{Psyga is jumping up and down, holding an enclosed envelope. Wataru enters the room}
Wataru: You seem ecstatic today.
Yeah! {shows Wataru the envelope} That’s because I’m going to read “The Great Pokémon Fight
”! It’s gonna be so awesome!
Wataru: Your reactions right now mirror your initial feelings towards Pooh’s Adventures.
Huh? What do you mean?
Wataru: I’m saying that you might be disappointed. Angry, even.
Pah, I’m sure the author won’t screw this up. They did a good job with the last one.
Wataru: That’s what you said a few fanfics ago, and then you read that Catdog fanfic.
... Shit. Well, hopefully it won’t be that bad... right? ... Right? {opens envelope}
Well, we begin with the kids playing a game of “Mail” when suddenly Phil sees a pipe. Where? In the backyard? Across the living room? Where the hell is the pipe? The author describes what the pipe looks like yet can’t manage to say just where the hell it is. I can only assume it’s a pipe from Super Mario Bros.. Except clear and glowing. After a little chitchat, they hop in.
So we’re using the Multiverse excuse again. Alright then...
Wataru: Just like the Catdog fanfic.
... Thanks for reminding me.
Wataru: You’re welcome.
I was being... You know what, screw it. They enter a strange world, which I can only assume is either the Pokémon world... or Green Hill Zone. Soon a creature appears. And it looks like an original Pokemon...
... Or it could be another shoe-horned Land Before Time Crossover. You know, if you want to make a Land Before Time Crossover, make a Land Before Time Crossover. No one’s stopping you from making one. But no, you have to shoe-horn Littlefoot and his friends into just about everything. {chug} At least we can assume that Littlefoot is a Pokemon and thus is a better hand wave than just a dinosaur existing in modern time.
Soon Cera, an original pokemon named Cub (How imaginative), and Pidgey, the only actual Pokemon arrive and the Rugrats take one for themselves. Okay, wait, hold the phone here. There’s about (barring other future generations at this point) 151 Pokemon. Barring Legendaries and evolutions (not counting evolutions added later on), and we have about 74. More than enough for these tykes. Why do the hassle in transplanting Littlefoot and Cera when you can just give a few of the actual Pokemon instead? Cub I might understand as an Original Character and all, but not so much with Cera and Littlefoot. I’ll let it slide though.
So they all pick out their Pokemon, and then suddenly, some guy comes out of nowhere and I have no idea who it is, because the only description they give us is that it’s a creature. Well, yeah, but what kind? Is it a bird? Is it a bee? Is it a cat? You can’t just say creature! That’s vague! Especially when dealing with Pokemon! Anyways, he explains that these Pokemon are a new breed (generation is the word you’re looking for, but whatever) that will protect them. From what? Mewtwo? Team Rocket? N? (I wish)
... {cues clip}
Nightmare Moon: You’re kidding... You’re kidding right?
Yeah, this just became a good old fashion Pokemon Vs. Digimon fanfic. With the Rugrats being the stars. Well, at least Littlefoot didn’t derail it this time. We then get a dump of what types the Pokemon are. Littlefoot is fire, Cub is water, and Cera is electric/poison. Now, I don’t mind Cub since again, he’s original, and Littlefoot because Dinosaurs Are Dragons, but why is Cera an electric/poison? Most dinosaur-based Pokemon are rock or ground types. What makes Cera so special? Is it her coloring? Is it her horns? What is it?
Anyways, Tommy suddenly acts like Gary Oak and starts boasting about his Pokemon, Littlefoot, being the strongest, despite Chuckie’s, Cub, clearly having a type advantage. And then the two begin to fight. I don’t mean Pokemon Fight, I mean they fight. As in Lil and Phil had to separate them. However Tommy threw Lil to the ground and Chuckie just pushed Phil. Even their Pokemon have to separate them... Jesus Christ, since when did Tommy get this aggressive? I smell Character Derailment. Anyways, Tommy decides the best way to settle it is a good ol’ fashioned Pokemon fight. So do they start the fight right then and there? Oh, no. That wouldn’t be good pacing! No, we must move scenes to a random arena that just happens to be nearby. Oh joy.
And then we get our villains. A Greymon * and a Tyrannomon, or as the author puts it: Tyranomon. We don’t know where these bad guys are having this meeting, so I assume it’s not far from where the Rugrats have started.
OBJECTION!
Sure, that might be the case back then, but right now, there are about 995 Digimon compared to 649 Pokemon. So, that is a complete load of BULLSHIT! But, perhaps in this setting, there might be fewer Digimon than Pokemon. So anyways, Greymon sends his minion, Tyrannomon, to go kill the Rugrats and Pokemon, and he leaves to do so... Only to come back a few seconds later because he pulled a brilliant idea out of his ass. He apparently already knows that the babies have relatives. Okay, he reveals he has telepathy, but that’s just a handwave and is never mentioned again. So they decide to kidnap (or as they spell it, kid-nap, which is stupid in of itself since kidnap is already a recognized word) Angelica instead of Dil because Dil is too young. And what are they going to do with Angelica? Put up a Sadistic Choice for Tommy. How sadistic? How does “one of the babies must sacrifice their life for Angelica” sound? Yeah, messed up, right? Oh, and they are pretty much roaring out these plans, and the arena is nearby. Yeah, not really the best place to be discussing your plans.
Well, enough of the villains, it’s time to return to our heroes. Tommy decides to fight Lil... for some reason... isn’t the reason why he wanted a Pokemon fight in the first place was to battle Chuckie? Why is he fighting Lil? Oh, right, I forgot to mention that these babies have Pokeballs. Even though the Pokemon didn’t exactly come with them. Nor do we see them return to their balls. Huh... Alright, let the games begin! This is gonna be good.
A physic attack? ... Do you mean Psychic? If so... HOW WOULD SHE KNOW IT? SHE’S ELECTRIC/POISON! THE ONLY ELECTRIC POKEMON WHO CAN LEARN IT ARE THE ELECTABUZZ LINE! AND MUCH OF THE POISON POKEMON THAT LEARN IT ARE BUGS! NOT DINOSAURS! AAAAAAARG! Alright, fuck it. Cera fires off a thundershock, but he dodges it and hits Cera square in the chest, kicking her ass. Wait... how do you hit a quadruped in the chest? Next up we have Tommy VS. Phil, since we need more fights apparently.
Fire-ball spit attack? Fire-ball spit attack? How about... oh I don’t know... FLAMETHROWER! WHAT KIND OF STUPID NAME IS FIRE-BALL SPIT ATTACK? HOW ABOUT EMBER? THAT KIND OF MATCHES WHAT IS HAPPENING! ... Though to be fair, like with Thought-Speak, it does sound like something the Rugrats would say... Eeeeyah... So anyways, Littlefoot roasts Pidgey. Next up, Tommy VS. Chuckie. Now we see who is superior, Original or Transplant. Well, the fight ends in Littlefoot’s favour, since Cub had his back turned and Littlefoot roasts him despite the type disadvantage.
So our winner is Tommy. Joy. Oh, and Chuckie begins to fight Tommy again...
... AM I FUCKING READING THIS RIGHT? IS CHUCKIE FUCKING CHOKING HIS BEST FRIEND BECAUSE HE LOST A MATCH? WHAT THE FUCK?
Okay, it’s official. They all have Hinamizawa Syndrome. It’s the only goddamn explanation for their sudden shift in character. That or the Pokemon suddenly made them squabble like the toddlers they are... Actually, that would be a good plot development: The Pokemon see them fight over losing a match and they decide that they shouldn’t be their Pokemon anymore and leave them. Yes, I know it’s kind of like Impmon’s back story, but seriously, how deep would this story be if it did that?
Anyways, Greymon crashes the party.
No they weren’t. Mr. Exposition explained jack and shit about them except for the fact that the Pokemon, which so far are used as tools for their arguments, are to protect them. Also, this has been pissing me off for a bit: there is no s in Digimon when referring to it in plural. Saying Digimon as Digimons makes you sound like an old man. “Darn these kids and their digimons!”
So Greymon reveals Angelica who is trapped in a cage. How the hell he captured her is never explained.
... The Rugrats, while very imaginative, might not get the hint, Greymon... Then again, Chuckie did try to murder his best friend over what is pretty much a game, so...
But oh wait, Tommy just chucks a rock at Greymon and he scraps the plan. So that entire plan was fucking pointless. Angelica escapes, making their plan deader than dead.
He snapped and what? That’s it? Okay then, moving on....
So as Greymon and Tyrannomon chase Angelica, one thought is clouding my head: When is Greymon gonna just fire a massive Nova Blast at them and end their lives? Never? Okay then. And Pidgey auto-healed. So Phil sent Pidgey to go chase the two giant Digimon out, and predictably, it gets scared.
... We can see that for ourselves.
Then it evolves... What? How does it merit an evolution? It didn’t even gain enough experience or character development (I don’t exactly know if this is following game or anime rules) to earn that! Suddenly it evolves? Why? Because he was too chicken shit? Also, Chuckie knows what evolving is. Even though he must have never heard of Pokemon before. Anyways, Pidgey then uses a gust attack to make Greymon rage quit because it got sand in their eyes.
Pay for what? You’re the ones who decided to attack Tommy and his friends, who have little involvement in your little Pokemon/Digimon war! Fuck it, let’s move on.
So we have some more creatures appear before the kids, as the apparent leader introduces himself as Koromon. The others introduce themselves as Bukamon, Betamon, Tanomon, and Tentomon. Notice how 80% of these guys were with the Digidestined in Digimon Adventure. Oh, and then there’s Butterfree.
... Butterfree is a Pokemon. It’s short for Pocket Monster. That is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. Sure, compared to the Digimon, Butterfree looks pretty normal, but still... Anyways, the Digimon introduce themselves as the Digimon and Tommy is confused since Mr. Exposition said that they were to stay away from the Digimon. Cue Koromon pulling a My Species Doth Protest Too Much card. See, Greymon was jelly at the Pokemon because of semi-bullshit facts (see above) and decided to take control of an army to go wipe them out. Oh, and he made a machine to make the Digimon evil...
Wait...
Wasn’t there already a Digimon that made other Digimon evil? Like in the first thirteen episodes of the original Digimon? Yeah. Devimon! Why didn’t the author just go for Devimon and his Black Gears? Instead, they decided to make Greymon, who is Tai’s Digimon, suddenly evil! And then make some bullshit machine that never gets mentioned again!
So our heroes set off on a quest to kick Greymon’s ass and...
{the Digimon Theme plays}
What? Why was it necessary to plot the theme song in there? Screw it, let’s move on. There’s only twelve paragraphs left. They pass by a Pokemon Graveyard. Woo. So they invade Greymon’s castle as he goes Large Ham on them.
You know, I could probably hear this being dubbed by a Greymon-sound-a-like. I will give the author points for utter badassery with that line.
And then the Pokemon and Digimon evolve for... whatever reason. Hey, wait a minute, wouldn’t Adventure!Digimon need some sort of Digivice of sorts to digivolve? Yes, they can probably just absorb the data, but from the way they’re rushing it, they seem to be digivolving via Digivice. Even though the Rugrats weren’t handed Digivices.
So, what do the Pokemon evolve into? Well, Littlefoot becomes a raptor. Yes, an Apatosaurus becomes a raptor. You’d think with Pokemon evolution, they wouldn’t be this out-of-left-field. Oh, and if that isn’t enough, the raptor evolves into a Megaraptor. So it evolves twice in one go. Pretty sure that didn’t happen in the games or the anime. I mean, even if you get a Pokemon to evolve through two stages, you need them to evolve once, gain a level then evolve again. They can't warp their evolutions like their counterparts. There was one case with the Manga where a Piplup was given an Everstone, then got that Everstone taken away, but the evolution didn't turn that Piplup straight into an Empoleon. It still had to go to Prinplup first.
Cub evolves into... Wolf? Seriously? How uninspired can the naming get? Usually, Pokemon have some sort of punny name. For example, Pidgey is a corruption of the word Pigeon, which is what Pidgey is based off. Yes, I know Pokemon names in Japan don't follow this trend and some even do have Pokemon that look like an animal and are named after it too (Charmeleon's name in Japan is Lizard. No, really), especially back then, but we're talking the American Pokemon here. Be creative with your puns!
Well, what do the Digimon digivolve into? They actually have different branching evolutions, so you can have an Agumon digivolve into a Tyrannomon or a Growlmon instead of Greymon. You can check out this site to see what Digimon can digivolve into what. It’s a very fun site. Enough gushing. HAVE AT YOU! (WARNING: I will now act like some sort of "Stop Having Fun" Guy now)
So Tentomon digivolves into Airdramon... BULLSHIT! Tentomon doesn’t digivolve into Airdramon. Bukamon warp digivolves into Seadramon, which is possible if he digivolves into Betamon. As for Betamon himself? He digivolves into Biyamon, which is a possible misspelling of Biyomon... Which is a rookie. So Betamon just slide digivolved. {facepalm}
Screw it. The Digimon and Pokemon fight, and Greymon does... Electro Shocker? WHAT? Greymon is mostly fire-based. He has Nova Blast as his primary attack... Not Electro Shocker, you’re thinking of Kabuterimon... Though we could chalk this up to the "How I Became Yours" effect in which the fanfic predates a canon fact. In this case, could be that Greymon absorbed the data from a Kabuterimon and was able to use his attacks like with Beelzemon's Fist of the Beast King. Anyways, Tommy takes an Electro Shocker for Lil. Oh, right, Tommy also got cut on the arm at one point. So Greymon decides to go after Angelica next, striking his claw down at her, but Tommy gets cut up for her. Shit. Since when did Tommy get this sacrificial?
And then... I’ll let the story sum it up:
WHAT? WHAT KIND OF CLIMAX IS THAT? IT WASN’T EVEN AN ANTI-CLIMAX! IT’S JUST THE VILLAINS DISAPPEARING! WHAT THE HELL!?!
OH, but we’re not done yet! WE STILL HAVE THIS!
TL;DR: Tommy’s dead. Hey, what did those rules say again? That the webmaster had the right to either edit or reject stories that involve death? Like say, a Rugrats character dying? Yeah. Here we have Tommy, dead. A toddler, mind you. I wouldn’t mind all that much, and even comment on how fucking bleak and dark this story has become (I’ll comment on this later) but then Mew arrives out of nowhere (as if we had enough of an anti-climax already, now we get a Deus ex Machina on top of it) and revives him for no reason.
You just had someone die, and then they’re back to life in about a hundred words. Death isn’t something to take lightly. Even in the comic industry, where dead people can just come back with a snap of a finger, death is still treated seriously and is played for drama. Sure, they kill off the characters for just shock value, but it’s still treated seriously in most cases.
When you have a canon character die, it will cause an impact to the people reading it. Having them just spring back to life lessens the impact greatly. Although, that’s not what you want me to pick apart, is it? No. You want me to pick apart the very fact that a toddler was electrocuted and clawed to death. Well, I didn’t exactly mind it, but it’s still a little risqué. I’ll leave this for later in this post because now I have to wrap this story up. That and I am sounding dangerously close to Linkara now.
So the babies leave, and Cera evolves into Tricera. Okay, that’s a clever name. But it’s way too late for that to matter.
“Yeah, a giant dinosaur grabbed me and made the babies choose who should die in order to save me, and then your son got mauled to death by that exact same dinosaur, but don’t worry, a floating cat came out of nowhere and made him better!” Yeah, it’s best not to tell her that. She might decide to go camping there.
KAMEN RIDE: DIEND!
Wataru: Good, you’re done. Now take your Momentai and-
No. I am not done, I have to summarize what is wrong with this fanfic. It starts off with a simple premise, Rugrats having Pokemon, and then suddenly getting a tad complicated, involving Digimon and making them the villains. The characters at one point start acting violent and perhaps out of character (however, it would be possible for kids to fight each other over a lost game), and one of them gets killed in a way you wouldn’t expect in a sort of fanfic with a simplistic premise.
Speaking of which, it is dark as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Darker than even the actual movie. As I stated before, you had Chuckie choking Tommy. Choking. Throttling. Strangling. Then you have Greymon giving the Rugrats that sadistic choice. Before Kurata came along and seized the title of Digimon’s Complete Monster, Myotismon was the most evil villain in Digimon, because of his quest to murder a child in order to prevent a prophecy from being fulfilled. If someone were to consider this canon, Greymon would have easily taken the title away from him, since he’s going after toddlers, not to prevent a prophecy or anything, but because they have Pokemon, which he hates. He goes as far as capture their (for lack of a better term) friend and offer the choice of having one of the toddlers sacrifice themselves for their friend. And this is all without mentioning Tommy’s Death. I think I went on enough about that little bit to give you a good idea why it makes this freaking dark.
And you have your rushedness. We have no idea who Mr. Exposition is, no idea what happened to Greymon and his army, no idea where the hell Mew came from, and we’re just left to wonder “what the hell did I just read?” And if you’re a hardcore Pokemon or Digimon fan, or just like knowing the facts, then you will feel very dirty as you read this fanfic, since even basic facts seem to be ruined. Sure, you can just ignore them, and hence why it’s not a massive flaw for this fan fic.
... Alright. I can have that Momentai now. I have the feeling like the next story is gonna be even more horrible...
