All right. I've got google docs up, chapter one open, let's see what we've got here. I don't have time to go over the whole chapter today, not if I'm writing at the same time, but we'll see how far I can get in a few hours.
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Looks like Twilight isn't the strongest unicorn in town any more. That's quite a start to a story.
After finishing Celestia's letter to Twilight, I only have this to say; the author - this Gannon FLCL guy - needs to lay off the hyphens and semicolons a bit.
So Twilight and co. get to travel into the Everfree Forest to search out an unknown, powerful, and chaotic magic source, and then figure out what to do from there. Seems like a legit plan. I'm pretty sure nothing can go wrong with a plan like that, so how on earth is Gannon FLCL going to introduce the main conflict of the story? What sort of evil is Twilight and friends going to face?
I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess "lesbians."
On to the rest of the narration.
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Argh! The - hyphens! They - - - - burn! On a serious note, this guy really does need to learn to simplify his sentences. It's really making it hard for me to immerse myself in the narrative. Focus man!
Ok, CDRW, just take a deep breath and keep going. You've read and enjoyed worse. My Little Dashie certainly didn't have that high of writing standards.
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Pinkie Pie speaking now. Good old Pinkie Pie. I can tell already that we're going to have lots of fourth-wall fun, and that's the best kind of fun.
I'm playing D&D this afternoon. I want a plus seven vorpal sword.
Rarity, bats aren't blind. And even if they were, they'd still be going into this better prepared than you.
You know. I don't think that's even the proper use for hyphens. I need to look it up to be sure, but aren't you supposed to use em dashes in all those places?
Portal! Called it!
And Twilight, you are not allowed to wax poetic. I swear to God, if you start waxing poetic I'm gonna...I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be pretty.
Focus Rarity! It is a big, gigantic, wibbling ball of bad-things-waiting-to-happen, not a dress!
Break the portal! Break the portal! Break the portal!
Your sighs of relief are premature girls.
And you broke the portal. Good going there Twilight. Now we get a story instead of a lame writing exercise.
Unfortunately, that's all I've got time for this morning. I've got a full day ahead of me and I want to get some of my own writing done while I've still got computer access. See you all later.
