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Accidental Innuendo / Literature

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  • From Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: "and [Jim] would always call me honey, and pet me and do everything he could think of for me, and how good he always was".
  • Alfie's Home: Alfie's narration about his future home life: "I play with both my kids. We share a lot, spend time together, and touch in good ways."
  • Ax, in one of the later Animorphs books had a line that was something like this: "I am not a horse. But I do resemble one in some ways." that sent some fans in the 'hung like a horse' direction.
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  • A Wild Sheep Chase: "he was entered by a sheep", although the accidental is on part of the Sheep Professor. Murakami invoked this trope in a very obvious manner.
  • The Bartimaeus Trilogy. There's probably a few more than this honestly, if only someone had been listening.
    Nathaniel: I tried last night and you were gone. Who was it? Which magician were you seeing?
    Bartimaeus: Don’t get so worked up. It was a brief encounter. Nothing serious. It’s over.
    Nathaniel: Nothing serious? Think I’m going to believe that?
    Bartimaeus: Calm down, Mr. Jealous. You’re making a scene.
    Nathaniel: Who was it? Man or woman?
    Bartimaeus: Look, I know what you’re thinking, and I didn’t.
  • One of the Biggles books is called Biggles Takes It Rough. Biggles also once had a plane called the Willie Willie.
  • Bizarre Books: A Compendium of Classic Oddities contains a chapter full of real, published books with titles such as Scouts in Bondage, Cock Tugs, Shag the Pony, Some Account of my Intercourse with Madame Blavatsky from 1872 to 1884, Fishing for Boys, and Drummer Dick's Discharge.
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  • Wiz Creative's ''Booby'' (Children's book series about a yellow dog. In Korean).
  • Cambridge Latin Course: In spades, especially if you're learning Latin and tend to make mistakes translating it, many lines can come out having a completely different meaning to what they are meant to. Even some of the properly translated lines tend towards this.
    Domicilia est anus.
  • While it's less prevalent than it is in the movie (see above) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory still manages it at least once:
    Oh, the joy of being able to cram large pieces of something sweet and solid into one's mouth!
    • In one of Dahl's writings for Playboy, "schnozzberry" was used as a euphemism for "penis."
  • Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
    At lunch, a bunch of girls came up to Rowley and started kissing his butt.
  • One of the Doctor Who Eighth Doctor Adventures novels is called The Taint. When you no longer giggle over the fact it's a slang term for the perineum, you have graduated from fandom newbiehood.
  • In Dragon Bones, one night of sleeping at the campfire, Ward sits up, unable to sleep, and Oreg thinks he's nervous and needs someone to talk to. (The two are the only ones awake at that moment.) What he says is snigger-worthy, considering the already present Ho Yay between the two of them, and the fact that Ward is so strained because of an emotional conversation between the two:
    Oreg: You are more tense than [your stallion] in the presence of a mare.
  • The Dresden Files:
    • In Cold Days, there's an in-universe example: Molly is bandaging Harry's wounds and asks him to take his shirt off.
      Harry: Not until you buy me dinner.
    • In Skin Game, Harry says (with regard to the political trouble Lara Raith is stirring up), "Alright, I'll put her on my to-do list, then."
  • Christina Rossetti held to the last that there are no sexual allusions in her poem "Goblin Market" (pub.1862). After lots of disturbing scenes involving little girls sucking strange fruits "until her lips were sore" we get this image of Lizzie being besieged by goblins who try to feed her their addictive fruit:
    Lizzie utter’d not a word;
    Would not open lip from lip
    Lest they should cram a mouthful in:
    But laugh’d in heart to feel the drip
    Of juice that syrupp’d all her face,
    And lodg’d in dimples of her chin,
    And streak’d her neck which quaked like curd.
  • Ender's Game is chock-full of scenes with boys as young as seven going around the Battle School barracks bare-ass naked most of the time. Granted, there's nothing sexual intended here, but good luck explaining that in this era of the Pedo Hunt. Especially given that Card is so notoriously anti-gay, leading to this little joke at #8 (slightly NSFW, but entirely self-explanatory).
  • The Goosebumps books are full of these:
    • Chuck and Steve in The Haunted Mask think Carly Beth is "a great screamer" and talk about how much they "love making her scream"
    • Read Monster Blood I as an adult (or post-adolescent with an immature sense of humor) and look for the implications of puberty (the constant references to "growing" and "feeling something weird and sticky" while Evan sleeps), masturbation (one scene had Evan trapped in a bathtub of Monster Blood and the way his struggle to get out of the tub was written, it sounded like Evan was on A Date with Rosie Palms), and Unresolved Sexual Tension between Evan and Andy (who's a girl).
    • The cover alone for My Hairiest Adventure is just ripe for sarcastic, immature book bloggers to make jokes about the myth that masturbation causes hairy palms.
  • Green Eggs and Ham: "Could you, would you, with a goat?", "I would not, could not, with a goat!"
    • The animated short is popular for YouTube Poop for this very reason.
  • Horatio Hornblower: Ship of the line features the sentence "He yearned and hungered for men, more passionately than ever a miser desired gold, or a lover his mistress." Ostensibly, this is about Hornblower trying to find a crew for his ship, but with all the Ho Yay between him and Mr. Bush, one wonders.
  • How NOT to Write a Novel: "The Deafening Hug" features a scene with a brother and a sister hugging. The brother describes his sister in such unintentionally erotic terms, that the reader can only infer incestuous subtext.
  • The Hunger Games: Mockingjay had Johanna say this:
    Johanna: Peeta and I had adjoining rooms. We know each other's screams very well.
  • Inheritance Cycle. Paolini's accidental erotica is infamous.
    Murtagh: I will not expose myself to your probing!

    Narration: When they finished, Eragon flopped on his blankets and groaned. He hurt everywhere—Brom had not been gentle with his stick.
    • Special mention has to go to Orik's parents: Either Christopher Paolini doesn't know what "the pox" actually means to a medieval person, or he was implying (at a really bad time) that Orik's parents died of an STD. Historically (and certainly in the High Mediaeval era that Inheritance is allegedly set in), "the pox" meant syphilis. Yes, that Syphilis. Paolini put a reference to sexually transmitted disease in the middle of what was supposed to be a sad and moving scene. Something you aren't telling us about mum and dad, Orik?
  • Some of the dated language in Jane Eyre can bring this effect on us modern readers. One part in particular:
    The clock struck eight strokes. It aroused him; he uncrossed his legs, sat erect, turned to me.
    • Rochester at one point describes Blanche as an "extensive armful."
  • From Gods of Mars, the second John Carter of Mars book by Edgar Rice Burroughs: "...a black seaman sprang from the bowels of this strange craft. Xotar addressed the seaman."
  • Les Misérables: "I have come to sleep with you," from Marius to Courfeyrac.
  • Lord of the Flies contains quite a few of these. For example: "His grey shorts were sticking to him with sweat. Ralph glanced at them admiringly, and when Jack saw his glance he explained."
  • The Lord of the Rings:
    • This bit, when taken out of context: But there they found Faramir, still dreaming in his fever, lying upon the table. Wood was piled under it, and high all about it, and all was drenched with oil, even the garments of Faramir and the coverlets; but as yet no fire had been set to the fuel. Then Gandalf revealed the strength that lay hid in him; even as the light of his power was hidden under his grey mantle. He leaped up on to the faggots, and raising the sick man lightly he sprang down again, and bore him towards the door. But as he did so Faramir moaned and called on his father in his dream.
    • Samwise's poem, "The Stone Troll"
      "Tom’s leg is game, since home he came,
      And his bootless foot is lasting lame;
      But Troll don’t care, and he’s still there
      With the bone he boned from its owner.
      Doner! Boner!
      Troll’s old seat is still the same,
      And the bone he boned from its owner!"
  • Chapter 21 of Loser is titled "Something Hard and Thorny". Doesn't help that he's entering the house of an old lady he barely knows.
  • Entire chapters of Moby-Dick are devoted to this. (Most infamously the one about squeezing the sperm.)
  • "... but his man parts were those of a giant." That is, the human-looking parts of a centaur in Lynn Flewelling's Luck in the Shadows. Still, it's hard to get the words "hung like a horse" out of your head once you've read that sentence...
  • Near the beginning of This Night's Foul Work, by Fred Vargas, Adamsberg reminisces about one of his past experiences with Violette Retancourt, where they "had resolved their disputes through an exceptionally close contact during which the lieutenant and her commissaire had merged forever". The innuendo may not be quite unintentional, but at any rate, Adamsberg and Retancourt did not have sex; Retancourt hid Adamsberg from a whole brigade of Canadian policemen by having him climb on her back like a monkey while she wore nothing but a bathrobe... It Makes Sense in Context.
  • "The Octonauts and the Only Lonely Monster". Does that scream "naughty tentacles" or what?
  • The Colombian Spanish translation of the title of the book The Other Guy Blinked: How Pepsi Won the Cola Wars (about the Cola Wars between Coke and Pepsi) is La Guerra de las Colas (Literally as The War of the Colas). The Colombian translators possibly didn't figure it out that the word Cola has different meanings in the Spanish-speaking world (Since it's the only translation of that book in that language). In European Spanish, Cola is translated as Glue and in Mexican Spanish, Cola is a slang for Ass, among others.
  • This gem from The Phantom Tollbooth:
    Tock: Oh, I don't just watch Lethargians, I watch boys too...
  • The Redwall series:
    • The Long Patrol:
      • "Gurgan Spearback pressed his long pole against the water. It sprayed out either side of the butt [...] They stepped out of his way and he pounded the pole home into the hole with several powerful thrusts. Water squirted everywhere from the enlarged aperture, soaking them."
      • The squirrel Arven talks to the hare Pasque about the sword of Martin; "D'you see that sword? Did you know that it has the power to make pretty hare maidens happy?" Oops.
      • "I'll take 'em somewheres nice'n'quiet where I'll do that pair 'ard'n'slow afore dawnbreak."
    • Salamandastron: "'This is the way ter do it, mucker,' Dingeye breathed excitedly. 'Now lerrit go straight. It should go right across the 'all, across the passage an' right up the stairs.'"
    • "Mr Thrugg, I dreamed about you last night." "Ho ho ho, I bet you did an' all, youngun!"
    • Pearls of Lutra: A female corsair captain declares that the pirate alliance should "get wood free, whenever we needs it!", and one character sings a rather more romantic-sounding lament than probably intended to her deceased friend.
      • "The high warm sun shone down on Cluny the Scourge. Cluny was coming!"
      • The moles, thanks to their Funetik Aksent, pronounce "came" as "cummed" on occasion.
    • Outcast of Redwall: Zigu, when encouraged by his second-in-command to challenge Swartt to a duel, asks "Tell me, why should I 'take 'im', as you so crudely put it?"
    • Martin the Warrior: "Many times Felldoh had bent under Skalrag's rod..."
    • The cartoon show doesn't escape this either.
    • Stiffener Medick was bad enough (a medick, for the record, is a plant), but why did Mr Jacques think it was a good idea to name one of his characters Felch? One hopes it means something different in Juska.
  • Entreri fantasizes about shoving his magical flute down Jarlaxle's throat to shut him up in The Sellswords.
  • Sherlock Holmes apparently had some of this. The word "ejaculated" is used in some scenes to represent forceful yelling (which was one of the original meanings of the term), which leads to some... rather weird scenes when taken out of context. As Stephen Fry put it on QI:
    Stephen Fry: ...and a man who ejaculated out of a second-storey window.
    • The Adventure of the Speckled Band gives us:
      Watson/Narrator: I blinked up at him in some surprise, and perhaps just a little resentment, for I was myself regular in my habits.
      Sherlock: Very sorry to knock you up, Watson, but it's the common lot this morning. Mrs. Hudson has been knocked up, she retorted upon me, and I on you.
  • The book Silverwing includes a bit about "A squirrel, storing nuts in the crotch of a tree."
  • Star Wars Legends:
    • As one reviewer of The Glove of Darth Vader pointed out, "Mount Yoda" sounds more like an instruction from a Slash Fic than a location.
    • To some people, Timothy Zahn's frequent use of hands in names and titles seem like masturbation references. Mara Jade is the Emperor's Hand, and she wasn't the only one. Thrawn had a secret hand, which in turn was part of the Empire of the Hand. Five deserting stormtroopers became the Hand of Judgment. Then there's this bit from Star Wars: Allegiance, where Mara Jade speaks to Darth Vader. Without context it certainly doesn't sound like she's talking about commanding stormtroopers.
      Mara Jade: You have the entire Five-Oh-First. [Also known as Vader's Fist] You certainly won't begrudge me my Hand of Judgment.
    • Also: the music they play in the cantina is apparently called "jizz music." Hasbro apparently just refers to it as "jazz" nowadays.
  • In The '50s, "boob" was used as slang with a similar meaning to "idiot" or "silly person". The line "My goodness, Pam, did you ever see such a pair of boobs?" in the very first novel in the St. Clare's series was presumably innocent originally, then.
  • Twilight Series novel Eclipse, in the dedication. Among his other positive qualities, the author thanks her husband for his "willingness to eat out." One may be shocked by the level of TMI about their private relationship, before realizing Meyer means going to restaurants.
    • For a series about abstinence before marriage, the four (and half) books contains a lot of allusions to masturbation or sex. Such as in New Moon, where Bella's a bit afraid of climbing on Jacob's bike, she feels it vibrate between her legs and is amazed at how impressive it is. Not to mention all the times where her description of Edward makes us think she's quite happy down there.
    • Edward says he bit a pillow while consummating their marriage. Granted, they're both a little inexperienced, but still...
  • In Unseen Academicals Glenda points out that the proposed uniform design with "UU" on the front resembles breasts. (Especially since wizards are usually rather fat to begin with.)
  • Warriors:
    • This gem: "The old cat ran a paw over something smooth and pale—a bare branch clasped beneath his twisted claws. Jaypaw stiffened. My stick!" Considering who the old cat in question is, this becomes total Squick.
    • Everything about Jaypaw/feather's stick. Other notable examples are how "It feels important" and Jaypaw expressing a desire to not have his Clanmates staring at his stick.
    • Might be a bit of stretch, but Sunset features some Accidental Gorn with Brambleclaw driving a long, straight piece of wood into Hawkfrost, and feeling the sharpened end sinking deep into him. Then "Hawkfrost stiffened" and collapsed directly on top of Brambleclaw, and was left lying on his chest for a few seconds.
    • "...he hurled himself at the stick again, grabbing it in his jaws."
    • The authors seem to be obsessed with using the word "stiffened" or something similar to convey shock (e.g. "Graystripe went rigid", which happens right after Firestar touches him on the shoulder.).
    • In a similar vein, there are the elders and their stiff joints, often shortened to just being stiff. There are many instances of the narration, and sometimes the characters themselves, commenting on how stiff someone is.
    • The cover of Outcast. What else could they be doing in that position!?
    • "I had Ottersplash in a grip so tight she had to beg me to let her go!"
    • The scene where Sorreltail crosses the border and Hawkfrost attacks her could easily be seen as the two of them having sex if taken out of context.
      • "For a moment they writhed together on the ground..." "...grappling with Hawkfrost in a clump of reeds." "As Hawkfrost lunged down towards him..." "Their bodies heaving and twisting..." "The cats froze, then untangled themselves." It's official; almost every single fight featuring Hawkfrost can be read as a sex scene.
    • Also in Fading Echoes, when Jayfeather checks Briarpaw's backbone. It's described as "nipping" her backbone and going down towards her tailbone. Two comments on it: "Jayfeather's straight!" and "Jayfeather's raping someone!"
    • "Thank StarClan we managed to beat RiverClan off," mewed Brackenfur. "No, thank us," Cloudpaw put in."
    • "You're not as gentle as Spottedleaf," Jaykit moaned.
  • In the futuristic Mary Suetopia of Marge Piercy's novel Woman on the Edge of Time, the weapons they use are called "jizzers". So there they are, on the front lines, firing off their jizzers at approaching cyborgs.
  • Welkin Weasels is full of this stuff. The worst part is probably the food fight in Castle Storm, which is actually described as a "delightful orgy", complete with one participant having "cream dripping from his whiskers" ... It doesn't help that the sea walls are constantly referred to as "dykes".
  • Lone Wolf has at his disposal a Magi-magic spell known as Power Word, which he uses to project a concussive force by speaking the word "Gloar". But before he does so, the text describes how he opens his mouth and forms it into a distinctive O shape to prepare for the spell. Oh dear.


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