Now that I made that obligatory reference, let's get started.
Oh, Good morning, Blackjack. It seems your half stable dweller, half card game, and half bad at math. But that's okay. Stable life is totally perfect. Also you're half lazy. Clean that crap up and wash your damn clothes.
Here we meet our next character: Glimmerlight! I- I mean Misty Hooves. Sorry, got the two confused. She's still probably like the flogging. Maybe mosey down over to Fillydelphia so Glim and Brimstone can join in. And so it in front of Murky so he can draw it and okay I'll stop talking about that right now.Still, Misty's a bit of a daredevil. What, is she going to attempt it in the Overmare's office? Naughty naughty~.
Oh, how wonderful. Population control. Who do you think you are, the Enclave?
Also Blackjack also appears to have a little Glimmer in her. ...And now, there's handcuffs entering the equation? What's next? Pineapples!?
Aaaand Blackjack can only do telekinesis. And is shunned by the entire stable.
Today on the menu: Green recycled algae slime, recycled fungus cubes, synthetic recycled carrot sticks, apple flakes, green recycled grass chips, brown recycled hay chips, white recycled cake chips, orange recycled sentiment chips, purple recycled sentiment-shaped sentiment, and sentiment-colored sentiment-shaped sentiment. Yum yum!
>All the food in 99 was recycled into more food. All the waste in 99 was recycled.
...On second thought, no.
Blackjack: Half lazy, half irresponsible, half lewd, and half stupid! She forgot to get those handcuffs off. ...This is our protagonist?
...Well, Daisy seemed eager to administer lashings to a Med-X hoarder. What is this, heat season for the stable?
>The forty or so males in Stable 99 were no different: they were breeding equipment.
Wait, hold on, let me get something to drink. WHAT!? Seriously, what? Breeding equipent? I'd really take Littlepip's stable over this any day.
>One thing was sure: the second I became head security mare, Stable 99 was doomed.
An encrypted file? Looks like we have our plot hook for this fanfic.
...Wait, wait, wait, if everything is recycled and stuff, wouldn't they have to do maintenance regularly? Wouldn't they have to shut down the generators and recyclers so they don't break down? How do 500 ponies survive without air or... anything else?
...Magic?
WHAT THE CRAP RETIREMENT IS KILLING THE MAILES wait I should've known that due to the population control. My bad. Carry on. STILL, SCREW YOU, STABLE 99.
>“Um… sorry about your mom. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it."
...How would that-
>Wonderful, Blackjack… ‘You’ll get the hang of it?’ What is wrong with me?
...Okay, good. At least she's lucid in her stupid.
Or... everyone seems to be stupid. You don't think about the recyclers breaking, you don't think about the Overmare getting angry, you don't think about death, you don't think about the breeding equipment and the population control. What DO you think about? All this not thinking hasn't done any of you any good. Just... just get the Stable Override Code, Blackjack, and travel to the wasteland already. At least there, you can actually think.
...While getting shot at.
Still, it's a huge step up.
>Males weren’t supposed to be smart enough for [escaping and constantly disappearing].
He thought about it.
>There, in the corner, hid a blue earth pony mare
>Her soft voice was surprisingly deep
>and the only blue earth pony was a medical mare
Yep, you found your P-21. But did it seriously have to take you activating your PipBuck Identification for you to realize that?
>It wouldn’t be the first time one attacked me without provocation.
Yeah, well, you never realize that YOUR SEX TOYS HAVE FEELINGS. YOUR LIVING, BREATHING SEX TOYS THAT EAT AND POOP AND BREATHE. It would actually help things a lot if everyone started using their brains.
>"About time we found the missing penis."
Yes, a missing penis ATTACHED TO THE REST OF A PONY. thud. By the way, if you never guessed it, I'm a male. It really should be obvious, given the "dude" part in my username. Use your brains for this one, kiddos! What do you call breeding equipment that talks, eats, breathes, moves on their own, and has feelings?
I'm sure you'll get it eventually.
Maybe.
OKAY, ONTO MORE IMPORTANT THINGS... The first fight scene! The worst, most lazy, idiotic, shunned security pony versus a couple of ponies who will most likely be dead at the end of this fight! Take your bets, everyone! Also I'm glad Blackjack finally thought about it. Maybe she's half-heroic as well. She's definitely half-security.
Though, I can't help but wonder about disposable males.
Don't think about it...
>"All C shift security personnel are to report immediately back to security."
Aww... I wanted bloodshed... That's what Fallout: Equestria is all about, right? Bloodshed and despair?
>Males in 99 lived in medical and were identified on their breeding roster by their designations. P for earth ponies, U for unicorns.
/me opens mouth and brings a finger up
>Don’t ask me why the former wasn’t E; I’d never gotten a straight answer.
/me closes mouth and brings his finger down
And Blackjack tried setting P-21's broken leg without knowing how to, which probably means she broke it further.
I have a lot of confidence in our security mare.
Also I'm a bit disappointed that Somber wasted an opportunity for a joke. Blackjack could have said "one" and then tried setting the leg. The joke happened in Murky Number Seven. I even called it before it was done in that fic.
So after healing P-21 up and giving him some combat drugs, we never see him again. The end. Well, that was a great story. I'm glad it- wait... wait, there's more. Sorry. Also he's not dead yet.
The Overmare seems to be a little crazy.
>“Oh we’re going to have so much fun. Oh yes we are. Yes we are. You’re going to be mine forever. Yes you are.”
Let me tell you that Sanity Slippage is one of my favorite tropes. Let's hope she becomes the Big Bad. I'll think I'll enjoy this little civil war between The Overmare and Rivets, the maintenance pony. I'm guessing that Project Horizons is titular and Rivets is planning on creating it or something to try and usurp The Overmare to do... something.
Stable 99 is a bad place to live.
>Would [Blackjack's mother] actually stand against the Overmare? I wanted to say yes, but the more I thought about it, the less certain I was. She’d never countermanded the Overmare unless she had some clear evidence that what the Overmare was doing would endanger the stable.
Then it's a good thing Blackjack was thrown in jail. She comes across this audio file that practically screams conspiracy and maybe it's The Overmare that has plans for Project Horizon? Whatever the case, she and Scotch Tape were conspiring against Rivets.
>“My whole life, you mares have fucked me. Now you’re getting fucked by your own. It’s nothing less than what you deserve.”
Yes... YES! RISE UP AGAINST THE FEMALE OPPRESSION! CAST FREE YOUR CHAINS! NO LONGER WILL WE BE THOUGHT OF AS WALKING REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEMS! INSTEAD, WE WILL EAT! WE WILL BREATHE! WE WILL LIVE! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
>...and extracted a small screwdriver from his... body cavity.
That... that has to hurt. If that's what escape is, then escape is PAINFUL. How could he walk with that scraping around all inside his- Don't think about it.
It turns out that the wasteland isn't a deathtrap and is safe to be in and I'm not going to get that Stable Civil War plot am I? Do I have to write it myself? Come on, who besides me would find a Bottle Episode fanfic consisting of a stable in a civil war without wandering into the wasteland? Someone get on that!
Ooh, numbers stations exist in the Fallout: Equestria universe! How wonderful. For those of you that don't know what they are, they're mysterious radio broadcasts in some sort of code having to do with secret espionage stuff maybe. Some can be Morse Code or random beeping and some can be someone just saying random number digits. This fic suddenly got a lot more conspiratorial. And I love it. So far, we have an encrypted file that was the stable door override code, a numbers station, shades of a civil war going on, and lots and lots of secrets.
Game on.
Our half-lazy, half-sexist, half-security, half-stupid, half-incompetent, half-heroic, half-card game makes her way over to her mother;s room, where she tries and fails to think about it. And then just decides to rely on EFS to reveal... nothing. Please don't let this turn into the first half of Murky Number Seven where everything goes wrong in a cyclical slum of agony and despair and false Hope Spots.
>“This isn’t about flank spank, okay. It’s not about sex of any kind."
Stable 99, ladies and gentlemen, where sex is apparently everyone's highest priority! Maybe The Overmare and Rivets should calm down and have a round or two in Kismesissitude.
>“Wait… it’s a text file.”
What. So... there's no numbers station? Aww, that sucks.
Blackjack has a small bit of Pinkie Sense. Her mane itches whenever someone's looking at her. That's a really good security system.
...Oh. Oh crap, THERE'S A RAIDER IN THE STABLE! BLACKJACK, SECURITY HER TO DEATH! FIGHT SCENE #2 GO!
...Wait, what? The raider was a Stable 99 pony? ...WHAT!? ...Oh crap, that was what Rivet's been doing all this time, hasn't she? Training up ponies in firearms and making them crazed enough to wipe out The Overmare's side of the stable. Blackjack kills another one of Rivet's forces.
>Two... had I really just killed two? No. Don’t think about it. I should be good at that.
You definitely are, Ms. Half-Stupid.
>Reapers
Wait... wait. Damnit, are those raiders aligned with those Reapers? Who's Deus? Is me wanting a Stable Civil War plotline really making me Wrong Genre Savvy? Ugh... Come on, you set up hostility between two major people in the stable and then throw something else at us.
In the mean time, Blackjack is about to get killed but her mother rescues her at the last second. Way to go! At least that's one other thing Littlepip doesn't have in common with Blackjack.
Woah. Android pony. Maybe he's the dude leading the raiders. Dude likes that word, apparently. He said it four times in two paragraphs.
Oh, Blackjack's going to try and act like a raider to get the other raiders out of the stable. Popcorn dot gif. Maybe now she'll also be half-raider. Blackjack narrowly manages to avoid an incident with the machine pony. He's not so much a sex toy as a death bot that can still have sex.
...
RISE UP AGAINST OPPRESSION, MALES!
OKAY, enough of that.
>A brown unicorn buck stepped forward. “You can’t, Deus! If you destroy the terminal, then Sanguine will never get the file!” This unicorn didn’t fit in with the others. Despite the fact he wore the same dirty clothes, he still seemed cleaner. Healthier, though still scrawny. The PipBuck on his leg didn’t look like it’d been stripped from another mare. Then I glanced at his flank: a blue male symbol with twenty-one dots beneath it.
Oh, look at that. Males think about it and is doing the exact same thing Blackjack is doing with better success. How's that for "all males are stupid", huh?
>Wow, Deus sure had a favorite word, didn’t he?
Hey, no, I Lampshaded it way before you did. You don't get to do that once I did it.
...Aaaand, apparently U-21 sucks just as much as Blackjack. Welp, I just inserted my foot into my mouth. Carry on. Don't mind me. I'll just...
...be over here.
...I should be joined by this one raider pony, too. Being addled out on drugs is a bad thing when a not-earth-pony-but-a-unicorn uses her magic so blatantly in front of him and doesn't even catch on right before he was shot to death.
...On second thought, no, I don't want a corpse in the corner with me.
>I stood there for a second, staring in shock. I’d just decapitated a pony!
So she's going to get the Bloody Mess perk, I guess. It must be really awesome if you can decapitate with bullets in real life.
>Sweet Celestia, I’d never get shot again if I could help it!
Haha... Hahaha.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Yeah, good luck with that.
Yeah, there's absolutely no chance for a civil war plotline to fly off. Just Blackjack escaping the stable and bringing all the raiders and the Country Singer with her. Kind of a shame. Ah well. At least one person will write a Stable Civil War story. Right?
...Right?
Better hurry up. Deus is coming. Good thing she caught the Country Music Star's attention, otherwise he and the raiders wouldn't follow him. He sings the final verse to one of his favorite songs as Half-Blackjack escapes into the wasteland.
Aaaand... nope. Rapid Reload was the perk. That's the end of the first chapter. Even though there's not going to be any civil war, I'd still continue onto chapter 2 and beyond to see how many times Blackjack and P-21 get shot and narrowly escape death by Bluegrass.
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