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Characters / Homestuck Agents And Monarchs

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The agents of Derse and Prospit and the royalty of those planets.

For the troll universe's version of Jack Noir, Draconian Dignitary, Courtyard Droll, Hegemonic Brute, see the Midnight Crew section in the Exiles pages. For their version of the Black Queen, see Snowman of the Felt.

For other notable Prospitan and Dersite characters, including post-Exile versions of the White Queen and White King, see the Exiles.


Tropes common to all Prospitians and Dersites

  • The Ageless: They have only been shown to die from external causes, and seemingly cannot die of old age. They're even fairly tolerant of injuries, starvation, and dehydration. In fact, there's no indication that the exiled carapaces even ate or drank anything for several hundred years.
  • Anthropomorphic Personification: Of chess pieces. Averted with some other pieces, like rooks and bishops, which exclusively appear on the Battlefield and seem much more monstrous than other carapaces.
  • Ascended Extra: Both as a whole, they've become very popular, and In-Universe, where a few carapaces will be exiled and advise players from their former homeworld, and then rebuild civilization with other, unseen, exiles.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: The royals on both sides are entitled to enchanted regalia which grant them powers from the players' prototypings. Then Jack Noir gets a promotion, breaking up the regular order of the SBURB session.
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  • Bishōnen Line: Odd usage related to hands. High ranking agents like Jack Noir and the Royalty of each planet have clearly distinct fingers while pawns like WV have more claw like hands. Inverted with their teeth though; high ranks have sharp teeth but low ranks have pretty much human teeth.
  • Bizarre Alien Biology: Averted, though their skin are semi-segmented hard carapaces, with edges and complex joints, this does nothing to their durability, as they suffer from wounds in a nigh-identical manner to humans and trolls. They do have internal genitals and Non-Mammalian Mammaries, but they have skeletons too, and organs seemingly all in the normal places, meaning overall they're pretty human.
  • Fantastic Caste System: Follows basically from chess rules. There is only one pair of royalty per planet, a small number of archagents, and a massive number of pawns below them.
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  • Funny Animal Anatomy: Follow in Hussie's words "cartoon logic" in that guys don't have to wear clothes, but girls do. Word of God is that they have internal genitals.
  • Manchild: The higher you go up the castes, the more mature they seem. Jack Noir acts like a teenager, the Courtyard Droll and Wayward Vagabond act like young children, and the Royalty of each planet act more or less like adults.
    • Women Are Wiser: With exception to some of the pawns in WV's army, all female Carapacians are shown to be more intelligent and less prone to random bouts of silliness. That's not to say they're necessarily kinder however; the Black Queen in normal sessions is quite The Chessmaster, and is arguably more of the Big Bad than the Black King. DD seems to be the exception to this, being male and quite possibly the most sane and grounded Carapacian we meet.
  • Monochromatic Eyes: Black for Prospitians, White for Dersites, neither having pupils.
  • Non-Mammalian Mammaries: Unlike the trolls, it happened because fan speculation pegged PM as female, and Hussie said "Why not," and it spiraled from there. Originally, they were intended to be all male, save the Queen. Not true for all women though, as there have been several shown and identified female pawns that are completely flat.
  • Ring of Power: The two Queen's Rings and the two King's Staves can prototype any carapace, giving them strong reality warping abilities, as well as conferring on them the features of the things that were prototyped, ie, jesters, cats, various animals, impaled crows, First Guardians...
    • MacGuffin: In addition, the White Staff can be used to start the Reckoning, and is used to do that by the forces of Derse in an ordinary session. The players then have 24 hours to defeat the Black King and capture the Black Staff, which wins the game. The Queen's Rings are also important because they're needed to light The Forge and release the Genesis Frog into Skaia.
  • Sidequest Sidestory: Most Carapaces are irrelevant to the game, but nonetheless are sentient and can interact with the players, and have their own stories going on. However, two Dersites in particular are ways to eliminate the final bosses, avoiding direct combat. These sidequests are only triggered under unknown circumstances, apparently when the resentment of the Royalty by the two becomes unbearable, and may not occur in a session.
    • Jack Noir (and to a lesser extent the Archagents under him) functions as backdoor means to eliminate the Black Queen due to his ambitions. In both the Pre-Scratch Human session and the Post-Scratch Troll's session, he eliminated the Black Queen through direct power grab and a coup d'etat, respectively.
    • WV also serves as a backdoor means of eliminating the Black King. According to Word of God, there is always a rebellious soldier in every session. Seems to also be That One Sidequest in that it's far more difficult to interact with him on Skaia, while Jack Noir actively seeks out players. At any rate, he hasn't pulled it off in either session shown so far.
  • The Voiceless: Odd usage. Carapaces clearly can speak and have done so in commands, narration, and game sequences, but nonetheless they never speak in chat logs. The Mayor is noted to never speak, but is able to convey meaning. It is unknown if he is mute, or if it was a joke based on the previous.
  • You ALL Look Familiar: Generic pawns look completely identical. Non-combat pawns vary more in their appearance. Justified as they are produced by cloning facilities in the Veil.

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    Jack Noir 

Jack Noir
The three forms of Jack Noir note 
The Archagent of the Dark Kingdom of Derse, he watches events from his CUBICLE OF VIGILANCE. Within the game, he functions as a non-standard way to get rid of the Black Queen, and should players collaborate with him, they can avoid a tough fight at the end of the game, though they should also be cautious that he doesn't turn on them.

The trolls' iteration went on to become Spades Slick, leader of the Midnight Crew, after helping the Prospitian trolls exile the Black Queen. The post-scratch iteration also has his own subsection below.

The pre-scratch version was humiliated by the Black Queen by a succession of increasingly humiliating dress code changes. It didn't end well for her. Or for anyone else, for that matter.

All Iterations of Jack Noir

  • Always Chaotic Evil: Jack loves to murder people. He cares very little even for his comrades, and even his idea of consoling someone is kind of paltry at best.
  • Ax-Crazy: Although it's not always obvious at the beginning of a session, when he still has the Black Queen above him keeping it in check, he always descends into this if he has the opportunity.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: He hates his job and has near-uncontrollable violent impulses, but he's genuinely some kind of bureaucratic savant. DD can't remotely keep up when he's filling in for him.
  • Evil Counterpart: The Midnight Crew was always one for Team Sleuth in the bonus material, with Spades Slick being the obvious counterpart to Problem Sleuth. Taken a step further here, with the fourth prototyping essentially the Evil Counterpart to Sepulchritude.
  • Foe Romance Subtext: invokedHis relationship with the Black Queen is a dead ringer for kismesisitude.
  • Hero Killer: Whether it be through Queen's ring, Lil Cal's soul, or sheer bloodlust, all iterations of Jack Noir have killed major characters.
    • His total body count, roughly in order: the Black Queen, the Black King, WV's united Prospitian/Dersite army, most of the population of Prospit, Jade's dream self, Bro, numerous salamanders, John, an alternate Dave, Dad, Mom, John again, Rose, Dave, the Courtyard Droll, the White King, the White Queen, AR, mortally wounding WV, the entire army of Aradiabots, all the trolls' dreamselves save Vriska, all the inhabitants of the trolls' Prospit and Derse, all the inhabitants of the trolls' Lands, every single instance of Earth's entire universe, Jane's dreamself, two Prospitian guards, Calliope, Roxy, most of Post-Scratch Prospit, Jane, Jake, pre-retcon Dave, whatever was left of Prospit's population, and Dirk Strider. This isn't even including Spades Slick's kill count!
  • Knife Nut: "Here, stick this in your pipe and bleed to death slowly."
  • Leitmotif: Not the Ballad of Jack Noir, but rather Liquid Negrocity/Black.
  • Meaningful Name: Jack is the rank below Queen and King in a deck of cards. Noir means "Black" in French, thus Jack Noir being "Blackjack," and in the Midnight Crew's fake band there are songs titled "The Ballad of Jack Noir" and "Blue Noir," which could be a reference to Jack's name. Especially since Spades Slick was once a Jack Noir. Not this Jack Noir, but a different one. Interestingly, "Jack" is also an alternative diminuitive form of "John", providing an interesting contrast to the kid who is also named John.
  • No Fourth Wall: Literally, his CUBICLE OF VIGILANCE is missing its fourth wall on both sides of the Scratch. It was later used by Andrew to provide a recap.
  • Odd Name Out: Unlike the other Agents, he doesn't keep his initials when his name changes. Also, he is the only one with a name and not a title. It is possible that he had an "SS" title in addition to his name, but he doesn't.
  • Stealth Expert: He's infiltrated Prospit in multiple iterations, despite being a famous political figure of the opposing kingdom.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Licorice Scottie Dogs. Both the Troll & post-scratch versions of Noir have been seen hording them, though it never came into the story for the main pre-scratch version.
  • Villain Protagonist: Clearly allied with Derse, but nevertheless becomes the seventh playable character (and the fifth to be named by the player). Happens again come Jack's Jailbreak adventure.
    • Done deliberately. Even Spades Slick in the Intermission was part of it.
      Andrew Hussie: We learned a lot about his character, even though it wasn't even technically the same character, and never suspected we were getting a primer on the key villain who would rise to power. This was the plan.

Pre-Scratch Jack Noir/Sovereign Slayer/Bec Noir/The Cancer

  • Achilles' Heel: Besides the omnipotence, which definitely sucks for everyone, the Bec prototyping did actually grant Jack something that can only be beneficial to the protagonists; he possesses a fierce subconscious loyalty to Jade and is completely unable to bring himself to harm her. Also he has this weird obsession with dog treats.
    • This eventually came back to haunt him - Jade and Dave fought him together and Dave outright abuses this weakness by shielding himself with Jade. So Jack is pretty much in a battle he can only escape from.
    • After that, he was stuck following Jade around like a lost puppy and obeying her commands because of his loyalty.
    • After that, while he was able to engineer a way to kill her, his loyalty made her carry her dying body to her Quest Bed, allowing her to survive and ascend to God Tier.
  • A God Am I: The narration heavily implies that he regards himself as a god after being prototyped with Becquerel.
  • Alas, Poor Villain: He doesn't die, but it's hard not to feel sorry for him when PM chops off his arm and prepares to finish him off, especially with how genuinely terrified he looks over it.
  • Allergic to Love: Both versions of Jack have shown disgust and hatred towards red romance, so it's not all that surprising that when he falls for an angry PM, his first reaction is to run.
  • And Then What?: Faces this dilemma after being prototyped with Bec. Killing and destruction are the only ways he knows to pass the time, but he has to be careful so that he doesn't accidentally destroy everything with his omnipotence, because then there will be nothing left for him to destroy. However just as he's run out of things to blow up, PM shows up and Jack falls in love with her.
  • Anthropomorphic Personification: His insatiable lust for destruction exists because he's the embodiment of the cancer in the kids' universe.
  • Appeal to Force: The Black Queen is able to humiliate Jack only so long as she can overpower him; once he pulls out The Bunny, he overpowers and kills his queen without a second thought before stealing her Prototyping ring, leading to Screw the Rules, I Have Supernatural Powers!.
  • Bad Job, Worse Uniform: He hates the outfits the Black Queen forces him to wear.
  • Berserk Button: After the fourth prototyping, harming Jade eventually develops into this.
    • According to Word of God, it was specifically the clown costumes that finally pushed Jack over the edge. That's how Gamzee made the cancer "terminal" by causing John's fear of harlequins and Jack's humiliation.
  • Bestiality Is Depraved: Both Spades Slick and B2 Jack Noir have "Terrier Fancy" as their Porn Stash, which puts a whole different spin on the main B1 Noir's instant attraction to PM.
  • Big Bad: Of Acts 1-5 since he handily usurps the role of antagonist from the Black Queen and King in the Kids' session. He has Dad Egbert kidnapped, causes the Reckoning instead of the Black King, and goes on a rampage in Acts 4 and 5.
  • Bishōnen Line: He looked positively monstrous between John's One-Armed Harlequin prototyping, Dave's Seppucrow, and Rose's Eldritch Cat Princess etching their features onto him. After Bec is prototyped and Jade enters the medium, he loses the tentacles and cat features, and what was left of the harlequin outfit and becomes overall sleeker and meaner.
    • However, when you see him up close in detail in [S] Cascade, he is one ugly, scary dog. So, averted.
  • Brought Down to Normal: As of [S] Collide, PM has finally defeated him by slicing off the arm that wears the ring and rendering him back to his old self, to which she knocks him out.
  • The Caligula: He already had the personality, then he got hold of the Black Queen's Ring and became the Sovereign Slayer. After being prototyped with Bec, he becomes even more unstable, and also has dog-like thoughts from time to time. And once he enters the troll's session, he doesn't hold anything back, destroying the troll's lands and then their Prospit and Derse while brutally murdering any dreamself who happens to be awake at the moment, as Tavros, Karkat, Feferi, and Nepeta find out the hard way.
  • Character Check: His excessive prototyping and desire for trophies leads to him looking extremely ridiculous; upon realizing this, he remembers his hatred for stupid outfits and sheds all his accessories.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Shades of this are creeping into his personality as of the fourth prototyping. Suffice it to say that the combination of limitless power and canine urges isn't doing much for his mental stability.
  • Contrived Coincidence: Jack has a knack for arriving at exactly the wrong time. Justified though, because of Timey-Wimey Ball.
  • Cool Shades: After the fourth prototyping, he steals Bro's as a trophy. Later on, he realizes taking clothing from dead enemies is stupid and takes them off.
  • Combat Pragmatist: When he wants to be. Faced with an epic duel between him, Rose, and John, he... uses his teleportation power to warp behind John and stab him the back, killing him instantly. Likewise, rather than fight Vriska immediately, he first follows her trail back to finish off the other trolls, since they're an easier target and still pose a threat.
  • Create Your Own Villain: Many times, with PM, Aradia, and all of the kids. It's fair to say that everyone who isn't directly killed by Jack becomes much more powerful because of his actions, and even some of the ones that he does kill become much more powerful.
    • He's also partially the result of an attempt to invoke this by Vriska.
  • Disc-One Final Boss: He's presented as the primary antagonist of Acts 4 and 5. It's not until late into Act 5 that Lord English is established as a Greater-Scope Villain that who was always meant to supersede Jack's position as the Big Bad. Vriska herself expected this, merely describing Jack as "a murderous asshole" compared to the monstrous Lord English.
  • Distinguishing Mark: When Jack enters the troll universe, he's seen with a bloodied hand. This serves to distinguish the "future" Jack with the "present" Jack, who lacks the blood on his hand. The blood is eventually revealed to have come from WV.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Look at the rest of his tropes, then remember that Jack's reaction to Lord English's actions in Act 6 Part 2 EOA was shock and fear.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: Jack is bewildered that a little thing like murdering all her friends provokes such an Unstoppable Rage in PM.
  • Evil Virtues: He willingly gives up the package containing the instrument of his rise to power to PM after she brings her the White Monarchs crowns as he asked, and he takes the time to give Bro his sword back before dueling him again. Both of these things suggest that, while he might be an incredible example of an Omnicidal Maniac, he still has a sense of honor.
  • Flash Step: Skilled enough with it to keep up with Bro and Davesprite at the same time, before he was prototyped with Bec.
  • For the Evulz: Upon gaining omnipotence, Jack goes on a killing spree throughout the Medium not to consolidate more power, but to stave off boredom.
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: Goes from a glorified paper-pusher to an nigh omnipotent Ax-Crazy One-Man Army who destroys planets.
  • Full-Frontal Assault: Okay, his species has internal genitals, so he isn't showing anything but black carapace, but he's still a member of a normally-clothed race going around with only a scrap of clothing since he ripped off his gaudy uniform.
  • Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: Initially from the perspective of the Trolls. They just beat the final boss, are about to claim their great reward, and then suddenly an even more powerful opponent comes out of nowhere, kills all of them, and destroys every planet in their game.
  • Good Wings, Evil Wings: Evil, black, feathered wings, befitting his prophesied role in the Troll session as the Lord of all Angels.
  • Grudging "Thank You": After Mr. Egbert sets his hat on fire, sprays shaving cream all over it and stomps it into ruination, Jack allows him to leave. He really hated that hat.
  • Handicapped Badass: The prototyping removed one of his arms, not that it seems to hinder him any.
  • Honor Before Reason: When the Parcel Mistress hands over the White King's and Queen's crowns, he hands over Jade's package, just as he promised. Even though it contained the obscenely powerful weapon that precipitated his rise to power in the first place, and the Parcel Mistress certainly couldn't have forced Jack to give it up. This turns out to be a very bad idea.
    • Also, returning Bro's sword to Bro before engaging him in a fight. Obviously he could've killed Bro there and then, but he really wanted a compelling duel.
  • Humanoid Abomination: Thanks to the ring, which brings him ever closer to the "abomination" part of this trope with each prototyping.
  • I Have Many Names: Jack Noir, Sovereign Slayer, Bec Noir, "the demon", "the cancer", and possibly Lord of Angels.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: His default state when wearing the ring. The prototyped Seppucrow causes him to sheath his sword through his chest.
  • Ironic Echo: Troll-session Noir cuts his right hand to show his red blood to Karkat, proving that he's Not So Different. Kids-session Noir has a red blood-covered right hand when he enters the Troll universe and starts killing everyone, including Dream!Karkat.
    • Another echo between (a) the end of the Midnight Crew intermission when Spades Slick poses over the bar scanner with one gouged eye, a missing arms, and a pattern of red laser light on his head and (b) the end of "[S] Jack: Ascend," when Jack is in the same pose after putting on the ring with blood splattered on his forehead.
  • Ironic Echo Cut: The same bloodied hand above is featured in a cut in "[S] Cascade" from when his hands are covered in the blood Jade's killer to when he enters the Troll session right after having rammed his fist through WV.
  • Kick the Dog: When he goes to Prospit and proceeds to kill all the Prospit carapaces, and later when he ambushes and kills Mom and Dad.
  • Klingon Promotion: Upon killing the Black Queen, he takes her ring and takes full control of the Dersite monarchy.
  • Logical Weakness: He may be omnipotent, but his powers come from the Black Queen's Ring. removing ring (or the arm wearing the ring) means that he's Brought Down to Normal. However, it's easier said than done since he is omnipotent. The only person able to exploit this is PM, who's similarly empowered by the White Queen's Ring.
  • Lonely at the Top: He's been bored out of his skull ever since he became omnipotent.
  • Love at First Sight: Towards PM after she's prototyped (she doesn't feel the same way) and then Ms. Paint after he's defeated (she might feel the same way, especially since he's an alternate version of her now dead boyfriend).
  • Love Is a Weakness: Jack is actively afraid of his feelings for Jade and tries to have her killed. Similarly, his attraction to PM leads to him sparing her and later incites him to spend three years running from her instead of fighting.
  • Love Redeems: Seems to be heading in this direction, between Bec's post-prototyping loyalty seemingly becoming genuine in "[S] Cascade" and his Villainous Crush on PM making it hard for him to fight her.
    • Later, after [S] Collide, he seems to have fallen in love with Ms. Paint.
  • Marathon Boss: His duel with PM has been goes on for three years in-universe.
  • Maybe Ever After: With Ms. Paint in the end.
    • Meaningful Rename: For his new name, Sovereign Slayer, or SS = Spades Slick
    • Also Bec Noir = BN, chess notion for Black Knight.
  • The Mind Is a Plaything of the Body: Ever since Bec was prototyped, Jack has found himself thinking like a dog at times and sees Jade as his friend and master.
  • Monster Clown: Jack, along with all the Dersites, wear clown — er, harlequin outfits because John prototyped the Kernelsprite with a harlequin doll, giving them its traits. Subverted in Jack's case, he hates the clothes and gets rid of them whenever possible.
    • Though he still wears its tattered remains when he becomes the Sovereign Slayer.
  • Morality Pet: Played for laughs. "You can never stay mad at Cal. He is a true friend. The only you have ever known."
    • Zig-Zagged with Jade. He can't bring himself to hurt her because of his prototyping with Bec, and constantly has to suppress urges to gush over her like a puppy. So he orders DD to kill her instead. Except that when someone actually manages it, he's so upset that he takes her corpse to her Quest Bed, reviving her as a ridiculously powerful God Tier First Guardian.
  • Nice Hat: Although he doesn't like it that much, it's required of him to wear it when his monarch is looking. After becoming Bec Noir and Killing John's Dad, he took his Fedora. Then he pulls it off when he realizes that collecting trophies is stupid.
  • Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!:
    • Nice job waking up and empowering the one person who could possibly stop you (temporarily).
    • And again at the end of Act 5, when after Jade is killed, Bec's influence causes him to take her to her Quest Bed. Since Jade's dream self was currently the second prototyping of Becsprite, when she revives she has both God Tier Witch of Space AND First Guardian powers.note 
  • No-Nonsense Nemesis: See his fight with John and Rose.
  • Obstructive Bureaucrat: Jack Noir has bureaucracy during the sequence where the Parcel Mistress tracks down the green parcel, although he'd much rather kill someone than push papers.
    Mr. Noir tells you that ticket had better be notarized and punched in triplicate and presented with the full boondollar penalty plus processing fees, or you are wasting valuable time he could otherwise spend shirking his clerical duties.
  • Odd Name Out: The only carapace to actually have a name, outside of the Midnight Crew.
  • Oh, Crap!: He gets one when he realizes the bunny is loyal to John, again when the ring-wearing (and incredibly pissed) Prospitian Monarch appears, and again when he witnesses Lord English's Breath Weapon.
  • Omnicidal Maniac: Bec Noir after the death of (the original iteration of) Jade. He was already pretty stab-happy before, but this made him go on a rampage with the goal of destroying the universe and any other universe he could get his hands on.
  • One-Winged Angel: Happens after he puts on the dead Queen's ring.
    • He does it a second time when Bec is prototyped with Jade's kernelsprite. Arguably more of a Bishōnen Line, since he loses the tentacles.
  • Outside-Context Problem: For the Troll session.
  • Pet the Dog: See Grudging "Thank You". Also his inability to kill Jade, though this is due to Bec's influence more than anything. Averted right after, where he just asks Draconian Dignitary to do it for him... which unfortunately bites him in the ass.
    • All the more so: he is the reason Jade was resurrected, and he appeared to be genuinely sad and angry about her death, almost as if he started believing the urges Becquerel gave him.
  • Physical God: As of his fourth prototyping. He's the second most powerful character in the comic, and the only one more powerful than him is an immortal demon that consumes universes.
  • Picky Eater: As shown by the Post-Scratch Human Session version, although implicitly applicable to all versions, Jack will NOT eat fresh produce, only meat. Justified: as he himself indicates via a display of sharp teeth, he's an obligate carnivore by biology. Or, whatever the Dersite equivalent of biology is.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Once Jade is killed (by his own orders, no less), Bec's influence on him sets him off on one which leads him to kill the Exiles, destroy the Trolls' lands, and destroy a universe.
  • Scarf of Asskicking: After killing Dad and Mom, he took Mom's Scarf. He then promptly pulls it off, realizing it looks stupid.
  • Screw the Rules, I Have Supernatural Powers!: In the Kids' session, his only real restraints are making sure he doesn't destroy everything to the point that he doesn't have anything left to destroy and Bec's influence stopping him from killing Jade. In the Trolls' session, he has no restraints.
  • Sealed Evil in a Duel: While we're not sure how much longer it will last (it has been interrupted several times), Jack is less of a threat now that he's diverted by PM hunting him through the Furthest Ring.
  • Sinister Silhouettes: Becomes synonymous with everything going straight to hell.
  • invokedThat One Attack: Red Miles. Strong enough to destroy the entire universe, and more. When they say no one can escape the Miles, they aren't kidding.
  • The Starscream: All instances of Skaia have a Jack Noir, who will usually contact the players somehow and help them execute a plan to exile the Black Queen before they have to fight her. The Kids' Jack Noir is a freak case in that getting Liv Tyler/The Robo-Bunny allowed him to go after the Queen without the players' help, thus his ascension to Big Bad.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Before: Obstructive Bureaucrat. After: where to even begin?
  • Twitchy Eye: Gets one when he first meets John and Rose again after having killed them two years before. (In John's case, Jack has killed him twice.)
  • Unorthodox Sheathing: Keeps his sword impaled in his chest.
  • Up to Eleven: Does this almost literally when he changes from being a metaphorical Jack of Spades (10) to an Ace (11) when he steals the ring.
  • Victory Is Boring: Shortly after killing John's Dad and Rose's Mom: "God you are so bored."
  • Villainous Breakdown: The last two years of pursuit by PM have taken the edge off Jack's Omnicidal Maniac tendencies. Now he's just confused and a little freaked out, and really wants to find someplace to hide and catch his breath.
  • Villainous Crush: Develops one towards PM. However, she's gone caliginous for him instead.
  • Why Don't Ya Just Shoot Him?: Subverted VERY HARD. Played straight and justified when he refuses to kill Jade because of Bec's influence on hm.
  • Worthy Opponent: Seems to think Bro is one, having retrieved and returned Bro's katana for him. Though after the fourth prototyping, Jack is able to overpower him.

Post-Scratch Jack Noir/Jack English
This time, he's taking a slightly more direct approach in fueling the Prospit-Derse war. He is subsequently incarcerated for his actions, until he gets a little something from a clown that makes him re-evaluate his situation.

Cherub Session Jack Noir

Like post-scratch Jack, he assasinates Prospitians. He strikes a deal with Caliborn to kill Calliope.
  • The Cameo: He appears four about four panels and then has a minor background appearance before being killed off-screen.
  • Demoted to Extra: Has only appeared in a few panels, and considering the outcome of the Uu session, he's not likely to show up again.
  • Every Man Has His Price: Sweet Scotty Dogs.
  • Palette Swap: Unlike previous Jack Noirs, he wears white clothing.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Once Caliborn started making his works of art, he hasn't been seen or mentioned, implying Caliborn killed him.
  • You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Caliborn's comment on how it isn't good to leave stray Jack Noirs running around implies he may have disposed of this Jack after offing the Black Queen.

    Draconian Dignitary 

Draconian Dignitary
An Agent of Derse, and considerably smarter and calmer than his superior Jack Noir. Best described by Dave as a "pretty cold blooded dude", he actually gets things done without being a raging homicidal maniac by employing stealth and actually thinking things through. He was directly responsible for creating Becquerel (at Vriska's suggestion) and thus contributed to Jack's rise to power. Later, he takes over the day-to-day operations of Derse while Jack is off killing everyone, and his nagging is pretty much the only thing keeping Jack from flipping his shit and completely destroying the Incipisphere.
  • Blade on a Stick: His Weapon of Choice is a spear with a head that visually resembles a red diamond (as in the suite, not the rock).
  • Chekhov's Gunman: Parcel Mistress first passes him by on the way to Jack Noir's office. Of course, by that time, we already had met Diamonds Droog.
  • The Chessmaster: After stealing Rose's code, he creates Becquerel and sends him to Earth as its first Guardian. And by the time Jade plays the game, Bec prototypes himself, giving his superior, Jack, First Guardian powers.
  • Corrupt Bureaucrat: Subversion. DD is actually very dedicated to his job. However, he is maliciously lazy when it comes to orders that distract him from said job.
    You hit up the droll. The slayer was right, this guy is clearly incompetent. Still, the only real objective here is to get him to stop breathing down your neck with his awful dog breath.
  • The Dragon: Jack Noir's second-in-command.
    • Dragon with an Agenda: Suggested when he stole Dave's copy of Rose's MEOW book and used it to create Bec, apparently not on Jack's orders and with no obvious connection to Jack's plans. Later more or less subverted when Bec was prototyped, and Vriska revealed that she had conveyed the idea to the Dignitary as part of her own plan to empower Jack. So DD was still ultimately acting toward Jack's ends, even if not under his direct orders.
  • Hero Killer: Early on, Dave finds out that going back in time to stop this guy just leads to dead Daves.
  • Hypercompetent Sidekick: Not that Jack isn't competent, by any means. Still, DD's taken over the administrative end of things while Jack's been rampaging.
    You tell him you're busy with things that actually matter. Like running this kingdom on his behalf and all. Levying taxes, oppressing consorts, all the unpleasant chores he would never dirty his snout with.
  • Off with His Head!: His fate at Dave's hands.
  • Pragmatic Villainy: "There's a narrow line to walk between obeying the orders of a clear superior and blindly facilitating a perfectly useless genocide. It takes a very savvy breed of psychopath to pull it off. "
  • Meaningful Name: DD = Diamonds Droog
  • Morality Chain: Played with. He seems to be on mutual levels of respect with Jack Noir to the point where he's the only person able to keep him from starting mindless genocides, but he's clearly just as much as an antagonist as he is. There's also the fact that the respect mostly comes more out of them tolerating the other at best rather than being completely on par with each other.
  • Mythology Gag: It's Droog, not the Dignitary, who's been shown reading the newspaper frequently — it's hard to imagine Derse having any periodicals, as opposed to the rebuilt civilization on Alternia. But mind you, that doesn't stop the Dignitary from fantasizing about WAPping Jack Noir on the head with a rolled-up Gazette.
  • Unusual Ears: Forced to wear fake cat ears after Rose prototyped her kernelsprite with Jaspers. He ditches them after Jack takes over Derse.

Post-Scratch Draconian Dignitary

  • Awesomeness by Analysis: He coolly convinces the Condesce to lend him extra firepower, even lighting her a smoke even though she wasn't smoking in the first place. He's just that good.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: Manages to convince the Condense to give him the Queen's Ring and uses it efficiently. You'd wonder why he doesn't go and mess with the kids more, until you remember he's much more interested in making Derse fashionable and neglecting paperwork.
  • Corrupt Bureaucrat: Building off his pre-scratch version, he thinks paperwork is undignified, and he's more than happy to let stuff keep piling up on Jack's desk while waiting for him to be sprung from prison. Or arrange with Prospit to have said paperwork shipped to his cell.
  • The Dragon: With Jack in Prospit, he instead directly answers to the Condesce.
  • Dragon with an Agenda: Just like his boss, he's pretty ambitious. Unlike his boss, he prefers to take things more slowly and subtly.
    See, you tell the boss this is his problem. He's too blunt about his ambitions. Don't get you wrong. It's all well and good for a man to keep his eyes on the prize. But he doesn't always need to step over a thousand corpses and swim across rivers of blood to get there. You remind him there are slicker ways to make your moves, especially when it comes to a lady.
  • Hero Killer: Uses the Red Miles to murder Jane.
  • Invisibility Cloak: In addition to the standard RED MILES power, a void session's ring confers this unique ability. But DD doesn't think much of this "dimestore parlor trickery" and doubts he'll ever use it in the future
  • Jive Turkey: 30's and 50's slang comes up a bit when the narrator focuses on him in Act 6.
  • Menacing Stroll
  • No-Nonsense Nemesis
  • No Sense of Humor: Seemingly, but his sense of humor is just very dry and understated.
  • Ship Tease: In "[S] DD: Ascend More Casually", he gets ship teased a bit with the Condesce of all people, with her (and her Alternate Self Meenah) appearing almost everytime the word "wife" is uttered and whilst he's looking at his Grey Ladies Porn Stash. He's also shown to be fairly loyal to the Condesce, and respects her more than most other characters do.
  • Smoking Is Cool
  • invokedThat One Attack: Red Miles, just like Bec Noir.
  • The Social Expert: Unless the Condesce happens to have a particular affinity for him, he definitely qualifies for this: he not only knew exactly how to convince her to lease Dronegorg for his purposes, but even managed to persuade her to lend or give him her queenly ring. While the Condesce is well-supplied with offensive resources of her own, the RED MILES are a sufficiently devastating weapon that it's hard to imagine she would have given the ring away purely on a whim.
  • Transformation Sequence: Subverted. Putting on the prototype ring with no prototypes causes DD to undergo a dramatic transformation sequence to change into...himself. Just as well; gaining power through transformations isn't really his style.
  • Villainous Fashion Sense: Dronegorg may be an almighty engine of destruction, but you won't find DD at the helm: It's a bad look for him. No style at all.
  • Villain Respect: Toward Jane's Dad, to such an extent that DD has insisted on putting him up in a Luxury Prison Suite and has stressed that he is not to be harmed by the prison guards. The kicker, though, is that DD hasn't taken a shine to Dad on account of any noble traits in his character... but simply due to his impeccable grooming and fashion sense.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: He isn't seen or mentioned during the buildup to Collide or afterward. The last we'd heard from him, the Condesce had demanded he return her ring, but since she doesn't seem to be wearing it during her final stand, it's not even clear whether she had time to collect it from him.
  • Wicked Cultured: Why rush into your villainous plans when you can spend a little time being really classy first?
    Sure, you're going to put this ring on. But when you're good and goddamn ready. Maybe do a little reading first, have another smoke. Finish your coffee. Listen to some REAL music.

    Courtyard Droll 

Courtyard Droll
An Agent of Derse, in the service of Jack Noir. He tries to do important tasks involving stealth and theft, but he's not really all that good at what he does.
  • Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: You are so impressed, you forget what you are supposed to be doing.
  • Cloudcuckoolander
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: He may have no idea what he's doing most of the time, but he managed to successfully kill Jade with a shaving cream bomb. Too bad that a loyal Jack Noir was sitting nearby.
    • Additionally, he managed to infiltrate John's group, recognized the importance of the tumor, and successfully stole it, nearly derailing the hero's plans and dooming everyone. (Fortunately, the bunny manages to steal it back, but the Courtyard Droll comes extremely close to dooming everyone.)
    • His post-scratch version was also the only one to actually succeed at killing his target; even Jack failed, but somehow the Courtyard Droll succeeded.
  • The Ditz
  • Happy Dance: Sort of adorable and disturbing at the same time, given that he starts it up just after killing Jade.
  • Highly Visible Ninja: "You have unwittingly been tailed by the nefarious COURTYARD DROLL". How do you get unwittingly tailed by him? It helps that he can Flash Step out of the way when someone turns around.
  • Let's Get Dangerous!: If in the most cloudcuckoolandish way possible.
  • Mad Bomber: Explicitly called Derse's top powdermonkey in the post-scratch session, and he's made dangerously goofy use of explosives in the pre-scratch session and as Clubs Deuce too. A sort of subversion because even though he's certainly out of touch with reality, he's not crazy about explosions.
  • Meaningful Name: CD = Clubs Deuce.
  • Minion with an F in Evil: John just created and equipped the full-sized Warhammer of Zillyhoo. Had either been there, Jack's or DD's reaction would probably have been to slit John's throat before he could figure out what exactly makes this such a special weapon. But CD's reaction? High five.
    • To be fair, even if he did just slit John's throat, John would have revived again. Getting surprise-killed for no reason isn't going to take out a God Tier player.
    • In his only on-panel fight, he's completely trashed by an unarmed girl. With ADDITIONAL PUMMELING!
    • When he actually does get something vaguely evil done by killing Jade? All he seems to be thinking is that he's incredibly happy to have just done something right and helped out his superiors... and he dances with glee at that thought. It's actually kind of adorable.
  • Nice Hat: He is first introduced by his utterly ridiculous hat rising into the screen.
    • According to DD?, he has a collection.
  • Not Now, Kiddo: Here, he tries to tell Jack that he's nearly succeeded at stealing both the White Queen's ring and the Tumor, both of which are easily within his reach at that point and either one of which would have dramatically wrecked the hero's plans if he'd obtained them. Jack completely brushes him off.
  • Not So Harmless: Although he's buffoonish and even the people on his own side dismiss him as ineffective, he actually manages to kill one of the kids in both pre- and post-scratch incarnations; for Jade, he actually pulls off a decent Indy Ploy by stealing the shaving cream to use as an improvised bomb, while he kills Jake's dream-self by carefully reading his file and noticing his allergy to peanuts. This extends to his Midnight Crew version, which manages to kill two of the Felt by using one as an explosive trap for the other.
  • Pet the Dog: He befriends none other than the Cyborg Bunny on the kids' battlefield. D'awwwww, CD!
    • And he later gives her his iconic clubs patch to use as an eyepatch after WV eats her green eye.
  • Rummage Sale Reject: He actually likes wearing his silly outfit, much to the confusion of Draconian Dignitary.
  • Shrinking Violet:
    The dignitary is one of your superiors who makes you nervous. The list of superiors who make you nervous in fact includes all of your superiors. It includes many of your inferiors as well.

Post-Scratch Courtyard Droll

The post-scratch session's iteration of Derse agent Courtyard Droll. Like Jack, he's also taking a more direct approach, though with reservations.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: He isn't sure killing the heroes before the war begins is a good idea. Despite this, he still goes through with killing Jake's dreamself by feeding him peanuts.
  • Highly Visible Ninja: Much like his pre-scratch counterpart, he seems to be able to sneak around no matter how ridiculous he looks. He infiltrated Prospit and set up bombs throughout Jane's tower while wearing this.
  • Mythology Gag: His "you're welcome" embosser is based on a real embosser that Hussie made of the infamous memetic picture of him.
  • Nice Hat: Continues to love ridiculous headgear. In fact, her indifference to it is part of why he likes the new boss. The other part is her ridiculously long hair, which he confuses for this trope.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Like the Dignitary, he's vanished entirely by the end of the story.

    Hegemonic Brute 

Hegemonic Brute
An Agent of Derse, reportedly one of the largest and strongest Agents the kingdom has.

The Troll's iteration went on to become Hearts Boxcars. In the kids' universe, both the pre-scratch and post-scratch iterations were unceremoniously killed off.

  • The Brute: Only really used for his sheer strength.
  • Butt-Monkey: In both the pre- and post-scratch sessions, he's the first of the four agents to die. Hell, post-scratch HB dies three panels after his debut.
  • Chekhov's Gunman: He's the safe-wielding minion summoned by Jack to put an end to Mr. Egbert's jailbreak.
  • Demoted to Extra: The spirit of this trope is in play, even though it affects three versions of the same character within one story rather than across adaptations. All three supporting Midnight Crew members received roughly equal portions of screen time and characterization in the intermission. However...
    • The pre-scratch Hegemonic Brute ended up as nothing more than a flat Giant Mook whose sole narrative purpose was to be subjected to The Worf Effect on two occasions, the second of them fatal.
    • The post-scratch Brute got hit even harder, dying in his first scene; Dirk even lampshades it.
  • Irony: During the Intermission, Hearts Boxcars beheaded Eggs. After Descend, Hegemonic Brute is beheaded by Parcel Mistress and again in Act 6 by Dirk when he attempts to use an appropriately-named AXE TO GRIND.
  • Meaningful Name: HB = Hearts Boxcars. His name also reflects his role as the court's thug.
  • Off with His Head!: His fate at PM's hands.
  • Smash Mook: Not to the point of defeating Dad, though.
  • Super Strength: Given the size of the safe he happens to be carrying during his first appearance, it's a pretty safe bet that he has this.
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: Has no dialogue or real focus before being killed mid-way through Act 4.
  • The Worf Effect: Across all versions. Sure, he's the most physically imposing, but name a fight that he's actually won. Even his Midnight Crew counterpart only killed one enemy after SS ended the fight for him.

Post-Scratch Hegemonic Brute

    Black Queen 

Black Queen
The Queen of Derse. She possesses a Ring of Power which changes her form to apply the prototyped aspects of the players' sprites when they enter the Medium. While her husband wages the war on the Battlefield, she's perfectly content to just sit around and harass the shit out of Jack Noir.

The Troll's version became the member of the Felt known as Snowman, and her tropes can be found here. The tropes here apply to the pre-scratch session's iteration, and the final iteration in the post-scratch session was replaced by a stronger Queen, who presumably killed her.

The Cherub session Black Queen served as the second to last boss of the conqueror path. Given what we know about Caliborn's rise to power, she's likely been killed offscreen.

  • Chess Motifs
  • Combat Tentacles: The B1 version has these, thanks to Jaspersprite.
  • Disc-One Final Boss: She's usually this for Prospit players, and the Uu session Black Queen is the final boss of the eight ball planet, and the last before the Denizen.
  • Dual Boss: Becomes this with the Black King in a normal session if she or her ring is not otherwise dealt with before he is engaged on the Battlefield.
  • Evil Counterpart: She is, essentially, a color swap of the White Queen in appearance.
  • Fake Boss: Initially appears to be a threat for the Kids. Jack Noir beats them to her.
  • God Save Us from the Queen!: She nearly kills Jack Noir over a uniform dispute.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: Although she has the exact same scars as the White Queen, since they come from the Harlequin prototyping.
  • I Have Many Names: She has been referred to as the Exalted Ruler, the Glorious Monarch and the Black Queen.
  • Ring of Power: The source of her changes from being prototyped.
  • Mix-and-Match Critters: Arguably. She has a carapace, a feline face, two tentacles and wings, the last three resulting from the kids' prototyping of their sprites.
  • Nice Hat: As with all the monarchs, her crown.
  • Orcus on His Throne: The Black Queen doesn't seem to do much besides look sexy —REGAL! We meant regal, and harass Jack. The King however, commands on the battlefield.
  • Sensible Heroes, Skimpy Villains: Her dress is much more revealing than the White Queen's.
  • Skippable Boss: Skaia's preset variables allows the players to skip her in some way, usually through contact and correspondence with Jack Noir. One of the confirmed manners of removing her from the game is in the Troll Session, where after Aradia knowingly prototypes the head of the Frog Temple, this causes the Black Queen to outright refuse to wear The Ring, because it would give her the physical attributes of the Genesis Frog, which is considered a vile creature by Dersite Society. Her refusal is grounds for her to be exiled, which the Troll's Session's Jack Noir and the Troll Players take advantage of after forming an alliance with each other.
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: Twice, since she was killed and replaced by Betty Crocker in the post-scratch session.
  • Winged Humanoid: The B1 version had these, thanks to Crowsprite.

    White Queen 

White Queen
The Queen of Prospit. She possesses a Ring of Power which changes her form to apply the prototyped aspects of the players' sprites when they enter the Medium. She's always a long-term planner, willing to concede defeat or sacrifice herself for the long-term goal. The kid's version abdicates the throne in order to aid PM?'s quest to deliver Jade's package.
  • Abdicate the Throne: Does this and sets things up for PM to become the new queen in her stead.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: She's very kind-hearted and gentle towards others, but Post-Scratch Jack Noir learned the hard way that she's not at all hesitant about laying the smack-down on someone if they threaten her allies.
  • Chess Motifs: As Queen, she generally is more active than the King and has a greater role in fighting the Dersite army.
  • Combat Tentacles: The B1 version has these, thanks to Jaspersprite.
  • The High Queen: It even reflects itself in her text, which is overly flowery and elegant.
  • I Have Many Names: White Queen, Adored Sovereign, and Windswept Questant.
  • Mix-and-Match Critters: With the cat-features and tentacles, she could be considered this.
  • Nice Hat: The jester hat that she got thanks to John's prototyping.
  • Sensible Heroes, Skimpy Villains: Her outfit is more modest than the Black Queen's.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Her iteration in the Troll Session is never mentioned, which is odd considering the pre-scratch kids' iteration was full of schemes.

Post-Scratch White Queen

Post-scratch Prospit's queen, who was rather unimpressed to find Jack trying to murder Jane again.

     White King 

White King
The King of Prospit, who wages war against Derse on the Battlefield at the heart of Skaia. He wields a scepter which confers upon him increased size and the prototyped aspects of the players' sprites when they enter the medium; the army of Derse seeks this scepter and, when captured, will use it to start the Reckoning, leaving the players just twenty-four hours to defeat the Black King, stop the Reckoning and win the game. The version from the kids' session later hides inside the time capsule in the Frog Temple to survive and become the Writ Keeper on the future Earth.
  • Abdicate the Throne: In the face of inevitable defeat, the King surrenders his crown so PM can receive the Bunny from Jack.
  • Big Good: Of Sburb, but not of Homestuck.
  • Chess Motifs: As the King, he's less mobile than the Queen, and his defeat marks the defeat of Prospit.
  • Combat Tentacles: As apart of his prototyping.
  • Failure Is the Only Option: He is destined to eventually lose the war on the Battlefield and lose his scepter. It just happened much faster than usual in the kids' session.
  • Gentle Giant: A side effect of holding his scepter.
  • Large and in Charge: Holding his scepter makes him a giant, and he's pretty tall even without it.
  • Magic Wand: His scepter can summon meteors to begin the destruction of Skaia. Given that White is destined to lose, said powers are activated near endgame and leave twenty-four hours for the players to prevent the destruction of Skaia.
  • Mix-and-Match Critters: Lost after his scepter is captured.
  • Nice Hat: His crown.
  • Off with His Head!: Shortly after reuniting with his Queen, Jack decapitates him.
  • Requisite Royal Regalia: His crown and scepter. He notably loses just before he abdicates.
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: All three known incarnations. Killed immediately upon arriving in exile from the kids' session. Unseen completely in the trolls' session. Killed as a (hopefully) non-sentient chess piece on the unevolved Battlefield in the post-Scratch kids' session. He never had a line.

     Black King 

Black King
The King of Derse, who wages war against Prospit on the Battlefield at the heart of Skaia. He wields a scepter which confers upon him increased size and the prototyped aspects of the players' sprites when they enter the medium. Claiming this scepter is required to end the Reckoning after it starts and to win the game.

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