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Blog / Myths Retold

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Blog by Cory "Ovid" O'Brien in which he recounts myths and legends from various cultures in his own irreverent vernacular. Also features some multi-part video retellings.

The mythologies covered on the blog include Classical Mythology, Norse Mythology, The Bible, Arthurian Mythology, Fairy Tales, Celtic Mythology, Arabian Nights, Native American Mythology, Egyptian Mythology, Hindu Mythology, Japanese Mythology, The Cthulhu Mythos, the works of William Shakespeare, and more.


A collection of the myths (along with several new ones) has been published as Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology. A second collection, focusing on American history, mythology, and folklore has been published as George Washington is Cash Money: A No-Bullshit Guide to the United Myths of America.

The blog itself is found here. His multi-part video retellings can be found on his Youtube channel.

This blog contains examples of:
  • all lowercase letters
  • Black Comedy Rape: Inevitable and unavoidable with the content of many of the myths, especially ones concerning Zeus. Ovid goes out of his way to laugh only at the ridiculousness of the rapes (as many involve weird myth stuff like turning people into animals) or people reacting to it in blase or irrational ways (such as falling in love with the rapist, or punishing the victim), rather than just laughing at the act of rape in itself.
  • Metaphorgotten: Used from time to time, such as in "Medea Kind of Sucks Also".
    so medea has effectively killed 2 birds with one stone
    or 2 birds with one robe i guess
    one poisoned robe
    and instead of birds it is nobles
    but the metaphor holds
  • Mundane Utility: In "Krishna is a Butterface", Krishna uses the divine effulgence of the many precious gems on his body to help him steal the neighbors' butter.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: Medea is a "barbarian witch robot dinosaur."
  • No Punctuation Is Funnier: The writing uses very Little punctuation, and is written like your average tweet or Tumblr post.
  • No Punctuation Period: The earlier stories had very little punctuation; with time Ovid shed even what little there was, so that most of his myths are completely unpunctuated (emphasis and pacing is provided instead by line/paragraph breaks and frequent use of ALL CAPS).
  • "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: In "The Miller is one Drunk Motherfucker":
  • A Rare Sentence: In "Robin Hood is for Pussies":
    so the next morning the thief shows up at the count's place
    and he's like yo
    you should check your closet full of doves
    there are religious personages in there
    and the count is like boy
    how did I get to a point in my life where that sentence makes sense
  • Record Needle Scratch: Inserted into a myth in "It is hard for Set to not be a douchebag".
  • Running Gag: Several ones.
    • Dwarves sure do love themselves some gold. Like, carnally.
    • Consulting the Oracle at Delphi is a terrible, stupid idea.
    • Ovid keeps sniggering at anything that sounds a little dirty.
    but the place where daphne finally gets tired
    is right on the banks of this river Peneus
    haha peneus
  • Satellite Love Interest: Ovid notes that the princess from Prince Ivan and the Grey Wolf is an extreme example of this, considering she does not say or do anything in the entire story. invoked
  • Shown Their Work: He often shows extensive knowledge of the myths he is retelling, such as pointing out how Beatrice in The Divine Comedy is actually based on a woman that Dante basically stalked in real life.
  • Sophisticated as Hell: A key element of Ovid's writing style.
    one of my favorite things about having this blog
    is I get to routinely use words like fucking and seminary
  • Space Whale Aesop: A natural result of trying to synthesize a moral out of most mythology.
    so the moral of the story
    is if you are going to have a goddess for a mom
    try to have a less shitty one than aurora
    one that can save your life in battle
    instead of turning your smoking corpse into some angry birds
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: In "ENOUGH with the cows":
    and the gods go and bring it to fenrir
    and are like i bet you cant get out of this ribbon
    and fenrir is like come ON guys
    there is no fame to be gained
    from breaking a fucking little girl’s pretty bow
    and i dont think youd even be asking me to break this
    if you had not magicked up some ridiculous bullshit
    that means i will like
    lose my balls
    or my face will come off
    when you tie me up
    and the gods are like no no no
    why would we do that
    what do you think we are
    desperately afraid of you or something
  • Walking Shirtless Scene: Ovid often goes shirtless in his videos. He lampshades this in part 4 of his Inferno retelling.
    good thing I forgot to wear a shirt today
  • Work Off the Debt: Little Ajax offers to wash Athena's dishes to atone for rape.
  • Your Mom: Apparently The Iliad did the nasty with her. Your dad too.


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