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Characters / A Clash of NEETs

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  • The Chosen Many: Twelve in total, and reincarnated for the very specific purpose of saving the world from both the Great Other and the Lord Of Light.
  • OOC Is Serious Business: All of the Reincarnators have moments of this, often hammering home the fact that while they all retain the same souls, base personalities, and characters traits of their originals, living in Westeros and their upbringings has colored how they view the world. In some cases (like Yunyun), these have actually made their lives better.
  • Past-Life Memories: None of them remember their previous lives (yet), but small details slip through; Kazuma and Megumin instinctively calling eachother a "NEET" and "Chuunibyou," despite those terms not existing in Westeros is the earliest example, but over time they start relearning their signature magic and skills.

    Kazuma Baratheon
"Real adventures suck! You get cold, and go hungry, and have to work hard and wake up early!"

Eldest Prince and heir of Robert Baratheon, secret lovechild between Cersei and her twin brother Jaime, Kazuma nonetheless has far more in common with his "father" Robert. In another life, he was a shut-in NEET who died a humiliating death, and was given the chance to reincarnate by Aqua... whom he decided to drag along for the ride, foolishly believing the goddess would actually be useful in his new world. After slaying the Devil King, and eventually dying a natural death, Aqua recruited him as her new "Champion."

Kazuma is both quick and clever, and very, very lucky, with a nack for coming up with convoluted and daring schemes on the spot. He's also a lazy pervert, but unlike the prince whose place he took, he's actually capable of empathy.

For tropes relating to him in canon, see here.

  • Adaptational Nice Guy: While still very much a pervert (to the point even King Robert realizes he didn't do foolish things like panty theft at his age) and something of a layabout, Kazuma is a far better person and less prone to laziness than his original counterpart, likely owing to his station and having parents who are less apt to allow him to stay idle. He also retains the social mores of modern Japan, making his views on equality, the disabled, and the poor seem positively revolutionary compared to the average Westeros citizen.
  • Adaptation Dye-Job: Being Cersei and Jaime's son means he inherits the Lannister blond locks.
  • Archer Archetype: He still has his signature "Snipe" ability. He hasn't fully realized it yet, but he hits his target far more often than he misses. He also possesses the archetypal archer's calm detachment, but in his case, it is more apathy than focus.
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: Really doesn't want to admit how much he likes his betrothed, Megumin. The feeling is mutual.
  • Big Brother Instinct: He confides to Ned that he tracked down every one of Robert's bastards, and made sure they'd be well-provided for. Of course, none of them are actually his little brothers and sisters, but he doesn't know that...
  • Born Lucky: His Luck-stat remains unfairly high. During his mock duel with Jon Snow, he dodges every blow through sheer intuition. In his own words, "I'm not good, I'm lucky."
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: He likes reading books and can be quite smart. The problem is that he usually hates putting on the hard work to actually achieve greatness.
  • Broken Pedestal: After Robert dies, Kazuma is given the blessing of seeing him one more time, in his prime at that. But after seeing Robert very visibly fooling around with Satella in the afterlife, he can only turn away in disgust and swears that he'll be better with Megumin than his father was with Cersei.
  • Calling Your Attacks: He shouts "Snipe!" when he shoots with his bow.
  • Combat Pragmatist: When teaching Megumin to fight, his advice is "Throw dirt in their eye and kick them in the balls." She immediately does so. To him.
  • Covert Pervert: The Red Keep maids have nicknamed him "Pervzuma" because he keeps stealing their underclothes, and Robert (no stranger to the idea) admits that Kazuma is worse than he was at that same age.
  • Like Father, Like Son: Is seen to share his father Robert's lustful nature, stubbornness, laziness and impulsitivy. Ned muses that Kazuma is just like Robert at his age and doesn't understand why Baelish insists to focus on their differences.
  • Like Father, Unlike Son: However in contrast, Kazuma is a noted scholar, can be pushed to be a fair and just ruler and is monogamous.
  • Neet: He is still one of these, except this time the term stands for "Never Ever Exiting Territory". He would never ever exit his own bedroom if he could avoid it.
  • The Nicknamer: He admits he's terrible with names, and so regularly hands out bad nicknames. Robb and Jon are "R Dawg" and "Big J." This may be some of his Past-Life Memories coming to the surface, as Aqua does the same thing when she shows up as "Mizu" at Ned's Tournament.

    Yunyun Stark 
House Stark's eldest daughter, she possesses a gentle spirit and a penchant for making friends out of anyone she meets. In another life, she was a friendless Crimson Demon with great magical potential and power, but ended up joining a group of heroes that would lead the defeat of the Devil King. After her natural death, she became one of the Seven Goddesses' champions, and reincarnated to help save worlds.
  • 100% Adoration Rating: Her attitude makes it easy for her to achieve this. When the Royal caravan and the Starks leave Winterfell, the entire population shows up - to say goodbye to Yunyun, and one woman warns the King that he better protect her.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: She's the one person in the world that tries to be friends with everyone. Hurt her brother, and count yourself lucky if she just vaporizes you.
  • Friendless Background: Averted! The same qualities that made her an outcast among the Crimson Demons in her past life are actually a tremendous benefit in Westeros. Everyone is Yunyun's friend. It's a plot point the one time this isn't the case.
  • Friend to All Living Things: She's very eager to make friends with people, and likes nearly everyone. It's to the point where if she doesn't like someone - like Littlefinger - the adults take it as a sign that person shouldn't be trusted too much.
  • Proper Lady: She bashfully declares that her goal is becoming a proper lady, and she certainly has the friendliness and gentleness for the trope. She is also eager to play peacemaker.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: She still has glowing red eyes, but don't worry, that just means she wants to be your friend!
  • Sibling Yin-Yang: She is Megumin's twin sister in this verse, and she is quieter, gentler and saner than her.

    Megumin Stark
House Stark's second daughter, she's everything her twin sister Yunyun is not: loud, violent, boisterous and wanting to become a knight. In another life, she was Kazuma's first non-divine companion, and (even though she only used the Explosion spell) she would become fundamental to him, to the point that they actually fell in love and married. After her death, she became one of the Seven Goddesses' champions, being reincarnated in worlds that need saving.
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: Really doesn't want to admit how much she likes her betrothed, Kazuma. The feeling is mutual.
  • Chuunibyou: She is MEGUMIN, Arch Mage of the House of Stark and wielder of the enchanted blade Chunchumaru! (It's actually a sawed-off broom handle.)
  • Got Me Doing It: Megumin's cheer is infectious.
    • Her brothers sometimes join her in practicing dramatic Crimson Demon style posing and declarations.
    • During an adventurous hunt through the woods, Kazuma can only remain aloof from her make-believe battling for so long before he gets swept up in it.
  • OOC Is Serious Business: Played for Laughs. When she asks Eris whether she can learn more spells, Eris goes to check whether Megumin is sick.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: She still has red eyes, and they still glow when she is excited.
  • Person of Mass Destruction: With enough concentration, she can wield EXPLOSION!
  • Sibling Yin-Yang: She is Yunyun's twin sister in this verse, and much louder, stranger, and more violent.
  • Tomboy Princess: The second daughter of the House of Stark is boisterous and rude, lacking the grace a noblewoman is expected to have.
    Komekko Stark 
The Starks' youngest daughter, she possesses an apparently bottomless stomach and is prone to play games with her imaginary friend Vanir. Beneath that mask lies a born manipulator that can easily blackmail anyone she finds doing naughty things - and the controller of a not-so-imaginary Demon Lord Vanir.
  • Big Eater: She is always hungry. Always. She could eat a full suckling pig by herself and still have room for a lot more.
  • Blackmail: Loves to do this to people when she catches them doing something they really shouldn't be doing such as Cersei and Jaime doing their thing in the Broken Tower to get favors and/or food out of them. She mentions Theon owes her a lot of dinners.
  • Does Not Like Magic: She has been told that only naughty people use magic, so she doesn't use magic because she is a good girl. This doesn't stop her using mind-wipe magic or Magically Binding Contract or having a demon lord follow her around but she's trying to be a good girl.
  • Kid with the Leash: She has Vanir bound to her will, so he won't kill anyone or even use magic if she tells him not to.
  • Klingon Promotion: Before getting reincarnated, she apparently became Duchess of the Circle Of Gluttony (one of the sublayers of Hell) by eating the old Duke, Super-Kami Guru.
  • Extreme Omnivore: Pigeons, rats, strange things off the ground, souls of other humans, it doesn't matter. She'll eat it without thinking twice about it.
  • The Mind Is a Plaything of the Body: Komekko is actually an incredibly powerful, cunning, and ruthless Devil Queen, whose conquered Hell multiple times; however, in her reincarnated form she's still a child, and acts and thinks like a child would... or, at least, like a child who'll grow up to become a powerful, cunning, and ruthless Devil Queen.
    "Vanir, I’m seven. Stop using big words, they make my head hurt."
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Big time. Her efforts to save Jon by brining him Back from the Dead, while sucessful, have a bit of an unforseen consequence in that she did it right under the Wall; since undeath magic is inherently unholy, and the Seven's holy magic was the only thing holding the Wall together, her ritual had the unintended consequence of bringing down the entire Wall right as Arthas is beginning his invasion .
  • Villain Protagonist: Sees herself as one, anyway, though Word of God is that she's "trying to do a low-corruption run and make mommy and daddy proud."

    Margaery "Darkness" Tyrell
"I cannot violate their will, though I would dearly love to throw myself into battle, battered and attacked on every side by those powerful, dangerous men, used as their training dummy and-"
The only daughter of Mace and Alerie Tyrell. One very eccentric woman who shames her family with her wish to become a knight - and also with her secret desire of being attacked.
  • Action Girl: She's a bona-fide knight who traveled through the Reach, stopping bandits and helping people.
  • Adaptation Dye-Job: Darkness goes from blond to brunette - the reverse process Kazuma has.
  • Adaptation Name Change: Sort of. In canon, her real name was "Lalatina Dustiness Ford" and Darkness was just a nickname she chose because of how embarrassing she found that name to be. Here, her real name is "Margaery Tyrell" (which she finds just as embarrassing as Lalatina) and she still insists on people calling her "Darkness".
  • Aren't You Going to Ravish Me?: She has to repeat to Robb several times that she wants him to take her, and after their duel she tells him to take advantage of her as much as he wants.
  • Awesome Moment of Crowning: After saving Robb from Gregor Clegane, King Robert decides to knight her.
  • Combat Sado Masochist: Darkness remains herself, yes; her response to Robb being transformed into a werewolf and attacking her with murderous intent? Excitement.
  • Made of Iron: Her debut has her take several lances from Jaime Lannister without moving from her horse and then shatter Gregor Clegane's sword by stopping it with her body. Girl may as well be made of adamantium.
  • Ship Tease: With Robb. He's implied to develop feelings for her after saving him in the Hand's Tourney. Darkness similarly develops feelings for Robb after the latter is turned into a feral werewolf. No, we're not making that up.

    Iris Targaryen
The Stormborn, Aerys the Mad's daughter and Viserys' sister. Blessed by Goddess Athena, she is probably one of the world's most powerful people, as she's capable of fighting entire armies on her own without suffering an injury. Unfortunately, this has given her a taste for violence in which she loves to engage.
  • Adaptational Villainy: Kind of. Iris is still, at her core, a moral and just person; but unlike in canon, where she had the Royal Family, her retainers, and eventually Kazuma to all teach her and guide her, here the only authority figure in her life was Viserys, who's too cowardly and weak-willed to even try and tell her she can't do something. Couple that with her overwhelming power, which guarantees no one short of the Goddesses can actually stop her from doing anything, and she's developed a belief that she knows what's right, and that she's justified in massacring anyone who doesn't submit, simply because it's always worked and no one has the courage to tell her otherwise.
  • Big Brother Worship: Her big bro, Viserys, is so incredible that he will definitely become the King of the Seven Kingdoms! And also her husband.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Whatever reality Iris lives in, it doesn't seem to be the same as everyone else. She doesn't seem to understand most people are not as indestructible as she is, and her various obsessions make her priorities questionable at best.
  • Giving Radio to the Romans: Her many times in other worlds where she rose to power through democratic means have bled through - among other things, she insists on bringing trial by jury as part of her law system.
  • Grievous Harm with a Body: It doesn't matter if she is bare-handed in a fight. She'll just rip someone's arm off and beat them to death with it. She's done it before.
  • Kicking Ass in All Her Finery: When she showed up to her wedding to Khal Drogo in a wedding dress instead of plate armor, Viserys thought she was being reasonable for once. Hehe-nope. She breaks two of Drogo's limbs, kills his bodyguards, and then routes his best warriors while wearing the wedding dress.
  • Little Miss Badass: She was this in canon, but between her sheltered lifestyle, distance from the main cast, and a desire to keep her from being a Game-Breaker, she rarely got the chance to show it. She is under no such restriction here, and her Establishing Character Moment has her single-handedly slaughter Khal Drogo's army.
  • Made of Iron: Takes a crossbow bolt to the back of the head at point-blank range, and has only a small trickle of blood to show for it. That, and a manic grin.
    Iris: I felt that!
  • No Sense of Direction: She could probably conquer Westeros on her lonesome without much difficulty... if she could find it. This girl can't read a map to save her life.
    Aqua: Look, I had to make something her Dump Stat, and "Knowledge: Geography" didn't seem like it would come up much!
    Septa Cecily 
Formerly an extremely eccentric grifter turned Axis Priestess in Belzerg, here Cecily has been reincarnated as... an extremely eccentric Axis Septa turned teacher. She's responsible for the Stark girls' education, and though she's undeniably odd she seems to be doing a decent job.
  • Adaptation Personality Change: Her lolicon leanings were severely toned down upon reincarnation; instead, she's "just" an "incredibly thirsty lesbian".
  • Healing Hands: As an Axis Septa, she has access to healing magic, a rarity even on the much more high-magic version of Westeros.
  • Pals with Jesus: She's part of the Seven's group-chat, and was honestly shocked to learn that this isn't normal for Septas. For context, it's actually not that unusual for the Goddesses to directly commune with their followers (the High Septa of the Axis Cult usually hears from Aqua at least once a month), but it's highly unusual to have such personal, frequent contact with them.
  • Ms. Exposition: "Septa Cecily's Guide," which explains vital Worldbuilding and backstory about this altered Westeros, are framed as her giving lectures to the Stark children, and later on the other Children Of Destiny as well.
  • Shipper on Deck: For Athena/Pegasus.
    I swear she and the Pegasus are lovers but everyone tells me they’re not. But I still ship it. SHUT UP HESTIA I CAN HEAR YOU!
  • Too Kinky to Torture: Downplayed, but she actually gets aroused when Cersei threatens to kill her.

    Claire Greyjoy 
Once, Claire Symphonia was the bodyguard and mentor of the Princess of Belzerg. And perhaps just a bit of a lolicon. After taking service with Eris as one of her Champions, she's been reincarnated as Claire Greyjoy. Unlike most Ironborn, she seems to value order and obey rules. She also has a distaste for being called a pirate, despite thoroughly earning the title of the Scourge of the Narrow Sea.
  • Butch Lesbian: Comes across as a dignified naval woman and Captain of her ship and unashamedly sleeps with female prostitutes.
  • Everyone Loves Blondes: Has a preference for blonde whores.
  • The Heretic: Unlike most Ironborn, she worships the Seven, not the Drowned Goddess. Mostly because she's met the Drowned Goddess, and would like nothing better than to file a restraining order against her.
  • Insistent Terminology: She and her crew are privateers, not pirates, thank you very much!
  • The Lad-ette: Claire comes as adult man: dignified, speaks plainly to her brother and sleeps with blonde whores on her shore leave but acts as an officer and a gentlewoman despite being a privateer.
  • Undying Loyalty: Despite it being reincarnated, Claire is still loyal to Iris and seeks to restore her to her throne.
  • Villain Respect: Respects Theon's love and loyalty to the Starks even if she thinks its misguided.

    Rain Lannister 
Formerly Iris's magic and etiquette tutor, Rain was something of a wall flower from a minor noble family who wished for greatness and fortune. Now, she's been reincarnated a the daughter of Ser Kevin Lannister, one of the most powerful men in the realm. She still lives in the shadow of Casterly Rock, but retains a romantic streak.
  • Gender Lift: She's the local version of Lancel Lannister.
    Dust Martell 
Formerly a Lancer from a far of kingdom who had a penchant for rule breaking and trouble making, Dust has been reborn as Doran Martell's second son and Kazuma's friend and partner-in-crime.
  • Digging Yourself Deeper: Has yet to learn that his Motor Mouth keeps doing this to him.
  • Made of Iron: Falling from the tower where Lean's rooms are would have just caused some bruises, at least as far as he can tell.
  • Motor Mouth: He keeps this trait. The narration helpfully mentions that all of his reincarnations have been like this.
  • Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Dominates Gregor Clegane in a fight even though he's barely twelve.
    Lean Baratheon 
Stannis Baratheon's only child, she was born thanks to the intervention of the Seven Goddesses, but Stannis believes he was cursed because, for some unexplained reason, the girl has a raccoon tail. This a holdover from her past life as Dust's Adventuring companion and lover, though the origins of her tail were similarly unexplained in Belzerg.
Could anyone so precious really be evil?
A gentle, beautiful, apparently immortal woman who lives north of the Wall, she is actually a lich who once lived in the town of Axel, 'living' off selling things in her shop. When the Wall was created and it became clear the people living north of it would be bereft of the protection of the Goddesses, Aqua convince Wiz to come to Westeros and help the Free Folk, among whom she eventually started a shop that would later become the region's Truce Zone.
  • Attractive Zombie: She's a very beautiful woman that is also a Lich.
  • Berserk Button: People hurting the innocent or violating her Truce Zone. The latter only happened one time, and people got the message.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Probably one of the nicest people on Westeros, Wiz is sweet, shy, and kind. If you do manage to get her angry though, you're best served saying your prayers.
  • Buxom Is Better: Jon notes her being very well-endowed.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: She's a Lich, but she's also the first line of defence against the Great Other and works to protect the Free Folk from the Others and the wights.
  • Nice Girl: She is very, very nice.
    Chris Dayne 
Ashara Dayne's daughter, Chris is an experienced thief who preys on the rich, mostly for her own amusement. She looks remarkably like the Goddess Eris. Turns out there is a good reason.
  • Divine Parentage: Eris is one of her mothers.
  • Has Two Mommies: While the reasons behind it are so far unknown, it appears that Eris and Ashara are her actual mothers.
  • Lovable Rogue: Considering who her mother is, it was probably inescapable.
  • Sticky Fingers: If she has the chance, she is likely to rob whatever is in her sight. Even if it is Eris' bracelets.

Westeros Mortals

    Viserys Targaryen
One of the last surviving members of the Targaryen line, Viserys is technically the heir of Aegon the Mad. While he may once have dreamed of conquering Westeros and reclaiming his birthright, years of raising his super-human, and questionably sane little sister have exhausted him to the point where all he dreams of these days is a quiet, peaceful life surrounded by books - a dream that looks less and less likely as Iris drags him along as she pursues her own destiny.
“All I want is to live in peace and comfort, and maybe have a woman who isn’t totally insane. Is that really too much to ask?”

  • Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: Is given this role by the goddesses, which he is not happy about, as he'd rather stay as far away from Iris as possible. There seems to be a degree of divine punishment going on the longer he shirks his duties, as his various attempts to get away from Iris's conquests have led to him nearly getting sacrificed to Kefka.
  • Does Not Like Spam: Becomes a vegetarian after seeing several people being executed by means of dragonfire.
  • He-Man Woman Hater: Downplayed. While he doesn't show it openly, his sister's actions have made him quite the misogynist. In his letter to the Citadel to attempt to become a Maester, he includes a history of the Targaryens where he blames most of the family's ills to the females, tends to measure the Targaryen men's craziness by their eagerness to marry their sisters and ignores well known facts when they would put women in a good place.
  • I Just Want to Be Normal: He wants to find a calm life away from the craziness his sister seems to cause. He's contemplating becoming a maester.
  • Only Sane Man: As Viserys is terrified of his sister and seems to be aware of how insane Planetos has become, he frequently comes off as the sole voice of reason. Not that anyone ever listens to him.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: One of his life goals is to escape from his sister and the madness she causes around herself.

    King Robert Baratheon 
King of Westeros, adopted brother of Ned, notorious womanizer and the current occupant of the Iron Throne. His edge has dulled in recent years due to his lifestyle and loveless marriage to Cersei, but he's spurred into action at the death of Jon Arryn.
  • Adaptational Nice Guy: He's less harsh towards Cersei compared to his canon counterpart, likely due to Kazuma's influence (as he felt terrible shame when his son walked in on him and Cersei in the middle of a screaming match when he was still a boy). He also seems to have adopted Kazuma's views on "true gender equality" by being willing to knight Brienne and Darkness when they prove their mettle during Ned's tourney.
  • Adipose Rex: As in canon, Robert has put on a significant amount of weight since taking the throne due to his hedonistic lifestyle, though he is still able to fit into his armor for the tourney he throws for Ned (and ends up competing in), though this is because Aqua literally blessed him so he could squeeze into it.
  • Formerly Fit: Zigzagged. He's grown fat due to overindulging, but make no mistake — Robert is just as capable of kicking ass as he was in his youth, whittling down over forty other competitors over an hour straight of fighting (with assistance from Brienne and Jaime) in the melee portion of the tourney and thoroughly schooling his younger brother Renly in the process. The "zag" occurs later on, as the effort of fighting so hard for so long after his decade of inactivity puts too much strain on a heart already weakened by his indulgences, and Robert dies from a mere heart attack rather than being assassinated.
  • The High King: Subverted. Robert isn't nearly as terrible as his predecessor, but his lackadaisical attitude towards ruling and his bitterness at being stuck on the throne had allowed corruption to run rampant among his Small Council (setting the stage for Stannis's coup after he dies). As Ned tells Kazuma when the latter asks him if Robert was a good king, he states that while Robert was a good (if neglectful) man, he was a bad king.
  • Large and in Charge: While not nearly as tall as Sandor or The Mountain, Robert is still huge and even Jaime acknowledges that when Robert chooses to act kingly, everybody listens.
    Eddard Stark
The Lord of the North, he rules from Winterfell with velvet glove.
  • Good Parents: Despite having a trio of the oddest little girls in the history of the world as his daughters, Eddard and Catelyn have both been very good parents to Robb, Yunyun, Megumin, Komekko and Rickon. Indeed, Eddard even seems to be taking up fatherly duties for Kazuma as well, giving the young man plenty of paternal advice and encouragement.
  • Honor Before Reason: Like his canon counterpart, Ned remains perhaps the most honorable man in the realm. However, due to the interferences of the Seven and raising daughters like Megumin, Yunyun, and Komekko, Ned is also much more pragmatic. As much as he values his honor, he'll put his family first (which extends to Kazuma, who sees him as a father figure as Robert tends to be neglectful).
  • Only Sane Man: Ends up finding himself as this during the travel to King's Landing and then back again after Robert dies and Stannis attempts to install himself on the throne, as Olenna and Cersei are doing their best to push him into making alliances by marrying off his children.
  • Papa Wolf: Due to the... unique nature of his daughters and the omens surrounding their births, Ned is much more apt to act in the interests of his family rather than his sense of honor. Oddly enough, this is the main reason Cersei decides to put her trust in him, as she realizes his protective nature extends to her own children as well.
  • Parental Substitute: For Kazuma and his siblings. Ned himself realizes this fairly early on, as Myrcella and Tommen all but cling to him and he steps up to serve as Kazuma's mentor to honor Robert's dying words.
  • Selective Obliviousness: Due to reciprocating the Baratheon children's parent bond, when he confront Cersei he deliberately gives her opening to 'disprove' his suspcions. Ned didn't want to ruin their lives because he knew them as good kids, especially Kazama, who has the markings of a good king and is practically his daughter's soulmate.

    Robb Stark 
Eddard Stark's eldest son.
  • Amazon Chaser: One of the reasons for his attraction to Darkness is her prowess in fighting.
  • Hormone-Addled Teenager: Much like in canon. At least here his target is Margaery "Darkness" Tyrell, who is more than able of keeping up with him and less of a political bomb.
  • Our Werewolves Are Different: At the end of Book 1, he becomes a werewolf after he almost gets killed by some of Stannis' men.

     Lyanna Mormont
"I have a hard time knowing how strong I am when I am angry."
Daughter of Maege Mormont. Her father is the Bear of the Isle, one of the few remaining Old Gods. She is Komekko's best friend, and far more terrifying than any eight-year-old has any right to be (except Komekko).
  • Adaptational Badass: Lyanna in canon was already a badass, to the point of becoming one of the fandom's biggest Memetic Badasses - Word of God is that this version of her is what happens when all those memes are completely accurate.
  • Divine Parentage: Her father is the Bear of the Isle, an Old God, much like Holo. Apparently, he and Maege have been lovers for years.
  • Our Werebeasts Are Different: She's a were-bear, as Lord Umber found out the hard way when he insulted Komekko.

    Theon Greyjoy
Balon Greyjoy's only surviving son, he has been living in Winterfell for more than a decade since his father's rebellion. The many events that happen after Jon Arryn's death cause his destiny to veer in a very different direction than expected.
  • Did You Just Romance Cthulhu?: Thanks to his tendency to think with his lower brain, Theon finds himself in bed with the Drowned Goddess, though he is blissfully unaware of the fact until he sees her actually transforming.
  • Hormone-Addled Teenager: Theon is a decent fellow and has the trust of his "brothers", but he often finds himself taking questionable actions in his quest to get laid. He frequents brothels (and ended up hitting on his sister) and has nearly ended up in hot water several times due to his actions.
  • Family of Choice: He makes it abundantly clear to his sister that, as far as he's concerned, Eddard Stark is his father, and the Stark children are his siblings; if the Ironborn try and rebel, he'll be on the side of his real family.
  • Gender Bender: Is turned into Theona by a righteously pissed of Nyarko after she catches him in bed with a prostitute; nobody can dredge up much sympathy for him.
  • Reincarnation Romance: Possibly, if Nyarko is to be believed, he's the reincarnation of Mahiro Yasuka, hence her obsession with him; Aqua disputes it though. Unfortunately, neither of them is a particularly reliable source...
  • Too Dumb to Live: He thought Nyarko would be OK with him cheating on her. When she learns about it, she turns him into a woman and the prostitute he slept with into a fish.

The Seven

    The Seven As A Whole 
  • Fantastic Racism: For all their nobility, it's important to remember that the Seven are the goddesses of humanity. Their attitudes towards non-human species varies from "don't bother us and we won't bother you" to outright xenophobia, depending on that race's attitude towards humanity; to an extent, Justified, as some of the Seven (Madoka in particular) have had very negative experiences with alien races in the past.
  • Fantasy Pantheon
  • Final Solution: They're not opposed to wiping out races that pose a significant threat to mankind; there are no more Incubators in any world or timeline they have access to, for just one example.
  • The Gods Must Be Lazy: Averted; the Seven are very proactive and involved in the lives of their worshippers. Westeros is a unique case, as the more they interfere, the more the Lord Of Light's prison weakens, so they have to keep their direct involvement more sparse than they normally would.
  • God Is Good: Fantastic Racism aside, very much so.
  • God Is Flawed: That said, they're far from flawless, and their best intentions can still sometimes go wrong, just like with mortals.
  • God Needs Prayer Badly: A god/goddess' power is directly tied to how many followers they have. Word of God has described it like a pool they draw from to fuel miracles and other divine actions.
  • God's Hands Are Tied: Downplayed; every time they intervene directly, it weakens the prison of the Lord Of Light, so they have to keep things at least a bit hands-off to keep him imprisoned as long as possible. They'll still help as much as they can get away with though.
  • Greater-Scope Paragon: While the story focuses on their action in Westeros, they actually are worshipped and have active operations on worlds across the multiverse, working to turn as many Crapsack Worlds around as they can. The prequel story What If The Emperor Found A Bunch Of Anime Goddesses shows their efforts in the Warhammer 40,000 galaxy (sort of), and the sidestory Seven Stars has them discovering the world of The Promised Neverland.
  • Hot God: Just take a look at the artwork below - every one of them is an absolutely beautiful young woman. Even Madoka, despite having been a child when she ascended and still looking younger than the others, is angelic in appearance.
  • Little Miss Almighty: A pantheon entirely of female deities, none of whom look older than twenty (though they are of course much older).
  • Out of Focus: For A Clash Of Neets, most of the godesses besides Aqua and Eris are relegated to background roles, since the focus in on their champions. What If The Emperor Found A Bunch Of Anime Godesses gives more spotlight to the pantheon as a whole, and Madoka in paticular.
  • Rag Tag Bunch Of Misfits: A pantheon of them. Of the seven, four of them were outcast from their previous pantheons for being too involved with mortals (Aqua, Eris, Hestia, and Ristarte), one was a half-elf witch/Yandere (Satella), and another was on the verge of transforming into a world-devouring monster before she got help (Madoka). Somehow, they've become an effective force for multi-versal good and a powerful pantheon.
  • Red Baron: They all have one or more secondary titles they go by:
Life is short and hard, so why worry about it? Have fun while you’re here!
The Goddess of Joy. Previously, she was forced to join Kazuma in his quest to defeat the Devil King when he chose her as his "magical item". In spite of her incompetence as a goddess, nonetheless, she was part of the group that achieved said task, allowing her to recover her position as Goddess. She's the Goddess that has more openly intervened in the world.
  • 0% Approval Rating: Well, not zero - the Axis Cult is still a recognized and influential part of the religion, and she does have followers among the small folk - but it's no secret that the Kinslayer is her fault, and her popularity among the Seven took a massive hit for it.
  • Be Careful What You Wish For: It was implied in the King's Tourney that a part of Aqua wants a return to the good old days in as an adventurer in Belzerg... which she gets when Kefka tricks her into turning herself mortal, unable to return to the heavens until she and Kazuma beat both him and Arthas. Basically, brought back to the beginning of Konosuba.
  • Brough Down To Normal: Kefka tricks her into assuming mortal form... again... so that she can save the people of King's Landing when he sets off Aerys' old wildfire caches. She'll be stuck like that until both Kefka and Arthas are defeated.
  • Did Not Think This Through: The creation of the Kinslayer started with a genuinely well-intentioned plan of hers, but she stopped to consider all the ways that reincarnating one of the deadliest and most evil villains in the multiverse to stop Kefka could go wrong. Namely, it never occurred to her that Arthas, even given a second chance at life, would willingly choose to become the Lich King all over again, consequences be damned.
  • The Ditz: Of the Seven, she is not the brightest, and even her most devout followers, like Cecily, acknowledge this.
  • For Happiness: What her cult is basically all about: living life to the fullest and enjoying it as much as possible, so long as you don't hurt anyone in the process; this usually translates into throwing a lot of parties.
  • Locked Out of the Loop: The only person in the cosmos who was unaware that Eris and Chris are the same person; not that anyone made any attempt to hide it from her, mind you, it's just that... she's Aqua.
  • My Greatest Failure: She was the one that reincarnated Arthas Menethil, hoping that giving him a second chance to be a hero would work. Instead, he merged with the Great Other, forming the Lich King.
  • Open Mouth, Insert Foot: She made the mistake of calling Kazuma her "Champion" where Megumin could hear.
  • Sad Clown: Aqua, as always, is up to the same buffoonery she did back in Belzerg, but between all her mortal friends being dead (as the Reincarnators are shown to not be direct copies of their originals) and Arthas's betrayal, she seems to be clinging to happier times. Her sneaking off to hang with/mooch off of Kazuma and Megumin during the Tournament can be seen as her trying to relive her old memories.
The wise must always seek peace and harmony, and to settle their disputes with grace and kindness. However, when evil arises, do not abide it. Do not watch, do not wait. When you find evil, make war upon it. Fight for the good of all, and with courage and strength, and I shall be with you. - Saints of Athens
The Goddess of Wisdom.
The future is a tricky thing. Sometimes you can see shapes of what is to come, other times it’s nothing but mist. But don’t worry. As long as I’m here, I’ll be stealing a bit of the future for you, one job at a time. - The Book of Fair Fortune
The Goddess of Luck.
  • The Almighty Dollar: One of her primary domains is commerce and wealth; did we mention she's the patron goddess of the (ludicrously wealthy) Lannisters?
  • Deity of Human Origin: Eris was born a mortal; after defeating her era's Devil King, Aqua helped her achieve apotheosis as a reward.
  • Guile Hero: As a mortal, she was a noble thief who used her wits to outsmart her foes, even defeating her era's Devil King this way.
  • Loveable Rogue: The Goddess of Loveable Rogues, as a matter of fact; she was one herself in life, and even after becoming a goddess she continued moonlighting as Chris the thief. She's stated to paticularly favor those who rob from the rich (though she's flexible about the "give to the poor" part).
  • Parental Hypocrisy: When chiding Chris for stealing from her altar, Chris fires back that Eris stole from other altars when she was mortal.
  • Shipper on Deck: She helped start the Lannister bloodline when she aided a common thief in wooing a princess, even presiding over their secret marriage herself. They made a cute couple!
    Madoka Kami
I am the hope of mankind. No matter the despair you face, no matter the evils before you, trust in me, and I shall be your light in your darkest hour. - The Book of Hope
The Goddess of Hope.
  • Deity of Human Origin: As in canon, Madoka Kaname was an ordinary middle-schooler, before a cleverly worded wish, combined with Homura's time-hopping giving her a truly ridiculous amount of karmic potential, allowed her to become the Law Of Cycles, and eventually took up the role of the Goddess Of Hope.
  • Despair Event Horizon: She nearly crossed it in the past, and would have if her cry for help hadn't reached Hestia and Athena.
  • Enemy Within: Kriemhild Gretchen, Witch Of Despair; she was defeated once by Pegasus Seiya and has been well under wraps ever since, but Madoka is still, at her core, a Puella Magi - if she ever gave in to her despair, Gretchen can and will re-emerge.
  • Top God: Despite being younger and less experienced than some of the other members of her pantheon, Madoka is far and away the most powerful, and the others defer to her as their de-facto leader.
It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you’re from. Here, you are welcome. Come inside, the fire’s warm, and dinner’s just about ready. Leave your troubles at the door because here, you are family. - The Heart and the Hearth, opening Verse
The Goddess of Family. After the events in Orario, she managed to make Bell immortal and married him.
  • 100% Adoration Rating: The most universally beloved goddess of all the Seven. No matter how good they are, they'll always be somebody who finds a reason to dislike one of the goddesses, but, as Cecily puts it, "everybody loves their mother." The fact that she's single-handedly responsible for the abundant prosperity of the south's harvests doesn't hurt either.
  • Earth Mother: A goddess of harvest and family. Hestia is a mother that wants her worshippers to eat well and give her grandchildren. Hestia's Familia are responsible for the orphanages of Westeros and give alms in food and hygeine products. A major require for her cultist is to get married and to raise or adopt children and gives fertility blessing for both field and family.
  • Food God: Is the reason that Westeros doesn't have famine and Cecily admits that Familia cultists have the best food. Is extremely popular with farmers and the smallfolk.
  • Good Is Not Soft: Is one of the three Judges that determine a soul's punishment in the afterlife: she judges all the good deeds committing and let you if she finds someone lacking.
  • I Want Grandkids: Views all the mortal followers of the Seven as he children, and part of her liturgy involves encouraging them to have and/or adopt as many children as possible, giving many, many grandchildren to dote upon.
  • Odd Job Gods: Is also the Goddess of Dental Hygiene.

Within these pages is wisdom that came hard-won. Be cautious and heed it, and you will live long and happily. Ignore it, and you make the same mistakes that lead even a goddess to her doom. - The Book of New Growth
The Goddess of Healing. She is currently married to Seiya.

No matter if the world has spurned you, or if you have nothing to give, know that I am jealous for you, and that I long for you to join me in my halls one day. I have prepared a place for you, a place for you to rest and be renewed. I shall embrace you as a long-lost lover when we meet, and though I am envious of our time together, after you are refreshed, I shall send you to the world once more. But you shall always come back to me. -The Scripture of Envy
The Goddess of Death. Previously, she was a half-elf that had been possessed by the Witch of Envy, until Madoka's intervention not only freed her but also allowed her to absorb the Witch's power.
  • Deity of Human Origin: Well, Half-Elf origin, anyway.
  • Don't Fear the Reaper: As death gods go, Satella is actually very sweet and kind; her afterlife is a quiet, peaceful realm where souls can rest and recover before their eventual reincarnation; that said, for the unrepentantly wicked souls, she's far less gentle.
  • Exact Words: As it turns out, the whole thing about loving people is quite literal, such as sleeping with Robert Baratheon after he arrives to her Realm.
  • Just Friends: Despite taking many lovers, and the two being very close, she and Subaru were never romantically involved, even after he became her Champion.
  • Yandere: Much like her canon self, but aimed at all of humanity. However, it is Downplayed. Since she is the Goddess of Death, everybody will eventually come to her embrace, and if someone is resurrected she knows they will have to come back at some point.

Other Deities

    The Lord Of Light (WALKING SPOILER!)

The Lord of Light and Laughter, not much is known about the mysterious God of the Red Priests, though the power they can wield fuel by Human Sacrifice leaves little doubt as to what kind of world he'll create once all the other gods, New and Old, bow to his strength.

  • The Corrupter: While his physical form is still shackled, his will is still powerful enough to sway those who come close, tempting them with fortune and power and then twisting their minds.
  • Deity of Human Origin: His backstory is pretty much the same as it was in Final Fantasy VI, just transplanted into ancient Westeros; a human mage who tricked his king into granting him the opportunity to devour the Old Gods and gain their power, then used it to lay waste to the world.
  • Leaking Can of Evil: While he cannot escape the seal that keeps him in his Sealed Evil in a Can, he can still influence what's outside.
  • Light Is Not Good: A shining example.
  • Monster Clown: As always. His followers paint their faces with crude clown imagery, a Shout-Out to The Dark Knight's version of The Joker.
  • Sealed Evil in a Can: For now, and we hope he stays that way. Doesn't stop him from causing trouble though.
    The Drowned God (WALKING SPOILER!)
What is dead may never die, but RISES AGAIN, Harder and Stronger! - Nyarko-san, actually managing to get some blatant innuendo as her scripture.

  • All Women Are Lustful: Half of her Establishing Character Moment is her asking if she can sleep either with Claire or Theon. The moment Theon becomes open towards bedding her, she jumps his bones in all her tentacled glory - cue SAN-draining sex.
  • Anything That Moves: While her affections are currently zeroed in on the Greyjoy siblings, Septa Cecily's Guide says that "her preferences seem to be somewhere in the range of 'yes.'"
  • Brainwashed and Crazy: Euron Greyjoy is able to take complete control of her using an artifact called "The Fork Of Mahiro."
  • Chaotic Neutral: On the one hand, she is an ally against Kefka and Arthas, and expressly forbids human sacrifice in her religion. On the other, she aids her followers in raiding, pillaging, and slave-taking. Also, initiation to her priesthood apparently involves literally drowning the prospective initiate, and giving them CPR for no other reason than she finds it funny. Ultimately, Nyarko is just in this for the laughs and not much else.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: Ostensibly an ally to the Seven, and equally invested in their war with Kefka and Arthas. Doesn't change the fact that she's still incredibly annoying. Even several of her worshippers consider her irritating.
  • Names to Run Away from Really Fast: She is introduced as The Crawling One with her full title being She Who Crawls on Endless Tentacles.
  • Redeeming Replacement: Considering what the Drowned God from canon could be said to be, Nyarko is certainly a step up from him.
  • You Kill It, You Bought It: She became the Drowned Goddess after defeating the actual Drowned God from canon.
    The Great Other (WALKING SPOILER!) 
The opposite to the Old Gods and Kefka, the Great Other was a being of Winter and Death. However, three hundred years ago, Aqua reincarnated Arthas Menethil to try and defeat Kefka once and for all. This went about as well as you would expect. He played out a similar story to the one in Warcraft canon, becoming a serious threat that tried to conquer Westeros with an army of undead. He was defeated and imprisoned beyond the Wall... but now he wants out.
  • The Dreaded: Everyone is terrified of the Kinslayer, and rightly so: the last time he was lose, he nearly single-handedly brought about a world-wide Zombie Apocalypse and Ice Age. The revelation that he's back is enough to get Balon Geyjoy of all people to immediately drop his plans to become King and throw his support behind Iris - he's that scared.
  • Evil Is Deathly Cold: The classic icy overlord of undeath is back, and near identical to how he was in canon.
  • Fusion Dance: Arthas and the Great Other have merged into a single entity; he is the Lich King once more.
  • He Who Must Not Be Named: Most people in Westeros refuse to use Arthas' name, calling him the Kinslayer or another title as his name is considered to be horribly cursed.
  • I Have You Now, My Pretty: Arthas' goals include wiping out all life on Planetos, killing and enslaving the goddesses, and making Wiz his queen. Not necessarily in that order. Has less to do with physical attraction and more to do with the fact that she rebuffed him when he was still human, and he never quite forgave the bruise to his ego.
  • Knight of Cerebus: Any time Arthas is present in a chapter, the screwball comedy nature of the story takes an immediate, and sharp drop into darkness and terror. When the Lich King shows up, nobody is laughing.
  • Leaking Can of Evil: He was sealed Beyond the Wall, but the seal was not perfect and he can still influence what's outside through his minions.
  • Redemption Rejection: His reincarnation was supposed to be his second chance to be the hero Aqua felt he should've been, before his fall. Upon regaining his original memories, however, he chose to follow the exact same path as his first life, consequences be damned.

     Holo, the Last Wolf
I have seen many gods come and go. There were thousands of my brothers and sisters, who once held sway across the entire world. Now, only I remain. The Last Wolf.
One of the last remaining Old Gods, and the de-factor goddess of the North. Holo is a goddess of Summer and the Harvest, a close ally of the Seven, and both patron deity, and one of the founding members of House Stark.
  • Incest Is Relative: Heavily Downplayed; she and her mortal lover Lawrence were the founders of House Stark, and she's been known to re-marry into that bloodline every few centuries despite them technically being her own descendants. However, there are enough generations between that they can barely be considered related, and it doesn't really work that way for goddesses anyway.
  • Food God: Absolutely vital as a goddess of the harvest, specifically grain. She isn't as powerful as Hestia however resulting in the North's ruggedness and small population.
  • Good Is Not Nice: Once, she found her lover was cheating on her. She turned him into a Weirwood tree then had people turn that tree into a bed - so he could always feel people sleeping on him.
  • I'm a Humanitarian: She may be a friend to humanity, but she's still a wolf - human meat is not off-limits to her.
  • Last of Her Kind: Or very near to it - the Lord Of Light and his followers did their damn best to wipe the Old Gods off the face of Planetos, and many of the ones who escaped them died fighting the Others. Holo is one of the handfuls who remains.
  • The Woobie: Even if she doesn't let it show much, Holo still watched most of her friends and family die in two back-to-back wars, including her entire pack, outlived every mortal husband she's ever had and is forced to rely on goddesses from other worlds to keep her people safe. This wolf's been through a lot, even more than her canon version.