''We've finally come to this moment.
We've met countless
pairs of breasts characters along the way.
Here it is — the last episode of'' Kämpfer...
...Wait...you say there's another episode?
Well, technically: yes, there is. It's a 12-Episode Anime, after all. However, said episode is a complete non sequitor when it comes to the series' actual plot. I'm going to review it, but for plot purposes, this is the last episode.
I'm all psyched up and ready to review Kämpfer: episode 11!
This episode has no Cold Opening, so after the opening song we begin with an odd nature montage and Not-Sakaki talking to a tree (?) about how she "won't forget" something. We then cut to her house, where Natsuru is apparently staying over. It turns out that, while they were sleeping at Sakura's apartment, Not-Sakaki stole Burnt Alive Lion from her. MASCOT THIEF!! (to be fair, it's not like Kaede has a lack of Entrails Animals at her place.) B. A. Lion is a old geezer who sleeps all day, and, apparently, is the original Messenger. He finally reveals the reason behind the Kämpfers' fighting (brace yourselves):
...they're battling in place of aliens in another galaxy because the Moderators stepped in and essentially said "hey you guys, why fight to the death when humans can do it for you?"...
...WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN. That came out of nowhere, but, hey, at least we have an answer. Not-Sakaki then reveals her suspicion that Kaede may be somehow involved with the Moderators, which Natsuru can't seem to accept as truth. In order to remind him of the mind-control from earlier, she knocks him onto her bed and kisses him. Oh my god, it's like the reverse of the memory-erasing kiss from the Superman movies! He remembers; then Not-Sakaki launches into an explanation for all of her investigating the Moderators: when she first became a Kämpfer, she knew another Kämpfer who lost in a battle to the opposite side and died/faded away/was somehow destroyed, so she's out to get revenge. She pleads Natsuru to help her fight the Moderators.
We see that, after Natsuru leaves, he decides to go see if Kaede is really evil by visiting her apartment again. DURRRRRR. I would be raging about how stupid this is if it weren't for her apartment's...ahem...decor. After making an old lady look at him like he's a weirdo (you had to be there), he goes upstairs and literally, after two seconds, Kaede springs on him, transforms him into Female!Natsuru because "boys are useless", and mind-controls her to fight against Not-Sakaki and the rest. That was fast.
We cut to Akane and Mikoto, who have apparently both been asked up to the rooftop by Natsuru and think he's going to confess to them. Not-Sakaki then joins them, but it's a trap and they're quickly attacked by an unseen force. What follows is pretty damn awesome: we see the consecutive transformation sequences of all of them into their Kämpfer forms. The henshins in this show are really well-animated and sharp, it's a shame they don't show them too often.
It's the White Kämpfers who are attacking, along with the pink-haired one who seemed to have disappeared in the last episode. They introduce themselves one by one. The only thing of note is that the last one, the one with the black hair, is pretty darn hilarious. She's almost like Akane in reverse: she's violent but speaks like she's shy. I digress yet again. Anyway, they have the world's shortest battle - literally one blow from each side - and, just when it looks like our heroes are going to win, Brainwashed!Female!Natsuru appears from the shadows...DUNN DUNN DUNNNNNN!
The eyecatch is Human!Hara Kiri Tiger and Human!Burnt Alive Li — wait a second, why is B.A.Lion a little girl?! It sounds like an old man! O.O
We return! Natsuru stands in one spot and shoots fire out of her hand straight in front of her but still manages to hit Akane, Mikoto, and Not-Sakaki in one round. The hell? It is then that Kaede shows up, makes some battle banter, and quickly takes a sword to everyone. Especially Shizuku/Not-Sakaki - if she survives this, it makes no sense whatsoever. Time apparently passes, because it's dark out when the gang...heals(?). They've all been chained up and Kaede decides to do a bit of evil monologuing. She explains that she created the White Kämpfer specifically to destroy people who get in the way of the Moderators' plans - our main characters did this by combining forces despite bracelet color/supposed 'side' - but she's not going to let them do the finishing blow, nor is she going to do it herself. Natsuru will.
Natsuru aims her Zauber fireball at the three potential-love-interests.
dear god I hope he kills Not-Sakaki I've hated her from her first appearance Of course, he spots the stupid keychain Not-Sakaki forced him to buy and that reminds him of all the "love" he's recieved, so he chooses not to kill them. I'm not saying he should side with Kaede, but...THAT IS SO GODDAMN BIASED TOWARDS HIM ENDING UP WITH NOT-SAKAKI. Apparently, the developers of the show particularly liked her over the others, so they added more Shizuku-centric content, but...but...arrrrrrgh. Anyway, good does come of it, cuz' he doesn't kill any of the three and decides to fight on their side.
It looks like we're finally going to get the epic battle we've been waiting for, boys and girls! In the Moderators' corner, we have Kaede and the White Kämpfer! In the Red/Blue corner, we have Akane, Not-Sakaki, Mikoto and Natsuru! Let's get ready to RUMMMBBBBLLLLE!
...wait, why are the good guys' dresses ripping? Apparently this is what represents their powers getting stronger, which seems all too fitting in a show like Kämpfer...
...and then comes the Crowning Music Of Awesome! We're already being treated to the show's theme song in instrumental, so what could make this battle more epic? How about some effin' Ode To Joy? WHILE THE MASCOTS ARE GLOWING AND FLOATING ABOVE THEM, CHEERING THEM ON AND SHOWING UP IN SILHOUETTE AS THEY ATTACK?! I hate to admit it, but this was worth the wait!! Kaede tries one last time to convince Natsuru to join her as a girl, but Nats makes up his/her mind and turns into a boy just before she kisses him, prompting her to scream "You filthy male!". Wow, she really is a lesbian. It's hard to tell in this show. With that, she packs up her White Kämpfers and leaves, our heroes are victorious, and Pirka watches that awesome Ode To Joy scene again.
We end the episode with the gang fighting over Natsuru just like ol' times and each of them gets a kiss - FINALLY, eh, Akane?! - while the Entrails Animals speak the gospel truth that the Kämpfer are completely useless without them. Preach on, Entrails Animals. Preach on.
So, we come to the end of our tale. This was...er...interesting. I'll give you more of my feedback when I do the 'Top 10 Most Riffable Moments In Kämpfer'! Ooh, see what I did there? I'm also going to review the 12th episode and the first Special in one big burst to end this liveblog on a high note!
This is Pirka saying: thanks for reading — I'll make you curry!