As Baywatching is essentially a riff on Baywatch, Alternative Character Interpretation abounds here, occasionally reaching levels of an Abridged Series. As such, this character page only refers to the joke versions of the characters in this show.

Main/Recurring Characters

Mitch Buchannon / Mitch Von Malibu

Played by: David Hasselhoff

The main star of the show, A self-aggrandizing lifeguard who want to be the best at everything he does and be the center of attention, despite his nasty personality.

Abusive Parents: Played for Laughs; Mitch really, really doesn't care about Hobie, even when the latter frequently ends up in life-or-death situations.
Agent Scully: His role in Season 2 in Baywatch Nights. But as noted by Allison, It's less because he doesn't believe in the paranormal and more because he doesn't care about it. Unless there is a sexy lady involved.
Attention Whore: Absolutely loves being the center of attention.
Big Eater
Character Catchphrase: "My save!"
Everyone Has Standards: As much an egotistical ass he may be, even he's disturbed by Hobie's plan to poison Captain Thorpe and dispose of his body.
Ho Yay: With Garner.
It's All About Me: Nearly any time he's on-screen and things aren't about him he starts complaining.
Jerkass
Real Men Eat Meat: Is constantly eating a variety of meat products.
Serial Romeo: Treats every woman he gets involved with as his one true love and Hobie's new mother. Even the one he's only known for half a day.
Shrine to the Fallen : Have a self entirely dedicated to his dead girlfriends.
Small Name, Big Ego: Oh, dear God, yes.
Totally Radical: Lapses into this during his frequent attempts to deny his age.
Trademark Favorite Food: Mitch Von Malibu is an avid lover of meat products, hamburgers in particular. Though he does enjoy a nice A&W Cream Soda (or whatever beverage Baywatch is sponsored by that season).
Why Do You Keep Changing Jobs?: Once we get into BW Season 6 / BWN Season 1.

Hobie Buchannon/ Hobie I - II

Played by: Brandon Call (Season 1), Jeremy Jackson (Seasons 2-10)

The son of Mitch Buchanon, Live in fear of his father who can replace him with a clone at anytime.

Creepy Child: Lapses into this from time to time, like when he suggested poisoning Captain Thorpe, or whenever he crushes on an older woman.
Demoted to Extra: Compared to Baywatch, Hobie only show up in one musical sequence and is barely mentionned beyond that in the dimension where Baywatch Nights take place.
Put on a Bus: "He's at his mother's this week!"

Michael "Newmie" Newman

Played by: Michael Newman

An heroic lifeguard who may not be a sex symbol but who he is clearly more competent and qualified that the rest of Baywatch combined.

The Ace: By far the most competent and heroic member of the cast.
A Day in the Limelight: Allison cheers when an episode's B-plot involves Newmie hunting a stray rat.
Ensemble Dark Horse
Hypercompetent Sidekick: Is pretty much the only capable member of Baywatch (other than Mitch).

Jim Barnett / Ship "Shippy" McBoatington

Played by: Gregory Barnett

A senior lifeguard who often drove a speedboat.

Ensemble Dark Horse
Hypercompetent Sidekick: Like Newmie, he's one of the only truly capable members of Baywatch.
Leitmotif: Every appearance is punctuated with a heroic-sounding synth trumpet flare from the show's soundtrack.
Only Known by Their Nickname: Allison calls him Jim once, but otherwise always calls him Shippy.

Season 1 Supporting Cast

Craig Pomeroy

Played by: Parker Stevenson

A lifeguard by day, lawyer also by day. He is the stunningly uncool Team Dad, with an endless supply of Werther's Originals, a series of boring and pointless stories, and a powerful hypnotic stare.

Put on a Bus: Disappears after season one, but will return in a later season.
Mind-Control Eyes: His gaze can calm down a hopping-mad Mitch within seconds without saying a word.
Team Dad: As one of the senior lifeguards, he always tries to advise the others on what to do, but nobody ever listens to him because of how terminally un-hip he is.

Garner Ellerbee

Played by: Gregory Alan Williams

A cop and friend with Mitch, He's competent but is underappreciated by all the other characters. He open the "BuchBrideBee Agency" with Ryan and Mitch in "Baywatch Night".

Demoted to Extra: The more the first season of "Baywatch Nights" progress, the less Garner is important. Going from a main character to being lucky to appear in a episode.
Ho Yay: With Mitch.
Put on a Bus: Left "Baywatch Nights" following the season 2 retool.

Eddie Kramer

Played by: Billy Warlock

A whiny useless manchild who can't go two seconds without getting injured, asking someone to adopt him, or being creepily possessive of his girlfriend, Shauni.

Amusing Injuries: Suffers even more of them thanks to Allison, bordering on Humiliation Conga in some episodes.
Animals Hate Him: If "The Chamber" is any indication, even animals will gladly contribute to Eddie's suffering.
The Bus Came Back: Came back for one episode of "Baywatch Nights" to be as annoying as ever.
Butt-Monkey: Is constantly getting attacked, beat up, nearly drowned, or otherwise hurting himself. Even in episodes set after he left the show, he isn't safe from popping back in and getting injured again. None of the other characters even like him, even his girlfriend Shaunie barely tolerates him at best. Most of this is brought on by Allison's distaste for the character being a possessive dick that the show tried to present as a "Sex symbol."
Character Catchphrase: "Shauniii!"; "Please adopt me."; "I'm a sex symbol."
The Chew Toy: To the point that Allison turned the Clip Show episode "The Chamber" in a episode about the cast remembering the numerous incidents where Eddie hurt himself, often because of his own stupidity. All the incidents being taken from suggestions from Allison's Twitter.
Compressed Vice: Briefly had a gambling addiction.
The Friend Nobody Likes: Nobody on the baywatch team like Eddie. Even his own girlfriend once admitted she wouldn't mind seeing him dying in horrible fashion. Even during his return in "Baywatch Nights", Mitch openly wonders why he had gone surfing with him.
Manchild
Offscreen Breakup: Shauni left him for a stamps collector before his reappearance in "Baywatch Nights".

Jill Riley

Played by: Shawn Weatherly

One of the senior lifeguards on Baywatch in the first season. She's not a real character.

Butt-Monkey: Because she's not a real character.
Forgotten Fallen Friend: The cast forgot her just after learning her death.
Killed Off for Real: Succumbs to her wounds from a shark attack suffered during a save, despite the best efforts by Dr. Shark.
We Hardly Knew Ye: Died before the end of the first season and didn't receive much focus before that.
Yank the Dog's Chain : She is saved by Mitch, but dies offscreen at the hospital.

Shauni McClain

Played by: Erika Eleniak

A recent addition on Baywatch in the first Season. A rich girl who lived a sheltered life before joining the team. Interested by and later the girlfriend of Eddie, probably because she doesn't know better.

Fountain of Expies: As noted by Allison, Shauni's character of a sexy blonde with a complicated love life would be the template from almost all the future female lifeguards will draw from. With her direct successor,C.J, becoming one of the face of the series.
Ms. Fanservice: The original blonde bombshell of the series.
What Does She See in Him?: It's not quite clear who would be interested in a useless creepy possessive manchild like Eddie, Even thought Shauni doesn't know any better initially, he became quite clear as the show progress that even her tolerance toward his stupidity has limits and even once admitted she would enjoy seeing him being eaten alive by sharks.

John D. Cort

Played by: John Allen Nelson

A bad boy lifeguard halling from Texas if the original show didn't make it obvious enough, he is notably one of the only characters that Allison really like.

Author Appeal: He's one of the few characters Allison likes.
Character Catchphrase: "That's why they call me John [D-word] Cort!"
Handicapped Badass: John has a degenerative eye condition that's slowly making him go blind. It doesn't stop him from being awesome when he needs to.
Mr. Fanservice: The only character Allison openly admires physically.
Put on a Bus to Hell: Being one of Allison's favorite character of Baywatch didn't save him from being put in a coma in his last appearance on the show.
Too Dumb to Live: Ended in a coma after trying to drive on a buggy despite being almost blind at this point.

Trevor Cole

Played by: Peter Phelps

Australian but incompetent.

Small Name, Big Ego: His initial characterization, claiming his face was on cereal boxes in his native Australia. He mellowed significantly after the pilot movie, though still remained very cocky.

Don Thorpe

Played by: Monte Markham

Season 2 Supporting Cast

Harvey Miller

Played by: Tom McTigue

The worst.

Butt-Monkey: Even more so than Eddie.
Casanova Wannabe: Constantly tries to pick up women or talks about wanting to pick up women. He also thinks women are interested in him despite usually being rejected.
The Scrappy: Considered "the worst" by Allison. The only character lower than him is Guido.

Ben Edwards / Lifeguard Old Man

Played by: Richard Jaeckel

Grumpy Old Man: Allison notes that he frequently looks annoyed that he's even there.
Phrase Catcher: "Shut up, old man!"

Season 3 Supporting Cast

Casey Jean "CJ" Parker

Played by: Pamela Anderson

A New-Agey free spirit and amiable ditz who happens to have whatever hobby the writers wanted to center her subplot around that week

Backstory of the Day: Apart from being slightly new-agey, CJ is "whatever the writers want her to be."
Compressed Vice: Had a gambling addiction for one two-part episode.
Granola Girl: Being new-agey was her only consistent characterization.
Love at First Sight: Declares that a marine biologist is the first man who she can imagine spending her life with, even thought they've only had one conversation and no dates.
Ms. Fanservice: She quickly became the face, and the body, of the show.
Relationship Writing Fumble: A victim of this in season 6 because of the confusing broadcast order. Depending of the episode, she's still in a long distance relationship with Eyebrows or with Cody or neither of them.

Matt Brody / Eyebrows

Played by: David Charvet

A French rich boy only know by his nickname "Eyebrows". Stranded on the show since his parents fled the country with their money.

Big Ol' Eyebrows: His most identifying feature.
Butt-Monkey : Get no respect from his colleagues, Stephanie in particular.
Commuting on a Bus : Thanks to the sixth season's chaotic broadcasting order who include episodes produced for the fifth season, Eyebrows continues to make appearances in the show well after his departure episode.
Flanderization: He was a smug surfer dude with not french accent until a conversation with her mother suddenly turned his Frenchiness up.
Only Known by Their Nickname
Poirot Speak : Seem unable to speak without using random french words like "Sacrebleu".
Surfer Dude : His initial characterization.

Stephanie Holden

Played by: Alexandra Paul

A fellow lieutenant, and ex of Mitch's who is if anything even more of a competitive know-it-all, as well as a Straw Feminist. She's low-key in love with Mitch whenever it makes for better subplot drama and happy to be foisted off with a hunk of the week when it's not.

Annoying Laugh: Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh!
Big Sister Bully: To her younger sister Caroline. Not that the latter is that much better.
Character Catchphrase: "Actually..."
Da Chief: Everytime she had to punish someone for professional misconduct, she turns into this.
Defiant Captive: Whenever she's taken hostage, Stephanie will spend her time lecturing her kidnapper and insulting their performance, even to the point of threatening a poor Yelp review.
Distaff Counterpart: To Mitch. Egotistical, self-righteous, and obsessed with getting saves.

Early-Installment Weirdness: Stephanie was extremely prudish in her first couple of episodes. This aspect of her character was dropped fairly quickly.
Follow in My Footsteps: Got Caroline into Baywatch if only to make her look good in comparison to her.
Green-Eyed Monster: Nearly every time Mitch gets a new love interest, Stephanie is not happy.
Go Out with a Smile: Die smilling as she just took a save away from Mitch while telling him to suck it as she won.
I'm a Humanitarian: Once promised to eat CJ if she died.
Insufferable Genius: Not exactly a genius, but she will correct someone whenever she can.
It's All About Me: As bad as Mitch
Jerkass
Jerkass to One: Stephanie is crueller to her sister, Caroline once she joins the cast. And to Mitch, in particular once Nights start airing, when she never miss a chance to mock him about it like remarking that Mitch is doing the same things in both shows and proposing her help, since her actress is experienced in failed spin-off.
Narcissist: Had shades of this, as best illustrated by her spin of her canon counterpart's last words:
Stephanie: I...love...
Baywatching!Stephanie:...Me...Eugh...
Laser-Guided Karma: Since Dog Stephanie disappears after her only episode, Allison thinks Caroline dropped her sister at a kennel at the first oppurtunity.
The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: In "Freefall", Stephanie's first reaction in the Imagine Spot after learning that Mitch is dead is to scream that she was the one supposed to kill him.
Reincarnation: Maybe. As the episode following her death heavily implies that Stephanie reincarnated as a dog to continue her tormenting of her sister and upstagging the Baywatch team on television. But as Allison point out, Baywatch seems to have confused Reincarnation and Possession as CJ's explaination of the former sound more like a Demonic Possession.
Straw Feminist: Claims to be the "resident feminist," but it's really just an excuse to be a self-righteous know-it-all.
Yo Yo Plot Point: Inevitably alternates between being in love with either Mitch or her random love interest of the week.

Roberta "Summer" Quinn

Played by: Nicole Eggert

Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Not the most extreme example but as the series progresses it becomes increasingly clear how selfish she actually is. Particulary pertaining to her Love Triangle with Jimmy and Eyebrows, as she cheated on both of them.
The Eeyore: Justified, with her experiencing something traumatic every week.
Interspecies Romance: With a ghost of all things.
Shell-Shocked Veteran: Allison notes how Summer goes through some kind of traumatic experience on a near-weekly basis. It gets represented with a very spacey, tired voice.
Baywatching!Summer: I die a little more every day.

Jimmy Slade

Played by: Kelly Slater

Guido Torzini

Played by: Buzz Belmondo

A Funny Foreigner that forgot to be funny.

Ethnic Scrappy: The bulk of his "humor" was whatever he was saying would sound funny in his accent. Allison declares him the worst character in the history of the show. Yes, even worse than Harvey.
Killed Offscreen:What Allison think happened to him after his last episode.

Season 4 Supporting Cast

Season 5 Supporting Cast

Caroline Holden

Played by: Yasmine Bleeth

Stephanie's kid sister who has a few cameo appearances in Season 5 before becoming a cast member in Season 6. Very similar to her but with a more tenious grasp on reality.

Annoying Laugh: Same as her sister.
Berserk Button: Caroline really doesn't like being compared to her sister. Every time someone compare the two in her presence, her signature scream is sure to follow.
Cloudcuckoolander: Began to roleplay as one of Charlie's Angels after her boyfriend almost got killed and is in the room sharing his fears.
Cute, but Cacophonic: Eventually Alison's voice for her becomes extremely screechy.
It's All About Me: Like her sister.
MrImagination: Once had a strange and confusing fantasy sequence where she, CJ and Stephanie are playing the lead of Charlie's Angels, despite the fact they also exist as lifeguards in the fantasy.
No Indoor Voice: Once Allison got the character down, Caroline talks loudly nearly all the time.
Shared Family Quirks: She hiss when she is upset, like her sister. And just like her, it's mostly when she is not the center of attention.
Suddenly Shouting: Allison would always have Caroline start shouting out of nowhere. It became even more noticeable once No Indoor Voice settled in.
Overly Long Scream: First used in "Sweet Dream" after Caroline first saw Logan's "son." It has since become her catchphrase.

Neely Capshaw

Played by: Heather Campbell (Season 5), Geena Lee Nolin (Seasons 6-8)

A "bad girl" lifeguard who makes her first appearance (played by Heather Campbell) at the end of Season 5, falsely accusing Eyebrows of sexual assault after he catches her drinking on the job. She then returns in Season 6, played by a different actress (Geena Lee Nolin), and becomes a regular cast member.Will she end up being played by yet another actress by the time the series is over? (Spoilers: Yes, she will...)

Affably Evil: Despite being a self-admitted bad girl that may have evil demonic power. Neely can be surprisingly nice and will gladly propose her help...for a price.
The Alcoholic: In her first episode. She regularly has alcohol bottles photoshopped into her hands.
Femme Fatale: Alison gives her an exaggerated, Tim Curry-esque voice. She even seems to be interested into Donna.
Noodle Implements: Had apparently the mean to find a serum for resurrecting a frog lady for Mitch for a small price. Unfortunately she was told to keep that for "Baywatch Nights".
The Queenpin: Implied to be the ringleader of a smuggling jade operation in "Balancing Act".

Logan Fowler

Played by: Jaason Simmons

An incompetent lifeguard from Australia.

New Job as the Plot Demands: Goes from lifeguard, to stylist in Season 6 to movie director in Season 7.

Season 6 & Baywatch Nights Supporting Cast

Cody Madison

Played by: David Chokachi

An olympic swimmer who joins the team in Season 6. He is extremely stupid.

Cloudcuckoolander: Cody seems to be out there; his first reaction to being attacked by a shark is to watch his bitten surfboard and wondering what it tastes like.
Food as Bribe: Neely almost convinced him to rob a bank for her in exchange of a Scooby Snack.
Hidden Depths: Maybe. He once hypothesize that Caroline's self-destructing tendancies and search for attention in the wrong crowd were a result of living in Stephanie's shadow before concluding that he was a dolphin.
Leitmotif: Cody's scenes are often accompanied by a rendition of "Pop Goes the Weasel". It's generally when he's trying to think by himself.

Ryan McBride

Played by: Angie Harmon

Mitch and Garner's partner at the "BuchBrideBy Agency".Supposedly a talented investigator and P.I, but is really here to have sexual tensions with Mitch and make him look good.

Agent Mulder: Her supposed role in Season 2 of Nights, but she often switches between this and Agent Scully. Best exemplified in "The Cabin" where Ryan's stance on the paranormal keeps changing during the episode.
The Cameo: Only did one pathetic appearance in "Baywatch".
Gamer Chick: Was apparently one in college. But as Allison points out, she must have been a very bad one since she apparently measured her success by timing how long she survived playing RPGs without dying, and kept dying in Myst, a puzzle game where it's impossible to die.
Idiot Ball: Once casted a witch spell that may have killed other people when she'd stated earlier that she didn't believe in magic, for no other reasons that to advance the plot.
The Main Characters Do Everything : Ryan's expertise changes in function of the needs of the episode. She is a forensic expert that can do chemistry analysis, works with an adoption law firm, can operate a large ship, analyse genetic abominations, and do Scully-like logs.
Multiple-Choice Past: Ryan's past is inconsistent even for the standards of Baywatch. She was raised in Texas before moving to New York, until a episode said it was the opposite. She was the only girl of her family, but two episodes later, we met her sister. Even the story of how she met Garner and Mitch has two versions.
Neutral Female: Lampshaded mercilessly by Allison, who frequently notes that, despite being an experienced P.I, most of her interventions have no purpose, and her action scenes almost always end with Mitch saving her. Exaggerated in "Circle of Fear", where the plot bends over to turn an ally into the true villain without explanation just so Mitch can save her and rob Ryan of any agency in the resolution.
Only Sane Man: By the time of season 2 roll around, She is the only competent member left on the agency.
Who Writes This Crap?!: When Mitch warn her to keep an eye about a swimming dog who is also a reincarnated Stephanie in a virtual reality, Ryan admits she doesn't know if that's something that really happened on Baywatch or if it's a joke who originated from Baywatching.
Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Is terrified of becoming a regular character in normal "Baywatch".

Destiny Desimone

Played by: Lisa Stahl

Intially making a few guest appearances in Baywatch proper, she becomes a recurring character in Season 1 of Nights... for about 4 episodes. Also, once she starts appearing on Nights, she inexplicably gains psychic powers.

Blessed with Suck : Destiny's powers left much to be desired. She can see events only seconds before they happen, and once had a vision of ''Baywatch Nights'' being such a smash hit that it changed television forever.
Bus Crash: Allison chooses to interpret the return of Lisa Stahl as a minor character in a Season 2 episode as the ghost of Destiny, now trapped in a haunted time travelling cabin with an evil prospector.
Put on a Bus: Her stay on Nights is quite brief.

Lou Raymond

Played by: Lou Rawls

What in the Ham Sandwich is going on? (Also, did he make an appearance on Baywatch before or was that a different character...?)

Early-Bird Cameo: Possibly. Lou Raymond may or may not be the same person portrayed by Rawls in a season 3 episode.
Put on a Bus : Following the mid-season 1 break, he is gone without explanation and has left his nightclub in Donna's hands.

Donna Marco

Played by: Donna D'Errico

The new owner of Nights that showed up mid-Season 1 in Baywatch Nights in a desperate effort to save the ratings of the show. That tactic failed miserably, and Donna eventually made the jump to Baywatch following Night's cancellation. She is not the brightest bulb in the box.

Character Catchphrase: Tend to end her sentences with "La,La,La,La,La,La!"
Code Emergency: Has her own Code Donna in "Last Breath", it's implied the code was created for situation where Donna get lost at sea, like the time she couldn't find the shore after jumping from a bridge.
The Ditz
Fiery Cover Up: How Donna "lost" the ownership of Nights.
Informed Attribute: In universe, everyone find her to be a wonderful dancer. It's not apparent when we see her dancing on screen.
New Job as the Plot Demands: Shows up as the new owner of Nights, before the nightclub is inexplicably turned into a bistro. Then she appears to survive Season 2 of Nights by becoming a sugar baby while being a lifeguard in Baywatch, and finally she become a lifeguard for good following "Nights"'s cancellation.
Suspiciously Similar Substitute: Allison lampshade that Donna, actress and character, was supposed to be Night's answer to Pamela Anderson's C.J in an effort to save the show.

Griff Walker

A photographer appearing in mid-Season 1 of Baywatch Nights, He's just Griff.

Character Catchphrase: He say "I'm Griff!" every time he appears on-screen.
Pokémon Speak: Can only ever say "I'm Griff!", but everyone else seems to know what he's saying.

Diamond Teague

Played by: Dorian Gregory

A man with no background that somehow hired Mitch to solve paranormal cases for unknown reasons in Season 2 of Baywatch Nights, also do long and boring expositions.

Early-Bird Cameo: Alison theorizes from Dorian Gregory's early appearence in as an extra "Baywatch" that this was actually Teague undercover.
Easily Forgiven: Once tried to vivisect an abused alien teen with psychic powers under protest from Ryan and Mitch. But that didn't stop them from working with him in the next episode.
Insane Troll Logic: Somehow concluded that a frog woman was indestructible and could replicate herself because she could regenerate from her wounds.
- Another one in "Last Breath", He somehow connected a lifeguard disappearance to the spirits of Romulus and Remus. The only link between the two where that twins were involved, and one of them died. Even after it was revealed that there was nothing paranormal in the case, he kept insisting that they were spirits involved.
The Spook: Teague is introduced in season 2 without any explainations of who is he , why he is working on the paranormal, when and why did he recruit the "BuchBrideBy Agency" to do this and nothing is ever revealed about him. Even in "Baywatch" proper, Ryan and Mitch wonder who is he working for.

Season 7 Supporting Cast

Manny Guttirez

A new addition to the team from the junior lifeguard. Supposed to be seventeen but he's clearly older than that.

Mood-Swinger: Depending on his mood, he can be a naive teen if nice or an angry man constantly yelling.
Simpleton Voice : when he's not angry, he's portrayed with a squeeky teen voice.
Suspiciously Similar Substitute: Of Eddie as lampshaded by Allison. In Baywatching proper, he share the same childish tendancies and the same type of nasally childish voice.

Jordan Tate

A black woman notable for being the first Afro-American to be a lifeguard as part of the main cast, and so in swimsuit and a sex-symbol (Unless you count Garner's shower scene with Mitch). Unfortunately, Baywatch being Baywatch, Jordan is somehow less characterized that most one-shot black characters on the show.

Flat Character: Allison can't tell anything about her other that she is black. It doesn't help that Baywatch only focused on her race during her plots.

Samantha "Sam" Thomas

A captain of the Baywatch team, making her the first to exist on-screen (or exist at all) since Cort. At least on paper. In practice she is mostly content to be a subordinate to Mitch and actively participate in the most unprofessional things Baywatch do, until the plot remind her to do her job and be a stick in the mud.

Authority in Name Only: As noted by Allison, despite being a captain, Sam defers to Mitch in many episodes.
Hypocrite: Had no problems suspending Donna because of her posing for Playboy and degrading their lifeguards positions, despite the fact that both of them are actively participating in Bikini Contests and Bachelorette auctions.

Characters / Baywatching

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