- "Occam's Razor": House introducing himself to the group of patients in the waiting room. The speech deserves to be quoted in its entirety:Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg". I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning. This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will. But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine. You can't have any. And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem, but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me?
- "DNR" sees Foreman considering accepting a job offer with his old boss that would, at least in compensation, be a huge step up, as a partner without someone who belittles and abuses him. House inadvertently provides exactly the reason Foreman needs to stay.Foreman: And he does it like he doesn't care. He assaults the guy and moves on to the next differential diagnosis—
Cameron: What do you want from him? More hand-wringing, more torment? You want him to cry himself to sleep at night?
Foreman: Yeah! Yeah, I want some clue that he knows it's a big deal, that it scares him, that it matters.
House: I checked [Hamilton] out. He's a great doctor. Do you think he's better than I am?
Foreman: Is this about your ego?
House: Answer the question. It's not gonna change how I think about myself. Might affect my opinion of you. But that shouldn't affect your opinion of yourself. ...Now I'm getting confused. If you think he's a better doctor than I am, you should take the job. Otherwise, you should get him to buy you two or three more nostalgic lunches and then politely decline.
Foreman: It's that simple? I should just ignore the mockery and abuse—
House: Oh, how do I abuse you?
Foreman: How do you not? If I make a mistake—
House: I hold you accountable. So what?
Foreman: Dr. Hamilton forgives. He's capable of moving on.
House: That is not what he does.
Foreman: I screwed up his case. He told me—
House: He never said you were forgiven. I was there. He said it wasn't your fault.
House: So it was. You took a chance. You did something great. You were wrong. But it was still great. You should feel great that it was great. You should feel like crap that it was wrong. That's the difference between him and me. He thinks you do your job, and what will be will be. I think that what I do and what you do matters. He sleeps better at night. He shouldn't.
- "Sports Medicine": House diagnoses an entire waiting room of people on his way out of the hospital. In around a minute and a half. By just eyeballing it.
- House's speech against Vogler's "New and Improved" drug in "Role Model" — Dr. House bows to no Manipulative Bastard! If he had made the "heroic" gesture — just sucked it up and violated his principles for the sake of his team — who knows how long Cuddy would have allowed Vogler to walk all over her and rule the hospital like an Evil Overlord?
- Even better is the scene where Vogler confronts House. House offers to let bygones be bygones, all water under the bridge. Vogler responds by demanding House's resignation and a public apology. Classic House reply:"So, that's a no?"
- Even better is the scene where Vogler confronts House. House offers to let bygones be bygones, all water under the bridge. Vogler responds by demanding House's resignation and a public apology. Classic House reply:
- The scene where the normally aloof, stoic House rages at Vogler in a hallway full of bystanders (including Cuddy) over him canceling a patient's surgery and saying what no one else has had the guts to admit — that Vogler's only interest in the hospital is money, not saving lives.
- "Hunting": House can't confirm his diagnosis by testing the patient due to his fragile state, so he has to resort to using the patient's father. When the father (who House is convinced was exposed to the same parasite as his son) refuses the tests out of spite (he blamed his son for killing his wife; he threw him out when he was 16 after the son became HIV positive and as a result couldn't donate his kidney to his mother when she needed it, resulting in her death), House comes up with a Plan B. He goads the father into assaulting him, giving House grounds to hit him in the liver with his cane in self-defense, which bursts one of the cysts caused by the parasite and puts him into anaphylactic shock, confirming the diagnosis and ensuring that both father and son were cured.
- House "healing" the clinic patient in "Spin": "Rise and walk!"
- House spends pretty much the entirety of "The Mistake" being awesome, but he tops it all when he actually stops Chase from ruining his career. "If I thought you screwed up because you were hungover, I would've fired you myself." This doubles as a Heartwarming Moment, as it is one of the very few times House ever shows he does care about Chase.
- The Season 2 episode "Clueless": A husband and wife have herpes, and both insist they're not cheating. House exposes the liar by telling them it's actually true you can get herpes from a public toilet seat. The wife still believes that's ridiculous, but the husband is relieved... because it's not true, but the one who's cheating would jump on a way out. A performance worthy of King Solomon.
- "Safe": House finds something he thinks is the tick causing his patient's symptoms but turns out to be dandruff. He declares it'll be more dramatic when he really finds it. He's right - he manages to pull it off by trapping himself, Foreman and the patient in an elevator, getting caught pawing about in her vagina and then, when the patient's irate father is about to beat the crap of him, producing the tick with a smug "Told you it'd be more dramatic."
- The look both Foreman and House give the family as they burst into the elevator doubles as a Funny Moment.
- The episode "Meaning" is an entire CMOA. House suspects a man who has been a complete vegetable for 8 years due to brain cancer might actually have some underlying condition as the cause. However, after two fruitless tests that nearly kill the patient and prove House's theories wrong, House is accused of satisfying his own desire for a puzzle by Cameron, Cuddy, Wilson and Foreman. Cuddy refuses House any more tests and asserts that the man will leave with his family the next day. That night, House has an epiphany and rushes to Cuddy's house. He excitedly explains his diagnosis and then the unbelievable treatment: a single injection of Cortisol will completely cure the man. Cuddy initially refuses to give the man the injection, but the next morning, as he is being wheelchaired out with his family, she injects him saying that it is "against infection". A moment passes and nothing happens. Looking dejected, Cuddy turns and leaves the family as they board an elevator. But before the man is wheeled on he suddenly lifts his head and gasps for breath. He begins to unbuckle himself from the wheelchair and stand up unsteadily as his wife and children scramble to help him up. They lift him to his feet and he and his wife hug, tears streaming from their eyes. The wife looks over to a stunned and crying Cuddy and says "Thank you".Wilson: Why did you do it? Why did you think he might be right?
Cuddy: Because he's House.
- Season 3's Whac-A-Mole, where having obviously worked out what was wrong with the patient, he challenged the fellows to run one test each to figure it out while writing something down and sealing it in an envelope, presumably the answer. When they - predictably - all guessed wrong, House's add-on test proved his theory correct, and he handed the team the envelope...Foreman: Hep A?
Cameron: No. "Chase - Blood test for bacteria. Foreman - MRI, too stubborn to check the lungs. Cameron - nice try, no spasm."
- The final part of the "game" to hire new fellows, and the superb Batman Gambit House used to get the team he wanted. Not only realizing that Cuddy was trying to pull a gambit on him when he asked who she would hire, (she told him the two she didn't want him hiring, thinking he would never do what she said she wanted), he then does exactly what she said, giving him a team of all men, and since it was exactly what Cuddy said she wanted him to do, she couldn't very well make too big a fuss, so instead allows him to hire a third fellow so he'd have a female on the team, which gave House the team he wanted from the start. Then as she's walking away she stops, and you see her realizing that she just became an Unwitting Pawn.Cuddy: Well, at least the game is over.House: How long have you known me?
- "Under my Skin": The whole episode is pure Crowning Moment of Awesome Acting from Hugh Laurie. You can feel the Fear when House believes he has shaken off his hallucination of Amber when he realizes in a phone call with Foreman that his diagnosis wasn't rational, just lucky, thus his rational side is still on walkabout. Cue creepy ambient BGM and Amber standing on the clubs stage, singing "Enjoy yourself, it's later then you think" in a ghostly voice complete with a Slasher Smile.
- In "The Tyrant", House cures the pain in the phantom arm of Wilson's obnoxious neighbor via Mirror Therapy. This is perhaps the only occurrence where someone, after being drugged, bound, and gagged, tearfully thanks the culprit.
- The Season Six Finale. House begins to realize that everything around him is beginning to fall apart. The woman he loves is engaged to another man, his friend is throwing him out of his home and the patient he worked so hard to save dies of a freak surgical complication. He goes home, rips the mirror off his bathroom wall and starts to down his last Vicodin stash in what is most likely a suicide attempt. And then, there she is. They talk, she helps him stand up. He goes to kiss her;House: How do I know I'm not hallucinating?
Cuddy: Did you take the Vicodin?
House: (looks at pills still in hand) Nope.
Cuddy: I think we're good, then.
Cue kiss of awesomeness and close with a final shot of Intertwined Fingers.
- Hell, every damn scene of that episode is a CMoA for House. Crawling through the ruins would be hard even with two good legs.
- It also goes to show why House is the way he is (in part). He cares too much and gets too attached; the only way he can be competent is by having his walls and attitude.
- In Everybody Dies, House is in a burning building talking to a hallucination of Cameron (long story). She desperately begs House to kill himself, and when he argues the point, she calls him a coward for waiting and letting fate decide for him. Instead of dodging the accusation, he owns up to it, to how everything he does is just a way to avoid pain, and then he says: "...but I can change". And after that he decides to do something purely unselfish, faking his own death, ensuring that he can never practice medicine again, in order to spend Wilson's five last months with him.
- This clip. Yes, it's a dream sequence. No, we don't care. AX. CANE. SHOTGUN. That is all.
- And yet another cameo for our good buddy Wilhelm.
- "Safe": Wilson one-ups House in their prank war by sawing halfway through his cane and timing it so that House falls on his ass in the middle of the hallway. He then deadpans that "someone" filed through House's cane while he was asleep, then walks off while House smiles. You know you're good when House is impressed.
- Holding Dr. House's valuable electric guitar hostage, playing dumb about the situation, sending ominous notes, and personally commenting about how diabolical the kidnapper was. The truly awesome moment came when he sent House the torn-out whammy bar.
- Wilson's true CMOA in that episode comes shortly after, when House confronts Wilson about the torn-out whammy and Wilson says something that, if he were talking about a human being, would almost be downright terrifying coming out of his mouth: "You ever tighten a guitar string really, really slowly? Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird... sound. Almost like a scream."
- Remember this quote from season two? "I lied. I've been lying to you in increasing amounts ever since I told you you looked good unshaved a year ago. It's a little experiment, you know, to see where you'd draw the line."
- The moment in "Detox" when you realize it's never been Cuddy's idea to dare House to quit Vicodin cold turkey . . . it was Wilson's. It's the first glimpse you get in the series that Wilson is less sweetness and light and cancer diagnosing and more Magnificent Bastard.
- Also in Detox was when House, in agony from his first Vicodin withdrawal, stubbornly refuses to diagnose the patient with Lupus (hence the show's unofficial catchphrase) even though all of the symptoms add up. When he finally figures out the cause, the patient is already in the surgery room seconds from being cut up. So what does House do? Barge into the room, completely unscrubbed, and starts explaining that the patient is suffering from Naphthalene poisoning. When the surgeon begins calling for surgery, House does the one thing that can immediately stop the procedure: He spits on the surgeon. Never has House been more succinctly described.
- In season six, episode ten, Wilson's neighbor in their apartment complex thinks Wilson and House are a gay couple. After Wilson has no success flirting with her, House attempts to get her drunk and convince her that he and Wilson are having relationship problems as part of a plot to get into her pants. In order to foil this plot, Wilson follows the two into a fancy resturaunt, then publicly and dramatically proffesses his love for Dr. House before falling onto one knee and proposing to him; all in the name of foiling his evil plot.
- "I'm not on antidepressants, I'm on SPEEEEEEEEEEED'."
- "Saviors". Wilson gets House to eat healthy by changing his own diet, and he's been playing on House's guilt over Amber:Wilson: I was screwing with you. It needed to be done. After Amber died, I withdrew, tried to change everything, hoping Id sort it out. Find some deeper truth. It was a mistake. I should have gone back to normal, to here and now, because thats all we can every really count on. Things need to get back to normal in your life. And what could be more normal than me screwing with you and you figuring it out?House: You manipulative bitch. Did you just invoke the name of your dead girlfriend to play me?Wilson: Yes.House: You're my hero.
- "Transplant". House is out of jail and once again working at PPTH, Wilson is still holding a grudge for his behavior in the previous season and insists all episode that their friendship is over for good. House at one point suggests that Wilson hit him in order to let go of his anger so they can move on. At the end of the episode House is standing in his old office after getting it back. Wilson walks in and, without a word, punches House in the face and knocks him flat on his ass:Wilson: Dinner later? I'll pick something up?House: I heard about a great new vegetarian place. (Wilson had previously rejected a sandwich House offered him, saying he'd become a vegetarian.)Wilson: Screw that. I want a steak. I'll meet you at your place at eight.
- When Chase gets fed up with Stacy - "Let's make a deal. I won't use the word 'honestly', and you'll quit stopping by to see House so you don't take it out on me afterwards, how about that?"
- "Airborne": He gets his chance to shine by having the big epiphany and solving the case in House's absence.
- "The Jerk": Chase tells the obnoxious brat of a patient to shut up and eat the meat they need him to eat for the test, or he'll strap him to the bed and force feed him. The kid tries to call his bluff, but then complies with the order once Chase calls for a full set of body restraints. This is the only time in the whole episode that the patient does what he is told, perhaps for all his teenage years, as evidenced by his poor doormat of a mother.
- In the same episode, Chase is the one to figure out who canceled Foreman's job interview. It was House, who denied doing so at first and then blamed Cuddy, who then blamed Wilson, who blamed Cameron, who blamed Chase. Chase guessed House did it and then started the whole thing not to get caught. House then smiles and replies, "Sometimes I forget why I hired you." It's the most praise Chase has ever gotten from House.
- The fourth season has a low key moment: Chase has helped one of the contestants of the Survivor-like competition behind House's back. After a series of events, House goes to yell at Chase for doing so, only to be calmly talked down and told, "You're angry. I understand. If you need help, I'm here. If you just wanna vent...leave a message," and then walks away.
- Breaking up with Cameron in "Under My Skin," for standing up for himself and refusing to adhere to a completely unreasonable demand.
- The entire episode of "The Tyrant". Chase kills a mass-murdering dictator, because letting him live causes far more harm than not.
- Several episodes later, Cameron tries to moralize — or live in denial about — his about taking a human life. Finally, Chase has had enough, and he calls her out on it. "What I did may be the worst thing I ever did. It may be the best. I'm either a murderer or a guy who stopped a mass murderer. But I did it. Me. And even if it destroys me, I'd do it again today. I'm not running away from what I did because you want to pretend I never did it." It leads directly to their break-up, but Chase has shown he has a far stronger moral character than Cameron does, because he is willing to own his actions.
- Punching House simply to get everyone to stop asking him if he's okay.
- When we're leading up to the end and House is distracted with the whole Wilson/prison situation, Chase is the one who gets the big epiphany that solves the case of the week. He replaces House as head of Diagnostic Medicine, the student becoming the master.
- Confronting the patient who offered her crystal meth to deal with the fear of being exposed to HIV. Now she's ticked off at the devil who convinced her that Evil Feels Good with lies about how happy the drugs and sex make him.Cameron: You lied to me.
Calvin: If this is about my mom...
Cameron: This is about your lonely, miserable life.
Calvin: I'm not miserable. And as long as there's a gay bar around, I'm never lonely.
Cameron: You haven't had a single visitor except for your dad. Drugs are great, HIV freed you, your dad hates you, you're so happy... Everything's a lie. You blame yourself for your mom's death. You're not trying to have fun, you're trying to self-destruct. You wanna kill yourself? Fine, but stop recruiting!
- And that, kids, is why Drugs Are Bad!
- Cameron's spiel about sex to Chase, completely flustering him.Cameron: Sex COULD kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. You know that women can have an hour long orgasm?
- Exposing the Munchausen's patient in "Deception":Foreman: We have to delay the venus sampling.Cameron: (smilling) Why? Her urine turning orange?Foreman: How would you know that?Cameron: Because that's what rifampin does.Chase: She's not on antibiotics.Cameron: No, but if a Munchausen's patient thinks she's about to get busted, and she sees pills labeled "Dangerous — Might cause seizures," she might grab a couple... and if that label was accidentally placed on a bottle of antibiotics, and that bottle was accidentally left in her room...Foreman: You set her up?Cameron: Might have.
- "Fetal Position": Resuscitating a pregnant patient during fetal surgery and stopping House in mid-motion from aborting the baby by threatening him with the paddles and warning in her best Mama Bear tone, "You keep going, you're going to get electrocuted!"
- When Cuddy wants revenge on House because she has to work at the hospital instead of being with her daughter, she is getting really nasty, including: Fake "Out of Order" at elevators so House has to take the stairs, stealing his cane and placing tripwires for him.
- Another similar episode results in this:Wilson: Are you putting KY jelly on his telephone receiver? An exploding snake in his drawer?Cuddy: No... I'm replacing his Vicodin stack with laxatives.
- House gets his revenge, though.House: I know when my Vicodin aren't Vicodin, but do you know when your birth-control pills aren't birth-control pills?
- House gets his revenge, though.
- Another similar episode results in this:
- Even though it was only a hallucination, the scene in 'House's Head' when she's doing a striptease and trying to jog House's memory at the same time.
- In 'Babies & Bathwater', when Cuddy stands up against Vogler.
- Her Day in the Limelight episode in season six, "5 to 9," where she catches a thieving pharmacy tech confessing to the theft on tape and then manages to land a deal with an insurance company that's three times better than what she was offered by sticking to her guns all the way to the end.
- Convincing the patient's father in "Act Your Age" to consent to a vaginal exam for abuse. No one else would have talked to him the way Foreman does, and no one else could have done it.
- In "Fools for Love", House makes a bet with Foreman that Wilson is seeing a nurse. The way Foreman proves he isn't is just amazing. He fixed the whole thing, it turns out Foreman's dating her.
Joint Effort Awesome
- House and Wilson thinking the other is depressed and proving it by drugging each other in "Resignation". Exemplified by the awesome line:Wilson: I'm not on anti-depressants, I'm on speeeeeeed!
- "Autopsy": House and a large surgical team perform an autopsy on a live nine-year-old girl in a Hail-Mary attempt to find a blood clot in her brain. And it works!
- Not to mention the opening bit from "Birthmarks" (5x04): Cuddy and Wilson tag-teaming and drugging House to get him to go to his father's funeral.
- Wilson throws something that was very expensive and fragile-looking. House's comment? "Still not boring." The actors nailed the expressions and tones needed to play it all so well that nothing else matters.
- It was a beer bottle Wilson threw; this is actually an important Call-Back to the scene earlier in the episode where House & Wilson are telling the story of how they met to the police officer who arrested Wilson on an outstanding warrant. (House bailed Wilson out of jail after the latter was arrested for throwing a beer bottle through a bar mirror, because he was the one person at the medical convention they were both attending in New Orleans that he thought wasn't boring.)
- Wilson throws something that was very expensive and fragile-looking. House's comment? "Still not boring." The actors nailed the expressions and tones needed to play it all so well that nothing else matters.
- The awesome bit in 'The Greater Good' where Foreman and Thirteen begin to argue diagnoses.House: Oh, stop it!
Thirteen: Stop what?
Thirteen: OK, which one of us should not have an opinion?
House: It's not that. You throw out a lame idea against Foreman's better idea because you're scared that if you agree with him, it'll confirm that he's...boldly gone where no man has gone before.
Kutner [shocked, to Thirteen] You slept with Foreman?
Thirteen: Sorry. You were busy.
Foreman (with a 'why me' expression on his face): House. Drop it. We're seeing each other. Anything else is not relevant.
- The graveyard scene. That is just pure awesome. I mean, House sends them to dig up a fucking grave, for God's sake. The dialogue goes something like this:[Kutner and Brennan are digging up the grave; Thirteen, Henry, and Taub are watching; Cole declined to dig up the grave; and Amber is nowhere to be seen]
Brennan: All right, who's up?
Taub: Not me.
Thirteen: You haven't done any digging yet!
Taub: I'm a surgeon. If anything happens to these hands, I'm screwed. Let Bosley do it. (indicating Henry). As long as he keeps folding laundry, his career will—
Henry [cutting him off] Shh! Someone's coming!
Taub: Shouldn't we be running?
Kutner: If it's a cop, run. If it's a security guard, I say we take him down.
Amber: Sorry I'm late.
Taub: Where the hell have you been?
Amber: I got lost.
Kutner: We've been here for over three hours!
Amber: Really lost. I brought coffee and donuts.
Everyone starts taking coffee and donuts.
Amber [to Thirteen] So, Thirteen, you grew up around here?
Thirteen: We're digging up a grave and you wanna chit-chat?
Amber: I'm just making conversation, it's what people do. [pauses] Why are you hiding everything? I'm asking you that question because you're hiding everything. There's something seriously wrong with you. I'm worried.
Thirteen: No, you're not.
Amber: Fine. But I am freaked, because I don't think you're a freak. I think you're doing this on purpose because you know House will be intrigued.
Thirteen: Yeah, I grew up around here.
[There is a clang; everyone leans in to look at the grave—they've reached the coffin]
Kutner: [in a spooky voice, smiling] Honey, I'm home.
[He wipes dirt and dust away to reveal wood]
Brennan: Get the crowbar.
Kutner: No, there's not enough room to maneuver a crowbar down here.
He swings his pickaxe.
Kutner: Ah, God help us.
The pickaxe has gone through the wood. We see Kutner trying to widen the hole. Everyone leans in to look, and Kutner peers through the hole.
Kutner: What the hell?
Thirteen: What is it?
Kutner: Ankles. They buried the guy the wrong way around.
[He hits the coffin with the pickaxe in anger]
- The whole S6 finale is a CMOA for:
- The writers - this is how you do Character Development!
- House - crawling through the ruins is hard even with healthy legs.
- Hugh Laurie - writing good character development is one thing. Actually managing to play it well, that's the other half of the success. He totally pulled it off.
- Canon - the whole episode was filmed with EOS 5D MK2s.
- Kutner had one (aired March 16th) in which
a cathe pissed on House's chair. Also a Funny Moment.
- Cole finally standing up to House...by punching him in the jaw.
- Amber coming up with the diagnosis, complete with House-like epiphany, in that same scene.
- Amber's first good moment comes on the first day of House's game when she talks her entire group of applicants (bar Cole), who had been ordered to wash House's car, into quitting with her before returning with House's stolen car keys and taking the car to a car wash, revealing that she never intended to quit herself - only to con the others into doing so.
- The dream sequences in Bombshells alternate between extremely funny and extremely awesome. The most awesome one is the one where House is attacked by Zombie Chase and proceeds to kill him with his cane (which turned into an axe), quipping "Good thing I brought my axe cane". His cane then turns into a gun and he kills some more zombies.
- Park hitting House with his own cane to stop him from killing the patient.