SMG4 Characters index
Mario | Non-Mario | Guards N' Retards
Mario | Non-Mario | Guards N' Retards
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Protagonists
Christopher "Chris" Gordman

- Adorkable: His clumsiness is rather endearing, even when it gets people killed.
- Anti-Hero: Though he's a lot nicer than Swagmaster, he can be just as violent and reckless as the latter is.
- Art Evolution: Originally animated in GoldenEye, as of "Mario Saves Anime" he and Chris are animated entirely in Garry's Mod.
- Ax-Crazy: Just like Swagmaster, he has a tendency to shoot people who annoy him.
- Berserk Button: Everything Swagmaster does.
- Butt-Monkey: Even more so than Greg, simply because he has more screen time. He usually has to suffer along with Swag whenever they screw up. Which happens very often.
- Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: Functions as this to Swagmaster.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: While Swagmaster has the lion's share of moments in "Mario's Prison Escape", he assists him by disarming Saiko of her shotgun with a magnet.
- Deadpan Snarker: Especially around Swag. But tends to be sarcastic towards most of the workers.
- Expy: His Microsoft Mike voice and more down to earth and cynical personality make him similar to The Arbiter from Arby 'n' the Chief.
- The Heavy: Of the Anime Arc, along with Swagmaster. After Peach bans anime, the A.S.S. do most of the heavy lifting, prior to their HeelFace Turn.
- Nice Guy: Well, nicer than Swagmaster at least.
- Only Sane Man: He's the only one who takes his job as a guard seriously and believes that pretty much everyone working there acts like a mental patient.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The serious Blue Oni to Swag's Red.
- Straight Man: Serves as a foil to Swag's antics.
- Unexplained Recovery: He commits suicide at the end of "Le train breach", only to show up alive and well next episode.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With his partner Swag. Despite being the victim of Swag's antics, he does care about him, even saving him from getting shot by Saiko in "Mario's Prison Escape".
Swagmaster69696969696

- All Men Are Perverts: Has an unhealthy obsession with breasts and is even the main conflict in "Guards N' Retards: Pointy Things".
- Ambiguously Bi: He's clearly a pervert with a dangerous obsession with women's breasts, but he also shows signs of being attracted to men such as going to gay bars and flirting with a man in a bathroom stall. He denies it, however.
- Anti-Hero: He is a violent and reckless character who tends to shoot people annoying him.
- Art Evolution: Same as Chris.
- Ax-Crazy: Very much yes. Points for actually wielding an ax in "Mario's Prison Escape".
- Berserk Button:
- If he is not invited to a swag party...
- Hurting Chris. Francis' anime replicas learned this the hard way.
- Beware the Silly Ones: He's a massive Cloudcuckoolander and rather incompetent besides, but when he puts his mind to something, be very afraid. A good example is "Mario's Prison Escape"; he chases Mario and friends through the vents with an ax and even takes their getaway vehicle out with a rocket launcher, despite being as much of a manchild as usual.
- Cloudcuckoolander: So very much.
- Cold Ham : His Microsoft Sam voice doesnt give him a wide range of emotions, but thanks to his inflated ego, he is still very much a Large Ham who will steal the spotlight with his overly dramatic performances and Badass Boasts whenever he has the opportunity.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: As of "Mario's Prison Escape", while he's still very much a moron, he's capable of tanking Meggy's attacks with nothing more than a complaint that she shot off his pelvis, and landed a direct incapacitating shot on the Tari-boosted escape truck.
- The Determinator: Dodges every attack and kills every one of Francis' anime replicas once Chris is shot.
- The Ditz: How he got the guard job in the first place is questionable since he's possibly mentally challenged.
- Expy: His Microsoft Sam voice and his extreme lack of intelligence or morality make him just like Master Chief from Arby 'n' the Chief, only with better grammar.
- The Heavy: Of the Anime Arc, along with Chris. After Peach bans anime, the A.S.S. do most of the heavy lifting, prior to their HeelFace Turn.
- Informed Attribute: During his debut, Swagmaster said his name comes from his YouTube channel, yet this channel has never been seen, not even outside of Guards 'n Retards either, or even the "MarioTube" videos which actually have characters uploading YouTube videos.
- Jerkass: Most of the time, he's uncaring towards everyone but himself; he physically and verbally abuses everyone, and he puts his own desires above all else.
- Jerkass Has a Point: During the episode Mario Works at Mcdonalds Chris insists the disaster Mario caused would've been avoided if Swagmaster had just done his job. However, as Swagmaster stated it was Chris' idea to hire Mario in the first place knowing how dangerous he can be.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He does truly care about Chris, as shown in World War Mario.
- Lethally Stupid: His general reaction to a lot of the situations is to use explosive weapons to the point where Chris can't trust him to go out on his own.
- Let's Get Dangerous!: After Mario and co. escape from prison, he and Chris chase them down and despite some setbacks, almost catch them. Swag gets another one of these moments in "World War Mario" after Chris gets shot, going full Leeroy Jenkins on the anime replicas that did it and capturing that bunker in the process.
- Never My Fault: Whenever he does something extraordinarily stupid, he will blame Chris for it.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: So far, Swagmaster has only been addressed by his supposed YouTube username, and his real name hasn't been revealed as of late.
- Psychopathic Manchild: He's a grown man who causes a bunch of senseless destruction, and generally acts like an undisciplined six-year old.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The overly excited and reckless Red Oni to Chris' Blue.
- Small Name, Big Ego: Very stuck-up, but has nothing to back up his supposed skill.
- Too Dumb to Live: He often causes dangerous situations in his and Chris' lives.
- Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Full stop. His stupidity and ego are just there for comedy.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With his partner Chris.
Admiral Greg

- Butt-Monkey: He often gets nipple twisted by Swagmaster.
- The Friend Nobody Likes: Thanks to his no nonsense attitude.
- I Am Very British: He speaks in a British Accent.
- Lethally Stupid: He thought the TNT in "da bomb" was a pack of hot dogs. Needless to say when he tried to cook them...
Sergeant Mark

- Drill Sergeant Nasty
- Mean Boss: He is quite abrasive towards Chris and Swagmaster. Not that they're any better than him.
Tubbie Wonka

- The Bus Came Back: "Le Train breach" marked his first actual appearance since the pilot.
- Shout-Out: To Willy Wonka. He wears the same hat worn by The Cat in the Hat.
- Unexplained Recovery: After being ground up into Tubby Custard by Mario, he reappears in the series perfectly fine.
Antagonists
The Butt Ninja

- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: the butt ninja.
- The Dragon: To the Terrorist in Guards N' Retards: Swag Party Hostages.
- HeelFace Turn: Joins Swagmaster and Chris' party at the end of Guards N' Retards: Swag Party Hostages.
The Terrorist

- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: Swag Party Hostages.
Agent Biker

- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: Le train breach until it's revealed that he is working for Raymond.
- The Dragon: To Raymond in Guards N' Retards: Le train breach.
Reymond D. Gai

- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: Le train breach.
- French Jerk: Has a thick French accent.
- Punny Name: His name is a mondegreen of "Reymond the Guy".
Ivan
- voiced by: Garrett Menshew

- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: Swag Magic.
Side characters
Crazy Raisin Lady

- Ax-Crazy: And HOW!
- Catchphrase: "RAISINS!"
- Trademark Favorite Food: Take a guess.
Titty Sprinkles
