The main protagonist, a goodhearted peasant boy who achieves his goal of becoming a knight-in-training and squire to the king and queen.
- Butt-Monkey: He tends to suffer a considerable amount of misfortune throughout the series especially when it comes to assisting Merriman or dealing with his siblings, though fortunately things tend to work out for him in the end.
- Expy: He bears a lot of similarities to Emmet Brickowski. Both are awkward, brown-haired, beady-eyed, stop-motion animated young adults working under an oppressive government. Both also start out with a perky, Wide-Eyed Idealist attitude before becoming disillusioned over the truth about whats around them.
- Meaningful Name: Patrick comes from Latin for Noble.
- Only Sane Man: To his family and the royals.
- Benevolent Boss: Tends to Zig Zag between Bad Boss and this. Draconian punishments aside, he does treat Patrick like a friend whenever the latter is on his good side. He also enjoys having his jester around and even leaves him to watch over the kingdom and was heartbroken when he ended up assassinated.
- The Caligula: He sees torture as a sometimes treat and is content with using fear as a method of making his kingdom loyal to him.
- Dirty Coward: Whenever he is faced with protests, he just hides underneath his bedsheets.
- Really Gets Around: Has admitted to probably having illegitimate children.
- Reasonable Authority Figure: In the Pilot, when Patrick reaches a Rage Breaking Point and publicly denounces the king and system for their corrupt ways, the King...asks the crowd for a slow clap, and then appoints him as his personal Squire.
- Papa Wolf: He threatens to put Patricks head on a spike if anything happens to Blossom while guarding her room.
- Ethical Slut: In the pilot, the moment that Patrick says he doesn't want to have sex with her, she lets him go, due to highly valuing consent.
- Really Gets Around: During the annual squire tournament, she sneaks away from the king to have wild, kinky sex with the participants...and accidentally spreading gonorrhea to everyone involved.
- Big Eater: Blinkerquartz takes advantage of this in Let Them Eat Clown to win the various eating competitions.
- Dumb Blond: Not exactly in the intelligence department.
- Fratbro: He loves women and partying, and always takes advantage whenever there is alcohol around.
- Surfer Dude: Has the personality and appearance of one.
- Action Girl: Is easily one of the more competent siblings as unlike Blarney (Who a bum) or Ruben (who gets confused by everybody with robin hood), she is genuinely well known AND gets lots of treasure by at least the head of the kingdom navy. It should be noted that she was the one created the plan that ultimately killed the Kraken.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Bullying and thievery tendencies aside, she can occasionally be a Nice Girl for a change, like when she allowed Queen Tulip to assist in piracy to show her a fun time.
- Fiery Redhead: She is a fierce woman.
- Pirate Girl
- Butt-Monkey: If anyone has it worse than Patrick, it's him. He is homeless and has been hunted for sport more than once.
- The Alcoholic: He has a drinking problem.
- Non-Ironic Clown: Thought oftentimes he can veer more into Sad Clown territories.
- Expy: Of Robin Hood. He claims that Robin Hood stole his image. And then the actual Robin Hood shows up and ends up getting Killed Off for Real.
- Small Name, Big Ego: Pretty much no one knows who he is.
- Straight Gay: Has sex with Holden in the Minotaur Maze.
- Alpha Bitch: She was very dismissive of Patrick at first and treats her female servants like crap (even constantly fat-shaming one despite them both being the same size). Character Development eventually made her a bit more of a Lovable Alpha Bitch, but she still retains her brattiness.
- All Periods Are PMS: She starts having mood swings when she gets her first period. King Merriman mistakes her for a werewolf.
- Bratty Teenage Daughter: She is almost always irritable and constantly insults her parents.
- The Dreaded: Parodied. The castle workers are more afraid of her than the current assassin on the loose.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She genuinely cares for her boyfriend, Keefer even after he turned into a ghost, and has warmed up to Patrick over time occasionally even seeing him as a friend.
- Lady Swears Alot: For a teenage girl, she tends to have quite the mouth on her.
- Spoiled Brat: Comes with being a pampered princess.
- Valley Girl
- All a Part of the Job: Subverted; while she will do the work, she wholly admits to only due it to pay for food for the family. That being she will admit that people like Patrick, who honestly just want to save Blossom instead of getting the reward, are impressive.
- Drill Sergeant Nasty: To the point where she made the entire crew fight Medusa as their first mission.
- Scary Black Woman: As mention above, won't hesitate to sent a bunch of grunts to fight against a group of Medusa even blocking their way out.
- Ambiguously Bi: Presumably had off-screen sex with the queen (as only Patrick and Broth were remaining in line) and on-screen with Ruben in the Minotaur Maze.
- The Rival: In the Pilot episode, he's this for Patrick, being the most popular candidate for winning the squire tournament.
- Jerk Jock: Along with being the Alpha Bastard. Hes the most popular and skilled squire and is quite resentful for Patrick, especially after getting his ass kicked in the tournament. When he returns after being Not Quite Dead to join the knight training, he is quick to pull a petty and cruel practical joke on Patrick for revenge by tricking Patrick into circumcising himself. Though it does lead to everyone having to get circumcised and Holden getting blamed for it.