Alright, so now we get into the final leg of the story now. Oh, wait, you wanted to explain to me about that whole Wataru thing?
Kazuma: ... Well, it’s a little late, don’t you think? This chapter’s pretty short, so I think you’ll manage.
Fine. But after my little rant, you have got some explaining to do! ENGAGE!
If you haven’t guessed from the goddamn title or this setting, we’re doing an All Dogs Christmas Carol. So, in other words: A rehash of a rehash of a Christmas story. You gotta love these rehashes.
Let me guess, Carface is greedy and the gang decide to visit him as ghosts? EEEEEEEYUP!
Aw... that’s cute, Carface’s sidekick is himself but as a cyborg... Oh wait, I think they mean Killer from All Dogs... Carface is no longer the wolf; he’s the bulldog in my books. And seriously? Why is he back? Didn’t he get Dragged Off to Hell last we saw him? What the hell is he doing back here? Anyways, he steals money, they try to steal it back via tell don't show, but he has a whistle...
Okay then... So Carface refers to his boss.
... No. I don’t think you’re even mentioned. Maybe. Whatever.
Ah, you gotta love that character description. “He’s a lot like character X, but evil!” Seriously, instant original character right there. Thankfully the author decides to describe more of this, I shit you not, canon character.
... Who? Was she even shown in this fanfic? I know she was in the series, but up until this point, she didn’t really appear. Unless you were to consider Red’s boss as Belladonna, but would you ever expect a whippet to be the freaking devil?
Oh goddamn it. Seriously, you’re tempting me so much to use a Kim Possible clip. And you know what? I will!
Now if only these villains were that smart.
... You do have a point there. So Annabelle catches wind of this and like the Big Good she is, she sends her men to do the dirty work for her.
A miracle what now? So anyways, Charlie!Spike gets the idea to pull a Christmas Carol on Carface.
I like how they’re basically ripping off the plot, name their episode exactly like A Christmas Carol but added All Dogs to it, and yet they can’t actually say it. I’m at a loss for words. Actually, I’m at a loss for words at the fact that I’m just livebloging the All Dogs Christmas Special. Should I even stop riffing on this fanfic since it doesn’t technically count as a Rugrats Crossover anymore? Spike is now Charlie. I will never read Spike as Spike again, but rather as Charlie. So yes, this author ruined/killed Spike for me. I didn’t know that was possible.
However, you know what I love about these stupid parodies? How they become stupid when used in different context. Although I’ve decided that Carface was now the bulldog, let’s go back to assuming that Carface is the wolf, shall we? (Context: Ghost of Christmas Past showing Carface his past. Duh)
OBJECTION!
Are you kidding me? Wolves are illegal to own as pets (granted, without a permit, but still) and is a very bad idea, since wolves are very aggressive. Apparently, one family is too dumb to realize this and decide to raise Carface. And since he was predictably disobedient, they decide to kick him out. A better alternative would be to release him into the woods where a wolf should belong rather than to the streets. Other than that, this is just an abridged adaptation of the All Dogs Christmas Carol. I am skipping a majority of this.
Wait... Did Annabelle just tell herself to get lost? Then threatens to clip her own wings off if she does? BAAAAH! THIS IS SO CONFUSING! FUCK IT! WE’RE DONE! THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER READ! Seriously, go watch the actual Christmas Special!
KAMEN RIDE: DIEND!
And that wraps up one of the worst crossovers I have ever bore witness to! The story starts off with a simple concept, as most of these crossovers do, but it winds up being a rip-off of a movie, which is so unoriginal, it could pass for a novelization as opposed to a crossover! The sequel? More of the same, but with a stupider villain and a stupid meta joke! And this? This is perhaps the most boring chapter of all! It’s just An All Dogs Christmas Carol... with nothing making it different! In fact, that can best describe this entire fanfic: BORING! There. I’m nearly done, just one more fanfic. But first...
Kazuma: Right. I shall tell you what you need to know.
Okay then, first off, what’s this deal between you and Wataru?
Kazuma: Well, it’s simple, really. Wataru and I are part of a small research team with a goal in mind: creating a Super-Soldier with Unstoppable Rage. You were a good candidate and thus, we took you. It was Wataru’s idea to subject you to these works and report your reactions, all while masking them as “liveblogs” for you to put up on this little site. I read most of them, reading the reports of your anger rising, only to drop due to some intervention. I sent Profion when you decided to play D&D to see if he could try to get you angry, but he failed, as you know. Soon after, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and that brings us to a few posts ago, when I took over the liveblog.
So... Why did you stop being such a... well... dick?
Kazuma: Because when you’re angry, you become feral and uncooperative, almost animalistic. Not the best type of personality for us to use for our Super Soldier project.
Okay, hold the hell up. You keep mentioning this Super Soldier thing... Why are you doing this, what is this nonsense, and why me?
Kazuma: As we stated, you were a good candidate, showing signs of frustration. When subjected to badly done pieces of work, you become enraged. We were hoping that when you were at your highest point in anger, we’d convert you into a cyborg, locking your emotions so that you’d feel nothing but rage. As for why we’re doing this... well... the world is always under constant threat. Just last year, the entire world was plunged into some sort of chaotic realm by something only known as The Entity. There was also an attack on a remote city done by The Vanity Alliance. And need I mention Malachite?
So wait... the reason why you’re making me an angry cyborg is because of... threats that geeks took on?
Kazuma: Precisely. We noticed that reviewers resolved most of these conflicts. Critics. That was part of the reason why we chose you. We could have just taken any angry person, but history shows that reviewers have taken down these threats, not Riders or Rangers. As for why an anger-induced cyborg, we’re led to believe that an angry person was much stronger than a calm person. And we were right.
Okay, you keep saying we. Why?
Kazuma: Did you not remember the fact that Wataru and I were part of a small team? There’s more than just him and me. Profion was another member.
As I might have guessed. So what of the other people? Like Harkinian? Are they also part of the team?
Kazuma: No. They were just guests summoned by Wataru when needed. Sometimes they stay, other times they leave. Either way, they still are paid to help you.
Ah. Hm... That’s all I can think of for now... So... yeah... Watty! What’s last on the chopping block?
Wataru: Another All Dogs and Spike fanfic.
Oh for God’s sake! Well, tune in next time as we finally put this puppy down for good.
