This is a list of characters in About Schmidt.
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The Schmidt family
Warren R. Schmidt
The lead man. A 66-year old man from Omaha, Nebraska who has retired from being an insurance actuary at Woodmen of the World. Now without a job and soon widowed, he tries to snag his daughter back home with him.
- Big Eater: Maybe he just has a big appetite, maybe it's boredom from retirement, but he's always seen eating something. He also eats like a teenager, often subsisting on Dairy Queen ice cream with cookies, Hungry Man's TV dinners of fried chicken, Red Baron frozen pizzas and ham, cheese sandwiches with barbecue chips.
- Forceful Kiss: He forcefully kisses Vicki Rusk, even knowing that she's married, since he's become lonely and felt Vicki understood and treated him better in one evening than Helen has for over three decades.
- Good with Numbers: Due to being an actuary. He majored in Statistics and can calculate with great probability how long a person can live if given that person's age, race, gender, place of residence, marital status and profession. He himself estimates there's a 73% chance he has 9 years left to live, given that his wife has passed (and this increased his likelihood of also dying).
- Grumpy Old Man: Evolves into this following his retirement as an actuary since he's not longer allowed to work anymore, grows incredibly bored at home, and depressed following his wife's death then snaps at his co-worker for having slept with his wife and doesn't approve of his daughter marrying a snake oil salesman.
- Hollywood Mid-Life Crisis: Most likely began when he saw all his life's work (his actuarial research papers) getting thrown in the trash. He feels his life means nothing to anyone and the world isn't better off because of him. The fact he couldn't even save Jeannie from a horrendous marriage to a pyramid schemer really dispirits him.
- Miser: Schmidt is a rich man, but generally avoids spending money whenever possible. He splurges a lot of money on fast food like pizza, ice cream and sandwiches but definitely does not like to spend money on things that aren't edible such as his dead wife's casket or his daughter's honeymoon and wedding expenses. He also strongly disapproved of his wife spending his money on antiques and stuffed plush dolls, or egging him to try every new restaurant that opens in Omaha (the fact that Schmidt isn't excited about each new restaurant implies he hasn't liked the ones he tried). He even mentions he's considering selling his large 2-story house for a small condo though it could be that he's not comfortable staying in the same house his wife died in rather than he could use the money from selling it off. He also refused to pay fully for the Winnebago RV that Helen wanted, only paying up half the price. Sure, he does adopt that Tanzanian child but it's just a $27 per month package.
- Men Can't Keep House: After Helen passes, Warren neglects to clean his house or his own clothes and soon the whole house becomes a filthy mess and his clothes are stained and smelly enough to attract flies. He's also not fond of cooking, so he stocks his fridge with frozen pizzas and TV dinners. No wonder Warren wanted his daughter Jeannie around so badly.
- My Car Hates Me: A case of Truth in Television since he's been driving the same car for many years to cut costs and refused to replace it. It's a fortunate coincidence that Helen bought the Winnebago RV just 2 days before his car broke down.
- Narrator: He often has to narrate about his feelings and his accomplishments as an actuary because 1) when his wife Helen was still alive he refused to be brutally honest with her about how irritating she can be and 2) after she dies, he has no one to talk to.
- Only Sane Man: Seems to be the only one who knows that Randall isn't, as his family says, a genius.
- Parents in Distress: After Warren breaks his back because of the water bed, Jeannie makes Randall help him out, but Randall refuses. This makes Jeannie explode in anger back at him.
- Road Trip Plot: Spends the second half of this 2-hour movie driving an RV going from Omaha, Nebraska to Denver, Colorado for the purpose of breaking up Jeannie and Randall and fishing Jeannie back home with him. But also makes some pit stops along the way such as his very first house, his alma mater university and Western museums that emphasize the history of American pioneers.
- Reluctant Retiree: The film opens with Warren being forced to retire from Woodmen though reimbursed with 401k plans and pensions. Warren grows idle getting stuck at home all day so he tries returning to work the next day only to be turned away by his replacement.
- Rich Boredom: After retiring from being an actuary and Assistant Vice President of Woodmen, he has nothing to do all day but watch TV or solve crossword puzzles prompting him to start writing memoirs of his life. He even tries returning to work, but his younger replacement rejects his help. The road trip he takes on his RV however does enlighten his mood and help alleviate his boredom of not being allowed to work.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Does this three times.
- After he forcefully kisses Vicki Rusk, an occupational therapist who comforted him after hearing he lost Helen, Vicki pushes him away, yells at him to Get Out! of her RV where this happened, and he runs away back to his RV and drives off to avoid any legal troubles.
- When he is in a hot tub for medical reasons, but then Roberta joins him fully nude, to his chagrin. He runs away not wanting to get so close to her.
- After Jeannie and Randall's wedding, he has no reason to stay in Denver Colorado where he had an awful time to say the least, and heads back to Omaha, Nebraska without any pit stops like he did on the way to Denver.
- Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior!: He's a grumpy old man and he is easily describable as arrogant, pompous and self-righteous.
- Self-Deprecation: He calls himself weak and a failure because his actuarial work was thrown out by his company and feels that the world isn't any better off because of him.
- Stay in the Kitchen: He wants Jeannie to start cooking for and taking care of him after Helen passes. Jeannie asks him to hire a maid but he refuses because of how much it'll cost.
- Unwanted Assistance: Invoked twice.
- On the first day of his retirement, Warren gets bored sitting at home so he tries to return to work to help out his replacement Harry. Harry however is too prideful to accept Warren's help claiming he can do it on his own.
- He offers to help out with Jeannie's wedding arrangements simply so he can spend more time with Jeannie. She refuses and turns him down.
- Useless Protagonist: Despite having made himself a rich actuary living on good money, Warren grows depressed of how he doesn't feel helpful to anybody especially as his daughter discourages him from attending her wedding since he expressed disgust over her fiancee.
Helen Schmidt
Warren's wife who dies early in the movie.
- Contrived Coincidence: She died just one day after Warren Schmidt retired from Woodmen and had his job as actuary passed on to somebody else.
- Housewife: She was a very hard-working one. She cleaned up after Warren, cooked for him and did not stop working even after Warren retired from his actuarial job because for her type of work, there's no such thing as retirement.
- Tempting Fate: Tells Warren when she buys the RV, "We're gonna have a lot of great times in here Warren".
Jeannie Schmidt
Warren's daughter who is a customer sales rep. She moved out of her parents and into Denver, Colorado but Warren would like her to move back.
- Calling the Old Man Out: She's infuriated with Warren for pressuring her not to marry Randall and also for buying a cheap casket for her deceased mother.
- Dating What Daddy Hates: Warren is very displeased with her fiancee.
- Downer Ending: Things don't look so bright for her future in the end since she's now married a loser waterbed salesman who's stuck on a dead-end job with low pay and she might have to be the sole breadwinner for her new family even though she's only a customer sales rep.
- Drama Queen: She makes an angry rant over the smallest things and is easily offended by Warren trying to adjust her mindset.
- Good is Not Nice: She's not very nice to her father to say the least. After Helen dies, Jeannie's instinct is not to comfort him but rather argue with him about the type of casket Warren bought for Helen.
- No Indoor Voice: She's very good at screaming loudly on command, which comes in handy when she has to straighten out her idiot fiancee when he's wandering around in his own little world. She also tries it on her own father but he only retaliates by yelling back.
- Rebellious Princess: She isn't very respectful to her father, and twice lashes out at him when he tried to stop her marriage to Randall from happening. If things don't go too well between her and her father, she walks away demonstrating she's become a Spoiled Brat thanks to her dad's leniency on her for a long time.
- Trophy Child: After his wife Helen passes, Warren clings onto Jeannie begging her to come live with him from now on.... though mostly cause he wants someone to cook for and take care of him. Jeannie insists he hire a maid since he can afford one, but Warren refuses the "extra expense".
- What Does She See in Him?: Warren can't wrap his head around why would Jeannie want to marry Randall, who is a failed salesman without a steady income. Apparently, it must be that Randall is genuinely nice to Jeannie even if he's not very helpful or smart.
The Hertzel family
In General
- Big, Screwed-Up Family: They're a bunch of braindead buffoons who live in a shoddy slumhouse. Warren is repulsed by them for this.
- Poverty Food: Their diet looks very disgusting, as they eat mostly grayish goo, walnuts, Milkbone (which is a brand of doggy biscuits that taste terrible for humans) and even try to cut open nuts with a knife and fork.
- Wrong Side of the Tracks: Although it is said they are living next to the urban city of Denver, Colorado, they actually live in a shoddy house in the suburbs and a lack of affordable housing is forcing five of them to share the same house (and if Jeannie moves in, she'll be six).
Randall Hertzel
Jeannie's fiancee and a water bed salesman. Warren dislikes him for being such a low-class, unskilled guy stuck in a dead end job.
- Basement-Dweller: Still lives with his parents and brother into his mid or late 40s.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: He wanders about in his own world consisting of investment opportunities (actually a pyramid scheme) and is of no use to Jeannie whatsoever.
- Con Man: He's trying to find people to entrap them into a pyramid scheme so they'll pay off his own debts to that scheme.
- The Ditz: He fails to generate income and is thus forced to live with his parents in his 40s and has to rely on Warren to fund his honeymoon and wedding to Jeannie. His greatest accomplishment was completing a 2-week technical course.
- Lower-Class Lout: He's stuck in two dead-end jobs (pyramid scheme recruiter and faulty water bed salesman) and aspires to leech off both Warren and Jeannie for their money.
- Never My Fault:
- After trapping his own brother into a Ponzi scheme and costing $800 for it, Randall claims that his brother simply didn't stay long enough to earn profits or recruit enough "quality representatives" despite how Randall introduced the cycle to him.
- After he supplies a water bed to Warren which ends up injuring Warren's back, Randall denies it's the water bed.
- Ponzi: While his fiancee Jeannie is working hard as a customer service representative, his idea of having a job is running around trying to find suckers for a pyramid scheme that he fell for and is now stuck in debt to the pyramid operators. His only option left was to try and scam Warren, who rejected it (Warren being an actuary knows about bad investments).
- Snake Oil Salesman: He sells both low-quality water beds and risky, disastrous pyramid schemes.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: He claims his so-called investment opportunity is not a "pyramid scheme".
Larry Hertzel
Randall's father and Roberta's ex-husband (despite still living together).
Sandra
- Happily Married: To Larry, even defending she's not bothered by how eccentric or childish he comes off as.
- Token Minority: She's the sole Asian woman in the household (who is married to Randall).
Roberta
Randall's mother.
- Alone Among the Couples: She lives among married couples but has never found another man who would want to marry her, leaving her lonely for many years. Which could be why she clung to Warren as soon as she met him.
- Comforting the Widow: She lampshades that she's doing this, claiming that Warren being a widow and Roberta herself being a divorcee can be a couple together.
- Did Not Get the Boy: Warren rejects her advances since he finds her too obese and unattractive, running back home as soon as Jeannie's wedding concludes.
- Gonk: Warren is put off by her appearance.
- Innocently Insensitive: She tells Warren that Helen was lucky to have avoided setting up preparations for Jeannie's wedding. That's cause Helen was dead. Warren isn't amused.
- Nice Girl: When Warren breaks his back, both Jeannie and Randall refuse to help him out and even fight with each other over whose turn it is to provide medical aid for him. So Roberta steps in.
- The Pollyanna: She's very cheerful, at least when Warren's around. She gets angry when she has to be with Larry, and tries to stay distant from him.
- Yandere: She gains a romantic interest in Warren and gets clingy on him, leading to Warren rejecting her and running away back home as soon as Jeannie and Randall marry.
Duncan
Randall's brother.
- Basement-Dweller: We don't know if he's employed or not, but he's over age 40 and still lives with his parents. And seeing he eats doggy treats, that's not a good sign he or his parents are financially prospering. Duncan also laments losing $800 like it was the downfall of the world for him.
- Berserk Button: Whenever someone mentions the pyramid scheme he fell for. His parents know how worked up he gets over hearing it, and don't react well to Warren bringing up Randall tried dropping that same pyramid on him.
- Cain and Abel: He hates his brother Randall because thanks to him, Duncan lost $800 to a pyramid scheme. Randall then verbally berates Duncan for not finding enough suckers of his own and then gives a rather pathetic speech on why it's all Duncan's fault.
- Eating Pet Food: He's seen eating Milkbone. That's a biscuit snack for dogs.
Others
Ray Nichols
Warren's best friend who worked with him at Woodmen of the World, indicating Ray himself is also an actuary.
- Affair Letters: He wrote a bunch of love letters to Helen having had an extramarital affair with her despite Ray having his own wife about 20 years before the film happens. Warren discovered these letters, and then gave Ray a good pounding after "returning" those letters, ending with Ray trying to apologize.
- No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Warren starts pounding Ray with his fists upon discovering that Ray and Helen had a love affair about two decades ago. Warren, too angry to care just when the affair happened, only stops pounding Ray when he decides 5 pounds was good enough to deliver the message and storms off in his RV claiming they're no longer friends.
- Tempting Fate: He gave a heartwarming speech to Warren about what valuable contributions he's made to the field of actuarial science and how Warren can now retire to a life of strong finances and pension funds (401k, Social Security, supplementary accounts). But the next day, when Warren tries to return to work (not comfortable with retirement), Warren finds all his hard work sitting in the garbage.
Harry
Warren's replacement as Senior Executive Actuary at Woodmen of the World.
- Informed Ability: Harry is said to be just as well-trained and qualified for the chief actuary position as Warren, but Warren finds him very inexperienced and arrogant because Harry wouldn't ask him any questions about his actuarial research.
- Nice Guy: Or is it Informed Kindness? Warren calls him a cocky bastard since Harry refused his help out of pride.
- Replacement Goldfish: He fills in Warren's shoes as the chief actuary for Woodmen, driving Warren jealous because Warren wanted to keep his job and not just 401k plans or pensions.
John and Vicki Rusk
A married traveling couple. John's a shoe store co-owner, Vicki is an occupational therapist.
- Big "NO!": Vicki repeatedly screams "GO!" when ordering Warren to leave her RV after he kisses her without consent.
- Comforting the Widow: Vicki does this to Warren, even letting him bury himself on her neck and chest, when she learns that Warren's wife has been dead for less than a month now.
- Happily Married: Since both of them are incredibly positive and cheerful in general.
- Nice Guy: They truly are two of the nicest people Warren has ever met in his life. Though they overdid it with the kindness cause Warren grew too attached and forcefully kissed Vicki, and she angrily kicks him out and he flees to avoid any legal troubles like getting registered as a sex offender.
