- This bit from The Cabin in the Woods.FRAN KRANZ: Maybe the human race should die out, if this is what it takes for it to continue.KRISTEN CONNOLLY: Are you serious? Do you literally have not a single family member that might give you pause before coming to that conclusion?FRAN KRANZ: Well...KRISTEN CONNOLLY: You'd rather sacrifice everyone on earth, knowing that 99.999% of them aren't even aware of this conspiracy, while you know about it and are making literally the most selfish decision humanly possible, which ironically actually makes you extremely deserving of death?FRAN KRANZ: Uh...KRISTEN CONNOLLY: A handful of teenagers every year, compared to the alternative, is nothing. More people die from falling in the fucking bathroom. I'm shooting you, you selfish dick.
- Their review of Pan tears the ever-loving shit out of the trend of taking classic children's stories and turning them into formulaic blockbusters:(Levi wakes up being tended to by Hugh.)Hugh Jackman: So the fact that you can fly means you must be the one destined to kill me. See there’s a prophecy-Levi Miller: Oh God no.Hugh Jackman: -that states that one day a flying boy would appear, and that boy would be The Chosen One who-Levi Miller: SHUUUT UUUUUP! For FUCK’S SAKE Hollywood, first Alice in Wonderland, then Snow White, then The Wizard of Oz, now Peter Pan, are you seriously not gonna stop until everything is prophecies and chosen ones?! Even after The LEGO Movie deconstructed that trope to hell and back?! There are other stories out there you know I mean COME ON IT’S SO FUCKING PLAYED OUT ARGH GRAAAAHRHAAAAHH (starts smashing the set) (sedated) (wakes up an hour later) Okay, I’m better now. Let’s just get on with this fucking thing.Hugh Jackman: So yeah you’re supposed to murder me and end my reign of terror.Levi Miller: In which case, why the hell am I still alive? I mean you were literally in the process of murdering me when you found out that I’m this super-dangerous prophecy kid. What possible reason is there for you to not shove a cutlass through my brain this very-Hugh Jackman: TO THE DUNGEON WITH YOU!
- Perhaps the most succinct demolition of the mentality that went into making Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) ever written:Michael Keaton: This is my chance to really do something good.Amy Ryan: What, this self-indulgent circus trick of a movie, THIS is your big chance? Where you've spent half of it arguing that it's all meaningless?Michael Keaton: Damn right! See, we can argue over whether this means anything for hours. Go back and forth saying, acting is noble, acting is vain, acting is truth, acting is pointless. But the thing is, IT’S STILL ALL ABOUT ACTING. We get credibility points for taking shots at ourselves while keeping the spotlight firmly planted on us! Maybe there’s meaning to be found in other walks of life, in unglamorous jobs, in simply being a good friend and a decent person, or God forbid, focusing on OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE, but fuck that shit, we gotta keep jerking it over MY ACTING and MY ART and searching for meaning THERE and THERE ALONE because if that spotlight ever goes off, who knows, we might see the whole world.
- They parodied Deadpool. Yes, even the Airplane! of superhero films can be mocked.
- The review of Watchmen features a hypothetical discussion between Zack Snyder and Alan Moore. Pick a side, any side:Snyder: I did it! Alan Moore said Watchmen was "inherently unfilmable" but I pulled it off! Not so bad, was it Alan Moore?Moore: Film is an inferior form of art, spoon-feeding audience goers and watering down our collective cultural imagination. This movie was garbage, as are all movies.Snyder: Dude. You write comic books. Stop acting like you're fucking Monet, you pretentious jackass.
- The climax of Suicide Squad (2016) actually gives Harley Quinn a pretty cool Pre Ass Kicking One Liner:Margot Robbie: I could be your senior beautician! My specialty is eyebrows!Evil Cara Delvigne: (doing the Funky Gibbon) That's a low blow, Margot. You've broken my heart.Margot Robbie: I don't break hearts honey, I STEAL THEM! (yanks out Cara’s heart)
- The Badass Boast exchange in Revenge of the Sith:Ian McDiarmid: I got a threshold, Jedi. I got a threshold for the abuse I'll take. And right now I'm a race car and you got me in the red. I'm just saying that it's fuckin' dangerous to have a racecar in the fuckin' red. It could blow.Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson: Oh, you're gettin' ready to blow?Ian McDiarmid: I could blow.Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson: Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch my lightsaber I'm Superfly TNT. I'm The Guns of Navarone.
- Transformers: Dark of the Moon ends with a lengthy Take That! directed at the
Unpleasable Fanbase:Shia LaBeouf: Ugh, these movies are so stupid. The Transformers deserve better than this.Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: Okay, you know what? No, they don't. Transformers was a poorly animated toy commercial dressed up like entertainment. The only reason you ever liked it was because when it was on TV you were a teenage boy, which is exactly who this piece of shit movie is made for. The same version of you that loved Transformers in 1985 would love this movie.Shia LaBeouf: Nuh uh. It sucks, Michael Bay raped my childhood.Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: Look, Bay didn't trick you here. This is the THIRD movie. If you seriously thought, after seeing the first two movies, that this was going to be anything other than an unwatchable, idiotic piece of festering horseshit, then you're even dumber than Bay is, and that guy thinks TV Tropes.org is a filmmaking how-to manual. - BITCH I'M WONDER WOMAN!!!GAL goes into a BLIND RAGE and she just. Goddamn. I mean she like. She fucking MASSACRES DAVID. Just OBLITERATES the SHIT out of HIM. Like she’s playing with ALL THE CHEAT CODES on. Dental records won't even identify him.
- Rey/Daisy Ridley's "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Luke/Mark Hamill in The Last Jedi, as well as showing that Kylo could have been redeemed if Luke had acted more rationally.Daisy Ridley: Admit it Mark! You tried to kill Adam when he was your student!Mark Hamill: Okay okay, I might have BRIEFLY thought about it. If you have kids some day, you'll understand. But I also saw that Adam is beyond saving, he's pure evil! Especially now that he killed his Dad!Daisy Ridley: And yet YOU managed to save a full-blown Sith Lord who'd murdered a schoolful of innocent children. And who was responsible for the deaths of most of the Jedi, hundreds of thousands of Rebels, the woman he loved, assorted underlings, and oh yeah THE ENTIRE PLANET OF ALDERAAN.[Beat]Mark Hamill: You are NEVER hearing the Joker voice now.
- The script for Pet Sematary (2019) rewrites the film's Downer Ending with a scene that manages to be awesome, funny and heartwarming all at once. See Fanon Discontinuity on the main page for details.
- The low point of Cinderella gets a rather intense make-over. Too bad it's revealed to be a fever-dream in the next scene.LUCILLE and RHODA viciously rip ILENE's dress, the last memento she has of her MOTHER, the one thing that made her feel beautiful and full of hope since her FATHER's DEATH, to SHREDS.But just then RAMBO and DUTCH and JOHN MCCLANE and CHARLES BRONSON and THE BEAR JEW and PRESIDENT CAMACHO and THE COPS FROM Bonnie and Clyde burst in and pump ELEANOR, LUCILLE, and RHODA full of BULLETS, still going even as they stand waist-deep in BLOOD and GUTS and SHELL CASINGS and all three of THOSE BITCHES' limp, lifeless BODIES get more HOLES put into them than season 8 of Game of Thrones, and also ANDREW W.K.'s "PARTY HARD" or something awesome like that is blasting in the BACKGROUND, and it's all like POW-POW-POW-POW-POW-POW-POW-POW-POW, and it feels so good to imagine because this was the first time something in a MOVIE ever filled your FIVE-YEAR-OLD SELF with RAGE, RAGE, WHITE-HOT ASS-NUMBING TRIPLE-HOMICIDAL RAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!
- The climax to Doctor Sleep:Ewan McGregor: (backing up stairs) It's too late, Rebecca. You can't win. You can't win because I have something you'll never have, something I've been searching for my whole life.Rebecca Ferguson: (advancing closer) What is it? A family?Ewan McGregor: (backing up further, further)No...Rebecca Ferguson: (gaining) Control over angry hotel spirits?Ewan McGregor: (backs onto the top step) Well that, yes. But I also have-Rebecca Ferguson: (reaching up for his throat) Love? A cool hat? An ax? What do you have?!Ewan McGregor: (lifts ax) IT'S OVER, REBECCA! I HAVE THE-(deep breath)(deep breath)(aims)(deep breath)(starts swing)(deep breath)
- It's not often that an Editing Room parody writer becomes truly angry with a movie, but in her scripts for After and its sequels After We Collided and After We Fell, Jess M. makes it clear that she thinks the franchise promotes terrible values. At the climax of the After We Collided script, this leads to a truly epic Author Filibuster/Character Filibuster. As with the Cinderella example above, it's immediately undone, but even that manages to be mordantly funny.Hero Fiennes-Tiffin: Josephine no-middle-name Langford, I super-duper love you times infinity and I will always—
Josephine Langford: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! You know, I am so GODDAMN TIRED of acting like a 19-year-old's idea of true love is enough to sustain a relationship that started as a lie and continued as a neverending series of screaming fights, petty revenge, refusals to talk anything out, and FUCKING DATE RAPE! And you know what else I'm tired of? Publishers and movie producers who throw both narrative quality and healthy messaging out the window as soon as some makeup saleslady's boy band fanfic blows up, thanks to a horde of grammatically challenged stans who wouldn't know a decent love story if it burrowed into their nostrils like fucking spear grass! FUCK THIS! FUCK IT ALL!!!
(ragged breathing)
...IS WHAT I WOULD SAY if those same producers hadn't put the next two movies into pre-production. Let's get back together.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Awesome/TheEditingRoom
FollowingAwesome / The Editing Room
Go To
