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Characters / Homestuck Exiles

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During the course of a session, five Carapacians, Dersite or Prospitian, will be exiled by being sent through a Skaian portal. They land on the barren home of the players, and together rebuild a new society, while advising the players of the session via terminals that grew out of the meteors that destroyed the player's homes.

There are three known groups of Exiles: the desert wanderers of Pre-Scratch Earth, the violent gangsters of the Midnight Crew who advised the Troll Session, and the starving Dersites who pester Roxy on Post-Scratch Earth.


All Exiles are an example of:

  • After the End: After abandoning the Incipisphere, their lives take place in the planet of the players they guide.
  • Clones Are People, Too: Almost all exiles (those with barcode tatoos on their wrists) are cloned carapacians from the facilities in the Veil.
  • Demoted to Extra: Both groups Exiles were major focuses of the early Acts, with the Midnight Crew in particular receiving a whole Intermission to itself. Come Act 6, the Post-Scratch Kids have no proper Exiles and the closest equivalents are given lines, no names, or personalities.
  • Flat Character: Only a few Exiles in each group receive much focus. For the wanderers this is WV and PM. For the Midnight Crew, it's Spades Slick.
  • Insistent Terminology: Averted. Technically, the correct way to refer to them would be as "The WV" or "The PM", but that sounds a bit silly so nobody does.
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  • Interspecies Romance: Despite Prospit and Derse being programmed into Sburb as enemies, both Prospitans and Dersites seem to find each other attractive (Spades Slick and Ms. Paint, for example).
  • In-Universe Nickname: Jade refers to WV and PM as "Mr. Mayor" and "Miss Mail Lady", while Dave and Karkat simply refer to WV as "The Mayor". Fans extend this to the rest of the exiles.
  • Meaningful Rename: Their names change to fit their current roles, while keeping their initials.
  • Meanwhile, in the Future…: years in the future, but not many
  • The Needless: We don't know exactly how long the exiles wandered the wastelands before joining together, because we don't know when their meteors landed, but it was long enough to wear down and turn all their clothes brown or grey. Yet, in all that time, they seem to have survived without any clear source of food or water. They are still capable of feeling hunger.
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  • Nominal Importance: Of a sort for the desert wanderers. They don't really have names, they only have initials. They're still important though, WV especially within terms of the game. Averted for the Midnight Crew, though it was played straight back when they were Exiles
  • Single-Issue Wonk: Several exiles have odd obsessions with various things, though this dies down as they develop as characters.
  • Voice with an Internet Connection: They use various computer terminals planted by Skaia to direct Sburb players.
  • Walking the Earth: Or Alternia in the case of the Midnight Crew.

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    The Wanderers/Pre-Scratch Exiles 

The Pre-Scratch Exiles are examples of

  • Ascended Fridge Horror: Fans speculated that because the Kid's scratch would reset their Universe, the Exiles we know would die as part of it rebooting. Then Jack Noir himself came and slaughtered them all, leaving just PM and a mortally wounded WV.
  • Chess Motifs: PM and WV are both Pawns, AR is probably one too. WK and WQ are royalty though.
    • PM travelled to the other side of the board and was promoted, AR sacrificed himself early on for John, and WV is a subversion in that he rejects the rules and attacks his own king.
  • Five-Man Band: The Wanderers roughly fit this. As a bonus, they have their own album.
  • Gender Flip: Flip the genders of all the Exiles and their story becomes a fairly standard following of The Hero's Journey.
  • Homage: WV and PM are seen by many to be one to WALL•E note 
  • Killed Off for Real: Just before the Exiles can escape the desolate Earth to another universe, the demon who destroyed their kingdoms ambushes and kills the White King, the White Queen, and the Aimless Renegade. Although the narrative then moves on to an alternate universe where versions of each of these three characters should exist, the alternate White King is killed before having a single line of dialogue and the counterpart for the Renegade is never encountered, leaving them as two of the only Homestuck characters without some counterpart living by the ending.
  • Official Couple: The White King and Queen, as co-monarchs, are husband and wife.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Oh so very much so. Although the WQ and WK actually vaguely stepped down in their badass levels, PM and WV were just normal pawns that are now respectively a Queen destined to become a space warping One-Man Army and the hero of a (failed) revolution.
  • Unspoken Plan Guarantee: Subverted. Word of God states they were going to use the teleporters in the bases to escape their universe, and then destroy the bases so no one else could follow them. Then Jack arrived. Needless to say, it failed.

Wayward Vagabond/Warweary Villein/Wastelandic Vindicator/Wizardly Vassal/The Mayor

Years in the future, but not many, a WAYWARD VAGABOND records a stuttering step in the sun-bleached dust.

Exiled to the ruined Earth during the Reckoning, he plants suggestions in John's head using a mysterious terminal he finds in a bunker in a desert where Rose's house used to be. Prior to his exile, he was a simple WARWEARY VILLEIN attempting to eke out a living as a farmer on the battlefields of Skaia. He incited a revolution against the Black King, fulfilling his role as a game concept, but his army was slaughtered by Jack Noir. The fourth playable character introduced.

  • Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!:
    "Perhaps one day you will find something new to bear. A burden befitting of the peasant you truly are.
    Oh my what's that shiny thing in the water."
  • Audience Surrogate: He provides the all-caps directions that John hears in Act 2 after the meteor destroys John's suggestion box.
  • Authority in Name Only: "The glorious founder and mayor of CAN TOWN. A number of rather civic-minded CITIZEN CANS offer adulation to their fair and magnanimous leader."
  • Badass Adorable: He may be a cute little space case, but remember that he managed to merge the black and white armies and stand up against the Black King all in mere moments.
  • Bad Dreams: He has a nightmare about killing his own army. This is the only occasion a character someone has a dream outside of Derse, Prospit, or a dreambubble.
  • Berserk Button: KINGS. He's okay with WQ, though - she's a Queen (and then she abdicates anyway).
  • The Chosen One: Subverted. Word of God says that WQ privately chose him to wield the ring. It doesn't happen.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Fortunately for him, his grasp on reality is pretty tenuous.
  • The Cuckoolander Was Right: Several times, most notably saying John was the apprentice of a thief.
  • Dangerous Deserter: Zig-zagged. WV deserted the Black Army to be a farmer, but none of his superiors seem to care — at least until he got fed up and raised an army to overthrow them. Then, the only one to act on it was an usurper who left him alone alive to see the ruination of his dreams.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: Despite being a Dersite, he's one of the nicer people in the series; his earlier rudeness to John was simply because he didn't know about human etiquette. He was even able to lead an army of both Prospitians and Dersites against the Black King.
  • Decoy Protagonist: Zig zags around. He was built up for some time as the central Exile, seemingly destined to be the one who faced Jack even as PM took a more proactive role. Then Jack punched a hole through his stomach, and PM got the ring anyway. But he still ends up much more important to the main characters directly, while PM remains more distant.
  • Dramatic Irony: To him, the rebellion was a failure and because of this he was nothing but a fool for believing that he could be a leader. To what was left of his former army, he was a great hero who gave them hope in the bleakest of times, despite the tragic ending of the rebellion.
  • Earn Your Happy Ending: Though nearly all the main heroes have done this in Act 7, none earned it more than WV did. After all the trauma he went through, he finally gets to be the mayor of a beautiful, real version of Can Town with his dear friend PM right by his side.
  • Everybody's Dead, Dave: Yeah...
    Everyone is dead.
    Everyone except you.
  • Ensemble Dark Horse: In-Universe. The kids and trolls on the meteor become huge fans of him, even as their own social groups break down.
  • Extreme Omnivore: In addition to haven eaten a pumpkin, a potted plant, several pieces of chalk, a chunk of uranium, and a cyborg bunny's eye, he learned proper human etiquette by eating a book on it. It seems like he'll eat anything as long as it's green, or if it had been green at some point in time. Doesn't matter if it's edible or not.
    • The one exception to this is paradox ghost slime, which he describes as "unappetizing sludge."
  • Foil: He mirrors Jack Noir pretty well. They're both male Dersites who detest their leaders and start to rebel, but unlike Jack Noir, WV is more silly than actively malicious. And of course, they're literally counterparts in eliminating members of the Black Royalty.
  • Foreshadowing: Nannasprite's exposition to John and WV's interruptions hinted WV's true role long before it was actually revealed, especially his response of "ME??" when she says that the war continued forever until 'you' showed up — it's initially played as a joke, but in fact he did break the stalemate, explaining why he initially thought she was talking to him.
  • For Want of a Nail: Jack Noir was able to slaughter all the Exiles, escape into the trolls' session, and kill Bilious Slick...because WV hit the Caps Lock key at the wrong time.
  • Genius Ditz: He wastes lots of time doing strange things like playing with cans, but the Wayward Vagabond seems to be remarkably adept with computers (even bizarre alien computers he has never seen before) as well as being able to think very fast on his feet and having "an uncanny knack for tracking precise distances [he has] already traversed, in whatever units [he chooses]." That he is, in essence, a living chess piece who spent his life on a battlefield may go some way toward explain his talents.
    • And despite the way he blames himself for his failure, his rebellion against the Black King nearly succeeded before Jack Noir intervened, something over which he had no control. This implies that's actually good at tactics, leadership, and inspiring others. Keep in mind that Black winning the war by default is supposed to be a universal constant in the setting, yet the WV nearly overthrew the Black King with no help from the kids.
  • The Hero: For the Exiles as a whole.
  • Heroic BSoD: Seeing the armies he led into rebellion getting brutally, mercilessly slaughtered may well account for his eccentricities.
  • Heroic Self-Deprecation: He calls himself an idiot and starts bonking himself on the head when he mistakes an appearafier for a deappearafier. It starts out hilarious until you find out that he's got major self-esteem issues from his failed rebellion.
  • Hidden Depths: Among other things, while his responses play up how unimportant he thinks the queen's ring is, when he falls asleep he has a dream of himself turning into Jack, implying that he might (at least subconsciously) know what it does and refuses to put it on because he fears becoming a monster like Jack.
  • Hilarity Ensues: Pretty much everything WV does. Including going on a road trip in the middle of a battlefield. Except his backstory, that's not hilarious at all. At least until he meets up with John. Then it was hilarious again.
  • I Have Many Names: More so than the rest.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Jack really wanted that uranium.
  • Informed Attractiveness: It's sort of hard for us to see the intricacies of chess people hotness, but apparently he had quite the gaggle of admirers at one point.
  • Instant Fan Club: His planetary army is revealed to be basically this. He is apparently also attractive and has numerous fan girls.
    • Dave gushes over him in particular, but it seems to be the consensus aboard the meteor that the Mayor is the coolest guy around.
  • Jerkass: At first, but only because he didn't know human customs.
  • Manchild: Justified in that Carapacians are not mentally the same as humans or trolls.
  • Maybe Ever After: With PM in Act 7.
  • Mayor of a Ghost Town: Deems himself the mayor of Can Town, a group of cabs he randomly assembled.
  • My Greatest Failure: His unsuccessful rebellion, and the murder of everyone under his command by Jack Noir.
  • No Indoor Voice: Initially, he communicates with John in ALL CAPS, UNTIL HE ACCIDENTally hits the capslock key.
  • Please Wake Up: He types JOHN. RISE UP. after Tear Jerker he sees him being stabbed by Jack.
  • Plucky Comic Relief: He is a Cloudcuckoolander to the extreme, and even being on a Trauma Conga Line barely manages to faze him. Nevertheless, virtually everything he does is humorous and while he does still have plot importance, it is fairly minor.
  • Psychic Dreams for Everyone: Normally only players (not Carapacians) get the psychic dreams. However, WV has repeatedly show the ability to dream in dreambubbles regardless; Vriska was even once able to communicate with him through one.
  • Red Herring: There were a number of hints that he would put on the White Queen's Ring. The ring ultimately went to PM, who was already a white queen.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Raised a planetary army in response to constant warfare burning down his farm.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: To the Black Army
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: his barcode reminds him of the war. He also paints his exile station to represent the Incipisphere.
  • Sidequest Sidestory: In an ordinary session, WV functions as a backdoor means to eliminate the Black King, though it is seemingly extremely difficult to do so. Didn't happen in the Kid's session because of Jack.
  • Supporting Protagonist: In terms of story, PM is the hero of the Exiles, but he is the one we focus on the most and was introduced first. This was subverted later, with WV becoming much more directly important to the protagonists.
  • Survivor's Guilt: Oh yeah.
  • Take a Third Option: Opted to attack BOTH the White King and the Black King, he and his army simply attacked the Black King first.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: He compulsively eats anything green, and he sometimes doesn't even seem aware that he does so. He also describes green text and buttons as "attractive" and tells John not to die in the "tasty fire" when he's surrounded by green flames.
    • Tab — purely because it's drinkable.
  • Transformation Sequence: Literally, in his dreams.
  • Trauma Conga Line: His farm burns down, his army is slaughtered, his mission from John is a failure, he's exiled and wanders Earth alone for several hundred years, watches as Jack murders John, he has a horrific nightmare about Jack, and just as things are looking up for him, Jack comes in, rips uranium out of his stomach, and leaves him to bleed to death.

Peregrine Mendicant/Parcel Mistress/Prospitian Monarch

Minutes in the future, though perhaps not as few as implied by circumstance, a PEREGRINE MENDICANT trundles precious cargo beneath the gleam of the celestially ominous.

Like the Wayward Vagabond, a wandering soul living in the future who, while wheeling around a collection of mailboxes, stumbles across a Sburb capsule. Prior to the Reckoning, she was a simple PARCEL MISTRESS on a quest to deliver a very important package. The sixth playable character.

  • Action Girl: That sword sure ain't there just to look nice. What does she do when she sees that Bec Noir is attacking AR and WV? Leaps at him with her sword. When that fails? Prototypes herself with WQ's ring, giving her powers equal to him, grabs WV's wounded body, and confronts Bec Noir directly. That this is only the second time we have ever seen a genuine Oh, Crap! moment on his part should tell you everything you need to know.note 
  • Almighty Janitor: From postal worker to monarch in no time at all.
  • The Aloner: After she sends WV and Serenity to Karkat and the others, she's essentially completely alone.

    Maybe simple things are the key to the heart of a lady. You do not know because you do not know anything about ladies really. They are a riddle draped in a mystery wrapped in post-apocalyptic shroudwear.
  • Awesome Moment of Crowning: When she puts on the Queen's ring and defiantly stands against Jack.
  • Berserk Button: Don't mess with the mail. No, seriously. Do not mess with the mail.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: After he attacks her and steals away the White King's scepter, PM beheads the Hegemonic Brute.
    • Jack Noir killed WQ, WK, AR, and severely wounded WV. PM is PISSED.
    • During [S]Collide Jade attempted to get between her and Bec Noir. PM simply punched Jade out before continuing the fight.
  • Big Good: For the Exiles as a whole, especially after ascending.
  • The Big Guy: PM is quite adept with her REGISWORD, making her this in the Exiles' Five-Man Band.
  • Break the Cutie: Averted; all of the traumatic events she's gone through have only strengthened her resolve.
  • Character Development: Originally a peaceful, pacifistic and duty-bound Pawn, eventually developed into a courageous, able-bodied, and determined Queen.
  • Chess Motifs: Starts as a pawn; gets promoted to Queen.
  • Cool Sword: One of the main reasons for being an Ensemble Darkhorse.
  • The Determinator: The mail. Will. Be. Delivered. She ends up pretty mad at John, but it is delivered.
    • And after prototyping herself, she's been chasing after Jack non-stop for two years. And reality shattering around her only distracted her for a brief moment before she just picked back up again.
    • Her determination is strong enough to punch Jade aside (As she couldn't kill her) when she tries to stop the fight between her and Bec Noir, regardless of the Undying Loyalty to Jade programmed into the prototyping.
  • Early-Bird Cameo: Sort of. We've already met Peregrine Mendicant, but Dream Jade gives us an early look at Parcel Mistress.
  • Enemy Mine: During [S] Game Over, she briefly teams up with Bec Noir to kill Dave, who they both mistakenly perceive as a threat to (the already dead) Jade.
  • The Everyman: More so than the rest of the Exiles, but changes a fair amount as she becomes Queen.
  • Face–Heel Turn: She suddenly turns on Dave alongside Jack in [S]Game Over. It's possible this was all just a horrific misunderstanding, as Dave was chasing them for absconding with Jade's body.
  • Foil: While WV parallel's Jack Noir, PM is his opposite in every way. This refers back to the larger Chess Motifs.
  • Good Counterpart: To Jack, after putting on the White Queen's Ring.
  • Handicapped Badass: Like Jack, she loses an arm to the ring's prototyping.
  • Implacable Man: She chased Jack through the Furthest Ring for the three years. When the universe itself shatters around them, she glances at it for a few seconds and then goes right back to pursuing him. Jack, who hadn't been the least bit threatened since his final prototyping, eventually starts to get freaked out by her determination.
  • Informed Attractiveness: Like with WV, it's bit hard for us to tell, but both WV and AR say how cute she is.
  • The Juggernaut: Nothing will stop her from delivering the mail. Or her revenge on Jack.
  • Mama Bear: Having gained Bec's loyalty, she seems to have become this toward Jade. Granted, unlike Jack, she'd probably act like this anyway, seeing that she was friends with Dream Jade.
  • Maybe Ever After: With WV in Act 7.
  • Meaningful Name: PM = Private Message or Postman.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: MAIL!
  • Nice Hat: The Postman's Cap. And the mailbox crown, although she doesn't especially like it.
  • Physical God: Now she's inherited the White Queen's ring.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Put on the WQ's ring and followed Jack into the troll's session to enact one. He looked positively terrified about it, but it turns out that he was actually lovestruck instead. She, on the other hand, has fallen into kismesissitude for him.
  • Samus Is a Girl: Her gender is unspecified for quite a while and long after her combat skills are established.
  • Shout-Out: The Postman, a movie about someone clinging to the symbolism of mail delivery as a bastion of civilization in a post-apocalyptic setting.
  • Spanner in the Works: Towards Jack Noir; she's the one thing that ever threatens to stop him after his Ascension.
  • Stealth Pun: The Roaring Rampage of Revenge mentioned above. She went postal.
  • Trauma Conga Line: Prospit's destruction, the deaths of the Exiles, everything really.
  • Undying Loyalty: She inherited this from Bec via prototyping as the instant she and Jack see that Jade is dead they stop fighting and abscond with her body. When Dave confronts them, they both immediately kill him, thinking he's a threat to Jade.
    • This extends to the fight in [S] Collide, where she can't kill Jade when she blocks both her and Bec Noir in their fight, though her resolve to get revenge allows her to knock her out of the way nonlethally by punching her in the face.
  • Unstoppable Mailman: The mail is life. The mail is the very fabric of civilization.

Aimless Renegade/Authority Regulator/Armaments Regent

Years in the future, which is to say, THE PRESENT MOMENT PRECISELY, an AIMLESS RENEGADE prepares for company.

The third future wanderer, who is investigating the Frog Temple and is covered in yellow police tape. Prior to his exile, he was an AUTHORITY REGULATOR tasked with the enforcement of the law in the kingdom of Derse. The eighth playable character.

  • Ambidextrous Sprite: The scope mount goes on the left side of the weapon, not the right. The bolt handle is also absent from its normal position.
  • Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: Backfires on AR; he hesitates destroying the final terminal because WV is still inside it, and Jack decapitates him.
  • BFG: He's got what looks like an AK-47 with a scope and tactical polymer furniture attached for Rule of Cool.
  • Captain Ersatz: Appearance aside, his personality and actions are very similar to Judge Dredd.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: Despite being a Dersite (and obsessed with law and order) he also seems to be a good guy, especially when he saves John's life. "Another public servant makes a sacrifice. A citizen's safety, secured."
  • The Ditz: Even before being Exiled, AR is still ditzy enough to abandon his job to do some sweet tricks on a rocket skateboard.
  • Hanging Judge: So far he seems to be played up as this, fashioning a courtroom and judge outfit from weapon parts and punishing misdemeanors with judicious use of heavy artillery. At any rate, he seems as obsessed with the law as WV and PM are with mayorhood and mail.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: He saves John by strapping him to a rocket board, which is, seemingly, the only means of escaping from an Earth-bound meteor. But he obviously survives, as we had already seen his future self.
    • He pulls this again in the End of Act 5, where he refuses to kill WV despite the threat of Jack Noir.
  • I Am the Trope: Be the law.
  • Impossibly Cool Clothes: The other "desert" characters (WV and PM) are dressed in grey or beige-colored robes. AR wears yellow caution tape fashioned into wrappings. He also has a judge's wig made out of bullets. Complete with a gavel made out of a grenade and a bayonet.
  • Judge, Jury, and Executioner: With Derse gone, the Renegade takes justice and Derse's laws into his own hands.
  • Juggling Loaded Guns: He uses an impaled grenade as a gavel at one point. Given, its shape implies it's not an explosive grenade, but it's still dangerous.
  • The Lancer: AR acts as this to WV's Hero.
  • Large Ham: He's very dramatic and does his whole justice spiel in all caps.
  • Meaningful Name: AR = Assault Rifle
  • More Dakka: He's lugged a full-size arsenal up to that temple.
  • Name's the Same: His initials, AR, are the same as Dirk's Auto Responder in Act 6.
  • Not So Above It All: "You fail to resist the urge to ride Bro's rocket board. Shit this flagrant should be illegal."
  • Off with His Head!: His final fate as delivered by Jack Noir.
  • Passing the Torch: Played for Laughs. Soon after Dave finds Bro dead, AR attempts to do this with Dave. He encourages Dave to enact justice and be rid of Jack and his crew, but due to the command console and Dave's grief making him susceptible to suggestion, he just ends up repeating what's being said without any clue as to what was going on and ultimately ignores it.
  • Punny Name: See Small Name, Big Ego. He's the Aimless Renegade.
  • Satellite Character: Doesn't really do a whole bunch aside from shout at people about the law.
  • Stealth Pun: He doesn't get his name from lack of purpose alone.
  • Small Name, Big Ego: He believes his aim is impeccable. From what we've seen, Stormtroopers would find his marksmanship lacking.

Windswept Questant/White Queen

A WINDSWEPT QUESTANT suddenly appears.

The fourth exile, who suddenly appeared out of an egg-shaped Sburbcraft. Communicated with Rose through her Sburb device. Prior to her exile, she was the WHITE QUEEN, adored sovereign of Prospit, who abdicated her throne in order to help PM on her quest. After PM becomes the Prospitian Monarch, she is appointed as her royal adviser.

  • The Chessmaster: One of the few people who seems to actually understand everything that's going on aside from being unaware of the Trolls.
  • Flat Character: She does little other than advance the plot, and her character beyond that is virtually unknown.
  • Gambit Roulette: Her abdication.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Just after the death of her husband.
  • Meaningful Name: A "Questant" is one who undertakes a quest.
  • Noble Fugitive: WQ is the most composed Exile even after renouncing her monarchy.
  • Official Couple: With the Writ Keeper of course.
  • Oh, Crap!: Her reaction on seeing Jack.
  • Out-Gambitted: WQ's plan fell apart at the last second.
  • Shoot the Shaggy Dog: Thanks to Jack, everything she did and sacrificed was literally All for Nothing.
  • The Smart Guy: WQ makes a plan to help the Exiles escape the dying universe and restart civilization elsewhere.
  • The Stoic: She's proven to be completely unflappable even during the destruction of Prospit.
    • She's justifiably terrified when Jack shows up and murders her husband. And even then her expression doesn't really change; the only way you can tell she's terrified is through her body posture.
  • Team Mom: She advises the other Exiles and comforts PM regarding her responsibilities as the new Queen.

White King/Writ Keeper

Soon the WRIT KEEPER will awaken and serve his new queen. It is then that her work may begin.

The former King of Prospit, who hid inside the time capsule in the Frog Temple to survive and become the Writ Keeper on the future Earth.

  • Badass Bookworm: He's been shown to be completely engrossed in Rose's novel and on Skaia he led armies.
  • Chekhov's Gun: When he appears as the Writ Keeper, he is seen reading Complacency of the Learned, a story written by Rose. The story is nominally about wizards, but Word of God has said that it represents Rose's subconscious mind about the creation of the universe—specifically the Troll's game of Sgrub.
    • Unfortunately, we never know what he learns because he's immediately killed.
  • Flat Character: Has appeared very few times, so his personality as of yet is still more or less an unknown.
  • Official Couple: With WQ
  • Off with His Head!: Only ten seconds after he arrived on Earth!
  • Red Herring: As the Writ Keeper, he seemed to be built up as having an important role in the lives of the exiles... and then Jack kills him within 20 seconds of his appearance on Earth.
  • Sixth Ranger: Technically an Exile, but he never meets the others before Jack kills him and WQ.
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: Almost immediately after emerging from the seed, Jack kills him before he can do anything at all.

    Post-Scratch Exiles 


Sure are a lot of them today. They must be getting more desperate.

A bunch of "Exiles" taken from the Post-Scratch Session by the Condesce, to form the backbone of her new empire. They mostly live on floating cities that resemble chessboards, and according to Dirk they're essentially slums. Roxy lives in one of these cities, and was raised by them. On occasion some of the Carapacians sneak into her lab to hunt her cats. None of them have names or distinct appearances, with exception to one who led a hunting party into Roxy's lab, who is still nameless.

  • Artifact Title: Calling them Exiles is a little inaccurate, as they still live under the Black Queen and don't instruct Sburb players like the other Exiles
  • Call-Back: A lot of them almost look like known exiles like the Midnight Crew, but none of them are exactly identical to them. Most notably, the apparent leader of the hunting party looks sort of like a cross between Jack Noir and WV, and uses a crowbar.
    • The ones that most closely resemble PM have one of their eyes covered by their robes. Their apparent leader does as well.
  • Faceless Masses: Mostly.
  • Reduced to Ratburgers: Roxy tries to avoid thinking about how they're probably breaking into her lab to eat her mutant cats.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Their apparent leader has a unique design and a noticeable crowbar. None of the original crowd has appeared since their debut and shortly afterwards.
  • You All Look Familiar: Aside from their apparent leader, all of them share their appearance with another exile in their group, including robes, though this might be Andrew simply copying sprites, as it didn't seem to be the case with their drawn crowd shot.
    • Of course, there's only so many ways to draw random, nameless Dersites without them looking somewhat like a named character, especially since the Dersites are all canonically clones.

    The Midnight Crew/Troll Exiles 

The Midnight Crew were originally non-canonical characters from Problem Sleuth, wherein they were Team Sleuth's Psycho Ranger counterparts, waging grand warfare against the protagonists through donation-funded commands. In the Homestuck universe, they were apparently so popular that the MS Paint Adventures site that the characters visit features a Midnight Crew adventure as the followup to Problem Sleuth, something which Andrew Hussie apparently considered in real life after abandoning the all-Flash version of Homestuck.

The Midnight Crew featured in an intermission between Acts 3 and 4 of Homestuck, wherein they invaded the mansion home of their rival gang The Felt with the aim of ending their gang war once and for all. They later out to be part of the Homestuck canon after all, existing in the distant post-apocalyptic future of Alternia (612 Alternian years in the future, to be exact) in much the same capacity as Earth's exiles, taking Mutually Fictional to Up to Eleven levels.

All Midnight Crew members provide examples of:

  • Adaptation Species Change: In Problem Sleuth, there was no reason to believe they weren't just stylized humans like most of the cast. Here, they're part of the humanoid Carapacian race.
  • A Lighter Shade of Black: See below.
  • Anti-Hero: Type V. They're only considered heroes during "Operation Regisurp" in the Troll's Session, due to their alliance with the protagonists. In the kid's session, they are definitely evil, and their leader is the primary antagonist.
  • Canon Immigrant: The Midnight Crew was originally a four-man Psycho Rangers group created for a donation request during Problem Sleuth that spent most of their time having non-canonical skirmishes with the main characters. However, in Homestuck they actually play a more relevant role in the plot.
  • Death Dealer: An odd case, since all of them store their weapons in the form of cards. Throw a card at somebody, and it will turn back into a bomb/axe/knife/etc before it hits them.
  • Evil Counterpart\Psycho Rangers: of the characters of Problem Sleuth.
    • Spades Slick: Problem Sleuth
    • Clubs Deuce: Ace Dick
    • Diamond Droog: Pickle Inspector
    • Hearts Boxcars: Fiesta Ace Dick (or maybe Hired Muscle?)
    • Additionally, they contrast the civic-minded Wanderers with their roles as violent criminals.
  • Face Framed in Shadow: Justified as they're former citizens-slash-Agents of Derse, and therefore have shiny black carapaces.
  • Film Noir: The Midnight Crew is a parody of this genre, with their internal narration and faces framed in shadow.
  • Killed Off for Real: The Intermission ends with only Spades Slick alive, after traveling to a timeline where the other three are dead. Later on, he attacks his alternate self and is decapitated by Dave.
  • Leitmotif: The Midnight Crew does not have identifiable themes, though they are all associated with dark jazz. They do however have instruments, seen rather than heard.
    • Spades Slick is associated with pianos.
    • Diamonds Droog is associated with saxophones.
    • Clubs Deuce is associated with oboes.
    • Hearts Boxcars is associated with cellos.
  • Meaningful Rename: Like other Prospitians and Dersites.
  • Nice Hat: And it's very Serious Business when Itchy starts switching them around.
  • Perpetual Frowner: All except Clubs Deuce, who has no mouth.
  • Playing Card Motifs: All of theme are themed after a suit.
  • Porn Stash: Each of them has a their own unique stash.
  • Quirky Miniboss Squad: They served this role in the Troll session before Vriska exiled them.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Each one has a favorite candy, keeping a couple pieces in his hat.

♠ Spades Slick ♠ / Scurrilous Straggler

Your name is SPADES SLICK. You are the leader of a notoriously vicious gang of mobsters called the MIDNIGHT CREW. A rival gang known as THE FELT recently knocked over one of your favorite casinos. Your long quest of revenge has finally taken you through the front door of the mansion belonging to their loathsome boss, LORD ENGLISH.

The leader of the Midnight Crew. Armed, dangerous, and extremely violent. He and Diamonds Droog are probably the smartest members of the crew. Notably, Spades "made this town what it is." "Wasn't nothing but a bunch of dust and rocks before [he] got here." Long before the Midnight Crew, he was the Jack Noir present in the trolls' session, who allied with the trolls to overthrow and exile the Black Queen but was exiled himself in revenge. He wandered the post-apocalyptic Alternian desert for years as the Scurrilous Straggler before founding the Midnight Crew and returning civilization to the planet.

Though it seemed he died in the destruction of the Troll Universe, Andrew Hussie (in comic that is) swooped in and saved him. He was badly hurt and had to be turned into a cyborg

  • Ambidextrous Sprite: Exploited when he needs to use the barcode tattoo on his arm after it got cut off. To get around this he flips his own sprite so that the tattoo appears on his other arm.
  • Antihero: Sburb gave him an ambitious, ruthless personality so that he'd help the players take out his boss, the Black Queen, before the Reckoning. In the Trolls' session he performs his task as he's meant to and assists them in banishing the Queen. In the kids' session, this backfires spectacularly.
  • Artificial Limbs: By the time we get back to him at Doc Scratch's apartment, he has picked up a robo-arm to replace the one Snowman took off.
  • Awesome Mc Coolname: Part of the reason Andrew Hussie gave Spades his name was simply because it sounded cool.
    • When it's put to the deeply misanthropic Jack Noir, his first thought is to admit that it's "got a nice ring to it".
  • Badass Normal: He fights the Felt and does pretty well. Though, to be fair, some of their 'powers' are straight-up disadvantages.
  • Blood Brothers: With Karkat, back when he was Jack Noir.
  • Bond One-Liner: "Time travel sure can be a... DOUBLE EDGED SWORD."
  • Carry a Big Stick: Welcomed into a home, Slick wields a Simple Staff while attacking Doc Scratch, Dragon to Lord English of the Felt, the Midnight Crew's Arch-Enemy. Later begins to carry Lord English's Golden Cuestaff after he leaves it behind.
  • Complexity Addiction: His heists seem more convoluted than they really have to be.
  • Cyborg: As of Act 6 Intermission 2 he's starting to resemble the Bunny: he's got one Electronic Eye and an Eyepatch of Power, both arms are robotic, and metal plates cover the top of his face.
  • Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: Did You Just Beat Cthulhu Over The Head With A Club? Yes, yes you did. For several minutes, in fact.
  • Disney Death: A page showing all the dead characters has a question mark next to him, making his fate ambiguous. Hussie's tumblr also stated that he's taking care of Slick. This seemed like a case of Trolling Creator, until it was remarkably confirmed at the beginning of Act 6 Intermission 2.
  • Driven to Suicide: Word of God is that Slick was trying to do this by killing Snowman. It failed.
  • Dropped a Bridge on Him: Slick is ultimately killed with little fanfare. He's decapitated alongside his Jack English incarnation who was nothing more than a snarling monster to be slain.
  • Evil Counterpart: Word of God says he is one to Problem Sleuth.
  • Eyepatch of Power: After his other eye is injured. He keeps even after the robotics because he thought it looked cool.
  • Eye Scream: When Snowman stabs him in the eye with her cigarette holder.
  • Exact Words: He's fond of saying that he "made this town"; when Dies uses his Juju doll to shift to a world where Slick was dead all along, he discovers that this is literally true, ending up in a barren, boring, empty wasteland.
  • Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!: When Karkat doesn't calm down after Sollux dies, Jack eventually starts slapping him.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: Gets one across his eye after his encounter with Snowman.
  • Hero Killer: He manages to be the cause of Dirk's death twice. It's only due to Dave, Terezi and Jane that neither death sticks.
  • Hidden Depths: His interactions with Ms. Paint imply that he can be rather gentlemanly when he wants to be.
  • Knife Nut:
    GC: K4RK4T, H3S 4 J3RK!
  • More Dakka: Averted, we have never seen and probably will never see what Spade Slick's gun is, if he even has one.
  • Named Weapons: He's got OCCAM'S RAZOR, a DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD, a BUTTERFLY EFFECT KNIFE, BAIT AND SWITCHBLADE, and his very own RAPIER WIT. There's something of a theme to these names...
  • Never Found the Body: Although he's caught in an exploding universe in Cascade, we never see him die. Eventually we find that Hussie saved him somehow.
  • New Powers as the Plot Demands: Played for Laughs; at the end of Act 6, Spades Slick suddenly has a rocket ass and an actual, functioning cybernetic eye. The narration is pretty incredulous to these sudden developments, and notes how they actually spit in the face of Homestuck canon.
  • Not in This for Your Revolution: He's firmly against Lord English for his own personal reasons; he's only there to fight Jack English in Collide for revenge, not for the kids' greater plans, and has no qualms hitting Dirk, Dave, or Terezi out of the way during the fight.
  • Not So Above It All: Here and here, as a Mythology Gag. Characters in Problem Sleuth did stuff like this all the time.
  • Official Couple: With Ms. Paint, after Andrew declared their ship canon in-universe.
  • Off with His Head!: In [S] Collide, Dave slices off his head along with those of Dirk (who gets better thanks to Jane) and Jack English. Seeing as Hussie was busy fighting Vriska in a Dreambubble and Jack English's own head explodes and vaporizes about 90% of the planet they're on, it seems unlikely that Slick's coming back this time.
  • Only the Author Can Save Them Now: In-Universe. The author himself personally rescues him from the destruction of his universe.
  • Percussive Therapy: Nothing rankles him like Lord English's "stupid" obsession with clocks. Spades will smash any clock—even a laptop readout.
  • Perpetual Frowner: Frowns by default and only smiles upon coming closer to killing Lord English.
  • Pet the Dog: Showing Karkat his blood is "candy-red" too during the Hivebent intermission to calm him down.
    • And again, he tries to console Karkat after Sollux died.
      There, there, you blubbering goddamn pansy.
    • And all of his interactions with Ms. Paint. For example, his reaction when he finds out that Lord English hit her:
    You say he did WHAT, why I oughta!
  • Porn Stash: All the Midnight Crew members carry one. Spades's is Terrier Fancy.
    • Which becomes pretty funny once you consider his counterpart's final prototyping..
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to both Snowman and Droog's blue—with Snowman, it's even color-correct (by blood color, that is).
  • Revenge Before Reason: For destroying one casino, Spades goes on a revenge quest against Lord English which involves losing an eye, an arm, three friends, his whole universe, half of his organic body, and his head. Its quite apparent Spades's had a whole city of his own besides the Casino and it helps that he never even meets Lord English in his whole life.
  • Rule of Cool: Spades Slick doesn't let Andrew repair his other eye because the eyepatch looks cooler.
  • The Starscream: to the Black Queen's Megatron. She gets him back, though.
  • Suicide by Cop: In an incredibly roundabout way. However, he still survives.
  • Surrounded by Idiots:
    • During the troll arc. Although it was Spades Slick from the intermission that remarked on this, as he was communicating from the future.
    • Again later during the Act 6 Intermission 5, when he takes over the Felt after Lord English kills Hussie.
  • Sweet Tooth: When offered sweets from a candy bowl, pockets a few handfuls, then dumps the whole bowl into his hat.
  • Tempting Fate: "She'll have to pry this thing from your rigid severed arm if she wants it back."
  • This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: COUNT SOME SHEEP BITCH
  • Took a Level in Badass: Is now a super strong, super fast cyborg, owns Lord English's Golden Cuestaff, and has taken command of The Felt (sans Snowman, since shifting to a world where she never died would presumably result in massively-confusing Weird Time Shit).
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Licorice Scottie Dogs.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: After getting fixed up by Andrew, he starts stabbing him. Might be more attributed to the Ax-Crazy Knife Nut mentality of the Jack Noirs.
  • Villain Protagonist: During the Intermission.
  • Wild Card: Slick had been working his own agenda ever since the Intermission ended, generally doing whatever he pleased. The only reason he gets involved in the final fight is because he wants to get revenge on Lord English, and Lord Jack is the closest thing to him getting that revenge. As such, despite both him, the Striders and Terezi all wanting to defeat LJ, he instead attacks both sides so that he may take care of the alternate, not caring if he has to kill the third group in the fight to do so.

♣ Clubs Deuce ♣

Everybody out of the god damn way. You got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty.

♦ Diamonds Droog ♦

You suddenly remember you are Diamonds Droog. Whoever took your hat is about to discover he's the unluckiest man on earth. He better hope you find him dead. What you're gonna do to him will be much less painful that way.

  • Awesomeness by Analysis: He's able to observe his surroundings in order to use the Felt's own time powers against them.
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Although all the members of the Midnight Crew are well-dressed, Droog takes particular pride in his classy outfit.
  • The Chessmaster: He was able to, using the forensics evidence of some destroyed clocks and a single lost tooth, figure out exactly when Fin was going to try and bite him from the past, and fill him full of lead instead. Meanwhile, he used knowledge of The Felt's temporal abilities, Clubs Deuce, and a time bomb to redirect Trace, who was attacking from the future, and kill off both him and Doze at the same time. Pretty safe to say that Droog is the smartest and the best planner.
  • Crazy-Prepared: His BRAWLSOLEUM has multiple BACKUP HATS, several tasteful suits, and a shitload of guns and cards. He eventually subdued and captured Stitch as well, just in case.
  • The Evil Genius: Downplayed; Droogs isn't Einstein by any means, but he is the most reserved and sensible member of the Crew by far.
  • Guns Akimbo: His weapons of choice are an AK-47 and a second assault rifle of a different type. Note that instead of two SMGs or pistols he's wielding full sized assault rifles.
  • The Lancer: To Spades Slick.
  • More Dakka: The inevitable result of Dual Wielding assault rifles.
  • Not So Stoic: He flails around with his Ultraviolence Cuestick when Trace punches his past trail and he also had to resist the urge to scream "Oh yeah" when Cans crashes in through the wall.
  • Only Sane Man: He seems to be this, compared to Slick and Boxcar's hot tempers and Deuce...being Deuce.
  • Porn Stash: Grey Ladies, which he keeps inside a newspaper.
  • Shout-Out: His name refers to the Nadsat word for "bro" from A Clockwork Orange, and his theme is called Carbon Nadsat.
  • So Proud of You: His treatment of Aradia, to whom he is an exile guide, is peppered with this. In his one shown conversation he used phrases like "Atta girl" and "That's what I like to hear". Aradia however seems to resent it.
    • Though it's implied that is not all there is to it, considering Droog has a fetish for grey women, and Trolls and Aradia specifically are grey. His Porn Stash was in his hands at the same time as his comments above. Plus, even if he is genuinely praising Aradia, he usually says the above sentences after she's killed someone.
  • The Starscream: In the above mentioned video, Clubs Deuce comments that he thinks Droog "wants to be the leader". It's never been stated if he's really planning Slick's downfall or not, though.
  • The Stoic: Even when he's angry, he doesn't show it. He also smiles a grand total of once, praising Aradia for utterly demolishing Vriska.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Swedish Fish.

♥ Hearts Boxcars ♥

You stop not being Hearts Boxcars. You have made your way to the Felt's SECRET VAULT. It's bigger than you were expecting. You doubt you will be able to rely on your usual safe-cracking method, which is prying it from the wall with your bare hands. You'll have to think of something else.

  • An Axe to Grind: Boxcars has quite the impressive collection of battle-axes (along with a mace or two).
  • Big Eater: Literally.
  • Brick Joke: At one point in the first intermission, he is "clocked" into a Horse Calendar by Cans. Come Act 6 Intermission 3, Meenah finds a horse calender that Hearts Boxcars is "still farming."
  • The Brute: He has his strength, and not much else.
  • Butt-Monkey: His encounters with Eggs, Biscuits and Cans make him this.
  • Evil Counterpart: Hearts Boxcars is pretty similar to the Hired Muscle that was paid to work with Team Sleuth until his eventual death.
  • Gatling Good: His gun of choice is a minigun. It's probably the weapon counterpart of the wax lips.
  • I'm a Humanitarian: Defeats Eggs by biting off his head.
  • The Matchmaker: Quite possibly among the most inept matchmakers in the history of fiction, but a spirited attempt none the less.
  • Meaningful Name: The thing about Hearts Boxcars is HE ALWAYS ROLLS BOXCARS (double sixes on dice).
  • More Dakka: He has a damned minigun; that's an awful lot of lead for a gangster.
  • Perpetual Frowner: His default emotion seems to be anger.


Although not a member of the Midnight Crew, she is the fifth Exile of the Troll Session. See her own section for more details.

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Alternative Title(s): Homestuck The Midnight Crew


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