Awesome / Sword Art Online Abridged

WARNING: Spoilers Off applies to Awesome Moments pages. All spoilers are unmarked.

Episode 1

• After spending his entire first day in SAO having to ignore and endure Kirito's taunts, Klein patiently waits for him to finish and then shuts him up with one single line.
  Klein: I get the feeling you get beat up a lot in real life.
  Kirito: (whiny) SHADDUP! HERE I HAVE POWER!
• Gotta give credit to Kirito, he improvised an entire lore surrounding some random pebble on the spot and kept it going for several hours.

Episode 2

• Asuna is just as competent in combat as she is in the main series, but this is magnified by the fact that in the Abridged Series, she's a complete novice to MMORPGs who doesn't know what "XP" means (suggesting she's never even finished a proper battle), and is so Hopeless with Tech that she hasn't figured out how to open the game's menu. Yet she's still managed to survive a whole month in a game that is now literally life or death, while developing her own fighting style that even Kirito is forced to admit is flawless, allowing her to end encounters with enemies in a single, graceful movement.
• It's more Played for Laughs than anything else, but a common house cat who somehow got stuffed in a NerveGear, learned to play the game. Tiffany notes that it's quite impressive.

Episode 3

• In an Offscreen Moment of Awesome, Klein and his guild managed to keep The Mafia off Kirito's back despite having been ambushed during a snowstorm. This earns Klein the title of "The Legendary Warrior Ballsdeep69".

Episode 4

• Kirito's "battle" with Titan's Hand, especially after Rosalia made the mistake of pushing all three of his Berserk Buttons, sending him simultaneously into a Tranquil Fury while Laughing Mad.
  Silica: Oh no, Mister Kirito, there's so many of them! I'll back you up!
  Kirito: Aw, that's adorable, you think they're a threat! Well, you just sit tight, the show's about to start. Careful though, first three rows are a splash zone~!
  Silica: What do you mean by that?!
  (Kirito just walks forward with this sword out, laughing maniacally all the while)
• The moment when Titan's Hand realizes just who they're messing with.
  Random Mook: I don't understand! We threw everything we had at him, how is he still standing?!
  Kirito: "How?!" Well, it's quite simple really. You see (to Rosalia), "Girlie," you may think ya got me all figured out, but there's one thing, you didn't account for: my numbers are bigger than yours!
  Titan's Hand Mooks: (Mass "Oh, Crap!" at his level 78 statline)
  Kirito: Funny thing, really. Get to a high enough level, and you're basically untouchable! My wounds heal faster than you can make them! We could do this all day, and you would not be any closer to beating me, not that it wouldn't be fun. But, I've got good news. You see, there's no need to wonder where your god is! 'Cause he's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy!
  Titan's Hand Mook: (starts crying in despair)
• The ending of the fight also counts, with Kirito delivering a wonderful Shut Up, Hannibal! one-liner to Rosalia before killing her.
  Kirito: I'm gettin' real tired of your first-year psych-student bullshit.
• Which in turn leads to Rosalia getting in a good-one liner of her own.
  Rosalia: Enjoy this while you can, it's the deepest you'll ever be in a woman!
  (Rosalia explodes into pixels and dies)
  Kirito: Yeah, well, you're dead, so... DAMN IT!
  • Of course, Episode 9 shows Kirito gets the last laugh there.
• After the timer of Pina's heart runs out, effectively rendering everything they had gone through up to that point moot, Silica utterly snaps and, we can assume, becomes what Pina called her at the beginning of the episode, "Dovahkiin." The after-credits scene shows an utterly gobsmacked Kirito, clawmarks across his face and ears ringing from her scream of rage, sitting on his knees as smoke, fire, air-raid sirens, and chaos roars around him. Please note, earlier in that episode, Kirito's regeneration was so OP that multiple opponents could hack at him while he just stood there to no effect.
  Kirito: ...She took that well.

Episode 5

• Kirito getting revenge on Gary for abandoning him and Sachi.

Episode 6

• Kirito manages to get Laughing Coffin to back off not by threatening them, but by advising them on how to run their business. Let us put that again in terms easier to swallow: He told a group of serial killers to go away by telling them that their way of killing people is wrong (not the overall idea of killing people, but how they kill people), giving them advice to better adjust themselves, and even gives words of encouragement. His sociopathy saved people.
  • That last sentence really gets better when you see the consequences of Laughing Coffin taking Kirito's advice. To make a long story short: Kirito managed to take down an infamous player-killing guild with PR advice.
• Kirito solving the case and, unlike in most abridged series, actually using real clues and evidence to back up his logic, proving he's got some real brainpower underneath all that swordplay and sociopathy. Complete with Phoenix Wright's musical score.
• Kirito's utter and complete verbal beatdown of Grimlock for his pathetic, misogynistic reasons for killing Griselda, having found them to be completely and utterly deplorable, even by his standards. It gets more awesome when you figure in his relationship with Sachi and how her death and "Shaggy Dog" Story made him the jackass he is today.
  Kirito: Wow! Okay, um, let me see if I got this. Ya killed your wife because she wouldn't get in the kitchen and make you a sandwich?!
  Grimlock: And what man would blame me?! Caynz, Schmidt, you guys know what I'm talking about.
  Caynz: Don't... don't talk to us, man.
  Kirito: I can't believe you! You had something special, something most people spend their whole lives looking for, and you just threw it away! And for what? A lousy meal?! You never really loved her, you just wanted to possess her. You disgust me!
  • Bonus points to Asuna for being the one to wound Grimlock the deepest with a single line.
    Asuna: Grimlock, that hat makes you look like a hipster!
• Even better is that, unlike the anime and albeit off-screen, we actually get some closure in knowing that Grimlock was properly dealt with like the monster he was, as his former guildmates beat the everliving pulp out of him behind a tree before finally killing him for good. Crosses over with funny because you can hear this happening in the background during what's otherwise a very heartwarming, moving scene between Kirito and Asuna.

Episode 7

• Lisbeth's smithing sequence, a simultaneous Rhythm Game, Shoot 'Em Up, and galaxy-sized mecha battle, all set to "Big Blast Sonic." And Liz still manages to break the scoring mechanic.
  Announcer: Complete! Flawless Victory! Metallurgy!
  Lisbeth: Aaaand we're done.
  • The fact that Abridged!Kayaba has shown a love for treating difficulty (or the lack thereof) with fitting music and pomp, but he still chose such Awesome Music for this Forging Scene, shows that even he's impressed with Lisbeth's performance.

Episode 8

• Asuna has gotten to the point where she's casually trolling Kirito for shits and giggles. For once, he may actually have an inkling as to what dealing with himself is like.
• Kirito's cavalcade of insults leads to a verbal beatdown on Kuradeel.
• Kirito curbstomping Kuradeel wasn't very surprising. Asuna stepping in was. And instead of using violence, she just disarms his knife and shows clear disgust that he'd go for a low blow after losing a fair duel. The fact that Asuna's not shying away from fighting Kuradeel in this version, but manipulating Kirito into doing her dirty work so to avoid some guild drama.
• Kirito's speech during the fight with The Gleam Eyes. It's a "No More Holding Back" Speech laced with some actual Character Development, showing Kirito is growing out of being The Sociopath.
  Kirito: ...Ya know something? I really. Hate. People. They're selfish! Ignorant! Loud, obnoxious pricks! With basically no redeeming qualities whatsoever! I mean really, look at all they've achieved! Genocide, global warming, reality TV, and just a never-ending parade of failures and fuck-ups! They are, without question, a complete write-off of a species, and HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CARE ABOUT THEM!!

Episode 9

• Kirito's epic fight and speech from the last episode was unknowingly broadcast via livestream to every player in the game. Everyone now thinks he's a savior, a major guild is twisting his arm to make him become a team player, and he absolutely HATES it.
  Kirito: This is my life now. I am in hell.
• This solidifies Abridged!Kirito as a Shadow Archetype to his canon counterpart. Canon!Kirito started off as a savior with a jerkass mask and struggled with hiding the secret of being the most powerful player in the game. Abridged!Kirito reveled in his power, but now has to struggle with being a Nominal Hero unwillingly placed in the role of, as Tiffany sarcastically puts it, “The Chosen One.” In summary: Abridged!Kirito’s world gets a whole lot bigger with his display of power, and he’s powerless to stop it.
• Heathcliff defeating Kirito in only 4 seconds, compared to one minute, thirty-one seconds as in the source material.
  Heathcliff: Heh. Noob.
• Kirito keeping up his usual snark even when Kuradeel is about to kill him, just so Kuradeel can't enjoy it.
• Asuna killing Kuradeel herself, even giving the bastard a Hope Spot before dealing the final blow. This is quite the welcome change from the source material, in which Kirito had to step in and finish Kuradeel himself. Not here.
  Asuna: God, you're pathetic. I'll let the commander decide how to deal with you. I don't want your stinking blood on my hands.
  Kuradeel: R-really?
  Asuna: (sing-songy) NO! (glorch)
• Takahata101 is back to voice a character, even though he's so busy with his other duties he had to hold off his own abridged series.

Episode 10

• Yui correcting Yulier's use of the term "ironic" when describing the situation with the Thinker doubles as this in-universe by Kirito and Asuna.
• Anytime Kirito and Asuna go Papa Wolf and Mama Bear is this as well as a Heartwarming Moment. They are both psychotic, dangerous people but they still love their daughter. So much so that when Yui was threatened, these two psychopaths, known for their snarky attitudes and death threats, go straight into Tranquil Fury.
• Yui curbstomping The Grim Reaper by shrugging off the scythe of death like it was nothing, then rising into the air while her voice loses its tone of child-like innocence.
  Yui: Very well. We shall do this your way. (conjures up a BFS. That's on fire. And glitching.) Will this suffice...?
  • The music that plays during this scene? The Cleric Beast's theme.
  • Hell, even the subtitles are taken by complete surprise at what is happening:
    (The Fatal Scythe swings its weapon at Yui)
    Subtitles: [Yui gets sliced in half and—]
    (an energy shield manifests around Yui from nowhere and stops the attack cold)
    Subtitles: [Wait, what?]
    (as Yui attacks The Fatal Scythe with her newly manifested BFS)
    Subtitles: [WHAT]
    Subtitles: [THE]
    Subtitles: [...]
    Subtitles: [FUCK!?] ^note Yes, each word, and even the ellipsis, was "said" separately from the others, with none of them appearing on the same screen.
• Kirito springing into action to save Yui's program, especially what he says while he does it. Subverted in Episode 13, when it was revealed that Kirito unknowingly buggered Yui's prank. Double-subverted in that Kirito actually did save Yui by having her downloaded directly into his NERVGear Helmet; thereby keeping her from being really deleted with most of the rest of Sword Art Online in the following episode.
  Kirito: Goddamnit, Kayaba! I am sick and tired of you kicking my heart in the dick! Well, not this time! PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF A PISSED-OFF NERD WITH ADMIN PRIVILEGES!

Episode 11

• The dumbasses from Episode 1 (such as the "What?!" guy) not only somehow survived to the end of the death game, but actually made enough progress to participate in an high-level raid. And Schmitt, the Nervous Wreck formerly in Golden Apple, still showed up for the fight against the Skull Reaper.
• Despite his views, Kirito still stands up for the other players, causing Kayaba, who expressed complete disgust towards all the other player's idiocy, to be taken aback.
  Kirito: Hey! At least they had the guts to be here without a freakin' cheat code!
  Kayaba: See, this is what I'm talking about! Which one of you geniuses missed what I did to the last g- (slams down shield) Well there's a plot twist for ya! Kirito, are you actually defending these people?!
  Kirito: Oh, don't get me wrong, no one's saying their potential doesn't top out at Assistant Manager at Kinko's. I mean, just look at Schmitt.
  Schmitt: (offscreen) WHY AM I ALWAYS THE EXAMPLE?!
  Kirito: But that doesn't change the fact that they volunteered to be here. Even though they knew it could get them killed! Which is just a few magnitudes more than I can say about you.
• A retroactive one for Rosalia - after Asuna asks Kirito why he's fighting to get out of the game he's thriving in, he flashes back to Rosalia's Breaking Speech, and it turns out her "first-year psych student bullshit" was right on the money, it just took Kirito about six episode's worth of Character Development to realize it.
  • Hell, the fact that they managed to make a one-off antagonist have a significant impact to Kirito's character arc is one in of itself.
• When Kayaba tries to leave, Kirito manages to mock and insult him enough to make the guy completely lose his shit and agree to a duel over the end of the game.
  Kirito: I can't speak for everyone else, but to me it sounds like, (whiniest tone) "Waaaaaah! Mommy! The other kids were mean to me, cause my gaame sucks, and my face is stupid!"
  Kayaba: OH MY GOD! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
  Kirito: I... would like a rematch.
  Kayaba: Could ya not have just said that instead of all that other bullshit?!
  Kirito: Oh, but Kayaba! You're such a master of pattern recognition, I would've thought you'd realized - (smirking) that's just not my style.
  Kayaba: (sighs) You know what? Sure. Stabbing you in the chest sounds fucking therapeutic right about now.
• The (completely unedited) fight between Kayaba and Kirito, enhanced by a Triumphant Reprise of "This Is War." And of course the finale.
  • The effect is doubled when you learn that they didn't actually do the most anime thing ever in the actual anime.
  Kayaba: I bet this isn't exactly the way you pictured all this ending, but your fate was sealed the second you challenged me. It's time to face reality, son. I'm the god of this world. (stabs Kirito) This was never going to end any other way.
  Kirito: No... I reject your reality... AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN!
• The series' take on Kayaba's motive. It's hilariously stupid, but believable: Instead of having a god complex, and hoping to create his own world that he was in control of, he accidentally created a glitch that caused people to die, was sleep deprived and slowly losing his mind from rushing the game out, and so decided to pretend it was all according to some sinister master plan. It also reconstructs the source material's attempt to make him similar to the protagonists, since Abridged!Kayaba is just as much of a broken, fucked-up mess of a person as the rest of the cast and Kirito in particular, just trying to make the best of a bad situation he no longer has any control over.
  • He kept himself awake for a whooping 500 hours in a desperate attempt to reach the unreasonable deadline set. To put this into real life perspective, 72 to 96 hours of being awake is already enough to reduce even the most resolute person into a barely functioning wreck. The fact that he came out of this crunch time with relatively minor consequences speaks volumes about his mental fortitude.
• Kayaba's speech to the players, immature and petty it may be, raises some good points, and is quite satisfying considering the utter idiots that populate the game.
  Kayaba: Do you know how many people have died screaming Leeroy Jenkins? More than zero!
  • There's also the mafia enforcer briefly snarking at Kayaba's Never My Fault tendencies during that speech. Sure, it ultimately cost him his life, but it was quite brave for at least one of the "idiot" players to try and take the ego of the programmer who trapped them all down a peg.
    Kayaba: Do you have any idea what's been like trying to lead you people?! You ignore all my strategies, you ADAMANTLY refuse to work together, and then you blame ME for ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS!!
    Mobster: Well, to be fair, sir, you're responsible for at least a few of them.
• After the credits we get a "To Be Continued" screen counting down from 20 on the SAO:A arcade machine. When the timer reaches five seconds the video fades to black...and then a coin gets deposited in the machine.

Episode 12

• Kirito's "No More Holding Back" Speech after Nobuyuki leaves about how he's not going to let Nobuyuki marry Asuna.
  Kirito: No. I... I will not let this stand! If you think I fought tooth and nail for two years just so I could kowtow to some assclown like you, then you are in for a rude awakening! Prepare to reap the fucking whirlwind that is the unbridled fury of the hero of Aincrad!
  • Subverted when it then cuts to him posting a complaint about his situation to Twitter.
• When Nobuyuki's digital avatar asks Asuna how she's doing, Asuna promptly spits in his face. Even caged, she refuses to go quietly.
  YouTube Comment: Wonder if they'll fix the problem the original series had with Asuna in this part?
  (Asuna spits in Sugou's face)
  YouTube Comment: Yeah, they did.

Episode 13

• The lines that flash past Yui's eyes after she's told about Asuna's situation show both an awesome attention to detail by the abridgers and Yui's mindset for the arc.
  New Objective Added: Locate and retrieve parental unit designated <<Mommy>> or <<Asuna>>
  Executing MommySearch.exe
  Search Radius: Server-wide
  8396 players found
  Refining Search Parameters: Accounts transferred from SAO
  3 Players Found
  Analyzing Results
  PlayerID: xVx_K1r1T0_xVx_KillMe // Negative
  PlayerID: Heathcliff // Negative
  PlayerID: Titania // Match
  <<Mommy>> Found
  Location: Top of <<The World Tree>>
  Distance: 500km
  Estimated Travel Time: 6 hrs by air
  Warning: Area is under direct control of game admin
  New Objective Added: Kill game admin by any means necessary
• When Kirito gets drawn into a fight with the Salamanders, he dispatches his first target with a dash so quick that they can't even tell he cut them.
  Kirito: Man... it is good to be home.

Episode 14

• Admit it: Leafa's Badass Boast was pretty sweet... even if she regretted it shortly after finding out it was her brother she said it to.
  Leafa: How dare you! Do you really believe you'll find a more capable ally than me!?
  Kirito: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—
  Leafa: I may not know exactly how to conquer that tree, and sure, everyone who's tried has met a gruesome end! But I am Princess Flippin' Leafa, and if there's one thing I do know, it's how to throw wave after wave of loyal subjects at a problem until they either figure it out for me or their corpses stack up so high, they'll ring Oberon's doorbell! Because that, good sir, is how a princess do!
  Kirito: So... you wanna come with?
  Leafa: You bet your sweet patootie I'm coming with!
• Asuna keeps up her defiance when Sugou/Oberon comes in to taunt her, first by correcting his pronunciation of his handle, then by biting him when he puts his hands on her. And by the time he's done with his Evil Gloating about his plans for her...
  Oberon: ...But more importantly, you'll be rid of that rebellious streak of yours. Just in time for you to walk down the aisle.
  Asuna: You're Insane! Thankfully, you're also an idiot. Why would you tell me any of this? You really think I'm just gonna sit around and wait for that to happen?
  Oberon: (chuckles) My dear Titania, you're lucky you're so pretty. By all means, give me your best shot! But if you really think you can overpower the (turns away to add emphasis) System Admin, then I dare say you're even dumber (turns back around) than I a— where did you go?
  (sirens blaring)
  Guard 1: (offscreen) OH GOD, IT'S LOOOOOSE!!
  Guard 2: (offscreen) Remember your training, boys! We'll make it throu-
  (offscreen screams and squelching sounds)
  • Judging from how Sugou reacts with a resigned sigh rather than anger or panic, and the fact that his soldiers have apparently come up with specialized training for the situation, it's quite possible that this isn't the first time Asuna's gone on a rampage.
• The NerveGear can calibrate its players' stats based on their real-life abilities, meaning that when one uses the Nerve Gear to increase their stats in-game, their abilities in real life can be altered as well. Kayaba came up with such a system for a game, and even Sugou admits that Kayaba was an unparalleled genius, to the extent that just studying Kayaba's code led to several breakthroughs. Kayaba may have been driven insane from "500 hours of uninterrupted consciousness" and SAO might have had a cavalcade of bugs for it, but there's no denying how incredible an achievement that was.
  • The writers also deserve kudos for turning the one-off charisma hat joke from the first arc into an actual dramatic plot point!

Episode 15

• As if the moment from Episode 14 wasn't enough, Asuna proves that she won't be kept locked up willingly by going into Violently Protective Girlfriend mode the moment she hears Oberon threaten Kirito. Then, when Oberon ends up Tempting Fate by saying he'll break Kirito's spirit, Asuna breaks free once again and slaughters her way through the guards like something resembling a xenomorph, all effortlessly.
  Sugou/Oberon: It should be quite the show. (his facial expression becomes deranged) Don't you think, my dear Ti-tania?!
  Asuna: (quietly) I think if you touch a single hair on his head, I'm gonna be wearing your guts like my mom's pashmina.
  Sugou/Oberon: ...Ex-... cuse me...?
  Asuna: I'm sorry, did I freaking stutter? (glares straight at him) I said, if you hurt him, you will experience pain and torment beyond anything you could possibly imagine. (her facial expression grows dark) Your body will be torn apart, piece by piece, as you beg for a mercy that will never come. I will add your screams to MY GOSH-DARN SPOTIFY, and I will see your head MOUNTED ON A FUDGING PIKE!!
  Sugou/Oberon: (trying — and failing — to play it cool) Y-you should hear how ridiculous you sound right now! Th-that profanity filter's doing you no favors!
  (Asuna's eyes glow red, fire burns behind her, and “Ave Satani” is heard)
  Sugou/Oberon: (growling) Listen here! I am your king! And you will not disrespect me like this! Threaten me all you want, spit on my face, stomp on my balls, but you and I both know you're powerless to stop me. Like it or not, you are going to clean up your act, we are going to have a beautiful wedding, and you are going to spend the rest of your life in blissful, mindless servitude! NOW, WILL YOU PLEASE HELP ME PICK OUT A GOSH-DARNED CHINA PATTERN!?
  (Asuna has already run off)
  Sugou/Oberon: She's gone... (exasperated sigh) Of course she's gone.
  Shoji: (off-screen) No, no, no! Please! I'm sorry that I lied!
  (Shoji screams in terror as Asuna tears through him, alarms sound, and other guards try in vain to stop her)

Episode 16

• Yui discovers a program that could give her father an advantage in a fight against the Salamanders blocking their progress through Kandy Kane Kavern. What does it do? Transforms Kirito's avatar into The Gleam Eyes, AKA the "giant fucking goat-demon" boss of Floor 74 back in Sword Art Online, which Kirito had defeated in Episode 8. And the background music for the "fight" is the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's version of "Carol of the Bells."
  Leafa: Oooh yeah, squirt, that is definitely going to be very helpful.
  Yui: (smugly) I thought so.
  • What makes it even better is that for Yui to do this, she needed Leafa to stop watching Kirito lose and agree to shield him. And while Yui could have used coercion or manipulated Leafa's avatar again, instead she made an earnest and impassioned plea for Suguha to take the first step in fixing her and her brother's relationship.
  • It's also worth pointing out that in the original story, the transformation is some in-game illusion magic (that is still capable of eating opponents) available to Kirito as a Spriggan. In this treatment, Yui is once again warping the game to her advantage, highlighted by visual edits making The Gleam Eyes flicker and glitch.
  • And if THAT all wasn't enough, note that all of this was happening outside the gates of Kandy Kane Kastle: giving off the impression that the Salamanders were now fighting a Hopeless Boss Fight against The Krampus.
• During the course of Kiritos' duel with Eugene, he learns exactly what happened to cause Spriggans Players to be looked down upon on the server^note The Spriggans were originally players who had decided to Roleplay as Kirito, hence why Kirito had a hard time coming up with a name for his character. After constantly being mocked for being another Kirito poser, Kirito turns the duel around by replicating the same trick Eugene started with, along with another chance to vent while Dual Wielding his way to victory. And towards the end, gives Eugene a hint as to just who exactly they had antagonized.
  Kirito: (diving with the sun behind him) Hey, big red! Did you miss me?!
  Eugene: You dare use my own trick against me?!
  Kirito: I'm sorry... (blocks Eugene's counter) I just felt like it was what my character would do. (cue a beatdown) Ever since I got back, it's just been one thing after another! I keep trying to do the right thing, but all it's cost me is everything I love! What was it all for?! And to top it all off, you morons even found a way to RUIN MY NAME!
  Eugene: Your... name...?
  • For bonus points, the soundtrack for the fight is Bravely Default's "That Person's Name Is..."
• The end of the episode reveals that Asuna's escape attempts over the season... weren't. They were "Plan A: Eat Employees Until They're Too Scared to Work on Mind Control." Now that Sugou's goons are keeping their distance, she's moving on to "Plan B: Actually Escape."

Episode 17

• Asuna's campaign of psychological warfare comes to a head when she's captured by one of her perennial victims... and is able to menace him into setting her free. Sure, it doesn't last, but damn was it a close thing! Her threats are so terrifying that Shoji would rather admit to an Embarrassing Cover Up that jeopardizes his workplace relations (and potentially get him on a sex offender list) instead of risking his pet getting eaten.
  Asuna: Heyyy... it looks like those new eyes are coming in nice. What color do you think you'll get next time?
  Shoji: My therapist says the only power you have over me is what I give you! D-do your worst! None of this is real!
  Asuna: Well, got me there, bud. Let me just say, it is so great seeing a friend make such brave strides in their mental health journey. But uh, tell me — can the same be said for Biscuit?
  Shoji: How the fudge do you know about my dog?
  Asuna: Oh, don't you worry about that. After all, the way I see it, you've got yourself a choice to make. You see, you can either let me go, or I break out... and I eat. That. Biscuit.
  Shoji: Oh noooo!
  Asuna: Clock's ticking, Shoji. Nom nom.
  Shoji: Dah, whatever you want! I'm putting you down, see?!

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