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Live Blog Badfic Fetish has a thing for Stand My Ground (No, not that way!)
BadficFetish2010-12-13 07:52:15

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The Goffik Carnival has started.

((Super Recent OOC: Okay, this is a direct copy paste (albeit with minor edits) of my first entry in the Old Thread. I'll be adding the others tommorow, when I'm better rested. Until then, I'll keep this so that Nick could find me.))

All right, now is my first Live Blog. This is about the fanfic Stand My Ground, a My Immortal parody ripoff written by one Viandas Johnson, also known as Nick the Swing. This deliberate piece of thrash repeats the funniest worst cliches of the original fic, as well as it's parody sequels. Thankfully ( not!), it's chapters are shorter, meaning that the pain derived from this fic is shorter and less intense.

Here we go!

Linda Larez Landalandorena Rena Baltoretta Dark'Ness Sa'Ble Dementia Dia'Blus Damarka Dannas wuz relluy hawt. And I'm sure that we'll get more paragraphs elaborating on that sentence in She wuz a wizzard whu lurved going to Hawgwertz. Huh? No description of her clothing after the first sentence? That's weird. She wuz rally goffik, so goffik the boiz all lurved her, and and she had the stuffz evrynight. Because sex is the first and foremost thing in a teenager's life, outpacing school, tv, books, Tv.Tropes, and defeating the story's Big Bad, whose noniterference was what allowed you to have sex in the first place.

She started goinng 2 Hogwerds 2 years ago, and she becmame raelly hawt becuz of a lurv potion. Isn't that Brainwashing? At least she's honest about it.She wuz a Hufflpuf juzt cuz nobudy wanted her in their huses. Because Hufflepuff is just a dumping ground for those who don't fit the high standards of the others? Good to know.

She wuz too creepy for Grfynder (No comment),too cycnical for Ravendoor (so Ravenclaw's on the Idealistic side of the Sliding Scale of Idealism vs. Cynicism? Maybe I should be sorted there if I get to Hogwarts), and too goffik for Slytherin. Huh? Isn't Slytherin the Designated Goffik enclave witin Hogwarts? What is this?

So, thye stuffed her in a colset. But, wasn't she a Huffulepuff? So the entire house has been relegated to a closet now? I'm so going Ravenclaw...She creid evrynihgth and did nasty stanic rituals. I perfer Chaos, actually. She was a Santanist. Despite being on Santa's naugthy list. She wuz realluy hawt. Or it was Bad Santa she worshipped, and he gave her the love potion to Brainwash people. That works.

She slittedated her wrists evrynihght in a riytual to Satnan. The True Fae give better offers even though they screw you over. Dsepite being sooo obviusly bad, the guyz lurved her and she had each one diely in hur bedd. So she killed them and turned them into Prometheans? That is so cool! U know whut I meanz, amirite? Oh, ''that'' way. Thank you for crushing my dreams, Mary Sue.

Refernces to Cynical Universes aside, the rest of the fanfic continues with a two sentence description of her looks, including two redundant references to her breast size. Then:

She wuz, hated, thogh, by, the, death, eaters, and, their, oinfernal master of darkness, darkness, and more darkness, Vladimort the Bludless, and his infernalest of the infernal miniunz the Death Gawdz. So the Voldemort ripoff has Shinigami in his forces. Strangely, I'm still not afraid.

Une day, she fell in lurv in a way so rommantik it had to be lurv at furst sight, like Romeo nd Julliet. Ahh, the obligatory Shakespeare reference. Linda met Draeco Malfoy and Harrry Poutter. They alllll hasd hawt sehx wit eahc uther in a 3som in 69 mode and mounting and sutf. So Yeah. Can't find anything more to riff here.

Lidna kenw she wuz in thu lurv, butt Damblidiorf did nut aprove. Uh oh, the preppie ded nit aproovwe. She starred at hur lurvers and sad, "Ah man, busted." There was no indication of "Dumblydore" coming in and screaming WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!, I don't know whether I should thank you or damn you for that. She was very busty. As if we didn't already know!

((OOC: I was asked to do this by Nick the Swing himself. Blame him, not me. Also, finished!))

((Recent OOC: Changed 'allows' to 'allowed' and corrected some spacing problems.))

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