, AND ON they keep wailing their song of mutual destruction! 'Heretic!', 'Savage!', 'Upstart!', 'Lapdog!', 'LET ME EAT YOUR SPINE!', GAAAAAARGH! SHUT THE FUCK UP TAHRIL! You're part of the problem!
  • Electronic Speech Impediment: When unpacked to speak with him, he "coughs" like a broken record and needs to clear his nonexistent throat before continuing.
  • Go-Karting with Bowser: According to Tzeentch, he plays children's card games with Tzeentch, the Laughing God, and the Emperor regularly.
  • Ice-Cream Koan: Not quite koans, but he has a certain flowery, metaphor-choked way of speaking that can get confusing. He's thankfully aware enough of the current problem's seriousness to clarify if pushed.
  • Leitmotif: The Deceiver has his own theme song in the form of the Jackal God.
  • Mood-Swinger: To the point the show's Limited Animation deigned to give him actual facial expressions. In one conversation he quickly swings between Affably Evil smarm, annoyance brought from superiority and pure, frustrated anger back and forth.
  • No-Nonsense Nemesis: To Kaldor Draigo, even if the latter is probably not aware of it. The threat of his return is the only thing that'll get him off his trollish jokes and godly smugness, and he makes sure to be as clear as possible that he's not fucking around this time.
    Tahril: You know, you're saying a lot without saying much... so, you're planning on killing Kaldor Draigo?
    Deceiver: He cannot be allowed entrance to the materium again! No way! It CANNOT happen! It would spell DISASTER for my galaxy, Tahril! His screams will overpower ALL! Do you hear me Tahril!? LISTEN HERE, YOU KNIFE-EARED LITTLE SHIT! KALDOR DRAIGO MUST. BE. STOPPED!
  • Pragmatic Villainy: He wants to prevent destruction for the galaxy, but not for altruistic reasons.
  • Suddenly SHOUTING!: As part of his Mood-Swinger trait, he will be talking smoothly one moment and THEN SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF HIS NON-EXISTENT LUNGS! the next, in order to gets points across.
  • Troll: Perhaps the biggest in the galaxy. He's screwed over his fellow C'Tan before and had a mighty good laugh about it, and even when speaking with his subordinates he's not above jerking them around.
  • Wild Card: He's not really on anyone's side except his, which he claims is the side of "his" galaxy as a whole. Tellingly, while everyone else's plans are in favor of their own side or against another, his own is almost entirely perpendicular to any of their goals, and its purpose is to protect the entire galaxy from and eliminate Kaldor Draigo, who he believes would end up destroying it.


Example of: