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Arson Murder And Jaywalking / Web Original

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ah yes, the three most historically important revolutions. the russian, french, and dance dance
— Tumblr post
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking in Web Original.
  • A good number of template-based memes follow a 4-step format of "arson, murder, jaywalking, and larceny". One of the most well-known examples of this is this meme.
  • A certain 2012 review:
    Pretty much every kind of imaginable catastrophe can be found in this film. Earthquakes? Check. Volcanos? Check. Collapsing skyscrapers? Check. Uncontrolled fires? Check. Raining ash? Check. Plane crashes? Check. Capsized ocean liners? Check. Tsunamis? Check. John Cusack as an action hero? Check — say anything, but not that!
  • Ace Attorney according to an AI: In #5, Gumshield(who's apparently supposed to be Dick Gumshoe) lists the charges against Phoenix Wright.
    Gumshield: We immediately arrested Mr. Wright for murder, death and treason to the Kingdom of Khura'in, as well as having an unauthorized relationship with a spirit channel.
  • Adult Wednesday Addams: After talking about sleeping in a coffin and communing with her dead grandmother, Wednesday asks her potential roommates if they compost.
  • The Adventures Of Sheep And Chicken:
    Sheep: Let's move, Chicken. I don’t feel safe if there's any hiker around. Plus, there's no good grass here.
  • This meme has the main character reading up the demands of the kidnapper, but the thing that bothers him the most is the spelling errors.
  • The American Anime Otaku did a review of Death Note and after showing the clip of the death of Kuro Otoharada while Light Yagami was testing the notebook, the Otaku said, "Excuse me!? No, no, no, no, no. This is gotta be some coincidence. Let's try this again. Let's see. There's... Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or... Hugo Chavez or... Kim Jong Il or... Justin Bieber..."
  • Subverted in one episode of Andrew Klavan On the Culture when he was discussing about how "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".
    Klavan: Shouldn't it be paved with bad intentions, or flaming bricks, or copies of the New York Times, or maybe the steaming entrails of Communists and Nazis?
  • The Angry Video Game Nerd:
  • The Terms of Service of Archive of Our Own mention that "using the Archive may expose you to material that is offensive, triggering, erroneous, sexually explicit, indecent, blasphemous, objectionable, grammatically incorrect, or badly spelled".
  • In one episode of Atop the Fourth Wall, Linkara rattles off a list of evil robots, which includes The Terminator and Robbie The Robot.
  • "Baby's Named A Bad Bad Thing" FAQ has tips on naming your child: "Do a Google search for your name ideas. If all you get are porn sites, white supremacist groups, and pictures of My Little Pony, it's a bad name."
  • From Barats and Bereta's "Mattress Sale!" episode:
    Barats: Cuz Monday I go to jail: For Tax Evasion! Child Pornography! And Jaywalking!
  • On The Best Page in the Universe, in this post: "People don't need to be coddled. Humanity has survived holocausts, wars, natural disasters, plagues and reality television."
  • Botchamania:
    • When the Cornette Face became an Ascended Meme, a short video was made describing its purpose. It pulls this trope twice.
      First debuting in Botchamania 84, the Cornette Face has been used to summarize the emotions brought on by insane booking decisions, complete disregard of basic wrestling principles, and late WCW Kevin Nash matches. The bad wrestling featured alongside the Cornette Face is made to look worse than it already is, as it appears that the footage has shocked Cornette to the point where he cannot even move. He is powerless to move. He is powerless to rant. He is powerless to spit on Eric Bischoff's windshield.
    • It also dips into this in video 121. "Blind Ref?! Deaf Ref?! Stupid Ref?! Mullet Ref?! FUCK THIS COMPANY!"
  • Parodied in part one of The Claire Floogin Movie.
  • During the "Not Safe for Work" warning in Chip Cheezum's Bad Anime #2 video:
    Chip Cheezum: "...[T]o give you examples of what's in this show is: Murder, sex, attempted rape, lots of nude prostitutes, more murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, killing, murder, a man gets his neck shot so many times his head falls off, a man gets his head torn off by a subway car moving in the opposite direction, BROOKLYN ACCENTS!
  • CollegeHumor / Dropout:
    • In an episode of Bleep Bloop, the 'Phantom of the Office' pays a visit and lists his favorite games as follows "Let me see, hoop stick, drown the cat, drown the rat, hobble the goat, and frogger, frogger was hard!"
    • In the "The Problems with Jeggings Continues" sketch, Mr. S lists off innappropriate articles of clothing that will not be allowed in class, such as "NO cellophane hoodies, NO bra cardiagns, NO U-Neck T-shirts, NO Hollister CLOTHES!" This trope actually applies to the entire sketch series, where he emphasizes jeggings over the extremely revealing and often indecent outfits worn by other students.
    • In the video Duck Hunt: Behind the Scenes, the dog describes formula RD-601 (used to punish players who cheat the games) as such:
      Duck Hunt Dog: It's a mixture of crystal meth, jet fuel and Pixie Sticks.
    • In "Facebook History of the World", the Romans mention that they like War, Starting War, Having Wars With People Multiple Times, Even More War, Just A Really Obscene Amount Of War, Rape, and Sandals.
  • From Community is the memetic usage of Britta Perry's declaration that she can "excuse racism" but that she "draws the line at animal cruelty" often follows the format of "I can excuse arson and murder but I draw the line at jaywalking".note  The original scene doesn't quite quality, as animal cruelty isn't exactly "jaywalking".
  • ContraPoints:
    • In "Jordan Peterson", Natalie disgustedly calls philosopher David Hume "a fuckin' racist, and also Scottish."
    • The "Are Traps Gay?" video has yet another one warning that it contains "discussion of transphobic slurs and violence, and graphic displays of anime."
    • In "The Hunger,” Natalie in character as an evangelical pastor refers to children being "delivered directly into the hands of Satanists, pornographers, or worse, Episcopalians."
  • Cracked loves this.
  • Likes: Blood, death, knives, psycos' [sic], pointy objects, Green Day, and... staying up all night.
  • The third season finale of David Mitchell's Soapbox featured a run down on the topics covered over the season, ending with
    And the of course, the big three — the subjects it would be a dereliction of my duty not to address on this platform: maintaining the stability of our planet's resources, the urgent need to convince the skeptics of our environmental peril, and the imperative never to go "woo" at a sandwich.
  • Two of Doug Walker's more obscure videos had it:
    • GNN's Lori Prince Live does an interview with the Mad Hatter and March Hare who are for the legalization of drugs. When stating they simple hold "harmless tea parties" anonymous insider 'Ms. A' issues the following statement: "What these two call harmless tea parties are nothing more than backyard, drug fueled, interspecies-orgies, where underage drinking and smoking go hand in hand amid psychedelic acid tripping and improper use of the condiment, mustard, all delivered in haze of smoke that would make Cheech & Chong pass out from overload." Hatter promptly takes offense to this stating that it was not mustard, but lemon zest.
    • The first VideoGameConfessions featuring Metal Gear's Solid Snake combines this with Crosses the Line Twice whilst uncovering the origins of Snake's box: the box he is, in fact, a 'security blanket,' that he has carried around since, at age 5, he hid it while witnessing the murder of his parents. After his parents were killed, the killer proceeded to tap dance on the corpses, use them perform The Muppet Show's "Pigs In Space" Routine (with Snake's father playing Miss Piggy and his mother as one of the male pigs), disembowel them and play "Under the Sea" on their rib cages, before finally mixing then in a blender with his own urine as a drink. The final insult: stealing the change from Snake's piggy bank. Later on, however, Dominic discovered that Snake was, in fact a clone, and the box was alive.
  • Dream Machine: In episode 1.04, The Opposite of People, Leah complains about having to write around guest actors' "schedules", "their vertigo", and "their no-nudity clauses".
  • On the Dream SMP, Schlatt's decrees after being inaugurated as President include naming himself The Emperor of Manburg (which he renamed from L'Manburg), exiling his political opponents and ordering them to be hunted down, increasing taxes on disobedient citizens to the point of taxing them out of the house and home, killing all the wildlife, and pledging to replace all the fountains with Hawaiian Punch.
  • Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog:
    Dr. Horrible All the cash! All the fame! And social change!
  • In an interview with Suicide Girls, Doctor Steel says that those that have attempted world domination in the past have gone about it in the wrong way. "War, destruction, genocide, mini-malls..."
  • The wiki Encyclopedia Dramatica has a page called "Offended", devoted to the most obscene and disgusting pictures found on the Internet. After literally ''dozens'' of horrible pictures, it ends by showing George W. Bush.
  • Epic Meal Time: Harley, after ordering a Baconator and fries in a Wendy's drive-through, is told the drink would only be twenty cents more.
    "Your drink will be?" "Fresca."
  • Farce of the Three Kingdoms points this out early on, with the terrible omens from heaven including a giant snake monster, earthquakes...and transgender chickens. The last of which is the biggest problem.
  • Brian David Gilbert's "Five C's" of good management in the Dark Souls episode of Unraveled:
    Clear Vision (Sets goals, Shows how to reach those goals, Believes in the work they're doing)
    Consistent Feedback (Gives honest comments about work, Explains when an employee makes a mistake, Tells employees when they are doing well)
    Cherishes Employees (Values employee perspectives, Understands employee needs, Cares about employee wellbeing)
    Compassionate Leadership (High emotional intelligence, Honest, trusts employees, Respectful, and worthy of respect)
    Can Go To Town On A Motherfucker (Dang, this boss can really give a dude the business)
  • In The Frenemy's advice on seduction she is recommending that girls lie to guys in bars, giving examples such as, "Hey, I'm a surgeon. With a heart of gold." "I'm a hooker who can fly!" and "I'm not going to get obsessed with you."
  • GameFAQs: Many people on Current Events say there is a special place in Hell for child molesters, murderers, and people who upload multi-part files to Rapidshare.
  • From the Game Grumps, we get these examples:
  • Game Theory:
  • Half in the Bag: In their review of Suicide Squad (2016), Jay lists modern problems in society: "Crime, poverty, Andy Dick and terrorism."
  • Honest Trailers does this at the end of their Batman Begins trailer, which takes off from Ra's speech to Bruce Wayne about the League of Shadows' influence on the course of history:
    Ra's al Ghul: We sacked Rome, loaded trade ships with plague rats, burned London to the ground...
    Epic Voice Guy: ...cancelled Firefly, made Crash win Best Picture, discovered Justin Bieber, made Harambe a meme...
  • During Internet Historian's video about the Agile 2013 event where their screens, which would display any tweet from Twitter tagged with #agile2013 in real time, were hijacked by /b/. The person who started the thread and gave them the hashtag requested they post "ridiculous avatars, gore, and trap imagery" to rile up the conference.
  • Jew or Not Jew is a website that rates famous people based on how Jewish (or not Jewish) they are, with the highest possible score being fifteen and the lowest being zero. As of this edit, there are only four people with a score of zero: Josef Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Kim Jong Un, and Mel Gibson.
  • There are quite a few of these examples in JibJab's year-in-review episodes, but they mostly have to go to "2011, Buh-Bye!" A few examples are:
    • This verse:
      We finally took out bin Laden.
      Japan had one hell of a year. (A year!)
      There were riots in Britain: "All rotten!"
      Harold Camping: The Rapture!
      2012 "Seer": Not yet, but it's near. (Next year!)
    • A verse which could be either this or Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick:
      The S&P blew up our rating.
      The jobs market stayed in a slump. (A slump!)
      The debt ceiling had us debating,
      While Weiner just tweeted his junk.
    • Another verse:
      There were Occupy Wall Street protesters,
      And folks who will surely be missed.
    • And here's one more verse:
      Quakes! Crimes! New signs!
    • It's been in just about every year:
      In 2007, there was famine, fire! Don't forget Sanjaya!
  • The John Dredge Nothing To Do With Anything Show has a parody of the Are You Being Served? theme song based on Dante's Circles of Hell, which ends with this:
    Lift girl: Eighth circle: Fraudsters, thieves and fundamentalists, hypocrites, astrologers and comedy impressionists. Going down... Ninth circle: Satan, treachery and pants.
  • In Jon Lajoie's video Mysteries of the Universe:
    "Why does war exist? Why do we hate, why do we keep killing each other and who keeps making these Martin Lawrence movies? Big Momma's House 2? Two!? What the f—"
  • JonTron: 17 LIFE SENTENCES, 5 LETHAL INJECTIONS, 10 DECADES OF FAMILIAL SHAMING
  • Jreg subverted this trope in The Political Compass Rap wherein the extremes of the Political Compass are represented by a Soviet Communist, a Neo-Nazi, an Antifa thug and a sleazy businessman respectively but Ancap begins his introduction ordering child prostitutes.
  • In Kickassia, although it was never shown, the bloopers show the unused takesnote  of Bennett the Sage's suggestions of what to do with the Nostalgia Critic:
    Take 1: I say we castrate him with a fork, tie him to a cactus, then play piñata with his entrails.
    Take 2: I say we eviscerate him with a sawblade, and laugh at his misfortune and play in his blood.
    Take 3: I say we trick him into having sex with a transsexual prostitute and laugh at his misfortune.
    Take 4: I say we strap him to a work-to bench, pour honey on his genitals, then fire ants, and then watch as he dies as insects slowly bite away his flesh.
    Take 5: I say we get a vat of liquid nitrogen, put his hand in there, wait until it freezes over, then claw it out with a hammer.
    Take 6: I say we kill him.
  • There exists a website called kids-in-mind.com which gives detailed ratings on any possibly objectionable material in films. Anything that could (ir)rationally be called offensive is listed.
    • Take for instance, Law-Abiding Citizen, a film that scored a 9/10 in violence thanks to people being dismembered, blown up, incinerated, poisoned, suffocated, raped, and stabbed. The icing on the violence cake? "Two men eat food using their fingers."
    • One of only four examples listed for Sex and Nudity was "A man and his wife kiss in several scenes." possibly not knowing that married couples do that sometimes.
  • Recent entries of the Madness series by Krinkels contain Easter egg posters with things written on them for those willing to pause the animation and read. In Madness Aborgation, there's a poster that reads "WANTED: DEAD, "Deimos" Murdurer, Liar, Thief, Conspirator, Traitor, Smoker"
  • The Map Men episode "The longitude problem: history's deadliest riddle" explains that many of history's greatest minds had tried to solve the titular problem, but failed and instead discovered other things, such as the weight of the Earth, the speed of light, and cucumber sandwiches.
  • In Mario and Luigi: Super Anime Bros 3 Luigi, who has assumed rulership of the Koopa Kingdom, forced Toad to watch his siblings be killed in front of him, killed all of Chain Chomp's friends in his war against the Mushroom Kingdom, and ended Waluigi's lucrative Tennis career by outlawing Tennis.
  • From Mark Reads Harry Potter Goblet of Fire Chapter 10.
    Mark: There's also a great deal of commentary on slavery, oppression, privilege, and why Percy is so goddamn annoying.
  • From Mary Sue Problems:
    Mary Sue Problem #100: I'm not like the other girls because I'm telepathic, telekinetic, and psychic. Also I have like five different prophecies going on about me right now. And a vampire, demon, and werewolf are all fighting over me. And I don't wear make-up.
  • Matthew Santoro:
    • Zig-zagged in Yo Mama. In the beginning of the video, Matt talks about what it was like to be a child, saying "Some kid would make fun of your mom, and then you'd cry, and then you'd end up punching said kid in the face, and then you grew up with violent tendencies which caused you to lose every job you've ever had because you keep punching your bosses in the face, and then you'd use all your newly-found free time to make videos on the Internet!"note 
    • In Winter is WICKED!, Matt says that winter is bad, because winter means no more sunny days, no more warm weather, and no more girls in bikinis.
    • In THE GREATEST EVAR!, Matt is surprised to learn that Homer Simpson was voted as the greatest character created for TV or film from 1990 to 2010. He objects, saying that while he likes Homer Simpson, he thinks that Darth Vader, Batman, and Hannah Montana deserve the title more than Homer Simpson.
    • In Psychic Octopus & Oil Spills, Matt says that when he watches TV, he watches "important stuff", like House, Entourage, and Barney & Friends.
    • In World of Warcraft BEATDOWN, Eugene is embarrassed about an incident that once happened to him where someone made a fake Facebook profile with the name "Sexy Lexi" and a revealing profile picture and added him as a friend. He defends himself to Matt by saying, "Yeah, OK, that only happened once, and she said she liked me. And she was really pretty. Plus, she said she liked my lightsaber."
    • In Worldwide Internet Control!, Matt says that Kim Jong-il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Steve Ballmer note  always plagiarize other peoples' ideas.
    • In The 10 Types of People on Instagram, Matt complains about people who use obscure hashtags on Instagram like #BooBooKittyPictureFun. He says, "#Annoying, #Overkill, #Stop. #BooBooKittyPictureFun."
    • In Why Beards are Awesome, Matt says that a beard can be useful for carrying things such as weapons, tools, and snacks.
  • In the online game Monster Galaxy, you can go on a quest to retrieve some compromising photos. They show a man committing various felonies like robbery, but the last photo is one of him jaywalking near a "Don't Cross" sign.
  • MrRepzion once made a Q&A video titled "Paganism, Sex Scandals, and Feet". note 
  • My Way Entertainment's The Juggernaut(Bitch!) gets so angry, that he states what he's going to do to the offending party:
    Juggernaut: I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna rape him, I'm gonna eat his fucking costume...
  • In Neal.fun's Dark Patterns, the "Agree, and..." section has a rather shady Terms of Service agreement.
    I agree to the TOS and henceforth agree to sell my soul to shady corp, forfeit my first born child to will of the corporation, and sign up for the newsletter.
  • New Life SMP: After Scott kills a large number of infinitely-spawning pigs on an island near Seapeekay's housenote , Seapeekay decides to sue him in his 3rd episode for causing mass panic (to himself), 125 counts of murder, "[s]howing no emotion towards the animals that i cared deeply about", and having a Scottish accent.
    Seapeekay: Not sure [if] I can sue him for the last one, but I thought while we're gonna go to court, might as well throw it in.
  • The Nostalgia Chick's review of top movie villains includes captions listing the various characters' prosecutable crimes. Amid such offenses as "Treason", "Manslaughter", "Conspiracy to Genocide" and the like are occasional mentions of "Littering" (discarding a bone from dinner) or "Animal Cruelty" (squashing bugs).
  • The Nostalgia Critic
    • He spoofed an odd scene in the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special where Skeletor used his magic staff to make parkas for two kids he kidnapped.
      Critic: My wand can do anything! It can kill people, destroy cities, and make fashionable fur coats!
    • In his "Top 11 Saddest Moments" video, when talking about Thomas J. Sennett's funeral from My Girl, he has this to say about Anna's situation at that point:
      Critic: Not only is her only friend in the entire world dead, but she's the one that knocked down the beehive that caused him to get stung to death, it's because of her mood ring that Culkin went back, her dad is the undertaker of Culkin's body, the funeral is held at HER house and she finds out the teacher she had a crush on is getting married ON THE EXACT SAME DAY.
  • Obscurus Lupa:
    • In her series of Charmed reviews, she likes to talk about how the Charmed Ones are actually evil. In one video, she points out that Piper has raised a son who kills someone while he's still a baby, grows up to become the evil ruler of the world, and "looks hilariously like a member of Nickelback".
    • In another video, she plays a clip of Phoebe claiming that something is her worst idea ever. Lupa points out that some of her previous bad ideas make this one pale in comparison, like choosing to become the evil Queen of the Underworld, and also wearing that stupid-looking flamenco shirt with the detached sleeves.
  • An article for The Onion parodying coverage of the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks claimed that Americans would rather think about the attacks than any of the dreadful events that followed:
    Phyllis Bennett of San Jose, CA, [...] considered 9/11 a notably less unpleasant topic than the Iraq War, the worldwide financial meltdown, Hurricane Katrina, the nation's debt burden, the deaths of 6,200 U.S. troops, China's rise into a global superpower, the housing market, relentless partisan bickering, millions of job losses, the war in Afghanistan, nuclear proliferation, unchecked climate change, declining household income, swine flu, or the 9/11 Truth movement.
  • In Open Blue, the Axifloan Coalition lists various crimes that various Pirate Lords and ladies are wanted for. While some have pretty serious lists throughout, others... not so much. From v4's Pirate Lord list: Pirate Lady Lucille Prideux's list ends with "Theft in general" while Captain Van Wijk's ends with "Blasphemy" (which is pretty light compared to his other crimes). The real cake takers, however, are Captain Garth, with "Unlicensed operation of a menagerie", and Captain Ingrid, with "Insulting Admiral Flota Vladimir Ilyavich Tokarev, HERO OF THE TRIBES".
  • PBS Idea Channel: Mike's description of "horror proper" in "What Do Horror Movies And Cable News Networks Have In Common?", as illustrated by the 90 percent of the iceberg that's submerged:
    Fiscal crisis, water shortage, income disparity, climate change, school shootings, social unrest, high unemployment, more Transformers movies.
  • Protectors of the Plot Continuum: Charge lists often start with technical errors, progress to serious problems like Rape Is Love or Canon Defilement, and quite often end on the charge of "Annoying PPC agents".
  • On Rational Wiki's article on Phyllis Schafly:
    "[...]The passage of ERA, she declared, would mean Government-funded abortions, homosexual schoolteachers, women "forced" into military combat, men refusing to support their wives, and unisex bathrooms."
  • From The Runaway Guys' first Mario Party video:
    Jon: We set the man out to drown in the ocean, and then you threw a bomb at himnote .
    Chugga: And stole all his money.
  • The Salvation War: The commander of the sub that nuked Tel Aviv finally wakes up in Hell and is informed of the charges against him: " Captain Alex Ben-Shoshan, commanding officer of the Israeli Navy Submarine Tekuma. You are charged with crimes against humanity, treason against the human race, one hundred and fifty three thousand, six hundred and twenty counts of murder in the first degree and failing to complete your navigation logs."
  • SCP Foundation:
    • We have SCP-048, an SCP slot which was retired from the catalog and no longer assigned due to misfortunes befalling every item it was assigned to. It mentions that personel working with items assigned the number "have had a 50% higher rate of turnover due to death, dismemberment, and disciplinary action."
    • A proposal for creating a portable device for detecting SCP-1822-induced meson parity violations reads, in part:
      Misuse of false vacuum generation creates potential risk of false vacuum decay, outcome and likelihood unknown, presumed low. Possible consequences include immediate gravitational collapse of the entire universe, complete alteration or cessation of all fundamental forces, spontaneous destruction of all baryonic matter, unforeseen changes to the flow of time, reconfiguration of complex structures and/or an extremely loud noise that may potentially cause hearing damage to those in immediate vicinity.
    • "Helen Homemaker's Hints for the Harried Housewife" is a book which contains instructions that, if followed exactly as written, result in successful meals, birthday parties, or whatever. Those instructions start off as slightly strange, but as a subject continues to read the book and follow the instructions...
      the instructions turn into detailed rituals [...] Most of these rituals involve murder, cannibalization, sexual encounters, self mutilation, and canned vegetables.
    • SCP-2014 ("Zsar Magoth"). SCP-2014 has inspired many cults that have committed crimes such as theft, murder and indecent exposure.
  • The Seven Deadly Schmucks: In Episode 3, Ban is in jail for these crimes: (allegedly) killing the great holy knight, (allegedly) threatening to slaughter the entire royal family, and eating the world's entire supply of Twinkies.
  • SF Debris
    • In one of his Doctor Who reviews, he mentions that the alliance against the Eleventh Doctor included "The Daleks, the Cybermen, and the hordes of angry David Tennant fans."
    • In his review for Voyager's episode "Meld", Tuvok needs to simulate something in order to get himself angry. He points out that Tuvok had a wide variety of things that could choose from, including his family being killed, his wife being violated, his planet getting destroyed, or spending a few minutes with Neelix. He chooses the last one.
  • Skippy's List has examples:
    106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD's.
  • SMPEarth: Wilbur excludes Tommy from his alliance because of attacking the people he tried to form a treaty with, claiming their lands, and failing to get in the faction plane.
  • Occurs in a Some Jerk with a Camera review. And naturally, only the Jaywalking one has anyone acting outraged.
    Some Jerk with a Camera: No, look, just because your life is a lie doesn't mean you can't be happy. Just look at me! My whole life is a lie and I'm happy as a clam! I've never told anyone this but I am Nicole Simpson's real killer. Yeah. And I shot Tupac. And Biggie. And JFK. And J.R. Ewing. I escaped from Gitmo twice and I still have the tag to prove it. I- I– I- *pause* I am Jack the Ripper. And the Zodiac Killer. And Keyser Söze. And the undercover cop in Reservoir Dogs. Uh, I started the goddamn Chicago fire. I canceled Firefly! I'll confess to whatever you want just please for the love of god don't bring Urkel back from the dead.
  • Something Awful:
    • Something Awful's review of Grand Theft Auto IV in the style of Jack Thompson notes a (fake) scene where the player carjacks and stabs a family driving to church, then notes that the in-game vehicles have no turn signals.
    • One account on the Something Awful forums was permanently banned for the following reasons: 6 bans, 20 probations, constant shitposting, spelling more "moar." (it helps to realize that permabans are generally given for severe or repeat offenses, as punishment for failing some sort of challenge, self-imposed or otherwise, or for being a previously permabanned member.
    • On the Something Awful forum thread that started The Slender Man Mythos someone made this comment:
    Thanks to this thread I now hate trees, windows, and tall people.
  • Songun Blog, which is a parody of North Korean propaganda practices claims America is "filled with unemployment, foreclosures, crime, drugs, prostitution, murder and jaywalking."
  • This verse from the Songify the News / "Weird Al" Yankovic take on the first 2020 presidential debate, "WE'RE ALL DOOMED":
    Exploding trees, COVID-19, hurricanes with names past the letter "Z"
    Conspiracy theories about vaccines, murder hornets coming from across the sea
    Too many memes about World War III, can't tell what's hell or reality
    Earthquakes ruining my whole week 'cause I dropped my keys in the crack between the cupholder and my car seat
  • StewdioMACK: In "Mack Locked Down":
    Mack: 2020 was a pretty terrible year for everyone. There was a global pandemic that swept the globe, obviously, massive riots and civil unrest, and I was unable to get a PlayStation 5 on release day. And Ellen got cancelled.
  • StacheBros: In "Night Of The Living Goomba", when Mario and Luigi come across a pile of dead Goombas:
    Luigi: What we are seeing here is quite possibly the worst thing ever! Look what we have done! Forget about killing a lot of Goombas, we've killed hundreds! Thousands!! Millions!!! TENS!!!
    Mario: Um, counting doesn't work that way, but I know!
  • The disclaimer for an (in character) advertisement for Survival of the Fittest spinoff Virtua SOTF reads as follows.
    Side effects include moral, gender, sexuality dissonance, trauma, depression, stress, addiction, nausea, mental affliction, nightmares and tiredness.
  • TB Skyen describes the results of grinding in Dark Souls in this video (contains spoilers):
    Upgraded Paladin Armour (+5)
    Upgraded Elite Knight Armour (+5-8)
    Replaced broadsword with longsword b/c stabby stabby
    Pyromancy flame at +15 i.e. actually useful
    Upgraded zweihander (+10)
    Developed crippling addiction to zweihander R2snote 
  • When Todd in the Shadows reviewed "Grenade", he analyzed a stretch of lyricsnote  and concluded it is about a woman who is abusive, demonic, insane, evil, deceitful, and bad at auto repair.
  • The Tourettes Guy explains why he and his ex-wife got divorced:
    Danny: My wife was fuckin' everybody in Bismarck.
    Interviewer: Is that why you two got a divorce back in 1999?
    Danny: That, and her spaghetti sucked dick.
  • This tumblr post contains the trigger warnings for abuse, blood and bad art.
  • Uncyclopedia's article on the Grim Reaper says that he "was forced to arrest himself on trumped-up charges of assault, murder, looting, arson and being far more interesting than is the legal limit." May also double as Arson, Murder, and Admiration.
  • From part one of the Werewolf Prevention Guide, "You may remember me from such videos as Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, Protecting you and your family from Vampires & Advanced Billiards Tutorial."
  • This article, titled "The 30 Wickedest Villains by Disney", lists Cruella DeVil's crimes as "Dangerous Driving, Theft, Cruelty to Animals, Puppy Killing, Smoking in an enclosed Public area".
  • Wikipedia is pretty rife with this:
    • According to her Wikipedia page, after Boudica's husband died, his will was ignored. The kingdom was annexed as if conquered, Boudica was flogged and her daughters raped, and Roman financiers called in their loans.
    • On the Wikipedia page for sleep deprivation, there's an image that lists the effects, some of which are irritability, cognitive impairment, memory lapses or loss, impaired moral judgement, hallucinations, and severe yawning.
    • On the Wikipedia page for the SS: "Members of labor organizations and those perceived to be affiliated with groups (religious, political, social and otherwise) that opposed the regime...were rounded up in large numbers; these included clergy of all faiths, Jehovah's Witnesses, Freemasons, Communists, and Rotary Club members."
    • On the Wikipedia page for the Malleus Maleficarum: "The Malleus Maleficarum accuses witches of infanticide, cannibalism, casting evil spells to harm their enemies, and having the power to steal men’s penises". Granted, some (roughly half) of the population may feel that the last is the most horrific thing ever, but still.
    • From Wikipedia's article on Bert Is Evil:
      "The website featured manipulated images of the puppet consorting with nefarious figures including Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and Jerry Springer."
    • The video for The Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch" inspired this bit on Wikipedia. Everything but the last one kind of works, but chefs...?
      The video reached #11 on MuchMusic's 50 Most Controversial Videos for references to zoophilia, sexual lyrics, insulting French people, gay people and chefs.
    • From Wikipedia's entry on ailurophobia "A noted sufferer was Napoleon Bonaparte. Other sufferers may have included Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Genghis Khan, Mussolini, Hitler [and] La Toya Jackson."
    • The page on buzz words says that some of the common misuses of buzz words include thought-control, perjury, and... disguising idle chit-chat as important discussion.
    • It also says that the Greek goddess Hecate was associated with magic, witchcraft, necromancy, and... crossroads.
    • The Wikipedia page for the game Hocus Pocus (no relation to the movie) offers this sentence:
      Throughout his journey, Hocus encounters strange and sometimes dangerous creatures, like mummies, bats and Eskimoes.
    • On this entry about anonymous, it claims that McKay Hatch recieved, "Hate mail, obscene phone calls, and bogus pizza deliveries."
    • The Polish Wikipedia's article on Étienne-Gaspard Robert:
    Robertson's phantasmagorias were meant to terrify the viewers; they included stories about witches preparing for a sabbat, the witches from Macbeth, the temptation of saint Anthony, resurrection of the dead, and patriotic themes.
    • "Gerald Arthur "Jerry" Sandusky is an American convicted serial rapist, child molester and retired college football coach."
    • In a similar way to Sandusky, "Joseph James DeAngelo Jr. is an American serial killer, serial rapist, burglar, and former police officer..."
    • The article on The New '10s begins each paragraph with a major world event of the decade. In order, there was an international recession, there was competition between China and the U.S., information technology progressed, global warming increased, and... superhero films became box office leaders.
  • At one point in 2014, the five most contested Wikipedia articles in English were "George W. Bush", "Anarchism", "Muhammad", "List of WWE personnel", and "Global warming".
  • You Have Become Your Avatar: Upon waking up in the Trauma Inn, Xion!bRaH said, "This isn't my body, this isn't my house, and it's too early to wake up!"
  • On YouTube, user GrapplingIgnorance mentions in his video here that he has chosen not to have kids. He admits that it might deny humanity a great mind like a future Einstein, "By not reproducing I've also potentially prevented creating another Hitler, Osama Bin Laden or Justin Bieber."
  • During a job interview which takes place in the middle, of all things, a space invaders review, we get "our company does not discriminate based on race, gender, sexual orientation, enslavement to eldrich abominations, or against the living dead... Bald people need not apply."
  • Christian movie review sites often end up doing this, given their All Crimes Are Equal treatment of objectionable content and stricter definitions of "objectionable." Reviews will often go right from listing off nudity and graphic violence to someone saying "butt."

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