Arson Murder And Jaywalking / Fan Works

"Normally, I would not condone any meddling between two separate realities. You never know what that sort of thing might lead to: injuries, death, the end of the universe as we know it, badly written teenage drama..."

— Iroh, Bring Me All Your Elderly!

Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking in Fan Works.

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Animorphs

• In the "What if Jake was stuck in morph?" chapter of All Assorted Animorphs AUs, Rachel's charges for faking Jake's death by drunk-joyriding are underage intoxication, reckless endangerment, and the utter loss of her mother’s good faith and trust.
• Eleutherophobia:
  • In Back to the Future, Tom describes Jake at his most intimidating as being able to make war-princes cry, top-ranked vissers beg for mercy, and people like his family forget what an incredible dork he was the rest of the time.
  • When Jake asks the class why the Animorphs won against the Yeerks in Slaughterhouse-Five, most of the students respond with a lot of military jargon... and then the last one says "courage and pluck."

Arrowverse

• In The Cutting Edge, Laurel's glimpse into the Bad Future includes seeing a nuke going off, John and Thea leaving the team, the deaths of Samantha, Quentin, and Oliver,... and Oliver walking away from Felicity.

Avatar: The Last Airbender

• In Bring Me All Your Elderly!, Iroh brings up what could result from meddling between two separate realities: "injuries, death, the end of the universe as we know it, badly written teenage drama... The possibilities are endless."
• In Avatar: The Abridged Series episode 11, the leader of the Northern Water Tribe gives a feast of "seal testicles, penguin testicles, polar bear testicles, and gazpacho".

BattleTech

• In Fragmentation, Captain-General Janos Marik confronts the temporary stand-in for ComStar's ambassador while he was off planet about a series of 'rumors' about their organisation. Rumors that are all absolutely true.
  Janos: Rumors that ComStar is experimenting with drugs to pacify entire populations, that ComStar intends to recreate the Terran Hegemony with itself as the ruling party, that it was responsible for that recent nasty pirate affair between the Lyrans and the Combine, and, of course, the deeply disturbing slander that ComStar is conducting human experimentation to produce Super Soldiers for the ComGuard. That the Primus intends to recreate the Star League with himself as the First Lord. And, of course, the usual age-old accusations that ComStar reads the mail we send that they might profit from private communications. Such base rumors about the noble couriers who carry our mail never seem to die. Human nature, I suppose.

Bleach

• In The First Guardian, the first chapter has a list of things Ichigo can't do (given to him by his Zanpakuto Spirit):
  "You can't fly, Ichigo."
  "You can't phase through walls, Ichigo."
  "You can't read minds, Ichigo."
  "You can't use the Force to trick people into buying you things, Ichigo. The Force doesn't even exist."
  "You can't stay up all night today, you have exams coming up soon and you have to be on your best."

Calvin and Hobbes

• Examples from the Calvinverse:
  • Done repeatedly in Can You Imagine That?.
    Calvin: What're we going to do? Why is he chasing us? How will we escape? Where does this path lead? When will our bedtime be?
  • Then there's this:
    Calvin: Yesterday, you made a remark on the feasible membership of Susie Derkins. She is the rival of our club. Plus, she's a girl!
  • Also this:
    Hobbes: Of course, when I say 'big galoot', it means that you're handsome, intelligent, and, uh, both of your legs are the same length.
  • Another example:
    Retro: The thing is that I will be the winner here. I will rule the world. I have the advantage. I have the Cool Car!
    Tracer: He's got a point.
  • From Calvin and Hobbes Get XTREME!:
    Hobbes: We're raving from cold and starvation and lack of comic books.
  • One gag in Calvin and Hobbes III: Double Trouble has the aliens smashing several of Calvin's mom's antiques, causing her to cry out every time. It ends with them destroying a clock worth about 50 bucks (compared to the fine china that was destroyed before). She reacts in exactly the same way.
  • In Retro Chill, Calvin says that second grade involves "mustard gas, whips, swinging pendulums and long division."
  • From Calvin & Hobbes: The Series:
    Lenny: Uh, bad news, boss! It would appear that Dave blew up the navigation console, and Biff knocked off the steering wheel. And Jeff just broke a window!
  • And from another episode:
    Andy: Where do you suppose that (a door) leads to?
    Sherman: I dunno. Dungeon, torture room, bloodthirsty zombie, the mansion's balcony.
  • Another instance:
    Mother Brainstorm: YOU'LL MOW THE LAWN! YOU'LL DO THE GROCERY SHOPPING! YOU'LL SCRUB THE FLOORS! YOU'LL CLIP MY THICK YELLOW TOENAILS! YOU'LL BE WATCHING DAYTIME TALK SHOWS WITH ME!
  • And again:
    Sherman: (translating hieroglyphics) Let me see here, curse... curse... another curse... insurance guarantee... ah, here we go.
  • And in the very first episode^note it's a Script Fic, Hobbes lists his Overly Long Name as "The Ultimate and Most Powerful Predator on the Planet Earth, with Razor Sharp Teeth, Deadly Claws, and Urge to Kill Stuff, and Also Has Opposable Thumbs, and is Able to Stand Up On Two Legs".
  • Then there's "Thunderstorm", which has this:
    Thunderstorm: Success! Now we have absolute threat! Excellent! The place can actually do some evil-like damage now! Every glitch is finally repaired! The gamma-rays are fully-loaded, the laser-cannons are set, the navicomp is functional, and the cappuccino machine has bendy straws! I'M IN THE GROOVE AGAIN!
  • And the three listed objects that "seemed remotely suspicious" are knives, razors, and English IV textbooks.
  • From "Camping Trip Part 2":
    Mom: CALVIN, BE CAREFUL!
    Hobbes: YOU CAN DO IT!
    Dad: DON'T LOSE THE FISHING ROD!
  • During a flashback in "The Transmitter Conspiracy Part 1", we have Andy introducing himself to Socrates:
    "I enjoy video games, basket ball, and putting up with [my] pet talking hamster."
    It was an interesting introduction.

Crossover

• From The Joker's Wild, a Teen Titans crossover with Batman in which the Joker features prominently (mind you, he sent Harley out to get torture implements): "Did you get everything? The drills? The nails? The acid? The matches? The custard?" This doubles as Noodle Implements.
• In a Naruto/Negima! Magister Negi Magi crossover fanfic, Broken Faith by Kur0Kishi has this as well in a side mission unrelated to the main plot.
  "Sorry, calling it a missive is an understatement. He sent a clone that somehow traveled 500 miles from here to our Main Headquarters in under 3 hours over land and water, bypassed all official channels and communication protocols, slipped through our ward scheme like it wasn't there and evaded 130 individuals affiliated with our Association, including our entire Security Force. I found him drinking a bottle of 1978 Montrachet wine while chatting with my wife about the finer points of miso ramen in my own private quarters."
• In Gensokyo's Heart, the Author's Note for the second Intermission asks us three important questions.
  "How does Yukari know about the Xel'Naga? What could she be planning? Why is she so obsessed with the idea of Chen being her and Ran's daughter?
• The Last Seidr: Harry's thoughts on why he's felt so tired lately:
  While you couldn’t actually see the circles under his eyes, Harry still felt the weight of the last few days. That and all that had happened before here. Hermione petrified, along with Colin Creevey and the other muggleborns (and Mrs Norris and Nearly-Headless Nick), Ron and his brothers dealing with their sister taken into the depths of Slytherin’s Chambers, Lockhart proving himself a phony stealing people’s memories, Tom Riddle and the basilisk, the Hat and the sword, Fawkes... Oh, and exams to revise for amidst everything else.
• In Mass Effect: Human Revolution, Wrex's listed crimes include "Two hundred and sixty-seven counts of driving under the influence, three hundred and seventy-five counts of vandalism and assault, and one count littering." However, that littering charge is due to ripping off another Krogan's testicles and tossing them into a public lake.
• My(stara's) Little Ponies: Friendship Is Adventuring: The list of crimes Marcus (or rather, his alternate identity Eric of Vestland) is charged with in chapter 3:
  "He is wanted for the theft of the Water Elves' Pearl, an affair with a Minrothadi ambassador, wearing an Augrist high priest's hat when unqualified to do so, stealing the harem of a Thyatian Ambassador, mocking the Thyatian Emperor, wearing the Sacred Hat of Valerias inappropriately, misleading youth, mocking the gods, failing to pay for 8 sandwiches, and 3 moving violations. Among other crimes."
• In National Security, America is mildly miffed at whoever decided he should go into hiding after he ends up with Neal Caffrey on the grounds he could have been stuck with an actual bad guy like a murderer or a rapist or a non-taxpayer.
• The description for No Gods, Only Guns uses this:
  Ancient artifacts of immense power. Murderous synthetics. Ruthless megacorps. Unscrupulous mercenaries. Genocidal stellar god-machines. Incompetent galactic governments. Claptrap dubstep. The horrors of the galaxy are many....
• In NoHoper Light is not happy about having to attend the school for vampyres:
  Light: It wasn't 'just' anything! I've barely been here 24 hours, and already I can see what the next four years are going to consist of: Sick minds, mind-numbing conversation, and disgusting, degenerative, disorganised HELL!
• In That Which Holds The Image the Doctor tells Harry, Ron and Hermione about some of the places the Tardis has gotten him.
  "I materialised this box on the Security Deck of the Admiral Tholtrich. I landed this box on top of a Regulation Zebra prison ship, whilst it was in warp. This box got me a seat next to Brangelina at the Oscars."
• A Shadow of the Titans:
  • Gadjo at one point lists everything that angers him: zombies, his brother, those who threaten pie, and people who send him text messages.
  • When Jade is going over her gathered school supplies, they're all mostly normal (for the HIVE), but she also mentions a "needlessly creepy" paperweight resembling Tarakudo.
• Infinity Crisis;
  • In Of Kryptonians and Queens, when Cat Grant reveals she already knew Kara's true identity, she lists the follow reasons: 1. She's a world class journalist; 2. Kara's disguise is atrocious; and 3. Cat knows nuns who are better liars than Kara.
  • Invoked in Distant Cousins when Alex Danvers states that Lex Luthor is under arrest for "breaking just about every law that ever existed".
• In "When Demon Hunters Meet the Arrow", after Dean and Sam have explained their history to Oliver Queen's associates, Laurel is awed to learn that angels are real, Roy is stunned to hear that Sam started the Apocalypse and was briefly host to the Devil, Thea is incredulous that Dean has been to Hell and Purgatory, and Sin... is just shocked that Sam had sex with a demon and a werewolf.
• In Avengers: Infinite Wars, after the rescue team arrives to save Steve, Natasha and Peter from the Separatist research facility on Naboo, Steve and Natasha observe that they need to find Rumlow’s team as he has Doctor Vindi and a cure for the Blue Shadow Virus, and Peter Parker adds that Rumlow also took Cap’s shield.
• The Magic of Torchwood;
  • Jack's Torchwood contract includes the phrases "high-risk situation", "dangerous artifact", "hostile forces" and "terrible flirt."
  • Of wizarding Britain’s four living sex offenders, Sirius just went streaking at a Quidditch match and Aberforth charmed goats to talk and says it was consensual, while Greyback and Dolohov are acknowledged as monsters for reasons beyond their sexual offences.
• In The Search for Victory, as the Avengers and Stargate Command prepare for the final battle with the Ori in New York, JARVIS informs Tony of the various scientists who are preparing to defend Stark Tower and the methods they’re using to do so, concluding with the detail that DUM-E has a fire extinguisher. Tony notes that's the detail that really concerns him as he worries that DUM-E might injure someone on their side rather than the enemy.
• Monsters In Paradise: While Koishi Komeiji is briefly hospitalized in Hearthome City with her mind-reading powers reawakened, she picks up an analysis-in-progress from the nurse assigned to look after her. Amongst other things: the nurse's questions being answered before they were asked, the difficulties she had dealing with Koishi's external veins... and her pupils and irises being the same colour.
• I Against I, Me Against You: Rarity, after delivering a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown to CT, tries to explain herself to the others.
  Rarity: He killed Captain Eberle, he killed everyone in the desert, he threatened to kill me, and worse, he called me old!!!
• Fortresshy: The Nine Fathers: At one point, the following threat is made, via letter:
  Saxon Hale: Disobey me in this, and I will hunt you down, break every bone in your body, feed you to the reanimated corpse of my pet yeti, and kill you until you stay dead. And then you'll be fired.
• In The Story to End All Stories, when listing potential suspects, Penny Pringle mentions such well-known villains as Lex Luthor and Freddy Krueger along with Clifford Daniels, the sadistic 10-year-old from Clifford.
• The Metroid/Kamen Rider crossover fic Metroid: Kamen Rider Generations emphasizes this on Mitsuzane Kureshima's backstories. Considering that he is known for being the manipulative, lying, self-absorbed, cowering scumbag. The last thing he can do after killing Kouta and let Mai die but not only crying like a hysterical child, he also begins binge drinking to forget them, and doesn't mind falling off the wagon.
• Universe Falls: At the start of "Dipper and Lapis", the main characters are enjoying some downtime, and express gratitude that they don't have to deal with things like "crazy golf ball people", "brain-eating zombies", "jerky shape-shifters", "rampaging Gem robots", or "awkward dinner parties".
• To quote Jamie in Fantasy of Utter Ridiculousness:
  "So, who else are we going to meet today? Living phantoms? Talking cats? Tofu enthusiasts?"
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Star Wars crossover fic Jedi Harris has a scene in Xander's physics class where Jonathan Levinson is supposed to be making a circuit board and failing miserably. Xander reflects that if it's ever turned on, "it would either melt, spontaneously combust or pick up Radio Moscow".
• During The Emiya Clan Christmas Special, this is invoked when Keiko gets her hands on the God/Burning Gundam.
  Keiko: I AM AWESOME! I AM ALMIGHTY! I AM OMNIPOTENT! I AM GOING TO DESTROY CANADA!
• In Sapphire Eleanor Rose Suzette de Mont vs. Canon, the Long List of charges Charlie has racked up include throwing someone's computer out the window, impersonation, having a threesome with fictional characters, getting kicked out of Rio (twice), and pirating music.
• Beyond the Veil Volume One: Arrival:
  In his day, Harry Potter had fought many fearsome creatures and won many deadly battles. In his fifteen, nearly sixteen, years of life, he had been through a great number of tough trials. He had fought dragons, giant snakes, soul sucking monsters, deadly wizards, and had to sleep in the same room with Ron Weasley's snoring.
• Deadpool Announces Hit the Mark shows Deadpool on Lian Yu as Oliver's trainer. It then cuts to a second Deadpool wearing heavy body padding and a pink wig ("Tumblrpool") typing at a computer. In a clear jab at the crazier members of the Arrow fandom...
  Tumblrpool: Oh...did you see how Wade and Oliver looked at each other? It was pure magic! They are truly made for each other, I don't care what you say. And if you say differently, you are a misogynistic, homophobic, islamophobic, Nazi...meanie!
  Tumblrpool: (slams keyboard, turns and faces narrator) HOW DARE YOU ASSUME MY GENDER? You triggered me! You awful, vile, disgusting, bottom-feeding, nasty, stinky, wart-infested...straight white male!
• In The Pirate's Soldier, when Mihoshi arrives on Earth, she makes a list of the multiple charges the Galaxy Police has against Ryoko: piracy, robbery, fraud, smuggling, destruction of government property, defacement of cultural artifacts and icons, highjacking, theft of police and military property... and indecent exposure. Heero and Ayeka take notice on the last one. Ryoko amusedly and shamelessly admits her body comes in handy to distract people.
• During Peter Wisdom's tirade against Fudge in Child of the Storm,he expresses a desire to see Fudge up on charges for "treason, criminal negligence, and being a fucking idiot."
• Boldores And Boomsticks: When Faba is speculating on Salem's goals, he lists world domination, revenge, and stealing all the cheese on the world as possibilities.
• Thousand Shinji: When Shinji was about to fight Zeruel, he had this to say: "Motherfucker, you've invaded my city, beaten the fuck out of two of three of the girls I cherish most in this world, and now you're making me play the Big Damn Hero with this last minute entrance. I hate playing the Big Damn Hero."
• Shadows over Meridian: When the Shadowkhan start making themselves at home in the palace Jade created, she sees the Samurai Khan acting as patrolling guards, the Bat Khan nesting in towers, the Sumo Khan working as gatekeepers, the Ninja Khan trailing her as personal servants/bodyguards... and some of the Leech Khan splashing in the royal garden's pond.
• Family Bonding And Other Perilous Pursuits: While running for Mayor, the Box Ghost says "all teachers will get a massive raises and six weeks of paid vacation time! And commemorate little boxes!".
• Prodigy:
  Drake: Conrad Evans, you are under arrest for the kidnapping of a minor, resisting arrest, assaulting a police officer, the kidnapping of a Federal Agent, the hit and run of a Federal Agent, reckless driving, child endangerment, conspiracy to commit rape, attempted murder of a Federal Agent, conspiracy to commit murder, and denting my Mustang.
• Voltes V Versus Voltron The Godaikin Wars: The description of Paul the Imjad's room.
  The Imjad's meditation chamber was darkly lit.
  He sits, thinking of another way to make the Godaikins battle each other.
  It's just a matter of time before he could commence his plans of conquering and enslaving the universe.
  There's soft, yet unruly music circling around the chamber's atmosphere.
  Music coming from a 1980 defunct band called "Tears for Fears".
• Oni Ga Shiku Series: Majima teaches Izuku how to spot Hidden Weapons via Enemy Scan. Izuku's findings, in this order, are a gun, a knife, nunchucks, and a banana.
  Majima: Nishida, what the hell?
  Nishida: It's what you gave me, boss!

The DCU

• In Slut-Raven (a NSFW Teen Titans story on AdultFanFiction.org), Raven's rant against her alternate self ends with this:
  Raven: She's ruining my reputation, destroying the team dynamic, provoking emotions and thoughts that shouldn't exist, and, worst of all, she likes to take it UP THE BUTT.
• In Shazam! fanfiction Here There Be Monsters, Thaddeus Sivana, Jr. has been aching for killing Captain Marvel, Jr. for years, and he is not happy to learn his father will let others make the attempt first.
  Hashimoto: "The work of your father progresses. The one called Ibac successfully placed the transmission dish within effective range of the sun. The disks have been tested and seem efficient."
  Thaddeus Sivana: "Neat. Maybe then Pops'll let me hook onto one of those things and tear into Little Blue, like I've always wanted to."
  Mashita: "Unfortunately, your father is reluctant to let you or your daughter partake of their power yet. He wishes to test their use through some of the others first."
  Thaddeus Sivana: "Why, that old—! He can't do this to me! I'll burn up his long underwear! I'll put acid in his Burma Shave! I'll—I'll tear up his old Captain Marvel scrapbooks! Better yet, I won't let him look at my pictures of Irish McCalla anymore!"
• In Adventures of a Super Family, Superwoman notes that after going public people have been trying to defeat her with "big high-tech guns or atomic-powered exo-suits, mutant abilities and sheer misogyny."

Death Note

• Death Note:
  • In Office Politics Raito's revenge for L breaking up with him involves threatening his coworkers, killing more people, and changing L's screensaver to an ad for erectile dysfunction medication.
  • In So Wrong, It's Right:
  Light: I, Light Yagami am Kira. I'm a killer, a murderer, maybe even a bad person.

D.Gray-Man

• In the D.Gray-Man fic 69 Ways To Torture Idiot Apprentice, Cross is so thrilled that the author decided to write an M-rated story that he makes a list of things he'll do to use it to his utmost advantage. It reads: Drink like no tomorrow, gamble everything away, including Allen, smoke EVERYTHING possible, even pot if nothing else is around, get bitches, lay bitches, do expensive shit that Allen will pay for, kill all of his loved ones so he focuses only on me, and snore when I sleep."

Digimon

• In one Digimon fanfic featuring Yuehon, the Digidestined of China, this exchange occurs between her and the only remaining Digidestined of North Korea.
  Yuehon: You mass murdering, constantly lying, twisted and unrepentant Pepsi-drinking lunatic! Who the hell do you think you are?!
  Ko Hyo: It's not who I am. It's who I work for. And I prefer Coke.

Discworld

• In the Discworld fic The Importance of Being Mostly Human, Willikins lists some of the father-son activities shared by Sam Vimes and Young Sam as including "fishing for eldritch horrors in the Ankh, upturning country legal systems, [and] tiddly-winks".

Doctor Who

• The Bugger Anthology: The subtitles in "The Bitch Fight of Canary Wharf" refer to Mickey Smith as "the man, the myth, the legend, the idiot".
• In Never Quite Done, a Doctor Who college AU, the college-aged version of the Brigadier has had a rough week with his dorm floormates: three students had set off the fire alarm, two nerf gun wars had broken out in the corridors, he'd had to call in a hazardous waste removal team... and he'd been rated the sexiest first-year floor proctor.

The Dresden Files

• A Series of Incredibly Fortunate Events combines the trope with a brutal Take That!:
  But so far, it seemed to be one of those long, slow, crippling, unshakeable conditions that just got worse and worse, like Parkinson's, or MS, or Anne McCaffrey novels.

Fairly Oddparents

• In Never Had a Friend Like Me, Norm still hates Canada and occasionally magically torments the entire country. During one of Norm's attacks against Canada, he caused the place to be struck by earthquakes, volcanoes, floods, plagues of locusts, lightning, fires, glaciers, tornadoes, rampaging moose, and... he made the hockey players unable to skate in a straight line without falling.
  • When listing some of the less moral people he's had as masters, Norm mentions dealing with "thieves, warriors, spies, murderers, psychopaths, and politicians."

Fate/Grand Order

• Meluine's Bad Day
  • After Melusine goes on a rampage, Goredolf alerts the code red on Chaldea's broadcast, sidewaying into a rant about how the Servant's antics are driving crazy, and yelling at Meunière for putting three cherries instead of two.
  • In the first few minutes of her rampage, Melusine easily defeats the dragon-slayers Siegfried and Sigurd. When it comes to Lancelot (who proves strong enough to tank her attack) she manages to beat him by saying that his "daughter" Mash doesn't love him.
  • The news broadcast also gets into this when talking about Melusine's rampage.
  News: Who is she? What is she? What are her ideologies? What violent games does she play so that we can blame on that instead? More at 7.

Final Fantasy VII

• Final Fantasy VII: Another Side: When Cissnei confronts fellow ex-Turk Shion and lists the myriad of crimes she's now been implicated in from assassinating the Shinra president to dropping the Sector 7 plate (which Deepground did but AVALANCHE took the fall for), she asks if she left any out. Shion reminds her of three counts of grand theft auto, which compared to the rest is really rather minor.
• In Strife Delivery and Child Protective Services, Genesis' multiple crimes are described as "violent outbursts and vengefulness, as well as treason, coercion, unlawful organization of militia, arson, destruction of property, murder, and overdramatics."

Firefly

• Forward: River catalogues her injuries after a prolonged pursuit, crash, walk across the desert, and gunfight.
  Catalogue of injuries: hairline fracture in shin. Multiple fractured or broken ribs. Lacerations, bruising of back, vertebrae, possibly wrenched shoulder and back muscles. Bullet lodged in gut, precise location unknown. Head trauma, ninety-plus percent probability of concussion (postulate round ricocheting off boulder and bouncing off skull, or maybe shrapnel knocked loose by same) Bruised jaw. Sunburns.

Glee

• Niceties in a Crisis: Kurt is telling Will off for treating him unfairly. While speculating about why Will doesn't like him, he says: "I don't know if it's some kind of latent homophobia, or that you don't really know what to do with me, or if you just don't want someone in the club whose hair is better than yours."

Good Omens

• The Sacred and the Profane: "...Caphriel had a bizarre tendency to get upset over the slightest things, like murder and rape and duck torture." Mostly used to show that, no, Zirah really doesn't see much difference in the levels of those crimes; why do you ask?

Gravity Falls

• You're Like, the Magic Twins or Something: Come up to Mabel and Dipper's annoyance. Demon magic and floating jewelry, fine, the Pines parents can take that... But no way are their kids getting tattoos, they’re teenagers for goodness sake!

Harry Potter

• In the Cursed Child parody script Obligatory Harry Potter And The Cursed Child Parody, Harry gives Albus a list of the majority of the dangerous people, things, and incidents he and/or his friends went through while at Hogwarts, including but not limited to Voldemort, possession, werewolves, hexes, and date rape drugs. The final item on the list? Madame Puddifoot's tea house.
• Harry Potter and the Ritual of Love's Memory: The Twins help Harry train for the third Triwizard task by pelting him with quaffles so he can practise stopping them with the Impediment Jinx.
  Fred: It's time to see if you're as good under pressure as people keep saying you are. Sure, you may have beaten a dragon, escaped a werewolf, and killed a basilisk, but you've never had to face off against the Gryffindor quidditch team.
• The fanfic One Wizard Too Many has a warning about the following: "Mayhem, destruction, and HHR^note Abbreviation for Harry/Hermione pairing."
• A sort of 'reverse example' with Hermione's Badass Boast in The Parselmouth of Gryffindor:
  Hermione: "I am Hermione Jean Granger. Some of my dearest friends are a millennium-old Basilisk and the Vanquisher of Voldemort. I got O-s on every single exam I took last year."
• A certain very much NSFW fan fic story has the following disclaimer:
  The fanfiction listed herein could contain any of the following: angst, bitextual, blasphemy, bondage, brother-fucking, crack, cross-dressing, cross-gen, dead bodies, dirty talk, drinking, dubious consent, drug use, felching, female/female, felching, frottage, foul language, gen, gratuitious house-elf nudity, grudge-fucking, hatesex, het, incest, male/male, mindfucking, more angst, porn, rimming, sex, smoking, slash, smut, Stan Shunpike, substance abuse, threesomes (or moresomes), underage characters, unhealthy relationships, violation of inanimate objects, violence, voyeurism, wanking, and the occasional typographical error.
• The blurb for Harry Potter and Lord of Zenth Mage:
  Harry is Son of Power, High Lord of Zenth Mage, Heir of ShaoLinWudanParaohRomeMongolian Emperor, and Super Warrior. He plays Voldemort, Dumbledore, fool ministry as his pawns. He will have relationships with girls.
• In Confessions Draco tells Harry that he would have preferred to be in love with someone "smarter, with less of a hero syndrome and better hair."
• In Dumbledore's Army and the Year of Darkness, Ginny rattles off a list of equipment she's managed to smuggle into the castle, finishing with "and some Pygmy Puff treats for Arnold".
• This moment from Lord of Caer Azkaban:
  Auror: Minister Fudge, you are under arrest for Abuse of Power, Corruption, Perjury, Enlisting Others to Make False Statements, Fraud, and Jaywalking.
• In Meet the Godparents, Harry is nervous about meeting Ron's Aunt Muriel and tries to joke about it.
  Harry: I've outflown a dragon, I've faced down hordes of Death Eaters, and I've snatched the last dessert away from Ron.
• Sweet Protector:
  Harry: This is not good. But hey, I survived Voldemort, the Dursleys, and Snape's potion classes!
• In Vengeance from the Grave Harry confronts Dumbledore who, in addition to stunning Harry in the back (allowing him to be captured and tortured by Voldemort and his minions) has been stealing from his account to fund the Order of the Phoenix.
  Harry: You will be charged with treason for having attacked an officer of the ministry, thereby leaving him at the mercy of the very terrorist he was defending the public, including your own ungrateful arse, against. Add to that fraud, grand theft and if I have my way; offensive facial hair!
• In Royal Chances alternate-dimension Voldemort threatens to torture Umbridge for the scar on Harry's hand.
  Harry: No Tom, you can't kill anyone. Nor can you chop them up into little pieces or water torture them or make them watch any cute children's movies that are really cute.
• In Harry Potter the Undead Slayer Harry, having been pulled from his foster family by the Goblet of Fire, threatens to begin "enhanced interrogations" if he doesn't get some answers pretty soon. Cedric unwisely asks what he means by that.
  Harry: Thumbscrews, bamboo splinters, the rack, waterboarding, Justin Bieber music...though the last is banned in three galaxies.
• An Ancient Method of Torturing Males:
  Hot needles under the fingernails, boiling oil being poured on unprotected flesh, literal salt rubbed into wounds, prolonged exposure to whiny teeny-bopper pop music; these were all things that he'd rather be going through at the moment than the torture he was now experiencing.
• Storm of Yesterday:
  Emmeline: Sirius Black is a cad of terrible quality. He's foul-mouthed, inappropriate, completely offensive in any situation and he has a tiny prick!
• In Jedi Potter Dolores Umbridge is arrested for several offenses.
  She was also found guilty of possession of eleven dark arts artifacts; a Mayan sacrifice blade...well used; the heart of a human child; a cursed mask designed to induce nightmares of the lethal kind into the wearer; a phial of basilisk venom; six blood quills; and a pair of really tight, high-heeled shoes that had no purpose other than to torture the person wearing them.
• In Take no Umbridge II: Taking Defense Dumbledore evaluates the charges against Umbridge.
  Dumbledore: I believe that brings it to two hundred seventy-six charges for her trial thus far. And can someone please tell me who added and what is jaywalking?
• In Hunt McGonagall explains the differences between the idealized Boy-Who-Lived and the real Harry Potter to Ginny.
  McGonagall: He has a hot temper, he likes to keep peace, even if he should speak out, he bottles all his problems up and his handwriting resembles chicken scratch.
• Embracing Destiny:
  And many students were sick of how the standards had been lowered, how discrimination had alienated the houses from each other and especially the girls disliked how the uniforms made them look fat.
• Harry Potter and the Quantum Leap:
  Susan: Well, this raises the legend of the 'Boy-Who-Lived'... Not only does he defeat a mountain troll barehanded, now he slays basilisks. What's next?
  Harry: Werewolf? Giant? Vampire? Acromantulas? Inland Revenue inspector?
• Their Phoenix:
  Severus had survived torture, abuse, years of distrust and hatred, the loss of the woman he loved, the death of his best friend and mentor at his own hand, and Longbottom melting his cauldrons. Nothing was left to scar or surprise or shock him.
• The Rigel Black Chronicles sees Harry and her cousin Archie steal Polyjuice potion that's illegal for them to even possess, commit "blood identity theft" punishable with life in Azkaban, and lie to all their friends and family (except each other) for years on end — but Archie is horrified by the mere suggestion that they might misuse their magic to learn where their Christmas presents are hidden.
• Wind Shear:
  Just shy of [Harry's] 21st birthday they'd gone into a particularly hairy situation with a dark wizard messing around with time magics, blood sacrifices, reality warping and platypi.
• Like Silken Thread It Holds Us Fast:
  Proximity and casual contact. That was what he needed to try and engineer, without Draco realizing it. By the time he reached the cubicle that he and Malfoy shared, Harry had convinced himself that this would be possible. He'd found and destroyed Horcruxes, faced a Dark Lord half a dozen times, and somehow managed to break up with Ginny Weasley without her brothers wanting to kill him. He could do this.
• In A Scene I would Like to See Dumbledore is on trial for multiple charges. The first seven range from allowing the basilisk to roam free to killing Minister Fudge. The eighth is spitting on the floor of his cell.
• The Adoption of Ginny:
  Shacklebolt: Mundungus Fletcher. Common petty criminal used by Dumbledore for dirty deeds. Nothing much in his jacket except theft, petty theft, public drunkeness, public indecency with a lamppost, fencing stolen goods, receipt of stolen goods and jaywalking.

Haruhi Suzumiya

• In Kyon: Big Damn Hero, Kyon mentions casually to Sasaki that he has to meet several past instances of people, fight 12 thugs at once, arrange to deliver an alien artifact and study for a math test. It scares the crap out of adult Mikuru, but Sasaki doesn't take it seriously.
• During You Got HaruhiRolled!'s court case arc, Haruhi is on trial. When listing her charges, the prosecutor plays with this trope: Haruhi is accused of thievery (the most serious on the list, but mentioned first), being stupid and an asshole, as well as pushing a random passerby. This last one is treated as severe as the others, because Haruhi is unfortunate enough to be in a Kangaroo Court.

Hetalia: Axis Powers

• This Hetalia: Axis Powers Kink Meme fill shows the nations' meeting expenses; they spent thousands and thousands of dollars on everything from strippers to long-distance phone calls to tweezers, and then one dollar and fifty cents on gum.

Homestuck

• Hivefled: The warnings page lists death, rape, incest, torture, body horror, cannibalism, necrophilia, and "dubious use of buckets". It Makes Sense in Context, though; said "dubious use" involves Bizarre Alien Biology and forced incestuous reproduction.
• Shows up a lot in Moirallegiance Is Science:
  • Starting with the author's listed warnings of swearing, (mention of) buckets, no homo, and Breaking the Fourth Wall.
    • Later on, we get a list of things that Vriska finds personally annoying about Tavros:
  Vriska: He's whiny, wimpy, helpless, stupid, and a shitty rapper!

Horizon Zero Dawn

• In Frostbitten, Emma mentions that she stored course syllabi, student work, and homemade pornography on her old office computer.

Inuyasha

• Last One Standing: Kagome is forced onto an Immoral Reality Show.
  Of course, no-one wants to watch innocent people get murdered, so they choose criminals, vagrants, delinquents, and apparently schoolgirls with too many absences.

Invader Zim

• Invader Zim: A Bad Thing Never Ends:
  • Professor Membrane's home security system includes rooftop missiles, rubber bullet guns, a remote control mech, flamethrowers, grenade turrets, and a perfectly normal honey badger.
  • In Chapter 11, the charges filed against Zim by Aldrich's lawyers include breaking and entering, theft, patent infringement, property damage, and "general hooliganry".
• In Witch Hunt, when Dib visits Gaz in the town jail, it is said to be a foul place filled with "pickpockets, murderers, insane people, blasphemers, loiterers and God knew who else."

Jackie Chan Adventures

• Shadows Awakening: When Jade is listing reasons she shouldn't trust the Queen, she mentions how the Queen tried to ally herself with Shendu, kill Jackie, how the Queen antagonized everyone, and finally, the Queen's sense of fashion (or lack thereof).
• Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey: During the Courtroom Episode, Eris lists humanity's various crimes, including war, destruction of the environment... and commercial air travel. The heroes are left dumbfounded by that last bit, especially as Eris treats it as the worst of the lot.

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

• During the Justice mini-arc in Vaguely Recalling JoJo, Enya threatens to break Jotaro's spine, tear apart his flesh, and slash off all of his hair.
• In CPS, Mista's shelter papers say "unauthorized use of a firearm", "homicide risk", and "picky eater".
• In Cioccolata Fucks a Hot Pockets® Brand Ham and Cheese Hot Pocket, Cioccolata's freezer contains leftover intestines, human hearts, brains, eyeballs, and some ham and cheese Hot Pockets.

Kingdom Hearts

• Those Lacking Spines: "Organization XIII was not a nice group of sort-of-kind-of-former people. They toyed with minds, they twisted relationships, they used lives as tools, they manipulated innocents, they spread chaos, they captured hearts, they lengthened the lines at the DMV and they commanded Heartless."

The Legend of Zelda

• The epilogue of "The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker" has a brief scene where the author goes over the pirates that have scars, since Link has a permanent one from his final battle against Ganondorf and he's looking for a way to justify it. The list gets more crazy as it goes along. Tetra got hers from a duel with a rival pirate gang, Gonzo fell off one of Niko's badly designed assault courses, Nudge fell over in the shower (which appears to be his favourite place) and accidentally turned the temperature all the way up in the process. Niko... fell off the top bunk.

The Lord of the Rings

• In The Official Fanfiction University Of Middle-earth: The main character is terrified because: "Sauron was going to roast her for breakfast. He would make her grow long pointy nails. He would flunk her."

Marvel Cinematic Universe

• The Very Awkward Ringtone: Loki's list of shitty things that has happened that day includes Thor being banished, Odin going comatose, finding out he was adopted and being unable to get his old ringtone back.

Mega Man (Classic)

• Mega Man Recut: Proto Man’s list of crimes in the first chapter ends with "defacement of a public statue". Sadly, this was not foreshadowing for Mega-Pinocchio's Abraham Lincoln incident.

Miraculous Ladybug

• In Sounds Cheesy, Lila tries to give Adrien some Casu Marzu, a type of cheese that is banned by the European Food Safety Authority for containing live insect larvae. When Gabriel finds out, he is pissed that Lila attempted to give his son food that was: illegal, life-threatening. and fattening.
• In Spellbound (Lilafly), Marinette's mother scolds Adrien and Félix for sneaking out of their bathroom window to come and visit - not because they're defying their father, but because it's a long way down.
  Sabine: The window? It’s almost freezing at night and your room is on the first floor! You’ll break your necks one of these days! Next time, you sneak out of the front door or at least a ground floor window like normal people!

My Hero Academia

• In Coyote, after all of Class 1A leaves in disgust over Aizawa threatening to expel the lowest scorer on the Quirk Apprehension Test, for reasons ranging from outrage over how Izuku was treated to an inability to trust Aizawa not to expel them on a whim, Aizawa gets called on the carpet in front of his fellow teachers and the principal. The principal then unleashes a lengthy "The Reason You Suck" Speech on Aizawa, calling him out for ruining the lives of the students he expelled, losing his students' trust by playing "logical ruses" on them, setting his standards high to make himself look better as a teacher, and... having poor grooming and sleeping in class.

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

• Whisper: Trixie apologizes to Twilight Sparkle and her friends for all the things she did in the story and in the episode "Boast Busters", including that she's sorry "for thinking that you were an evil sorceress and wanting you to be tarred and feathered or turned to stone or crushed by a garbage wagon or kicked in the shins."
• Getting Back on Your Hooves has a similar example when Trixie brings up her List of Transgressions from "Boast Busters" (first wondering why Rarity fixed her mane rather than take revenge and second apologizing to Rainbow, both times ending with the fact she bragged about it.
  Trixie: I called your mane a rat's nest, goaded you into a rigged contest, turned your hair into a disgusting green mess, humiliated you in front of the entire town, and then bragged about doing it! And before that I publicly humiliated two of your best friends!
  Spike: Which you also bragged about.
  Trixie: Exactly!
• In A Kingdom Divided, Scootaloo lists dangerous creatures Twist can meet in the forest, including bears, wild boars and drunk lumberjacks.
• In Telling Tales, Rarity complains about hearing grisly tales of "exploding dragons, eyes gouged out, [and] abominable table manners".
• Parodied in this picture, which points out that amongst enslaving kingdoms and cursing ponies, King Sombra also swipes their clothes.
• Used in narration in The Vinyl and Octavia Series, when Octavia first goes to Vinyl Scratch's apartment.
  Octavia hesitated as she looked around the cramped apartment. Piles of unwashed clothes lay everywhere, which was odd as Vinyl had never worn clothes in the short time Octavia knew her. The sink was filled with messy dishes, which Octavia suspected were several days, if not weeks, old. The walls were cracked, the ceiling was leaking in a few rooms, and the carpet didn’t match the drapes.
• The Alternate Adventures of the Power Ponies: In the Mane-Raising Joke arc, The Mane-iac tries to break into Twilight's apartment, ponynaps Rarity, breaks into a glue factory... and then robs a Chineighse.
• In the comic Sweet Dreams, Princess Luna gives several characters nightmares to show them the eventual results of their bad choices. Apple Bloom is told she'll become a sanitation worker if she doesn't study, Diamond Tiara is told she'll get cancer if she doesn't stop being a bully, Sweetie Belle is told that Rarity will hang herself if the ruined stitch on her headdress isn't fixed, and Princess Celestia is told she'll get really fat if she eats too much cake.
  Luna: (seeing Celestia huddled in bed with a traumatized expression and a blanket wrapped around her) OH, COME ON! Your one wasn't that bad!
• In Anarchive Reigns:
  However, today we discovered a very interesting book titled 1001 Common Social Mishaps and How To Avoid Them.
  To our surprise, Asking About Her Age was listed in that book as Social Mishap Number Twenty, right above Accidentally Desecrating Her Parents’ Corpses and below Refusing to Stop Headbutting Her.

Nancy Drew

• In Icicle Creek Lodge on Yelp, Lou Talbot gives the lodge one star because he was arrested for digging up dinosaur bones there... and because the cook put paprika in his food.

Naruto

• A Growing Affection has the Nine-Tails telling Naruto her favorite past-times are murder, NTR, and cheating at cards and dice.
• When Naruto is introducing and mentioning things about himself after time traveling in Time Mix Up, he says he dislikes "traitorous, revenge obsessed bastards who decide to destroy an entire village because of the actions of a couple of its citizens, and the three minute wait for my instant ramen to be ready."
• In Kitsune no Ken: Fist of the Fox, Hidan's recent list of crimes include attempted murder, obsessively stalking his ex-girlfriend, and damaging a copy of Icha Icha Paradise.
• In Son of the Sannin, when Naruto meets the spirits of his parents during his jinchuriki training, Kushina proceeds to list the reasons why she's so proud of him: rising up to the rank of jonin at age 16, taming Kurama, and the most important of all, getting himself a cute girlfriend (Hinata).

Neon Genesis Evangelion

• A Crown of Stars: In part 8, several Avalon City cops arrest one of the Princesses of The Empire and her friends for "'borrowing' the lander, leaving the Empire underage without permission, and ditching school".
• Rise of the Minisukas: Ritsuko resents the Minisukas because "She was sure they altered the MAGI somehow, she was sure they were watching her when she wasn't looking, and she was sure they were feeding her cat when she wasn't home."

One Piece

• In Ripples, Waves, Tsunamis, a One Piece fic, we have this:
  Luffy: Of course I'm serious! This bastard broke on to our ship, our home, hurt Nami, almost drowned Chopper…and most importantly…HE STOLE ALL MY MEAT!
• Multiple examples from the Self-Insert Fic This Bites!:
  • In the Christmas Episode, Wiper binds and gags Aisa and uses her as the replacement for their broken Christmas Star. What did she do to earn this? Sneaking out to Upper Yard to gather Vearth, accepting a gift of roasted almonds from the Skypiean Conis rather than fighting to the death as a Shandoran should, and using her Mantra to figure out where they were hiding the Christmas presents. That last one is what makes Laki think the punishment is appropriate.
  • Vivi beating up Mr. 2 in Chapter 20. She slugs him in the throat for hurting Usopp, breaks his nose for attacking her country, and then gives him a Groin Attack for his outfit.
  • The list of offenses Drake levels against Cross ends with the illegal importation of South Birds, an endangered species.

Persona 5

• The Body Reflects the Heart, the Shadow Reflects the Soul: Sho Minazuki has this as part of his Humans Are Bastards rant, listing off achievements of the species such as genocide, illegal experiments, and reality TV. Subverted, though, as Word of God states that Sho was talking about the Midnight Channel.

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

• Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney Case 5: Turnabout Substitution: When talking to Rhea Wits about her computer, her hobbies on it include creating scuba-diving simulators, hacking the pentagon's computer, and chatting with friends on the internet.
  Apollo: Yeah right, like she knows how to chat on the internet!

Pokémon

• The first chapter of The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum has one of these:
  Gonzap: Very smart, Wes. You've destroyed our main snag machine, and stolen the other one. You took our zoomer. And to boot, you used those explosives we had been planning to use as well to utterly destroy our base. AND half of my moustache has burnt off, and I don't have any eyebrows anymore. You'll pay for this.
• Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: What Came After:
  • Popplio when he and his teammates confront the Klefki trio:
    Popplio: We're taking you in for illegal possession of explosives, illegal detonation of explosives, gross property damage, theft in the first degree, terrorizing citizens, and interrupting our dinner!
  • The above example is subverted when it turns out that the last thing is an actual crime that the Klefki trio will serve additional time for. Justified in that R.E.E.D. teams need to be at peak performance, and an important part of doing so is being able to eat properly and regularly.
  • Cacturne, an outlaw, is said by the narration to have "robbed banks, terrified innocents, and returned already-worn clothes for a full refund".
  • What R.E.E.D. stands for (Rescue, Exploration, Enforcement, Delivery) also counts.
• In Pokémon Reset Bloodlines, Sabrina is guilty of kidnapping, murder, and plagiarizing a move from a Pokémon Coordinator to create a Laser Blade with her Kadabra's Psycho Cut and their spoons.

Pretty Cure

• In Pretty Cure Heavy Metal, Shugo lists three things you can't say on television in one episode. Due to a censorship scandal involving South Park episode "201", the last item is "Muhammad".

Psych

• Lassiter Learns How to Bend, Shawn says: "And while Drimmer may have been a murdering psycho and a very bad dresser..."

Real-Person Fic

• In Ice Ice Baby, in the second chapter, the four gods deliberate on how to measure who the greatest among them is, with the options: "An audit", "a shoot-out", and "a bake sale".

Sherlock

• The author's warnings on Chapter 24 of Control Alt Delete are for drug references, profanity... and Greek mythology.

A Song of Ice and Fire

• Life and Honor: When Davos tells Stannis that he and Jaime aren't so different, Stannis can hardly believe it because of Jaime being "reckless, willfully disobedient, and charming.” According to Davos’s internal monologue, “He spoke the final descriptor like it was the worst of the three.”

Star Trek

• At the climax of Didn't Expect That, Eleya charges Franklin Drake with an assortment of crimes committed both in the story itself and in Star Trek Online. The full list is "illegal genetic experimentation, misuse of government resources, sending a false distress signal, criminal negligence leading to combat loss of Starfleet assets, espionage, conspiracy to commit murder… Oh, and two counts of trespassing."^note The latter from covertly beaming aboard her ship and breaking into her quarters, much as Luther Sloan did in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Stargate SG-1

• In What You Already Know - Lost City, when stressing about his appearance prior to his first date with Samantha Carter, Daniel tells himself to stop worrying about how he looks on the grounds that Sam's going on this date even after seeing him covered in dirt, exhausted, sick, injured, or even dead, and then hopes that he picked out the right tie.

Supernatural

• In It's All in the Details, when looking over Brady’s list of accusations, Agent Henriksen muses that he would expect rape and assault from a demon, but insider trading seems surprisingly tame.

Thomas & Friends

• In Tales from the Other Railway, some of the Thin Git's crimes are unpaid parking tickets, uncompensated property damage, and unapologetic name calling.
• In Trigger Happy, Thomas loses his temper with the men who have been shooting the engines of Sodor:
  Thomas: You're the one who shot my angel! YOU almost killed Bert! AND you ruined the fireworks display for the Earl!
• In Cruel to Be Kind, the Fat Controller calls Emily out for her attack on Diesel:
  Fat Controller: You attacked Diesel, incapacitated him for a few days...AND, you ruined that shed!

Total Drama

• In the Total Drama fic Total Drama Tokyo, one of the teams is lost in the woods, which are filled with Youkai.
  Vivienne: All right, this is the last straw. It's raining, we almost got killed by Onis, there's nowhere to sleep, we can't find the key anywhere, and Puck won't stop complaining about his itchy butt.

Transformers

• Bad Press: When discussing beliefs the Decepticons have in fanfiction that they don't in real life, Megatron lists off nobility, honor, compassion, mercy, and paperwork.

Vocaloid

• In VOCALOID Forever, Rin said that the crazier fans ruined their reputation by forced them to sing bad things, dance horrible things... and also wrote crappy fanfics.

Worm

• In The Last Daughter, it is mentioned on Taylor's long sheet of hero activities, which included apprehending supervillains and busting gangs, that she helped a young girl get her cat down from a tree.

Yu-Gi-Oh!

• Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series Kaiba: "You can take over my company, you can kidnap my little brother, you can even try to kill me but when you F*ck with Video Games, you've gone too far."

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