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Characters / Das Sporking

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Das Sporking has a diverse group of writers who contribute to the community. Each one has their own preferences and styles that give it something for everyone. Get ready, since while it's not a large group, there are quite a few names to keep in order.

Note: Not all sporkers, particularly those who signed up in 2014, are included.

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Original Sporkers

    Das Mervin 
"Yep. I, das_mervin, jumped on that particular bandwagon and started recapping and analyzing the Twilight series. I had Twihards telling me it was great literature and I had Twihaters telling me it was not. So I decided to analyze it like great literature. The result is this epic, epic undertaking, wherein I talk way too muchand I do mean way too much. If you're looking for short and succinct analyses of this series that are nothing but comedy and fun-poking? Yeah. This one isn't for you."

The founder of Das_Sporking, Mervin initially began sporking fanfiction Sues on her personal Livejournal. When she began giving the most in-depth analysis of Twilight possible though, she decided to host her sporkings at the newly-formed Das_Sporking comm for convenience. Her sporkings of the series are the longest-running and arguably the biggest draw to the comm.

  • Accentuate the Negative: While Mervin does point out what she thinks does work in the things she sporks (or else how things in the works could have worked), she is very good at pointing out Unfortunate Implications or nasty elements that often are overlooked or ignored. This often leads to Fridge Horror for the readers, after it's been brought to their attention.
  • Alter-Ego Acting: Does this with Sands.
  • Angrish: Quite a few times.
  • Angst Nuke: Her favorite form of stress-relief is to "Paul out" (in which she posts a picture of Paul, from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, as he breaks out of a house). If that isn't enough, she'll resort to posting pictures (or even videos) of nuclear explosions.
  • At Least I Admit It: Despite ragging on fictional protagonists like Bella for being superficial, she's been distracted, deliberately or otherwise, by her fair share of pecs, abs, and buns before... But she isn't disguising it as A Wuv Oh So Twue And More Speshul Than Yours.
  • Atomic F-Bomb: Whenever she's enraged.
  • Berserk Button:
    • Her pet peeve in any medium of fiction is a protagonist who can do no wrong because they're the hero.
    • The disregard or belittlement of humanity really sets her off.
    • Incredibly notable instances of research failure are another button.
    • Domestic Abuse, especially involving emotional manipulation, also seriously angers her.
    • Outside of the sporkings, Mervin only truly gets angry when someone breaks any of the comm rules, especially the one to not link sporkings to the authors of the original work.
      • Similarly, after beginning Breaking Dawn, Mervin placed a strict ban on talking about/bashing Mormonism (Stephenie Meyer's religion) in the comments, as she felt it was inappropriate to drag religion into the sporkings and blame it for the Twilight series's many Unfortunate Implications (in fact, when the discussion of Stephenie Meyer having children came up, she's even said "If anybody here starts throwing around accusations that she was forced or pressured into it by Mormonism, I'll kick your ass.")
    • As she and her sister Mrs. Hyde are Catholics, they really don't appreciate the anti-Catholic undertones some of the Twilight series has (especially regarding the Vatican—er, the Volturi).
  • Deadpan Snarker
  • Everyone Has Standards: One of Mervin's rules for the comm is to not wish violent deaths upon suethors. The one exception to this rule is Neil, who... let's just say wrote a fic that appears to have been targeted at child molesters.
  • Flat "What": Her response to the mention of a "glowering sky" in her sporking of Twilight Chapter 6.
  • Goggles Do Something Unusual: In several chapters of the Twilight sporking, she has used "Meyer Goggles" to let her see the story from Meyer's perspective. They got to be so popular that she did an entire post on how readers would show up when viewed through those goggles, in accordance to their race, gender, religious views, and sexuality.
  • Gratuitous German: Like the comm itself.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: She often resorts to this, including one instance where she downs orange juice and vodka to make it through a sporking. The chapter gets so bad that she puts less and less orange juice in, until she's adding it in with an eye dropper and otherwise just drinking the vodka straight.
  • Kindhearted Cat Lover: Sometimes features her cats in her various sporkings and as a background picture for her video series, "Mervin Reads."
  • Muggles Do It Better: One of her favorite things with the Twilight spork is to point out how the vampires do things that are far more illogical or stupid than what a human would do (for example, standing perfectly still all night when they know danger is on the way and it's best to prepare).
  • Servile Snarker: Her sporkers tend to not like being forcibly dragged in to help out, so they are fine with making jokes at her expense.
  • Sibling Rivalry: With Mrs. Hyde. Often played up for laughs.
  • Sitcom Archnemesis: She has something of this dynamic with Hyde. The two constantly fight, and she often resorts to kidnapping Hyde to make her help co-spork.
  • Shown Their Work: Very much so. Mervin is willing to halt her sporkings to go on long rants about how something written is scientifically or logically impossible. To do that, she digs up quite a lot of information on a variety of topics, including cliff diving, how to legally own a motorcycle, the Catholic saints, what goes on in a woman's body during pregnancy, and vampire folklore.
  • Snark to Snark Combat: This is usually the result whenever Mervin has a co-sporker, especially when it's Sands, Mrs. Hyde, or Ket Makura.
  • Wall of Text: The unfortunate side effect of Mervin Showing Their Work is that her posts can get long.

    Mrs. Hyde 
Mrs. Hyde is Mervin's older sister and the silent partner of Das_Sporking. She has no account of her own, instead choosing to post under Das_Mervin's username. She is best known for sporking Ariana Black and Midnight Sun.
  • Accentuate the Negative: As with the other Sporkers, Mrs. Hyde makes sure to point out any Unfortunate Implications and/or Fridge Horror that's present in a work. She had a field day with this during her sporking of Midnight Sun, where many of Edward's less desirable traits were placed front and center.
  • Alter-Ego Acting: Does this with Snape.
  • Berserk Button: Hyde absolutely loses it whenever a blatant scientific inaccuracy shows up. The most infamous example happens during Breaking Dawn, when Renesmee catches an eight-pointed snowflake. (Note for all non-chemistry students: Snowflakes are always six-pointed because of the structure of water molecules and how they interact with each other. For snowflakes to be eight-pointed, water's structure would have to change dramatically, which would have drastic implications for the existence of life.)
  • "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: Mervin actually has to state in her FAQ that Mrs. Hyde is a real person, and not just another persona.
  • Sibling Rivalry: With Mervin. Often played up for laughs.
  • Sitcom Archnemesis: She has something of this dynamic with Mervin. The two constantly fight, and Mervin often resorts to kidnapping Hyde to make her help co-spork.

"I'm an oddball in that I will tell the author that X is not acceptable and that we don't want to send the message that rape and stalking are signs of love... This kind of drivel, which, fortunately, is not the only thing written in the genre but is far too common, causes damage... It is a vile, contemptible, anti-woman message and the fact that this piece of shit, like most romance novels, was written by a woman just makes the message that much worse."

Gehayi is a freelance editor who has edited a number of romance novels (with a heavy emphasis on male/male historical romance), kid lit, young adult novels, and anthologies. She takes badfic, especially published badfic, very seriously. She has co-sporked the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy with Ket Makura.

  • Accentuate the Negative: Will go into vast detail about why a scene, a character or an attitude is problematic or has Unfortunate Implications.
  • Berserk Button: When authors don't bother to do the research—especially if the correct information is easy to find—Gehayi becomes coldly furious. Romanticized Abuse—physical abuse, emotional abuse and/or rape—enrages her.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Both fulfilled and averted, as she alternates between swearing a great deal when angry and exploding into non-profane insults ("brain-dead troglodyte" is a favorite).
  • Cut Lex Luthor a Check: One may wonder why publishing houses don’t hire sporkers as editors if they are so good at pointing out the flaws of manuscripts. Well, Gehayi actually is a professional editor. Not that she can do anything about bad stories published by other companies, though.
  • Deadpan Snarker
  • Handicapped Badass: Gehayi is open about being mobility-limited. It sure doesn't stop her from absolutely destroying poorly written and researched work.
    • It also didn't stop her from breaking an abusive boyfriend's arm with an iron skillet. Bad. Ass.
  • Hate Fic and Revenge Fic: Has written a number of these for Twilight and one for Fifty Shades of Grey and has posted them in the comments for Mervin's recaps and on Twi Spite Fic.
  • Improvised Weapon: Her walker, with which she sometimes threatens to hit characters that anger her with their stupidity or callousness.
  • Language Equals Thought: This is basically her motive for sporking. Bad messages in fics and books enrage her because they can and often do shape the way that people think for years to come.
  • Previously On: Most posts of the Fifty Shades of Grey sporking open with her briefly recapping what happened last time. This started because posting was initially somewhat irregular, but has now become a custom.
  • Reality Ensues: Frequently points out how the fictional situation would work out (or fail to work out) if the fic or book obeyed the rules of reality... and, often, the rules of the fic's or book's own universe as well. She's particularly harsh if the fic or book is supposed to be set in a modern-day or historically accurate version of our world.
  • Shout-Out: She's prone to drop allusions, especially to books, webcomics and web originals. Among things she's alluded to—Harry Potter, Darth Vader, Shakespeare, Something*Positive, Film Brain, Kyle Kallgren, and Nash Bozard.
  • Shown Their Work: Definitely. Gehayi is adamant about research and will check every detail of a story. This has including checking federal and state laws on stalking (and its penalties), the dates that songs were composed, rules governing concealed-carry permits in the state of Washington, the battles fought in Texas during the American Civil War, whether or not a particular medicine is legal/available in America, what a heads of agreement is in the realm of business, how a corporation is constructed, and so on. And yes, she researches manuscripts that she's editing professionally just as thoroughly.
  • Special Guest: She's been known to bring in Harry Dresden and Thomas Raith to spork with Ket.
  • Straight Man and Wise Guy: Straight man to Ket's wise guy/Deadpan Snarker.
  • Wall of Text: As with Mervin, a side effect of showing her work. Gehayi's sporks with Ket tend to run very close to LiveJournal's posting limit.

    Zelda Queen 
"Thankfully this time is over though, so let's go about the rest of the day and take what we can from it. Namely that it's great fun to have sex with your own shadow, but please be sure to at least lower the window blinds before doing so."

Zelda Queen is a longtime member of Das Sporking. She sporks mostly in the Harry Potter fandom, though she also sporks for The Legend of Zelda fandom, along with whatever else she's currently interested in. She also sporks at her own blog, where she sporks both fanfic and published fiction, such as Hush, Hush and My Inner Life.


    Ket Makura 
"I'm not letting you do this alone. This series is full of religion fail, and I aim to rip it apart. I am personally offended, and I demand satisfaction. I have done research!"
Ket began by co-sporking short fics with Mervin, but now she is best known for co-sporking the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy with Gehayi.
  • All Women Are Doms, All Men Are Subs: Subverted.
  • Angst Nuke: Ket tends to explode. A lot. Especially when reading Fifty Shades of Grey.
  • Anything That Moves: With few exceptions, Ket flirts with every guest sporker, and frequently with Mervin as well. It's played for laughs.
  • Berserk Button: When E.L. James gets BDSM or issues of consent wrong.
    • In fact, her rage has caused the creation of a new word in the comm—"Ketsplode". Even her most commonly used icon is a testament to this.
    • Child abuse and statutory rape issues also anger her.
    • Poorly researching, or blatantly getting wrong, things about religion.
  • Brains and Bondage: Very open about the fact that she's a part of the BDSM community. She also demonstrates education about religion, especially concerning angels, a good working knowledge about medicine and medical terms, and a love for classical poetry.
  • Deadpan Snarker
  • Do Not Taunt Cthulhu: Mouthed off to Loki. It didn't end well for her.
  • Ethical Slut: She is often very open about her sexual escapades but will not tolerate abuse, harassment, or rape.
  • Gamer Chick: Ket loves her video games. She often begins playing them while sporking on the grounds that the game has a much more interesting story.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Frequently. She has a fondness for mixed drinks that include vodka and that have embarrassing names.
  • Improvised Weapon:
    "I'm afraid we're going to have to fight to the death now." *draws spatula*
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Generally loud, bombastic, and full of swearing, when she's truly upset will become quiet, cold, and sometimes cry.
  • Property of Love. Type C. Whenever she talks about her unnamed Owner, it's clear she deeply respects and cares about him.
  • Snark-to-Snark Combat: Whenever she co-sporks with Mervin, like their sporking of "Hatched is the Righteous Child."
  • Sidekick: Self-named. As she put it to Loki: "Gehayi does all the work. I'm just the dancing monkey."
  • Sir Swearsalot: Drops the f-bomb a lot more than Gehayi.
  • Special Guest: She's brought Marvelverse Thor in to spork, and Leila from the 50 Shades universe.
  • Straight Man and Wise Guy: The wise guy to Gehayi's straight man.
  • Super Window Jump: Ket commonly threatens to jump out of the Sporking Room's window when she has had all that she can take of the 50 Shades universe. Unfortunately for her, the Sporking Room is on the first floor. (For non-Americans, that would be the ground floor.)
  • Tantrum Throwing: When angry, she will throw her spatula, fling chairs, and flip tables.
  • That Reminds Me of a Song: Will occasionally burst into a song in response to the plot. She calls it "Ket Karaoke".

As the name suggests, Anisporker's sporkings mostly consist of bad anime fan fiction, though certainly not limited to. While having a similar kind of snark and analytic prowess of other sporkers, he also has a seemingly endless pool of references, some more obscure then others.
  • A Very Special Episode: He did a non anime spork on a 3 chapter Carmilla fanfic, that included an intro of why he loved the original story so much.
  • Berserk Button: Can be summed up as a gross mischaracterization or bad portrayal of groups of people. This has included rape victims, bisexuals, homosexuals, people who cut themselves, autistics, etc.
  • Deadpan Snarker: If he's not explaining why something sucks, he's being this non stop.
  • Precision F-Strike: Not averse to dropping an F bomb, to say the least.
  • Protagonist-Centered Morality: What all the major works he's sporked suffer from.
  • Self-Deprecation: He'll take a jab at himself every now and then. His OC and co sporker, Saya Cardolon, can be especially nasty to him.
  • Shout-Out: Sporkings are littered with them. Just to name a few: the living dead trilogy, WWE, Hegel, Kierekegaard, Carmilla, Clockwork Orange, Derrida, Shakespeare, Dostovesky, etc.
  • Special Guest: Saya.
  • Wall of Text: Is not averse to these, sometimes categorizing his points by letters.

    Astra Aurora 

A former Protector of the Plot Continuum, Astra joined the community in 2014 and has been working on a spork of The Belgariad. In 2017, she put the Belgariad spork on hold, having finished Magician's Gambit, and instead began sporking Amy Ewing's YA novel The Jewel.

  • Anvilicious: Invoked literally; occasionally something extremely obvious happening in the books will result in an anvil nearly crushing Astra and Aurora.
  • Berserk Button: Quite a few, but mainly Protagonist-Centered Morality, bad parenting and emotional abuse/manipulation.
  • Brain Bleach: Threw herself into a swimming pool after reading a line that (probably) unintentionally invoked pedophilia.
  • Broken Pedestal: See the above quote.
  • Catchphrase: "Are they trying to kill him?" in the Pawn of Prophecy spork referring to Garion and all the times when his guardians put him in a situation where he could get hurt or killed by accident.
    • Aurora has "I have a question".
    • Before something horrible happens: "Get ready to get angry".
    • Whenever someone brings up the Dryads: "I hate those bitches."
    • Regarding Polgara and Belgarath's habit of withholding information from Garion: "How would he know? You never told him!"
    • Astra has a habit of calling the protagonist of The Jewel a dumb bitch whenever she does anything particularly stupid.
  • Cluster F-Bomb
  • Doppelgänger: Another Astra (who was subsequently dubbed 'Aurora') turned up to help spork the blurbs of Pawn of Prophecy, since Astra was extremely drunk. It's not known what she is or where she came from. She joined Astra permanently to spork the remaining books.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: Aurora's first appearance in the Pawn of Prophecy blurb had her being much more aggressive and swearing, unlike her parts in subsequent sporks.
  • Insistent Terminology: Aurora is not a clone, a twin or anything along those lines, she is Astra.
  • Lady Swears A Lot: Astra. Aurora, on the other hand, doesn't swear at all, to the point that when she sporked by herself for a chapter, she removed the cursing in the name of one of the counts.
  • Land Down Under
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Astra is the red to Aurora's blue.
  • Shout-Out: Quite a few, but she references Homestuck a lot, and she loves wrestling.
  • The Snark Knight
  • Stellar Name: "Astra" means "stars" in Latin.
  • Waxing Lyrical: Most of the names of her spork chapters are slightly-altered song lyrics (mostly in the Pawn of Prophecy spork).
  • Which Me?

"Never underestimate the power of wild fangirls with minds in the gutter."
Azra was a longtime lurker on the community before she finally decided to join in the fun herself. She has so far focused primarily on sporking game-based fanfic, and is also planning to spork Like Water for Chocolate.

"Wonderful. I love when great quotes from great minds are twisted to represent something as silly as teenage or first love."

Cara came to Das Sporking to read Mervin ripping apart the Twilight series, and was inspired to write her own recaps/sporkings of Beautiful Creatures.


    Cheryl Bites 

Cheryl_Bites has previously sporked bad Twilight and Harry Potter fics, but is now best known for sporking Save The Pearls with sitaspell.

    Chibi Regalli 

    Enoby Way 
"Just a warning to everyone; I am English, and we poke fun at other countries for their stereotypes more than they do us. It's how we cope with losing Eurovision all the time."

Enoby is one of the sporkers who joined in 2014.

A 2014 sporker, Esme's primary fandom is Star Wars. She started by sporking Fixfic Early Redemption, and is currently sporking the Growing Around novel and the Expanded Universe novel The Courtship of Princess Leia

A Swedish sporker who joined in 2013, with a habit of taking long, infamous and Moral Dissonance filled fanfics. Is probably best known for "The Real Us", a Harmonian Fix Fic that ended up being a year-long spork. Currently sporking The Sword of Truth

    Illyrias Acolyte 
A classic, 2011 sporker. Helped ZeldaQueen spork the Legendof Zelda fics of Link's Queen, and sporked a fair few Aladdin fics shipping Jasmine and Jafar
  • Berserk Button: The Random Events Plot of Jasminejafarforever2005]'s fics gets on his nerves.
    • As does one of her fics using a poorly-depicted eating disorder as cheap drama.
  • Running Gag: Sporking jjf2005's fics using just quotes from My Inner Life due to all their similarities.

    Man Called True 
"I know I say this a lot, but fuck this story."
A commentator who jumped on the bandwagon very quickly after the site opened up to multiple sporkers. An anime fan and brony whose main project was Frigid Winds And Burning Hearts until he suffered a USB drive failure.
  • Berserk Button:
    • Hypocrisy gets right under his nails.
    • It hasn't shown up much, but he can't stand Humans Are the Real Monsters, either.
    • In order to avoid causing trouble, he stays out of the Belgariad sporkings—David Eddings is the reason he became a writer, and he refuses to see it defiled.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He's a self-admitted raving ball of cynicism.
  • Grammar Nazi: He named one of his counts "Betas Are Not Optional" for a reason.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Lemonade, both hard and soft.
  • Minnesota Nice: Averted; he's from Lakeville, Minnesota (about half an hour from the Twin Cities), and he's full of spite and anger.
  • Oh My Gods!: Tends to curse by somewhat unorthodox standards; among others, he's invoked Celestia, Discord, and Torak.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Even by the comm's standards, he's a little vulgar.
  • Special Guest: His beta reader, Blade, took over for Chapter 5 of FWABH (with interjections from MCT).

Midoriri joined the site when it first opened up to multiple sporkers, her first spork being a 9 Suefic. Since then, she usually sporks Disney fics (namely ones for the Disney Princess canons) and Magical Girl anime.
  • Affectionate Nickname: Calls Riyna_chan "Ri," so far the only one to do so. She also calls Zelda Queen "ZQ."
  • Ascended Fanboy: Technically, fangirl, but same principle. She followed Das-Sporking for quite some time before joining, and was also a fan of Zelda Queen's snarks before the two joined forces for Sailor Rainbow. When Zelda Queen proposed they spork it together, Midoriri actually called it "a dream come true."
  • Berserk Button: Racism and victim-blaming are good ways to get to her. She's also set off by blatant hatred/mis-characterization of canons, misogyny, domestic violence and female characters getting bashed just for being girly.
    "Lydia? *raises her glittery manicured nails* "Piss on being a girly-girl again and I'll claw your fucking eyes out."
  • Bi the Way: She's admitted to finding both male and female characters attractive, and is in a relationship with Riyna.
  • Brain Bleach: Sometimes says she needs this, in the form of good entertainment.
  • Calling Your Attacks: Being a Magical Girl fan, she does quite a bit.
    "Magical Fuck-Off Beam!"
  • Cluster F-Bomb: A sure sign her Berserk Button has been pressed.
  • Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: She tends to make threats like these when she's really mad at the Sue or Stu.
  • Fangirl: Unapologetically one for magical girls and Disney Princesses, especially Belle. In fact, the mischaracterization of Belle in one spork pushed a particular-large Berserk Button.
  • Freudian Threat: She gives Stus a lot of these.
  • Girly Girl: Admits to being one in a few sporks and comments.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper
  • Heartwarming in Hindsight: Riyna and Midoriri were not dating while sporking their first fic, no matter how close they appeared to be, and it just makes it cuter when you really think about it.
  • Magical Girl Warrior
  • Make Me Wanna Shout: As a Magical Girl Warrior sporker, she uses a megaphone to scream at the fics and Sues/Stus and deal damage.
  • Must Have Caffeine: Sometimes combined with I Need a Freaking Drink; Midoriri frequently drinks coffee during her sporks.
  • Official Couple: With Riyna_chan.
  • Pungeon Master: She is one.
  • Rant-Inducing Slight
  • Sailor Earth: She and Zelda Queen made Sailor Senshi versions of themselves during the Sailor Rainbow spork.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: At one point in the Sailor Rainbow sporkings, she ate a coma-brownie to get away from a particularly-bad chapter. In a subversion/downplayed example, she leaves the room to use the bathroom or order pizza in the middle of sporking boring scenes.
  • Shout-Out: Sometimes names other series/movies she likes in her sporks, either as comparison points or to say she needs to watch something good after a bad spork.
    • The blue and green Sporking Cure colors used by herself (blue) and Riyna (green) for the Smile sporking are a nod to the popular Nao/Reika pairing in Smile Precure. This is on purpose, as it was meant to be a subtle nod that yes, they are together.
  • Spit Take: Prone to these, especially after an interesting double-entendre.
  • Sweet Tooth

Mirandagaara first joined the site after her former sporking site, deleterius, closed down. Along with other likeminded individuals, she joined up. As she was currently sporking a putrid Mary Sue fic from now defunct site Quizilla, she posted her sporking as her first one on the site. Mirandagaara's preferred fandoms are Lord Of The Rings and Harry Potter. She's English, not British, by the way.
  • Alter-Ego Acting: Generally sporks as her own original characters, though she has sporked as herself at times.
  • Berserk Button: Bad grammar/spelling, and abuse of the established canon.
  • Deadpan Snarker:
  • Fangirl: Of Lord Of The Rings, ever since she read the books at the age of eight. Also Harry Potter and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Her avatars often reflect this.
  • Karmic Death: Mirandagaara's vampire character Jill often arranges this for Mary Sues. It usually entails a visit to Mount Doom.

"...and then (Dumbledore) just gets killed effortlessly, in the middle of his inner sanctum, by a trap we never saw getting set up, that he never noticed, for no reason at all. Isn't this character just the most awesome and intimidating Big Bad ever?"
Joined in 2014. Primary fandoms include The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Harry Potter, with a particular focus on jerk stus, god mode stus and relationship sues. Currently sporking the infamous Partially Kissed Hero

"Well, here we are with Chapter 6. The Sue is still Sueish and now he have met the character with one of the most Mary-Sue-ish names I have EVER seen. Stephanie Crystal Muse."
Nix joined up a year or two before Mervin cracked the site open for everyone to join up. Her favorite fandoms seem to be The World Ends with You and Kingdom Hearts, however she's recently begun sporking Code Lyoko fanfiction. She has long periods of hiatus and is known for having a lot of guest sporkers (who each have their own text color) in her sporkings.
  • Alter-Ego Acting: Does this with the TWEWY cast a lot.
  • A Very Special Episode: Nix changed up her sporking style entirely in the final chapter of Be my Composer?
  • Berserk Button:
    • Anytime one of the characters is made extremely out of character for the sake of a pairing.
    • Whenever characters have very expensive items just for the sake of having them.
  • Call-Back: She adores referencing her other sporkings.
  • Color-Coded Characters
  • Color-Coded for Your Convenience
  • Convenient Color Change: In one of her later sporkings, one of the sporkers changes his color along with his name.
  • Deadpan Snarker
  • Gamer Chick
  • Hate Fic and Revenge Fic: Has written one after being enraged by Bree Tanner.
  • Powerup Full Color Change: At one point when something in a fanfiction makes Joshua angry enough, he tunes up to his Composer Form and gets a color change as well.
  • Servile Snarker: Some of the characters she brings in are not above snarking at her in retaliation for being dragged in and forced to read bad fanfiction of themselves. Particularly Joshua from The World Ends with You.
  • Shown Their Work: In her later sporking with Beacon, she asks an actual Japanese speaker about some nuisances in the language.
  • Signature Style: Her use of colored font for sporker comments. Each sporker gets a different color.
  • Special Guest: She's brought in several of her real life friends and the entire main cast Player cast from TWEWY. She has also been a guest sporker to Lian Hua's spork of the infamous Shinra SOLDIER fanfiction.

  • Special Guest: She's brought in both Tony Stark and Marvelverse Loki.

In the past, Ranguvar sporked mostly in Alice in Wonderland (2010) fic, but she since branched out and sporked a The Prophecy fic and a Twilight crossover with Once Upon a Time.

"Why's it so popular? Quite frankly, I believe it's because it shows signs of being Anime Twilight, only it's geared towards men."
Another sporker and a self-described "noble pervert", Raxistaicho holds similar interests to Riffing Academy, and leaped head-first into his sporking career by deciding to spork the entire Sword Art Online light novel. Has also sporked a harem League of Legends fanfic, and many magical girl crossovers with other sporkers
  • And Now For Something Completely Different: His sporking of "A Journey Of Light And Darkness", which was actually a fanfiction he wrote some time ago and plans to revise. As a joke, he refuses to believe it's in need of snark until the protagonist shows up, hits him on the head and gives makes him forget he wrote it, leading to him commenting on how terrible it is.
  • Angst Nuke: Calling for Nanoha to launch a Wave Motion Gun.
  • Author Appeal: Is extremely fond of Nanoha Takamachi. His Catchphrase for his Live Journal cuts in some of his works quote her intelligent device. Also fond of most anime and video games.
  • Berserk Button: Sexism against women, avoiding research, arrogance and getting computers or video games wrong.
  • Catchphrase: "In which (quick summary of events)" became one for the intros to his chapters while sporking A Journey Through Light and Darkness Volume One.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: Calls himself one. His Live Journal picture used to be that of a busty fox girl, but he also hates stories that denigrate women.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: While doing his first sporking before joining the community proper, he still actually liked Sword Art Online, and used gifs of Kirito letting loose as an Angst Nuke.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: His name means "Captain Raxis" in Japanese note .
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Is actually averse to this trope in its ordinary form, due to disliking casual alchohol consumption. Using a stand-in is his preference.
  • Laser-Guided Amnesia: When he learns that his sporking project is going to be a fanfiction he himself wrote, he refuses on the grounds that clearly any work of his is beyond criticism. The fic's protagonist shows up and whacks him over the head with her staff, at which point he forgets the fic is his and is very unimpressed by it.
  • Oh My Gods!: Uses Morrigan for this.
  • Platonic Life-Partners: With Zelda Queen. The two often work together on sporking projects.
  • Signature Style: Due to being a computer science major, he models his negative point tallying system using pseudo computer science coding, and keeps track of the final results in a video game-esque high score model.
  • Take Up My Sword: Continued a sporking of Concrete and Wolf after Riffing Academy gave up on it.
  • Wall of Text: Ordinarily averse to this trope, due to his preference for Rapid-Fire Comedy. Getting him to open up is a sign that you've done something wrong.

    Riffing Academy 
"So, basically, saying this fic should be burned is an insult to fire."
Riffing Academy was a fanfic author himself who was still very much a work in progress himself when he started doing sporkings. Originally he was devoted to a style which followed the format of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in almost every respect, but since making entries in the community has since adopted a style more like that of the other members. He tends to stick to anime and video games with which he's familiar.
  • Alter-Ego Acting: He does this in his latest sporkings, to the point of resembling Mystery Science Theater 3000 in having a bunch of put-upon characters of his own design show up to spork bad fiction as if it's a job. The idea is that he has lots of competing thoughts and conflicting ideas about what he reads, which comes off better as dialogue than a monologue.
  • Artifact Title: Before he joined Das Sporking, he ran his own MSTings on his own blog which attempted to have the same structure as Mystery Science Theater 3000, except it was set up more like a school for hecklers than a science experiment. When he switched to writing in Das Sporking, he dropped the format but kept the name.
  • Art Shift: Not on Das Sporking, but on his own blog. He was struggling with the format of LiveJournal at first, which meant he flip-flopped between using carots and blue text before he finally used bold to highlight his own remarks.
  • Ascended Fanboy: Sort of. Was driven to do sporkings because he loved Mystery Science Theater 3000 and reading MSTings rather than any deep experience with literature.
  • At Least I Admit It: Doesn't hesitate to discuss his own forays into writing in comment discussions. Consensus so far seems to say that as goofy as they are, they'd at least be a bit entertaining.
  • Author Appeal: Normally he can be fickle and will just mention whatever piques his interest at the moment in his sporkings, but there are a few constants:
  • Berserk Button: He's not a very stable sporker.
    • Poor or no research riles him up, especially concerning weapons and tactics. If you can Google it, in his book, that means you should.
    • Upstaging canon characters is a huge no-no in his book. Being great in different ways is fine, but he sees upstaging as rendering the canon characters redundant.
  • Call-Back: Loves to do this, especially when he senses common themes in things he tackles.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: His very first sporking posted to the site was a link to his own blog with a sporking on it that used characters and used Mystery Science Theater 3000's structure far more rigorously.
  • Genre Throwback: One of his recent sporkings has started to use exclusively characters-much like the ones on his original page.
  • I Have Many Names: Depending on who you ask, he's Riffing Academy, riffingacademy, or R.A. His characters like to call him The Chairman.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Doesn't really say it, but he implies it with his user image: a figure of Mami Tomoe posed at a table like she's distraught and drinking.
  • Insistent Terminology: He calls sporking "riffing" due to his love for Mystery Science Theater 3000. And because his nickname wouldn't make sense otherwise.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He, and by extension, his characters, will empathize wholeheartedly with certain kinds of authors, such as new or young authors making rookie mistakes...and then go right back to skewering their stories.
  • The Nicknamer: He likes to apply nicknames to characters to get some more comedy out of his sporkings. Most of them don't stick, but there are some he hangs on to for a while:
    • He likes to call Christian Grey "Chris-Chan". And any other character named "Chris" he finds contemptible enough, for that matter.
    • Called Harry Potter whatever nicknames for Superman that came to mind in one fic where he seemed to pull superhuman strength and endurance from nowhere. It failed to stick halfway through the story, then a few chapters later got replaced with calling him God-Man, The Superhero with Omnipotent Powers.
    • On the off-chance that a fanfic contains an inexplicable paragraph break, he calls that a "fanfic Jump Cut."
    • Pretty Cure Perfume Preppy and its Scries Perfume being filled with brown fluid got him to immediately christen it "poo water," which has stuck for the rest of the sporking thus far.
  • Rage Quit: A bad Spice and Wolf fanfic updated by the time he finished sporking what he thought was its last chapter, but he was so fed up with it by that point that he halted the sporking right there. Raxistaicho picked it up afterwards.
    • He does tend to do soft hiatuses of stories he finds particularly offensive-he's not a particularly patient man, but who can blame him?
  • Rapid-Fire Comedy: When he's not biting into something the story at hand brings up, he's throwing around a lot of small, snide jabs. He also loves to make wacky sketches and create long gags wherever he can.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: As "The Chairman," in his current format, though he's not above getting under the skin of some of his characters and other times, getting his cast to do the dirty work for him smacks of cowardice. But considering he reads it in the first place and only then does he hand it off to the others...
  • Sailor Earth: One of a few sporkers who pitched in and made up senshi based on themselves when a Sailor Moon fic prompted a joke amongst those lines.
  • Signature Style: Both in what he sporks and how he sporks it.
    • If it has unstoppable, unlikable leads, Chickification and at least one Damsel Scrappy, he's probably got his hands on it. Or around its throat.
    • He likes to give his text cuts themed titles, usually aligned with the theme or canon of what he's tasked himself with sporking.
    • He's something of a method actor in his sporkings, writing as if he knows maybe one or two details in a chapter and otherwise acting the way he thinks one would act when reading the story for the first time.
    • His style, in addition to having lots of quick, snide remarks, used to include video clips and pictures to break up his normal quips. For intros and outros, he's always either stuck to writing short essays introducing each chapter, character dialogue, or miniature host segments.
  • Stalker Without a Crush: For a while he made it as if Sues and Stus with wolf motifs stalked him ever since he sporked two unrelated stories with the same wolf motifs back-to-back completely by accident.
  • Wall of Text: He loves writing-perhaps a little too much. He tends to write huge, multi-paragraph intros, outros and index entries. When he does this in the middle of a sporking, it's either to explain things non-fans of a series might not know, wind up and let loose on something particularly angering, throw around really big words to show off his vocabulary or he's about to get seriously nerdy.

    riyna chan 
A longtime lurker of the comm, riyna_chan—who prefers to be known as Riyna, please and thank you—joined initially to follow Midoriri's 9 spork redux, and made her sporker debut in 2014, joining Midoriri for Pretty Cure fics. She's currently working on sporking a Cinderella fic.
  • Affectionate Nickname: Riri and Ri, though the latter is used mostly by Midoriri. Riyna calls Midoriri "Kris", as well as "Carino". The former is only affectionate due to the fact no one else calls her that, but the latter is definitely so. It's a Spanish term of endearment, closest to terms like sweetie, dear, darling or honey.
  • Berserk Button: Crosses with No Indoor Voice—things like racism, sexism, misogyny, and other horrible things tend to bring on the capslock.
  • Caps Lock: Abused a lot. Unapologetically so.
  • Color-Coded for Your Convenience: Sporks in the color blue. This is partially because Riyna's favorite color is blue, but also because it's much easier on her eyes to differentiate fic text from commentary. The purple color chosen for scripting wasn't Riyna's choice, but she's pretty thankful for it.
  • Fangirl: Magical girls—most notably Sailormoon and Pretty Cure—as well as an intense love for Cinderella.
  • Got Me Doing It: For as much as she sentences Midoriri to the pungeon, sharp eyed readers will notice Riyna makes her own terrible puns too.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: Yes, she's embarrassed about her username being riyna_chan. We were all dumb and 13 once, okay?!
  • Magical Girl Warrior: Sort of suggested the whole "becoming a magical girl" for the first Blaze fic, and it's essentially become a sporking staple. Riyna's specialty seems to be getting obscenely tl;dr about aspects of canon, providing caps and gifs, and also...
  • Official Couple: With Midoriri.
    • Heartwarming in Hindsight: Riyna and Midoriri were not dating while sporking their first fic, no matter how close they appeared to be, and it just makes it cuter when you really think about it.
  • Running Gag: Refuses to read ahead for certain fics. This leads to a LOT of Angrish, capslock, and massive text. This is only half true, Riyna DOES know some things that happen in advance, but only the things Midoriri tells her or things she's vaguely skimmed—this often means she's taken off-guard because she wasn't told the whole story. Those Angrish moments? Are completely genuine.
  • Shrinking Violet: Really REALLY shy, despite the sporks implying otherwise. This is why Riyna does not respond to comments or comment much to begin with—but she appreciates all the comments people leave, and loves reading them!
  • Shout-Out: The blue and green Sporking Cure colors used by Midoriri (blue) and Riyna (green) for the Smile sporking are a nod to the popular Nao/Reika pairing in Smile Precure. This is on purpose, as it was meant to be a subtle nod that yes, they are together.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Unapologetically so.
  • Wall of Text: God help you if something seriously pisses Riyna off. The last rant—all in capslock!—was a good page in length.

One of the many sporkers who joined in 2014, sashocirrone is currently working on a spork of the obscure and very Squick manga Taklamakan Zoo.

A sporker who joined in 2014. Primarily sporks the My Brave Pony: Starfleet Magic fics.

"No one person could hope to tackle this kind of task on their lonesome and hope to come out of it alive, or even sane, for that matter. Ergo...I ain't doin' it. I value what little sanity I still have."
A sporker that joined up during the 2014 influx, silais is unusual in that he's not actually present in the sporking itself, outside of very rare cameos—rather, he plays a number of characters that do the sporking for him, a situation that they make little effort in disguising their disappointment or outright fury toward. Has spent over a year sporking Battlefield Earth, and as of April 2018 is sporking Chrono Cross. After completing Chrono Cross, began sporking Skyrim on his own blog

A very active sporker, sitaspell is currently working on sporks of Save The Pearls (with Cheryl_Bites), the 'racy' romance novel Hedging His Bets, and the 'thriller/horror' novel Intensity.—-
  • Berserk Button: The racism in Save The Pearls sends her into long-winded rants- a far cry from her usual easygoing personality.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: Chose to spork Intensity by Dean Koontz at least partly because its villain was like this.
  • Infectious Enthusiasm:
    "Do you see now why I love Vess so much? HE IS GRAND. Koontz tried so hard to show us how super-duper maxi extreme ultra evil Vess is that he became great. And this is only the first chapter, guys! You can�t even imagine how much more terrifically amazing he becomes."
  • Hollywood Psych: Gets annoyed by this.
  • Shout-Out: Refers to Criminal Minds frequently.

Sweettalkeress is an amateur writer, blogger, and beta reader who began sporking in 2012. She's also a big anime fan, and many of her sporks contain references to anime she's seen, particularly as points of comparison.
  • A Very Special Episode: Her sporking of the Lighter and Softer Code Geass fanfic "Euphemia's Surprise" was a major departure from the dark, violent, cynical fare she usually goes after.
  • Berserk Button: Really hates to see human-bashing and Protagonist-Centered Morality in all their forms, as well as allusions to sexism and rape culture. She also once wrote a wall of text about how angry it made her that a story's Gary Stu lead tried to claim superiority because of how much he cared about the environment.
    • Also, woe betide you if she thinks you're misrepresenting a character she really likes.
  • Cruel and Unusual Death: Likes to dream these up for the characters she hates. They often double as Shout Outs.
  • Insistent Terminology: Openly admitted in her first sporking job that she would never refer to the Pokémon characters by anything but their English names.
  • Lifetime Movie of the Week: Most of the stories she sporks feature at least shades of this.
  • Nightmare Fetishist: Has admitted to loving horror fiction and creepy villains. In fact, this came up in one of her sporkings when she admitted that she could tell how bad the story was because it failed to appeal even to her Nightmare Fetishist sensibilities
  • Shout-Out: Her sporkings contain many, many references to anime, as well as music.
  • Shown Their Work: She's a student of environmental biology, and her knowledge of these subjects occasionally comes out in her sporkings and comments
  • Throw the Dog a Bone: Frequently points out when she sees something she likes in a work, as well as when she sees something she doesn't like

Another fanfic writer, taekarado tends to spork in more obscure/cartoony fandoms than her peers.

Bekah is one of the numerous sporkers that showed up during the 2014 newbie boom.

    The Mad Miss Hats 
Another one of the sporkers who joined in 2014. Is currently sporking a fic from Harry Potter called The Impossible Wager.

    The Whittler 
"I can't speak for everyone, but I do know I don't spork to discourage some thirteen-year-old from writing. I may bash suethors all the time for creating awful works – which are awful, no doubt – but it's no cause to feel bad or, god forbid, to stop writing. Hey, I sucked at thirteen. I probably still suck now that I'm eighteen. long as I'm proud of what I did, I have nothing to be ashamed of when someone criticizes my work's mock-worthy flaws because in spite of all that, I still goddamn enjoyed making it. And when it comes down to it, that's all that really matters when writing fanfiction.
...unless your work features plagiarism, offensive and toxic themes, and/or condescension of lofty extremes – those are things to be legitimately ashamed of."
The Whittler is a professional cappuccino who sporks works particularly of the fantasy genre which delves into complicated World Building. They often assume a more forgiving and encouraging tone than most sporkers, believing that "if you'll feel bad if the author reads this, don't post it." The Whittler often sporks with their friend and partner, Hot Buns. They have currently sporked works in Adventure Time and Game of Thrones and is doing a chapter by chapter review for The Fault in Our Stars for the Das_Sporking community.
  • Angrish
  • Animate Inanimate Object: Is apparently a professional cappuccino.
  • Deadpan Snarker
  • Ethical Slut: Is a self-proclaimed one.
    "[Her]...eyes flashed. 'I am nothing like [him]! For one, I don't attempt to flirt with women constantly in an effort to have them in my bed.'"
    TW: Hey, don't you judge my lifestyle!
  • Gamer Chick
  • Hype Backlashinvoked: She merely disliked The Fault in Our Stars when first reading it, but she has come to actively despise it with all the praise being heaped on "this insipid, mawkish, pretentious, emotionally manipulative piece of sick lit."
  • Lame Pun Reaction: Invoked by Hot Buns.
    "Theon left the table immediately after wolfing down his food,"
    TW: Don't you mean "krakening" down his food? Eh? Eeeeh?
    HB: *puts a hand on the whittler's face* No.
  • Piss-Take Rap: Done by Hot Buns while The Whittler (badly) beat-boxes in the background.
    I scave them fools who post their fanfic drools. You better check yo grammar cause I'm pulling out the hammer!
  • Pungeon Master
  • Running Gag: Mance Rayder is an obsessive fanboy shipper who does everything in his power, including sending out wildling spies, to make sure his OTP comes to fruition.
  • Self-Deprecation: The Whittler has sporked their own fanfic and posted it on the comm for all to see, self-deprecating commentary and all.
  • Special Guest: Though Hot Buns is highly prominent in The Whittler's sporkings, they have also sporked with the Ice King, Fenris, and Coran of Tethyr.

    Tucker of Terror 
*flatly* "I just read a sex scene between one of my favorite childhood characters.
I give up on life. *curls up on the floor to die*
* pops up* Oh, wait, cookies!"
Tucker is one of the several 2014 sporkers. He started on a fanfic known as Written in the Stars, the first Animorphs fic to be sparked on the comm.

    Ultimate Paragon 
One of the new 2014 sporkers, who has become known for a wide variety of targets he has tackled.
  • Berserk Button: While he's not against Black Comedy Rape, failing to understand the gravity of the act is a surefire way to piss him off.
  • Ethical Slut: He's mentioned that while he's in a monogamous relationship with his wife, he considers himself a sex-positive person, and doesn't judge people simply for having alternative lifestyles.
  • Happily Married: He and his wife seem to be this.
  • Never Gets Drunk: While helping Chocobo spork "Ganondorf in my Crawlspace", he drinks from a flask of Dorwinion Wine which hardly seems to affect him.
  • Real Men Cook: In his guest appearance on Chocobo's sporking of "Ganondorf in my Crawlspace", he mentions that he started cooking for himself in middle school.
  • Stern Teacher: Apparently sees himself as this, calling himself "tough but fair" and frequently explaining what not to do.

She started by sporking a Twilight suefic starring a Jerk Sue, the eponymous Raven Uley, and has then moved on to '1810'', a 24-chapters long "historical" Alternate Universe fic in the same fandom.

Newbie Sporkers 2017-present




    Yorae Rasante 

    Sakra The Hedgie 


    Altstralita 4 

A sporker who joined in 2017 whose work has mostly been sporkings of original fiction. She was first drawn to the community from Ket and Gehayi's Fifty Shades sporking.


    Cat Madigan 

    Count Virtu 


    NG Soures 

    Pixarjem 95 

    Radio Star 
A 2017 newbie sporker. Has sporked The Seventh Element of Harmony on their own blog, and is currently sporking a Undertale suefic and a Naruto x Bleach Crossover


    Ki no Shirayuki 
"So don't go "kawaii" on me, okay?"
A sporker who joined in 2019. Claims to be a qualified N2-level Japanese speaker, focuses on the Gintama, Touken Ranbu and Onmyōji fandoms and is sporking My Dear Cold-Blooded King on her own blog.
  • Affectionate Nickname: Shortens her name to just "Yuki" during co-sporkings.
  • Alter-Ego Acting: With a Moon Rabbit called Ki no Mochizuki.
  • Angst Nuke: If sufficiently pissed off, she'll explode into waka poetry. She calls it "poetry nukes".
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Her reaction to a fic's thinking Oda Nobunaga and Date Masamune fought each other for control in the Edo period is to end the lengthy comment pointing out the Artistic License – History with "why are you referring to Oda Nobunaga by last name and Date Masamune by first name?"
  • Author Appeal: Obviously has a thing for waka poetry and doesn't hesitate to feature them in her sporks.
  • Berserk Button:
    • Half-assing Japanese and Japanese culture, since she is an N2.
    • Shoehorning bland female Stock Shoujo Heroine OCs where they don't belong in order to be shipped with canon male characters, especially in fandoms like Gintama and Touken Ranbu.
    • Infantilizing TouRabu's tantō swords just because they look like children despite their being historical artifacts with hundreds of years of history under their belts. Bluemonogaratari bugs her pretty bad because of this.
  • Catchphrase: "Drop your head and die" directed at Sues and badfics.
  • Fangirl: She flat-out admits in a TouRabu Suefic spork that she has a "fan-crush" on Tenshinryū instructor Dōfū Takizawa.
  • Gamer Chick: Two of her focused fandoms are video games.
    "Protip: do not half-ass nihontō facts in front of this avid TouRabu player. You've been warned"
  • Gratuitous Japanese: So far the biggest offender of this on the comm. This sporker states she has an N2 qualification in Japanese and wastes no chance to prove it. See Signature Style below.
  • Lady Swears-a-Lot: All while supposedly being learned enough to spout classical Japanese poetry on a regular basis.
  • Laughing Mad: Her reaction to a Suefic's annoying habit of constantly having the canon characters adore the Sue at first sight is to break out one of these at one point, with the string of laughter gradually growing larger in font size.
  • Meaningful Name: Her screen name, aside from being a reference to the poet Ki no Tsurayuki, means "white snow on a tree" whereas the moon rabbit's name is "full moon on a tree".
  • Named After Somebody Famous: The name she chooses is a reference to Ki no Tsurayuki.
  • Precision F-Strike: Is already foul-mouthed enough normally, but most notably in one journal cut tag:
  • Signature Style/Signing Off Catchphrase: She ends her posts with waka poems which she also translates herself.
  • Something Completely Different: Usually ends her post with poems, but in one post she decides to sign off with a few lines from a song.
  • Sophisticated as Hell: At once decorates her posts with classical Japanese poetry and loads of swearing.
  • Special Guest: Enlists the help of two sporkers, Pantastic and Rain Midori, to take on a TouRabu Suefic.

A 2018 newbie sporker. Goes by Emma in sporks instead of her username. Currently sporking Dragon Age fanfic The Crown of Thorns and Harry Potter/ A Song of Ice and Fire crossover The Difference One Man Can Make


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