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Spoken happiness (Jokes)


  • There is a joke about a German tourist in an English restaurant who wants to order "ein blutiges Steak" (a rare steak). He asks for "a bloody steak" and the waiter asks him if he wants some fucking potatoes with it.
    • Better yet is the version which has the Pope going to a steakhouse and ordering a rare steak, then hearing the waiter yell through an order for "One bloody steak!". The Pope is suitably mollified by the explanation that this is the usual expression in the catering trade in New York (or wherever the story is set). He returns a day or two later with one of the cardinals and asks the waiter for "two bloody steaks", and the cardinal, not to be outdone, adds...
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    • A similar joke about the German word "bekommen" (a false friend; it means "to get" — as in "to obtain", not "to become"): an impatient customer asks when he'll become a steak, and the waiter replies "I hope never, Sir!"
  • There is a Russian joke (probably based on a scene with a similar joke in Casablanca) about two people meeting on the street somewhere in London. Their conversion goes thus:
- Which watch? note 
- Six clocks. note 
- Such much? note 
- Whom how. note 
- MGIMO finishd? note 
- Ask! note 
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  • Russian jokes love to do this with English in general, as everything can be a mondegreen. A popular joke about the English saying "Easy come, easy go" means "Izya came, then Izya left".
    • As an example of this, when Vidal Sassoon shampoo brand was advertised with its Gratuitous English slogan "Vidal Sasson - wash and go", a joke was that the aforementioned slogan translates as "a lice will leave when it sees a sucker".
  • There is a French joke that goes like this:
    • A man sees an ad for "Fast English Lessons". He enters the building and asks: "This the place where I can take English lessons?" "If, if, between!" (Si being both the word used for a hypothetical statement: "If" and the affirmative answer to a negative question: "Yes"; Entre is the imperative form of the verb Entrer, which means "enter", and also the word corresponding to "between").
    • An American nun goes to France but gets lost. She asks a local if he speaks English and he proudly responds "Yes, sir" ("sœur" (Sister) is pronounced the same as "sir").

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