So, since I have nothing better to do, let's look at a Fallout: Equestria sidefic. But which one? I could talk about Murky Number Seven. I could spend a lot of time talking about why I like it, but I’ll save that for later.
Today's story is Pink Eyes, which, like the original and Murky Number Seven, is one of the "Big Five" of Fallout: Equestria fics, with the other two being Project Horizons and Heroes. Pink Eyes, however, stands unique on account of the fact that of the major side-fics, it's actually finished.
Chapters aren't as long as Murky Number Seven. Alright, here we go.
We start off in Canterlot with the bombs smashing against the shield. Ponies are lined up for an air wagon, desperate to get out of the city. One mare panics and is shot down by a guard.
A unicorn medical officer, meanwhile, notices a little filly standing all by her lonesome. This little filly is Puppysmiles, our protagonist, and she's waiting for her mother. We get a look at the medical officer's thoughts... is she the POV character for this part? In any case, she drops a line in her thoughts about the war killing hope. Subtle statement of the theme there.
The medical officer slips her into a radsuit. Puppysmiles thinks it's super-cool, like she's in a space-suit. And it occurs to me that I'm not sure whether her personality is childlike innocence or if she's just a Cloud Cuckoolander. Maybe both. Either way, she makes a decent first impression. She's fun. She's not particularly annoying. So I guess she qualifies as likable.
Then the prose sort of shifts to describing things from Puppy's POV, and she's having a super duper great time, completely oblivious to the grave seriousness of everything that's happening.
So, with her super-duper new suit, she heads on home. However, when she goes to the fridge, she finds that she can't take off her helmet. And then it turns out that the suit can talk. It's got a computer program with a voice that gives status updates and whatnot. Puppysmiles is highly surprised and a little confused. But the medical diagnostic system comes online just as she hears screams coming from outside. The Pink Cloud is doing its thing.
Man. Now I'm reminded of chapter 37, which was basically Dead Money minus anything that anyone actually liked about Dead Money.
No, bad Pannic.
Anyway, the Pink Cloud and the radiation starts seeping into the building, and the suit starts spamming her with Med-X and RadAway, over and over again. The suit warns her to leave, but she's still waiting for her mommy...
Wow. I almost felt something. Better see a doctor to make sure there isn't something wrong there.
And then Puppysmiles succumbs to the toxic cloud. And there she lies for two hundred years...
And the story has what appears to be a little gimmick where it keeps track of the days and the time.
Another thing I notice is that the story is basically a big wall of text. In fanfiction it’s traditional to use a full space between paragraphs, while in “legit” literature you indent the paragraphs. This story does neither. Thankfully it’s still readable - the author does hit “Enter” before each paragraph, so it’s not like I’m getting lost. It’s just weird is all.
As for the prose, there really isn’t anything to say. It’s very straightforward and to the point, more or less. Not that I’m expecting the author to be weaving words like F Patrick Fitzgerald - English isn’t their first language. That’d just be unreasonable.
Anyway, Puppysmiles wakes up and the first thing she does is call for her mom.
The suit's computer program also comes online, and Puppysmiles tries talking with it. Of course, its functionalities don't give her completely what she wants, and she doesn't understand it. For example, it reads her vitals and finds that she's actually dead. And when she asks the voice where her mom is, it proceeds to give her directions to the nearest Ministry of Morale hub outside of Canterlot.
So Puppysmiles sets off down the road singing “Warning Wrap-Up” as the suit talks about how it’s out of medical supplies and it’s lost all emergency channels.
Puppysmiles calls the suit’s program “Mister Voice” and tries to talk with it, though being that it’s a simple computer program with no personality or emotions, that doesn’t really work out. But I don’t think she notices. Despite this, Mister Voice manages to have infinitely more character than Xenith.
She comes across a ghoul, which Mister Voice designates as Hostile. And she hears it as “Horse-Tile.”
Puppysmiles, despite her general obliviousness, suspects something is wrong with her, and asks Mister Voice if she’s sick. And then she doesn’t know the difference between “deceased” and “diseased.”
So she exits Canterlot and gets attacked by some raiders. They puncture her suit and one of them gets a faceful of pink cloud. The results are predictable. Quite gory. And a bit funny how a face-melting is described as being like ice cream melting on a hot summer day.
Wacky comedy, sads, horrific gore - the tone of this piece is all over the place. Mood whiplash galore, but I guess that’s really befitting of the black comedy. Thankfully that doesn’t really bother me too much - I enjoy some good whiplash. It can be fun.
So she continues her sojourn and encounters a Spritebot, having a brief conversation with Watcher. She explains her predicament and what happened to her and how she’s looking for her mom, but Watcher just doesn’t have the heart to tell her the truth.
Oh hey, the fic gets her SPECIAL loadout. And the footnote asks if monsters gain levels.
So the prose is kinda pedestrian. That isn’t really important. What’s important is the characters. And Puppysmiles is, admittedly, endearing. The story also gives her a very simple, straightforward goal - look for her mother. Though I imagine that’s something of a foregone conclusion. To make it simple, I will ask three questions:
Do I care?
Am I interested?
Am I entertained?
If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” then whoop-de-doo, I have a reason to keep reading. Do I care? Not sure. Foregone conclusion in regards to the main question diminishes that investment. Interested? Well, it’s a unique premise. Am I entertained? Yes.
So chapter 1 of Pink Eyes is a success.
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