Well, I did repurpose this for multiple stories, so let's get on to chapter 2 of The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle. Sadly, this one I'm not having as much fun mocking.
First part is a big blah blah from Spike's point of view, narrating how silly Twilight had been while drunk, including a tearful apology to a book.
Then we cut back to Twilight, as she arrives at the Clydesler Building. Okay, I admit, that's clever. There are a few bits that trigger some sort of "heh" spark in my head, and then Twilight sees Trixie. Then Twilight's all mad and we get thoughts of "Oh I was worried sick of you you inconsiderate blah blah blah" and then she has a flame mane moment like in Feeling Pinkie Keen and then hugs Trixie because hilarious 180 on her personality and then her horns touch and magic discharge.
"Premature casting."
Yeah, I'm done here. These two chapters were short, and honestly it didn't really annoy me and was actually decently fun. I still think the pairing is as stupid as stupid pairings come, but at least it has the decency to have some humor and shit.
Now for chapter 5 of ‘’Romance Reports.’’ This chapter is called “Chance Seedling, 1952.” I have no idea what this refers to. 9,650 words. Uh-oh.
Twilight Sparkle is very cheerful about having sex with Rarity. Here’s the second paragraph:
And oh yeah, I didn’t talk about the narration in this story. The whole thing is in present-tense. That alone isn’t all that bad, but the narration really gets bad when we get to the character’s thoughts. There will often be this bizarre little exchange between the narration and Twilight’s thoughts that usually goes
Yes, I should totally be doing this.
But should I?
So it’s really just bizarre. Maybe the idea is that the italics are Twilight’s thoughts, while the plain narration is Twilight’s feelings. Or maybe this is just a terrible pretentious porn fic.
Anyway blah blah blah she meets with Braeburn at a fried food stand, they talk, and they walk back to the library, all the while Twilight is thinking about flirting with and romancing him.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that in chapter 2 she was going over a sort of ‘romance to-do’ list that involved ‘find a nice stallion, date him, blah blah blah find a way to break up with him’ etc. Yes, the “break up” part was actually on the to-do list. Yeah, I’m not liking Twilight in this.
Anyway, they’re at the library, chatting and having a nice time and now Braeburn is saying “welp time for me to go” etc and Twilight is trying to figure out how to get him to not leave and instead have sex with her.
And, of course, she plays her cards right and sure enough, she gets Braeburn to have sex with her. I really think I hate this story’s characterization of Twilight – she’s distastefully manipulative and callous. At least Fallout Equestria only occasionally dicks around with the canon characters and mainly just has its own cast of OCs being terrible.
And I’m not going into detail on these sex scenes here for obvious reasons, but you know something? They’re long. This thing here it, it never ends, it goes on and on and on and on…
I do believe that I have now ruined Don’t Stop Believin’ for you.
Y’know, I get the feeling like this story is very self-satisfied with its sex scenes, like a sort of “oh isn’t this more realistic than all that other shit, eh?” feeling comes through with the narration with Twilight going on about how “this wasn’t in Rarity’s novels” or “this is nothing like was described in blah blah blah.”
Seriously, it’s difficult for me to describe how painfully protracted this is.
Anyway, when this fucking thing is finally over we cut to the next morning, and Braeburn has to bolt and leave, and Twilight is thinking, wondering if maybe having a one-night stand with the guy was the wrong the to do.
Anyway, Luna responds to that letter she sent in chapter two (the one about what she learned from masturbating) and Twilight writes about her experience with Braeburn (not the one with Rarity, though, Rarity made her promise not to tell anyone).
Bleh. That’s over. Back to Fallout Equestria. Speaking of, I’ve purchased Fallout 3 and New Vegas on Steam. Wonder if I’ll get to playing them any time soon.
