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Quagmire House

    Glenn Quagmire 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/20120908140908Glenn_Quagmire_7213.png
Giggity-giggity-goo!

An extreme sex-addicted, perverted neighbor and formerly U.S. Navy ensign that flirts with every hot woman (even teens) in rather disturbing ways. Voiced by Seth MacFarlane.

Associated Tropes:

  • Ace Pilot: Can fly anything. From an old Japanese Zero, a Cessna and a passenger jet.
  • Acquainted with Emergency Services: In Season 3 "Lethal Weapons", while a naked Quagmire watches Lois chase away the New Yorkers on her lawn from his window, his window slams down shut on his penis. Unable to get the window up, Quagmire calls 911:
    Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah... Yeah, yeah, it's in a window this time.
  • Acquired Poison Immunity:
    • He's been maced/pepper sprayed so many times he's developed an immunity.
    • A Halloween Episode also revealed that he has already contracted, and subsequently become immune to, every known venereal disease. It takes Peter finding one that hasn't been discovered yet in order to finally infect him.
    • He's performed auto-erotic axphyxiation on himself so much that he can recover from being strangled in only a few seconds.
  • Action Survivor: He's skinny and doesn't have the fighting abilities of Peter or Joe but it's practically impossible to find a punishment he's not used to and he'd do anything to protect the people he cares about or punish the ones he hates.
  • Affably Evil: Make no mistake, Glenn can be a pretty nice guy but the fact that he's able to have a (mostly) stable personality around so many people, even as he commits rape makes him even more disturbing. Not to mention how in the past he casually hinted he wanted to rape Lois.
  • Antagonist in Mourning: Subverted. He attends Brian's funeral, but is shown watching a baseball game on his cellphone out of boredom.
  • Anything That Moves:
    • Well, anything female with a vagina. He's even hit on Meg with the line "Hey Meg, 18 yet?" Even Loretta exploited this in "The Cleveland Loretta Quagmire." The only known exception to this is Peter's boss, Angela, who even Quagmire refuses to have sex with, on the grounds that she is "a complete dumpster fire."
    • Glenn has something of a yes/no attitude towards transsexual women, as in one episode he hits on a feminine-looking individual, rejects her when he realizes the woman is trans, backs up a moment to check if she's pre-op/post-op and goes back to rejecting her when she says she's still pre-op. However, in another episode he gets really upset when Brian informs him that based on his scent, he had sex with two Filipino women and a man, when he was under the impression he had sex with three Filipino women.
    • In "Family Gay" he takes Peter up on his offer of sex but only if they do it "his way."
  • At Least I Admit It: Quagmire could be seen as a Deconstruction of this trope. He believes himself better than Brian because he admits to his vices but not only does he commit worse offenses than Brian has he also lacks any of the emotional baggage that affects Brian, often doing such things out of sheer callousness. Rather than giving himself a moral high ground through his honesty about his actions, he comes across as above judgement because of it. To add to it, he truthfully doesn't as he is later revealed to blame all his shortcomings on his mother, something Brian is quite willing to throw back at him.
  • Audience Surrogate: For the majority of the fans that began to hate Brian. In fact, if you watch the scene where Quagmire reveals why he hates Brian, you'll notice all of the reasons sounds more like they are coming from the fans instead of Quagmire.
  • Became Their Own Antithesis: The more critical he became of Brian and others for being delusional and fraudulent of their vices, the more pretentious, judgemental and self righteous he himself became, compared to the sleazy but jovially self aware person he was before.
  • Been There, Shaped History: He reveals to Peter and Joe in "Halloween on Spooner Street" that he was Patient Zero for gonorrhea.
  • Berserk Button:
    • In most post-cancellation seasons, Brian's existence is this to him.
    • More specifically, being a self-appointed hedonist and pervert, Quagmire seems to aggressively loathe the concept of virtue signalling and people who try to absolve themselves of their own shortcomings through faux righteousness and pontificating of others, as both his mother and Brian discover. As Brian has lampshaded however, his own obsessive grandstanding and avoidance of responsibilities and consequences sometimes make him a complete hypocrite in that regard.
  • Bestiality Is Depraved:
    • Possibly, due to this line spoken while discussing jury duty:
    Quagmire: Yeah, that's what separates us from the monkeys. That and the armed guards at the zoo. Man, they got some sexy monkeys down there.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: He has an incredibly vicious side to his normally hyperactive personality, as Brian and Jeff learned this the very hard way. Jeff at the very least actually deserved it!
  • Big Brother Instinct: In, "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q", he did not take his sister's abuse from her boyfriend Jeff very well.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: He acts very friendly and funny, but in reality he's a dangerous rapist.
  • Black Comedy Rape: "Roofie Coladas" are apparently a staple drink he buys women.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: He's a pretty competent pilot, and he does take his job seriously. Though usually pretty carefree, seeing someone being irresponsible around an airplane is one of the few things that can instantly piss him off (as Peter finds out the hard way).
  • Car Fu: He rammed his sister's abusive boyfriend into a tree.
  • The Casanova: Does it really need to be said?
  • Catchphrase:
    • "Giggity-giggity-giggity-goo!"
    • "OH!"
    • "Heh-heh...aaaall riiiight."
  • Cerebus Retcon: Season 8's "Jerome is the New Black" revealed the reason why Quagmire is a sex maniac: His jealousy and possessiveness drove away the one woman he truly loved — Cheryl Tiegs — and now he aimlessly has sex to fill the void she left behind. It's actually not all that surprising when you look back on three previous episodes: "Emission Impossible" (Quagmire has a Cheryl Tiegs poster on the door of his refrigerator), "Barely Legal" (Quagmire gives Meg his favorite book, "The Missing Piece" by Shel Silverstein, stating that he reads it whenever he feels like he's missing that one piece in his life that made him whole) and "Perfect Castaway" (where he mentions that if he was blind, "every woman he did would be Cheryl Tiegs").
  • Chivalrous Pervert: Averted. More of a dangerous pervert due to his questionable methods of seducing women (though he refuses to have sex with Meg until she turns 18, and immediately went flaccid when he tried to have sex with Lois while Peter had amnesia and ironically was becoming more like Quagmire as a result, and Lois said she trusted Quagmire as seen on "Big Man on Hippocampus"). It's been toned down though, as the show staff have opted to make him more of a Jerk with a Heart of Gold.
  • Competition Freak: Quagmire has a habit of getting hyper-competitive at any sort of sporting event. When palying golf with Peter and the gang, he loses his temper repeatedly, at a bowling tournament, he drop-kicks a small child's birthday cake in celebration upon winning first place, and at a softball game, he doesn;t allow the literal death of Horace distract him from noticing that Jerome's ball was out of bounds.
  • Cool Car: He drives a red '57 Chevy Bel Air convertible.
  • Corrupt the Cutie: Okay, he was pretty damn corrupt to begin with, though was notably the most laid back and happy-go-lucky of Peter and his friends. His role as a Self-Deprecation avatar however has gradually evolved him into a much more cynical character (he has gained an outright Hair-Trigger Temper around Brian).
  • Create Your Own Villain: After several disproportionate tirades (and at least one brutal beatdown) against him, Brian gained a mutual contempt for Quagmire and has actively made his life difficult on several occasions over their spats.
  • Crippling Castration: Subverted.Glenn’s penis was bitten off by a shark. Ultimately, he received a penile transplant after a donation from his post-gender reassigned father and the power of *Artistic License – Medicine/*Artistic License – Biology.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: He is a decent pilot, can do some impressive feats but he is also a depraved rapist with the same flaw as Joe and Peter.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He eventually starts acting like this on occasion, especially when provoked by Peter's antics.
  • Depending on the Writer:
    • The writers can't seem to make up their minds on whether Quagmire is a Lovable Sex Maniac with a heart of gold or a rapist and kidnapper.
    • In later seasons he totters in and out between being the fairly jovial, wacky but still depraved being he was before, or a something of a priggish curmudgeon who nit picks all the stupid antics of the cast (while still being as depraved a being as he was before).
    • His rivalry with Brian fades in and out since it's introduction. In some cases he can at least passively socialise with Brian, in others they can't remotely interact without Quagmire expressing his utter disdain for him. How mutually Brian hates Quagmire also varies, sometimes he will (if somewhat unctuously) try to make peace with Quagmire, who will have none of it, in others he spats with him with equally vicious contempt, with Quagmire even sometimes the one trying to being halfway affable until Brian intentionally reignites his anger.
  • Dirty Old Man: Considering that he's really 61, he can be easily depicted as this.
  • Disco Dan: The interior of his house has the look of the 60's or 70's.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Beats Brian to near death for unknowingly sleeping with his now-transgender dad, and shoots Peter in the head after the latter accidentally shoots his arm, destroying part of his brain. Whether or not Quagmire meant to shoot Peter in the arm, his lack of shock speaks volumes.
  • Dude, She's Like, in a Coma!: Quagmire apparently doesn't need his women to be conscious or even alive in order to get off; more than one scene in different episodes show Glenn dragging away the scantily-clad/naked body of a woman who's unconscious or dead, although we never actually see what he does after the fact.
  • Easily Forgiven: Both Peter and Cleveland are still friends with Quagmire, despite the sexual affairs he has had with their wives. Not to mention the stuff he's dished out on Brian. Who knows if Quagmire's been arrested by Joe for any of his actions?
  • Embarrassing Last Name: In "Tiegs for Two", he is revealed to be half-Polish and that his last name is really Quagglechek.
  • Everyone Has Standards:
    • He won't take advantage of Meg when she is extremely vulnerable.
    • Peter's boss Angela is apparently so hideous that even he wouldn't do her.
    • He's an unrepentant pervert, but is rather uncomfortable with trying to sleep with his friends' wives. He immediately regretted sleeping with Cleveland's now ex-wife, and when trying to seduce Lois, he immediately went flaccid when she had trust in him.
    • Sonja soon proved to be to too perverted for him, being squicked out when she told him to sleep with his transgendered father. It got worse.
    • Granted, this was well before he turned into a rapist, but he was disgusted that Carter had had an affair in violation of his wedding vow to a wife of 50 years.
    • Both times when he was married, first to Peter's maid Joan and later to a prostitute named Charmese, he still respected his wedding vows and temporarily gave up his philandering until he found a way out of both relationships.
    • In "Brian Griffin's House of Payne", he's actually trying to stop Joe from shooting Brian to death.
  • Extreme Omnisexual: Peter outright said in "Meg and Quagmire" that Quagmire will "bang anything." Cue a Cutaway Gag of Quagmire in Peter's fridge, having sex with a meatloaf.
  • Flanderization: Ever since Season 9 or so, he's been reduced to a selfish, non-empathetic, annoying sex maniac who despises Brian over petty reasons.
  • Formerly Fat: According to Brian at least.
  • Friend to All Children: One of his redeeming traits is that he's a good uncle to his terminally ill niece and seems to have a soft spot for young people in general besides this, even Meg. He's shown to be really good with the Griffin children, who's father is one of his closest friends, very regularly helping them out and giving them advice.
  • Freudian Excuse Is No Excuse: In "Quagmire's Mom," Quagmire is arrested for statutory rape after sleeping with a teenage girl (who he met at a party he was holding for his 1000th sexual encounter; a large-mouth bass), he tries to convince the judge that his sexual deviancy is the fault of his mother, who was an even bigger deviant than him, and being raised by her warped him. The judge disagrees, pointing out that while his childhood wasn't perfect, it doesn't excuse his crime, and sentences him to prison. Brian later tells him that he's a grown man and should take responsibility for his own actions and not blame his mother for them.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: In the Halloween episode, when he tricked Peter and Joe into thinking he was possessed by his kamikaze pilot ancestors.
  • Grumpy Bear: In later seasons, his inflated pedestal and lower patience for Peter and the others' antics often make him rather irritable.
  • Hairstyle Malfunction: Revealed to wear a toupee in "Old Man and the Big 'C'," but it gets fixed by him getting a hair transplant.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: Seems to have developed this around Brian, who constantly manages to inadvertently offend or infuriate him immensely, often leading to a rather vicious verbal (and sometimes physical) beatdown by Quagmire. Downplayed in their later feuds, he still viciously abhors Brian, but usually because he angers him on purpose.
  • He Who Fights Monsters: His established hatred for Brian has led to Quagmire developing increased aggressive and occasionally outright violent tendencies over petty (and often inadvertant) offenses from the latter, as well as a similar bouts of snobbish preachiness as his nemesis, who probably came to hate him back for it.
  • Hey, That's My Line!: In "Quagmire's Quagmire", Glenn thought that his new super-kinky girlfriend Sonja was perfect, until she went too far even for him:
    Quagmire: [while Sonja beats him with a rod after throwing him in the trunk of his car] Ow! You're hurting me, and I really need to clean out my trunk!
    Sonja: Oh, I'm gonna clean out your trunk. Giggity.
    Quagmire: That's my word... that's my word! [Sonja slams the trunk shut]
  • Hidden Depths: It's easy to forget, especially in the light of all the Brian fans; but in addition to his disgust with Brian's hypocritical and self-centered nature, "Jerome Is The New Black" showed that Quagmire is not without humanity. He volunteers at a homeless shelter, is helping his sister through an abusive relationship, and that his extreme pansexualality is his attempt to fill the void left by his failed relationship with model Cheryl Tiegs.
  • Hypocrite: Many of the things he chewed Brian out for during his epic "The Reason You Suck" Speech are things he is either just as guilty for, or 'more' guilty for. Yes Brian did deserve to be given that speech, but Glenn Quagmire was the last person on Earth who had any right to give it to him.
    • Calls Brian out for hitting on Lois, when he has done the same to an equal if not higher degree and goes beyond that by being shown to harbor some of her hair and has digged through the Griffin's garbage for her toenail clippings.
      • It doesn't help that in "Big Man on Hippocampus", he decides to take advantage of Peter's amnesia and hit on Lois. This also shows a lack of honesty on his part, contrary to what he said during his rant towards Brian, (and this episode came after "Jerome is the New Black").
      • It also helps that he had no qualms with ruining Cleveland’s marriage with Loretta.
    • He uses the line "How's that son of yours you never see?" in referencing Brian's failure as a father. Quagmire himself encountered several children that resembled him in "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing" and promptly ran away. He also gave his daughter up for adoption in the episode right before "Jerome is the New Black" while Dylan himself chose to leave Brian in order to take care of his mother. Brian would also go on to see Dylan again in "Brian's a Bad Father", while Quagmire has never returned to any of his off-spring.
    • In "Quagmire's Mom" he is revealed to blame all his personal issues and flaws on his mother's upbringing of him. Brian, who he claimed to be superior to for admitting his flaws, calls him out on refusing responsibility for his crimes. Quagmire's retaliation is that an Atheist shouldn't support a Christian like his mother, another ethic he called Brian out on.
    • In "The Heartbreak Dog", he's one of several characters that chews Brian out for having an affair with Bonnie. His presence at the intervention feels completely unfair since Quagmire has not only previously caused an affair of his own between Cleveland and his first wife Loretta, but he's also tricked Joe into letting him have sex with Bonnie.
    • To provide an example that doesn't have anything to do with his petty hatred for Brian, in "Peter-assment" he tells Peter that if he doesn't have sex with his (female) boss, he's gay. When Peter tries to have Quagmire have sex with her for him later, he says no, simply because she is "ugly". By his own logic, he must be gay, but this is never brought up. Likewise, he calls Peter out at the end for (supposedly) having an affair, when again, he said not doing it makes him gay.
    • A deleted scene from "And I'm Joyce Kinney" has him disgusted over the fact that he lives next door to Lois when her past of being a former porn star is revealed. Yep, Glen Quagmire (a registered sex offender) can't stand that he lives next door to a former porn star (and one that he'd been lusting after beforehand no less).
    • In "The Giggity Wife", he gets into a drunken Accidental Marriage with an older, washed-up Streetwalker named Charmise. Similar to the aforementioned "And I'm Joyce Kinney" example, he's disgusted with her for her sexual past, yet he has slept with thousands of girls and women, and continued to do so after that marriage ended.
  • Hypocrite Has a Point:
    • Quagmire calls out Brian for, among other things, dating only bimbos, lusting after the married Lois, and not looking after his kid. Although Quagmire himself has these flaws too and is aware of it, Brian doesn't have a single retort to "The Reason You Suck" Speech that he has just received.
    • Even in later spats, where Brian does have plenty of ammo concerning Quagmire's own sleazy habits, Quagmire is perfectly willing to draw it back onto him. After all, Brian had zero qualms with Quagmire until he got bitter about him refusing to be his friend:
    Brian: [angry] Hey, if you guys are so close, maybe Jillian should know that you teach a class in picking up women?!
    Quagmire: [equally angry] And Cheryl should know that you took that class!
  • I Love the Dead:
    • Lampshaded by himself when he was about to have sex with the corpse of a hooker Stewie sniped, only to stop and ask himself if he actually was mentally ill.
    • In "And Then There Were Fewer", after a woman named Stephanie is shot and killed at a dinner party, we see Quagmire driving off with her dead, naked body in the trunk of his car.
    • The episode "Mr. and Mrs. Stewie" features this exchange between Peter and Quagmire:
      Peter: Men need someone to spoon with and snuggle with just the same as women. Who says that the body next to you has to be male or female, or whatever?
      Quagmire: Or alive.
      Peter: Yeah. Well, no...
  • Implausible Deniability: In the episode "Tea Peter," he married a giraffe and had a Half-Human Hybrid child with it. Despite the fact that the newborn giraffe had his face and even said a variation of his Catchphrase ("Giraffity!"), Quagmire promptly denied the child was his.
  • Incredibly Lame Pun: Often yells out an livid "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" whenever Brian tries to push his buttons.
  • The Jailbait Wait: While Quagmire has had sex with underage girls as young as twelve, he's apparently willing to wait for Meg. More than almost anyone else on the show, he also seems to genuinely care for her, much more so than her own family, everyone else in Quahog, and the universe at large.
  • Jerkass: Most of the time he's a heartless sex hound who will do anything to take advantage of almost any woman and he's abandoned who knows how many kids. Also sometimes his own hatred for Brian crosses over into Disproportionate Retribution, like when he beat up Brian for sleeping with his transgender father (something which Brian was completely unaware of).
  • Jerkass to One: He flip-flops between a heartless sex hound and a Jerk with a Heart of Gold but normally gets along with most people. However, from Season 8 onwards, he completely despises Brian and is openly rude to him whenever they interact.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He grew attached to his illegitimate daughter, and, during his infamous rant against Brian, revealed that he works at a soup kitchen to help the homeless. He also gave said daughter up when he realized she would be happy, and he expressed disapproval when Peter pretended to be crippled (in the Star Wars special). He's also shown to care about the Griffin kids, giving them advice and helping them out, even if it is to do bad things. Even when he was trying to sleep with Meg, he actually was willing to go at her own pace rather than just drug her as he would done with any other woman.
  • Karma Houdini:
    • It's Played for Laughs more often than not but by any definition he's a serial rapist and prolific sex offender, amongst other moral and criminal offences. He is guilty of faking love just to get women to sleep with him, has several children across the world that he doesn't care to know about (running away from one that might have been his), brutally assaulted or was otherwise horrible to Brian for various petty reasons, kept women prisoner in his own home, is guilty of necrophilia...basically, by all rights he should be in a maximum security prison for life.
    • As with most of the cast, his crimes take a Refuge in Audacity when they are just a cutaway gag. In one infamous gag (often censored), he even sexually assaults Marge Simpson, proceeds to have a consensual affair with her, is caught by Homer and shoots him in a panic, then murders the entire family, including Bart, Lisa and Maggie, to cover up the event. The stuff that is played straight with Quagmire however still includes sexual assault, peeping on women undressing, and assault and murder of his sisters' Bastard Boyfriend (while this is portrayed somewhat sympathetically, it's still obviously murder).
    • The episode "The Unkindest Cut" could be seen as a subversion of this trope.
  • Keet: Quagmire is always upbeat and energetic. Somewhat downplayed in later seasons, especially around Brian.
  • Kindhearted Cat Lover: One of his most consistent character traits (aside from the sex) is that he loves cats. He's had at least two (one of whom was killed by Peter in a prank gone wrong), and couldn't resist turning a transcontinental flight to Alaska back to Rhode Island just because he heard that a neighbourhood cat was about to give birth.
  • Knight Templar Big Brother: Murdered his sister's abusive boyfriend.
  • Ladykiller in Love: With Joan and Cheryl Tiegs.
  • Large Ham: Until about Season 5
  • Last-Name Basis: The only one who actually calls him "Glenn" is Lois.
  • Leitmotif: Has his own theme song
    He's Quagmire, Quagmire
    You never really know what he's gonna do next
    He's Quagmire, Quagmire
    "Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-Let's have sex!"
  • Laser-Guided Karma: Zig Zagged. Getting your manhood bitten off by a shark is spot on comeuppance for a notorious womanizer/rapist. He did, however, receive a transplant and is able to have sex again, albeit with an unattractive penis with an unusually large mole that is off-putting to many women. It's apparently quite painful for him to urinate with his new member as well.
  • Lovable Sex Maniac: When he's not being the Kavorka Man
  • Moral Myopia: In recent seasons he's gained a far more prudish and sometimes outright preachy and self righteous attitude towards the immoral antics of others around him, especially Peter and Brian. He's still a gleeful pervert and rapist though.
  • Never My Fault: Quagmire tries to blame his mother for him being the womanizer he is. Brian calls him out on it, though being Brian, it doesn't faze Quagmire remotely.
  • No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: See Roaring Rampage of Revenge below.
  • No Sympathy: During Brian's funeral, unlike everyone else attending, he spends it watching a Red Sox game on his cellphone.
  • Not So Different: Pointed out in "Tiegs For Two" regarding Brian. When he reaches similar petty lengths to spite Brian, even using his old girlfriend to get back at him, the girls complain about using them and acting like children. In the DVD edit, Quagmire gets on a pedestal and gloats to Brian about this before they point out they were referring to both of them.
  • Older Than They Look: Quagmire claims to be 61 years old, though he appears to be the same age as Peter, Joe, and Cleveland. Considering the show's nature, he may or may not be telling the truth. Which leads to a bit of Fridge Horror when you remember that he was at Peter's prom, considering he's 20 years older than Peter and Lois.
  • One-Hour Work Week: Has a job as an airline pilot, although he is rarely seen at work. Justified, as pilots often have nonstandard work schedules.
  • Parental Incest: Wants to have sex with his daughter, and has sex with his mother. He drew the line at sex with his transgendered father. Sonja forced him anyway.
  • Papa Wolf: He does genuinely care for his sister Brenda's well being, and is willing to even murder her fiancee if it at least stops said fiancee from harming her permanently. Not that said fiancee didn't deserve it. He barely contains his fury at Brian for accidentally mistaking his niece for a boy, as she lost all her hair through chemotherapy. One gets the impression that if it wasn't Christmas and they were in line to see Santa, Quagmire would have beaten the living daylights out of Brian.
  • Passive-Aggressive Kombat: His feud with Brian, when not flat out violent rage, is usually this, especially since Brian has started hating him back. They both thrive on heckling each other and calling out each other's hypocrisies.
  • The Peeping Tom: Often. In one episode he is charged with peeping in the ladies'room.
  • Pet the Dog: Meg seems to be the only one to bring out his somewhat noble aspects. There's also his sister Brenda.
  • The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Quagmire's a pilot, a fact only occasionally brought up in the later half of the series.
  • Practically Different Generations: Given how he's Older Than They Look and really irresponsible, some of his illegitimate children have a large gap in age. Two episodes feature and infant and 18 year old daughter of his, and a Cutaway Gag reveals he has an adult son in Madrid.
  • Really Gets Around: Definitely! Loretta even exploits this in the episode "The Cleveland Loretta Quagmire" when she chose Quagmire to have an affair with, knowing that Quagmire is all too willing to have sex with anybody.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: In the episode "Jerome is the New Black," Quagmire gives a spectacular one to Brian, who has spent the entire episode trying to be his friend. It helps that the points he makes are quite valid as they were based on complaints viewers had been making about Brian for a good while.
    Quagmire: OK. I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife, the man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death, and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing — you're always like "Ooh, I'll get you later," but later never comes. And what really bothers me, is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, but all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of The Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some 7th Grade interpretation about Holden Caulfield is some profound intellectual, he wasn't. He was a SPOILED BRAT. And that's why you like him so much -- he's YOU. GOD, you're pretentious. (brimming with indignation) And you delude yourself by thinking you're a great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note... She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite." And what I think I hate most about you, is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "Legalize Pot, maaan..." How big business is crushing the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America... Well what have YOU done to help?! I work down at the Soup Kitchen, Brian... Never seen YOU down there... You wanna help? GRAB A LADLE. And by the way, driving a Prius does not make you Jesus Christ. Oh, WAIT — you don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter... Because "religion is for idiots." Well who the HELL are YOU to talk down to anyone?! You failed college TWICE, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father — how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that...all of it...if you weren't such a BORE. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic BORE. Sigh... Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.
    • Both he and Brian have hand something of Escalating The Reason You Suck Speeches onto each other in "Tiegs for Two". After Brian labels him half polish, they instead decide to just kick each other's asses.
  • Refuge in Audacity: Many of his rants (see Self-Deprecation and "The Reason You Suck" Speech). In addition to the other examples under this character sheet, Quagmire has complained about never being given his own spinoff unlike Cleveland, to which Peter in response lampshades that Quagmire is a convicted rapist.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The Red Oni to Brian and Cleveland's Blue Oni.
  • Redemption Rejection: In "Brian the Closer" Quagmire actually offers a moment of begrudged sympathy towards Brian, offering him to clinic to fix his shattered teeth. Brian seems to get his life in shape by becoming a realty salesman, and throughout the episode Quagmire slowly becomes more affable and trusting to his old nemesis, even taking his offer to buy a condominium, not knowing that by that point the job has went to Brian's head and he has scammed him into wasting his money on a broken down shack. Upon discovering, Quagmire's hatred for Brian is fully reignited and he knocks Brian's teeth out to an even worse state than before.
  • Relative Button: Safe his mother, he becomes incredibly violent toward any perceived slight done to his family, which Brian accidentally press a lot.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: When he aggressively beats the living daylights out of Brian:
    Quagmire: "If I ever see you anywhere near my house, I'll BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF!!! NOW LAY THERE AND DIE, YA PIECE OF CRAP!!!"
  • Running Gagged: Quagmire's hatred of Brian between the eighth and ninth seasons, with Brian frequently triggering Quagmire's wrath by inadvertantly offending him somehow. This gag last appeared a heated fight in "Tiegs For Two" with only much more subdued disagreements between them since.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: "Giggity-giggity-giggity-gone!"
  • Serial Rapist: What he does for a living.
  • Series Continuity Error: Quagmire is shocked to find that he has an infant daughter, yet "Peter's Got Woods" revealed that Quagmire actually knows he has illegitimate children somewhere in the world (including a 20-year-old Spanish man who lives with his mom, a kindergarten class with children that are biologically his, and twin strippers best descibed as "Quagmire after a sex change operation"). Then again, he could have been shocked that someone actually stuck him with the kid rather than care for it herself.
  • Self-Deprecation: Later in the show, he starts voicing multiple critisms from fans, including jibes at Peter's Jerkass antics, darkly offensive humor and the excessive use of Conway Twitty. Nearly everything Brian says or does around him manages to piss him off. Arguably also played for irony, since the person chosen to voice against such standards is, well, Quagmire.
  • Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Has definitely become this against Brian. Originally a one-sided animosity early on against him, Brian has gradually given more retaliation to Quagmire's bitterness towards him, reaching to the point of a rather even handedly vicious Escalating War in "Tiegs For Two" where it had died down, until it re-exploded full circle in "Brian the Closer" and has since perked up in some light verbal spats. Though with how insufferable Brian has become, it's understandable.
  • Stalker with a Crush: He may go after any attractive woman that catches his eye, but several episodes show that he has a unhealthy obsession with Lois.
  • STD Immunity: Averted; it's stated in multiple episodes that Quagmire has contracted a variety of venereal diseases.
  • Took a Level in Badass: When he took on his sister's abusive boyfriend in "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q", and rammed him into a tree with his car!
  • Took a Level in Cynic: Become noticeably more curmudgeonly and prudish in later seasons. Not that he was any less aware of the Crapsack World around him before, he just rolled with it.
  • Unsportsmanlike Gloating: Glen is.....intense when it comes to sports. Bowling and golf have shown to bring out the worst in him.
  • Unstoppable Rage: He was not pleased when Brian slept with his Transsexual dad.
  • With Friends Like These...: Lusts after Peter's wife and daughter, broke into his house to viciously assault his dog, destroyed Cleveland's first marriage by having an affair with Loretta, and is guilty of virtually every sex crime in the book, to the apparent knowledge of Joe, a police officer. It's a wonder he still has a social life.
  • Writers Cannot Do Math: This is a deliberately implausible retcon that's played for laughs. Quagmire was stated to be born in 1946 (1948 on the DVD) but, in "Fist Full of Meg", he said he went to high school in 1986, when he would be at least forty. On top of that he's shown, in previous episodes, to be an older adult and serving in the Navy in 1988.
  • You Are What You Hate: See Hypocrite and He Who Fights Monsters.
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Brown House

    Cleveland Brown 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Cleveland_Brown_6354.png

A caving guy that talks slow due to a head trauma. Is now divorced from his wife for being too nice, and, for a while, moved to his hometown of Stoolbend, Virginia after marrying his high school crush. Voiced by Mike Henry.

See Also: —> The Cleveland Show

Associated Tropes:

  • Berserk Button: Racism. Especially, saying the word.
  • Big Fun: He's a barrel-belly full of laughs.
  • Black Best Friend: To Peter on both the show.
  • Black Dude Dies First: First main character to be killed off in the "Stewie Kills Lois/Lois Kills Stewie" special, not counting Lois' death fake out, that happened in part one.
  • The Bore: Cleveland occasionally drones on and on, about pointless nonsense, boring his friends to death. In "Peter's Def Jam", Cleveland wasted the entire first episode of their podcast, yapping about getting gum stuck to his shoe.
  • Broken Bird: After getting dumped by Loretta.
    • In "A House Full of Peters", he was crying on the toiler, because his show was cancelled.
  • Brutal Honesty: Cleveland is usually the one to bluntly deliver news, that nobody wants to hear.
    Cleveland: Oh, Meg is my least favorite of all your kids.
  • Bumbling Dad: To Junior, Rallo, and Roberta.
  • The Bus Came Back: Came back in Season 12 now that his show has been cancelled.
  • Butt-Monkey: His house is often destroyed by Peter's shenanigans.
  • Catchphrase: Has quite a handful: "Party over here!", "Oh, that's nasty.", "No, no, no, no, no, NO!!!", "And Boom Goes the Dynamite", and "Mmmm, my word", just to name a few.
  • Character Development: Zig-zagged. When he got his own show, he grew immensely as a character, as he was given more screen time to shine and we learned a lot about his backstory. When he came back to Family Guy, not only was he sidelined, but he was pretty much entirely devoid of character, and reduced to a one-dimensional stereotype.
  • Depending on the Writer: Cleveland from Family Guy is a completely different person than Cleveland from The Cleveland Show.
  • Disney Death: In the Season 6 finale, "Lois Kills Stewie", He was shot dead by Stewie Griffin, and went to Heaven. However, the end of the episode, proved for the whole special to just be a computer simulation, making all main characters deaths in this episode, completely fake.
  • Early-Bird Cameo: Had a background cameo in the courtroom scene of the unaired pilot episode.
  • Easily Forgiven: When Loretta cheated on him with his own best friend and dumped him. He didn't even raise an eyebrow at Quagmire or Loretta.
  • Extreme Doormat: Cleveland's extreme doormat personality became a plot point in one episode, where it caused his wife, Loretta, to cheat on him with Quagmire because Cleveland wasn't passionate at all. Peter tries to teach Cleveland to get angry and it worked so well that Cleveland wanted to murder Quagmire. Cleveland manages to regain control of himself and, while he is still the doormat in his own show, he isn't as bad as he used to be.

    Loretta Brown 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/loretta_1_2673.jpg

Cleveland's ex-wife who left him after he discovered she had an affair with Quagmire. Voiced by Alex Borstein.

Associated Tropes:

  • Fat Bitch: Is a complete bitch to Cleveland and even cheated on him.
  • Flat Character: She seemed to exist only for the sake of being Cleveland's wife, and even the writers themselves admitted that she wasn't very interesting. This (along with Alex Borstein being tired of voicing her) lead to her being removed from the series.
  • Intolerable Tolerance: When Cleveland calls her out on cheating, she scolds him that he has been neglecting her. He apologizes for that, she scolds him again for being such a doormat, and dumps him.
  • Jerkass: She gets everything in the divorce, and leaves Cleveland completely out of her will, even though she was the one who cheated on him it makes it less tragic when she gets killed. And before that she was still generally rude and callous.
    • She even continues beyond the grave, after leaving everything to Cleveland Jr. she made sure he isn't allowed to give even a penny to his father.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: In one episode on the other hand, Loretta expresses shame and remorse for what she did to Cleveland. She even goes as far as to try to get him back, but Cleveland tells her to move on and be happy.
  • Killed Off for Real: Accidentally by Peter in The Cleveland Show.
  • Sassy Black Woman: Complete with plenty of head-bobbing and "mmm-hmm!s"
  • Your Cheating Heart: With Quagmire. The reason why she and Cleveland divorced.

    Cleveland Brown, Jr. 
Debut: Love Try Trophy

Cleveland's hyperactive son, that is, until his appearance and personality was completely overhauled for The Cleveland Show, turning him into a fat, wimpy nerd.

See Also: —> The Cleveland Show


  • Ambiguous Disorder: His earlier self appeared to have A.D.H.D., given his hyperactivity and inability to stay focused on anything.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: When Peter shot in him "A Shot in the Dark", Junior made a horrifying threat to Peter, that he'd be "coming for his ass". Whether or not he was joking is still unclear.
    Junior: Mr. Griffin?
    Peter: Yeah?
    Junior: Just so you know, [suddenly dark] I'm gunna be coming for your ass.
    Peter: [scared] Wh-what's that, now?
    Junior: I'm saying, it's on. You ever feel the cool steel of a switchblade, pressed against your temple?
    [beat, lingering on Peter's fear]
    Junior: [chuckles] Hey, Mr. Griffin, I'm just kidding. [suddenly dark] Or am I? You're gunna wonder about that, you fat bitch. [delightful] See you later!
  • The Bus Came Back: After a long absence in Family Guy, Cleveland Junior finally returned as a major character, when The Cleveland Show started.
  • Catchphrase: His older self said "I'm (famous person)!" a lot, as he was a fan of playing pretend, like he was a famous or historical person such as Tiger Woods, Abraham Lincoln, or Daniel Boone.
    • In "The Cleveland Show", the phrase "I'm Tiger Woods" was quoted, whenever there was a callback to his old self, making this the standard version of the varying catchphrase.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: In earlier seasons, Junior is portrayed as a young, skinny little boy, with a much higher pitched voice. He is characterized by his jumping around and hyperactivity.
  • Fat Comic Relief: Like in The Cleveland Show, most of the jokes surrounding Cleveland Junior are about his weight.
    Cleveland: We gotta special order Cleveland Junior's pants from a company that manufactures grill covers.
  • Forgettable Character: In "Nanny Goats", Natalie steals Cleveland's car and drives off with it. Cleveland is relieved to know that he made it out, safe and sound, before remembering his son was in the back seat.
    Junior: Daddy?
  • Frame-Up: When testifying before court, after Peter shot him, Junior was painted as a criminal, with very faulty evidence to back up the statement. Yet, people believed him and he got sent to jail.
  • Genki Girl: Junior was a bit of a "Genki Guy", in the early seasons.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Appeared less and less throughout the first three seasons, before going completely absent for a while. He wasn't even present in "The Cleveland Loretta Quagmire", which involved his own parents getting divorced. When The Cleveland Show happened, Junior had a swinging comeback, and was given tons of personality, purpose, and closure to the story of his parents' divorce. Since the show's cancellation, he's still prominently featured in Family Guy, and even has a few episodes focusing on him.

    Donna Tubbs-Brown 
Cleveland's second wife, replacing Loretta. She was introduced in The Cleveland Show.

See Also: —> The Cleveland Show


  • Awful Wedded Life: She had problems with Cleveland, much like her friends and their husbands. So, she and the other wives signed them up for a relationship building vacation, where she complained to Cleveland about how she wishes that he would help her around the house more often.
  • Black Best Friend: To Lois.
  • Break-Up/Make-Up Scenario: She and Lois got into one of these in "He's Bla-ack!", where Lois got mad at Donna for spanking Chris, when he wasn't her child. Donna thought it was perfectly fine to punish someone else's child, and responded to her complaint with backlash. She and Lois forbade their husbands to hang out too. This went on for a while, until their husbands finally told them "No" and entered a three-legged race together, making Lois and Donna realize, they should stop this silly argument and just become friends again.
  • Broken Bird: Throughout the first three seasons of The Cleveland Show, Donna never knew her own mother (Dee Dee Tubbs). It wasn't until "Mama Drama", when she was finally reunited with her, and all was well with the world. However, this didn't last too long, as in the Family Guy episode "Candy Quahog Marshallow!", Cleveland mentioned that her mom killed herself, taking Donna's already rocky and extremely short relationship with her mother, and ending it off with a tragedy.
  • Convenient Replacement Character: Eventually came around as a convenient replacement character for Cleveland's ex-wife, Loretta Brown.
  • Demoted to Extra: After The Cleveland Show was cancelled, and she moved to Quahog, Donna became nothing more than "Cleveland's wife" and "Lois' black friend".
  • Domestic Abuse: Donna spanked Cleveland on the penis, for hanging out with Peter.
  • Forbidden Friendship: In "He's Bla-ack!", Donna forbade Cleveland to hang out with Peter anymore, because of a fight she got into with Lois.
  • Forgettable Character: Peter doesn't bother to remember her name. In "A Shot in the Dark", he mistook her name for "Latkisha".
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: Peter doesn't hold her in high regard, as seen in "Take My Wife". Cleveland and Donna were hooded and taken into the woods, where two gunshots were heard.
    Lois: [terrified] Oh my God!
    Peter: [optimistic] Now, don't worry. They could have just shot Donna twice.
  • Greed: In "Family Guy Lite", Donna started by sneaking a few snacks at Lois' book club, and eventually got to the point, where she dumped the entire plate into her purse.
  • Jerkass: Donna prank called Cleveland, and insulted him, during a time, wherein she knew he would be crying on the toilet.
  • No Respect Guy: Donna joined Lois' story writing club in "Family Guy Lite", but never followed through with writing a story, as instructed. She flatly told Lois this the following week, much to Lois' appal. As such, Lois told Donna that she was not allowed to eat any more of the snacks she prepared. Seconds later, Donna grabbed some cookies and started eating them, right in front of Lois' face. She kept on doing this for a while, before she finally decided to just dump the entire plate of cookies into her purse and take it home with her, all without raising an eyebrow.
  • Redeeming Replacement: Donna is agreed on as a far better wife to Cleveland than Loretta was, despite her shortcomings.
  • Salt and Pepper: Her friendship with Lois.
  • The Unfettered: Donna had no problem spanking Chris, 'til his butt got a rash, after he broke her grandmother's vase. Lois scolded her for punishing someone else's child, but Donna stood her ground, saying that it was the right thing to do.
  • Verbal Tic: Added "arrhea" (as in "diarrhea") to the end of her words in one episode.
    Bonnie: Well, that's clearly not true.
    Donna: Yeah. That boy's got liar-rhea.
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    Roberta Tubbs 
Cleveland's bratty teenage stepdaughter. She was introduced in The Cleveland Show.

See Also: —> The Cleveland Show


  • Absentee Actor: In "The Splendid Source", Roberta was the only member of The Brown-Tubbs Family not to make a full appearance (she is seen from behind), while The Griffins visited them in Stoolbend.
  • Age-Gap Romance: While Cleveland repaired his old home, the Tubbs side of the family needed a place to live. Quagmire volunteered to let Roberta stay at his house. We all know where this is going. Nobody ever stopped Quagmire, and Roberta didn't even flinch, and given her sexual promiscuity on her previous show, it's obvious what they did, during her stay there.
  • Demoted to Extra: She used to be a main cast member in The Cleveland Show, but since she moved to Family Guy, she's just been a background character with pretty much no purpose, whatsoever.
  • Flat Character: Does nothing at all, now that she's been sidelined.
  • Generic Guy: It's even been joked how generic she is on the show.
    [Cleveland and Peter talk about something Roberta did]
    Peter: I always forget. Is Roberta your wife or your daughter?
    Cleveland: I don't know, man.
  • The Voiceless: To date, she hasn't had a single line in Family Guy.

    Rallo Tubbs 
Cleveland's rowdy, street-smart stepson. He was introduced in The Cleveland Show.

See Also: —> The Cleveland Show


Swanson House

    Joe Swanson 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/190px-Joe_Swanson_7657.png

A paraplegic cop that lost the ability to walk after falling off of an orphanage roof during a pursuit. Has a wife, Bonnie, who was pregnant for almost ten years. Voiced by Patrick Warburton.

Associated Tropes:

  • Artistic License – Biology: His paralysis is often treated as a problem with his legs rather than his spine. One episode had him get back on his feet with a leg transplant, only to re-cripple himself by shooting himself in the back.
    • In the Retcon of his origin, he is explicitly shown being shot multiple times in the legs, but not the spine, rendering all the impotence and incontinence jokes nonsensical.
  • Artistic License – Physics: In the interest of humor, the show sometimes fudges its depiction of how Joe's disability impacts his life. In the title sequence, Joe lifts his legs with his arms in order to perform the kicks along with everyone else. He's been depicted pushing himself down a flight of stairs in his wheelchair. At home, Joe takes out the trash by putting on a special pair of "hand shoes," bearing weight through his arms, and carrying the full trash bag on his bottom.
  • Ax-Crazy: Downplayed Trope, but present. In one case, when he couldn't finish a steak, he lost his temper, shot the steak and nearly shot his friends in an Unstoppable Rage.
  • Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Crippletron.
  • Barbie Doll Anatomy: In one episode where Bonnie is changing his diaper, Joe has no penis. However, she does mention that she has to put it on.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: If he's given the slightest excuse, Joe will kick your ass.
  • The Big Guy: Amongst Peter's circle of friends, Joe's the toughest and most physically capable.
  • The Bore: In spite of his Hot-Blooded moments, he has some incredibly dull tendencies, such as a complete inability to make small talk.
  • Butt-Monkey: He tends to get abused far more often than Peter's other friends.
  • Berserk Button: He really doesn't like being reminded of the limitations imposed on him by his disability.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Was able to beat up Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire at the same time when he wasn't crippled.
  • Depending on the Writer: Whether he can get an erection (although a line in one episode implies that he uses a strap-on).
    • In some episodes he's "a cop first and a buddy second" and will bust his friends or even family without hesitation. In others he'll look the other way to their various felonies or even join in himself.
    • In some episodes, he's a Handicapped Badass while in other episodes, his disability has made him barely able to take care of himself. Recent episodes, however, have him being portrayed more as the latter.
    • In some episodes, he's similarly depicted as a heroic cop who has the awe of his friends. In other cases, he's depicted as suicidal and as the runt of his friends.
  • Dirty Cop: Numerous examples, despite being good at his job, Depending on the Writer.
    • Almost always allows his close friends, most frequently Peter and Quagmire, to get away with everything, from abuse to pedophilia and beyond.
    • Seems to be aware of the rampant racism on the police force and not be especially bothered by it, even despite having a black man as a close friend.
    • Went along with Peter's idea to help Quagmire get his job back - namely, drug the pilots mid-flight so that Quagmire can save the plane when it starts to crash (Peter, and presumably Joe and Cleveland, spent time in a federal prison for hijacking for that one).
    • When he, Brian and Peter got annoyed with Quagmire's new pet cat, it was Joe who recommended breaking into Quagmire's house and shaving the cat - Peter accidentally skinned it instead, and Joe let them all get away with it.
    • Their arson of Goldman's Pharmacy (to help Mort Goldman collect an insurance settlement).
    • He also conspired to aid Quagmire in murdering his sister's abusive boyfriend, then covered it up. To be fair, the guy had it coming.
    • In "Welcome Back, Carter" he encourages Peter to blackmail Carter to give him stuff to ensure Peter does not blab on the affair. To reiterate, Joe is urging Peter to commit extortion, a major financial crime. Joe easily could have gone to jail for that one.
    • When he arrests Quagmire for statutory rape with an underage girl, Quagmire shares the photos he took of her to all his friends including Joe. You read that right, Joe technically received child pornography, and says all right to it?!! He doesn't even bother to add producing child pornography to the list of charges Quagmire faces.
  • Driven to Suicide: Joe's paraplegia (and the difficulty it causes him and his family) takes a tremendous toll on his emotional state and makes him sporadically suicidal. Several gags (mostly throwaways) play this for laughs as Joe casually attempts to kill himself or brings it up in conversation, and an entire Season-13 episode revolves around Joe deciding to end it for good.
    Quagmire: [changing Joe's diaper] You make your doo-doos, Joe?
    Joe: Shut up.
    Quagmire: You make your doo-doos?
    Joe: I said shut up!
    Quagmire: What's that in there? Doo-doos! They're stinky!
    Joe: [deadpan] Quagmire, how'd you like to help me commit suicide?
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: Since the show was uncancelled.
  • Handicapped Badass: In "Da Boom" he was partially vaporized leaving him stuck on his driveway unable to move around. A giant mutated rat comes along his response "bring it on!"
  • Heel–Face Revolving Door: In Family Guy Back to the Multiverse, sorta. He can be used and bought by Stewie or Brian at anytime, but is a boss in the Handicapped Level, and continues to be with Stewie and Brian upon being defeated.
  • Hot-Blooded: He screams almost all his lines.
  • Humongous Mecha: Again, Crippletron, where Joe along with dozens of people in wheelchairs form up into what's essentially a giant robot that only Joe himself can control. Never appeared since... until till the multiverse game.
  • Hypocrite: He often behaves like a Dirty Cop (see above), but he has the nerve to call out a Corrupt Hick sherriff for his bad behavior. Granted, he's not wrong, but it still smacks of Moral Myopia.
  • Jerkass Ball: In later seasons of the show, particularly "Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air", Where he celebrates finally being able to walk by abusing his friends, and leaving Bonnie. And it only took Bonnie to attempt to shoot him to re-cripple him.
  • Large Ham: The sexual thrill, THE SEXUAL THRILL!!
  • Muscles Are Meaningless: In the original episodes, not at all, but in recent episodes, he acts wimpy just because he's crippled, despite the fact that he has muscles.
  • Nice Guy: Joe is probably the closest the show has to your standard Nice Guy nowadays, particularly when interacting with the Griffins, although he's too aggressive and driven to fit the role exactly.
  • No Indoor Voice: Like you wouldn't believe.
  • Only Sane Man: Occasionally, depending on the episode.
  • The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: The 9th season premiere is the first time in years we've seen him actually do cop stuff. For the most part it's been dropped in favor of him being the Angry Wheelchair Dude.
  • The Power of Love: Subverted in the episode "Foreign Affairs". Bonnie goes to France in order to have an affair, and eventually, Lois tells Joe what's happening. He flies to France to get Bonnie back, and to prove his love for her, he stands up from his wheelchair and walks under his own power. Except it's actually Quagmire duct-taped to his back that's allowing him to walk.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: He's the Red to Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire's Blue Onis, think about that for a second.
  • Rubber Hose Limbs: His legs are occasionally shown to be ridiculously flexible.
  • Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!:
    • As an officer of the law, he's initially against Quagmire's plan to kill his sister's abusive boyfriend. But after seeing for himself what a monster the guy is, his immediate response is, "...Let's waste this dick."
    • In the Season 10 episode "Thanksgiving", we learn that several years ago, Joe let a thief go when it turned out the man was homeless and had stolen food in order to feed his family.
  • See You in Hell: The Grinch says this, tossing a roller skate at Joe. Joe slips on the roller skate and falls off a roof, becoming paralyzed.
  • Stepford Smiler: One episode recolved around him acting happier than usual. Turns out it was a facade & he was planning to kill himself.
  • Suddenly SHOUTING!: Joe is a rare combination of Deadpan Snarker and No Indoor Voice. 90% of the time, he's either shouting at the top of his lungs or speaking with a dull monotone. There's often no in-between with him, and he switches between the two without warning.
    Joe: [disguised as Lois] You ready to get some new notebooks and protractors and slacks?
    Chris: I want blue jeans.
    Joe: YOU'RE GETTING SLACKS!!!!

    Peter: Okay, well, I guess you can take my license. Of course, it's all the way up here. [holds driver's license above his own head where Joe can't reach]
    Joe: Peter, knock it off. Give it to me.
    Peter: Here you go, Officer.
    Joe: Give me the damn license.
    Peter: Having some trouble there?
    Joe: This is in poor taste, Peter. You're starting to piss me off.
    Peter: All you gotta do is take it.
    Joe: [gruffly] You're starting to PISS ME OFF! [bludgeons Peter in the gut with his nightstick]
  • Testosterone Poisoning: Prone to fits of violence and aggressive shouting.
  • Top-Heavy Guy: Which is of course Truth in Television for athletic individuals who are wheelchair-bound.
  • Would Hit a Girl: In the episode "Breaking Out Is Hard To Do," Joe punches Lois many times after he catches and arrests her for stealing, explaining that as a policeman he's not allowed to give women special treatment. She's very understanding of the whole situation.

    Bonnie Swanson 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/char_12229_8560.jpg

Joe's wife. Was pregnant for almost ten years. Later gave birth in Season 7. Voiced by Jennifer Tilly.

Associated Tropes:

  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing:
    • In one episode, she was gonna leave Joe and have an affair with a Frenchman, because she was "bored of Joe". A handicapped Frenchman at that. Joe convinced her to stay.
    • In "Go Stewie Go" she openly admitted to Lois that she had an affair and claimed it was "healthy for a woman to explore her sexuality", so this means she has cheated on Joe at least once before and attempted to do it again in Paris, but was only stopped that time because Joe showed up. However, in the latest episode, "Internal Affairs," Bonnie had been acting distant with Joe, leading him to cheat on her with a younger police officer. Upon finding out, she acted as if it was the worst attack on her and treated it as unforgivable until the end of the episode.
    • Joe did call Bonnie out on how she's become emotionally distant and bitter and cited the Paris incident as to one of the reasons why he did what he did, and rather than shift blame solely on of them, "Internal Affairs" showed that both of them have been unhappy for a long time and it's just gotten worse.
  • Bi the Way: When Cleveland asks her and Lois to kiss, they do so, only to discover that they like it and start passionately making out.
  • Embarrassing First Name: She reveals her legal first name to be Bonald in "The Heartbreak Dog."
  • Flanderization: Joe and Bonnie were originally madly in love, with Bonnie always thinking about how Joe's rugged enthusiasm and perseverance turned her on. Then as Joe slowly became shifted into a mostly one-dimensional cripple joke, Bonnie shifted into a long suffering, unhappy woman due to Joe's inability to walk with her bitchiness the result of how worn out she was. It's made even worse in "The Most Interesting Man in the World" and "Brian the Closer" where both episodes feature scenes which imply that she'd go as far as wanting Joe dead (other episodes like "The Blind Side" and "JOLO" also imply that Joe wants it as well, so it could be for his sake).
  • Happily Married: Originally. The two of them rarely had any arguments in the pre-cancellation seasons. In fact, Bonnie would openly gush about how much Joe still turned her on and what she would do to him the next time they were in bed. She never seemed to have any issue with helping Joe with his needs, either.
  • Hidden Buxom: Even in the loose dress she usually wears, her breasts are large enough that her cleavage is still visible. When her and the other neighborhood couples go on an island retreat, she dons a sports bra at the beach that reveals she is extremely busty. Lois herself also lampshades her cup size in another episode, accusing Bonnie of "putting out" with her breasts. When goes out with the girls and prank calls her husband, she wears a dress with a deep v-neck that shows off her ample cleavage as well.
  • Hypocrite: In later seasons but there's at least two instances that stand out.
    • In And I'm Joyce Kinney, she calls Lois a slut, despite the fact that she's had relations with men other than Joe
    • In Internal Affairs, she's upset when Joe has affair, despite her going to Paris in Foreign Affairs to sleep with other men. Actually, in the previous season, she's implied she's had affairs before.
  • Ink-Suit Actor: Subtle but some of her appearance calls to mind her voice actress.
  • Longest Pregnancy Ever: Finally resolved in Season 7. It's even lampshaded on more than a few occasions. Case in point:
    Bonnie: I don't want to bring a new baby into the world with [Glenn Quagmire] running around!
    Peter: Okay, first off, Bonnie, you've been pregnant for, what, six years? Either have the baby or don't!
  • Mama Bear: Shown to be one in the Thanksgiving episode; when Joe was trying to escort their son Kevin to jail, she objects to him and orders him to allow Kevin to explain his reason for deserting the military.
  • Older Than They Look: One episode says she's 46
  • Mum Looks Like a Sister: Doesn't look much older than her now-adult son Kevin.
  • Took a Level in Jerkass: As part of her Flanderization.
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    Kevin Swanson 
Debut: "A Hero Sits Next Door"

Joe Swanson and Bonnie Swanson's son, who ended up dying in Iraq. Voiced by Seth Macfarlane and by Scott Grimes once he returns to the show. In the thanksgiving special, he is revealed to have not died in Iraq.

Associated Tropes:

  • Chuck Cunningham Syndrome / Demoted to Extra: Kevin appeared in the first 3 seasons, then just disappeared for years, though he had a few non speaking cameos. Years later after his last speaking role Peter questioned about his disappearance out of curiosity. Joe explained Kevin died as a soldier in Iraq with hardly any emotion.
  • Disney Death: It turns out he wasn't actually dead.
  • Flat Character: The reason why he was ultimately killed off. However, the producers brought him back when they found a way to make him more interesting.
  • Love Interest: He and Meg have dated briefly; although every time they get time together, something usually happens to interrupt them.
  • Put on a Bus to Hell: In "Stew-Roids" Peter asked what happened to Kevin, and Joe coldly replied he died in Iraq.
  • Screw This, I'm Out of Here!: Since he could no longer tolerate the bloodshed of the Iraq war, he decided to leave the military. Though his father initially decides to arrest him, he realizes that though his actions were technically illegal he had understandable reasons to do so and lets him go.
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: Downplayed, after his appearance in Thanksgiving

    Susie Swanson 
Debut: "Ocean's Three and a Half"

Joe and Bonnie's baby daughter, who has the voice of Patrick Stewart in her head.


  • Action Girl: Kicked the crap out of Stewie for trying to steal her doll in "Stew-Roids".
  • Ambiguously Gay: Peter called her a lesbian in one episode. It's most likely this is just Peter's offensive stupidity, but she's never proven to be straight either. On top of that, she didn't return Stewie's love for her, she kicked his ass like a tomboy, and she has the voice of a male in her head.
    • Not to mention, there was a gag in one episode, where she greatly enjoyed breastfeeding off of Meg, while her Patrick Stewart voice made some kind of pervacious comment.
    Susie: This feels right, but it tastes like a dirty penny.
  • Brainy Baby: Susie has the deep intellect of Patrick Stewart.
  • Berserk Button: Don't you dare steal her toys.
    • Also, a deleted scene in one episode showed her shooting Stewie with a gun, when he was on the brink of killing her father.
    Susie: Not on my watch.
  • Early-Bird Cameo: Before she was born in "Ocean's Three and a Half", Susie technically made a cameo in "Lethal Weapons". Peter listened to Bonnie's pregnant belly to feel for the baby's kick, and the shape of a little foot formed in Bonnie's belly, (from Susie), and gave Peter a painful black eye, when she kicked him.
  • Fourth-Wall Observer: She is aware that she's in a TV show, and always has been. Most of the time, when she's on screen, she's breaking the fourth wall to talk to the audience.
    Susie: This is Patrick Stewart here. How are you enjoying the episode, so far?
  • I Was Beaten by a Girl: The girl to Stewie's "I" in one episode.
  • Inner Monologue: Susie only talks, via Patrick Stewart's voice, in her inner monologue.
  • Long-Lost Relative: Kevin went missing a while before she was born, she didn't meet him for the first time, until "Thanksgiving".
  • Obfuscating Stupidity: She pretends to be a typical baby, but in her head, she actually thinks deeply profound thoughts, comparable to Stewie's, in the voice of Patrick Stewart.
  • Thinking Tic: Most of the time, when she thinks, she tilts her head back and smiles at the camera.
  • Vocal Dissonance: She, a tiny girl baby, has the deep voice of an adult male in her head.

Herbert House

    John Herbert 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/herbert_1.jpg
Debut: "To Love and Die in Dixie"

The local pedophile who lusts after Chris. Voiced by Mike Henry.

Associated Tropes:

  • Affably Evil: As Stewie puts it "Well, there's a pedophile up the street that nobody seems to be doing anything about, but it's mainly because he's so funny".
  • Beware the Silly Ones: Because he's so old and feeble, it's easy to laugh at his lusting after young boys, since it's obvious he can't physically do anything to them in his extreme age. Except some episodes show he's actually a lot more vital than his habitual use of a walker suggests; in one episode, he reveals he's got a tricked-car designed to mimic an ice-cream van, whilst in "Point of Stew", he's shown casually doing an Underside Ride for the school bus.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Downplayed, in that whilst he's normally very affectionate and friendly, if he gets frustrated, he'll sometimes revert to cursing and spiteful words. For example, when he meets Chris on his mail route and, after trying to coax him down to the basement for "popsicles" fails, he glowers at Chris's retreating back and whispers for him to "get (your) fat ass back here". In another episode, after returning from having been away, the Griffins find the phone's message bank full of messages from Herbert asking when Chris will be back, which devolves from coyly pleading for his return to flatly stating that "you're starting to piss me off, you little piggly son-of-a-bitch".
  • Camp Gay: Downplayed, but he speaks in a very high, falsetto voice, which is an old stereotype of gay men and campy portrayals thereof.
  • Dirty Old Man: Is an elderly pedophile that shows up from time to time just to say creepy stuff in his distinctive voice, usually to an unwary – or perhaps wary – Chris Griffin. Like the "Greased-up Deaf Guy", he was a one note gag character that was simply too offensively funny to not bring back. He'd never be funny if he wasn't so old and feeble.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Called Brian a pervert for wanting to legalize gay marriage, despite himself being a pedophile.
  • Intergenerational Friendship: Despite lusting after Chris, he's perfectly happy to consider the boy as his friend, even if nothing else comes of it.
  • Karma Houdini: In spite of the fact that he isn't outright malicious or venomous, he is still a pedophile and while he's never been shown doing those things on screen, he still gets away with soliciting sex from young boys and most importantly no ones ever found out he's been stalking Chris, though Stewie seems to explain things it in "Spies Reminiscent of Us":
    Dan Aykroyd: Are there any local residents whom you've seen acting strangely?
    Stewie: Well, there's a pedophile up the street that nobody seems to be doing anything about, but it's mainly because he's so funny.
  • Laser-Guided Karma: Whilst Herbert never gets anything resembling a realistic reaction for his pedophilia, the show does occasionally give him some comedic karma. For example, during the episode where he's asked to babysit the Griffon kids, he informs them that it's his bath day and he needs some help washing up, obviously intended to get bathed by Chris. Instead, Meg starts washing him instead. In another episode, he goes to a racing track and tries to hit on a jockey, who informs him that he's actually 48 years old — this leaves a ticked-off Herbert complaining that the whole place is a "giant mindf*k".
  • Last-Name Basis: Only revealed to have the first name of John 8 seasons after he appeared.
  • No, You: In one episode, Herbert (somehow) ends up asked to babysit the Griffon kids whilst Peter & Louis are away. When Meg complains that she's a 17-year-old girl and doesn't need Herbert here, Herbert responds that, as a 17-year-old girl, he doesn't need her there.
  • Outside Ride: In "Point of Stew", whilst Stewie is caught hitching a ride under Brian's car, he has a brief encounter with Herbert doing the same thing to a school bus. The elderly man simply comments that it's a nice day for it, making it clear that he's doing this for fun.
  • Papa Wolf: Granted, his intentions are a bit... unsavory regarding Chris, but it's generally not a good idea to threaten or harm the boy when Herbert's around.
  • Refuge in Audacity: The entire concept of his character. Especially given that he first appeared in the third season, back when the show was a lot tamer than it is now. In one episode, Herbert actually begs God for the chance to sniff Chris's hat as Chris and Peter walk away, claiming that it's all he wants. A miraculous gust of wind then sweeps Chris's hat right into his hands, where Herbert sniffs it with relish and then darkly declares that "now (I) want more".
  • Retired Badass: Served in World War II, and survived a concentration camp. Rescues Chris and Peter from a former Nazi he encountered back in World War II.
  • Stalker with a Crush: To Chris, at least until he realizes that being with Chris wasn't going to work out.
  • Straight Gay: Aside from his Camp Gay voice and his obvious lust for Chris (and other young boys), he doesn't act especially camp.
  • Those Wacky Nazis: Was a prisoner of war in Dachau concentration camp after being shot down in World War 2 — he's not Jewish, like the Goldmans, he was sent there because they easily deduced he was gay (the wallet full of photos of little boys didn't help). Played for laughs in that his "hard labor" there was sorting out the old soda bottles from the camp's junk to be recycled, where the dregs would spill over his hands and make them all sticky.
  • Two First Names: Both "John" and "Herbert" are names commonly used as a person's first name, which is why the reveal that "Herbert" is actually his last name in season 11 was a surprise.
  • Uncatty Resemblance: His elderly dog, Jesse, shares most of his physical traits, right down to his Verbal Tic.
  • Verbal Tic: He seems to whistle through his teeth with speaking, and he often hums contemplatively or mournfully.

Goldman House

    Neil Goldman 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/5656745675_6842.jpg
Debut: "Let's Go to the Hop"

The school nerd and classmate of Meg, whom he has a crush on. Son of Mort. Voiced by Seth Green.

Associated Tropes:

  • Abhorrent Admirer: To Meg, who keeps rejecting him.
  • Aroused by Their Voice: When he takes out his retainer, he has a deep, pleasing voice.
  • Casanova Wannabe: In "Fistful of Meg," he tells a bully that he has "the scoop on the local babe scene." Additionally, it is revealed in "The Kiss Seen 'Round the World" that he is delusional and oblivious to the fact that his appearance is reviled by everyone (even his own father), believing himself to be "eye candy."
  • Demoted to Extra:
    • Used to appear a lot in the second through fourth seasons. However, after the show was brought back, he only gets occasional cameos, and spends entire seasons without being seen or even mentioned, even in situations where he should be.
    • He appeared again in the Season 10 episode "You Can't Do That On Television, Peter!" However, he has about 2 lines tops and had no effect on the plot.
    • After two cameos in Season 11 (one in the DVD version of "Friends Without Benefits" and a non-speaking one in "Road to Vegas"), he appeared in three Season 12 episodes (including two more speaking roles) and was mentioned in a third, which is sadly more attention than he has received in one season since Season 4.
    • He was the focus of the subplot of Season 13's "Once Bitten" where he pretends to be friends with Chris in order to get closer to Meg. It ends with him feeing bad about using Chris and apologizes to him while leaving Meg behind and seemingly ending his crush on her for good. Since then, he's gone back to appearing on a semi-regular basis often sharing scenes with Chris.
  • Dogged Nice Guy: Debatable. Some of the things he did to try and win Meg affection were underhanded and downright depraved.
  • Extraverted Nerd: He's outgoing and laid-back.
  • Jerkass Ball: While he isn't as bad as Chris, Junior, or even Steve, there are times where can be a bit of an asshole. A particularly shocking example is in "Follow the Money" where he tells his late mother than she can rot in Hell while apathetically dumping money on a park bench dedicated to her.
  • Jewish and Nerdy: His father is very Jewish, and Neil is the school nerd.
  • Like Father, Like Son: Played straight in appearance, but definitely not in personality. Neil looks just like his dad, but unlike his dad (who's mostly neurotic), he's an outgoing, laid-back guy who thinks he's God's gift to women.
  • Missing Mom: Muriel was killed by Diane Simmons in the Season 9 premiere. Though as mentioned above, "Follow the Money" implies that he doesn't even seem to care that she's no longer alive.

    Mort Goldman 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/mort_goldman_7579.jpg
Debut: "The Kiss Seen Around the World"

The owner of Goldman's pharmacy. A walking Jewish stereotype. Voiced by John G. Brennan.

Associate Tropes:

  • Ascended Extra: He first appeared as a bit character in season three, a whole season after his son first debuted. He later went on to become a Sixth Ranger of sorts to Peter's group of friends, and now has more appearances under his belt than his son.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: He may act nerdy but he's not afraid to stand up for himself.
  • Expy: Of The Jerky Boys character Sol Rosenberg, also voiced by Brennan, and more indirectly Woody Allen, who is portrayed nearly identically to Mort in both his appearance and voice in "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein."
  • Good Parents: He's a good father to his only son Neil. His wife was also a good mother to Neil until she was Killed Off for Real.
  • Greedy Jew: Mort takes this trope to its extreme and then some. In the episode "And Then There Were Fewer", he forgives his wife Muriel, on the spot, for illegally selling prescription drugs when he finds out she overcharged the buyer. In "Burning Down the Bayit", he literally cannot understand what it means to have a Buy One, Get One Free promotion (until the logic is applied in the context of a different store that he doesn't own, at which point he gets it). Mort's also been shown to go weeks without so much as opening his wallet.
  • Jewish Complaining: In some of the earlier seasons but he does this. In one such instance, he went so far as to write an angry letter to Ritz over smashed crackers.
  • Look-Alike Lovers: With Muriel.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: His reaction when Cleveland returns to Quahog and he tells Mort he can't be in the opening as a backup dancer anymore.
  • Strongly Worded Letter: He apparently writes angry letters to companies all the time, demanding compensation for the smallest things, as revealed in a cutaway gag where he writes a letter to Ritz Crackers (and not for the first time, either) just because some of the crackers in the box he bought were broken.
  • Terrified of Germs: Among many other things

    Muriel Goldman 
Mort's wife and Neil's mother

Associated Tropes

  • Doting Parent: One episode implies she was this, as she'd put on Neil's feet pajamas and that her record was 28 second
  • Greedy Jew: Downplayed but, according to Burning Down the Bayit, she could run the pharmacy so well was because she'd "rob them [customers] blind" when they were distracted.
  • He Knew Too Much: She walked in Diane trying to plant the evidence.
  • Killed Off for Real: In And Then Were Fewer, courtesy of Diane
  • Look-Alike Lovers: And it's not just in looks but also in some of her mannerisms that she's a female Mort.
  • The Lost Lenore: We see that Mort very much missed her after Diane killed her.

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