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Blog / Ask Ernst Stavro Blofeld

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Ask Ernst Stavro Blofeld is a fanmade Tumblr Character Blog for Ernst Stavro Blofeld, James Bond's archenemy. Although in continuity with the classic films, the blog is Denser and Wackier in tone, with a clear emphasis on comedy.

Ask Ernst Stavro Blofeld contains examples of:

  • Amplified Animal Aptitude: Blofeld's cat Volcano managed to seek out his master's right-hand woman Irma Bunt and lead her back to the abandoned factory where Blofeld was trapped, just so Bunt could rescue him. It would be a stretch to have a dog do this, but a cat?!?
  • Aristocrats Are Evil: Blofeld tries to Invoke this trope by claiming the title of Comte de Bleuchamp. (Nobody believes his claims.)
  • Card-Carrying Villain: “I’m not just a soulless murderous monster — I’m a cat-loving soulless murderous monster.”
  • The Comically Serious: Irma Bunt is making no concessions to the weirdness of her situation and the constant whims of her lunatic boss, and keeps being the stoic, creepy boss. Due to how silly everything else is around here, this makes her into this trope.
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  • Cut Lex Luthor a Check: Blofeld is an expert at biochemistry and it is clarified that he single-handedly developed On Her Majesty's Secret Service's Virus Omega instead of having some paid Mad Scientist create it.
  • Deathbringer the Adorable: Sure, he's very devoted to his master, but Blofeld's Right-Hand Cat generally does little but sleep in his master's lap while Blofeld strokes him ominously. His name is Volcano.
  • Denser and Wackier: Even at their silliest, the original James Bond films of the 60's and 70's, on which the blog is based, come nowhere near its wackiness.
  • Diabolical Mastermind: The canon Blofeld is a Trope Codifier for this trope and even provide the page image, so obviously
  • Even Evil Has Standards: When a fan asked if he would ever consider recruiting Prince Hans as a member of SPECTRE, Blofeld flat-out refused, stating that he doesn't let cartoonish fools join the ranks, despite knowing how he manipulated Anna into a false romance so she could unwittingly hand him over Arendelle on a silver platter. And he already has a minion named Hans, so it would be confusing for him to know which Hans is which.
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  • Evil Cripple: Blofeld lost the use of his legs after the explosion of his oil rig base in Diamonds Are Forever. He compensates by using a high-tech wheelchair, complete with a grappling hook.
  • Full-Name Basis: If you're going to call him by his real name rather than "Number One", call him Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Not Ernst Blofeld, and certainly not Blofeld. Only Bond does that.
  • If You Kill Him, You Will Be Just Like Him!: Stated as the most likely reason why James Bond had Ernst Stavro Blofeld jailed instead of killing him. Although Blofeld suggests there might be an element of Cruel Mercy to it — indeed, controlling people behind the scenes is so fundamental to Blofeld's character that he doesn't take being brought down to just an inmate in a prison very well.
  • Kick the Son of a Bitch: While testing out some of Q's gadgets, Bond managed to break Blofeld's computer and refused to fix it.
  • Literary Agent Hypothesis: invoked The classic Eon films are said to be fictionalized, but extremely close to the real events. The Daniel Craig reboot is the result of the producers being forced to make stuff up now that the real James Bond has retired and that Blofeld is in jail. As a result, it is completely wrong in terms of events and very inaccurate in terms of characters — Blofeld is particularly disgusted by his Motive Decay.
  • Magic Plastic Surgery: Used to explain the jarring examples of The Other Darrin in the film series.
  • Meaningful Name: Averted; as one fan saracstically points out, "Blofeld" just means "blue field", which has nothing to do whatsoever with anything Blofeld is or does.
  • Platonic Life-Partners: Blofeld and Irma Bunt may qualify, depending on how you look at it. Both are functionally asexual and they are pretty much each other's only friend, but don't see each other as such, due to Blofeld being Bunt's boss.
  • Retired Badass: According to Blofeld, Bond has retired from the MI6 just to become the warden of the prison where Blofeld is staying in.
  • Retired Monster: Forcibly retired, due to having been put in jail. Though there are occasional hints that he still has more contacts in the outside world than Bond thinks he does.
  • Right-Hand Cat: This Blofeld retains his film counterpart's trademark white Persian cat, here called Volcano.
  • Take Over the World: Blofeld's lifelong goal. And we mean lifelong. He was already trying at age 10.
  • Take That!: To Blofeld's Motive Decay in Spectre.
    Ernst Stavro Blofeld: ”Such blatant ego-stroking as to think I built my entire criminal organization for the express purpose of hurting Mr Bond personally is vile slander that could only have come from Bond himself.“
  • Tailor-Made Prison: Or tailor-chosen warden, as it were. Blofeld is incarcerated in a pretty normal jail, but one that is guarded by James Bond himself, who has retired from MI6 for that express purpose.