So I didn't actually finish the other chapter in that thing yesterday. Had to go to choir rehearsal. Singing Final Fantasy music with an orchestra. Nobuo Uematsu is attending. Fun times.
But yeah, not much left in that chapter. Rose stays at the Leaky Cauldron after crying to McGonagall about how terrible living with the Dursley's was. Her complaining about her awful life would actually be an okay scene if it weren't for a few facts.
1. Rose didn't have it nearly as bad as Harry did. Did we see Harry moaning about his situation like this?
“That’s where I sleep Professor, and when any accidental magic happens around me I’m confined to it, and I have to sneak out to have any food, I had no clothes of my own except for Dudley’s cast offs, which if you’ve seen him are three times bigger than I am. I was Dudley’s punching bag until I was seven years old and was knowledgeable enough to learn how to fight back! They treat me as a burden and look at me like a slug, while giving me all the chores to do, while Dudley does nothing and is spoiled rotten. That house and family has no love for me!” I paled a bit as I realised I was screaming at the person who had actually rescued from that hellhole called Number four. Mc Gonagall herself though was looking more and more furious as what I had said had sunk in.
“Sorry Professor, I didn’t mean to snap at you,” I said hurriedly as tears started falling from my face.
2. It’s really just an excuse for the author to go “hey, Dumbledore sure was stupid.”
I should point out that in canon, McGonagall held Dumbledore in very high esteem.
So she stays at the Leaky Cauldron, practicing magic and chilling at Diagon Alley.
The next chapter is titled “The Journey North” rather than “The Journey from Platform Nine-And-Three-Quarters.” These new chapter names really spark the imagination.
Never reveal all your strengths to anyone. Carrying a trunk that probably weighs more than you do, however, yeah, you can totally do that in public. You can also change from first-person to third-person mid-sentence.
So off she goes to King's Cross. Hey, remember how in the book, Harry sat around for a while wondering how one earth he was supposed to get to a seemingly nonexistant platform? Well, that's gone!
How did she know this? Did the professor tell her? We never saw that scene.
And here we get our introductions to various characters. There's Neville Longbottom with his grandma. There's Lee Jordan with the tarantula. Aaaaand there's the twins, being funny. It's odd, really. With the author's stomping around removing all the funny he can, seeing Fred and George acting as they did in canon and generally being funny and lovable gives me a feeling that I can only equate with cognitive dissonance.
The twins come over to help Rose with her trunks... for no reason apparently. Because it's not like they'd seen her outside the platform before. Similarly, there's this bit.
“Oh, Mum, can I go on the train and see her, Mum, oh please... ”
“You’ve already seen her, Ginny, and the poor girl isn’t something to goggle at in a zoo. Is she really Fred? How do you know?” said the Mother.
Uhh, no. Ginny hasn't seen her. They didn't meet outside the platform first. Also, way to miss the comma. You're asking if she's Fred.
So she goes on the train and meets Ron. And you know how that goes, except whereas in canon Harry was eager to make his first friend, Rose is really condescending.
It's time to play "Mock the Changes!"
to
Get it? 'Cause she's a girl and Ron's stupid!
to
Pfft. Oh, please. The Dursley's might've been cartoonishly abusive louts, but what's to say that they didn't love each other? Vernon and Petunia absolutely doted on Dudley.
Harry was excited because he was meeting a wizard who was his age. Ron was his first real friend at Hogwarts after Hagrid. Rose is just "huh, I find you interesting for a quaint reason."
to
"Horrible - well, not all of them. My aunt and uncle and cousin are, though. Wish I'd had three wizard brothers."
to
“As a whole Muggles are good people. It’s just my luck I had to go live with the worst of the lot. My aunt and uncle and cousin are horrible. Something happened this summer though, and I can’t go back to them, hopefully I can live with somebody in the wizarding world when the school year is up,” I said hopefully. “But I wish I had three magical siblings.”
So, let's take a note.
Harry talks in a way that somewhat approximates how an actual human being would speak. Rose, on the other hand, is long-winded and pretentious.
Also, Rose, you have seen Fred, George, Ginny, and Percy. That's four siblings. I'm supposed to buy that Rose is sooooo much smarter than Harry, but she can't even count.
Then there's the scene where Harry/Rose says Voldemort's name and Ron gets all gaspy. In the book, Harry was more "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you weren't supposed to do that," while Rose is all "Oh, there's nothing wrong with saying it, and I'll say it again." which she does.
So things proceed more or less as canon, except with minor edits for annoyance, like the author lopping off commas or Rose being more pretentious.
And then comes Hermione's entrance.
Mock the changes!
Harry looked at Ron, and was relieved to see by his stunned face that he hadn't learned all the course books by heart either.
to
Yeah, don't be fooled by the apparent modesty. Rose will more than hold a candle to Hermione in terms of ability. Not in terms of character.
So Hermione leaves to help Neville find his toad. And Rose turns Scabbers yellow.
They talk a bit about what house they hope they'll end up in. They talk about Slytherin, and Harry says "That's the house Vol-, I mean, You-Know-Who was in?" Rose just says his name, utterly inconsiderate of Ron feeling uncomfortable.
“I will name the thing that killed my parents by its proper name,” I said with steel in my voice.
“Sorry,” mumbled Ron.
What an asshole.
And then Draco arrives and we get the "some wizard families are better than others" scene. Let's compare!
Book:
"I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks," he said cooly.
Fanfic:
“I think Malfoy, that when you can prove how better, different families are from one another, I might consider shaking that hand one day,” I said coolly. Anyone with the intelligence to read between the lines knew that was as good as a in your face NO.
Oh, and this golden line.
Nobody talks like this.
And now I have a Final Fantasy concert I have to go to. Toodles.
